THE SUNDAY OREGOMAN, PORTLAND, AUGUST 18, 1907.
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PORTLAND, SUNDAY, AUfi. 1. I""'-
D1MORAL LITERATURE.
An exciting discussion has arisen
among our literary pontiffs and ar
biters ot taste over the question why
the Americans of today prefer to read
American books. Formerly It was not
o. Not many years ago the best sell
ing books in this country were in
variably written in England. The
works of our own authors were read
with an apology, if they were read at
all. The English despised our writers
md we, as in duty bound, followed their
example, though it was felt that pat
riotism demanded a more or less
shamefaced patronage of home talent.'
Now all is changed. The best selling
books in the United States are written
on this side of the water; it is even
said that the tables have been com
pletely turned and that our literature,
like our tobacco and kerosene, is con
quering the British market. The rea
son for this startling reversal of rela
tions has been diligently sought. The
Springfield Republican thinks that it is
because the novel, which is the only
kind of literature that we produce in
appreciable quantity or quality, has
ceased to be a dominant literary form.
The universal vogue which it enjoyed
In the times of Scott, Dickens and
Thackeray has passed, and fiction is
now devoted to the discussion of the
minor questions which interest particu-'
lar cliques or to the description of the
life of particular localities. Hence its
appeal is circumscribed. English
novels interest little circles in England
and our own novels interest little cir
cles at home, while none of them ap
peals to humanity at large.
This explanation leaves two things
unaccounted for. It does not tell why
one American novel after another,
though ephemeral, crude in style and
arid In thought, nevertheless pleases
the whole Nation instead of a local
audiences nor does it tell why the Eng
lish are beginning to read our fiction
Instead of their own. A theory more
soothing to our vanity than the Repub
lican's is that our novels are displacing
the British, both at home and abroad,
because they are more pure. The Re
publican admits their purity. It con
cedes in so many words that the great.
Indeed the only, striking merit of
American literature is Its purity; but
it cannot see why this virtue should
make it so attractive. Virtue in gen
eral is anything but attractive. Eng
lish literature, according to this theory,
has degenerated from the immaculate
delicacy of the Victorian period. It
has begun to occupy itself with the dis
cussion of risky matters like marital in
fidelity, free love and physiological phe
nomena. These things are abhorrent
to the sanctified souls of the great mid
dle class, which composes the British
market for books. Turning with re
pugnance from this gross intellectual
food, they seek the chaster productions
of American writers., The English mind
Is naturally extremely delicate. It will
tolerate nothing in literature which sa
vors of indecency. Continental writers
are notoriously neglectful of the propri
eties in their novels and plays; Ameri
cans are notoriously proper. Hence the
popularity of our authors in Britain, a
popularity which seems to indicate that
once in a while, if not always, virtue
receives its due recompense this side of
heaven.
The trouble with this theory is pat
ent to anybody who knows the history
of English literature. The British in
tellect, while ravenously avid of virtue
In all Its forms, is nevertheless consist
ently indelicate. Most of the great
works of English literature are shock
ingly plain spoken. The Victorian
period stands alone in its freedom' from
grossness. Chaucer revels in naughty
tales. Shakespeare does not hesitate to
call a spade a spade. Pope is lewd,
which Is a great deal worse than being
Indelicate. Fielding is unchaste. Even
Goldsmith permits a fallen woman to
return to respectable society in 'Trie
. vioar of Wakefield." Evidently the
current disposition of British writers
to discuss risky subjects is not a tran-
sient lapse, but a return to an inveter
ate national habit. The same habit is
noticeable in all the literatures of the
world except our own.
Of all these literatures ours is the
weakest. Has our purity anything to
do with out intellectual sterility? Can
a literature be pure and at the same
time Immoral? We know, of course,
that it can be pure and silly at the
same time; but silliness, happily for our
authors, is not necessarily immorality.
Certain German critics boldly declare
that American literature, in spite of its
careful- delicacy in language and sub
ject matter, is rankly indecent. Just
afe the discreet fig leaves on our. nude
statues suggest more than they con
ceal, so the ingenious devices which our
authors invent to avoid mentioning for
bidden topics actually fasten the read
ers attention upon them. The reader
perceives that the author's .mind must
have been preoccupied with indecen
cies; otherwise he could not have
shunned them so deftly. To be pre
pared at all points against sudden ac
cusation Is one of the well-known signs
of guilt. It is the fox which can never
be caught napping. If this is true, then
we can easily understand the growing
popularity of American books in Eng
land. The gross British mind discovers
its. natural food in their extremely sug
gestive pages.
