THE SUSUAY OKECiOMAX. PORTLAND, SEPTEMBER 8, 1907.
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PORTLAND, SUNDAY. SEPTEMBER 8. 1901
THOSE ORIENTAL ISLANDS.,
What have the Philippine Islands
cost us? Some say enormous sums.
"What, if we retain them, will they con
tinue to cost us? It Is asserted that
the sums will not diminish, and that
the past is the guide to the future. But
what have they actually cost? It Is
pj-Obably an Insoluble problem In arith
metic. Yet It may be" possible to reach
approximation. The conjecture of six
hundred, four hundred, or even two
hundred millions is wild. We mean as
to total cost of the Philippines to us
since we received the islands from
Spain, not including the actual ex
penses of the war which should not be
named as part of the cost of keeping
the Islands.
It Is obvious that the whole military
and naval cost since the treaty of
peace should not be included; for we
had our soldiers to maintain some
where, and our war vessels, too; and
neither Army or Navy is larger, as a
consequence of our retention of the
Philippines. But there have been ad
ditional charges for transportation of
troops, munitions, subsistence and gen
eral supplies. Also for quarters for the
troops and construction of docks and
fortifications. But these sums cannot
possibly have been very large. AH the
expenses .of local government in the
Islands are met by local revenue. So
the suras in excess of what would
have been necessary for. ordinary sup
port of the military and naval estab
lishments, cannot, as a consequence of
our retention of the islands, be very
large. Though the calculation is diffi
cult, it Is. believed that, segregation of
the Philippine account may be made,
approximately; and this work Is now
In progress in the department of in
sular affairs at Washington. One thing
Is quite certain, namely, that the
amount of cost has not been great
enough to make Itself felt In any se
rious way as a burden upon the
Treasury of the United States.
Shall we sell the Islands? What have
we to sell? Our sovereignty? Would It
look well for us to sell that? Besides,
to what nation should we sell, or could
we sell? The only possible buyer at
this time would be one of the great
rations of Europe. It Is not probable
we should wish to Install anyone of
them there. Nor Japan, either; for
Japan, now probably too poor to pay
us any money, would, ultimately. If she
had the Philippines, find her way to
the front as an exceeding great power,
able to threaten our Interests In the
Pacific Besides, . our own people are
rapidly establishing Important Interests
in the Islands; and .the educational
system which our people are creating
there is Itself becoming bond of no
mean Importance. The Filipinos can
not' yet, nor for many years, be left
to themselves. We must stay, or turn
them over fo some other power who
can govern them and keep the peace.
If. left "to themselves their dissensions
would speedily bring others on the
scene Japan probably, or Germany.
Then the Islands would become a men
ace to us. It is our Interest, In high
degree, to keep them out of the hands
or any other great power. Should we
quit them the time is most likely to
cinne wht'fi We shall be sorry for It.
Looking down the vista even of one
hundred years, cannot any. American
se the probability that we shall have
a Tit of repentance over our relinquish
ment of the islands, if we part with
them now? .For assistance of our Pa
cific commerce they hold an admirable
paction; we shall always want a naval
station In the Orient, and we shall
need the service In the Islands and on
the seas for discipline in military and
naval, life, and for lessons In civil ad
ministration. Our country should be
prepared to meet the nations of the
e irth in every sort of activity and com
petition. . ,, '
That the people of the United States
will ever decide to quit the Islands may
be deemed highly Improbable. Equally
Improbable is it that the people of.
the islands, after they become settled
and arrive at an appreciation of what
the United States has done for them,
will want us to withdraw. Free trade
between them and the United, States,
which must come soon, will cement the
Interests of the Islands with those of
the United States. Maintenance of
peace, with justice, will be another
bond, and the educational system
which our people are so fast building
up throughout the archipelago, will
rapidly prepare the minds of the young
for an affectionate Interest In "the
mother country." Should the time ever
come when the two parties will wish to
separate, then the separation will be ef
fected with dignity, peace and" delib
eration. But the longer the sovereignty
of the United States shall continue, the
less likelihood that separation will be
desired by either party. In. matters of
this kind there is a destiny that points
the way.
BILLY SUNDAY.
From time to time accounts appear In
the newspapers and magazines of the
work of a remarkable man named
William Sunday. ' He Is an evangelist
who preaches repentance, the remis
sion of sins and judgment to come in
the towns of the Middle West. Some
thing of his personality may be guessed
from the name "Billy Sunday" that he
goes by. No machine ecclesiastic with
his sanctimony, ceremonious incanta
tions and Iron-clad theology was eve
called "Billy." .
