The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current, September 15, 1907, Image 6

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The Sunday Oregonian., September 15, 1907, Page 6, Image 6

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Newspaper Page TextTHE SUNDAY OK Eli ON IAN, FOKTLAND, SEJPTE3IBER 15, 1907. SI BSCRIPTIOS' BATES. INVARIABLY LNf ADVANCE. (By Mall.) Dally. Sunday Included, ong year $9.00 Daily, Sunday Included, six months.... 4.25 Dally, Sunday Included, three montha.. 2.'J3 Dally, Bunday Included, c..e month 75 Dally, without Sunday, one year 6.1)0 Dally, without Sunday, six months.... 3.25 Dally, without Sunday, three montha. . 1.75 Daily, without Sunday, one month .0 Sunday, one year Weekly, one year (issued Thursday) ... 150 Sunday and Weekly, one year 3.50 BY CARRIER. Dally, Sunday Included, one year I 8 00 Daily, Sunday Included, one month 75 HOW TO REMIT Send postofflce money order, express order or personal check on your local bank. Stanipa. coin or currency are at the sender's risk. Give postofflce ad dress In lull, including county and atate. POSTAGE RATES. Entered at Portland; Oregon, PoBtoftlce as Second-Class Matter- 10 to 14 rages 1 cent 1 to 2S Pages cents : to 44 Pages 3 cents 46 to B0 Pages cents Foreign pontage, double rates. IMPORTANT The postal laws are strict. Newspapers on which postage Is not fully prepaid are not forwarded to destination. EASTERN BUSINESS OFFICE. The A. t'. Beekwlth Special Agency New Tork, rooms 48-50 Trliiune building. Chi cago, rooms 510-512 Tribune building. KEPT ON SALE. Chicago Auditorium Annex. Postofflce News Co.. 178 Dearborn st. St. Paul, Minn N. St. Marie. Commercial Station. Colorado Springs, Colo. Bell, H. H. Tenver Hamilton and Kendrlck. 906-913 Seventeenth street: Pratt Book Store. 1214 Fifteenth street; 11. P. Hansen. S. Rice. Geo. Carson. Kansas CHy, Mo. Rlcksecker Cigar Co., Ninth and walnut; Yoma News Co.; Harvey News Stand. Minneapolis M. J. Cavanaugh. SO South Third. Cleveland, O James Pushaw, SOT Su perior street. Washington, W. C. Ebbltt House. Penn sylvania avenue. Philadelphia. Pa. Ryan's Theater Ticket ofTire; Fenn News Co. New York City D. Jones & Co.. Astor House; Broadwav Theater News Stand; Ar thur Hotallng Wagons; Empire News Stand. Atlantic City, M. J. Ell Taylor. Ogden D. I Boyle. W. G. Kind, 114 Twenty-fifth street. Omaha Barkalow Bros., Union Station; Mngeath Stationery Co. Dee Moines, la. Mose Jacob. Sacramento, Cal. Sacramento News Co., 439 K Street: Amos News Co. Salt lake Moon Book Stationery Co.; Rnsenfeld & Hansen; G. W. Jewett. P. O. corner. Los Angelea B. E. Amos, manager seven street wagons. San Diego B. E. Amos. I Xing Beach. Cal. B. E. Amos. San Jose, Cal. St. James Hotel News Stand. lnillaa, Tex. Southwestern News Agent. El Fao, Tex. Plata Book and News Btand. Fort Worth, Tex. F. Robinson. Amarillo, Tex. Amarlllo Hotel News Stand. w Orleans, 1. Jones News Co. San Franclwo Foster & Crear: Ferry News Stand; Hotel St. Francis News Stand; I,. Parent; N. Wheatley: Falrmount Hotel News Stand; Amns News Co.; United News Agents. 1 1 Vs Eddy street. Oakland, Cal. W. H. Johnson. Fourteenth and Franklin streets: N. wheatley; Oakland News Stand; Hale News Co. Goldfleld, Nev. Louie Follln: C. E. Hunter. Eureka, Cal. Call-Chronicle Agency; Eu reka News Co. PORTLANM. WNDAV, SEPT. 15, 1907. JAPAN KOW-TOWS TO BRITAIN. Uncle Sam's Jap trouble seems con siderably nearer solution since John Bull has received a share of it. The Japanese will not make an "interna tional incident" out of the riots in Vancouver, B. C, against their British allies. They cannot, therefore, rea sonably make an international inci dent out of the less serious outbreak in San Francisco. But they are trying however, to show that their national dignity was hurt more on United States soil than on British. Count Okuma, most fiery of the Japanese jingoes, declares' the two ri ots "not in the same category." He asserts that law officers in San Fran cisco made no attempt to quell the disturbances there, and that even President Roosevelt's attitude "sadly disappointed us." But as to the Van couver riots, which were far more vio lent and destructive than those in San Francisco, Count Okuma says: "The sincerity, so fully evinced, of these really worthy local authorities of our allies" (note the word allies) "in their efforts to protect our rights, makes us confident of effecting a satisfactory so lution of the deplorable situation." It is certainly gall and wormwood to Japanese diplomacy to draw this fine-spun distinction. There was not the race hatred in San Francisco that broke out in Vancouver. The peace authorities in the California city have guarded against assaults since. Presi dent Roosevelt has used his full influ ence to prevent further violence. The Jingoes of Japan who have been clam oring, may now cool off. The Asiatic labor trouble is more acute in British Columbia than any where in the United States. The at tacks in Vancouver were not the work of irresponsible hoodlums, but of riot organizers. They were an explosion of race hatred that has not j'et mani fested itself to such high degree in San Francisco. They took place in a well-ordered city, whereas the Cali fornia city has but recently been