What goes by the name, of American
literature is afflicted with a decadent
neurasthenia which is vastly worse
than Indelicacy. It is so preoccupied
with what it must not say that it fails
to say anything worth while. Its
crowning achievement in this genera
tion has been a thin, chill, nervously
dyspeptic form of the short story. This
literary disaster is elaborately wrought,
euphulstic and disingenuous in style,
painfully self-conscious and to the last
degree immoral. It Is immoral, in the
first place, because it .is diseased, and
the universe, is so arranged that virtue
and health travel in company. Worse
still, perhaps, it is doubly false: .false
both in what it teaches of human na
ture and in what "it denies. It teaches
the unique worth to the soul of foolish
conventions and snobbish conformity. It
denies the sacredness of that part of us
which makes the joy of life and the im
mortality of the race. A literature
which is guilty of sins like these may
boast of its purity as much as it
pleases, but It has little else to boast of,
and its doom is as certain as the tri
umph of life over death.
TRl'TH AND OAS FINANCES. -
The reason why the Portland Gas
Company didn't make an. intelligible
and correct report of Its financial con
dition to the City Auditor is, very like
ly, that it doesn't know how. It doesn't
know how because it never learned
how, and it -never learned because it
hasn't had to learn. The public was for
years apparently indifferent to the ag
gressions and exactions of the gas com
pany. But it was aroused, about
eighteen months since, to an active
purpose to "do something" by a series
of particularly grievous offenses on the
part of this public-service corporation.
The light was turned on and its secret
operations exposed, including Ihe in
teresting details of the scheme of fren
zied finance that led to the organiza
tion of the present corporation. The
Legislature was appealed to for relief,
but the public got no relief. The gas
monopoly was well protected by the
legislators at Salem, whose chief busi
ness It was to look after the "inter
ests. Now the public may Hvant something
done again. There is a cits' charter
provision which requires that holders
of franchises in Portland shall "make
stated quarterly reports in writing to
the Auditor, which shall contain an ac
curate, statement in summarized form.
as well as in detail, of all receipts from
all sources and all expenditures for all
purposes, together with a full state
ment of all assets and debts, as well as
such other Information as to the costs
and profits of said service as the Audi
tor may require."
The false and ridiculous report of- the
gas company would seem to be in ac
cord with the charter provision, unless
the City Auditor should see fit to re
quire something else. If it should oc
cur to him, as it has to everybody else
who is not tied up to the gas company,
that the public is entitled to know the
facts, he would seem to have sufficient
powers under the charter to require the
company to render a truthful and accu
rate report. It is the City Auditor's
move.
THE OLD GOD.
"Why is it that we are hearing so
much of graft, of political and business
trickery and dishonesty, and general
social corruption?" This quesHon Dr.
J. R. Straton asked and answered in
the course of his recent sermon at the
White Temple. Here is his answer:
"It is because so many men have lost
their faith in the true God and the re
alities of the Christian religion."
By "true God" Dr. Straton means the
God of the ancient Jews, who, through
Elisha, cured Naaman the Syrian of his
leprosy and wrought other miracles of
the same sort. We learn this from
other parts of his sermon. The preacher
argued that a return to the "simple
faith of our fathers" In this deity would
remedy all our social and political ills.
The only way to ascertain the value
of an alleged panacea is to try it and
see how it works In particular cases.
Give the cat a dose first, then the pig.
If rnese patients survive, test it on the
family cow, and finally on the hired
man. Only when its virtues have been
proved by some such process as this
can we safely admit the panacea' to a
place among household remedies. This
rule holds good for spiritual medicines
as well as a material one. Their value
depends altogether upon their practical
results. No matter what anybody says
they will do; the important question is
"What is their actual effect upon a
person who tries them?"
Happily, Dr. Straton's remedy for
graft, corruption and business dishon
esty has already been abundantly test
ed. Nothing is left to guesswork. We
know exactly what it will accomplish.
He says that faith in the God of the an
cient Jews will cure all these evils.
Very well. Mr. John D. Rockefeller
possesses that faith. He is full of it.
full to overflowing. It bubbles out of
him upon his pastor, his neighbors and
his Sunday school. He spills it by the
barrel as he runs away from the United
States subpenas. It slops out by the
tubfull every time he makes a speech.
Certainly the full power of faith in the
ancient Jewish duty to cleanse from
graft and corruption ought to be
shown In Mr. Rockefeller, if any such
power' exists. Has it cleansed him?
All our prominent grafters are con
spicuous for their "simple faith in and
loyalty to the God of our fathers." Nut
a man of them is tainted with heresy,
not one of them cherishes a single
doubt of a single dogma. Still they are
grafters all the same. Why has not
their faith cured them if it is the pana
cea Dr. Straton says it is?