Sunday began life as a baseball play
er with the Chicago White Stockings,
but he was converted young, forsook
baseball and his other sins simultane
ously, and began to preach what he
calls the gospel. His ministry has
achieved a success which can only be
compared with that of St. Patrick,
John Wesley, Mrs. Eddy, and other re
vivalists of the first rank. It Is said
that Billy Sunday has saved the souls
of one hundred thousand persons by his
preaching. Think how his heavenly
crown will glitter with a star In it for
every convert. Think also how wanly
beside the effulgent glory of his halo
will shine the diadem of the routine
pulpiteer who rehearses, parrot-like.
his hebdomadal platitudes and never
converts anybody. Why cannot every
preacher, In his degree, do a work like
Billy Sunday's?
It would be an error to say .that he
Is sincere while they are not. Few
preachers are hypocrites, exactly.
Their discourses miss the mark widely.
Their sermons might as well be
pounded out on a brazen pot for all the
good they do; but the trouble with
them isnot so much Insincerity as lack
of understanding. The ministers who
understand what true worship is are
rare. Most of them take It for granted
that the Deity Is satisfied with threeor
four prayers once a week, a little mu
sic, more or less sacred, and a couple
of essays on Moses or Paul. These of
ferings, made regularly on Sunday, are
supposed to please him so mightily that
he forgets what the preacher and con
gregation have been doing all the rest
of the week. Truly, he must' be easy
to please. That worship Is a method
of living and not a matter of advent!
tious sighs, ejaculations and gestures,
has never dawned upon some minis
terial Intellects. The pulpit has never
lost its faith in magic rites. Billy Sun
day has discarded ecclesiastical magic
altogether. He addresses the Lord, not
In the langosge' of -Incantation,' but as
one man talks to another; and the Lord
seems to pay a great deal more atten
tion to what he says than he does to
the queer stuff that is ordinarily called
"prayer." The current American Mag
azine gives some specimens of Sunday's
prayers which most ministers might
read with instruction. We should love
to see them Included in the rituals of
the churches, and we would almost
wager that nobody would slumber
while they were being offered up. Not
only does the pulpit fall to understand
what worship is, but it ruins lament
ably the significance of Jesus' life and
death. As commonly taught, his death
is the all-important matter. By it he
purchased forgiveness of our sins from
the Almighty. We shall pass over, for
the present, this "scheme of salvation,"
and only remark that there is no war
rant for It in the New Testament. It
Is an invention pure and simple of the
theologians who prefer logic to right
eousness. To Jesus himself the all-im
portant matter was his teaching and
the example of his life. His death was
a mere incident. "Be ye also perfect
even as I am perfect," he says; and
agafh, "If ye love me keep my com
mandments."
Now we sing hymns and recount pa
thetically the story of the crucifixion
and wrangle over the precise function
of the Godhead which Jesus contained
but we are neither perfect as he was
nor do . wc keep his commandments
Not one of. his commandments do we
keep either in church or out of It. The
fact Is amazing, but It is undeniable.
If any one of them is anywhere ob
served by anybody, will some person
please cite It? He forbade public pray
ers, but our ministers deliver long and
eloquent petitions j nevertheless. He
forbade showy almsgiving, but we
sound the trumpet when we aid the
poor or endow a college. He con
demned riches, and we are all rich, or
try to be. He commanded non-reslst
ance to evil and laid down the golden
rule. As to the golden rule the theo
logians have proved that Jesus taught
a better one than Confucius and that
seems to satisfy them. The thought
of obeying it never enters their heads.
As to non-resistance they tell us
that it would destroy society, which is
certainly a fine compliment either to
Jesus or to society, we do not quite
know which.
It would be interesting to see Jesus'
doctrines put In practice. Not merely
praised and preached about and ex
plained away, but actually put In prac-
tice. We should like to see Christianity
tried once on a large scale. Would it
really plunge society Into anarchy, or
would it fill the woild with peace and
Joy? .
Pioneer citizens of St. John have or
ganized an association the object of
which is to gather all data possible In
regard to the early settlement of that
growing city and of the life of Its
founder, James John. The effort is a
worthy one, and timely as well, since
that which Is done in the matter with
any degree of fullness and accuracy
must be done within a few years. Mr,
John left no descendants and no one
has come forward with a claim to his
property who has been able to main
tain such a contention before the
courts. Efforts In this line have diss!
pated practically all of the line prop
erty left by Mr. John In his will for
school purposes, but his good intent Is
still to be honored by his fellow-plo-
neers, who purpose to raise a suitable
monument over his grave, and incorpo-
rate such facts of his life history as are
obtainable in the archives of the city.
