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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (April 23, 1905)
THE SUNDAY OREGOIAN, POBTLAJND, APRIL 23, 1905.
-ll IMI J
JD I ever tell you 'bout the time
Jim and I got mixed up with
the Humano Society?" Dick
The round-up outfit was stretched out on
the ground about a huge Are, smoking and
resting alter a day's -hard ride. The
night was clear and just cool enough to
make a fire comfortable. Overhead
glowed the stars In a sky which Is to be
be seen only on the great plains. Off on
the hills the coyotes barked their multi
tudinous ylp-yaps, and an occasional wolf
gave forth a long, coarse howl. The
night and the circumstances were such as
to stir the soul with Inspiration, to make
one forget that there Is such & thing as
a city, with all its artificialities. Per
haps that was the reason why Dick
thought of this story; he always did the
"Well," he continued, "seeln' that no
body seems to have heard of that experi
ence of ours, I don't mind telling It to
help pass the time, unless some of you
buckaroos would like to Btart a little
game of draw In hopes of separatln' me
and my roll of the filthy into two or more
The crowd by silence indicated that the
story would be the more acceptable and
less expensive diversion.
"After Jim had been out here for a few
years, he kind of got a notion in his head
that we could raise a right respectable
pot of the filthy by takin' a carload of
horses back East and sellln' them. Jim,
you know, was once a Plttsburger, which
accounts for his dark complexion. Maybe
he thought that, and maybe he Just want
ed to go back there and show them dude
Easterners how we do It out here. But
this last cause I never suspected till after
. we struck the place, 'cause you all know
I'm simple and unsuspectln' by nature ex
cept In the matter of flushes and full
houses. But while we were there, the
way he acted and dressed chaps, six
shooters, spurs, big bandana on all the
time made me some suspicious.
"But, anyhow, whatever he did It for,
don't make no difference. We landed
there with our carload of horses, and all
of them In pretty good shape. We un
loaded them In one of their big corrals
that they call stockyards, and after feed
In' hay and waterln' them, Jim took me
off uptown with him. I was a plumb
bronc, you know; been born and raised
right out here on the range, fed on flap
jacks, bacon and buffalo meat all my
life, and never been In a place bigger than
Medora is now in my life. But Jim he
had been one of them city dudes once,
though of course he had found out the
error of his ways and made a man of
himself. Now he was goln' to show them
a few things. So he hits the trail right
up the middle of town, with me a-followln
right on his heels. Well, sir, he led me
all over Pittsburg that way, on the side
walk, too. I wanted to take the street
where there wasn't nothln' but horses
to got tangled up with, but he wouldn't
have it. No sir, he stuck to that side
walk trail, where there was more men
and women than there was cattle in this
whole country. Um, say, boys, but
them women sure were pretty! I hadn't
never seen many women, you know; 'way
out here they were as scarce as three
legged buffaloes. 'Course, I couldn't look
at 'em very close, 'cause I didn't want
to start no shootin', but I managed to
get a few looks without any of the men
seeln' me. But old Jim he just walked
right along, head up and spurs a-JInglln
like he owned the whole outfit, though he
didn't have his brand on any of them.
Why, say, boys, if anybody had started
the shootin', I couldn't have got my gun
in action In ten minutes, there was so
many people. That's why I wanted Jim.
to take to the street.
"Drinks? Of course, Gummy. We had
a few, eight or ten, maybe, but, great
petrified pintos, a man couldn't get a de
cent drink out of them little glasses they
give you in them cities. So we got back
to the corral sober and all right, without
havln' to pull our guns once.
"Well, the next day there was a big
crowd round that corral lookin' at our
horses. You see, they had heard 'bout
Western horses, how tough they are,
and how fast they can run, and how
they can buck and pitch and all that,
and they were all down to see them.
We had a good bunch of them, too,
mostly 5 and 6-year-olds, well broke,
that Is, as we call broke, and we didn't
count on havln' trouble in sellln
them. And we didn't. One big livery
man bought the whole bunch, and we
were to deliver thom to him.
"Right there was where the trouble
begun. If he had left that part out,
we wouldn't have got tangled up with
the Humane Society, and I wouldn't
have all these gray hairs in my head.
