34 cWE-RieAN 1NVASION OF THE "RHINE j .iSSfgS1 . ; : : i , , Tilt. ULSSELUOltl'"" COLOGNE. April 16. (Special Corre spondence.) I write today of the Rhine. Not the Rhine picturesque, not the Rhine romantic nor the Rhine of castles and cathedrals, but the Rhine as a trade route and as the great water avenue of the American invasion of Ger many. During this trip in Europe I have studied it from its source to its mouth. I was near its beginning on Mount Saint Gothard !n Switzerland, I saw It rush ing past Basel, the head of navigation, and watched the enormous traffic mov ing into It from Rotterdam near the sea. It is 526 miles from Basel to the German Ocean, and throughout this distance the Rhine is spotted with towns and cities; It Is cut by canals, which lead to the Seine and the Danube, and others which bring it into connection with the busiest flection of this busiest of all -the conti nents. You can get from Hamburg to the Rhine by canal. The ports of Bel glum have access to it and a network of railroads leads out from it to every quarter of Europe. The Rhine at Colocne. Here at Cologne the Rhine is about 1300 feet wide, and it is deep enough for boats drawing 12 feet of water. The lall is slight from here to the sea, and the flow is so slow that it does not Im pede navigation. A little further south the river narrows, and In the Seven Mountains the current is so swift that the steamers make only a few miles an hour, and so strong that the banks have to be walled in with stones almost the whole way to keep them from washing. Cologne Is the trade center of the Rhine. It has about 400.000 people, and Is largely dependent upon its river trade. It has built up a great harbor for handling the traffic, and is now a general transship ping point for all parts of Europe. Ships come here from London, Bremen, Ham burg, Copenhagen and Russia. There are daily boats to England, and three boats which run regularly between Cologne and St. Petersburg. America on the Rhine. The most of the goods from the United States is transshipped at Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Antwerp or Hamburg, and a large part of it is sent up the Rhino in barges. I have spent much time on the river, now passing rafts of logs and boards of American lumber, now going by strings of narrow barges, each 200 or more feet long, filled with American wheat, and other barges piled high with barrels of American petroleum. I have met a few American travelers and one or two of our drummers, but the most of the travel is European, and the most of our goods go on German and Dutch boats handled by German importers. A Great Inland Port. Cologne is a good place to study the Rhine traffic. It is the headquarters of the leading steamship companies. The trade is carefully watched. It steadily in SEAWEED IN T) EGOR7VT I V E 7VRT GREAT VARIETY OF ARTISTIC ORNAMENTS MADE FROM KELP BY A CALIFORNIA "WOMAN T IS only within the last few years that kelp has been used In decorative ; art, but so rapidly has it advanced in popular favor that already in several places on the Pacific Coast there are whole stores devoted to kelp work, and no curio store Is complete without something In this line. Crude indeed were the first attempts to utilize this sea product, so tantalizingly suggestive of possibilities, so elusive when one sought to give the thought a visible form. First to appear upon he market were elf-like faces paint ed upon small kelp pods, and peering out tinder tho broad brim of a paper som brero or from among the shadows cast by a poke-bonnett These were mounted on cards bearing some appropriate verse and cold as souvenirs. Painfully amateurish In every way. yet they marked the advent of a new Industry. After them came the brownies. China men and mermaids, dressed in kelp leaves of different colors, more artistic because more harmonious, but still lacking much that Is essential to true art Then some ingenious woman discovered a way of curing the undried kelp and out of the larger bulbs were moulded all sorts of Jugs, jars, candlesticks and vases ri valing in form old Indian pottery. The color greenish brown and the glaze which the curing process gave aided the delusion, and It was hard to believe, until one handled them, that they were not specimens of some antique earthenware. Yet they had neither history nor use, while the crudest piece of Indian pottery has both. So although they readily found admirers among the lovers of the curious. the -general public felt that the work still lacked tho Inner meaning, the thought, the soul. Ploacercd Kelp in Decoration. It remained for a resident of San Diego to establish the industry on an enduring basis and to make good its claim to rank among fine arts. "When only IS years old, Ruth Sllbery. the daughter of a sailor, commenced experimenting in the possibili ties of kelp. Her artist's soul, longing for expression, found in lt a material ready lor her hand, and never did a medium yield itself with more abandonment to the will of a master. "What wonder, then, that