Thrift, Integrity and 'benevolence char
acterised his life qualities that it befits
a community which was served and
honored by them to commemorate.
I
JAPAN AS A COMPETITOR.
The promptness with which Japan Is
losing with Industrial opportunities as j
presented by Western Ingenuity, and j
enterprise Is noted in the establishment
in the city of Kyoto, of a modern cot
ton factory in which over 2000 opera
tives are employed. This mill has an
equipment that is equal to any of Its
kind In. the world. In accordance with
the exclusive policy that for centuries
guarded Japan from the outside world.
this factory Is Jealously guarded from
the Intrusion of the inquisitive trades
man or the wily competitor. The in
ner workings of the plant are only
known to the few; the general public is
denied admission; no one except of
ficials of the government has access to
the Interior save, of course, the em
ployes. The buildings, of which there
are three under one maangement, are
modern and of solid masonry. The
large one covers an area of over 300,
000 square feet.
That which concerns us most to
know In regard to this Industry Is that
It is turning out goods which are in
direct competition with those manu
factured In the United States for the
Japanese, Chinese and Manchurian
trade. The output of this cotton fac
tory last year was over 300,000 pieces
of 40-yard lengths. The designs and
colorings of these printed cotton cloths
were purely Oriental, and their quality
was of, uniform excellence. In these
two particulars manufacturers for the
Eastern trade have fallen short of sup
plying actual demand. The initial ship
ments sent to the long-closed, ports of
he Orient were not of goods attrac
tive to the eye or suitable to the
needs and habits of the people. Nor
were they generally, the best of their
kind. The great factory at Kyoto Is
managed by men who, being born and
bred to Oriental tastes and customs,
cater to these with a painstaking care
that opens the market at once to their
products. The goods manufactured for
the home trade, for example, are in
semi-conspicuous stripes and quaint
figures of soft browns, blues and reds.
and of gray and white mixtures, while
the Chinese market calls for warm col
ors of solid patterns with very little
of figure. The whole effect, says an
American who has been a close ob
server of the situation, not only In the
manufacture, but In the packing and
shipping of these goods, ta toward a
complete understanding of competitive
requirements, for every detail Is car
ried out- In accordance with the pur
pose of giving the purchaser what he
wants, even to the extent of making
the labels attractive and carefully see
ing that they misrepresent nothing.
The looms for this great growing and
carefully guarded industry are from
America; so also is the electrical ma
chinery. The printing machines are
from Eugland, and Germany supplies
the colors. The laborers are Japanese
with the single exception of the man
In charge of the designing department,
and he is Swiss. Of the operatives a
large proportion are women and girls.
than whom no more patient, dextrous
and enduring laborers are to be found
in the world. They receive as wage
from 25 to 35 sen per day, the maxi
mum figure being on the piece basis
and-representing from 12Vi -to 17"& cents
per day.
Upon this last item the question of
competition with Japan in the manu
facture of cotton goods largely de
pends. American manufacturers can
learn, and to a considerable extent have
learned, to cater to the tastes and
wants of special countries and peoples
of the Far East. But, the machinery
once Installed, the laborer's wage is an
item that enters largely into the ques
tion of profit on production. In this,
American manufacturers can never
hope to compete with those of Japan.
The latter country literally swarms
with men, women and children - who
earnestly desire to work, who must
work and who feel that work Is a
blessing to be sought after diligently,
not a burden to be shirked or avoided
when possible to do so. Whereas In
this country the estimate of labor as a
blessing and a burden, changes places.
Briefly, as deduced from this show
ing, Japan can import manufacturing
machinery from America, printing ma
chines from England, coloring matter
from Germany, a designer from Switz
erland and cotton from Texas and by
studying the habits and catering to the
tastes of Oriental peoples and turning
the labor of h'er teeming millions Into
the problem at from 12"& to 17 cents
a day, can become our most formidable
competitor in the cotton goods' markets
of the Far East, and perhaps eventual
ly in Western markets. The situation
Is one that must be reckoned with
when the question of tariff revision
comes up for consideration In Con
gress. SAMUEL ADAMS.
