xm k fiuSitAY' OKEGONIANr PORTLAVD. JAXUART 13. lOOT.
II 111
ROLLO AND, ELSIE
The Good Boy and the Model Girl
Doing Team Work for the First Time
BY GEORGE ADE.
(Copyright. 190G, by George Ade.)
IS'CE there -was a liittle Boy
0
who loved his Parents and
never" played Marbles for Kecj!,
and his name was Rollo.
If his name had been Bill he
would have waited baok of the
Barn to shy a few Clods at the
n!w Copper but liis name was
Kollo.
It wouldn't Lave bco"h so tough
on him if the name had "been
Clyde, or Elmer., or Chauncey, or
even Rudolph.- but it is sine
enough hardluch when a lot of
pin-headed Relations rope and
throw a Helpless Infant and brand
ROLLO on his Plank.
Rollo had a. sister named Klsie.
No doubt you have heard of
Rollo and know something alio.it
little Elsie, but it will surprise
you to learn that they were Kin.
You will remember Hollo as the
Manly Urchin who was ever kind
to Animals, while Elsie was the
sweet-faced Tot who thought she
was having a Bully Time if she
could pluck a few Daisies aud put
them in her Hair.
Rollo and Elsie have been very
stronprly featured in sterilized
Heading Matter for the Youuj;,
but so far as the Author can dis
cover they have not been seen any
where else.
They were cooked up simply as
Decoys. They are somewhat like
the Weepy Heroine in the ff?2 play.
A man will sit in the Parquet and
sympathize with her and pull for
her and cry until hiss Gloves get
soft, and yet if he had anything
like that waiting for him at the
Plat he wouldn't go home onee in
two weeks.
Rollo, as he appears in the 111 as-
trations, "wore wideawake Hat.
with a sporty DucKle on it, and
had Curls such as Janice Meredith
made so popular about five years
ago. In his more riotous moments
he was depicted in the act of roll
ing a Hoop around a Flower lied.
Elsie was shown in the Wood-
Engraving as a liammcrcd-down
jXIiss. with Eyes about the size of
Individual Butter Dishes and ft
Mouth so small that she eould not
have eaten a Gooseberry without
cutting it in two.
Kollo and Elsie were very popu-
kr Characters about '20 years ago.
That is, the Young People would
read about Rollo in the House, but
out in the Wood Shed they would
get Goose Pimples while following
the trail of the trainrobbcrs with
Silver Star, the Boy Detective.
Since, then we have made a
(treat Advance .. The Colored
Supplement has brought sunshine
Into many Homes. .
The rea I up-to date Ohildren s
Page shows the light-hearted Lads
and Lassies enirasrod in such inno-
cent Diversions as blowing up
Mother with a Cannon Cracker, or
soakinpr Iada over the head with-
a Ball Bat.
Since the precocious Youth of
our Land have learned . to jump
from the Second Reader right into
the Sporting? Column, and have
also got into the habit of' reading
the Dramatic Papers every week,
it would seem that Kollo and Elsie
Many years ago they read in the
little paper-covered Volumes ob
tained from the Circulating Libra
ry that every Person who is Good
will be' Successful and sooner or
later handle a lot of Money. So
they worked on the theory that if
a man could get a Bundle it would
prove that he had been Good, be-
cause anyone who is not Pretty
Good these days ' will end up by
working for a Trust at so much a
month.
So, come, Fond Parents gather
the i Olive Brandies m a circle
around the Steam Radiator and
read to them regarding the only
Boy who was on to his job and the
only Girl who didn't talk back
to her Elders. . '
Rollo lived a Stainless Life, so
that he could grow up and have
Burnsides and be the head of a
large Mercantile Concern.' In
every Juvenile Story approved by
IT X i
I f'lw - I
t i Tf J
.GBCSGt ADE?
grold-headed Cane and steps up ou
a Platform at' the slightest provo-
cation to address the Young Peo-
the Pastor it is pointed out to I pie and advise them to save their
grow up and be "like the James
Brothers, thought of little Rollo ?
