THE SUNDAY OREGONIAX. PORTLAND. JULY 14, 1907.
11-
World is
A' (Dom'edy
TTp.'irHCXSB
TtfUflr Thinks11
HORACE
John Bull' Other Island, and two other
plars. by Bernard Shaw. 1.50. Brea
teno's. New Tork City.
Possibly no other living writer of plays
erotic and otherwise Is so alternately
praised and blamed as Bernard Shaw,
Irishman. So many people persist in
associating Mr. Shaw as the apostle of
passion in "Sirs. Warren's Profession."
and forget his keen wit and ready com
mand of delicious hut pure satire so no
ticeable in other plays with which his
name is associated.
There is nothing exotic, however, in the
three plays contained in this volume.
"John Bull's Other Island" is a most
amusing review of the relations between
England and Ireland on the question of
Home Rule, and especially interesting is
the careful study of the temperaments of
the two peoples. Mr. Shaw is well quali
fied to write such a play In the light of
the explanation he furnishes in his "pref
ace for politicians:"
When I say that I am an Irishman I
mean that I was born in Ireland, and that
my native language is the English of Swif-.,
and not the unspeakable Jargon of the mid
dle of the 19th-century London newspapers.
My extraction 1a the extraction of moat
Kngllnhmen. That Is, I have -no trace in
me of the commercially Imported North
Fpaniih strain which passes for aboriginal
Irish. I am a geunine typical Irishman of
the Danish, Norman, Cromwelllan and of
course Scotch invasions. I am violently
and ardently Protestant by family tradition.
But let no English' government, therefore,
count on my allegiance. I am English
enough to be, an Inveterate Republican and
Home Ruler. It is true that one of my
grandfathers . was an Orangeman. But
then, his sister was an abbess, and his
uncle, I am proud 'to say, was hanged as
a rebel.
"John Bull's Other Island" chiefly con
cerns the doings of Lawrence Doyle and
Thomas Broadbent, members of a Lon
don firm of civil engineers interested in
tn development of an estate at Rosscul
len, Ireland. They visit that charmed
isle, and the action promptly starts with
Broadbent falling in love with Nora Reil- I
ly. And such, delightful love making
'half way between a smile and a tear told
in inimitable Shaw manner. In de
scribing the contents of a room, one
quaintly considers the prospect "from the
point of view of a sparrow on the -window
sill." Tim Hafflgan says: "Begor
ia. what I call the morntn" is all the time
a man fasts afther breakfast. Lunch?
Devil a lunch. Besides, I'm Irish, sir. A
poor Rther, but a powerful dhrlnker.
Tay?-It's a good dhrink if your nerves
ran stand it. Mine can't. Dhrink is
the curse o' me unhappy counthry.
take it mcsclf because I've a wake heart
and a poor digestion. But in principle.
I m a teetootler."
Listen to this choice bit of dialogue be
tween Broadbent and Nora:
Nora: "la it making love to me you are?"
Broadbent: "On my word I believe 1
am, Mlsa Reilly. If you say that to me
again I shan't answer for myself: all the
harps of Ireland are In your voice."
A page or two further on N6ra sobs
after a scene with Doyle, -who had been
one of her early admirers, and suddenly
Broadbent seizes Nora in his arms, say
ing: -tiave your cry out Cry on my
chest. The only really comfortable place
for a woman to cry is a man's chest a
real man. a 'real friend. "A good, broad
chest, eh? Not less .than 43 inches.
where two friends aren't one?"
It would make a widower and even an
undertaker laugh to read on page 52 that
when Broadbent first makes love to
Nora he is so impetuous, she thinks him
drunk. Priests and amusing natives help
the action, and the general picture is so
out of the ordinary that one wishes one
saw the characters on a real stage. , The
reading of the play is a delicious expe
rience. ,
Uf course there's a woman in it in
"How He Lied to Her Husband." At the
tart one instinctively fears asbetos love
from such a couple as Mrs. Aurora
Bompers, married woman, with a hus
band living, and Henry Apjohn. poet.
But nothing dreadful happens rather the
unexpected. A stupid husband helps to
tiansiorm an impending paper tragedy
Into & laughable farce concerning the
ways of a fat woman in love.
"Major Barbara" is that odd combina
tion a Salvation Army play. Isn't It
strange that so few playwrights prefer
a Salvation Army heroine? Barbara, the
daughter of Lady Britomart, Joins the
Salvation Army and walks one evening
into her mother's house with Adolphus
Cuslns, a professor of Greek whom she
has picked up In the street. He pre
tinds to be a Salvationist and iff publla
Tlays the big drum for her. as he has
fallen head over ears In love with her
sweet self. Comedy is supplied byBron
tcrre O'Brien Price, otherwise known as
"Snobby" Price. Socialist, loafer, house
painter, and orator. Price says: "I stand
by my class and do as little as I can so's
to leave arf the Job for me fellow-workers."
Generous soul. Bill Walker, brute
snd woman-beater. Js of the Bill Sykes
type and is a revelation. "Major Bar
bara" is remarkable for its shrewd
knowledge of human nature, and for' its
appealing note coupled with grim humor.
Each play is introduced by a preface in
which Shaw gives his views often
asainst dramatic critics In characteristic-fashion.
As we are talking Shaw, this story con
cerning the playwright, and from the col
umns of the New Tork Sun. Is apropos:
Bernard Shaw was questioned ahout the
aitacka of certain critics against his new
play.