The third, volume of "The Writings of
Samuel Adams" has Just been pub
lished. It contains his letters and mis
cellaneous essays written between 1773
and 1777, when he was a factor so ac
tive and Important in fomenting the
Revolution. Perhaps his principal work
was the organization of the "commit
tees of correspondence" which kept
the patriots throughout New England
Informed of one another's doings and
of the machinations of the British and
Tories. Considering that there was at
that time no National postage system
and that travel was slow, difficult and
expensive. It Is wonderful how thor
oughly news was distributed by letter-
writers.
Samuel Adams was the prince of agi
tators. Tireless and fearless, he in
cessantly stirred up public sentiment,
denouncing the British and heartening
the colonists. Besides his letters, he
showered the country with "incendi
ary" pamphlets and wrote continuously
for the Boston Gazette, exercising "a
far-reaching Influence in preparing the
popular mind for revolution and in has
tenlng the approach of the crisis." Of
the obnoxious Lord North, whose- stu
pidity was an occasion, if not a cause.
of the separation between England and
her colonies, his criticism is unsparing.
He even predicts a day when the Eng
lish "absorbed In luxury and dissipa
tlon shall sink into obscurity
and contempt." This was written long
before Macaulay's famous New Zealan
der thought of weeping over London
Bridge another warning that all the
good things have been said before and
that everybody who writes is a plagia
rist In deed If not In purpose.
Adams was not a man of construc
tive thought. Hence,- as soon as the
Revolution was actually under way,
his usefulness ended and he became
an obstructionist. The born-agitator Is
ever a thorn in the flesh of the prac
tical statesman. Samuel Adams harried
Washington; the furious abolitionists
gave Lincoln no peace; Patrick Henry
opposed the adoption .of the Consti
tution. Still, they have their place in
the world. We should never progress
without them, though It is very difficult
to progress with them. If men like
Samuel Adams could only stir up trou
ble and then die, leaving others to
settle It, the arrangement would be
quite ideal. One could almost wish
that all of them might be treated like
John Brown whose timely death was
advantageous both for his own glory
and for the comfort of his contempora
ries. The fact that so many agitators
survive to become pests illustrates
once more the imperfection of this un
satisfactory world.
WHAT IS A REASONABLE RATE?
"All the traffic will bear" is quite
likely a part of the policy of the rail
roads in fixing the freight rate on lum
ber to the East. In recent years tim
ber has become scarce in the East and
the market for Coast lumber in that
part of the country has been growing
rapidly. At the same time prices of
lumber have advanced, both in the
state of manufacture and In the state
of sale. Since the aupplyvrfn the East
is short and the West must be looked
to for lumber, there is a practical cer
tainty that quantities sufficient to meet
a large part of the demand will be
shipped even If prices be raised a little.
The railroads therefore figure that the
traffic will bear a little heavier freight
rate and they put up the figures. This
of course hurts the Western manufac
turer, for an increase of $3.30 per thou
sand In the freight rate either compels
the consumer to pay the higher price or
the producer to accept a lower price
In the one case presumably- lessening
the demand somewhat and in the other
cutting off the profits.
Confronted) by this situation, and
knowing that there is no competition
In rates between railroads, the lumber
men of the Coast are looking to the
Interstate Commerce Commission for
relief, and learn, as Indicated by the
communication from George M. Corn
wall published yesterday, that the
powers of the Commission are not ex
tensive enough. That remedial legis
lation Is imperative in order to protect
lumbermen as well as other shippers,
he asserts, and he particularly desires
an amendment to the present law
which will prevent a railroad company
from increasing rates without approval
of the Commission. At present the
law permits the railroad to put a new
rate Into effect and the shipper must
appeal to the Commission for relief,
paying the new rate in the meantime.
The argument in favor of extended
powers for the Interstate Commerce
Commission, In this respect, is Bound.
In law, the shipping of freight consti
tutes a contract, by which the trans
portation company and the shipper
agree that the former shall carry the
freight and that the latter shall pay a
certain compensation for the service.
As a matter of fact, the contract Is pre
pared, both as to terms and compensa
tion, by the transportation company.
and the shipper must accept It whether
he agrees or not.
Government regulation of railroads is
based upon the principle that the ship
per has a right to be heard in the mak
ing of the terms of the contract. The
Commission, whether state or inter
state, is neither a representative of the
shipper nor of the railroad company,
but an Intermediary, charged with the
duty of hearing both sides of a con
troversy and determining what is Just
and reasonable. The transportation
company has a right to a reasonable
compensation and that and no more the
shipper should be compelled to pay.