there ehould grow np in the heart of Ink Coast child a love for the kelp such STItEB i'-CAKS SELL PASSES. creases from year to year, and it now approximates a million tons annually. Something like 4000 passenger boats call at Cologne every year, and the freight boats number many hundreds There are also sailing vessels, and an -enormous traf- j nc -o ius ana Darges. m with great stone blocks and paved with I saw my first Rhine barges at Rotter- . cobbles. Bridges connect It with the rail dam. They are built for the narrow parts roads and the cars are brought right to of the river, and are. I venture, the long- , the boats and loaded and unloaded with est boats made In proportion to their I great steel cranes. There are custom width. The average barge Is about 15 feet j houses on the Island with bonded ware wide and 200 Or 300 feet long. It looks like houses, and the facilities are such that a great black eel as It Is towed up the ' scores of barges and boats can be handled river. At the back of It Is a little cabin, at one time. with a stovepipe sticking out of its roof, j T walked along upon tnIs lsIand j and about midway is a hinged mast so j saw a barge unloading South Carolina 2?. CSi? h? raed nd lower at ! Pine. The boards were built out over the the bridges. Each barge has a rudder. sldes of tne oarge that It seemed to sometimes so large that It is moved by , De a plle of lumDer 100 feet wide. 200 feet a horizontal cog wheel pushed around by j long. lo fect hIgh It nad been towed the sailors. , Up from Rotterdam by a steam tug. and on many of the barges families of boat- when x saw it the hydraulic cranes were men live. You see the washing hanging j llftinff up 100 boardg at a time and drop on the line, the women cooking at the ; plng tnera onto tne cars whlcn were to sterns of the boats and the little ones ff,v tVinm tn ih. infrinr , playing about over the cargo. The PnnscnRer Bnnl ncmi. ; i The Rhine has an immense passenger ; business during the season. This is now I at its beginning, and it will continue until late in the Fall. There are two great j passenger companies which have regular j daily services to Mainz and Cologne and j Dusseldorf. They are doing well, paying regular dividends of 6 per cent and over. I Their stocks are considered safe invest ments, and they, are bought and sold on the exchange. i It Is not the foreign travel, however, that makes the boats pay. That is enor mous, it is true, but it is nothing in com parison with the local traffic. The Rhine Is one almost continuous village. There are towns everywhere near the river and back from it. except in the most moun tainous parts, and on holidays the boats are crowded, and, as the fares are cheaper than these of the railroads, the every day travel is great. A difference In weath er makes a big difference In the profits of j the companies. This is especially so as to foreign traffic A cold "Whitsuntide means there will be no trafflc from Lon don, and a cold season may cut down the dividends more than 1 per cent. There are now about 100 steamboats on the Rhine, and the average number of passengers ex ceeds 1.000.000 a year. Traveling Is comparatively Inexpensive, and, strange to say, it costs less to go up the stream than down it. It takes only a day to see the most beautiful part of the river, and you can have a round trip ticket at reduced rates. Each passen ger Is allowed 100 pounds of baggage free, a small charge being made for loading and discharging the trunks. All the steamers have eating accommodations on them, and the food Is quite as good as on similar boats at home. At 1 o'clock there Is a table d'hote dinner, which costs 75 cents, with reduced rates for children. Breakfast and supper are also served. Nearly all the Rhine towns are growing and are steadily Improving their port ar rangements. You see cranes on the land- as the sculptor feels for his marble, the poet for tho creation of his brain? In the light of results one gives ready credence to her claim of being pioneer along this line. Treated by some process the secret of which is Jealously guarded, the kelp Is given all the pliability of leathert and the natural colors ranging from deep browns to delicate cream are preserved. In some of the articles the kelp cannot be distinguished by the eye from a piece of kid. In others it has the soft texture of velvet, and again lt Is given the ap pearance of a piece of bark or wood. "Whether these different qualities are the result of nature, accident or premeditated art is known to the artist only, and she does not tell. Her skillful fingers repro duce in kelp every effect that can be obtained in burnt wood, leather or birch bark, besides many others possible to kelp alone. Some of the Products. There are plaited belts, In which the soft, white cf the inner lining is combined with the rich natural browns and which are warranted to outwear belts of leather; there are walking sticks covered with rough, dry kelp so Ingeniously that none would doubt lt to be their natural