The simple fact is that the formulas
of religion which Dr. Straton and many
others preach are worn out. For our
time they have neither power nor
meaning. The new life of the modern
world demands a new and broader
faith.. "The God of our fathers" was J
the highest concept their minds could
frame; but with our enlarged knowl-
edge and deeper experience we can
frame a higher one and it is our duty
to do so. , Too much dwelling among
the icVeals of the past is no cure fof
graft and corruption. We must fight
our modern evils with modern weapons
if we hope to slay them.
"AT SHERAR'S BRIIMfK."
The recent passing of Mrs. Sherar, of
Sherar's Bridge, on the Deschutes, in
Wasco County, will recall to hundreds
who have passed that way during the
past thirty-five years many acts of
kindness that marked a "stopping
place" on a weary journey. The hospi
tality that is typical of the frontier
was a feature of the life of this
woman, all of the, active, helpful years
of which were spent on the border. A
diligent assistant to her husband In a
business in which they embarked to
gether inor.' than a third of a century
ago, Mrs. Sherar was also a friend
when a friend was needed to many a
traveler' who sought rest and refresh
ment under her roof, and went his way.
Tears ago a young girl very young
and w'lthout experience in the world
halted at Sherar's Bridge a'fter a night
ride, a solitary passenger on the mail
coach, on her way to the farther in
terior to teach a little country school.
She was to watt there until "some one
from the settlement" came for her.
This escort she expected to find at the
crossing of the Deschutes, but he had
not reached that point when she ar
rived, and. alone and with but a small
sum of money, the youthful traveler
confronted w hat to her was indeed a for
lorn situation. But the good landlady.
then a young woman, took her in, re
assured her with kindness, made up her
own bed which In the gray dawn of the
early morning she had left to get
breakfast for some herders who wanted
to get an early start to a distant range,
tucked the tired, shivering girl into it
and bade her go to sleep and not worry.
The advice was heeded, and toward
evening a neighbor from the settle
ment, nearly fifty miles away, came
by, and the girl, rested, refreshed and
comforted, was sent on her way.
This was but a simple act In- the
helpful life of a good woman that cov
ered a period of many years. But its
memory has distilled through the years
a gratitude and an appreciation that
have in turn prompted many a deed of
kindness to perplexed travelers strand
ed on life's highway. That it will bring
tribute from a distant home to the
worth of a good woman when the event
of her death becomes known there can
not be doubted. And it will be but one
of many offerings that gratitude will
lay upon this bier, since to the simple
record of her passing it is added that
no pioneer of Eastern Oregon was more
widely known or more highly respected
than was Mrs. Sherar, who for thirty
five years was mistress of this famous
stopping-place, adding kindness, good
cheer and charitable deeds to the never-
failing hospitality extended to the trav
eling public at Sherar's Bridge.
THK OA Y OFF AT KELLY'S Bl'TTE.
There may be Joy unconflned to
day In that delightful suburban
retreat conducted by the county
and known as Kelly's Butte, where
the guests ask for pie and are
given rocks, where the weary keep on
troubling and the wicked get no rest.
This is the one eleemosynary institu
tion that shows a balance in the profit
column. Heretofore it has had all the
blessings of home that is. nearly all.
and of some homes, and if the sojourn
ers did not see anything they wanted
and asked for it, they got it perhaps.
Their material welfare has been looked
after by the man with the 32-32 and by
sordid industry they have thriven. But
as a spiritual vineyard the retreat has
been sadly neglected. No brands have
been plucked from the burning and no
one seems to have cared.
Now all that is to be changed. That
excellent humanitarian,. Dr. Clarence
True Wilson, who delights to go Into
the highways and byways and stir up
things, having eliminated slot ma
chines, put a stop to gambling and shut
off Sunday booze, and thereby re
formed this hitherto wicked city, will
today hie himself to the Butte and in
his kindly, pleasing way show the un
fortunate wielders of the hammer the
way to better things. If anybody can
do this. Dr. Wilson is the man, and the
plain truths and teachings of the bet
ter life will be shown in a manner that
will give no offense to those who can
not well resent.
Yet many who hear him will, while
respectfully listening, think of the
place and its surroundings, and wish
the zealous doctor had supplemented
his mental and spiritual feast with the
more carnal things of life and brought
along "somethin' flllln'." And therein
lies the essence of the whole job of re
form. A man with a well-fed stomach
can assimilate much better than he
whose mind is constantly making com
parisons that show him he has the
worst of it. He knows It is his own
fault, to be sure, that he Is there, but
that troubles him little. The hunger
gnawing is a few degrees west of the
heart, and no more need be said.
THE NEW STEEL CITY.