'The play at the Court Theater!" be
exclaimed. "It's a splendid play, a beau
tiful play. The dresses are a perfect pic
ture." "The critics, in dealing wii the play,
describe you as a bore." '
"Tes, yes." said, Air. Shaw, regretfully;
"I 'bore them. Tes. I know I bore them.
Pen: a better class of critics."
"One goea so far as to remark that you
are not a man of humor."
Mr.. Shaw- flung out hla hands with a
notion of laughable detpalr. "What will
- f ti
i -IP I
'.-
.V.
AUTHOR. of "
they have? Tears ago, when I wrote se
riously, they told me I was humorous.
Now they say I have no humor."
"What have you to say about the at
tack on you In Blackwood's Magazine?"
Mr. Shaw assumed the manner of a
genial schoolmaster.
"It is a very interesting article," he
said, "because it is the outcome of gen
uine passion. The writer has absolutely
no Intellectual competence nor critical
power: but, having a simple, genuine dis
like of me having an honest, sincere feel
ing of detestation, and speaking It out like
a man he has produced an article which
has made Loudon talk about him and made
me read him."
Mr. Shaw paused for a moment as he
smilingly reflected on the article.
"Also, how delightful It is," he said,
whimsically, to "see a respectable old mag
azine like Blackwood's suddenly breaking
out with all the sklttishncss of youth and
calling me a parti-colored ape"
The Industrial Republic, by Upton Sinclair.
Illustrated. SI. 29. Doubleday, rage &
Co., New Tork City.
Irresponsible and visionary, this poetic
picture of America about the year 1913,
seen through socialistic eyes, is the cre
ation of Upton Sinclair, better known as
the author of "The Jungle."
In order that the reader may- not make
any mistake about it, Mr. Sinclair, in
an introduction of eight pages, lirst gives
a resume of his book, saying that he
writes in all seriousness, asserting his
claim to speak not as a dreamer, nor as
a child, but as a scientist and as a
prophet. It is well to know this in ad
vance, because there are some people
who are unkind enough to look upon Mr.
Sinclair as one huge Joke. His predic
tion is that Just prior to the election of
1D12, as America will" then suffer from
social, Industrial and political unrest,
consequent on the fact that we cannot
find markets for bur surplus manufac
ures, the only way out of the difficulty
will be provided by socialism and the
election as President . of William Ran
dolph Hearst. Mr. Sinclair is cruel
enough to suggest that in this election
Mr. Hearst's defeated opponent will be
Theodore Roosevelt.
Black days are shown on the canvas,
a la Sinclair. Giant trusts have almost
crushed life out of the groaning ppaS
tariat. The credit of the country will
be attacked, business -will be holding its
breath and several millions of working
men will be without employment. Starv
lng people will swarm -on the streets, and
when they form processions and begin
agitating, the plutocrat says:
- "But, my good man, there is no more
work to be done!"
"But I am starving," Insists the worklns
man, "we are all starving. Why la there
no work?"
"The reason there is no work is 'over
production.' The market is clogged with
products, you must understand, and we
can't aell them. What is your trade?"
, "I work in a shoe factory."
"But the ahoe market Is already glutted
there are twice as many shoes as there la
any use lor."
"Twice as many shoes! But my feet are
on the ground!"
"Well, we can't help that, m-r good man
that's because you have no money to buy
tnem witn."
"And my friend here,", goes on the work
ingman "he Is a tailor, and be Is naked
because there are too many coate on the
market?" ,
"Exactly."
"And the baker here ia starving because
we are both too poor to buy his bread ?"
"Exactly."
"And then- thie druggist is sick because
we have no money to buy medicine?"
"Exactly."
After which the workingman stands and
scratches his head for a moment.. "There is
too much of everything," he reflects.
"There is no more work to be done." And
suddenly the light breaks. "Oh, I see!" he
cries, "we have finished our work for the
capitalists!" And you answer, "Exactly!
everything is complete, and of course there
is no more room for you. Therefore you
naa best be off to another planet!"
A -week or two before this momentous
election Mr. Sinclair predicts that. Mr.
Roosevelt will come out favoring radical
proposals, but declaring that they-ought
not to be carried into effect by a socialist
like Mr. Hearst. "Mr. Hearst will reply
that he Is not a socialist, has no sympa
thy with socialism, that he stands upon
the platform of Americanism, and that
he only seeks equal rights for all and
therefore Federal ownership of all
criminal monopolies. So, election day
will come, and Mr. Hearst will be elected
and within the next week the business
of the country will have fallen Into
heaps. Banks will have closed, mills
will be idle there will be no freight and
railroads will be failing."
The outcome? Mr. Sinclair then rubs
his Aladdin's lamp and presto! there
emerges an America governed by benefi
cent socialism, where everybody is em
ployed and where girls are easily able
to maintain themselves by two hours'
work a day. On page 245 the statement
is made that wages In this industrial
republic "could not be less than $10 for
a day of six hours' work."
Appropriately enough, Mr. Sinclair ded
icates his book to H. G. Wells, as being
"the nexj most hopeful." Mr. Sinclair's
constructive study of the industrial sit
uation in this country will undoubtedly
be widely read and provoke discussion.
He believes that the great change Is
coming. Just as surely as abolitionism
which was laughed at away back in the
early thirties ultimately became the
principal factor in the being of the Re
publican party, gaining its momentous
victory in the election pf Abraham Lin
coin. The parallel is obvious. ;
With Christ Among the Miners, by H.
Elvert Lewis. $1. Jennings & Graham,
Cincinnati, O.
