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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View This Issue
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PORTLAND, SUNDAY. AUGUST 27, 1005.
IS HISTORY A SCIENCE?
The psalmist said in his haste, "All
men are liars." The experienced exami
ner of witnesses in court confirms the
cynicism of the sacred singer, not in
his haste, but after serious reflection.
That no two men who have seen the
same object or event will describe it
without contradicting each other is a
commonplace remark among lawyers.
Not that they mean always to lie, al
though even.tb.at extreme case is by no
means rare, but what one really and
fuly seey feels and hears is never
i"-kat- really happens, but what he
hopes or dreads may happen; or, if the
observer is quite dispassionate, never
theless. the idiosyncrasies of his sense
organs, with their multiplied defects
and Illusions, will make ms report jar
with the truth.
Hume was right when he said it was
a.ways more likely that the witness lied
in a given case than that the chain of
cause and effect had been broken, but
liis remark was unnecessarily lacking
In amenity; he might have made his
point just as well had he put it that
the balance of probability was always
on the side of Illusion or self-deception.
His blow at miracles would have been
quite as telling; his disparagement of
human nature less severe. It Is bad
enough that we cannot tell the truth,
let us not emphasize the unhappy cases
i hen we Will not.
The observers whom a skillful presti
llgltator mystifies and delights would
be obliged, if they trusted their sense,
to assert that solid Iron rings could be
passed through one another's sub
stance, that objects could be annihilat
ed and created at the magician's pleas
ure, and that he could suspend the
action of gravity or reverse it. But the
Insistent teaching of science has so per
meated the modern mind that we reso
lutely distrust our senses, or most of
us do, whenever their reports contra
dict what we call the laws of Nature;
though this common distrust is a very
recent thing in history. Not so very
long ago It was confined to minds rare
and gifted, like Spinoza's or Bacon's,
and It is far from universal now. Who
has not half-believed in supernatural
interventions between cause and effect
at the seance of some Ingenious "me
dium"? Bacon laid down many rules to guide
the reason in its search for truth among
the thronging mistakes of the senses
and the false Inferences which we con
tinually draw even from accurate ob
servation. These false Inferences are
more numerous than the actual mis
reports of sight and hearing, and it Is
while men are drawing them that pas
sion strikes in to mislead and pervert.
Science is based on doubt of sense
reports and especially of the Inductions
which the naive intelligence Is prone to
draw from them. Nevertheless, the
truth or falsehood of its great hypothe
sis must be tested by precisely these
reports and inductions; and just as
lawyers extract the truth from an en
tang'ement of contradictions by elimi
yj -bating the irrelevant and the trivial un
til they have reached a single clear.
categorical statement which one side
asserts and the other denies, so science
will make the fate of a theory hang
upon some unique and simple observa
tion, like reading a scale, where error
Is almost out of the question. The con
elusions of astronomy, which deals with
vast stretches of space and time and
phenomena of tremendous grandeur,
depend for the most part upon observed
facts of the simplest kind. The new
science of earthquakes, seismology, to
which Japan has contributed so much.
Illustrates the profound distrust of men
seeking exact knowledge for what they
see and hear. Its progress has con
sisted almost entirely in the invention
of Instruments to register phenomena
automatically. The human factor, the
personal equation, Is eliminated so far
as it may be.
But even in the exact sciences of ob
servation, in physics and chemistry
say, the human element remains to
illude and Ivltlate apparent truth. In an
the data of history, the human element
predominates. The phenomena from
which historical conclusions are drawn
never have been and never can be reg
istered by automatic instruments. The
reports which -we have of them must
always be those of human witnesses,
unreliable at best, and in this case
doubly so, partly because they are gen
erally untrained observers, and partly
on account of the infinitely complex
phenomena which they attempt to de
scribe. History, which deals, with phe
nomena more varied and involved than
any other branch of knowledge. Is the
only one which is entirely destitute of
instruments of exact record.
Even -psychology has an advantage
here over history. An attempt to an
swer this might be made by citing
coins, inscriptions and implements,
which are in themselves. It is said, un
impeachable witnesses to what they
record. They prove their own existence.
Beyond that they are neither better
nor worse than other documents and
sources of knowledge. Behind them
is the motive, always dubious, which
It is the aspiration and the despair of
history to reveaf.
For, to be a science, history must
present a chain of cause and effect;
not merely such a chain as might
have been, but such as actually was.
And this, in human affairs, is a chain
of motives. "No nation and no Indi
vidual," says Emil Reich, "knows the
motives of his own conduct." How
then is the historian to know those of
diverse multitudes In distant times, es
pecially when we remember that not
only were they themselves Ignorant of
what Impelled them to action but that.
in many cases, they were at great pains
to conceal what they imagine to be
their reasons and purposes? He may
know and report facts with more or
less approximation to truth. The chain
of causes which would unite those facts
Into a science will generaly elude him.
