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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (June 24, 1906)
43 ao i?Eo qD"Dq co 'GDa S(3DGSk1? DD Dp o a a o a 030 DO Sift 5 BO 5 D 8 fty a a o a a 8 S CD CO SI DD 3EJ- wDdod0 si nntisiCD "(FOs wosf ' cddqdcsDq DBDs si g epodcbcsd0 QatD0 DDDPDDDgooaoaoDaaDao' isus7 cgow, si aBaMnoo (P0dDI)8w Py"8K7 ? r "Gib (D)Q00otIDJ7oooo laooQccoaaaoa THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN,, PORTLAND, JUNE 24,-1906. TOE 4P - MEW By George Ade (Copyright. 1906. by Georga Ada.) o N the morning of our hurried pack-up and get away from Luxor we lost Mr. Peasley. It was a half-hour before the sailing of the boat and we were attempting to lock trunks, call in the porters, give directions as to forwarding mail and tip everybody except the proprietor all at the ame time. This excruciating crisis comes with every departure. The fear of missing the boat, the lurking suspicion that several articles have been left in lower drawers or under the sofa, the dread of overlooking some worthy menial who is entitled to baksheesh, the uneasy conviction that the bill contains several overcharges all these combine to produce a mental condition about half, way between plain "rattles" and female hysteria. And then, to add to the horror of the situation, Mr. Peasley had disap peared. All hands were needed one -to boss the posters, another to round up the tippees, another to audit the charges for "extras," another to make a final search for razor strops and hot water bags (of which we had left a trail from Chicago .to Cairo). Instead of attending to these really important duties we were loping madly about the hotel looking for Peasley. We asked one another why we had in vited him to join the party. We called him all the names that we had in vented on the trip to fit his unusual personality. One of these was a "flat-headed fush." I don't know what a "fush" is, but the more you study it and repeat it over to your self the more horrible becomes the full significance of the word. Also we called him a "swozzie," which means a chump who has gone on and on, ex ploring the furthermost regions of idiocy, until even his most daring companions are left far behind. We called Mr. Feasley a "wall-eyed spingo," the latter being a mullet that has lost all sense of shame. Ordinary abuse and profanity became weak and ineffective when pitted against words of this scathing nature. Reader, if you have a life-long friend and you feel reasonably sflre that you never could quarrel with him or be out of patience with him or find fault with any of his small peculiarities, go on a long trip with him in foreign lands. You will be together so much of the time that finally each will begin to hate the sight of the other. There will come off days fraught with petty annoy ances, when each will have a fretful desire to hurl cameras and suit cases at his beloved playmate. Suppose your lifelong friend has some little eccentricity of manner or speech, some slight irregularity of behavior at the table or a perverted nd stubborn conviction which reveals itself in every controversy. You may have overlooked this defect for years be cause you met him only at intervals, but when you begin to camp with him you discover every one of his shining faults. And how they do get on your nerves! Next to matrimony, perhaps, iKl-w-- ?S J...,; texZZZt&4? -r Ht WAS NOT IIWMrr 5 If JLZSKt ,--. mu m v mm. traveling together is the most severe test of compatibility. We liked Mr. Peasley. Looking back over the trip, we can well be lieve that the expedition would have been rather tame if deprived of his cheering presence. But he was so full of initiative and so given to discov ering byways of adventure that he was always breaking in on the pro gramme and starting little excursions of his own. lie was a very hard man to mobilize. If we had solemnly agreed to get together for luncheon at 1 o'clock, three of us would be wait ing at the food garage while Mr. Peasley would be a mile away, trying to buy a four-dollar Abyssinian war shield for $2.75. " , ' And where do you suppose he was on the morning Ve were making our frenzied departure from Luxor? We found him in the barber shop, having his hair cut. A native stood along side of him brushing away the flies. The barber, a curly Italian, had ceased work when we came in, and, encouraged by the questions of Mr. Pe'asley, was describing the Bay pt Naples, pointing out Capri. Sorento, Vesuve and other points of interest, with a comb in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. This barber had made an indellible impression on Mr. Peasley, because of his name, which was Signor Mosquito. Mr. Peasley said he didn't see how any one with a name like that could live. We lined up in front of Mr. Peas ley and gazed at him in withering silence. He was not feazed. "Talk about Oriental luxury," he said. "Little did I think 20 years ago, when I was measurin' unbleached muslin and draw-in' New Orleens syr up in a country store, that one day I'd recline on a spotted divan and have a private vassal to keep the flies off of me. To say nothin' of bein' waited on by Signor Mosquito." I tried to hold down the safety valve of my wrath. "We have just held a meeting and by unanimous vote we have decided that you are an irresponsible fush, a night-blooming swozzie and a vitri fied spingo," I said. "Thanks," he replied. "I'll do as much for you sometime." "Are you aware of the fact that the boat departs in 20 minutes J" asked No. 2. "The boat will not leave its moor ing until Peasley of Iowa is safely aboard," he replied. "Why is it that you fellows begin to throw duck fits every time we have, to catch a boat or train? Kindly send my luggage aboard, and as soon as Signor Mos quito has concluded his amputations I shall join you." Words failed us. We hurried to the boat, feeling reasonably certain that he would follow us to Assouan by rail. When it came time to cast off, Mr. Peasley had not appeared, and our irritation was gradually soften ing into a deep joy. The warning whistle blew twic, and then Mr. Peasley came down the bank carry ing a Nubian spear eight feet long over his shoulder. By the time he had arrived on the upper deck the gangplank was drawn and we were swinging in the current. He bestowed on us a cool smile of war rut i 1 M'r r;'. .'