de moralized by earthquake, fire and po litical corruption. The Japanese will learn that exclu sion of foreign immigrants is a right which every nation will assert when it deems necessary. The Japanese them selves have asserted it. About two weeks ago the news dispatches from Kobe announced that fifty Chinese coolies, hired to work on the govern ment railroad, were forbidden a land ing at Kobe. Officers of the province of Kagoshima are said to have com pelled contractors on the government railroad to discharge 100 Chinese la borers. These acts, we are told, were authorized by immigration regulations established in 1899 by Count Okuma, then Foreign Minister the same Oku ma who now attacks the United States and says Roosevelt's attitude "sadly disappoints" him. "These reg ulations," says the dispatch, "were made at the- time of the negotiation of the treaty with the United States (1894), in application of the treaty provision giving each nation full con trol over foreign laborers." Of fcourse, one nation's right to ex clude the citizens or subjects of anoth er nation does not Justify its- permit ting mobs to do violence to those citl iens or subjects. But in this case, Japanese pride has been injured quite as much by Uncle Sam's aversion to presence of Japanese in this country as by the relatively insignificant San Francisco affair. And since it became known in Japan that there is hostility on the Pacific Coast of America to ward immigration vt Japanese, the subjects of the Mikado have not ceased coming to this country. It has been announced in Japan that when the time shall come for making a new treaty between the two countries, Jap an will oppose any wish of the United States for exclusion of Japanese. And it h as been hinted that the right re served in the treaty of 1894 by the United States, to regulate the immi gration of laborers is distasteful to Japan. Article II. of that treaty says: Article II There shall be reciprocal free dom of commerce and navigation between the territories of the two high contracting parties ... It is, however, understood that the stipulations sustained In this and the preceding article do not In any way affect the laws, ordinances, and regulations with regard to trade; the immigration of laborers, police and public security which are in force or which may hereafter be en acted In either of the two countries. Under this treaty Japan has estab lished immigration regulations, which appear to be identical with those per taining to immigration of Asiatics. Count" Okuma, who promulgated them, set a precedent ror exclusion. We may expect to hear, perhaps, of violence done by Japanese to Chinese laborers in Japan. There is a law-abiding opposition on the Pacific Coast to immigration of coolies, whether Japanese or Chinese. The San Francisco matter was but a rowdy outbreak. The Japanese un derstand the antipathy toward aliens, since they themselves are excluding Chinese. British Columbia will ex clude Japanese just as the United States will do. The race feeling In both parts of America is- the same. The Japanese will waste their time trying to choose between the two for soothing their pride. - The Vaucouver outbreaks showered more grievous indignities on Japanese and ruined more property than the San Fran cisco disturbances. Japan makes it self ridiculous in hurrying to resent, the lesser insult in California and to forgive the larger Insult in British Co lumbia. If it licks one smiting hand on British soil, it cannot reasonably challenge another with a shoulder chip in California. LIGHT. When God said "Let there be light," there was light. For men it is not so easily come by. The world had steam engines and iron battleships be fore it had cheap and handy lamps. Plato wrote his divine dialogues by the flare of a rag burning in a cup of grease. His lamp was somewhat improved upon, but not much, until the Almighty gave the world kerosene oil and Mr. Rockefeller; two simul taneous blessings which have mutually magnified each other. Up to about the end of our Civil War the standard illuminators of the world were can dles, and dim was their brightest ra diance. We read of "splendid illumin ations" in those days, of course. They were called splendid because people know no better. To our eyes they would bo but darkness slightly miti gated. Till of late years the mass of man kind had no practical light but day light. When the sun set occupation ceased except such as could go on In darkness. Men could get drunk by the shadows of a candle; they could quarrel and fight; they could relate tales of witchcraft and rehearse ac counts of angels and demons, hades and heaven, which they had' been taught. Candle light favored all those things. But they could read little or not at all. By day people had no time to read: after dark they had no lamp to read by. Darkness and su perstition, twin demons, ruled the world together. Cheap light has emancipated the in tellect and the souls of men. . Since kerosene oil began to burn in every household, to say nothing of gas and electricity, the human mind has trav eled farther in a year than it went aforetime in a century. We mean the common mind. There have always been intellectual giants who went in seven-leagued boots, but only in