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PORTLAND, Sl'MlAY, NOVEMBER 18.
r t
A STATEMENT
The Oregonian had fully Intended to
say nothing: about the attempt of Wil
liam M. Ladd to procure indictment of
its proprietors, till after the grand jury
had finished its work, made its report
and adjourned. But since Mr. Ladd
causes hie newspaper, day by day, to
continue its attacks on The Oregonian,
and to urge, press and roar for indict
ments; and since, moreover, it con
tinues its studied and labored misrep
resentations and misinterpretations of
The Oregonian's cartoon of November
2. with evident intention of pre-occupy-ing
the public mind and forestalling: the
public judgment, by substitution of its
own misconstruction and distortion of
the meaning and intent for the true one.
The Oregonian now will have some
thing to say. It supposes, too, that the
grand jury has now finished its in
quiries into this case, but as no report
has been made, of course, it knows
nothing about what action It may take.
This article is addressed to the public.
Mr. Ladd hHS pretended that The
Oregonian attributed to him the author
ship of the Hearst assaination litera
ture, though it has long been knownand
often reprinted, and its authorship
known, throughout the United States;
and on this pretense, supported by
statements of complaisant members of
his "set" that they so understood it, he
called for a grand jury. The forced
misinterpretation was and is mere pre
tense. No unbiased intelligence could
have given the cartoon such construc
tion or interpretation. It was univer
sally known where the statements came
from. Twice before, within that same
week, they had been published in The
Oregonian, and their origin attributed
to W .R. Hearst ,of New York. Events
had caused their republication in nearly
every newspaper of the United States,
within a short time before The Ore
gonian's cartoon appeared. The Ore
gonian's object in printing the cartoon
m as patent. It was, as stated, first, "to
concentrate attention on what Hearst
journalism is, and second, to show who
Is responsible for the imitation of it
end support of Hearst and Hearst jour
nalism at Portland." The Oregonian
said that Mr. Ladd was handing out an
imitation here; and its cartoon 6aid,
"Here is what Hearst Journalism is,"
Hearst at that time was a candidate
for Governor of New York; the atten
tion of the whole country was fixed
upon that contest, and the Ladd organ
here warmly favored Hearst. The time
was opportune to identify here the par
ties in alliance.
Mr. Ladd is one of the proprietors, a
director and the treasurer of the jour
nal of monopoly here. Why do we call
the Ladd Journal also a Hearst journal?
Because, in its style, make-up, methods,
news, editorial page and general char
acteristics, it is a close imitation of the
Hearst newspapers. It professes ad
miration of Hearst himself; it approves,
eupports and defends hie political
schemes, and it expressed earnest hope
and enthusiastic desire that he might
bo elected Governor of New York. Its
news columns are largely filled from
the Hearst papers, and matter offered
' as news has been appearing for years
in its columns under the heading,
"Hearst News Service." It is, there
fore, "an imitation Hearst Journal";
and it was right, therefore, to concen
trate attention here on what Hearst
Journalism is for attention was con
centrated upon it in all parts of the
United States by Hearst's own candi
dacy in New York; and moreover, it
was right to Indicate who was respon
sible for the imitation of it in Portland.
Mr. Ladd, more than any other person,
is that man. He it is who has given
the paper Its existence; his name as
sociated with it, drew in the rest, to
creation and maintenance of a paper
which should be always at command of
the pluto-aristocracy of Portland,
bringing support to their echemee and
fighting their opponents. It is a fact
that Mr. Ladd has always taken a
warm personal interest in support f
the bantling; and many in Portland
know that he has in person solicited
business for it. With great Industry
and persistence he has shinned the
streets of Portland, either alone or in
the company of J. N. Teal, a fellow
director and the secretary of the organ,
on this mission, with the purpose of
Impressing men In business with the
Idea that his paper ought to have sup
port, on the score of reciprocity be
tween .him and them. These, indeed,
are small matters, one might say; but
they establish The Oregonian's affirma
tion of Mr. Ladd's Interest In the paper
which he now pretends to disown. Mr.
Ladd, moreover, guaranteed payment
for the press on which the paper is
printed, and had to do so before the or
der for It would be accepted. But
the dog-like fidelity with which the
newspaper lollowe the master In this
one affair would be both' proof and ac
knowledgement, if anything further
were needed, of the relation between
master and servant. Exclamatory ap
peals for the master have filled its col
umns daily; in his behalf the paper has
called for "sympathy" for the "auffer
lngs" of members of his family who
never have been, even remotely, alluded
to by The Oregonian; It has tried day
by day to coerce, browbeat and dragoon
a grand Jury for gratification of the
master's vengeance; it has filled the
air and the clouds with Its cries, en
treaties and calumnies; it has even
tried to raise its obtestations to Heaven.