The United States Steel Corporation
has decided to make Gary, Ind., the
greatest steel capital in the world. Pur
suant to this object the corporation
some time ago appropriated $75,000,000
for the establishment of its great steel
plant at that place. It has now decided
to give $45,000,000 to meet the demands
of the construction of a model city.
The scheme, both of the manufacturing
plant and city-building. Is being car
ried forward on the most extensive and
elaborate scale. Broadway, the princi
pal thoroughfare of the city, has been
constructed for a distance of three
miles, lined its entire length with con
crete sidewalks, and for two miles on
each side with business blocks. A
sewer system has been constructed and
a water system established on the basis
of serving 300,000 inhabitants. Gas
mains have been laid all over the city,
and an electric lighting plant Is now
in commission. To crown all, more
than fifty superior homes are now near
lng completion, and houses will be in
readiness for 50.000 workingmen by the
time the" steel plant begins actual op
erations next Spring.
The transformation of a site of drift
ing sand into a great industrial city,
modern In every detail, in the short
space of a few months, is one of the
marvels of corporate enterprise. Backed
by millions and with other millions
certain to accrue as profits, this city
was launched with a confidence and
pushed with an energy that secured
immediate results. And If, with all of
Its getting, this great corporation has
got understanding of the just needs of
the grand army of workingmen who
will be employed to carry on Its manu
facturing business; who will be housed
in its homes, populate Its schools and
be known at the hustings, the great
steel city will be more than a marvel
of growth it will represent a miracle
of industrial acumen.
LET THE FACTS BE GIVEN.
The brutal whipping alleged to have
been inflicted in the penitentiary on a
convict who had escaped, been retaken
and returned to that Institution, harks
back to the dark days of human slav
ery. The subject of this discipline,
which, according to the story that
"leaked out" and was repeated by our
correspondent, consisted of forty-eight
lashes, heavily laid upon his bare back
was a half-witted, hunchback youth
who had been sent up for robbery. The
story as detailed is scarcely believable.
It is necessary, of course, for penalty
to be inflicted upon a convict in such
circumstances. But the lack of dis
crimination shown in this case, and the
shocking brutality of the punishment
administered, discredits the manage
ment of the Oregon State Prison and
the administration under which this
management Is held in 'power.
The Oregonlan does not think that
life in the penitentiary should be made
attractive to wrongdoers. It Is possi
ble, indeed though enlightened public
sentiment is loath to concede this point,
that there are desperate criminals, big,
burly, robust and vicious, who, having
been retaken after escape, might with
salutary effect be punished at the
whipping-post. Such castigatlon, how
ever, while it might act as a deterrent
and this is all that it is expected to do
would certainly have a further demor
alizing effect upon even the most hard
ened criminal. This being true, a wise
and prudent superintendent would re
sort to the whipping-post only In the
most extreme cases, if at all.
There are men whose sensibilities be
come blunted and whose natures be
come hardened to the simple appeals of
humanity through associating In the
role of master with criminals. There
are other men whose judgment la tem
pered and whose sense of justice is
stimulated by responsibility and power
in a realm the government of which Is,
to all intents and purposes, that of an
absolute monarchy. A man of the latr
ter type would have small use for the
whipping-post as a part of the equip
ment of a penal Institution' of which
he was the ruler.
The story to which reference is above
made is probably exaggerated, though
under the secret system of manage
ment of this institution that seems to
prevail and in the hands of men whose
sensibilities have become blunted
through long contact with the criminal
class it might easily be true. Our hu
mane Governor will doubtless look Into
the matter. Dignified silence will not
avail to purge his prison administra
tion of the odium that attaches to bru
tality. An interested public would fain
know . the facts. Stories that, "leak
out" may or may not toe true. . Let us
have an official statement of the case,
together with an outline of the policy.
punitive and corrective, that governs
the penitentiary.
A VANISHING INDUSTRY.
The New Bedford (Mass.) Mercury
has just celebrated its 100th anniver
sary by issuing a handsomely illus
trated edition giving a complete history
of. the whaling industry, a business
which has made the little New England
port famous the world over. The story
of the whaling industry, as told by the
Mercury, is not embellished with those
touches of sentiment which made
Frank T. Bullen's "Cruise of the Cache
lot" so entrancingly interesting for
those to whom the breath of old ocean
always appeals, but, in plain, ordinary
language and figures, it records the rise
and fall of a business which half a cen
tury ago carried the American flag on
every sea. In the year in which the
Mercury first appeared but a single
whaler entered New Bedford, but in the
years following the business swelled
Into such magnificent proportions that
in 1857, when it reached high-water
mark, there ' were sailing out of New
Bedford alone 329 whaling vessels, car
rying 10.000 men and representing a
capital of $12,000,000.