our times could the multitude think of following them, even afar off. Now that we have light to see by when we are not toiling for bread, the whole world Is on the march in the footsteps of the pioneer demigods. Like Kepler watching the planets wheel through the heavens, we think the thoughts of God; we share the unconquered hope of the dead who died with their eyes upon the constant stars though dark ness compassed them about. The ideas of the great revolutionaries, icono clasts and world-builders have be come the property of the day laborer. Once those ideas were kept prisoned In libraries and dungeons. Cheap lamplight has set them free. JOBS FOR ROOSEVELT. There should be no worry about what to do with Roosevelt after March 4, 1909 not while a Panama Canal Is to be dug or the Philippines are to be governed. It has been proposed many times in the United States that Roosevelt finish the canal. Now the London Spectator suggests that he take charge of the Philippines and put them on a self-supporting basis, as was done with Egypt under British rule. The Spectator says, after com menting on the high expense of the Islands to the United States: But if the expenditure continues too high to be tolerated, why should not Great Brit ain's fortunate experience in Egypt be im itated; why should, not a proconsul be chosen to guide and Inspire the reconstruc tion of the Philippines, and with It create a new pride and efficiency In the colonial service? Why should not Mr. Roosevelt be asked to undertake that vastly Important and honorific task? In a little more than a year he will be free, and In two years he will be rested and have the heart for any fate. Could he' devote his powers to a work of wider Import? At all events, until some solution as heroic as that has been attempted, we. as ardent well-wishers of America, should not reconcile ourselves to the sale of the Philippines. The Philippines have cost the United States perhaps between $200,000,000 and $250,000,000 f.ius far. Secretary Taft put the. sum near those figures. Although the cost is disputed, some persons running it up to $1,000,000, 000, still Taft's estimate "may be taken as nearly correct. The military of the Islands costs, he says, about $5,000,000 annually more than If it were in the United States. To this might be added the expense of the Navy, incurred by reason of the island possession, yet since the United States needs larger naval power than it now possesses, even without the Philippines, this cost should perhaps not be charged up to the Islands. The expense of building fortifications on the Islands will be considerable, though not heavy for this country to bear. Completion of present defense projects will cost about $11,000,000. The government of the Philippines maintains itself, ex clusive of the money expended for the military, the Navy and the fortifica tions. ... The cost of the Islands to this country- does not, therefore, seem to be a heavy burden. A great sum of money has been spent up to this time, most of it for subduing the Aguinaldo re bellion. That expenditure was neces sary. The United States had no choice but to open its purse strings, just as it had r.o choice but to take the Islands after the Spanish War. There will be a job in the Philip pines, sure enough, for some vigorous American. It will not be so big a job, however, as the digging of the Pan ama Canal, nor fraught with such far reaching results for this country. If the canal should be put into the hands of Roosevelt, it would keep him busy for some six years after expiration of his Presidential term. This is the es timate of time put on the work by Taft, who in his Portland speech said": "I think it a moderate estimate to say that the canal will be completed seven years from the beginning of the next fiscal year, that is the canal will be completed about July 1, 1915." The energy now at the head of the i canal Is that of the President, though due credit should be given to Colonel Goethals who is Immediately in charge. There is tremendous work in progress now. Last month the total excavation was 1,274,404 cubic yards. In July the excavation was 1.058,778. Secretary Taft said in his Portland speech that the excavation in the great Culebra cut would probably av erage 10,000.000 cubic yards a year hereafter. "This would enable us to do the necessary excavation in something less than five years." It will be a big job big enough for Roosevelt more strenuous than the government of the Philippines or the Senatorship of New York. Mr. Bourne might propose it in the event of failure of t,he second elective term idea. ROOSEVELT AND THE FLEET. The New York Sun, which is . usually luminous and always warlike, is mak ing an outcry against ,the transfer of the battleship fleet from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific. In support of its contention the Sun prints in its is sue of September 8, a long string of quotations from President Roosevelt's addresses in California while on his swing around the circle in 1903. It appears from these extracts that the President declared himself to be an ex pansionist, and for the peaceful domi nation of the Pacific, saying explicitly: "We infinitely desire peace, and the surest way of obtaining it is to