Devotional In aim and compass, this
book provides a series of personal im
pressions and incidents relating to the
recent Welsh religious revival. The
printed matter la mostly drawn from
personal observation, Mr. Lewis says,
and -several of the incidents are from
sr.
lit
37
THE, QUEST " -
the direct narrative of friends. The
evangelistic work of Evan Roberts is
specially noted. A sympathetic insight
is given Into the everyday life of Welsh
people, the central note being --their
inborn ability to receive religious In
spiration, blessed as they are by
language specially adapted for sacred
song and prayer.
The Story of Bacon's Rebellion, by Mary
Newton Stanard. 51. The Neale Pub
hulling Co.. New Tork City.
It is interesting to recall that 100
years before the American Revolution,
the thrilling drama now known as
Bacon's Rebellion was enacted In Vir
ginia, the two leading characters being
Sir William Berkeley, the Cavalier
Governor of Virginia, and Nathaniel
Bacon, Jr., the people's champion. .
Mrs. Stanard has a pleasing, clear
style in telling a story so valuable to
all students of history, and her work
is careful and scholarly. The little
book possesses unusual interest just
now, when so- many tourists visiting
the Jamestown Exposition will have
opportunity to make 'themselves ac
quainted with neighboring scenes made
historic by this doughty patriot.
Capitaliat and Laborer, by John Spargo;
Jne Might to he Lazy, by Paul Lafargue:
and Socialism, Positive and Negative, by
Robert Rives La Monte, Charles H. Kerr
& Co., Chicago.
Three thoughtful studies on Socialism
which will repay time spent over their pe
rusal, however much the majority may dis
agree with the teaching. "The Right to
Be Lazy" Is a keen satire showing that
laborers should not demand more work
but more of the rewards which their
work produces. "Capitalist and Laborer"
is a reply to an utterance of Professor
Uoidwm smith. Mr. Lamont s book is a
series of views daringly expressed one
paper. "The Nihilism of Socialism, being
a philippio of Philistinism. -
J.M..Q.
IN LIBRARY AND WORKSHOP.
The Industrial Republic" by L'pton Sin
clair, was received through the courtesy of
the J. K. Gill Co., this city. .
. ....
The irresistible humor and Southern charm
of the storiea bearing the name of Sarah
Chichcffter Page have won her hosts of friends-.
Her home in Northern Virginia is in the heart
of the scenes depicted In her fiction.
Caroline Lockhart belongs to Buffalo Bill'
country, Cody, Wyoming. The originality of
her plots, and her easy, breezy style in writ
ing, must be the effect of Western atmos
phere: though the keen humor is all her owa
limited to no section or climate,
'
"Mosses and Lichens," to be published
in the early Fall, will contain nearly 1300
Illustrations, 48 of which are photographs
In colors and black and whit. Tna au
thor. Nina Marshall, is one of the best
known teachers of biology and botany in
the United States.
Ella Middleton Tybout excels in humor
ous easy-dleHect dnrky stories, such aa
"Isaiah's Daddy." and also has several pop
ular novels to her credit. "The Smuggler"
is one of her best: and there are many
inquiries as to when this la to be pub
lished In book form. It la promised for
Fall publication.
Adele Marie Shaw, who contributes "At the
Door of the Cage" to the current Llppln
cott's. Is a many-aided New Tork girl, with
a capacity for hard work, which has brought
her ahead with a hound. She has Just com
pleted a novel and named it "Eastward In
Eden." Her stories have the quality of sin
cerity to a high degree.
Among well-known artists who will Il
lustrate Doubleday, Page Co.'s 1908 pub
lication are Anna Whelen Betts, Walter
Tittle. Siguard Schou, Laurence Mai,
aanowlch, Arthur Rackham, Blanche Oster
tag, Thomas Fogarty, George L. Tohln, Al
bert Loverlng. C. T. and G. A. Williams,
Robert Goodwin and Harold Heartt.
George Bdwln Hunt, author of "Angel
Paradise"- and an Indianapolis phvslclan of
standing, acknowledges that he is "a Btory
wrlter by inclination." Having been a class
mate of Senator Beverldge and Representa-'
tlve Watson, he draws the moral that "a man
can lead an upright life if he is determined
to do so: Congress, like whiskers. Is a man's
own fault."
Two widely different author met and shook
.v....,., Dnll"n Amoassador.
chief, whose autobiography has Just been
puonpnwi oy jumeia c tjo. The British Am
bassador being In the neighborhood of Law ton
Oklahoma, took occasion to call on the old
Tnrilam itna 1 far. , n V , ,
- - ... - - - aa no aaiii, jn char
acteristic American Institutions.
m
iuuukm oir r.iyoi 01 me woods' is not
a problem novel, the unusual subject of
-... -.1, in 11. miss
Brooke s treatment of this curious theme
has attracted the attention ne t-
country, such as John Mulr and Glfford
Plnchot. who believe that the preservation
of woods and forests is as pressing in its
, i.iMvi c ii, AKinncan people as it
was to Sir Elyot in England.
At this season, when some of us are apt
to feel that the proper time to Quit work
is all the time. Dr. Luther H. Gullck's
article in the current number of World's
Work is timely. Dr. Gullck has some vr
commonsense Idea about when not to work
and he tells us In plain language what It
costs for a man to hold on too long. As
ine Humor oi ma n.incient Life Dr.
Gullck Is recognised among the foremost
preachera of the day on .sane living.
A new novel by Richard Prvce. to h
called "The Successor," Is announced for
approaching publication. The story, which
has already, gone through Ave editions in
England, treats of a somewhat risky but
striking theme, involving the production
of an heir to a great English estate, and
is handled in the spirit of Georre Mere
dith and the comedy of manners. Mr
Pryce 1s a grandson of the second T.r
Castlemaine. and thoroughly understands
English high life, of which he writes con
vincingly and with humor.