Of course Mr. Ladd had a right to
start and he has a right to own, or to
be a leading owner, in a newspaper.
But the purpose of the paper was dis
guised, even from some who took
shares in it, fcr they did not know that
it was to be devoted to the special
objects or ends of leading promoters;
and some refused to continue to feed
it, and dropped out. But Mr. Ladd
said It was to go, if he had to carry It
on alone. If he wanted to publish a
newspaper, well and good; many per
sons thought another newspaper might
be a good thing for Portland. But this
organ began its career by vicious at
tacks on The Oregonian, and on every
interest outside those of the group who
had started it to support their grasp
ing purposes. This is its mission today,
backed by the money and by every in
fluence wielded by the gang who have
"taken in" everything within their
reach in Portland.
Right now Is as good a time as any,
and here a very proper place, once
more to repeat an to emphasize the
fact that the Ladd Journal, though im
itating Hearst journalism, is an effort
of a greedy plutocracy, masquerading
under cover of pretense of regard for
popular interests and popular rights, to
promote schemes for this combination's
own further enrichment and aggran
dizement. This plutocracy never has
been willing, nor is now willing, that
Portland and Oregon shall make growth
and progress too fast for its clansmen
to grasp and appropriate the proceeds.
They want nobody to do business here
on any Important scale, who is not
willing or cannot be forced to pay trib
ute to them, nor will allow it, if they
can prevent It. They support their
newspaper organ as an adjunct of these
schemes, and the people know it; yet
this organ of plutocracy, run by the
multi-millionaire tontine of Portland,
pretends to be a journal of the people,
of the people whose most valuable
common property, in franchises and
uses, amounting to millions upon mil
lions in value.N have been grabbed ' or
filched from them by the gang, through
open seizure- or in surreptitious ways,
without payment of a dollar to the peo
ole for the property, and either sold
for the further enrichment of : the
grandee exploiters, as in the case of the
street railways, or held for dividends,
as the gas exploit, based on high
charges and excessive rates to the peo
ple, under claim of perpetual tenure,
attended by insolent refusal to obey
the laws requiring exhibit of the af
fairs of public service corporations,
all in the high-flown and high-blown
spirit of the monopoly proverb: "The
public be !" Such a gang should
have a newspaper, of course; and, of
course, that newspaper will tell always,
and keep on telling, how dear every
popular cause, everything that concerns
the welfare of the people, is to it and to
its masters, while they pluck and skin
the people to the bone!
The real object of this effort to indict
is to try to muzzle or silence The Ore
gonian on all such matters as the fran
chise grabs, the gas abuses, absorption
of estates and engrossment of the busi
ness of Portland by the plutocratic
trust, so that there might be smooth
sailing, without 'question or noyance;
for if The Oregonian could be "shut
up," not a voice could be raised in Port
land against any of the operations or
exploitations of- our holy local plutoc
racy. No one would dare to oppose its
schemes, for the penalty would be ruin.
The Oregonian, however, is here; it is
on the side of the people; it cannot be
intimidated; It cannot be silenced. It
deals, however, only with public mat
ters, or with individuals in their rela
tion to them. On this basis both Its
duty and its rights are assured. The
Oregonian, it was known, could not be
induced to serve the purposes of thte
plutocracy, never had stood with it;
and the combination felt the need of
an organ to support its grasping
schemes.
The Ladd organ, then, run as a
Hearst imitation, is one of the instru
ments of a group bent on absorption
of everything within its reach. The
Effort has succeeded too well. Very
soon after the organ was started it be
gan a series of abusive, virulent and
libelous attacks on The Oregonian.
They were not noticed because The Or
egonian was unwilling to engage In
any contention with it that might ap
pear to be merely a newspaper wrangle;
so no notice wae taken of Its calumnies;
which, however, continued from year J
to year. To engage with it on its own
grounds, to descend into the gutter to
throw mud with it, The Oregonian dis
dained. Again and again the Ladd paper
complained of The Oregonian's refusal
to notice it, or the attacks with which
its columns teemed. These attacks
were usually scurrilous and venomous,
and always full of falsehood. But its
libelous invective and vicious cartoons
were alike passed over, without other
notice than a glance of contempt. Hold
ing such journalism despicable, The
Oregonian simply disregarded it.