But if the company has the power to
establish a new rate and put It in force
without the shipper being heard, the
contract is ono-sided, notwithstanding
the shipper has a right of appeal to the
Commission. The transportation com
pany could not be very seriously In
jured by. a requirement that the old
rate be maintained until a hearing
could be had, while the shipper might
easily be injured by the temporary en
forcement of a rate that is unjust. The
transportation company established the
rate in the first instance and hence can
reasonably be expected to show Justifi
cation for a raise before the advanced
rate shall be put into effect. In the
case of a rate established by the Com
mission it is proper that the rate be
put in force Immediately, for a hearing
has been had, and the aggrieved party
can Justly be required to abide, by the
rate pending an appeal to the courts.
If the advance of 10 cents a hundred, of
$3.30 per ton In the rate on lumber la
reasonable, It should be established,
but there should be some means of de
termining the reasonableness before It
goes into effect.
THE LABORER AND THE ORCHARD.
The man with a barrel of money who
is buying sixty thousand young apple
trees for a commercial orchard he is
planning for his Immense acreage near
Mountain Home, Idaho, Is evidently
doing It without fear of the labor lord,
the hired man. All other essentials are
at hand. That section of Idaho Is Just
right for the apple. The sun shines
bright all Summer long- to put the rosy
hue on the fruit; the science of the Irri
gator gives the tree all the moisture it
needs at the proper time; this same
applied science will shut off the water
that the sap may go down early and
avoid Winter killing; the temperature
during the Winter months is all the
orchardlst can desire, for It Is oftener
below than above the little round mark
on the thermometer, and the pest that
would hibernate cannot get far enough
Into the ground to avoid freezing to
death; the location on the Oregon Short
Line Is just right for shipping either
way and the laws prevent excessive
charges.
All these advantages swing the pen
dulum to the optimistic side, and the
single discordant note In the harmony
Is labor. Right there the owner will
find a bite too big to masticate. There
is no floating body of workers in that
or any other section of this Coast to
handle the crop in picking and packing
time. The men up there who have
ranches of 160 or 320 acres, with a great
part in alfalfa and more or less in
grain, find their work altogether too
little diversified to keep help employed
the year round In numbers sufficient
to meet the stress when it comes. The
yellow man prefers to make his own
garden with the help of a few cousins
that somehow get past the exclusion
offlcjals to the small harm of the Na
tion. The brown man Is too unreliable
for any dependence. There are no
"farm laborers" as in the East and
Europe going hither and yon In colo
nies. Invention may In time, but not
yet nor soon, devise machinery to do
the work. So that Is where the owner
will find he has "bitten off more than
he can chew."
Yet he will prove a benefactor. He
can hold it down for the few years nec
essary to cultivate the trees, and then,
with uplifted hands Invoking all crea
tion to witness the like It never saw
before, he will in disgust turn his big
apple orchard over to a Bright real es
tate man to be cut up into ten-acre
holdings, each with its little family
finding Just enough to do tq make them (
prosper. Then the salvation or tne
Mountain Home country will begin.
Necessity knows no law not even an
unwritten law. Here in the Pacific
Northwest there is a sort of unwritten
law against the employment of Chinese
and Japanese at labor in which whites
are -ordinarily employed. The man who
employs the Orientals does so with
some feeling that he has committed an
undefined crime and he makes excuses
to his own conscience and to his
friends. The candidate for office who
has ever employed Chinese laborers has
a defense to make on the stump and
even to charge a candidate with such
an offence Is to call for an emphatic
denial or a difficult explanation. But
this year the unwritten law against
the employment of this kind of labor
has been set aside by the pressure of
necessity and men who ordinarily
would not consider the employment of
Japs and Chinese have made contracts
to have their crops gathered by the
yellow and. the brown men. If any de
fense or explanation should ever be
called for, the plea of necessity will be
sufficient
We shall always have with us the
man who will swindle an over-trusting
friend by misrepresenting the character
of land he owns and wishes to get rid
of. We shall always have, also, the
over-trusting people who buy farms
they have never seen. Controversies
between these two classes of people
will therefore be presented for settle
ment In the courts. In the case of a
widow, such as the woman -who pre
sented her story before Judge Ganteiv
beln Thursday, sympathy must always
be with the plaintiff, as it also will be
when an Infirm old man has been im
posed upon. But when a man in pos
session of ordinary intelligence permits
himself to be deceived in such a man
ner, sympathy bestowed would be mis
placed. Boys who trade jack-knives
"unslght and unseen" grin and bear the
result. Older boys must learn to do
likewise. But there is a difference be
tween folly and infirmity.