show that we are not afraid of war." At the dedication of the Memorial Monu ment in San Francisco the Sun quotes the President as saying: "If we want our children to have a chance of ded icating monuments of this kind In the event of war, we must see that the navy is made ready in advance." All these expressions are in accord with the President's utterances everywhere and on all occasions. Tread lightly, he says, and carry a big stick. We do not think either the President's ut terances in California, which the Sun quotes, nor his enterprise In dispatch ing the battleships to the Pacific Justi fies the Sun in remarking: "Are we mistaken in supposing that here were the beginnings of the Insensate project to strip the Atlantic Coast of Its naval safeguards in order to go swaggering around the Pacific in a Presidential year with the practically useless and probably provocative 'object lesson' of sea power ?" ', It is Incredible that the Sun means to suggest that the real object of this naval voyage is to affect the Presiden tial election. The President knows arid the Sun knows that the whole Pacific Coast is safe for any Repub lican candidate whether the battle ships shall come or stay. The Presi dent, unlike the Sun and other news papers whose outloK is on the At lantic, knows there is a Pacific Ocean and that a great extent of unprotected American territory borders on the Pa cific. We do not anticipate war with any nation except so far as we must anticipate it with every nation; but it is perfectly clear to all discerning minds that we are menacd just as much and just as little on the Pacific as we are on the Atlantic. Why, then, not keep at least half of our fleet on the Pacific Ocean? The essential fairness and pro priety of the President's battle ship project are, we are satisfied, apparent to the whole American Na tion, not excepting the Atlantic border. The Oregonian yesterday reprinted from the Brooklyn Eagle an account of a meeting at Cooper Union, at New York, called to "protest" against transfer of the fleet. Just fourteen persons "protested." The rest of a Considerable audience distinctly ap proved the project. The fourteen, It may be surmised, are of that not too numerous class of persons who don't want to see warships anywhere at any time. It is not clear, then, why they should be concerned whether these warships are on one ocean or another. SHALL THE BOY GO TO COLLEGE? An annually recurring question of great moment in thousands of homes Is expressed in the inquiry "shall the boy go to college?" It is a question freighted with the eager anticipa tions of the "boy" himself, with pa rental anxiety and solicitude, and involving in many, probably most in stances, self-denial on . the part of every member of the family at home. It is a problem in domestic economy, as well as in technical training, that is presented under this head, with usually much closer application to the part that is being worked out at home than that which is being han dled at the college end of the proposi tion. This is the problem as stated by the Saturday Evening Post: Family income for ensuing year '.$1800 Johnny, at college 600 Father, mother, Susie and Willie, at home, per capita 300 Surplus for rainy day ? That is to say, Johnny, with one third of the family income, i3 at col lege, with not too much money to meet his current expenses, as very boy who has tried it knows. Father, mother, Susie and Willie remain at home, contriving, by what they can do without, to live without incurring debt and anxiously striving to eke out a little more for Johnny in case of unexpected shortage in his expense account or to provide for his home coming at Christmas. Is this distribution of the family In come wise or just? Should Johnny, having finished the work of the pre paratory school a big husky lad and able to bear his part In the little problem of domestic economy in the home that has cradled and sheltered hini be relieved from all responsibil ity in the matter of its solution? That depends upon the boy and the voca tion in life for which he is to be fitted. The Post thus makes answer: Unless for technical training do not send him to college. Four years of an academic course will add nothing to his earning capacity. When it comes to getting a Job he will still have to begin at the bottom. Probably he will have acquired more ex- pensive habits, so that he cannot live on the $10 a week that would ' answer for a youngster Just out of the high school. Habit- j natlnn rt nta.a.nt hntira nn the cnmmifl and In the fraternity house will make the office grind and the hall bedroom all the harder for him; Put him to work at once. There is plain, practical wisdom in this solution no doubt. But parental Indulgence, reinforced by parental pride and,-urged on by the boy's de sire to see something of the world be fore he settles down to the grind of life, will refuse to accept this solution and "Johnny," whose name is legion, will start for college Just the same; one-third of the family income will be set aside ungrudgingly for his ex penses; and the folks at home will go to work on the economic problem that his going involves, their cheerfulness at the task only shadowed by his ab sence. Ah, Johnny, boy "Johnny" no longer