In 1845 the seagoing tonnage of New
Bedford was double that of Philadel
phia and the port was fourth In the list
of great American seaports, being ex
celled only by New York; Boston and
New Orleans. That fleet of more than
300 ships has shrunk to but little more
than a score, and of these some have
not appeared In New Bedford in twenty
years, their outfitting all being done at
new ports many thousand miles nearer
the whaling grounds than New Bed
ford. The great fleet which for more than
half a century made the name of New
Bedford famous wherever men dwell or
ships sail has gone forever, and the
forest of masts has been replaced by a
forest of smokestacks. The sturdy New
Englanders who pioneered the whaling
Industry were driven to the sea because
hostile redskins made development in
the interior a precarious calling. Their
pursuit of the leviathan was so relent
less that It is estimated that in a period
of fifty years the fleet captured a total
of more than 290,000 whales. This war
of extermination had the effect of less
ening the profits of the dangerous call
ing to such an extent that development
of land industries followed, and New
Bedford, the manufacturing city of to
day. Is a vastly more important and
wealthier city than it was In the palmi
est days of the whaling industry.
But with the passing of the whalers
there disappeared from earth a race of
American seamen such as the world
may never again behold. The fascina
tion of the pursuit of the sea's largest
monsters drew into the service of. the
New Bedford whalers a "breed of the
oaken heart" in. whom fear was un
known, and skill and daring were de
veloped to the highest degree. The
very nature of the calling which took
them beyond the pale of civilization
and in constant peril of death for years
at a time banished from their natures
all Imagination and sentiment and sup
planted these traits with a phlegmatic
calmness which not even tragedy could
ruffle. .
It was from the ranks of these whal
ers, "to whom no land was distaret. to
whom no sea was barred," ithat were
recruited those matchless navigators
aud seamen who made world's records
with the wonderful clipper ships which
were built for the California gold rush.
There was not much in common be
tween the "tubby," stocklly-built whal
ing craft and the clean-limbed, sym
metrical racers whose clouds of canvas
carried them along at steamer speed,
but the guiding hand of both had been
taught its cunning in the same school.
It was a school of hardship and priva
tion, but it sent forth a race of seamen
of which any nation might be proud;
and as long as time shall last, the fame
of New Bedford will rest most secure
ly on the industry which sent her men
to the uttermost ends of the earth in
the pursuit of the most fascinating and
dangerous branch of our maritime industry.
The uncontrollable fury of a dry
grass fire must be witnessed to be un
derstood. The settler's menace and
dread, the horror of the wild creatures
of the plains, from the lordly buffalo of
a past era to the timid deer and rab
bit, the prairie fire has passed into song
and story as the most thrilling, terrify
ing experience of the great plains. The
dry grass on a single neglected city
lot, when ignited, gives evidence of this
In the fierce heat engendered, carrying
with it apprehension and dismay to
residents in the vicinity. Commendable
effort has been made by the authori
ties to have the owners clean up these
lots in different parts of the city, but
the fire which menaced property on the.
waterfront from Montgomery 'Gulch to
Weidler street Friday afternoon showed
that the order to clean up vacant lots
on the East Side had not been fully
obeyed. There are still places that are
under the menace of a grass fire, and
as these localities are somewhat dis
tant from fire protection, It would be
well for the order to be enforced at
once.
Old Yamhill Is going to give a good
account of herself when apple-picking
time comes. Aside from the fact that
Millard Lownsdale lives there and pro
claims that he has Hood River growers
beaten out of sight when it comes to
the color and flavor of the reliable old
Spitzenbergs,' there is a multitude of
horticulturists about McMlnnvllle, Am
ity, Sheridan and Newberg who are in
the race to prove that Willamette Val
ley apples are the finest on earth. Good.
The state cannot have too much energy
and effort expended in friendly rivalry
between fruitgrowers. The best is
hone too good either for home con
sumption or for export, and "the best"
is what Oregon produces . in apples
when properly cultivated by intelligent,
enterprising growers. This Is said
without distinction In the apples of
Southern Oregon, the Willamette Val
ley, Hood River or the irrigated or
chards of Eastern Oregon. All are fine
none finer.
In the announcement of the death at
his home in California of Lieutenant
Colonel Robinson, U. S. A., retired, a
sad leaf from a tragic chapter In the
past Is turned. Colonel Robinson saved
the life of William H. Seward, Secre
tary of State, on the night that Presi
dent Lincoln was assassinated. The
circumstances of this event are. even
after more than forty-two Intervening
years, recalled with a shudder. The
passing of Colonel Rabiflson removes
one of the few remaining actors in a
bloody drama, the staging of which
shocked the civilized world. For his
services on that fatal night he received
the special thanks of a grateful people
through their representatives in Con
gress, and was awarded a gold medal.