No doubt they spoke well of him
Rollo never loosened up and
chipped in to buy a Mask and a
Catcher rs Glove "for the Cub
Juniors.
He never knocked the bottom
out of a Copper Boiler and
sneaked it down to the Junk Shop
to get money enough to buy Can
dy Cigars for the Bunch! '
J I? never tried to smoke Rattan
or Corn-Silk, or go after English
Sparrows with a Niereer-Shooter.
So far as we can learn he devoted
nearly all of his time to rolling
the Hoop.
Rollo was a Reformer. That
made him very Popular. Of
course, grown-up people "don't
r
much like to have some cadaver
ous "Willie with stringy side-whis-
hers and a tied in-the-storc White
Tie come around and teJL them
how toufarb they are and how good
he is, hut with the Children it is
different. V
For we, read rifrht in the Book
have lost n good deal of their orig-
inal Drag.
However, they should not be
counted out. It is no doubt true
that the present epidemic of Mo-
rality in Financial Circles is due
to the Fact that most of the well-
known Business Men of To-Day
were brought up on the Rollo
Books. - .
(
the .tender Youth that they must
be pure and upright, and likewise
they must get the Stuff. It is not
on Record that any Boy with a
Deportment average of 100 ever
grew up to he merely Poor and
Respectable. '
No, each one is finally as Rich
as all getout, w ith a girth, meas
ure of about 52. and he carries a
"v.
Actus ?a. AAMvtv AiM?Mx!FotsJi HUm W!k.at.
money and get an Education and
grow up to be Members of the
School Board.
The Rollo and Elsie books
should be put back into every
Home. They would give the fly
Kids of today many a hearty
laugh, and they would not get
them -worked up so that they
would moan in their sleep and
dream about the Indians.
And Rollo! Wouldn't he make
a tarrific hit with the Gang that
gets together out in the Alloy
every Saturday afternoon !
s Rollo had no Faults. The only
reason that the Angels didn't take
him at the first call was that they
knew they couldn't keep up with
the Pace-that he had set.
Rollo s chief Virtue was that he
was a Tight Wad. It is quite
pleasant to associate with some
one who knows how to unbuckle,
but in our Fiction we always ad-
mire the far-seeing youngster who
harries home with his Nickel and
puts it into the Tin Bank.
He is preparing a Nest Egg for
his Old Age. In 65 or TO years
he will fce old and that nickel, fig
ured at compound interest, will
run up to about 3f cents, which
will buy him a Good Cigar in
some places.
Can you imagine what all the
ornery little. Boys, with sunburn
and "warts and stone-bruises, all
of whom wanted to be Trapeze
Performers in si circus or " else
that when little, Rollo would find
his playmates conspiring upon
some act of Mischief, he would
rehuke them gently and call atten
tion in a few appropriate sen-
tences to the Moral Aspect of the
case, and they would all haug
their heads and be abashed and
relinquish their Sinful Intentions.
Fine!
Can you not. see the Push fret
ting ready to hitch a Goat to a
Wagon and wraslinpr him all over
the back yard to tret the Harness
on him? Little Rollo comes out
and begs them to desist, as it is
wrong to take advantage of the
Dumb Creatures.
They may close in on Rollo and
waller him and cjive him a bad
Eye and send him home all open
in the hack, nut he need not worry
or feel discouraged, for he has
done his Duty.
We read in tlh? books that Rollo
was never Rude to his Governess.
This line of reading about the
Governess must make a very di
rect appeal to little Jimmy Gohe-
gan, whose father is getting a dol-
lar-ten a day at the Gas House.
Of the 22,000000 Little Ones
now growing: up in this . country,
it is estimated that not more than
8 ever saw a Governess. s
The beautiful young lady who
goes up in a balloon and then
comes back In a Parachute lias a
Tapioca compared with the unfor-
tunate Female who tackles the job
of looking after a flock of Kids
that belong to somebody else.