and "boy" no longer, but "Jack" on the athletic field and one of the "fellows" at the fraternity house it is up to- you to "make good" at your end of this problem. Not that you will ever be of practical benefit at home. That is an element that does not enter into the solution of the problem; but that you may requite the care and self-denial at home, that has made a course in college training possible for you, by making a man of yourself, a better man than you would have been, or could 'have been with out the opportunity thus unselfishly bought for you. It is up to you, Jack. Tackle the propositi n like a man. THE JEWS. One of the striking facts of current history is the fidelity, of the Jews to the observance of their religious holi days. Some of our merchants require pretty stringent legislation to prevent their doing business on Sunday, which is our common sacred day. The Jews, j many of them, remain loyal to the customs of their forefathers and keep their holidays under the sole impul sion of religious feeling. Nor have they perverted these occasions as we have some of ours. There is but a slight suggestion of religion in the rites many of us prac tice at Christmas. Eating' and drink ing to excess with an extravagant in terchange of gifts bear little relevancy to the Savior's birth. The Jews are often said to be a commercial people, but they have degraded none of their holidays to trade and vanity as we have Christmas. The display which we make at that time would seem strangely out of place to the Jews upon a religious occasion. They take their religion more seri ously than we do. At least, it regu lates their conduct more intimately. One reason for this may be the un broken descent of their faith from a great antiquity. Certainly the Jewish religion Is the oldest of the Western world. Compared with it Mohamme danism is of yesterday and Christianity a youth. In the Orient both Buddh ism and Confucianism are very much more recent In origin. Judaism reaches far back toward the begin nings of human affairs and the Jew ish race dates back as far as its faith. Compared with the vast antiquity of their pedigrees our longest descents are trifling. The proud nobles of Britain compute their origin from the Norman conquest which was a thou sand years this side of Christ. The Jew knows the names of his fathers back to the Roman conquest, and be yond that to the Babylonian captivity, and still farther back to the flight from Egypt and, perhaps, the flood. From those primeval times to the present the race has preserved a hy gienic and religious rule of conduct measurably unbroken. Its reward comes in unparalleled virility. In in tellectual power and artistic genius. There is no dread of race suicide among the Jews. In the universities of the world J:hey stand first as stud ents and teachers. Beyond all propor tion to their numbers they produce musicians, painters, authors and finan ciers of the highest rank. Spinoza, the most fruitful abstract thinker of modern times, was a Jew. Their family life is a model to the world. Their benevolence to the un fortunate among them shames their Christian neighbors. But with all their noble traits the Jews have been ill-treated for many centuries. Europ ean history presents an appalling rec ord of the cruelties they have suf fered in' Spain, France and Germany, and today Russia is outdoing all the horrors of the past. It is but lately that England has admitted the Jews to full civil rights. The entire contin ent of Europe reeks with animosity to them. Perhaps in America alone are they treated with full recognition of their rights as men and citizens. Hence the rapid growth of the Jews here in numbers, wealth and power. Their growth is .one of our happiest social phenomena, since the Jew stands for intellectual progress and his typical activities are thoroughly wholesome. THE TELEPHONE GIRL. Very wisely the Chicago Inter Ocean disapproves the plan of discontinuing the use of "please" In addressing cen tral telephone girls. The plea that time is precious, and that the time of pronouncing the word "please" should be saved, is no adequate reason for dropping this courteous and kindly ex pression. The effort of the Philadel phia press to effect an abandonment of the word in this respect should not only fail, but it should be made the occasion for adoption of the practice of tendering a "thank you" to the girl at central when a service las been rendered. , It is true the central girl is often a cause of vexation. Apparently she Is often neglectful, disrespectful, and sometimes wilfully aonoylng. But she has reason to be. If the telephone system is out of order, it is as much ja. cause of irritation to her as it is to the patron. Then patrons are not only disrespectful but sometimes insulting. They vent their anger on central be cause a wire has broken or the party they desire to speak with is not at home. To the average telephone pa tron, who would not be discourteous to any woman to her face, central seems like a mere machine, devoid; of feelings, or some creature of low de gree, to whom angry and ungentle manly language may be properly ad dressed. Central telephone girls have feelings as well as the rest of us. Perhaps some of them are "cranky," but so are