THE PARTY OF SIX.
Judge Cameron was shocked! Well
he might have been. The emotions of
a. sedate spider whose web has en
tangled a hornet were nothing to his
when the police marched those six aris
tocratic offenders into his court. His
one desire, like the Irishman's who had
caught the bull by the tail, was for
somebody to help him let go. And who
so ready to help let go of this com
posite bull, a six-headed animal, in
fact, as his worship the Mayor? Dr.
Lane was elected on a platform of rig
orous enforcement of the law; but what
is the law between Democrats? - The
law is made" for minnows, not whales.
One shudders involuntarily at the
rude Impudence of the police in dis
turbing the recreation of this dis
tinguished party of six. Gambling is
a low vice, of course, when practised
by a lumber jack In a saloon, but
gambling by A. S. Bennett and his
Democratic friends in a hotel parlor is
a very different matter. Under such
circumstances it may not be exactly
a religious exercise, but certainly it
savors of moral sublimity. It argues
a frivolous mind in Mayor Lane to look
upon this indiscretion of the police as
a joke. "A good joke" Is -what His
Honor styled this invasion of the sawed
privacy of the six Democratic states
men at their gambols. We take the
matter more seriously. What is the
country coming to when ruffianly de
tectives dare to treat such men as Mr.
Bennett and Mr. Matlock, caught law
breaking, with the same ignominious
rudeness as they would a common of
fender? To be sure the wrong was partially
repaired by the Instant discharge of
the distinguished Innocents and the
miraculous forrretfulness of their
names, but this is not sufficient. Nor
will it be sufficient merely to punish
the detectives who made the arrest.
We suggest that the city of Portland,
In token of humiliation and penitence
for this grave blunder of its officials,
erect a six-headed statue of Mr. Ben
nett and his Injured friends upon some
appropriate spot in Sullivan's Gulch.
THE PRESIDENT A PEACEMAKER.
Among the cartoons of the day Is one
that represents President Roosevelt sit
ting in the seat of judgment, in the
courtroom, sternly addressing the Jury
(of the peace conference), who had come
In to report that they had been un
able to agree on a verdict. "Gentle
men," said he, severely, "back to your
Jury-room till you can agree!"
In no part of his career has Theodore
Roosevelt been a more interesting man
than in his relations to this peace con
ference, and In none so Important. He
it was, alone, who brought It about; he
alone prevented the dissolution of it,, a
week ago, and every day since. The
commissioners of the two nations came
soon to a blank stop. They could not
agree, and repeatedly have been on the
point of final separation. To avert such
consequence President Roosevelt has
called them into conference- with him
self, first the representatives of one of
the belligerent nations and then .the
other; and he has sent cable messages
to the governments at SL Petersburg
and Tokio, proposing to each side new
features of conciliation and adjustment
suggesting modification or abatement
here and concession there.
Thus, he has kept the peace confer
ence In existence for an entire week
or more. Refusing to believe that the
two nations could not come to terms of
peace, he has done one of the rarest
things In the -history of diplomacy.
Should peace be made at last It will
have been effected through him.
There still remains some reason to
believe, or at least to hope, that agree
ment may be reached. Continuance of
the conference. Its prolongation after
so many announcements, apparently
decisive, that there could be no accom
modation, leaves still some quantity of
hope, if not of confidence. Japan's
conditions undoubtedly have been
heavy. Russia could scarcely be ex
pected virtually to give up her Pacific
empire and pay heavy Indemnity be
sides. With Russia the indemnity is
the sticking point. It hurts her pride.
Already her Pacific empire Is as good
as lost. Port Arthur and the Llaotang
peninsula Japan has taken and will
keep; after a series of the bloodiest
battles of a century she occupied Muk
den, the capital Sf Manchuria; she has
taken Sakhalin, and Russia, powerless
at sea, cannot retake It.
If the war shall ,go on, Vladivostok
also will be lost, and with It will go
Russia's last hope of saving anything
worth keeping on the Pacific Coast.
Russia therefore should be, and doubt
less Is, anxious to make peace now; but
she revolts from the woid Indemnity
or the thought of It. But so anxious
is Japan to secure her safe future that
she insists on making the most of her
present advantages. Possibly she maj'
be persuaded to forego the Indemnity
sle has claimed. It remains appar
ently the only hope of peace.
ut was objected last year wbenj
Eresldent Roosevelt was a 'candidate,
that his delight was war. His record
for peace may stand against this ac
NEW METHODIST HYMNAL.