Dr. Emi! Reich has no opinion of peo
ple who don't work hard, and nartlcnlnriv
of clerks and subordinates who are tnn
lazy to keep themselves informed as to their
proprietors nusiness. ".Enter an office."
savs Dr. Reich, "and ask the average clerk
ine most innocent Question. The renlv
will be 'I don't know. It really seems s
If 'I don't know' is, ilka the iche dlen'
of the Prince of Wales, the family-motto of
most clerks. Merchants, traders and busi
ness men generally -could not apply a mor
efficient rulo than this, tbat any employe
of theirs who Is overheard to say to a cus
tomer, 'I don't know,' shall be dismissed
Instantaneously."
-
It is difficult to believe that the author
of the novel "Mother," which is being hailed
as a work of wonderful spiritual up
lift and of the loftiest purity and beauty,
can be the same Maxim Gorky who was not
long ago turned out of the hotels of New
York ls an undesirable person, and berated
as a corrupt and corrupting Influence.
' According to the Garden MagarfAie and
Farming. August la the month to plant
Christmas daffodils. A. N. Klrby. daffodlll
specialist, tells in an Interesting article how
to have a Winter supply of flowers without
a greenhouse, from planting bulbs in pots
in August ana burying them out or doors
until rooted. Another August planting
which results in a full Winter crop Is that
delectable table dainty, celery. How - to
plant celery la described by E. D. Garllng
ton, the Pennsylvania expert celery grower.
During next month there will appear
simultaneously a btstorlcal novel. and a
magazine article in which the same writer
describes conditions of Mexico past and
present.. Eugene p. Lyle, Jr., is the author
in ' question. His book, "The Lone Star."
will be published August 1. In It Mr. Lyle
gives a dramatic picture of Santa Ana and
his confreres, and of the men who pinned
the Stars and Stripes to Texas' flagstaff.
The article will appear In the World's Work
for that month and Is called "Mexico at
High Tide." The remarkable progress of a
wonderfully rich country being developed
largely by American capital la told by Mr.
Lyle. and while not fiction, is no less in
teresting than bis story of Mexico as it
was In the early thirties.
.
WoyS Osbourne, author of & new story
belngr talked about, "Th Adventurer." had
the xood fortune to be the stepson of
"Robert Louis Stevenson, and his collabora
tor in such RTat works "Th Wrong
Box." "Ebb Tide," etc. Later achievcu
mnt have proved that ha must have con
tributed hi full share to the work. and.
Indeed, Ptevenson's letter are full of his
praise. But Osbourne was naturally some
what lost In- the great g)ow of the Steven
son tan fame. He has been emerging gradu
ally; his short stories have had larg vogue,
and his hooks, especiairy "Baby Bullet" and
"Three Speeds Forward," have been most
cordially received. But all sign now Indi
cate that he has found himself fully in
"The Adventurer." Its serial course is be
ing followed with such impatient interest
that its praise is growing into an almost
audible murmur. Mr. Or?bourne is suspected
of placing Rudyard Kipling, thinly dis
guised. Into "hit new novel.
An Indiana man tlls of the efforts 'of an
author belonging to the HooRier nrhool of hls
tociral noveliMs to put in hi leisure time as
a "hen farmer" in that state. The literarv
person' venture afforded hia agricultural
neighbor no end of amusement, says Lippin
cott's. During his first year the amateur farmer
discovered that all his little chicks, which
were confined in coops, were languishing at
the point of death. The novelist went over
hu "hen literature" to locate the cause of
the trouble, but to no avail.
Finally he called upon an old rhap named
Rawlins-, to whom he put the queatlon:
"What do you suppose ia the matter with
thosf chickens?"
"Well. I dunno," said Rawlins. "What do
you feed 'em?"
"Feed theml" exclaimed the novelist-farmer.
"Why. I don't feed them anything!"
"Then, how'd you s'poie they waa a-goin to
live?"
"I presumed." replied the, literary person, .
"that the old hens had milk enough "for them
now."
Frederick Van Eeden, Dutch novelist, is
a new light in literature. Born in Haarlem
in 1860, he studied medicine and took his
degree at Amsterdam In 188ft. Hypnotism
and psychotherapeutics interested him even
more than the nractlca of medicine, and he
had a clinic for nervous diseases at Am
sterdam for seven years. Mr. Van Eeden
was nothing If not progressive in his views
In those days, as he Is In these; and lie
founded a colony not unlike that of Mr.
S4nclalr's Helicon Hall. This Dutch society
was called Walden in memory of Thoreau,
for whom Van Eeden had a great ad
miration. His first venture Into literature
was as a playwright, and some of it not all
of his plays were published in the original
and in translations. In 1003 his novel. "The
Deeps of Deliverance," which the author
describes as "lyric prose." was published In
this country. Some people hailed it as a
new gospel, others as a new Immorality, and
the story waa not without power. "The
Quest." if any one has the time to read It
it covers more than 300 octavo pages shows
greater imagination and is more of a story.
,
Duffield & Co. have published "The Can
ticle of the Sun of St. Francis of Assist"
In a booklet that forms the first volume
In their projected "Rubric Series." Web
ster defines Rubric (from ruber-red) as
"that part of any work In the early man
uscripts and typography which was colored
red. to distinguish it from other portions.