Unless, of course, she has to
look after Rollo and Elsie, and
then the work is Nuts. Rollo 's
Governess never had to tell him
to keep his face clean and not
play with the Irish on the other
side of the Tracks.
We read that both Rollo and
Elsie were in variably polite to the
Governess, and kind to the Butler
and friendly with the Gardener
and on very pood terms with
James, the Coachman.
You take a Boy who has to get
up at 0 A. M. in' Winter and dig
the Sawbuek out of a Snow Bank
and who usually -gets a pair of
Warm Mittens for Christmas, and
there is nothinpr that could cheer
him, more than to read about
Rollo, who always had a Clean
Collar and spoke gently to the
Servants.
Kollo undoubtedly went to Col-
lege and lie must have been be-
loved by all his Classmates, for he
had an overdeveloped Conscience
and a Moral Mature of such gigan-
tic proportions that he ot stoop-
shouldered carrying it around,
He never joined in auy of the
Wild .Pranks of the Rowdy Ele
ment, and, of course, to he con-
sistent. he had to assist the Fac-
ulty in maintaining discipline,
The Conscience kept throbbinsr
like h last year's Automobile and
it would not permit him to shield
any Wrong-Doers, So the regular
pipc-smoKing tomanches thought
he was as niee a fellow as ever
poisoned a well.
Rollo went into Business and
he was so Good that he never tried
to put through a Fooling Agree-
ment or grab off the secret Re
bate from a Transportation Line,
until his Lawyer had assured hint
that there was no danger of bem
Pinched.
In order to protect the Youncf
Men from the Country who were
on his Payroll he laid out the
Hours for them so that when they
quit Work thev Iwd just cnousrh
time to pro home and ret some
Sleep. Thus ho keptliem out of
Pool Rooms and Variety Theaters.
li" repressing all of his naturaL
Instincts ; and; nuttinj; into other
people's Affairs to stamp out
"Wickedness and disinfect Society,
Rollo at last reached the Goal of
every Jittle Ro- who starts out
by rolling a Hoop and snyjn
"Yes, ma'am.'' to the Lndy Prin
cipal. That is. he got so many
Scads that ven the Assessor eouhl
not keep track of what he had
put away.
And Elsie, she was ever so Sue
cessful, likewise.
Elsie, in her Pinafore Days, m
so keyed-up in her ideas of R-iprht
and Wrong that whenever she be
came excited and angry and ex
claimed. "Oh, jimpson weed!
she would afterward go to her
Room and cry for an Hour at ai
time.
At the age of 13 she would
rather sit at home and crochet
Mufflers for the Filipinos than go
to a Dancing School and learn the
Boston Dip.
Elsie never chewed Gum or put
a Rat under her Hair. . Just give
her a Wax Doll and a volume of
Emerson's Essavs and she would
be as Happy as a Lark.
We have learned from a careful
study of Juvenile fiction that
such a Sweet. Child always bios-
so in s into Terfect Womanhood
and rides in a swell open Carriage,
smiling pleasantly at the peopl
who have to walk
And, .of course, she Marries
"Well. Klsie is the only one of her
Rind who ever came through the
Press, and therefore she is entitled
to the grandest little Husband
that Money can buy.
She realizes the full ambition of
every pure-minded American Girl
whose inmost soul it frothing1 with
Social Ambition?.
She marries Lord Rotiincton
just, in time to .save him from pro-
ing on the fttapre, and pets her pic-
tu re in t he Pane rs t w ice firs t
when she j?oes down the 1 on
chute to where the Bishop i
waitinp, and second, when hi
Lordship chases her across- coun-
fry striking at her with a Niblick.
She pays whatever she can
spare for a Lepra! Separation, huf,
they can't, take the Title away
from her because she m had that
sewed on.
So Rollo has the Tjonp Green,
and Elsie is a Grass Peeress, which
proves that all Xjittle Boys and
Girls should hehave and abstain
from doing anything that they
reallv want to do.
ACS 'Acaass