The new hymnal of the Methodist
Episcopal Church North and South
has made its appearance. It is a book
of church ritual and church hymns
combined, containing the Psalter and
the order of public worship now en
Joined by the great ecclesiastical bodies
represented, including directions to the
congregation on when- to kneel and
when to stand, the recitation in con
cert by the minister and the congre
gation, the Apostles' Creed, etc., th
whole prefaced by the authoritative
voice of the church the bishops of the
two branches of the great Methodist
body. Truly, we may say In looking
over the volume, there Is growth even
In eccleslasticism an expansion of the
Idea of God and His mercy, but withal
a distinct departure from the sim
plicity and spontaneity of -worship that
was Introduced by the Wesleys and
out of which, eschewing the formalities
of ritualism, the Methodist Church
sprang into existence more than a cen
tury ago, with loud hallelujahs.
The Oregonlan has a copy of the
standard edition of the Methodist
hymn book, published in 1S49 with the
approval of five bishops of the Metho
dist Church, the long familiar names
of Bishop Waugh and James being
among them. In the address of these
bishops. Introducing this hymn book,
we find the statement that some of the
hymns which had long been In use In
the Methodist Church were parted with
reluctantly, coupled with unqualified
approval of the revised copy as a
greatly Improved collection. The
church was congratulated on having
been furnished with a hymn book
which, from the number, variety and
adaptation of Its hymns, would not re
quire another revision for generations
That this was a short-sighted view
Is shown by the -feet that In less than
one generation (1S7S) another revision
was required and made, and now, 2S
years later, the controlling power of
the church. In response to the demand
of the great army enrolled under its
name, has produced yet another re
vision, which the bishops, thirty-six in
number, commend and present as an
admirable compilation of sacred lyrics,
"trusting that for many long years It
will prove a visible and potent bond of
union among Methodists."
The history of hymnody Is possessed
of an interest all its own. It Is In a
sense the history of religious develop
ment and growth. It Is not possible
here and now to do more than refer to
It, briefly citing a few examples In proof
of the change that It represents In re
ligious thought and belief.
From the Methodist hymn book Is
sued In America in 1768 or 1770, to the
hymnal that has just been issued. Is a
long step whether we measure It by
years or by change in Methodist meth
ods, and in Methodist belief. This is
merely to say that while the rest of the
world has been moving, Methodism has
not stood still, albeit each forward step
has been taken with hesitancy lest by
It eome tenet of the church, some re
quirement of Its theology, be shaken.
some rivet in Its creed be started
This first Methodist hy-mn book, we
are told, was made up wholly of the
hymns and sacred poems of the Wes
leys. Down to the version of 1849, nearly
one-half the hymns that . Methodists
were authorized to sing In connection
with public worship were those of
Charles Wesley. This hymn writer has
but 17 per cent of the hymns of the
latest version as against 27 per cent In
the version of 1S7S. The editors of this
last version, says the Pacific Christian
Advocate, yielded to the broader spirit
of the day, -by greatly enlarging the list
of authors and dropping out 262 of the
Wesley hymns, adding:
In the new hymnal thin every-way whole
some and. Indeed, Inevitable process hK
been rightly carried still further by the
dropping of 108 more of tb Wesley's hynms.
ISC of Charles' and 129 of Johns', leaving,
however. 121 of the former's and 10 of the
1atters still on the list, which is probably
That which will strike some persons
as more remarkable than the gradual
expurgation of Wesley's hymns Is the
introduction of .some of those of Whit
tler and Samuel Longfellow and Wil
liam Cullen Bryant men whose re
ligion was above all creed and whose
belief in God barred out a belief In
vicarious atonement. Whlttler's well
known poem, "The Eternal Goodness."
Is used In part, though care has been
takep to expurgate the stanza begin
ning: But still my human hands are weak
To hold your iron creeds;
I Again the- words ye bid me xpoak
My heart within me plead.
Nor do we find In this hymnal the
following verse of the same poem:
Who fathoms the eternal thought.?
Who talks of scheme and plan?
The Lord Is God; he needeth net
The poor advice of man.
Still, it is a good deal, as Judged by
former standards of sacred songs set
up by eccleslasticism. to find in the
new Methodist hymnal the stanzas
culled as admissible to the church and
to find In an organ of Methodism the
assurance that this and another hymn
by the same author "are especially sure
to be welcomed by great numbers."
This new hymnal, as far as these In
novations go, represents growth of the
religious Idea, a breaking of the shell
of the old eccleslasticism, a disposition
to keep step with the advance of mod
ern thought In matters spiritual, even
while the return to ritualism shows that
the great Methodist Church has left be
hind It the simplicity, and spontaneity
that characterized and made distinctive
the religious expression of the Wes
leys Its methods. In brief, that gave It
name and place among the religious
denominations of the world.