But a change came. In May, 1905,
The Oregonian, having learned that the
scheme to sell out for millions the fran
chises of Portland, which our local plu
tocrats had appropriated by surrepti
tious means, was about to be consum
mated, criticised and denounced the en
tire transaction as robbery of the city;
whereupon the prgan of these high
rollers redoubled its vituperative and
virulent attacks, and The Oregonian
answered then for the first time that
it was what was to be expected" from a
publication which had been established
and was sustained as an organ and de
fender of thsse purposes of private ag
grandizement, at the expense of the
public. TJiis, let It be borne in mind,
was the first notice the plutocratic or
gan received from The Oregonian. Here
was not a mere newspaper squabble
about nothing; but here was a great
subject, of highest public Importance.
A type of journalism had been intro
duced here that was grafting the
Hearst newspaper style and spirit on
the schemes of local plutocracy, for
support of both, and Mr. Ladd, as a
man of wealth and eminence, standing
at the head of this plutocracy and deep
ly interested in its principal schemes
one of the owners,, also, of the news
paper and a director in the corporation
that, after the Hearst fashion, tries to
disguise the ownership, was named by
The Oregonian as the representative
man of the undertaking. So he has
been treated or dealt with since. A
dummy nominally at the head of an un
dertaking is not the responsible man.
They who supply the money are the
actual parties in responsibility.
During several recent years the Ladd
Hearst organ has uttered countless li
bels against The Oregonian and Its
publishers libels of the most false, ma
licious and defamatory description,
both by cartoon and by printed text, of
which The Oregonian has taken no no
tice at all; for if their life-long work
here has not made them, known and es
tablished character for them, nothing
they could say for themselves, or their
newspapers could say for them, could
avail them anything. Nor could grand
juries nor trial juries, nor a sequacious
herd of retainers and toadies claequing
at their heels and ready to bear wit
ness; nor saintly aire, nor ostentatious
moral or pietistic pretensions.
The Judgment and delicacy Mr. Ladd
has shown in bringing the women of
his family into this contention, both
through his newspaper and through the
chambers of the grand jury, the public
will pass, upon, silently; fpr opinion is
free. And that opinion unquestionably
Is that it was very poor theatricals.
For there are other aged ladies and
other sensitive wives and widows here;
not rich, indeed, since they have been
impoverished by absorption of their
property, through inordinate avarice
and enormous greed, into estates al
ready plethoric with wealth. Millionaires 1
may appraise their own sensibilities;
the public is not bound to confirm the
appraisement, but reserves the right to
believe that the widows, or wives and
children, of houses and estates lost arid
swallowed up in the rolling accretions
of aggrandizing wealth, may have sen
sibilities too. The struggle against an
all-devouring plutocracy is the same
here as elsewhere and everywhere, and
when such plutocracy sheds ihs tears
in public for obtalnment of sympathy,
the spectacle becomes pathetic, indeed!
There is an appeal to the public, in
all matters that concern the welfare of
society, which surpasses in dignity. In
force and in effect any appeal to a
grand jury; and in any appeal to the
grander Jury The Oregonian believes It
Is able to make itself heard and under
stood. Never yet has it failed to do so,
and it thinks it will not now; for its
object is to keep the people apprised
of the crafty, Insidious and always
tireless efforts of a local monopolistic
plutocracy to secure ' advantages for
Itself, both from the public and from
all private persons who can be drawn
into its net and converted into prey.
Intrenched here through hereditary ad
vantage, its purpose is to permit noth
ing to be done in which It has not a
controlling hand, 60 that tribute may
be exacted from every side. Hateful
to the people and. full of abominations
in itself. It is the octopus of Portland
and the represser of Oregon. Its chief
ambition is to suck up the proceeds of
the efforts of others and to avail itself,
to the utmost possibility, of the indus
try that strives to accomplish things,
and then try to take its results away
and "wait for a rise." It is a curse to
Portland and long has been; for Its
methods are hot alone such as we have
described. They include and long have
included, a policy of keeping out of
Portland and of Oregon all capital or
enterprise strong enough to be inde
pendent or to do independent things.
By it capital has continually been
warned away with such statements as,
"O, there is nothing in what you talk
about. We have looked into it, and if
there had been anything in it we should
have undertaken it long ago. We have
capital enough here for everything that
will pa-." With such statements ' men
who would have done important things
for Oregon have continually been sent
away. Political control is also within
its ambition, always; not, of course, for
its own sake, but aa a. means to the
further "promotion of our interests."
The newspaper is part of the scheme;
and It affects Hearstism, also, as a de
vice for fooling the people, and as a
further means to a common end.