Rural mallcarrlers will watch with
considerable interest the experiment of
the Clackamas county carrier who will
run an automobile instead of driving
a horse. It is altogether probable that
In good weather the auto will be su
perior in service and cheaper to main
tain than a horse. For a few months
In the Winter when roads are muddy
the horse and cart will very likely be
best adapted to the needs of the car
rier. Farmers along the route will not
be so favorably impressed with the red
vehicle, for autos are plentiful enough
to suit them now. There will be this
compensating feature, however, that
the farm horses will the sooner be
come accustomed to the puff and whir
of the auto if one passes down the
road every day. And sooner or later
the horse must make up his mind to
accept the auto as a friend and not an
enemy.
Oregon Agricultural College fias made
the enrollment of 1000 students in 1907
one of the attainments to be recorded
this year. If this were the only purpose
one might well wish It would fall, but
It isn't. The Agricultural College not
only seeks the students but gives them
a good year's training after it gets
them. The heavy appropriation made
by the Legislature last Winter will en
able the. school to care for a much
larger number of students than ever
before, and In a much better manner.
Whatever occupation one may follow,
he will find the sort of education he
gets at the Agricultural College a prac
tical aid to him. May the 1000-mark
be passed as soon as the farmer boys
get their season's work at home com
pleted. The ordinance requiring owners to
hitch horses that are left standing
upon the streets attached to delivery
Wagons and other vehicles, should be
strictly enforced, of course. For what
other purpose was It enacted? The
same may be said of all other unre
pealed ordinances upon the city's
statute book. One, for example, re
quires vacant lots, whereon weeds run
riot and mature millions of seeds, to
be cleared up by the owner. Another
one .forbids the dumping of tin cans
and other refuse upon vacant lots and
In gulches. Such ordinances are not
specially ornamental. If they are not
to be made useful by enforcement, they
should be repealed.
Officials of the United States Navy
are assured that there Is plenty of
water on the bar and the battleships
can safely come to the Columbia. And
except on Sundays there Is plenty of
something else on the bar In Columbia
River ports. Come on, lads.
If members of rival hack-drivers' un
Ions refuse to go into the same funeral
procession, what will happen when two
or more combatants simultaneously
reach the pearly gates where Peter
keeps open shop?
In view of the failure of Mrs. Eddy's
next friends. It may be profitable for
Mr. Bryan's closest associates to ask
for a commission to examine into the
question of his capacity to manage the
Democratic party.
When Bryan called Taft the Great
Postponer, he probably forgot that he
had himself but recently announced the
postponement of his ideal govern
ment-ownership of railroads.
our reiiow-citizens wno won prizes
at the Irrigation Congress will serve a
good purpose by keeping Mr. Harriman
Informed on the productive capacity of
inaccessible Oregon.
Only seven years until the Panama
Canal Is done. Oregon waited a great
deal longer for the first Pacific road
after Its first sod was turned.
Some people seem to worry over the
likelihood that Walter Wellman will
lose his life in the arctic. Well, he
never did.
The scientist who declares that Ve
suvius will not soon break out again
must have looked deep into the sub
Ject.
Loss of a million dollars on a bad
loan may serve as a preventive of larg
er losses at future local world's fairs.
It will probably go down to history
as the Jimtown fizzle.
COMMENT ON SUNDRY OREGON TOPICS
Disappointment In Love Kly In Hnrrimnn'n Ointment Deadly Milk
Prices Love and Cookery Happy Fuel Trust Benefit of Labo
Scarcity
ISAPPOINTMENT in -love is a
marvel, past the power of any
living man to explain. It might
be inferred from this text that the fol
lowing discourse is to be a 20th cen
tury Sunday vaudeville sermon. To en
courage fearful readers, we shall enter
a disclaimer, right here at the start.
One might suppose, from reading the
Friday news of the divorce courts, that
most misery is dual. But the country
newspapers everywhere reveal that a
surprisingly large quantity is single.
Disappointment is so rampant that the
editor of the North Bend Harbor, Coos
County, bursts out with: "Make the
most of everything you have today; to
morrow's promises are not at par."
From Seattle the other day came the
tale of Miss Zahlton, of Omaha, who
met Mr. Patterson on the train west
ward, fell in love with him and gave
him a diamond ring and $300 until he
should procure the license to wed. But
Mr. Pattercon, Instead of procuring the
license, "skipped out."
We doubt Mlsa Zahlton will trust an
other man for a while at least. Of
course, if all women should form a
union and stick to this- resolution, the
men- very shortly would round up the
wretches and put them out of the way
presupposing there should be enough
men of serious intentions to force the
others into line. But if this were pos
sible, It would have been resorted to
by the women long ago. The best so
lution, after all, is Shakespeare's ad
vloe In Much Ado:
Blg-h no more, ladles, sigrh no more.