In conclusion it is safe to say that no
collection of sacred songs, prepared for
public worship, ever again will contain
a hymn proclaiming:
Sinner, hell Is deep and yawnlnr.
Quenchless fires are raging there.
No, one beam of hope is dawning
On those regions of despair.
Like some vast volcanic crater
Burning waves of lava swell
Rage and toss and mourn and labor
Such. oh. sinner, such -Is hell.
Nor are we likely to find 'g&od Dr.
Watts In any new hymnal a'ddresslng
"sinners"' In this wise:
Wilt thou deplsp eternal fate
Led on by sin's delusive dreams?
Madly attempt the Infernal fate
And force thy passage to the flames?
Nor yet will the agonized Inquiry of
a terrified soul, duly wrought upon by
i a theology that revolves around pic
tures of this lurid type, exclaim:
Ah, 'whither -shall I fly?
I hear the thunder's roar;
The ilair ' proclaims destruction nigh
; And Whgeanee at the door.
tather let us believe In the light of
past progress. In compiling hymns for
public worship, that the gentle voices
of Cowper, of Elizabeth Barrett Brown-
ing. of Phebe and Alice Carey, of Ten
nyson, of Whlltler, of Holmes, of Sam
uel Longfellow, will Join with the more
hopeful and Joyous notes of the Wes
leys, of Dodderldge, of Watts.- of Mont
gomery, of Crosby and of others of the
grand company of old hymn writers,
eliminating still further from our hymn
books the gloomy, doleful expressions
of a lurid theology, the supreme effort
of which was directed toward arousing
and playing upon the -fears of man. Ig
noring the far greater power of love
in developing his spiritual nature.
TEACE COUNSELS AND TORPEDOBOATS.
President Roosevelt works half the
.day in trying to establish peace be
tween Russia and Japan and the other
half on experiments with a new sub
marine torpedoboat a contrivance sup
posed to be 'one of the most destructive
of modern engines of war. But In this
various activity he does not con
tradict himself, for he believes that
adequate preparation for war Is the
best assurance of peace. This is com
mon sense, and no paradox.
Though the submarine torpedoboat
has not been fully proved unless, per
haps, by the Japanese in their recent
naval battle, and they are very reticent
always about such matters It probably
has come to stay. As an adjunct of
naval armament all nations are making
provision for It. Even when floating on
the surface, it presents almost no tar
get, and with comparative security It
can approach nearer an enemy than
any other type of vessel. Contrivances
are supplied which enable it to remain
under water for a considerable time
without danger to the,cre.w; though.
like the whale, of course It must rise
at intervals to "blow" at least. Its
funnel must emerge. To give the boat
right direction and cause It to keep its
course are the main problems. The
purpose is to bring the boat as near as
practicable to the enemy before the tor
pedo Is discharged, and to give the
torpedo accuracy of aim..
These are very nice problems, even
in smooth water; much more so In a
heavy sea. It Is apparent that on the
movements of the boat from which the
torpedo Is sent everything depends. The
officer In charge of the boat must rely
on a device fitted as a periscope, "which
Is at the top of a funnel or tube rising
vertically from the hull, and which
may be detected when It Is permitted
to emerge from the element in which
the boat itself is concealed. The haste
with which observations must some
times be made can hardly- fall to Im
pair their value. Certain conditions of
the weather, moreover, are likely to In
terfere with the utility of the appara
tus. An accumulation of particles of
spray on the lenses might obscure the
view sufficiently to preclude a satisfac
Till recently It was supposed that the
mighty expense of war under modern
conditions and the deadly nature of
modern enginery would deter nations
from challenging each other to war;-
but there now seems no reason to be-'J
lleve that such considerations will prove
real deterrents. If war costs more than
formerly," there are more resources 'for
It, yet with all modern enginery at its
command, there is no reason to believe
that there" Is, or Is- likely to be, much
more destruction of life than In former
times. Again, it may s.eem less terrible
when we observe that we kill and maim
annually more men on our railroads in
America alone than were lost on both
sides In the two greatest battles of bur
The Pacific Coast Indian Teachers'
I Institute .was in session in the
parlor of the American Inn last.
week. It does not take very
close study of their work to convince
the unprejudiced reader or listener that
they are very much in earnest in the
effort for which their names stand. The
titles of their many addresses are quite
sufficient for this purpose. That these
workers have become practical by ex
periment with the Indians and a study
of their needs is also In evidence.
The plea voiced by jllty, sentiment,
and ignorance, the poetic refrain of
which was "Lo the poor Indian" has
given place to the voice of knowledge
gained through experience in dealing
with the Indian at close range. Listen
ing to this, we hear practical words
about what sort of education Is best
suited to the development along in
dustrial lines of Indian girls and boys.