We are conscious of a feeling of sur
prise that Colonel Robinson was but 75
years old when he died so long ago, as
It seems, the tragedy with which his
name was connected was enacted.
On April L'ft last. The Oregonlan published
a special industrial edition . devoted ex
clusively to the exploitation of Oregon. It
probably contained more special and mis
cellaneous information, about Oregon than
any one publication that has ever been is
sued. It ! peculiarly useful and valuable
to the homeseeker, because it gives the
latent and most reliable information about
so many different subjects that the home
seeker is naturally Interested in. Almost
every department of industry is specialized,
and both statistical and descriptive infor
mation of a highly valuable character is
given extensively and in entertaining form.
Baker City Democrat.
A 'belated but nevertheless a complete
and handsome tribute to the merit of
The Oregonian's special Homeseekers'
Edition. It was the Baker City Dem
ocrat that complained that the edition
was not sufficiently representative of
all Oregon, and especially of Eastern
Oregon. It was, and It Is pleasing now
to have the Democrat say so.
William T. Stead is not less out
spoken or more conservative in his es
timate of public men than he has been
in former years. In evidence of this he
says of the British representatives at
The Hague: 'As members of a con
ference striving for peace ideals, they
are about the most incompetent set of
beings that ever achieved an unmiti
gated failure."
They are now complaining in Seattle
that the postmaster is inefficient
What's the matter? Couldn't he carry
out his beautiful scheme of swelling re
ceipts oy selling stamps to all the
neighboring towns?
After consideration of the matter
calmly and judicially for four straight
months, the conclusion is overwhelm
ing that the Beavers are not as good a
team as the 1906 chanxpions.
Seattle boomers are probably lying
awake nights concocting a scheme to
"stand off" Tacoma's $6,000,000 sky
scraper, which has been started in the
newspapers.
Another Pittsburg millionaire defend
ant in a French divorce court, usual
cause, of course, helps to keep the steel
trust town well advertised abroad.
The strike appears somehow to have
aided Mr. Heney to get on the first
page again with the old-time regular
ity and frequency.
Now it Is Pennsylvania's turn to go
after the big grafters. And yet Mon
tana, the worst of1 the whole lot, has
done nothing.
No wonder the lumber manufacturers
are deluging J. J. Hill 'with letters.
They want him to get their protests
promptly.
By way of reminder of blessings, be It
said that Portland had only two days'
uncomfortable heat this Summer.
The strike is also beginning to worry
those people who never send or get a
telegram.
Harriman Is to have a diplomat for
son-in-law. He needs one for a mentor
also.
COMMENT ON SUNDRY OREGON TOPICS
In Defense of Powell Valley Olrls Wonders of Travel Aunt Polly's
Philosophy Lie and Fishes Fame on Two Benches Rnee Sulfide Ques
tion Several Views of Rockefeller Buttermilk and Idiot Poem From
Ihe Santiam "Mister" In Disrepute.
SOME persons jump at conclusions
wholly unwarranted by facts or ap
pearances. For example, somebody
In the Gresham Herald writes:
The actions of the occusants of at least
two buggies on the Powell Valley road last
Sundav afternoon nroveH hcvond the shadow
of a doubt that they were not married.
She was howling his head on her shoumcr
In one bupRj- and In the other the young
ladv was slttlna on her beloved's laD ami
he was giving both hands to the occasion.
How does the writer know but that the
pair were just coming from the preacher's
or wiere on their honeymoon? Besides.
we don't think It gallant to "bowl out"
the girls of Powell s Valley region in such
fashion. We always defend the girls up
Johnson Creek. One of them cooks our
mush every morning, and acts like the
girls mentioned by the editor, although we
came from the parson several years ago.
' Oregon's Retort Courteous.
A CITIZEN of The Dalles, attending a
dinner In New York recently found
himself called upon to answer many
questions about the West. One New
Yorker, who had never traveled beyond
the AUeghenies and had evidently im
bibed his knowledge of the Far West from
boyhood reading of Nick Carter literature,
asked :
"Don't you fear the Indians out there?"
This amused the sharp-witted Oregonlan
and he replied:
"My dear sir, if Columbus had discov
ered America on our side, you fellows
would be wearing blankets yet."
AVonders of Travel.
A Portland youth, having heard of the
many strange sights to be seen in travel,
recently took a trip to neighboring cities.
When he returned he described the wonders
he had viewed as follows:
I'VE come back from my vacation,
Trnveled over many places,
And I find in every station
Wonders In astounding cases.
Buildings are erected upwards.
Pierced -with windows facing streets.
And the lifts shoot up and downwards,
And one's friends one never meets.