some of the rest of us. They ap preciate a "please" and a "thank you" Just as much as anyone does, and it is often economy of time to be pleas ant in telling the girl in the central office what you want. But the real reason for retaining the use of these expressions lies in the effect It will have upon the telephone patron. Whatever tends to make men more respectful to women, however high or low their station in life, is to be en couraged. Our mothers taught us to say "please" and "thanx you." Let us not discontinue it even in speakilng over a wire to central, for perhaps central may be a sister of an esteemed inena. The funeral of Mrs. C. J. McFar land at The Dalles, last Friday, marked the closing of a life of many useful, gracious years, the greater part of which was spent in that city. A pioneer whose experiences date from the years in which the frontier settlements were menaced by hostile Indians and in which all settlements of the Pacific Northwest were on the frontier Mrs. McFarland played a loyal, courageous, woman's part in state building. She was one of those who fled for safety to the old block house at the Cascades while her hus band took the field against the hostile Yakimas. Time has thrown a glamor of romance over those days, but the events that crowded them were very real to the women and children who huddled together in the blockhouse while the men, rifle in hand, went out to meet and hold the foe at bay. Much of the history of that time will forever remain unwritten. Mrs.. Mc Farland and the modest unassuming sisterhood of pioneer women, of whom she was a type, lived and wrought un selfishly not merely for their time, but for future years. They were not the less heroines of their day and gen eration because' the , part that they played was a silent one. The business men of Eugene have long protested against the abominable railroad service that has been given them by the Southern Pacific, to no purpose. They have now resolved to help themselves out of the trouble, vexation and delay incident to the railway trains that are always behind time and that, when they do arrive, lack the carrying facilities necessary to accommodate business. They are now out to raise $60,000 to help build, equip and operate an electric railroad between their thriving little city and Portland, the same to be equipped for carrying passengers ' and freight and completed ready for business within eighteen months. The enterprise prop erly financed and managed should suc ceed. ' Notwithstanding the great advances that have been made in the Industrial world in the last half century as the result of inventions, the field for the man of Inventive genius is still un limited. From a $6,000,000 turbine steamer to the most ordinary house hold utensil, th- subjects for improve ments are numberless. The mechanic arts offer an inviting field for the young man who is perplexed over the course of study he should pursue. The Pacific Northwest can heartily join the Canadian Northwest in re joicing over a bountiful crop this sea son. Many good Americans went to Canadian provinces to make their homes on farm lands, and America will be glad to see them prosper. Our cousins across the line have a pretty good place to live even if it isn't quite as attractive as. the agricultural re gions of this country. Men who desert their wives for the companionship of "affinities" should be given some sort of distinguishing mark so that they may be known from the rest of the world. A suit of striped clothes, for example, might serve the purpose. . Old-timers will hardly recognize the State Fair. grounds this year, so ex tensive have been the improvements since the Fair of a year ago. No state in the West has better Fair grounds and equipment than has Ore gon today. There will be a feeling of relief the entire length of the Pacific Coast to learn that San Francisco has turned over to the Federal authorities the im portant work of stamping out the bubonic plague. Perhaps the poor Jap will get on his dignity and go home, leaving us un civilized inhabitants of the Western Hemisphere to drift along without his aid. We might be able to get along somehow. If you can't do any better you might sell your heater to buy wood for the cook stove and then live in the kitchen this Winter. There is more than one way to solve a fuel problem. Governmental expenditure of half a million to dredge a channel from the mouth of the Yukon to St. Michael's Bay ought properly to be charged up against external improvements. one is able to disprove the state ment that Wellman's airship was a success. Failure to reach the North Pole was merely a disappointing me teorological incident. How to spend the money you made picking hops Is now the great prob lem in Western Oregon. Fifty cents of it will likely go for face-wash to take off the tan. The discontinuance of pool-selling at the State Fair will not prevent friends in the grandstand from wager ing a sack of peanuts on the result of a race. Better watch Sir Thomas. He may equip Shamrock IV. with some, sort of new fangied turbine arrangement and win back the mug. Employment of the rural telephone in Linn county as a fire alarm presents a new and very practical use of the farmers's friend. Will Great Britain