The problem of Indian education was
at first and for many years based upon
a theory of which the practical solu
tion was difficult and in many of its
phases Impossible. It was very soon
discovered that the middle-aged Indian
was a factor that had to be eliminated
from the problem wholly, since by no
possible means could he be made to
stand for an equation In Industry. The
aged Indian did not enter Into the
problem at all, but was discarded. As
for the rest, Nlndlan boys and girls.
removed from the environment of
! t"55. Irresponsible, vagrant exist
ence were found to respond encourag
ingly to the effort made In their be
half and the tedious solution of the
problem began. 1 -
That was years ago a third of a cen
tury and more and teachers of In
dians have been among us for a week
reporting progress. Among the pa
pers presented and discussed was one
on "The Knowledge and Tenchlng or
Most Worth to the Indian" and another
on "How Can We Best Fit Our Indian
Girls for Domestic Service?" Ponder
ous questions, both of these and dif
ficult to answer. The very asking of
them, however, marks an advance In
Indian education, or more properly
speaking. In Indian training. The lat
ter even suggests very faintly, it Is
true the possible solution of the servant-girl
question within a narrow
There Is evidence that Indian girls
make neat and capable housekeepers
when carefully trained in this line. If
they can be Induced to accept domestic
service and American housewives can
be induced to take them Into their
homes.In that capacity, the money that
the government has spent and Is spend
ing upon their education will find re
turn In useful lives a"hd needed work
ers. This is indeed practically the only
avenue of usefulness that leads away
from the girls' section of the Indian
Industrial school. The Idea of sending
girls who have learned lessons of neat
ness, thrift and housewifely skill In
four or six years residence at an In
dian Industrial school, back to their
homes on the Indian reservation or the
Indians' land allotment. Is a revolting
one; the Idea that these girls, taught in
the ways of civilization, will be able on
their return to renovate their homes.
j Induce- their fathers to aume re3pon-
slbllity and their mothers to- take' to
new ways of dress, cleanliness and
home industry, has been or well may
be abandoned. Nature suggests what
the outcome of this, experiment will be
In the certainty with which she returns
to her wild domain the field once cul
tivated but abandoned by the farmer.
The hope of the Indian girl, whether
of Chemawa or Fort Shaw or any other
place where effort 13 being made to
train her In the slow ways of civiliza
tion, lies in her preparation for domes- j
tic service, her willingness to perform
such service and the willingness of j
housewives to find her a place In house- I
Those who have known the Indian
at close range for half a century are
not enthusiasts In Indian education as
those are who have studied him at a
distance. But it does not become rea
soning. Intelligent men to- adhere
blindly to the knowledge that they
gained of Indian character in the strug
gles of the border nor to distrust the
effort still less the sincerity of men
and women who have set themselves to
the salvation of the Indian educational
problem. Rather should we all recog
nize the fact that while there has been
growth In this country all along the
line of human effort and development
the Indian, insofar as he has been
touched by the wand of civilization,
has moved forward or backward, ac
cording as the touch has been good or
evil, and that In response to the money
of the government and to the effort
of some conscientious men and women
who have engaged in the work, there
are many Indians in the country who
are now self-supporting, orderly and
In a degree Industrious.
SATISFACTORY SALMON SEASON.
The most gratifying feature of the
salmon season just ended Is the fact
that in no previous season, since the In
ception of the Industry has so. much
money been paid out for raw fish. In
the amount of money placed In circula
tion In the state, the salmon industry
Is outranked by wheat, hops, wool and
lumber, but for disbursing large sums
In a comparatively short time, the pre
mier Industry of the lower Columbia Is
well In the lead of most of the others.
From the Incomplete figures now at
hand, it is apparent that the value of
the salmon pack, including the fish that
were pickled, frozen and disposed of
In the markets, will approximate 52,
500.000. - This Is a vast sum of money
to be placed In circulation In a few
months along the Lower Columbia
River, and, large as it seems, It does not
fully represent the purchasing power
that has been created by the salmon
Industry In a single season.
The vast sums paid out for raw fish
were turned loose by the recipients and
found their way Into a hundred ave
nues of trade and industry only in
directly connected with the salmon
business. The record of the season
just closed Is a good one. both as to the
amount that has been placed on the
market and as to prices realized. It
again demonstrates the value of artifi
cial propagation, and Is sufficiently en
couraging to warrant a further expan
sion of the hatchery plan.
