40
THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN, PORTLAND, OCTOBER 14, 1906.
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THE BOCIAt. SCEPTER of the Unit
ed States Is about to pass from
tha hands thnt have wielded it so
well for the last two decades.
Mrs. William Astor, or as she Tias
always been known, "Mrs. Astor,"
without the "William." has been forced
to end her reign. Her illness, coupled
with her advanced age, is undoubtedly
serious, and tho(rh she may recover
her health In a measure. It cannot be I
expected that at 76 she will have the
vitality to venture upon many more,
if any, social campaigns.
To occupy the place that Mrs. Astor
has held since the death of Mrs. Paran
Stevens, and the passing of Ward Mc
Allister, made her omnipotent, socially,
would tax the powers of a young and
healthy woman.
Mrs. Astor has been wonderful, but
the end has about come. ,
Already they, that is, those who are
in "who's who" in America, are dis
cussing her successor. There are half i
a . dozen candidates, but Mrs. Astor
herself, who certainly should have the
most to say as to her successor, is
said to favor as Jieir to the crown, her
daughter-in-law, the lovely Mrs. John
Jacob Astor, who was Miss Willing, of
Philadelphia.
Possible Candidates.
Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt has many
champions, and when the final selec
tion is made, she must be taken into
the reckoning. The place calls for a
woman of years and experience. The
name Vanderbilt has survived four
generations, and Is a growing power.
The social arbiter must be a woman of
breadth, above selllshness, and under
standing the fine tact of keeping peace
in the midst of trying circumstances.
Mrs. Vanderbilt has the finest house
in New York, and a magnificent "cot
tage" at Newport.
Mrs. Ogden Mills has also been men
tioned, but her pride of ancestry and
hatred of newness would disqualify
MR. DEVERY HAS A SEVERE ATTACK OF TOOTHACHE
And He Tells His Experience With an English Dentist as Found In Rustta Hlghtown.
EDITED BY PERCY UNDOK-HOWARD.
I
T"S much nicer to be lynched than
to go to an English dentist, said
Mr. Devery. Of course lynchin' has
Its disadvantages. It's not what you
might pick out as a holiday pastime,
but it's comparatively nice, when you
figure on the dentist game. To be sure
you can say I'm not speakln' from
actual experience as the star perform
er In a lynchin bee. That's right.
I'm not. But from the few lynchin
parties I've seen, it has the dentist
trick beat to a pulp. A man gets some
show, for his white alley As a rule,
for Instance, they let him have a min
ute to say his prayers. When he
changes his mind later, hufs that much
ahead of the game, an' If he says
things he oughtn't to say, why he's
got a balance on the books that may
give him a look-ln. An English den
tist don't give you no chance for noth
ln". First of all when you go there
you ain't in no prayin mood. You
ain't worryln' over no hereafter. An'
when they hand It to you an' you enter
' the next state shriekin' out your sev
enth volley of Eleventh Avenoo
psalms, you walk right up to Mr. Devil
an" give him the laugh. He's the best
friend you've seen In a week. His
game's easy. In five minutes you're
shoveling coal with positive Joy.
Another thing about the compara
tive pleasure of lynchin'. It's soon
over. There's the stake. Good enough.
We'll admit it's not exactly lnvitin".
But when you think of an English
dentist's chair, you feel as If you could
sob with Joy at a chance to step up to
a few good dry fagota.
A man's In a peculiar position when
he travels. An" of course he's got to
run his chances. If you want to climb
the Alps you've got to run the chance
jof breakla' your neck. If you .want to
rxTOr.y x
3 7
Kl - MWil t . till
attend a French Police Court, you've
got to run the chance of laughln'
yourself to death. An' so it goes. In
Noo York It's got to be somethln"
really serious before you're In abso
lute danger. You've got to have ty
phoid, or appendicitis or try to vote
the Republican ticket in the Nine
teenth Assembly District. But when
you strike England things assumes a dif
ferent aspect. If you lose a leg, that's
all right. If you're took down with ap
pendicitis there, the chances is with you.
The doctors is all to the good. But if
you happen to get the toothache throw
up your hands. Your room mate's asleep
on the couch. All right. He has a
call for 6 A. M. Good enough. Walt till
5:80 o'clock, gather In as much Chrls
tiaa charity as you can, take the bullet
route an' save the bell boy a trip up
stairs.
It's all very well to say: "Don't go
to an English dentist; grin an' bear It."
You can't grin and bear it. If it's one
of them good old-fashioned red hot
needle Jabbers you can't bear it no more
than you can bear to hear John Kendrick
Bangs explain the rules for manufac
ture union humor. The old-fashioned
toothaches is still up to the mark. We've
Improved along all other lines, but not
on toothaches. We've got better rail
roads, better lightin' systems, better
dressln, better styles of llvin', an' so on.