have as much trouble in controlling British Columbia as America had in controlling Cali fornia? Just because It is State Fair week it begins to "look like rain," and the equinoctial not due for a week. It is time for Lipton again to ad vertise his teas; hence- his new chal lenge for the America's cup. It is apparent that Manager Mc Credie began annexing good players a trifle late in the season. One of Harrlman's double tracks to the Pacific will run through Central Oregon, of course. Threshing is about over, but thrash ing will take up at the old stand this week. COMMENT ON VARIED OREGON TOPICS Strife of the Vain Hopea Editor Fred Mnlkey "and Wife" Wedding: Tears Alaat Railroad and Lumbermen Aunt PoIIy'a Philosophy. Ij? w E ARE not going to borrow 'the tlon them. Country editors sometimes have their squabbles and call their rivals harsh names. .The editor of the Con don Times (Gilliam County) refers to his opponent in the Globe office as the "scum writer who evidently knows from experience what it means to be boiled In the pot, raked on with the scum and dumped into the refuse pile." In Umatilla County the editor of the Weston Leader likens a recent electric storm to the "brain storm that some times occurs in the Athena Press sanc tum when Editor Boyd's gigantic in tellect is set to accomplish an im possible task. We then have a sample of an irresistible force in contact with an immovable obstacle, and the office cat, bristling with electric disturbance, proceeds to throw a fit and clear the atmosphere." In Wallowa County, the town of Wallowa is trying to wrest away the county seat from Enterprise. The Wallowa Sun made an argument on Its side, but the Enterprise News-Record calls it "clear as mud," "spasm," and "child's talk." In Umatilla County again, the Pen dleton East Oregonian says it found the understudy of Editor Geer, of the Tribune, "leaning back in the editorial chair, with his feet on the desk, hjs face covered with a newspaper, asleep." On being asked If that was the way he edited the paper, the un derstudy replied: "Well, Governor Geer told me to do the work as nearly like he does as possible, and I am try ing my best to do it." Editor Geer took two or three days to think up a retort. Then he said in the Tribune, referring to the sleep of the understudy: "The aforesaid young man grappled with the Impossible task of reading the East Oregonian and keeping awake and of course fell by the wayside. As a saporlfic, our es teemed contemporary is both invalu able and Irresistible." Now, we are not "butting into" these controversies. For we have in mind a .passage of Scripture, saying: "He that passeth by and meddleth with strife belonging not to him is like one that taketh a dog by the ears." There fore, we abstain from taking sides and only "print the news." But vA have In mind the celebrated verse: There were two cats in Kilkenny. Each thought there was one cat too many; So they eluved and ...y scratched. They bit and they snatched. Till instead of two cats there weren't any. Milk Germs for Willie. M ILKMAN brought to Utile Willie Creamery germs to drink, and Willie Sent them not to crematory, Else this would be different story. Little Willie drank quarts seven; Now he lives in far-off heaven. Ere he reached that saint emporium, First he went to crematorium. Fred Mulkey "and Wife." ((BRED MULKEY and wife," says a I startling item in the Canyon City Eagle, "were at the Henry Schoene ranch for fruit Saturday." This were enough to send shivers down the backs of ever so many per sons in Oregon. Fred Mulkey and wife! Surely not Fred, Oregon's ex Unlted States Senator, the beau brum mel of Congress, the handsomest man who sat in the National Capitol last Winter surely he has not disappoint ed thousands of hearts by linking with one? v No, he has not. The famous Fred can prove an alibi in Grant County, for at that time he was in Coos County. According to the Bandon Recorder, he was "looking up prospects for re-election." And according to the Myrtle Point Enterprise, he was "meeting with the politicians and other people of this section." Therefore, Fred is not et "took." Fred Mulkey and wife obtained a wagon-load of peach plums during their visit. Our Fred could, if he would, behold a lot of peach girls over in Grant County. Better go, Fred. Earii girl over there controls a vote or two. Wedding Tears. WENT to see a wedding. It seemed to me so queer. J They snickered at the- bridegroom. But wept when she drew near. Now tell me what's the reason That she, so very happy, So laughing and so lovely, Should make their eyes so sappy, While he, In much discomfort. So nervous and so fearful. With snickers should be greeted. Hard trying to be cheerful? But later in the rice time, I saw a change or other, He laughed and she fell crying; 'Twas time to leave her mother. And then the tearful rivers Flowed downward toward the sea. The mother-in-law's the reason. Oh, goodness gracious me! Profits. "THE quality of mercy Is not I strained," said the optimist. "That may be," returned the pessimist, "but it is closely shaved and skinned nowadays and the package Is always short weight." Prosperity in Defeat. WE are told by the Falls City News that Walter L." Tooz-j has five stores In Polk