This i the fight before the people of
Portland and of Oregon. In the appeal
to the grander jury, which Is to be con
tinued till the people shall have mas
tered an arrogant plutocracy. The Ore
gonian does not doubt that It will find
means of making itself heard, and that
the people will be willing to hear it.
The fight of the people of Oregon
against predatory fortunes and against
the practices by which they are con
tinually augmented Is on. In Oregon, as
elsewhere, and The Oregonian reaches
all the people.
RAILROAD REGULATION BILL.
By the transportation committee of
the Chamber of Commerce of Portland
the first draft of a bill has been sub
mitted, for "an act to regulate com-
merce and common carriers in this
state." It proposes to create a railroad
commission of three persons and to de
fine their duties and powers.. The bill
is said, to be founded on the law of
Wisconsin, with additions from the law
of Texas and of other states.
It is very long, becauee it deals mi
nutJy with a most extensive subject,
and "must therefore contain great mul
tiplicity of details. Merely to define
the scope'of the bill would require great
space. It is to apply to every common
carrier engaged in the transportation of
passengers and property wholly by rail,
or partly by rail and partly by water;
and it enters into minute details as to
switching, storing, transfer, exchange
of business between transportation
lines, regulation of terminal companies
and supply of cars.
Rates are required to be "just and
reasonable"; and the commission is re
quired and directed, upon petition or
complaint as to rates, to hold an inves
tigation, to which the parties are to be
cited. Should the rate or service be
found; in the Judgment of, the commis
sion, to be unreasonable or unjustly
discriminatory, or any service or equip
ment inadequate, the commission is to
fix such rate or reasonable regulation,
practice or service to be imposed, or
equipment to be furnished, as it may
deem proper and juet; and if any rail
road or other party In Interest shall be
dissatisfied with the rates or regula
tions, it may commence an action In
the Circuit Court against the commis
sion as defendant, to vacate or set
aside the order the rate or regulation
meantime to stand.
We suppose this bill, or one embody
ing the main features af this bill, will
pass the Legislature of Oregon the
coming Winter. The public mind, which
will be reflected through the legislative
mind, everywhere is pushing in this di
rection. The movement has reached
Oregon.
WHILE THE LAMP YET BURNS.
To the ordinary citizen, there is al
ways something cheering and instruc
tive about prison statistics. When he
reads of his fellow men who are wear
ing their lives away behind the bans of
our penal institutions, he reflects, "how
much better am I than they; how
thankful I am for the moral principles
administered to me by my mother as
I lay acroas her knee."
According to the Literary Digest, a
recent issue of the North American Re
view contains statistics that "yield In
teresting and suggestive facts." In the
Missouri state prixn there are 1794 con
victs, of whom 1267, or more than two
thirds, profess some sort of religious
belief. Of these 396 are Baptists. At
first glance this looks like a serious re
proach to Baptists; but it is not, be
cause, following along in the list close
behind are 335 Methodists and 312 Cath
olics. ' Then come 120 Christians. It
was not stated how these last differed
from their more numerous and spe
cifically mentioned brethren. The fifth
place is held down by the Presby
terians. Of these there are only forty
eight. In Oregon this would be a re
markable showing, but in Missouri,
where the people are inquisitive and in
credulous, it may merely indicate a
general scarcity of Presbyterians. The
Lutherans occupy an inconspicuous po
sition with a membership of twenty
nine, while the Episcopalians have six
teen. ' Just why the last-named popular
church is so meagerly represented was
not explained. It may be that Episco
palians consider it bad form to be ar
rested, and no doubt it Is well that
those sixteen Episcopalians are where
they are. The rear is brought up in a
dignified manner by six Hebrews and
five Dunkards.
The moral of all this, if any moral
can be deduced, is, be a Unitarian, a
Spiritualist, or even a Seventh-Day Ad
ventist and you will be free. Or is It
possible that these persons all joined
church after they were put in prison?
We have a hoirible suspicion that some
or many of them did; and the figures,
therefore mean only that the Missouri
Baptists believe, more than any other
denomination, that while the lamp holds
out to barn the striped sinner may return.
SQUARING THE CIRCLE.
Persons who have looked Into the his
tory of science a little, know that there
are a few problems which men have
tried for thousands of years to solve
and have never succeeded. Their fail
ure is somewhat of a reproach to the
boasted power of the human intellect.
To have tried so long and accomplished
nothing should put us Into a humble
frame of mind, and doubtless it would,
were it not that we have still more rea
son to be proud of our perseverance.
Does not mankind deserve some credit
for continuing to work at the problem
of squaring the circle, for example, af
ter allNthe thousands and tens of thou
sands who have tried It and failed?