That was sure an awful experience,
boys. 'Take my word for It, and don't
you ever let that outfit g-et its rope
on you. You're a dead wolf If you
do. But If you ever do, just lay right
down and play dead. Don't go to
pltchln' and tearln 'round like I did,
"cause they'll sure choke you down,
just like they did Jim and me, and
right In Jim's own town, too. I don't
reckon he ever got clean over the dis
grace. "We bought a lot of rope, made
hackamores for all the horses, and got
ready to lead them down to the livery
stable. We couldn't drive them loose
through the streets, you know, as we
would out here. So we just tied the
horses In a long string, one to the tall
of the other, and started up town with
them. That was a funny sight to them
dudes, I reckon, 'cause everybody we
passed stopped and looked at us. Jim
had on his chaps, his six-shooter, red
bandanna and all. Just as I said, and
he was sure steppln' high,, 'cause he
was makin' a sensation. But I didn't
like it any too much- I never was
locoed like some people on the sub
ject of being looked at like a buffalo
In a corral.
"The horses was leadin fine, not
makin' no fuss, and not pullln' back,
and I thought we would make our
campln'place all right. All of a sud
den I heard a woman let out a screech
that made me grab for my gun. I've
heard Injuns yell, but that woman
had all the Injuns in America drove
clean off the reservation. 'Oh! look
there! Look there!' she screeched.
'Look at those horrid, cruel .men. See
what they are doin' to them poor
horses. Stop it! Stop it, I say, you
unfeeling brutes!' Then I savvied that
she was talkin' 'bout us. I looked
'round, and there she was comln to
wards me, polntln her finger at me
and callln me bad names.
"She was one of these little, skinny,
hollow-eyed women that never had a
breath of real, good fresh air in their
lives. Her cheeks looked like two
pieces of dried apple, her lips were as
thin as the edge of a knife, and her
eyes snapped like a mad grizzly's.
Great petrified pintos, but she was
mad! She came prancln' out towards
me, and of course I couldn't do nothln'
but stand there and wait for her. She
called me all the names she could
think of and some more. Finally I
savvied that she thought we wore
abusln' the horses. That idea struck
me so funny that I laughed. Then she
did got "mad. Urn, my. bow she did
trim me! She had me down and hog
tied In just no time. Jim' he was out
of sight on tho other side, and T got
It alL I've heard men swear, and can
untie a few choice remarks myself, but
I couldn't follow her smoke. Oh, no.
She ought to start a swearln' school,
whore they could learn pooplo to swear
without sayln' 'damn.
"Well, she run out of breath after
a while, but not heforo she had at
tracted a big crowd 'round us. 'Mad
am,' I said, 'you are mistaken 'bout
our hurtln these horses, 'cause they
" 'How dare you talk to me?' she
'Well, seeln' that you spoke first
" 'Untie them ropes. Untie them at
once, you great, big. heartless brute!'
she replied before I had half begun.
T-""-------------------------------- - --- ............ . . ... mmm .mm mm . . S. ....... . - . - - - '
1ST HUGH MEUFMAN.
"'Madam, whero I came from,' I
said, 'many a man has been shot for
sayln' less than that to another, and
" 'Policeman! Policeman! Here, police
man,' she shouted to a fellow In blue
clothes who came up just then. 'Arrest
these men for cruelty to animals, and
charge this one with Insulting me be
sides.' "That made me mad, and I was 'bout
to get my gun Into action when Jim,
kwho came round then, grabbed my arm
una nopi me irora puiiin iu n.e luiu me
to leave It to him and say nothln. So I
did. And a nice mess he made of It,
too! Now, if he had let me mix a little
lead with that cop's beer, we'd have got
out all right, maybe. But old Jim he just
let him arrest us. And what do you
think that big blue heron did? Well,
sir, he made us untie all them horses
from each other's tails, and tie them
together by the heads. That little old
woman, mad as a wet hen, was hoppln
and cacklin' 'round us all the time, too,
and aggravatln me Worst than if I had
had a boll. I was wlshln all the time
that one of them horses would cut loose
with "his heels and land that fat old cop
In the Allegheny River, but the East had
degenerated them even in one day, and
they all acted like kittens.