The rtin of steelheads was larger than
ever before, -"and while the quality was
above the" average of preceding years, -
the price paid was but 4 cents per
pound, . while the royal chlnook was
selling at 6 and 7 cents and never
dropped below 5 cents per pound. This
would seem" to substantiate the theory,
not Infrequently advanced, that the
hatcheries have been handling too
many Inferior fish, and have not been
.getting enough eggs from the Spring
Chinook. The expense of converting
-spawn into young salmon at the hatch
eries is no greater for a chlnook than
for a steelhead, and so long as the
latter will command but little more
than half the price that is paid for the
chlnook. it Is obvious thnt a special
effort should be made to " work the
hatcheries up to the limit, with the
best variety of fish. The steelhead
seems to be a favorite for the freezing
process, but until its variety becomes
sufficiently scarce to advance prices to
a par with the royal chlnook It de
serves relatively less consideration at
It is stated that the pack was pulled
up to Its very satisfactory proportions
by a liberal and steady run of fish dur
ing the last two weeks of the season.
This is probably the result of the prac-
bv lllecal fishlnj? In past years, the
hatcheries being thus forced to depend
on he later runs for spawn.
It is pleasing to hear that the au
thorities this season will make an ef
fort to enforce the law instead of ig
noring Its open violation, as was the
case last year. With a strict observ
ance of the closed season and Increased
facilities for hatchery work, there Is
no reason why the industry should not
only maintain its present satisfactory
proportions but also show gratifying
increases from year to year.
THE MAKING OF A riRATE.
Captain Alex McEean seems to be en
deavoring to live up to the reputation
he has gained as a bold, bad "pirate."
Out of the north comes, another story
that he has just swooped down on the
Prlboloff Islands and killed as many
seal as he could handle with his
schooner Carmenclta. This story Is in
keeping with that which was printed a
few weeks ago to the effect that he
Carmenclta had violated the laws of
the land so flagrantly that the govern
ment had officially declared her a pirate
craft. The career of Alexander McLean
offers strong testimony to the fact that
journalistic romance can make a highly
sensational piratical hero out of very
ordlnary material. When Alex McLean
and "Brother Dan" came out of the
wilds of Nova Scotia about twenty-five-
years ago they were as mild a
pair as ever sailed the salty seas.
In those days the business of raiding
a seal rookery was regarded as pos
sessing the same degree of -legitimacy
as that of stealing government land.
For a few years the embryo pirates
clubbed and skinned the seal, and
clubbed and cursed the crew. In the dull
prosaic manner In which the work Is
conducted outside of novels and poems.
At an Ill-guarded moment, back In the
early "80s, It became necessary for Alex
McLean to make a wild flight with his
schooner to escape the clutches of a
revenue cutter. Shots were exchanged
between the two craft and when a few
weeks later Alex McLean landed In San
Francisco, he had become famous. His
giant frame and long, drooping mus
tache made him an Ideal character for
a piratical, romance, and the newspaper
men of the Bay City proceeded to work
the theme to the limit.
Thereafter it would have been Im
possible for Alex McLean to have
steered a bull team over a skid road
In one of the logging camps run by his
countrymen In the Oregon woods wlth-
out' the Incident attracting attention in
the newspapers. And Alex seemed to
enjoy It. To prevent his fame from
losing Its brightness, he endeavored to
make good. A raid on the Siberian seal
rookeries landed him In the stockade
at Vladivostok. The fare was harsh
and the-vodka was withheld, but Alex
survived like a hero, and when he es
caped, that mighty author, Rudyard
Kipling, embalmed the story In his
"Rhyme of the Sealers Three."
Out of the mouth of Alex McLean the
Jungle - book man brought the statement
that "Never a law of God or man got
north of fifty-three." By habeas corpus
or some other hocus pocus method.
Alex finally escaped from the Siberian
dungeon and when he again struck the
Barbary coast In "dear old Frisco," V
there was a new swagger in his walk
and a fiercer curl in the wonderful mus
tache. But there must be a replenishing of
the oil on which a light of this kind
r J l. . . , t-i
MIU ,c i.uu ions auer ii ,
I,, V v 7r .
of his combat with the United States
revenue cutter Mohican. Some of the
elements of truth were lacking in the
story, but Alex never corrected them.
Bad enough was good enough for him, I
and he reveled in the belief that he was
In a fair way to crowd Captain Kid
or Sir Henry Morgan for first place In
the annals of piratical life on the ocean
wave. But there was a lull In this
storm of piratical romance, and life
was becoming very dull and prosaic
for the man with the fierce mustache
until Jack. London wrote the Sea Wolf
using McLean for a hero.
On the appearance of this racy tale
of the sea. It was again up to Alex Mc
Lean to "make good" and he fitted out
the Carmenclta and set call on the
cruise, which, according to newspaper
reports, promises to be fully as event
ful as Its predecessors. Fame Is said
to be fleeting, but In the case of this
formerly mild-mannered pirate, from
the land of the bluenoses. it Is appar
ent that fame should get on her seven
leagued boots If she has any Imme
diate Intentions of distancing the pur
suing pirate who has figured so long
and strong In song and story.