Men were deceivers ever;
One foot In sea and. ons on (dwnj
To one thing; constant never.
Then sigh not so.
But let them go.
Ana be you blithe and bonny.
Converting; all your sounds of ("!
Into. Hey nonny, nonny.
But the single blessedness misery Is
not one-sided. From ' peaceful Athena
comes a harrowing; story of perfldlty
by the fair party. "Jap Marquis," says
the Press, "Is having a peck of troubles.
He announces that he espoused a widow
In Walla Walla and that on his return
trip, having business In Pendleton, his
newly wedded wife passed on through,
promising to return on the next train.
He has met all trains, but she comes
not."
Disappointment is a hard master. It
akes slaves of everybody but the
pessimists, or rather they are the only
ones -who delude themselves believing
they are free. "We are again minus a
typewriter," says the Merrill Record,
Klamath County, "one of the hotels Is
minus a waitress and Incidentally a
father came near being minus a daugh
ter or plus a son-in-law. The father
saved the daughter, but the hotel and
the paper are total shipwrecks." And
a philosopher In the Cloverdale Cour
ier, Tillamook County, observes: "They
say that sometimes, when a fellow butts
In and takes another fellow's girl to
the county fair, he isnt always sure he
can take her home."
But some happiness remains, after all.
In Coos, the Bandon Recorder says that
William Panter, since the arrival of
a nine-pound heir, has had a spasm of
joy, but If given time, like other mem
bers of the family, will recover. Up
In Umatilla the Rev. George T. Ellis,
of Athena, Is the happy possessor of a
new lot of blank marriage certificates.
And In distant Klamath, some joyous
resident of Merrill amused himself
"strewing rotten eggs along the side
walk." So let's not despair.
Deadly 3111k Prices.
DOC COTTE3L said to Bailey
"In milk's so big a store
Of germs, that folks are dying
Who never died before."
To which Bro. Bailey answered
"The people you soft-soap them
Less folk would die If doctors
Would feed them milk, not dope them.'
'Tls strange that men so learned.
So far fro'm truth should wander.
And, wasting breath on microbes.
Milk prices fall to ponder.
Fly In the Ointment.
X a fertile "desert," the great rail
I road monarch, tired and soiled, rubbed
his Aladdin lamp.
At once a railroad track stretched away
toward Wall street.
Again the monarch rubbed the lamp and
a special car stood before him forthwith.
Yet once more he rubbed and found him-
self at ease In the car, his valet pulling
off his shoes and a waiter serving wine
But there was a big clamor outside.
"Confound that infernal lamp," he ex
claimed, "It won't make the public shut
up," and all he could say further was
"The public be d ."
Wherein we again see that there is
fly In every ointment.
Aunt Polly's Philosophy.
OUXTRY Fair A place where states
, men come to meet the people and to
shun each other.
Wedding That which the friends and
kin think a bore to attend, but from
which they stay away angry if not In
vited. Christmas present That which many
defeated candidates for office will buy
with cigar coupons, a little more than
three months hence.
Hard Winter That which the fuel trust
was first to foresee, but said nothing
about.
Ox An animal, the goring of which
makes a difference only to those persons
who own oxen.
Cold Cash A substance which causes
people to warm up to its possessor.
Explained. '
,f HAT you lack, my boy," said the
W father, "is initiative."
"Yes." answered, the son, whose weak
ness was indolence- and procrastination,
"but I have plenty of referendum."
Whereupon the father realized what
ailed the boy; he was bred in Clackamas
County.
Looking Far Ahead.
CHARLES I. was just mounting the
scaffold to be beheaded.
"Ah, ha!" he exclaimed, "I'll get even
with these bloody English yet."
Wherein we see that Charles prevented
disdainful Britishers, for all time, from
asking American tourists. In a sneering
manner, about assassins or. lynchers In
this country.
UP IN Benton County, a Monroe news
gatherer of the Corvallis Republican
accuses Portland of "draining this vicinity
of working hands to such an extent as to
cause a labor famine here." Farther
away in Crook, a Paulina correspondent
of the Prineville Journal says "scarcity
of hay hands made slow work this sea
son." In Union County, whose chief town
recently was reported overrun with hobos,
the La Grande Observer cries: "Men
wanted! Help wanted!" All over Oregon
fruit drops from trees for lack of hands
to pluck it.