.hi. M. - Will ' ' y ; - -1 rw TKAZ.E.D Mr. Peasley and His Final Size-Up of Egypt triumph and then removed his hat. His hair had been given a shellac finish and -smelled like the front of a drugstore. "Signor Mosquito is well named," said Mi-. Peasley. "When he got through with me he stung me for 15 piasters." , For several hours we refused to speak to him or sit near him on deck, but finally we needed him to fill out a 400-handed game of dominoes and he was taken back on probationf While we were engaged in a very stubborn session of "double nines" we no ticed that most of our fellow pas sengers, and especially those of Eng lish persuasion, were making, our little group the target for horrified glances. Some of them actually glared at us. We began to wonder if dominoes was regarded as an immoral practice in Egypt. "These people keep on looking at us as if we were a happy band of burglars," said M. Peaslev. "We think we are traveling incog, but our reputation has preceded us." 1 Then we heard one' old lady ask another if there would be any even- ing services ini the dining saloon, and Mr. Peasley, who was reaching into the "bone yard," suddenly paused with his hand up and exclaimed: "Sanctified catfish! Boys, it's Sun day!" ' It was. We had been sitting there among those nice people througboat the calm Sabbath afternoon playing a wicked game of "draughts." After two weeks among the Mohammedans and other heathen, with every day a working day and the English Sunday a dead letter, we had lost all trace of dates. Mr. Peasley said that if any one had asked him th.e day of the week he would have guessed Wednes day. v This unfortunate incident helped to deepen and solidify the dark sus picion with which we, as Americans, were regarded by the contingent from Great Britain. If our conduct had been exemplary we could not have cleared away this suspicion, but after the domino debauch we were set down as" hopeless. The middle class Eng lish guard their social status very carefully, and you can't blame them. It is a-tender and uncertain growth that requires looking after all the time. If they didn't water it and prune it and set it out in the sunshine every day it would soon wither back to its original stalk. Did you ever come across a bunch , of melancholy pilgrims from the sub urban villas and the dull gray pror vincial towns of dear old England? Did you ever observe the frightened i manner in which they hold aloof from" Germany, Americans, Bedouins, Turks and other foreigners? They fear that if they drift into friendly relation ship with people they meet while traveling, later on some of these chance acquaintances may look them up at Birmingham or Stoke-on-Trent and expect to be entertained at the foundry. A large majority of our fellow pas sengers, from Luxor to Assouan were of elderly pattern. We estimated the average age to be about 83. Mr. Peasley said an irreverent thing about these venerable tourists. "Why do these people come all the way to Egypt to look at the ruins?" he asked. "Why don't they stay at home and look at one another?" We rebuked him for saying it, but somehow or other these rebukes never seemed tQ have any permanent restraining effect. Our boat arrived at Assouan one morning accompanied by a sand storm and a cold wave. The Cataract Hotel stood on . a promontory over looking a new kind of Nile a swift and narrow- stream studded with gleaming bowlders of granite. We liked Assouan because the weather was ideal (after the sand storm ran out of sand), the hotel was the best we had found in Egypt and there were so few antiques that sightseeing became a pleasure. Besides, after one has been to Luxor anything in the way of ancient temples is about as much of a comedown as turkey hash the day after Thanksgiving. Here, on the border of Nubia, we began to get glimpses of real Africa. We rode on camels to a desert camp of hilarious Bisharins. They are the gypsies of Nubia dress their hair with mud instead of bay rum and re side under a patch of gunnysack propped up by two sticks. On the hills back of the town we saw the barracks where the English army gathered itself to move south against the Mahdists. We were inviteu to go out in the moonlight aria Hunt hyenas, but did. not think it right to kill off all the native game. The big exhibit at Assouan and one of the great engineering achievements of modern times is the dam across the Nile. It is a solid wall of granite, a mile and a quarter long, 100 feet high in places and 88 feet through the base, and it looks larger than it sounds. We went across it on a push car after taking a boat ride into the reservoir basin, which is said to contain 234,000,000 ga!lons,.of water. This estimate is correct as nearly as we could figure it. The dam is about four miles above the town. We rode up on a dummy train, with cars al most as large as Saratoga trunks, and came back in a small boat. We shot the rapids, just for excitement, and after we had caved in the bottom of the boat and stopped an hour for re pairs we decided that we had stored tip enough excitement, so after that we followed the more placid waters. The black boatmen had a weird chant, which they repeated over and over, keeping time with the stroke. It was a combination, of Egyptian melody arid