Hence that which Is established or settled,
as by authority." The little volumes of
the "Rubric Series" ara planned to give
to readers In attractive and handy form
various good things that are "established
or settled by authority." Especially tho
design is to include things which are
unget-at-ahle things which "everybody
ought to know" but usually can't lay hands
on. Each volume is printed in two colois,
with appropriate marginal decorations es
pecially made for it, and bound In a
shapely format. Other titles to be in
cluded are Fitzgerald's "Rubaiyat;" "The
Declaration of Independence." with fac
simile signatures; "Lincoln's Gettysburg
Oration" and "First and Second in au gural
Addresses:" and "Washington's- Farewell
Address."
m
Says the Colonel in Arthur Goodrich's
novel. "The Balance of Power":
'Don't git grouchy ef things don't come
your way ET ye re grouchy ye can't blame
'em.
'So infernally" nice to everybody that ye
hav to throw up a cent to make up yer
mind whether ye re his best friend or his
worst enemy.
The great American beatitude is:
BIessed are the slick, for they shall inher
it the earth.'
'Women talk list like most Tnjlns fitht
"When they find a point they want to at
tack tnev creen up to within one hundred
yards of it on on side; then they do the
same on inr otner siae, man iney try tna
right and the left; an' then ' most likely
they give a warhoop, an' go runnln' off
without ever attackln' th point they wuz
imin' at at an.
"I've alius figcered that a woman's mind
ain"t gray matter. It a a bunch o' rain
bows with colors thet run. They're made
to think crossways.
"Ye can trust most ev'rv woman's heart
hut y can t trust any woman's tongue.
'women are curus. One reason why
men like 'em, I reckon, is because they're
irrltatln' kind of puzzle, like Tigs in
the Clover.' Ye corral one part of their
characters an think ye've got it hobbled
It can't git away. Then ye start to
drive "n another, an Tore ye know it. out
Jumps th first one, an' ye've got to be
gin all over agin."
The theme chosen by Miss Marjorle Bow
en for her new novel. "The Master of Stair,"
acquires a special interest in view of cer
tain autobiographical facts concerning the
young writer. "The Master of Stair" is
built up aroun J tha-f famous episode i
Scotch history, the massacre of Glencoe,
wnicn was celebrated by Aytoun in his
"Laya of the Scottish Cavaliers." The mas
sacre was planned and executer by the
Campbells upon their hereditary enemies.
the MacDonalds, under circumstances that
threw much discredit upon the then gov
ernment and brought about the downfall
and disgrace of Sir John Dalrvmni . th
Master of the Stair, who was Minister of
Scotland ana who is the hero of MUi Bow
en's novel. It is now said that Miss Bowen
herself is a Campbell, her real name being
Gabrielle Vera Campbell, and that she is
tnererore on of the very clan that visit
ea such vengeance upon its enemies two
centuries ago.
Miss Campbell, however, has discovered
certain documentary evidence showing that
the massacre was not altogether the Inhu
man, cold-blooded slaughter that baa been
represented in history. The chief cause of
tn suDstitution oc "The Master of Stair"
for 'The Leopard and the Lily." an ear
lier written story, was the approaching sale
at Sotheby's of a letter containing the or
der for the massacre of Glencoe, dated
February 14. 1682. The letter was from
Major Duncannon to Captain Robert Camp
bell, and It Is said that the discovery of It
was among old papers in Australia.
NEW BOOHS BECEIVJCD.
"The Amateur Speakers' Handbook," by
H.nry L. Turner, BO cent.. Star Publish
ing Co.. CMc.ro.
"Railroad Men's Catechism."- by Angus
Sinclair, 1. Angus Sinclair Publlehing Co.,
New York.
"Practical Christian Sociology." by Rev.
TVllbur F. Crafts. Reviled fourth edition,
11.B0. Funk-Wagnala. ,
"Pausanla.," a dramatic poem by X)r. C.
W. Kennedy and Dr. J. S. Wilson, 11.25.
Neale Publishing Co.
Shakespeare's "A a You Like It," edited
by. Profe.frtr Isano N. Demmon, 85 cents
American Book Co.
Stories by and About Prominent Men
'Xot Built to Speculate.
THOMAS W. LAWSON was talking
about success to a financial report
er in Boston.
"Success in the stock market.;' said
Mr. Lawson, "comes from reckless dar
ing. He who enters this arena must
throw aside tho old copybook maxims
about prudence, and looking before
leaping, and siuaying- both sides ex
haustively-, and so on. Swift and reck
less Is the successful speculator, and
the unsuccessful one has nearly always
too much of the prudence of the old
flute player.
There was. you know, an old man. a
Milk-street clerk, who played the flute.
The old man entered a music shop one
day. opened a large book of music, and
laid it on a shelf before him in an oui-
of-the-wav corner.
"Then he took his flute out of his
coat-tall pocket, screwed it together
and began to play softly the first tune
in the book.
"When he finished the flrst tune, he
turned the page and played the second.
Then he nlayed the third.
"At the end of half an Tiour he was
etill playing on. The clerk, to hurry
him up a bit. approached and said civ
illy: - -"
" To you think the book will suit
you. sir?'
"1 don't know,' said the old man.
have only played half the tunes.'
"And he resumed his subdued toot
ling."
The Wild Jlurphles.
R
OBERT EIY, of Agawam, Mass.. ii
100 years old, and on his" last birth
day he said:
"My long life is due to my abstinence
from drinking and smoking and worrying.
Honesty, too, helps towards a long life.
The dishonest worry and fret themselves
Into an early grave.