In most everything the modern goods is
the best. But nobody yet's been able to
Improve on the old time toothache. Not
a chance.
My trouble struck me In a place called
Hightown. An' It's a great spot. It's
Just between Liverpool an' nowhere.
There's a street lamp every, two miles.
They don't need no street lamps, they
say, because they've only got one street.
The others Is all lanes. It's one of these
rustic Joints. They got the street lamps
as the result of a political Job. I wouldn't
never have noticed nothln" about the
lamps except that one night I was stand
in' under one tryin' to 'find an ad. In a
paper, when a big husky guy comas up
an' $urns Jt out ,
our 10 uw VmM im
M,4'MlWIMim
"What's the matter with your I says.
"What's doln'7"
"It's 'alf past nine, sir," he says. "The
moon's doo to rise in 10 minutes."
That's the way they work It. Every
time the moon comes up they blow oat
the lamps.
''
I.HUMU.. - II hjii nuujisimi m it UI ,'
if i, - tSSiU
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" 'Ami! IW I'H- irr'fi fi -i fcnfin-1 J; fc
When the old molar begun to Jump I
felt somehow as if I'd be up against It.
At the same time while I didn't expect
no dental college of instruction in High
town, I figured the game couldn't be no
worse than some of these painless leg
pullers we've got in America. What's
NOW," HB SAYS, "HOLD FASTI"
her as leader of a society, which In
a young country must Inevitably be
expanding all the time In order to
properly care for the many newly ar
rived worthies.
Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish would be a
strong candidate but for a lack of the
balance that was the secret of Mrs.
Astor's power.
The younger Mrs. Cornelius Vander
bilt has been forging steadily to the
front, but she has made many enemies.
and would have difficulty to hold an
undivided sway. Mrs. Gerry is too
much attached to the old methods to
be the new arbiter of the present-day
smart set.
This process of elimination reajly
narrows down the conflict to Mrs. Van
derbilt and Mrs. John Jacob Astor.
Mrs. Vanderbilt Is too good-natured
to have any stress over the matter,
and the probabilities are that the next
season will see Mrs. John Jacob Astor
ia the saddle, with Mrs. Vanderbilt
only becoming a factor should the
younger woman fail to prove the per
son to hold the 40 together.
Not Equal to Her Mother-in-Jjaw.
Primarily, Mrs. John Jacob Astor
will be the leader of New York's so
ciety. It can hardly be expected that
she will ever become the National fig
ure her mother-in-law was.
The time for that is passing. Two
decades ago the money of the United
States was virtually confined to New
York, and in the metropolis was
found the only society that took on a
National complexion.
But Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago,
Baltimore and a number of other cities
both East and West have all waxed
jealous of New York social supremacy,
and are setting up their own aocial
fabrics as quite as worthy of recogni
tion as New York's.
These were content to accept Mrs.
Astor as arbiter, for her abilities were
so great, and her reign so fair, that it
was felt she deserved all the homage
paid her.
But that they would follow In the
lead of young Mrs. Astor is indeed a
matter for grave question.
Moreover, there is a growing belief
more, I wasn't In no way to do much
speculatin. The flllln' had come out an'
the two-step had started. So I asks the
landlord if there was a dentist In the
burg.
"Yes," he says; "there's one round the
corner. What's the matter, have you got
the toothache?"
"No," I says; "of course not. I'm Just
goln' to the dentist to be measured for a
suit of clothes."
Do you suppose the guy see what I was
drivin at 7 Fade away.
"He don't make clothes, sir," he says.
"All he does outside of tootb-pullln' is
shoein' horses."
With that he starts to put on his coat.
Then he puts on a muffler an'
a pair of
heavy boots.
"I'll show you where It is," he says.
"I'll find It," I says. "Just round the
corner, alnt it?"
"Yes," he says; "but we'd better, go
along. You won't know the place."
By that time I see another guy prepar
in" for a Journey.
"If you're goin' past Yanks," ho says,
"I'll walk that far with you."
"Will I need a lantern?" says the land
lord to the other guy.
"No," says his nibs. "Moon's up."
With that the landlord puts on his overcoat.
mffiwrw
Perhaps Her Daughter -
Jacob Astor, Will
o'
among Americans that the wife of the
President of the United States, as the
first lady of the land, is the proper cus
todian for the social laws of the Re-
These contend that It is only the ne
cessities of polite and cultivated. Inter
course with foreign nations that make
the need for a national society, and un
der these conditions, the wife of the
chosen head of the country has a bet
ter right to the title than anyone else.