"So we led the horses to the stable, and
then the cop took us to the police station,
Darkly and moodily by the wild waters.
Tossing their mists at his feet on shore.
Dreams the lone son of the war chieftain's daughter
Dreams of the glory of tribesmen of yore!
Vanished the lodges that decked the green mountains;
Silent the songs from the tepee and plain;
Cometh no warriors to dlnk from the fountains;
Cometh no shout of the huntsman again!
Yet, as he lingers In silence and listens.
There, where the Cascades make merry all day.
Watches and waits where the tinted mist glistens.
He hears the wild shouts of the children at play!
Rising before hlm the dim, clustered legions.
Spreading in glory upon the broad place,
Teeming with warriors, the desolate regions
Ah, in his dream he beholds the old race!
where they made us ant S50 ball or
stay In the corral all night. We'saw;
the raise and promised to. be there the
next mornin'. I wanted to shoot up the.,
town, I was so mad; but Jim he made me
take it out In swearln.
"That night Jim and I talked it over
and decided what we would say the next'
day at . the trial. Course, we couldn't
say what we wanted to, but we fixed up
the story we would telL Did you ever
notice how these flxed-up stories peter,
out when you' come to tell them? I have.
"Comes next mornin. and I was for
throwln down our hands and lettin them
have the fifty each of us had anted, but
Jim he wouldn't have that; he wanted
to play the hand out. So I went along
with him down to the jag corral. The
courtroom was crowded with loafers,
shyster lawyers and about the choicest
herd of bums and nose-painters I ever
saw. There was one woman, too, not
bad lookin', either. I chouldn't hear what
they charged her with, though Jim he
told me afterwards It must have been
champagne, but the Judge he fined her
J10. She started to cry and sob, and I felt
kind of sorry for her. and was just
a-goin' to offer to pay it for her when a
big, fat duck, with a red vest and a quart
of diamonds stuck on him, waddled up.
paid the fine, told her to shut up and
come on. I felt like takin a shot at his
red target, and told Jim so, but Jim he
Thirsting for vengeance tho fierce hosts assemble.
Wildly they're chanting the battle-mad hymn;
Ah, but the war trails beneath the hoofs tremble
They gather like clouds, on the horizon's rim!
Far In the distance the tepees are guarded;
War steeds arc tethered and signal fires bright
Down the steep trails, like an eagle from heaven.
Sweeps the wild horde on the foeman at night!
Then the closed eyes of the Dreamer are opened!- '
Only the music and mist of the stream! .
Only the mountains, forbidding and lonely!
. Only the flush of a heart-breaking dream!
Singing so blithely the Turn-water whispers:
-"I am the voice and the spirit of yore! t -
Here, let the Redman in reverie linger.
Dream and drink deeply my song, evermore!" x
' Pendleton, Or., April IS, 1905. BERT HUFFMAN.
told .me I already had a blccer steer
ton the end of my rope than I could han
dle, and I allowed he was just 'bout right.
"Well, sir; that Judge must have been
out -with the boys the night before, 'cause
he was in a awful bad humor. Nobody
had any chance; he soaked them all. I
couldn't see no use in tryin' to run a
bluff on him, 'specially as he hold four
aces every hand. But Jim, he wouldn't
listen to me. At last, some one called
Jim and me up. The Judge, he asked what
the charge against us was, and a young
fellow told him cruelty to animals against
both, of us. and insultln' a woman besides
" 'What have you got to say for your
selves? asks the Judge like he was chew
"I looked at Jim and Jim he looked
at me and nodded; so I started out on
the story we had fixed up.
" 'Well, Judge, you see, it was this
way," I says. 'We are two plain men
from 'way out In Dakota, and we've come
here not knowln all the rules of the
game as you play It in the city. We may
have broke some of them rules, but wo
didn't havo no notion of doin It. Wo
didn't try to run In a cold deck on you
or hold out any aces, and we've discarded
fair. Of course, If you think you ought
to have a rake-off out of every pot, why
"All this time Jim he was pullin my
coat, but I didn't savvy. Just here the
Judge, he said, kind of mad like, 'What
are you talking about? Answer my iirst
question. Are you guilty or not?