"Bv honesty. mind. I mean old
fashioned honesty. The new kind doesn't
count with mo. I take no stock in the
new-fangled 20th century honesty that is
only stealing smothered in plausible talk.
"He was honest in the new way. a
chap who worked back yonder on the cut
off last year.
"This chap brought to work every day
a big pocketful of lovely new potatoes-.
small, pale fellows, round, nrm ana nne-
fiavored. He'd boil them over one ot
the fires. They made an elegant lunch.
There was a good deal of curiosity as to
where he got them, but he never would
tell.
"Finally a foreman said to him:
" 'Where do you get these splendid pota
toes that you lunch on every day?
"The chap hesitated a bit. Then he
stammered:
" 'They're er wild ones. I find 'em er
in a field.' "
The Cunning Actor.
D
R. HERBERT GRESHAM JONES,
the well-known specialist in dip
somania, was talking In New York
about the cunning with which dipso
maniacs In confinement will obtain
liquor.
"A certain noted but intemperate
actor." said Dr. Gresham James, "was
once locked up by his manager in order
that he might not spoil the evening's
performance by overdrinking. His con
finement was close. Windows, doors
everything was locked and barred.
"But the actor beckoned to a man in
the street, showed a greenback, and
bawled to him through the closed win
dow to go and buy a bottle of brandy
and o clay pipe.
"When the man returned with these
purchases, the actor called:
" 'Stick the pipestem In through the
keyhole.'
"This was done.
" 'Now.' said the actor, 'pour the
brandy, carefully into the bowl."
"As thu fluid fell into the bowl, the
actor sucked it up, and when his man
ager came to release him that evening
he lay in a corner quite gloriously
drunk.' "
Sending s Wireless.
CHABLES F. XJJMMIS. the well-known
author, traveler, and authority on
Indians, appeared recently in Washing
ton in a corduroy suit, a sash, and a
sombrero.
"Mr. Lummis." said a reporter.' "in
your study of the Indians you must have
come upon many strange things."
"In any study," said the novelist, "one
comes upon strange things. Take, for
instance, the study of childhood. Noth
ing reveals stranger things than that.
"I know a little-boy in Los Angeles. He
was bad the other day, and his mother
punished him.
"After his punishment he was seen to
go to his father's desk and write some
thing on a sheet of paper. Then he went
out Into the garden, dug a little hole,
and burled the paper in it.
"His mother, after he had gone away,
dug up the paper. It contained these
words:
" 'Dear Devil, please come and take
mamma.' "
Poison.
D
R. H. W. WILEY, the Department
of Agriculture's famous chemical
expert, was discussing certain Impure
beers.
"I am reminded," said Dr. Wiley, smll
ing, "of an incident that happened in the
Western town of Tin Can.
"Tin pan had a brewery, and the beer
from this brewery was unspeakably bad.
"Well, one night a melodrama was per
formed in the town hall, and in the sec
ond act there was a thrilling soliloquy by
the villain.
"The villain, alone on the stage, gnawed
his black mustache and debated with
himself how he should kill the hero.
" 'The knife," he muttered to hia cigar
ette. Poison? A pistol shot? Or shall
I kill him with '
" 'Just then there came a loud Inter
ruption from a cowboy In a box:
" 'Oh, give him some Tin Can beer.' "
A Queer Little Girl.
AM glad," said . a Montpeller wo-
man, "that Mrs. Ruth Burgess is
painting the portrait of the Kaiser's
fourth son. Prince Augustus. She de
serves her success. She gets a great deal
of character Into her portraits of the
young.
"Once. In her Montpeller studio. I saw
a full length of a remarkably pretty lit
tle girl. There was something odd.
something quaint. In -the child's face.
Mrs. Burgess told me a story about her.
'She said she was a queer mixture. She
was always saying queer things. Dress
ed in her best, the little girl went one
afternoon to pay a visit to an aunt, and
he had no sooner taken her things off
and gotten seated than she said calmly:
Now. auntie, if either of the other
children are naughty today, please don't
hesitate to punish them because I am
here." "
The Spirit That Is Xeeded.
ILLIAM T. STEAD, the noted
English Journalist, was talking
in New York about the world's govern
ments.
There is some truth In the saying,"
he concluded, "that nations have gov
ernments tney deserve. Good govern-
ment i impossible without unselfish
work, without self-sacrifice, on the
part cf the citizens.
"What governments need are citi
zens of the Lincoln stamp.
"Lincoln, at the commencement of
the awful war that you are soon, to
commemorate, was much abused by
one of his Generals, a Pennsylvanian.
He was even openly Insulted by this
man. ,
"In his splendid way he put up with
that mistreatment lmperturbably. But
when the thing kept on and on, grow
ing more and more flagrant, his
friends remonstrated with him. They
told him he was suffering: more than
was reasonable or right.
"But Lincoln only smiled his odd, sad,
humorous smile.
"'I'll hold General 's hone for'
him.' he said, 'if he will only bring us
success.' "
The Begged Question.
w
ALTER WELLMAK. the noted ex
plorer, journalist and aeronaut, was
discussing on the Carmanla, on the way
to America, an English aeroplane that
had failed. .
"The machine." said Mr. Wellman. "i
no good, and it never will be any good. I&
Inventor's " xcuses for its failure he
blamed the wind, the motor, a loose screw
begged the question as the private did
in the Civil War.
"This private escaped from camp one
night, visited town, and in returning was
waylaid by a sentry.
" 'Who goes there?' the sentry called in
the darkness.
" 'General Grant,' the private answered
In the voice of one who has consumed 11
beers and nine whiskies.
"And thereupon the disgusted sentry
knocked the man down with his musket
butt.