The present first lady of the land has
been educated In society, and holding the
view that she had a course of . duty
marked out, has wielded a marked Influ
ence on the social life of the capital. It
is not out of question that the passing
of Mrs. Astor may make Mrs. Theodore
Roosevelt; as long as her husband rer
mains In office, the head of American so
ciety. No matter on whom the choice may
fall, she has her work cut out to equal
the record of Mrs. Astor. She seemed
to be made for the place and discharged
Its functions with an assurance that made
them appear easy.
With almost unlimited wealth at her
command, entertaining hag been the joy
of her long and happy life, and the grand
dame maner was instinct with her. She
liked nothing so well as receiving the elite
of the United States. Her social set was
never confined to local limits, she drew
from all cities, besides entertaining hun
dreds of distinguished foreigners beneath
the superb portrait of herself that Carolus
Duran painted a generation ago.
A Gentle Autocrat.
Mrs. Astor was an autocrat, but she
wore her powers gently. She came to
the place perfectly equipped with wealth,
a stainless name and ripe Judgment, and
until the first breakdown a year ago,
her powers seemed to grow with the pas
sage1 of time, as good wine ripens with
age.
An invitation from her was regarded
the world round as a passport of so
cial position. Her frown cast man or
woman into the outer darkness. Yet she
never abused her authority, and exerted
it only with the honest aim of confin
ing society to those who had the proper
qualifications.
Diplomats of foreign countries or
princes of the blood found It the part of
wisdom before starting on a tour of the
United States to get letters of introduc
tion to this little dark-haired woman,
and those who neglected this bit of wis
dom found their standing in the new
"You won't need no snowshoes, will
you?" I says.
"No," he says; not now. We don't have
none of them fancy things in Hlghtown.
With that we make a start down Main
street. An' we hoof it four miles before
we sight a house in the oftin.'
"I thought you said it was round the
corner?" I sa-ld at last.
"It is," says the landlord. "We made
the turn almost as soon as we got out
of the house."
Of course there wasn't no use of gettin'
sarcastic, so I lets It go at that. More
over I wasn't In no humor to do much
talkln'. The tooth was Jumpln' to beat
the band. I sit down four times by a
hedge before we lanaea, tryin io stop
the pain, but there wasn't noinin- to it.
Every two minutes it would give a
twinge that would make the top of my
head life up.
"It's too bad," remarked the guy that
was with us the first time I stopped.
"If you'd thought of it before we left,
you could have filled It with some soap.
Soap would hav drew it good."
If the nerve hadn't give a twitch at
tfcat minute I'd have fell on him an' beat
him to death.
Well, I finally blows In to Yanks. It
Just goes to show how little we know
what we're wishln' for. I was glad when
I heard he was in.
"Mr. Yanks," I says, "I'm havln' a
hard time with this tooth. Fix it up
quick an' see If I can't get some ease.
The flllin's out."
"Sit down," he says, "an let me look
at it. Vicious things, them flllin's."
Well, I planks down in the chair an'
opens my cavern. I was groanln' like a
cow. an' every minute it was gettin'
worse. The guy looks the mouth over on
one side, then he jabs my head over an'
looks at the other side. After that he
pauses a bit.
"Georgie," I says finally, "this ain't no
social function. This dam thing's near
klllin' me. Get a move on."
"Yes." he says, "of course. Very
painful. We'll look over the top row
now."
With that I opens the trap again an'
lot in some more cold air. In about three
minutes more he pauses again.
"H'm. Ha." he says. "Now we can
get to work. Which tooth Is It that
aches?"
I gave a leap to paste him one as soon
as he sprang this, but I figured I'd better
wait. So I sits back for a minute an"
finally points out the tooth.
"Yes, yes," he says, "I think I see.
Wait Just a minute."
With that he picks up a toothpick, puts
the end in the hole an' gives It a rap
with a hammer.
"Is that the oneT" he says an with
that he gives it another rap. I near shot
through the roof.
"Let up," I hollers, "let up. I'm not
goin' to stand for no game like that."
Why I didn't soak the guy, I don't
know.
"The nerve's exposed, he says. "That's
why It hurt."
"I'll tell you, Yanks," I says finally I
was growing desperate"! joaljy- ain't In
in - Law, Mrs. John
Supplant Her.
world very doubtful Indeed.' If Mrs.
Astor vouched for a man he needed noth
ing else. If she held off, then he had
indeed a thorny social path to tread.
In tastes she was as simple and demo
cratic as her functions were exclusive
and elaborate. Her guests might dine
off the renowned Astor gold plate. An
ordinary set of -ery plain china was good
enough for her own private meals, and
the food she ate was of the plainest.