A circle is a round straight line, with
a hole in the middle. At least, so the
school boy defined it in his examina
tion paper, and, while his logic may not
please the sour cynic and the quibbling
pedagogue, it will pass; it will serve.
It is as good as most definitions and
better than many. Blackstone's defini
tion of municipal law will not compare
with It for lucidity. A wagon wheel ij
a very good example of a circle, being
round nd having also the Indispens
able hole in the middle, which shows
where the center is. It has the further
pedagogical advantage that one can
take the circumference off and examine
it af his leisure. In most wagon wheels
the circumference, or tire, is made of
Iron, though modern luxury, consulting
Its einful eaee, has begun to use rubber
for the purpose.
When a wagon is running, which
moves faster, the top of the wheel or
the bottom? We have heard scientists
of high local repute contend that all
parts must move with the same speed,
neither top nor bottom going the faster,
but this is an error. The cold, incred
ible fact is that, even when the horses
are running away, the bottom of each
wheel is perfectly still. It does not
move at all. The point where the drive
wheel of a locomotive touches the track
is always at rest, unless it slides or
slips.
Should one stretch a string from the
bottom of a wheel to the top, ihs length
would be the diameter; and if he should
now wrap this same string on the out
side of the wheel it would not go half
way round; nay, not a third of the way.
After applying the diameter to the cir
cumference three times, there would
still be a small space left. How big a
space? There's the rub. There's the,
consideration that has kept your circle
equarer busy tor 3000 years. What
number expresses the exact ratio be
tween the diameter and the circumfer
ence? Heaven knows, perhaps, but no
body else does. Archimedes, the fine
old scientist of Syracuse, tried his wits
upon it not quite vainly. He found the
approximate value which schoolboys
still use and perhaps he was ciphering
out a better one when the Roman sol
dier came along and killed him. The
great Newton tried his hand at this
elusive ratio and gave a rule for com
puting it. The only fault one can find
with his method is that it never comes
to an end. An enthusiastic circle squar
er might begin ciphering In the cradle
and continue till he was laid at rest
under the flowers in the churchyard and
still he would not have the answer. De
voted German mathematicians have
carried out the ratio between the cir
cumference and diameter to more than
300 decimal figures and still the end Is
not in sight. There are just as many
figures "beyond as if they had not com
puted a single one. The number is like
eternity. No matter how much you cut
off it is as long as ever.
Mathematicians, call this ratio "Pi."
Some say the name is an abbreviation
of "Pie," and refers to the seductive
ness of the problem. Others insist that
it is merely the name of a .Greek letter.
The reader may make his choice be
tween the two theories. The important
point is that a German savant proved
some years ago that PI could never be
found exactly. In other words the cir
cle cannot be squared. This makes not
the slightest difference, however, to the
circle squarers. They continue to at
tack their impossible problem with tire
less zeal and every once in a while one
of them solves it, or thinks he does.
His envious rivals then shut him up in
a madhouse.
Circle-squarers, discoverers of the
perpetual motion and those philosophers
who can prove that the earth is fiat all
belong in a class together.
JETTY APPROPRIATION . IMPERATIVE.
Paramount to all other work in con
nection with an open river is the com
pletion of the Columbia River 'Jetty. A
forty-foot channel from Astoria to the
headwaters of the Snake and Colum
bia Rivers will be of small avail as a
regulator of rates unless there shall be
sufficient depth of water between As
toria and the sea to admit of passage
of large ocean carriers. The Columbia
Basin has been retarded in growth and
development by lack of both river and
rail facilities. The condition of the Co
lumbia River bar, before the jetty
work had reached a stage where it was
showing results, was such that a large
share of the products of certain sec
tions of the Inland Empire was diverted
to Puget Sound. With a perfect under
standing of the situation and a full
knowledge that improveme'nts on the.
Upper and Middle Columbia would be
useless so long as the entrance to the
river was of insufficient depth to ad
mit the uninterrupted passage of large
modern steamships, the Puget Sound
papers for many years urged heavy
appropriations for middle river im
provements, but with strange incon
sistency fought all appropriations for
the mouth of the river.
This policy had the effect of" pleasing
the Eastern Wrashingtoniuns, who were,
of course, anxious to have improve
ment work Instituted on the Upper Co
lumbia, and it also pleased a certain
element on Puget Sound which objected
to any appropriation tending to im
prove the' mouth of the river. Fortu
nately for the commerce of the Colom
bia Basin, there has been a change in
sentiment both in Eastern and West
ern Washington. Investigation has
taught the people east of the Cascade
Mountains that there .will be no ad
vantage In an open river above the
Cascades if the products of the Inland
Empire cannot find a deep-water outlet
at the mouth of the river. Many of the
products of the territory east of the
Cascade Mountains are now being lift
ed over a high range of mountains to
seek a deep-water outlet on Puget
Sound, but with the completion of the
North-Bank Railroad the natural route
for this traffic will be down the Co
lumbia River. This road will be com
pleted within a year, and its advan
tages to Portland and the territory trib
utary are to a great degree dependent
on the condition of the entrance to the
Columbia River.