bark, the knob being a sailor's knot made from the kelp's fibrous roots; there are vases, teapots, jars, each fashioned from a sin gle piece. One exquisite vase has a pure white calla springing from its base, with the foliage circling the stem of the vase In a manner which Is a triumph of artistic skill, securing grace without destroying Its semblance to nature. The witches' cauldron reminds one of the elaborate pieces often seen In bronze. In the background Is the witch. Just in the act of dropping a bug into the pot Twisted vine-like stems produce the ef fect of a forest out, of which peep tiny kelp demons alert with interest In the brewing charm. Figures made from the kelp rival In naturalness and' beauty those familiar ones made by the Mexicans. There is the dusky dude, whose white waistcoat has all the appearance and luster of satin; the sailor, the Chinaman, and, perhaps, most ingenious of all, the rubberneck, so called because the head is attached to a piece of rubber, whfch allows it to be pulled up a short distance, while pennies and other coins are dropped into the hollow body: for the rubberneck Is not Intended for ornament only, but is in reality a savings bank. The body, made from a huge kelp stem, suggests a flowing robe, and stands on & firm flat base, Snow- THE SU1STAY JUXGSTRASSE, ing places, at many small towns, all the cities have wharves, and the busy scenes upon them shows that this part of Ger many Is industrially alive. The port of Cologne Is formed by an Island In the river. This has been walled Near bv were other barsres loadinir roods for the United States, and I was told that 9mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmamm,mm COLOGNE IS THE white hands are arranged in attitudes to match the expression of the face painted on the ball-shaped head. A pointed collar surrounds the open neck of the stalk, and on this the head rests, like a stopper in a bottle, held in place by a piece of rubber fastened on the Inside. Something: New in Baskets. Every part of the figures is made from kelp, and as one studies the . contrasts In color, the differences In texture which are produced, one feels that he Is Indeed in the presence of a master artist and that kelp is quite as suitable a medium lor expressing thought as paint or marble. In one beautiful frame the natural colors have, at will, been preserved, extracted or shaded until a scene has been repro duced quite as effective as any ever seen in burnt wood. And then the baskets in form, color and weaving they rival Indian art They are not imitation Indian baskets. They are original both In stitch and design, the basket of the 20th century. There are baskets made of the kelp bulb In its natural shape cut to represent a flower with its petals, laced together with slender thongs and others woven of nar row strips of kelp, the white and brown effectively combined. Some of the woven baskets have for their bottom a circular piece of kelp, and on these beautiful designs are made by clipping off the brown surface and expos ing the white, that lies beneath. The first attempt to bring this work be fore the public was made in 1S94, and a history of the years since then would read like a novel. It is the story of a young girl's struggle against opposition, -against treachery, and with imitators. Her ar tistic soul hungering to create beauty for beauty's sake, yet forced by circumstances to keep ever In view the necessity of mak ing each hour's work bring its equivalent In dollars and cents. Hampered by lack of capital, and without influential friends, but always persevering and bravely strug gling upward, she has at last gained a foothold In the business world. Financial Result. For several years Mrs. Bauer's work has been on sale at Catallna as well as in San Diego, and this season she and her husband have opened a branch estab lishment at Long Beach. At present the work is done chiefly by Mrs. Bauer, her mother and sister a man to gather the kelp and a man and girl in the weaving department being their only assistants, but as soon as the patent ap plied for is obtained another light, agree OREGOSIAN, PORTLAND, COLOGXE, MADE OX SITE OP OLD WALL. something like $2,000,000 worth of goods are annually shipped from here to our coun try Another big Rhine center is Dusseldorf, . . ., , . , about 2 hours by steamer down stream.H It Is the chief port of Westphalia, an enormous industrial region underlaid with coal and iron. Dusseldorf Itself has iron and steel works, foundries, furnaces and rolling mills. It makes railroad cars and electrical equipments, and the same is true of Cologne. Dusseldorf Is also the port for many other towns near by, and does a great business in selling American machine tools, Carolina pine and some of our best hardwoods. It takes a great lot of Cali fornia fruit, and has until recently Im ported considerable iron and steel tubing, although this Is now furnished by Ger many. It is from there that a large part of the Krupp shipments go out, including those to the United