The policy of the present administra
tion to rid the city of the "stool pig
eons," who, by permission from the
detectives, rob and prey at will. Is a
commendable one. If criminals are to
be given license to ply their unlawful
calling, let that license come from some
higher and more respectable and re
sponsible authority than Joe Day or
others of his stripe. If our brilliant de
tectives are unable to detect crime and
capture criminals without forming a
partnership-with the men they should
be hunting, It might be well to replace
them with some of the stool pigeons,
The detectives, by granting their class
Immunity from arrest, pay tribute to
their prowess, and In the night of re
cent events In detective circles, it is
not at all clear that the city would be
any worse off with some of these yegg
men on the payroll than with several
persons who draw 5115- a month detec
A plan is to be submitted to Congress
by the War Department, next Winter
for organization of a "National re
serve," composed of discharged soldiers
and members of the National Guard of
the several states, to be paid at the
rate of J3 a month nor. to be" drawn
away from their civil duties, yet kept
In touch throughout the year with the
Department. In case of emergency
these men could render service at once.
The whole force might be 100,000 men,
or more. It is doubtful, however,
whether Congress will approve. It will
be said we shall have no war, and the
expense of this organization would be
several millions a year. But we have
had wars, and doubtless shall again;
and the cost of this preparation might
be nothing to the cost of unprepared
ness. New York capitalists have subscribed
53.000,000 for the purpose of forming a
new life Insurance company. The ex
cellent financial showing made in the
recent Equitable row ought to be pro
ductive of a large number of new life
insurance companies. As an "easy
money" proposition, the use of other
people's premiums for speculative pur-
however, that the time-honored rule.
which asserts that "there is a sucker
born every minute," may- have under
gone a change since the Equitable row
placed the financial hide of Jimmy
Hyde on the fence.
Russian peasants in the Crimea have
Just burled a priest alive In order to
appease a sorcerer's spirit and break
up a protracted drouth. Over in the
Baltic region, other Russians are blow
lng up officials with bombs. Under
such circumstances it Us not surprising
that the Czar is a little timid about
making terms which might not be
agreeable to his unruly populace. The
"little father" seems to be rapidly ap
proaching that point where, to use an
Inelegant expression, - "he will be
damned If he does and he'll be damned
If he don't."
New subfoci of gambling in Portland,
in spite of all efforts to conceal the
victims though eminent citizens are
among those who are bitten are re
vealed almost every- day. Usually it Is
said that the. game Is only a' little
j amusement at whist or solo; but science
has learned to distinguish the various
j mosquitoes from each other with ac-
curacy practically Infallible.
The French, working on excavation
for the Panama Canal, removed 33,586.
332 cubic yards of material before we
took the job. The estimated money
value of this excavation, reported by
our engineers, was 527,174.033. How-
much excavation will yet be required
. . . .
cannot be esumatea. unairman ononis
says, unui me ij-ye ui wiiii um uccji
The population of Clackamas County,
as shown by the state census. Is 20,877.
The gain is less than expected, since
the population In 1900 was 19,658. Clat
sop, which had 12,765 Ave yean ago,
now has 16,045.
The detectives might at least have al
lowed Mr. Matlock to "fill" and play
hls hand such a good hand, too. It's
too bad to lose so big a jackpot when a
fellow holds the cards.
With Attorney-General Moody pull
ing for Bean and Senator Fulton for
McBride. no man is sure of an appoint
ment these days until he gets It. ,
Hiram llayfleld's Views.
t. Grass Valley. Or.. Aug. 2t, 1005.
To Hoom It May Konsern:
I have jess bin reading in the Grass
Valley Gazoot that my pale young friend.
Al Fonso, king of Spain, has bin kut
outen his just rites -by the despottick
act of the king of England, hoo has set
his i foot clown on any marriage between
Al and Miss Patrlca (I fergit her last
name, but she's a princess). King Ed
up and says that King Al shan't marrv
any niece of his not if he sees Al a
coming after her. . He arises to state that
the bonny blue-blood of England Is tbo
hifalutin to mix up with any played-out
kid monarch across the British channel,
that like an not will have to be sent to
El Paso or Los Angeles to git rid of
lung troubles or words to that effeck.
It looks moughty hard for Al. What
tcr tVio turns Trim- In TTtu fnllfo nil. art
wt Qn malsins a match for. hlm wljn
royal female that will keep the
king brand from petering out. The hull
Spanish race, from Madrid. Spain, to.
New Madrid. Mo., air calling for a quocn
from the housetops, and they won't take"
no for an answer. They'd ruthcr hold
one queen rite now than 2 kings.