There is no question as to ' the ulti
mate improvement of the bar below As
toria, as the Government has already
spent a considerable sum on the jetty
project, and ha demonstrated its prac
ticability beyond doubt. It will be a
matter of regret, however, if the project
is not immediately placed under the
continuing contract system, so that
there will be no delay in rushing it to
completion. Washington advices of the
past few days are to the effect that
there will probably be available in the
next river and harbor bill $1,000,000.
with a possibility for the additional
amount needed being carried in the
sundry civil bill. If the amount needed
is obtainable at once, so that the work
can be pushed to completion next year,
the increasing volume of commerce that
will flow down the Columbia River to
its natural outlet will make the open
ing of the upper reaches of the river
an imperative necessity, and will great
ly simplify matters.
There should, of course, be no cessa
tion in the work already begun on the
Upper Columbia iniprovenfente, but an
appropriation sufficient to complete the
work at the mouth of the river at once
should not be jeopardized by asking too
much for projects whose ultimate suc
cess is dependent entirely on a first
class entrance at the mouth of the
river. Without such an entrance, the
money which is expended on river im
provements farther inland is thrown
away. For this reason the fate of the
river and harbor bill at the coming ses
sion of Congress will be watched with
greater interest than any of its prede
cessors. The contract for boring the Chicago.
Milwaukee & St. Paul's big tunnel
through the Rocky Mountains has been
let to Nelson Bennett, the man who
built the Northern Pacific tunnel
through the Cascade Mountains and
hae recently completed the largest irri
gation ditch ever constructed. Mr.
Bennett several years ago made a brief
but unsuccessful sortie into the realm
of politics as a candidate for United
States Senator from Washington, and
was so fortunate as to get enough of
the game at the first attempt. The po
litical field may have been a distinct
loser by the failure of Mr. Bennett to
enter, but hte triumphs In the field of
industrial conquest have been greater
and more lasting than any that were
possible In politics. The West is nota
ble for its "big" industrial undertak
ings, and few, if any, of these have ex
ceeded in proportions the building of
Stampede tunnel and the mammoth
Idaho Irrigation ditch. When there is
included with these great feats the
building of a two-mile tunnel through
the Rocky Mountains and the construc
tion of hundreds of miles of railroad at
different points In the West, the record
of this industrial general becomes all
the more striking. Every admirer of
that pluck and grim determination
which wins success will hope to see Mr.
Beqnett encounter no obstacles in hie
latest important work in aiding a new
railroad to reach the Pacific Slope.
The inadequate pay of Government
employes and the attendant difficulty
in securing the best talent, for Govern
ment service is again brought to mind
by the resignation of Major Gillette.
This talented officer in the Army gave
up a life position, near the head of the
list, to accept one with the City "of
Philadelphia for the term of five years
at an annual salary of J15.000, or more
than three times as much as he was
paid by the Government. There will,
of course, be no shortage In material
from which to promote his successor in
the Army, and it ia equally true that
the City of Philadelphia can secure
plenty of men at much less than $15,000
per year. But the Government will be
unable to secure or retain men of Ma
jor Gillette's talents for the regular sal
ary, and the men that can be obtained
by the City of Philadelphia' for less
money than is paid Major Gillette are
probably worth les3 than the ex-soldier.
The National Grange, now in session
in Denver, stands earnestly for the es
tablishment of a parcels post and for
Federal aid in building good roads. The
Grange represents in these and other
demands nearly a million members. Of
the 1000 to 1500 delegates composing
that body, all do not have votes upon
the questions submitted, but all have a
voice in the discussion of them. The
aim of the organization, briefly stated
by its chairman, is to obtain the re
forms needed in the country and to
give the farmer all that is coming to
him. Worthy objects truly, but the
magnitude of the work cut out is great.
The demand for the farmer of "all that
is coming to him'" is likely to be dic
tated favoritism, and "reform" is
spelled large or small according to the
ideas of individuals. Nevertheless this
great farmers' convention, with its
enormous constituency, is entitled to
and will have a respectful hearing upon
questions that it raises.