" 'Jim Jobbins,' the sentry exclaimed
recognizing the private as he helped him
up. 'how dare you say that you are Gen
eral Grant?'
"The private tied his handkerchief
around his head.
" 'Well.' he stammered, 'if you'd do this
to General Grant, what wouldn't you have
done to Jim Jobbins?' "
In Charity's Same.
"J
ACK LONDON'S famous defini
tion of charity 'sharing a bone
with a dog when you're as hungry as
the dog1 recalls a story about charity,'
said a magazine editor, "that I heard
Mr. London tell at a farewell dinner here
In New York before he sailed away on
the Snark.
Mr. London said that two old men
were smoking and drinking together after
dinner.
"The host rang the bell and an old wo
man appeared.
" 'Confound you, stupid!' said the host
Didn't I tell you I wanted the Scotch?
Take this back, and bring what I asked
for, you old fool!'
" 'Come, come,' said the guest, after
the old woman had hurried away in
great fright. 'Come, come, my friend
don't you think you are rather too sharp
with your old servant?'
" 'Oh.' said the other, 'she's not a serv
ant. She's only a poor relation I'm keep
ing out of charity.'
"The guest looked relieved.
That alters the case, of course,' he
said. ,
The Green Conductor.
JEROME JOYCE, of Baltimore, was re
monstrating against a certain bill at
the recent convention of hotel men In
Washington.
'This bill, he said, is awkward. "It
goes to. work in the wrong way. It Is
like the green conductor.
"There was a green conductor on a trol
ley line, and one morning Just after his
trip had begun, a spotter boarded the
car.
The spotter, as these men do. counted
the passengers, and then he looked at the
dial. There were nine passengers, but
only eight fares had been collected. He
wont out on the platform at once. There
was nothing crooked; the conductor was
green, that was all.
" 'See here, Mr. Green Hand,' he said
you're a nickel shy. There's nine peo
ple in there, and you've only rung up
eight fares.'
The conductor stuck his head in the
door and made a count.
"You're right, darn 'era,' he said.
"And then he entered the car and
shouted angrily, at the same time pulling
the cord lor the motorman to stop:
'Say, one of you fellers "11 have to git
Off!'
The Kesult of Lying.
TtyjAARTEM MAARTENS, the Dutch
1 I novelist, was talking at a maga
zine office about realistic fiction.
'If realism is truth." he said, "then I
am for it. In books, as in life, the
truth Is always best. Lle-s fall.
"Lies fail In books as they fall In
life. I know a woman who Intensely
desired to have a good photograph
taken of her little son.
'But In the studio the child bawled
as though he were going to be tor
tured. It was Impossible to calm him.
Impossible to keep him in the chair.
For an hour he filled the place with
his howls and yells. For an hour he
tore up and down the room like an
imp.
" 'But, darling,' said his mother, 'the
gentleman Isn't going to hurt you. Just
smile and keep still a moment, and It
will be all over before you know it."
" Tes." roared the youngster. Yes. I
know. That's what you told me at the
dentist's.' "
An Almost Pardonable Error
LAWRENCE MOTT, the well-known
young author and automoblllst, con
demned scorching; at a dinner In New
York.
"I condemn," he said, "scorching and
the scorcher, but I don't condemn the
scorcher unheard. I don't condemn the
accused man hastily. Hasty condemna
tion Is always a mistake.
"Once, on a Canadian railway, I got
off the train for a five-minute luncheon
at a railway eating bar.
"There was a man beside me gobbling
away, and when he finished I heard 'him
say bitterly, as he took out his purse:
" 'Call that a ham sandwich? It's the
worst ham sandwich I ever ate. No
more taste than-sawdust, and so small
you could hardly see It.'
" 'Ye've et yer ticket.' said the wait
er. 'This here's yer ham sandwich." "
The Cheese.
HE late General Thomas H.
Ruger," said a Stamford man.
'was. like many Army officers, an au
thority on good cooking, but he detested
rank, high cheese. At a dinner he said
that a very rank cheese was once left
at his headquarters to be called for, and
after It had remained unclaimed two days
he posted up thla notice:
If the cheese sent here addressed to
Private Jones Is not called for in two
days It will be shot.' "
The Good Provider
HOUGH Mrs. McKinley," said a
I Canton clergyman, "left an es
tate of about 200,000, she was one of the
most charitable women in Ohio. Her
experiences in charity work were inter
esting. ,i used to like to hear her talk
of them.
"She once told me about a colored widow
whose children she had helped to
educate. The widow, rather late in life,
married. A few months after her mar.
rlage. Mrs. McKinley asked her how she
was getting on.
" Tse a-gittin' on fine, thank ye,' the
bride answered. '
"'And is your husband a. good pro
vider?" said Mrs. McKinley.
" 'Deed he is a good providah. ma'am,"
was the reply. "He got me five new place
to wash at dis las" week." "'
An Odd Ad.
JVI OTHINO succeeds like perse
verance." eaidMark Twain at a
dinner. "When luck seems most against
us. then we should work and hope hard
est Of all. In mfim.nr, n. 4 1 . . . .
. - Mjowwijenuni
b, f remernber my old friend Henry
Plumley of Virginia City.
"Henry Plumley ran a collar factory.
Times were reputed to be hard with him.
hen his factory, which was very heavl
y insured, burnt down, there was every
indication that he had set the place on
lire himself in order to get the Insur
ance money. Virginia City was the soul
of honor in those days. Shocked bevond.