I don't know jess what to advise my
pore young friend Al. I'd like moughty
well to see him succeed In life and hand
down to posterity a line of kings that
can stand the hard work and sign ukases
ten hours a day without having their
family M. D. injeck dope Into them to
keep them alive.
If Al will aksept advice from his old but
humble friend, hoo has raised 3 krops of
alfalfy a year and 14 children, I'll make
a suggestion. Jess let this run-down king
go out and- elope with some girl with
ordinary old human blood in her veins.
Fergit this here Miss Patricia, Al. Her
name gives her away. What you want
In your family Is plebeian blood: you need
to hitch up with some hefty kitchen
mechanic, or a blue-eyed country Sir!
with a milk-pall In her hand, or an all.
round young female named Jane Marlar
Smith or something similar, who can
hammer the dough with her fists and
build biscuits like your mother never
used to make. What you need and your
grate and glorious country needs. Al
Fonso. Is a wife that has got back of her
the blood of hull generations of farmors
that could plow a ten-acre lot without
topping for water. And the hull lay-out
of European monarchs air In need of the
same brand of new blood Injected Into
Some of these pleasant nights. Al. you
Jess hand the Janitor of your castle
about four-bits and git him to leave' a
ladder handy, then when all tho rej-t of
your folk3 have gone to bed you sneak
out of your " palace window, hit the old
Madrid pike for the open air, and offer
your crown- and all your troubles to the
fust fine-looking peasant girl you set
eyes -on. It'll be a moughty poor ex
change for her, but most any girl would
marry a king If he'd git down on his
knees and beg.
When you git the girl'- consent, go rite
off to a J. P. and have the knot tied ug.
and th'en mosey back to your palace and
live happy ever after. If you do. as I
advise, about the second generation from
now will make fair-to-mlddllng raw ma
terial for kings, and the hull royal out
fit of Eur.bpe will bo camping out around
your grandson's moated castle, trying to
make matrimonial alliances so that they
can git Into their own families some-of
the noble blood qf the great King Ar
Fonso' and Quecrf Jane Mhrlar.
Yores with congratulations ready,
HIRAM HAYFIELD: (Ic-)
P. S. Advice given, to kings while they
walt. . - .. -
The crew of the battleship Missouri
has applied for permission to use a genu
ine Missouri mule for a. mascot, mo
Navy Department should give this appli
cation serious consideration. In the event
of war the mule could be of signal ser
vice. Let the commander give the order-
Clear for action" and all the crew
could remain below to look after the guns
while the mascot, turned loose on deck.
could kick everything movable Into the
sea and thus save time. Also, In time of
peace, his bray could be used for a fog
horn. One cannot help wondering why the
dishes always get rattled during an earth
"What of the future of Theodore Roose
velt?" asks the Pittsburg Dispatch. "He
cannot be expected to sink into the ob
livion that Is the common lot of our
Presidents when their work for the-peoplo
Is over. He would chafe In this In
activity." The Dispatch Is not the only
newspaper that seems to be worried over
Mr. RooMvelfs career when he gets
through being President. Why should we
worry? The bears arc not all dead' yet.
Are not the woods full of wildcats? Doth
not the mquntaln lion prowl as of old?
The price of ammunition Is about the
same as It used to be.
Monarchs arc getting to be mlghty
common objects. One quite unknown to
fame has Just visited England. They
call him the Gaekwar of Baroda. He
somewhat resembles the Ahkoond of
The name of an Infant In London, who
by a certain sect Is worshiped as the
new Me3slah, Is Glory Smyth Piggott.
His folks might have helped his prospects
by adding an "e" to the Smyth.
Roy Knabenshue, In New York, mad
a trip in his airship, which got out of
order and came down In Central Park.
Then the park policeman came along and
threatened to arrest the aeronaut right
away and take him to the police station
If he didn't move on. Verily, the way of
the transgressor is hard, and a man must
fly mighty high to be a hero to the fly
cop. N. B. Knabenshue moved on.
Locating the Sensitive Spot.
Th.ri is a. strong suspicion that while-
Mr. Wu was In the country asking those
i innncent nuentlons he learned the exact
, irt,nt Sam's scnsim-e spot
and tne best way. of getting at it.
To Our Guests.
Frank Dempster Sherman.
Envoys of mighty nation1-, met today
In solemn session at the Portsmouth ba,
Under the crimson stripe and silver star;
Ours Is the welcome that a friend can say.
Here peace abides, while still the bloody fray
Makes havoc In Manchuria afar.
Where for Mikado and for Russian Czar
The sword and gun are hungry 'for their
We, too, have fousht to save our country's
Mother and brother; we, too, know the
In men and gold ere sounds of battle
.God Klve you wisdom now to end -the strife!
t Let not the opportunity, be losti