" 'Well, Judge, I said, 'I was just
a-tryln to do that very thing, but I
reckon my language ain't clear. But I
sure thought you people in the city would
know that game. Why, every little boy
" 'Will you plead or not? he shouted
" 'Plead? For what? For that fifty of
mine you've got? I'll see you in hell be
fore Til beg anybody for any fifty dol
lars. There's lots more where that came
from. And I've got some respect left
for myself even If I have let one of them
pink-cheeked, pot-bellied cops arrest me."
"Now, don't you go gettin' fresh
with this court ho roars, gcttln red.
"I ain't gettin' fresh, I'm soured
on the whole outfit
"Officer, what were these men doin?'
he asked the cop.
" LadIn' a string av horrses alang
tlie street be the tails,' the flannel
" "Leadin them by the tails? the
" Yis, sor. Iv'ry wan was tied to
the wan's tail In fronjt av him.'
"'Except the first one. Judge,' I said.
"'Will you hold your tongue?' he
Little Sermons by Elbert Hubbard
Aphorisms by the Editor of "The Philistine."
I HAVE a profound respect for boys.
Grimy, ragged, tousled boys in the
street often attract me strangely. A
boy is a man In the cocoon you do not
know what It la going to become his
life is big with possibilities.. He may make
or unmake kings, change the boundary
lines between states, write books that will
mold characters, or invent machines that
will revolutionize the commerce of the
Governments grant men Immunity from
danger on payment of a tax. Thus men
cease protecting themselves, and so, In
the course of time, lose the ability to
protect themselves, because the faculty
of courage has atrophied through disuse.
Brooding apprehension and crouching fear
are properties of civilized men men who
are protected by the state. The Joy of
reveling in life Is not possible in cities.
Bolts and bars, locks and keys, soldiers
and police, and a hundred other symbols
of distrust, suspicion and hate, are on
every hand reminding us that man Is
the enemy of man, and must be protected
from his brothers. Protection and slavery
are always near of kin.
In every successful concern, whether It
be bank, school, factory, steamship com
pany or railroad, the spirit of one man
runs through and animates the entire In
stitution. The success or failure of the
enterprise turns on the mental, moral
and spiritual qualities of this one man.
And the leader who can Imbue an army
of workers with a spirit of earnest fidel
ity to duty, an unswerving desire to do
the thing that should be done, and always
with animation" kindness, courtesy and
good cheer, must be ranked as one of the
great men of the earth.
If you are a student In a college, seize
upon the good that Is there. You get good
by giving It. You gain by giving so
glvo sympathy and cheerful loyalty to the
Institution. Be proud of it. Stand by
your teachers they are doing the best
they can. If the place is faulty, make it
a better nlace by an example of cheer
fully doing your work every day the best
you can. Mind your own business.
I have noticed that In households where
a strap hangs behind the kitchen door,
ready for use. It is not utilized so much
for discipline as to ease the feelings of
the parent They say that expression is
a need of the human heart; and I am
also convinced that In many hearts there
is a strong desire at times to "thrash"
The voice Is the true index of the soul.
People who are vulgar may dress correct
ly and speak' grammatically, but they
continue to either screech or purr. The
clear, low, musical modulation belongs
yelled at me, and Jim he told me to
"An"d a noico old lady "had me ar
rest thlra fer doin' it, yer honor. And
this wan here, he told her she wasn't
no loidy, sor.'
" Aw, no, I didn't. Judge. I started
to tell her that out in our country
"That will do from you, till I ask
you to speak. Another word out of
you and I'll send you to jail. Is that
'Yls, sor; that's all.
"Now, what have you to say to that?"
the Judge asked me.
"That 'bout the horses is true.
Judge,' I said. 'We did have them tied
head to tall, but we weren't hurtln
them any. Judge, you just ought to
oomc out West and see us when we do
have to hurt them.
" 'Yes; I've heard of the way you
heartless cowboys mistreat your horses
out West, but I want you to under
stand that you' can't do it when you
come to Pittsburg. And what's more,
you shall not come here and Insult the
women of this community. If you
come here, you must act as we do, not
as you do In the barbarous West.'