American college yell, and ran as follows : . Hep! Hep! Hooray! Hep! Hep! Hooray! Hep ! Hep ! Hooray ! All right!' Thank you! This effort represented their sum total of English, and they were very proud of it, and we liked it, too that is, the first million times. After that the charm of novelty was largely dissipated. Many people visit Assouan on ac count of the kiln-dried atmosphere, which is supposed to have a discour aging effect on rheumatism and other J ailments that flourish in a damp climate. Assouan is as dry as Pitts burg on Sunday. It is surrounded by desert, and the sun always seems to be working overtime. The traveler who does much - rambling out of doors gradually assumes the brown and papery complexion of a royal mummy, his lips become parched and flaky, and he feels like a grocery store herring, which, it is believed, is about the driest thing on record. We did love Assouan. Coming back from a camel ride, with a choppy sea on, gazing through the heat waves at the tufted palms and the shimmering white walls, we would know that there was ice only a mile ahead of us, and then our love for Assouan would become too deep for words. Burton Holmes, the eminent lec turer and travelogue specialist, was lying up at Assouan, having a tire some argument with the germ that invented malaria. He had come up the Nile in a deep-draught boat and had succeeded in finding many sand bars that other voyagers had over looked. Just below Assouan the boat wedged itself into the mud and could not be floated until 30 natives sum moned from the surrounding country, had waded . underneath and "boost ed" -all afternoon. When it came time , to pay the men the captain of the boat said to Mr. Holmes "What do you think? They demand eight shillings." "It is an outrage," said Mr., T ..... . ..- ...... f I a....... . 1 Holmes. '"Eight shillings is two dollars. Even in America I can get union labor for two dollars a day. There are 30 of them. Couldn't we compromise for a lump sum of $50?" "You do not understand," said the captain. "We are asked to pay eight Shillings for the whole crowd. I think that six would be enough." Whereupon Mr. Holmes gave them ten shillings, or 8 1-3 cents each, and as he sailed away the grateful as semblage gave three rousing, cheers for Mr. Rockefeller. . When we left Assouan we scooted by rail" direct to Cairo, and in a few days w-ere headed for home, by way of Italy, France and England, all of them seeming painfully modern after our sojourn in Egypt. It is customary in winding up a series of letters to draw certain pro found conclusions and give hints to travelers who may hope to follow the same beaten path. Fortunately, Mr. Peasley had done this for us. He promised a real estate agent in Fair field, Iowa, that he would let him know about Egypt. One night in As souan he read to us the letter to his friend, and we borrowed it: "Assouan, Some time in April. "Deloss M. Gifford, Fairfield, Ioway U. S. A. "My Dear Giff: I have gone as far up the Nile as my time and the letter of credit will permit. At 8 G. M. to morrow I turn my face toward the only country on earth where a man can get a steak that hasn't got goo poured all over it. Meet me at the station with a pie. Tell mother I am coming home to eat. "Do I like Egypt? Yes because now I will be satisfied with Iowa. Only I'm afraid that when I go back and see 160 acres of corn in one field I wont believe it. Egypt i3 a wonderful country, but very small for its age. It is about as wide as the Courthouse square, but it seemed to me at least 10,000 miles long, as we have been two weeks getting up to the First Cataract. Most of the natives are farmers. The hard-working ten ant gets one-tenth of the crop every year and if he looks up to see the steamboats go by be is docked. AH YOU DISCOVER. EVC1K OKt &W-h Aim m Egyptians who are not farmers are robbers. The farmers live on the river. All other natives live on the tourist. "I have seen so many tombs and crj'pts and family vaults that I ara ashamed to loolc an undertaker in the face. For three weeks 1 have tried to let on to pretend to make a bluff at being deeply interested in these open graves. Other people gushed about them and I was afraid that if I didn't trail along and show some sentimental interest, they might sus pect that I was from Iowa and was shy on soulfulness. I'll say this much, however, I'm mighty glad I've seen them because now I'll never have to look at them again. "Egypt is something like the old settlei" you'd like to roast him and call him down, but you hate to jump on anything so venerable and weak. Egypt is so old that you get the head ache trying to think back. Egypt had gone through 40 changes of adminis tration and was on the down-grada before Iowa was staked out. "The principal products of this country are insects, dusts, guides an fake curios. I got my share of each. I am glad I came, and I may want to return some day, but not until I have worked the sand out of my ears and! taken in two or three county fairs. I have been walking down the main aisle with my hat in my hand so lonjj that nofr I am ready for something lively. "Americans are popular in Egypt during business hours. Have not beert showered with social attentions, but I am always comforted by the thought that the exclusive foreign set cannot say anything about me that I haven't already said about it. Of course, we could retaliate in proper fashion if we could lure the foreigners out to Iowa, but that seems out of the question. They think Iowa is in South America. "I shall mail this letter and theu chase it all the way home. "Give my love to everybody, whether I know them or not. Yours, "PEASLEY. "P. S. Open some preserves." Not a' comprehensive review of the fruits of our journey and yet fairly accurate. (The End.) ' OT 1U3 .SMIMUTO FMUUE3