County. Evidently it pays not to go to Congress, doesn't it, Mr. Tooze? And it's almost your time to seek election again, isn't it, Mr. Hawley? If all candidates for office would go to work after defeat, wouldn't Oregon grow? Alas! Vain Hopes. LAS for human hopes! Lightning strikes where not wanted, the un expected always happens, all that glitters is not gold, moth and rust corrupt and thieves break in and steal. O'er in Huntington is a duck thief, whose head the editor of the Herald would like to "punch" "because we wanted the ducks ourselves." The editor proves his temperate language by calling the thief only a "miscreant." We think I an editor who rules himself with such moderation deserves the ducks. We trust he has "punched" the head of the miscreant ere this. " Umatilla County is the shamed posses sor of another kind of thief. He stol "six nice fruit boxes" in Milton from Lafe Williams. "Fruit boxes are as scarce as hen's teeth," Bays the Eaglo, "and the lucky fruitgrower who has a supply on hand is an object of anvy to his less fortunate brethren. Mr. Williams was highly elated and began to imagine himself In the Rockefeller or the Harri man class. But alas for human hopes. The rich man's soul was required of him just when he had got things organ ized." Fond hopes were ever dashed. Hans Breltman, in his ballads famous a gen eration ago. tells us: O vat Is all dis earthly bliss Und vot is man's, soogcess? O vot is various ginds of dings, Und vot Is happiness? Ve find a pank note In der street Next dings dat bank is break Und our ball runs off der track, Ven v'ed der ten-strike make. Two-Sided Question. w E MUST have higher lumber rates," announced the railroad official. "Why?" "Because these present rates were) established when the traffic was small and the lumbermen were poor." "Then you established these rates to help the lumbermen?" "No; because we wanted to make traf fic." "So that when the traffic grew, you might put up the rates?" "Well, you see " "Just like the landlord who puts down rent to get tenants and then raises the rent?" "Well, if the tenant gets rich, can't he afford to pay?" "Harriman is a grabber." declared the enraged lumbermen. "He seizes hold of everything and taps everybody for profits." "That's too IbauV' commented the listener. "By the way, whose timber land Is that." "Mine." "And this?" "Mine." "And all this?" "Mine, too." "How'd you get it" Bought it for $1.25 an acre and er, aw. that's my own business." (Heney had returned.) "Going to do nothing with it until tha growth of the country makes It valu able?" "I'm going to Mive it for the benefit of the public when lumber shall double In price again." "Is It worth $100 an acre?" "Who are you?" "I'm the assessor." "Oh, no; It's worth only $5 an acre." Aunt Polly's Philosophy. t HEN the bridegroom attends) the W next wedding he reads better the thoughts of the married. Some persons think it cheerful to maka pessimistic observations. Money makes the mare go and us, too. An egotist Is a person less fortunate) than the rest of us in disguising his Im portance. A bird in the hat is worth a whole lot more than two In the bush and then some. Only those persons are devoted to your interest who can make something out of them. Stunning Simplicity . ma RS. ROCKS goes to Paris and cornea l back with a $2500 gown, one of whoso stunning effects is said to be its elegant simplicity. Everybody is stunned into raptures over it. Are they stunned because it is so sim ple? Exactly; because anybody with $2500 could have bought it. Like Roosevelt. CHARLIE Bl'CHER, ex-Marshal ot Drain, says the Roseburg News, "has filed on an 80-acre homestead claim on Smith River, Intends to settle down, get married and raise a big family. After being in the frying-pan so long, would Charlie jump into the Are? But there Is no use arguing with a man whose heart has been pierced by Cupid. Well, Charlie, if you ever get into the Roosevelt class, we hope you'll be as desirable a citizen. Forgot Her Side. OU were so glad to get me," de- W clared Mrs. Youngwife, sharply, "that you would have done anything for me." "That's only half the story," retorted the head of the house, drily. "It's the only half that's true," an swered Mrs. Y. As no proof was forthcoming to the con trary, Mrs. Y. had the last word, of course. "Scab" vs. "Toller." H AVE you ever thought it strange How from "toiler" man can change, Though he labor twice the hours, "Scab" become, while Union sours? Revised Version. gT HE way of the transgressor is I hard," declared the old Proverb Maker. Which seemed to mean that the trans gressor's way was hard for the honest man to follow. But justice, unlike the honest man, has since found the way easy in some cases. So that the proverb has come to mean that the way of the transgressor is hard to find out. . That is the version of a number of per sons in Portland who were alarmed by Heney's appearance last week, but have felt wholly respectable since he departed. Love on the Alamo. H. Dlmmick went out to his Olive; Creek placers this week," says the Granite Gem, "to wash gold from his gravel bars. We trust Mr. Dlmmick "met his love in the Alamo, when the moon was on the rise" (if he is single). They say Alamo girls are worth their weight In gold.