Streets are long and hot and asphalt,
Autos snort and on you glide;
If they strike you It's not their fault;
Coppers never can be spied.
Trolley cars go whizzing by you.
Hacks and wagons make you dodge.
Everybody tries to bleed you;
Poor relations seek your lodge.
All these wonders T have witnessed,
Since I took my trip away.
Don't you think that I have progressed
And should go another day?
Aunt Polly's Philosophy.
A HARD customer is one you can't
cheat, while an easy customer is
one who has cheated you after the
bargain. s
Selected from the Rockefeller axi
oms: Whether a bird in the hand Is
worth two In the bush depends on
whether you have plucked it or not.
It's pretty hard for a wife to convince
her husband that half the weight of the
suitcase is' the suitcase Itself.
Honesty might have been the best
policy when the scramble used to be
for morals instead of dollars.
To be sure, the law of compensation
rules. There's love and hate, joy and
grief, always together. After the bon
net always comes the bill.
If a man didn't have to put up the
stovepipe in the new house, perhaps the
old spirit might not move with It into
the new house.
After wearing long gloves, we find
out how much our arms need washing.
Not the bird that roosts and rises
early catches the worm, but the one
that stays up all night and waits for it.
No Grandstand Plays Then.
Hf IVE me !ibrrty or gie me death-"
Vl cried Patrick Henry.
But' that was before the days of gal
leries and grandstands.
Consequently, Mr. Henry was acclaimed
a patriot and was glad he didn't live in
the 20th century.
Lei the Ants Work.
(if O to the ant. thou sluggard."
VI shrieked a poor, but wllllng-to-work
victim of capitalistic slavery, at the
idling son of a rich trust magnate.
"That's what father says he's been do
ing all his life," answered the youth,
"and he's teaching me how to do it."
Whereupon everybody within earshot
knew how the magnate had become so
rich and so great a man, and was able tj
endow colleges and foundling asylums.
Fame on Two Beaches.
Down at I'latsop Beach Is a tyro poet,
somewhat ot a cvnlc. who. after seeing the
tide wash out the names of Sallie and
Harry on the sand, wrote the following:
0
X sands of Father Neptune
Are many marked.
Who on the Summer beaches
May have larked.
On sands of Father Time
" Are others writ.
Who In this life toiled long
Or mayhap flit.
To you I leave the question
To be guessed:
Of these two, which the longer
Fame possessed?
Lies and Fishes.
ArWCKAMAS editor laments that
though It may be easy to catch fish
In Clackamas River. Rogue. Nehalem or
Grand Ronde. it is easier to tell lies about
them. We don't believe It.
It is not so easy to tell lies as one might
think, nor so easy as It used to be. as In
Clackamas, for example, before the. talcs
of politician's came into discredit. Be
sides, it is absurd to say that lies are
more abundant than fish In Oregon. We
believe far more fish bite the hooks of
truthful men than of false-tongued ones.
Otherwise, why should salmon be pet
ting scarce, in Columbia River? So many
salmon are taken from that stream that
few are left to spawn. Now. we cannot
believe the lies equal the number of fish
caught (though some Eastern folk de
clare the tales of 40 and fiO-pound chl
nooks falsehoods; not while veracious
men like Ed Rosenberg. Henry McGowan.
Frank Warren. Sam Klmore. Tallant &
Grant. Frank Seufert and I. H. Taffe en
gage In the fishery business. Then there
is R. D. Hume, king of the Rogue. To be
sure, these gentlemen - are said to tell
fibs about each other and each accuses
his fellows of destroying the fish indus-
try, but the fibs are wholly innocent and
do not concern the fish, at any rate. It is
beyond our credulity that fishery men are
liars. And to keep our good opinion
about, them, we shall reject their testi
mony about one another.
"You Can't Always Tell."
iil WORK for the people." exclaimed
1 Billionaire Rockefeller, between,
two meetings ef his Sunday school,
class. "Thp people can't get along
without me."
These words borne to the ears of.
others brought forth varying comment.
The doctors pointed to tlielr fore
heads dubiously, feared Mr. Rockefeller
might live the last of his 9.". years In
an institute for the feeble-minded.
However, the presidents of the steel
trust, the beef trust and the sugar
trust smiled approvingly. saying:
That's what we're doing, too.
.Mark Twain thought Rockefellers
words a huge joke.
But the people couldn't see the joke.
To quote a modern proverb:
"You can't always tell from whera
you sit."
Buttermilk and Idiots.