When In occasional Instances she glad
dened the heart of some hostess by ac
cepting an invitation to dinner, she never
ate. Her own simple repast had been
de-oured before she left home. During
the meal she would tactfully cover up
the fact that she was not partaking of
the elaborate dishes. It was to this care
ful protection of her digestion that Mrs.
Astor attributed her long lease of good
health.
At the opera Mrs. Astor was always
the most talked-of woman present. Yet
she was always attired in good taste, and
no one ever entered less unostentatious
ly. There was none of the grandstand
play that lesser lights think Inseparable
from a proper impression. Mrs. Astor
always arrived at 9 o'clock, but she never
took her place in the "horse shoe" while
the lights were turned up. She would
always wait till the opera was on, and
then quietly take her place.
But the news always went through the
auditorium like a galvanic shock:
"Mrs. Astor has Just come in."
Then was turned her way every glass,
both of the friends who moved In her
set and the unfortunates, who failing of
her smile, were forced to eat out their
social hearts In the outer darkness.
Mrs. Astor's dislike of display always
made her frown on the automobile; In
fact, she rarely used a carriage for going
about in the daytime, only having re
course to her horses when elaborate
gowning for some function made walking
out of question.
She never stooped to cheap attractions
for her entertainments. People were ex
pected to come to her dinners and balls
because she bade them, not in the ex
pectation of being amused by ragtime or
the antics of hired comedians, or clowns
In private life.
Without being cold and repelling all
her affairs were most formal, but they
had dignity that did much to elevate the
general tone of America's best society.
Perhaps no woman will ever be found
to take her place, and the social author
ity of Uncle Sam's realm may have to
be divided among half a doen
terested In the details of the game. An'
jest what's the science of this toothache
don't out no figure at all with me. But
for the Lord's sake, get at It. Let me
get a little ease. You can do your demon
stration In spellblndin' stunt a little
later."
"It'll be two shillings," he says. An
he spoke it as If there was likely to be
a panic on Wall street.
"Make It four," I says, "but get busy.
With that he announces that the tooth's
got to come out. Of course, there wasn't
no excuse for the tooth comln' out. But
It had to, Just the same. There wasn't
nothln" In arguyln' with that guy. An'
I was dyln' for a minute's rest from the
pain. Well, hegets a hook on it. He
didn't use pincers. Hooks for him.
"This," he says, "is a key. What
ever it gets hold of's got to come."
An' with that he starts to pull. Talk
about one guy slngin' out your eye
balls while another', purln hot lead
into your brains. There's nothln' to It.
He gets hold of my head an' yanks till
I thought I'd die. Finally he gets a
brace with his knee on the chair,
gives a last wild pull an' roars out:
"Hold fast." I thought I was on a
Broadway streetcar, nly under It. An'
the tooth didn't come at that. He
plucks a couple of tufts of my hair
out with the next pull an' then it
didn't come. After that he lets up. As
for me, I was shriekin' in agony.
"It's very tryin'," he says, "very try
In.' You'd better rest awhile."
"Rest nothin'." 1 says. "Get it out,
an' get at It or you an' me'U have a
set-to here an" now." I couldn't stand
it no longer. I could see I'd threw a
scare into him. But in a second he gets
a -glisten in his eye an' he comes at
me again. He grabs me by the hair an'
pulls out enough of my wool to stuff
a mattress, an' the way he had hold of
that tooth made the hair game a sooth
in' Joy. I tries to wriggle an' twist,
but he had the grip on me. I thought
he was searln' my brains out. Finally
he gets the hook right round the top
of the tooth, where the nerve was, an'
roars out: "Now, now; keep quiet.
Now It's' comln'." With that he gets
his foot lodged on my stomach an'
gives a last grand lurch. Just what
happened I don't quite know, because
I couldn't see how it was done, but in
a minute or two when I come to I see
a mixture of hair, dentist, chairs, saws,
hammers,plncers, an' various other
things, with his nibs risin' out of the
deebris.
"Yank," I says, "I'll see you tomor
row." I made up my mind to let him
have his if I done time for It. An'
what do you suppose "he says. He's
got half the tooth out, an' if I'm an
honorable man I'll pay him at least
half the price. He wants his shlllln.
"If you- was moved by the proper
spirit," he says, "you'd pay it all. It's
not my fault If you have a Jaw like a
cart horse."
Levi V. Morton, ex-Vice-President of the
TTnited States, Im more than 80 years old,
but Is still ae active as at the ace of 50.
He gives cloee attention to- his tnultltudl
.nous flnanolal, affairs,