" 'Barbarous West! Hell! Any Judge
out there that would let a man treat a
woman as you let that red-bellied sport
treat that woman right here In your
courtroom wouldn't last as long as
a violet at a skunk caucus,' I said, get
tin' some mad nryself.
"Wow, but he got hot at that. I
thought he'd bust before he found
words. Til teacn you to show con
tempt for this court.' he sputtered.
'How many horses did you have?'
" 'I fine each of you five dollars for
each horse, one hundred dollars apiece;
and you ten dollars for insulting &
lady and twenty-five for contempt of
"1 looked at Jim, He was kind of?
white, but was fishin' for his roll.
'Judge,' I says, 'that makes mine a
hundred and thirty-five, don't .t? Couldn't
you knock off five for the last horse?
You see. he didn't have a horse tied
to his tail
" 'No, he roared Til not remit a cent.'
" 'All right. Judge. I said, "here's
your money. Never mind makin' out a
receipt. We'll trust you. And now.
Judge, that we are square. I'd Ju3t like
to ask you one question.
"'Well, what Is it?
"'Don't you think you flattered
yourself a little by flnin me thirty
five dollars for insultln you and only
ten dollars for insultln' the lady?
"That question will cost you ten
dollars more, the Judge yelled, his face
all purple and white."
"Did you pay it?" Gunny, the cook,
asked Dick, after a few minutes of
"Pay it?. Oh, sure. It was worth ten
dollars to see that fit he had; but I
didn't buy any more fits that day."
"But what I can't understand is why
Jim let you do all the talkin," said
"That was in the. fix-up of the nignt
"before. Jim fixed It that way; and X
being unsuspoctin. except in the mat
ter of flushes and full-houses, let it
go. But a day or two after that
round-up of Jim and me. I got tt
ihlnkln 'bout It, and it begun to look;
kind of queer to me. too; so I up and
"Well, why was it?" asked the im
"Oh. Jim. ho used to have a girl in
Pittsburg and he was afraid if he made
a good speech the papers would get
hold of it and tell all about It and
maybe get his picture in. Jim always
wa3 kind of bashful, you know."
"Is that all of the story?" Gunny
"Ya-as. Only when we got back here
I kind of thought I'd like to be prose
cutin' atorney for this county, but Jim
he just tore his shirt tryin to have mo
"What for? Want it himself?" Bill
; "Naw, Jim don't know nothln boufc
"Did he beat you?"
"Sure, he told the boys about me and
the old lady and' the Judge. That de
1 teat kind of took all the ambition td
' be a lawyer out of me. somehow."
only to the men and women who Think
and Feel. To possess a beautiful volco
you must be Genuine.
God is good, there is no devil but fear,
nothing can harm us, the Universe la
planned for good! Ah! a new thought all
life is one, and we are brothers to tha
birds and trees. Our life 13 a necessary
and Integral part of the Energy that turna
the wheeling planets and holds the world
I think if I worked for a man I would
work for him. I would not work for him
a part of the time and the rest of tha
time work against him. I would give am
undivided service or none. If you work
for a man, in heaven's name, work for
What think you the earth will be like
when the majority of men and women
in It learn that to be simple and honest
and true Is the part of wisdom, and that
to work for Love and Beauty Is the high
est good. .
It is ridiculous to suppose that a youth
can shut himself away from the actual
world of men, women and things. In a
college for a few years and then coma
forth and direct morals In the way of
Even the proudest women are wlIHng"to
accept orders when the time is ripe; and
I am fully convinced that to be domi
neered over iy the right man Is a thing
all good women warmly desire.
The soul grows by leaps and bounds, by
throes and throbs. A flash! and a glory
stands revealed for which j'ou have been
blindly groping through the years.
To hoe all' the time slants the brow. If;
all men hoed a little, no man would
have to hoe all the time. Let us all
hoe a little.
The fallow years are as good as tha
years of plenty the silent Winter pre
pares the soil for Spring.
A man of genius conceives things; st
man of talent carries them forward to.
To know how to write correctly Is noth
ing you must know something worth re
cording. Things work by antithesis; If your disci
pline is too severe, you get no discipline
Art Is the mintage of tnespul. Health
Is potential power. "
jnqnarcnies, ime repuoucs, are ungrate
'Every good thing Is lovedUinta.lifa.