BUTTERMILK craze has no charms
for a certain editor In the wheat belt,
who rather thinks the high merits of that
beverage disgraced by "all the idiots in
the country gulping it down like cham
pagne." Nor does he think those merits
appreciated by the "idiots." for. in his
opinion, they gulp it down not because
they like buttermilk, but because they
must imitate a craze. They would take
down corn husks or swill quite as readily,
If the fad commended it. says the grouchy
editor. Listen to this indictment of tho
"Idiots:"
Thank Ood. the editor enjoyed butter
milk and preferred it to beer and wine long
before the modest, unassuming, countrified
beverage was made famous & set alt the '
Idiots of the country gulping it down like
champagne. Clabber next, now. then
lutch cheese: and llnally. we presume th
fad will develope into a long handled gourd
and a swill barrel, so rampant Is our 4of
society to carry to extreme all sorts of
brainless fads and notions. Now If Roose
velt or some other great man should, by
chance, h. compelled to eat husk with the
swine, everv eociety fool in the T'nited
States would be down on all fours guzzling
corn from a hog trough in less than ;;t
hours.
Isn't it enough to make us jealous of the
idiots, too those of us whose mothers
on "churn day" used to turn out butter
milk for us and the hogs to drink? That
fluid Is too good for idiots, especially
when they make a fad of It. But fads
seem to use good objects and otherwise,
without discrimination. The Indians had
a habit of picking minute tormentors out
of one another's hair and cracking them
between their teeth like nuts. White
women used to wear hoopsklrts, and Rt
the beach they still dress in bathing cos
tumes that would be considered "per
fectly awful" anywhere else. The Indian
bride of a certain white man at Astoria
in 112, w'as so smeared with noisome fish
grease, according to the custom of her
people, that the groom had to scrub her
before receiving her. Right now tho
whites are chasing each other in auto?,
and but yesterday the women were strad
dling bicycles in bloomers.
We sympathise with the Starburk editor,
but would like to ask him what he is go
ing to do about it. Still he might refuse
to vote for the buttermilk candidate for
President. And what do the dairy people
of Tillamook think about it? And Dairy
Commissioner Bailey?
Not Sleep Eternal.
From the forks of the Santiam. nnmrroiw
lines of verse have sprung, but hardly ever
of serious sort. It will be remembered that
Tlllle John.s--n. some time aRo, came forth
In rhtnyes nf humor. This time, however,
we have a strain from another lyre, thrum
med by a person who confesses himself ad
vam rd in yearn, and somewhat near life's
twilight. He explains that after the oncom
ing night he expects dawn again. Hereto
fore the virwf'3 have inmc from Kantlam's
cataracts. This one eeems to have originated
where the currents flow slow and dep:
,"T- N old man looked upon the yellow
grain and sighed.
" 'Tis thus." said he, "all things upon
the earth tiro vied;
j To grow, to flower, to ripen, to fall and
then to puss.
How soon eternal night conies after
morn, alas!
Four thousand years went by; then up a
shoot of green.
That long with I'haroah's clav the grain
hail lain unseen.
Ami now again :he morn. And how with.
I'haroah's nitrht?
It still may en. I; what mortal knows an
end of light?
"M i.-U'r" ill lif repute.
AN Oregon editor rejoices that "Mis
ter" is the only title not fallen into
disrepute. We cannot agree with him. al
though we do not see much weighty con
cern in tho question.
In our ealilest recollection, "professor"
was the most dignified prefix Professor
Smith was principal nf our school. In
his office upstairs in the shadow, he had
a mystic machine for dusting the jackets
of bad little boys. A lion-tamer came to
town, then a dog trainer, both entitled
Professor. We marveled at the title but
said nothing. We had too much respect
for Professor Smith.
There was a Doctor Jones, also regard
ed with respect, since he brought brothers
and sisters to our house. But there came
to town another doctor.' who paraded the
streets with a brass hand and gave a
minstrel show to convince sick person
that he could ci:re them. We could hardly
reconcile those two doctor titles, either.
Then there was the. "Hon.'.' John Brown,
who was treated with great deference,
since he gave money to-an orphans home.
The Hon. John Brown dealt in mortgages
and foreclosed when he -could. Another
"Hon." turned out less respectable. Ills
name wa James White, lie looted a
bank and ran away from hifamlly with
an actress. The title "Senator" was
adorned and unadorned In turn: likewise
"count" anrl "duke"; nlso "mister." An
editor is always Mister. We have seen
some of them good and others bad. One
could not nbstahi from forging checks
though imprisoned frequently. Other edi
tors have been guilty of sundry misde
meanors and ccen crimes. Other trades
have had many bad Misters too.
Therefore, we cannot agree that mister
is the only title not fallen into disrepute.
In fact, if final proof is wanted, we need
only cite that when boys, we called every
man. to whom we wished to ho respectful,
Mister, hut when he passed out of sight,
called him any old name. The fact Is, If
names or titles were the test of charac
ter, we should all be tainted.