Captain Woods, an Astoria bar pilot,
is quoted by Captain Morton, of the
steamship Columbia, as stating that he
had sighted the missing bark Iverna
three times within the past week. If
Captain Woods -was correctly quoted,
or there was nothing wrong with his
vision, Jt seems certain that either the
pilotage or tug service at the mouth of
the river is in need of an overhauling.
If the Iverna came in sufficiently close
to be sighted by a pilot-boat on three
different occasions in one week, some
one is at fault that she was not picked
up and towed in. The experience of
this unfortunate vessel, if she ever
reaches port, will supply plenty of ma
terial for an inquiry which ought to
throw some light on the much-discussed
bar tug and pilotage service.
The death of Mrs. Maude Hurt Cref
field in her prison cell at Seattle is
another closing incident in a chapter
of tragedies resulting from a strange
religious mania. To all appearance
kind Nature stepped in and relieved
blundering man from further responsi
bility as custodian of this erratic, err
ing creature.
The outward, wayward life we see
Its hidden springs we may not know.
Her girlish face appeals to common
humanity in her behalf, even while the
record of her. wayward, troubled life,
written in blood and approved of folly,
is an open page in the criminal annals
of the times. Possibly she died a nat
ural death; more probably she made
her own quietus by some means known
only to herself and a confederate, men
tally unbalanced like herself.
More than 7,000,000 acres have been
added to the Idaho forest reserves this
month, and from the amount of water
that is pouring down to the ocean it is
apparent that the addition of a few
million more might not be a bad thing
for the supply of moisture which will
be in greater demand next Summer
than it is at this time.
Caruso, the great tenor, ran afoul of
the law because he presumed to address
a few honeyed words to a good-looking
woman who happened to be a stranger.
Has it come to this, that a tenor must
be introduced like common people?
The fertile valleys of the Puget
Sound country laid waste by angry
floods is a sight distressing to contem
plate, even in imaginalion. Such a
catastrophe comes but once in a gen
eration, but once is quite enough.
George Ade is now engaged in revis
ing old stories by telling them in twen
tieth century slang. His first product,
"Pocahontas and Captain John Smith,"
will appear in The Sunday Oregonian
one week from today.
Francis J. Heney was married in
Oakland yesterday. It may be hoped
that he will not relax his vigilance in
prosecuting grafters and land thieves
upon the old plea of "having married
a wife." ,
In his certificate of campaign ex
penses Hearst neglected to mention the
vast sums for publicity in his news
papers, which came out of his own
pocket.
If Peary really wants to find the cold
est spot on earth, he may look for it
about midway between Senator Fulton
and Senator La Follette.
Let two nations comfort themselves
with the hope that Count Boni won't
write a book on the failure of marriage.
What would Hearst say of a rich
man who spent a quarter of a million
running for Governor?
The rumor that SenatoV Piatt will re
sign is still busy. Give St time and it
will do the work.
JO.VES Otf THE JAPANESE
"What do I think of our educating
the Japanese in our public schools?" be
gan Jones, in a . loud voice, as he ar
ranged himself comfortably near the
window on the front end of a Broadway
car, one morning last week.
No one had asked Jones anything, but
that did not deter him. By introducing
his own topic of conversation in an
abrupt manner. he frequently got a start
that only an unusually determined talker
could break in on.
Just then, as he was executing his
usual, impressive pause. Jones looked
at Jtmpson. -Jimpson was wrinkling up
his face Into a contortion that he fondly
imagined was a humorous smile.
Jimpson's long suit was dog stories.
He invariably introduced them with a
loud. "Ha! ha!" The "Ha! ha!" had
for its basis the humorous smile men
tioned, which always preceded it. When
Jones saw tiiat smile, he knew that
unless he got in quick, Jimpson would
spend all the rest of the way down town
telling dog stories. Everyone liked Jimp
son's dog, but no one cared for Jimp
son's dog stories. He laughed so long
and boisteriuusly during their progress
that all his hearers wished that it was
Jimpson's dog, instead of Jimpson, who
could talk.
"Well,"' continued Jones hurriedly, "if
you want to know what I think about
it, I can say this much, every son-of-a-gun
of a Jap should be made to stay in
San Francisco six months and be given
free board and lodging, so that he could
learn English before he comes North."
"Doesn't you Jap talk good English?"
inquired the motorman.
"English! Why every time that Jap
takes a fall out of our noble language
lje reminds me of Jimpson's dog'
"Ha! Ha!" ejaculated Jimpson.
"What's the matter, old man." inquired
Jones anxiously, seeing that he made a
mistake.. "Mothcr-in-law sick? No?
Well, that's too bad."