Yet It's an 111 wind that blows nobody
good. In far-away Wallowa, two gentle
men, spurning to contribute their labors
In the town of Joseph, got drunk and were
fined $5 and $10, and then were sent to
Jail for a day for contempt of court for
calling the Justice a "bird of a court."
Bo much was their sum total of pleasure
from prosperity. - In Coos County, A.
Jamison, responding to the call of the
prosperous thirsty, has opened a new
saloon. And In Benton, a "dry" county,
the PhllomafLi Review calls attention to
Idleness, saying: "We venture to state
without fear of contradiction, that there
has been more drunkenness and gambling
in tho City of Philomath during; the
past six or eight months, than tor any
similar period of our four yearo' resi
dence." The labor acardty has added to plea
sures of this gentry. But it has benefited
others differently. It has added to the
credit, for example, of one, S. A Thomas,
editor of the Lexington Wheatfield, of
whom It Is recorded In the Happner
Gazette: '
"He certainly has all the other tows-
paper boys laid on the shelf when It
comes to work. Just now, during hot
weather Editor Thomas is loading header
boxes in the harvest field at $3.50 per,
in the day time. At night he goes to
Lexington, gets out bis paper, runs the
electiio light plant and the creamery
and employs his leasure time In the dtrtlea
of town marshal. Here is our hat Brother
Thomas."
It la recorded in the Canyon City Hftglo
that William and Charles Smith, and R.
M. Lyon "have completed the cntttn of
230 cords of wood on the rewu i for
residents of Canyon City.'
Why la It that the strsoig-snt mtorf-ea
come from farthest from home?
It's Our Wood.
PUEL'a high, you wish to buy l
The refuse slabs at sawmills;
But though you sigh and loudly cryt
.Your plea no pity Instills.
Tt will not pay," they curtly say,
"To sell you refuse slabwood.
We wish to plump It on our dump.
Tor there It does us more good.
"And though the cost (much -would be
lost).
Would come out of your pocket.
We must not let you slabwood get;
The trust would not allow It.
"So pay the price and act real nice;
Without us you would shiver;
It's our biz; how much wood's Hz.
We're warm; what makes yfu
quiver?"
Young Hopefuls.
TOT, 5 years old after dreaming that a
baby arrived at her house, was
telling her mother about It at breakfast.
"Was the baby miner" asked the
mother.
"No, mother," responded Tot, "It was
mine."
Willie had seen so many fine fish
brought into the Summer hotel that he
Imagined it easy to catch them.
So his mother, after much importuning,
fitted him up and sent him forth to a
cafe fishing place. .
After long and patient effort, Willie re
turned, his hands empty of fish and his
face full of disappointment.
"The ocean is too big," he explained
to his mother. "The fish couldn't find
my hook."
Marion, 4 years old, was one of the
guests at her mother's afternoon re
ception, along with very many other
ladies.
Several of the visitors dropped cake
crumbs on the parlor carpet, to th
disgust of the youngest member of the
party. So she fetched the carpet
sweeper and went to work gathering
up the crumbs.
"Wouldn't It be better," asked her
mother, "to wait until the ladies have
gone?"
"No, mother," was the response;
"they are too dirty."
Love and Cookery.
((IF A man is realy In love," quotes
I somebody in a comic magazine
proverb, in answer to one of Aunt Polly's
philosophies, "he doesn't care whether the
girl can cook or not."
That Isn't true. We have it on the
authority of Bud Hopkins, of Molalla
Forks, who is looking for a wife than he
will lave every girl who can cook. We
also have it on the authority of Sam
Simpkins, of Tumallo Creek, that if a
girl can cook, he doesn't care whether he
loves or not, she will fill the bill. Now,
in the caees of Bud and Sam, it is clear
that "in love" Is merely a secondary
emotion and- that "can cook" is the pri
mary. Chances are, neither Bud nor Sam
could fall in love unless the girl could
cook. Everybody knows that the first
woman neld her spell over the first
man by feeding hin and finally got
him into the devil of a lot of trouble
by the magic. There is an (.Id proverb
that the way to a man's heart Is through'
his stomach. This proverb Is far older
than comic magazine gush and more
reliable.
The truth is a man doesn't cai-e whether
a girl can cook or not so long as he
doesn't love her.
"Feed the brute" is the woman's side
of the case.
Why Prohis So Gay'
Rains come.
Hops "bum,"
Prohis in glee.
But, stay:
Their gay
Seems strange to me.
Less hops.
Than drops
Water in beer
Prolii
Should sigh
When rain falls here.