Phlt. ' r0S9 n ". eld Henry
k Jv?ut haUer round h' neck and
Onched him.
rti'ff" h? d!d not dl' The Sheriff ar
med and cut him down In time. He
a Verrnein8Jafl.,OUnd he
n,'hfhlS.Krel'fse. you wouldn't have
thought that he'd return to Virginia
Em-V'S- 'h? H - though. H.
came back, reopened his collar factory
and prospered. "
J31f 1 aV! hlm hijs ,Urt the odd
hf, rlt ?rraent W,th which h0 announced
n.nd amons ut- Pltd by a brass
bu?,t I?5'' ln r'at ft chariot!
of h Ur 'lTttt- He Mt on kind
I8 d u". tnron- and he held on a crlm-
boveUS.r.,n .'nh" 'aP " ld' old
waved thi. f0"a- '.?" a cHmson ba"ner
SoM inscription in huge letters of
WererivnA"JhVl,',r W Wora whn
were l,nched. It saved our life. Be wlie
m rZ', and Uae no oth"- At all retail.!
10 cents apiece, three for a quarter." "'
too 111 to Be JVnrsed.
M-1HE late Bishop Fitzgerald." said
a St. Louis man, "once preside
ti I8038."" of the year at 'he gradu
f " .l"1?13'8 of of nurses. H.
told the young women a story that
pleased them mightily.
"He said that during our war w It'll
Spain a certain hospitaf had a corpT of
curses of exceptional beauty just sue
a corps, in fact as tne youl"St,Jdu,
ranged before him would hav? made!
fair rL 'R'a8 wh'P"-d that these
ralr nurses were inclined a little to
th.VJi' I?' inCUnei m"" t0 mrt with th.
the ailing young soldiers in their charge
Now, when a soldier felt that he wa
on the mend, a flirtation with I pUy
wound," deli"tfuI" but wnen hls
wounds were troublesome, then sral-
up toy a thln tnat he hafdly
tind inde?d !t was that some-
wn-f,8. 8 t""etty I'urse ,n this hospital
find nimTvi ' a.favor't aoldler. and
find him lying with closed eves, as If
on-'fh' n ht" COt" a"d this note pinned
on the counterpane:
Smith?0""1 t0 b nursed today.-Jno,
A Bath In lhev '7 0s.
HENRY JAMES, the famous novelist,
arrived at 10 o'clock one night at a
Florida hotel, and could nnMn i
eat. The hotel was marnlflcen kh
pensive, but Its rule was to serve no
food after n. certain tint,, , t -
-, .iju V, Ul I
sequence Mr. James went hungry to
UVU,
Discussine- this hardshtn ft.r-,-j.
he said: '
"I fult. Indeed lilr thi
, - - - uiiuciim'i
wiio visited an Arkansa hotel back in
the '70s.
"It Wfl a b isrfmitlir m .
" n'Jici, una ins
Jtuest, on his Arrival, nairi th. i
lord, tentatively:
Landlord, I'd like a bath.'
' 'All right,' was the reply.
"And the landlord trnt At
inar in ten nitnnt wiK m
oft soap, a towel, a pick and a shovel.
iiie r.seiorn guest took up the can
of soft sosp and the towel, but at the
pick and shovel he looked askance.
are tnese iorr' ho said.
"' 'Wall, stranger," said the landlord,
'the water's low. an' vo'ii huu-
. , , ... ' - - - --. . " USUI
up the creek." "
He Was Too Sore.
HERBERT PARSONS, president of the
New Tork County Republican Com
mittee, was talking in Albany against
self-confidence ln politics.
10 win. he said, "a man Ktmuln1 ni-.
be sure of winning. Confidence and
ooasung. to my mind, always imply de
feat. I'll tell you a story.
"A man came shooting from a brightly
lighted window one night, and landed
witn a crash on the sidewalk.
" "It's all right." be said to the crowd
that had gathered, as he stiffly rose.
'That's my club, the 'Eighth Precinct. I'm
a Smith man. and there'n ten Jon aa mn
ln there. I'm going back to them. You
atay here and count them as they come
out of that window.'
"Ho limped back Into the club. There
Wn fniflt nnrno Tk.. a js . -
" v -. inau llurv
chashed through the window, and struck
the sidewalk with a grunt.
" That's one.' said the crowd.
" 'No.' said the fie-ure. rising. nnn'i
start counting yet. It's me again. "
Vp to Thcin.
TRUST conference any kind of
aT- a conference, for that matter
Is a good thing," said Governor Shel
don, of Nebraska, "if it is conducted
tairly.
"To be unfair, to be prejudiced, to be
suspicious, is always to judge wrongly.
The suspicious man falls Into error
and make a fool of himself.
There was a very suspicious coun
tryman who went to New York to see
the eights. Coming to the Metropolitan
Museum, he was amazed to find that
the admission to this splendid building;
cost nothing. He mounted the stepf
and entered.
1 Tour umbrella, sir," said a uni
formed official, extending his hand.
"The countryman jerked back his
umbrella, laughed scornfully, and
urned on hie heel.
" 'I knowed there was aome - cheat
about it when be got in free,' ha said."
His First Thought. .
ft'ir HAT," said Senator Beverldge of
I a witticism, "was quaintly put.
It is like the remark of the old vet
eran. "This aged man, going from his room-
one night to let out the cat, stumbled
on the landing and pitched headlonic
down into the hall.
Why, Silas,' called his wife, 'is that
you? Did you ran downstairs?"
'Yes, grunted the old fellow, risln
lowly. "Yes. I did. and for Bbout a
minute and a half I thought I'd lost
my pension.' "