Ha! Ha!" said Simpson again.
"Say, Jimpson. that Isn't your dog fol
lowing the car, is it?" said Jones sud
denly, looking intently through the win
dow. "As I was saying," Jones started
off again after Jimpson had made a
rush for the rear end. "our Jap's a nice,
little fellow, but the way he talks Lng
lish would make a dog laugh "
"Ha! Ha!" This from Jimpson, who
had made a quick return. "Speaking
of dogs laughing that wasn't my dog
following the car speaking of dogs
laughing. I want to tell you of a thing
that my dog did last night. He"
"Yes," said Jones ponderously, ignor
ing Jimpson's interruption, "the way that
dog talks English would make a Jap
lau "
"Ha! Ha!"
"Look here. Jimpson," said Jones
angrily, "if you're going to illustrate my
remarks I wish you would practice up
in private and not make a noise like a
sick sealion. To resume every time the
dog laughs in Japanese that Englishman
barks 1 I er er "
"Last night." began Jimpson on an
other tack, taking advantage of Junes
confusion: "last night I heard Lazarus
in the basement Jones named him
Lazarus, you know. I raised him from
a pup. He was a poor, sick, little fel
low when I got him an and a oh,
yes, I forgot." Last night, I heard
Lazarus in the he-he-ha-ha last night
I heard Laz ha-ha! last "
"Don't hurry yourself, Jimpson," ad
vised Jones. "I'm going to get off at
the bridge, but I've plenty of time."
"Ha! Ha!"
"I guess, Jimpson, you'd better let me
tell that story. In the first place, it
wasn't last night: it was day. before yes
terday. You told it to me at lunch yes
terday; and last night you told It to my
wife. I gained additional details regard
ing that remarkable occurrence when I
heard you telling it to Brown this morn
ing on the way down to the car.
"To be brief, gentlemen, the history
of that astonishing event is as follows:
"As usual, night before last Jimpson's
furnace tire went out. The consequent
drop in temperature was not noticed by
him. It's only a fall in the stock market
that will cause Jimpson to sit up and
take notice. After a while Jtmpson.
hearing a sound in the basement, wended
his way toward those subterranean parts
to ascertain what was t he so-called jocu
lar demonstration that he afterwards as
sumed to have conn; from lizarus.
"You will understand me, gentlemen. I
am not vouching for these facts of Jimp
son's: I am merely repeating them.
"Arriving in the infernal regions, Jimp
son saw Lazarus standing there. Now
Lazarus is quite a clever dog, even If
he does belong to Jimpson. Lazarus was
standing with a stick of wood in his
mouth, one front paw on a copy of last
week's Sunday Bugle, and a domino
match between the toes of the other, be
fore the furnace, trying to get the door
open. Who laughed? Why, Jimpson
laughed and thought it was the dog.
Good morning, gentlemen."
M. B. WELLS.
I
Thnt Sne Prlntery.
Daily Astorian.
To" a "man up. a tree," it looks ae if
Frank C. Baker's generosity (?) in of
fering to turn over to the State of .Ore
gon, at the end of Mr. Duniway's term
of office, four years hence, the printery
and plant now at the Slate House, Ls just
a bit far-fetched. After It has netted
him hundreds of thousands of dollars;
when he has been denied the chance to
make any more out of it: when it has
become old. worn and practically obso
lete; when the probabilities are reason
able that the state will go out of the
business herself and put her printing
out on public contract to the low
est and best bidders: when every
value of a private nature has been
stripped from the outfit, he declares
his purpose to present it to the
state that has paid for it ten times
over. We may be pardoned If we depre
cate the inspiration behind the gift and
express the hope that when the slate
unloads the long-borne burden of this de
partment, yhe will free herself absolutely
by declining the "junk-pile" In gracious
but at the same time peremptory terms.
Another Merger.
"Washington Star.
A little bit of April
An' a little bit o' June;
A little hit o' August
When the day approaches noon
A little bit o' Winter
As the sky gets cold and gray;
A little bit of everything
In one October day:
I.autjhin" wltn the sunshine
And a-tremblin' with the storm,
Complainln' 'cause its chilly now,
And then because it's warm;
It keeps u.s all a-llin' in
A most uncertain stato
An' makes a feller feel Jes' like
A weather syndicate!
Th Grocer's Song.
"Commercially correct." Thus means in effect.
That that i the way we weigh
Our scalf compute In amounts that suit,
Kor that is the way you pay.
Chorus.
Oh! we love those scales. They Increase on
fcalcs.
They add to our pile each day.
They usually delect, and losses correct.
Oh! they are tl.e bos scales to weien-