States, which ara heavy. Up the Rhine above Cologne there are a number of important ports, and espe cially Coblenz, Mainz and Mannheim. I am surprised at the size of Mainz. It Is RHINE TRADE-CENTER FOR AMERICAN GOODS. able and profitable employment and one peculiarly attractive to women will be open. . The name kelp Includes many varie ties of seaweed, ranging from the tiny egg-shaped pods growing on a flat rlb-bon-llko stem and their sisters of broader base and sharply pointed tops, to the gi gantic species whose hundred feet of stem measures several Inches In diameter and whoso bulbs are larger than a man's head. It Is this larger rubber-like variety that furnishes the material for most of Mrs. Bauer's work, and In her subjugation of it she has proved herself a scientist as well as an artist, for no sooner is lt cast upon the sand than lt becomes a tenement for swarming Insect life, and left to Itself decays so rapidly that it has the appear ance of melting beneath the sun. GEORGINE T. BATES. Pasadena, Cal., April 23. A Serious Defect. Paderewskl Josefty Fortissimo Leo Was the greatest pianist you ever did see; He rendered' fantasias, gavottes and cantatas, Cadenra and overtures, fugues and sonatas. He could nlay like the sweep of a rushing cyclone, Or as softly and low as the south wind's faint moan. He knew all the works of Beethoven and LI sit. Of "Wagner and Chopin not one had he missed. He ' gained honors and laurels wherever he went, And he knew ho deserved them, so ho was content But his pride, had a fall, for one Summer day A dear little girl came to hear this man play; And she said, as he turned politely to greet her, "Please, sir, -can you play, 'Peter, Peter, pump kin eaterT " , He was deeply chagrined, and he felt very blue. But he meekly replied, "2So, I can't, dear; can you?" "Oh.,yes," she responded.. She flew to the keys, "With her two fat forefingers she played it with ease; And. she afterwards said, "I would ra,therbe me Than Paderewskl Josefry Fortissimo Xee." " Judge.' . . ..' . Heart Sacrifice. . If I had loved him less, perhaps I do not know, one cannot know He might have loved me more, and T Should not have felt within me grow The crying loneliness, which comes To women's hearts that love and wait In longing, hopeless hopefulness. Outside the unpermlttlng gate. And yet. if I had lored bun less, I should not know one could not know The rapture of love's sacrifice. . Those fires, through ashes, always glow To light the long, hard way that leads The faltering spirit up to see The Infinite unselfishness "Which saved mankind on Calvary. William J. Laaapton, la Xay Ssaarjt Set MAY 3, 1903. growing like a green bay tree, and now has more than 100,000 population. It is sit uated where the Main flows into the Rhine, and gets the traffic of both rivers. It was so rich in the past that it was colIed ..Golden Malnj: nd lt w at one time the leader of the league of Rhenish towns, lormed during the middle ages to boom the trade of this region. Today it is overshadowed by Frankfort, but lt has. an Increasing trade. Mannheim, still further up the Rhine, at the mouth of the Keckar, might be called an American trade center. It has enor mous imports of American grain, coal oil and tobacco, and Is the headquarters for the transshipment of American goods. The Diamond Match Company, the Standard" Oil Company and the Pure Oil Company have plants there and our leading export ers of all kinds have their agencies. Mannheim is the head of Rhine naviga tion for large boats and the chief point of distribution for grain, cotton, coal oil, lumber and coal. Over 16,000 boats unload at Its docks every year and its freight runs up Into the millions of tons, It is a great commercial center. Its banks having a' capital of $0,000,000. It is also a manu- TVDE'S FABLE IN SLANG NE Day a lowly Steam-Fitter, who received only TO cents an Hour for Filling his Pipe, was sent to do a Job of Repairing in the Palatial Residence of a Syndicate Mogul. "While he was hammering merrily at his Task, trying to fill out an S-hour Day, the Lady of the House came and watched him. Her Heart was touched with great Pity for any Man who still had his Ap pendix and whose Picture had never ap peared In the Sunday Papers. So she had the Butler bring some Charlotte Russe for the humble Toiler. After which he borrowed one of her gold-tip Cigarettes and gave her a few Minutes of his Time, In spite of the Fact that she did not be long to the Union. "This is a Swell Joint you've got here.J Lady," said the Steam-Fitter. "The only thing that makes me Sore Is to think that all of this Hot Dog you're throwin on comes out of the Pockets of poor, hard-workin Guys, such as me." "Ion wrong us," .said the Great Lady, in a Tone of Gentle Sadness. "My Hus band never flim-flams the poor laborer. All that he has he made by Shifting the Cut on the small Stockholders. "We are much Interested In the "Working Classes and wish to establish a free Lecture Course, so that the Poor may learn all about An thropology. "Very often I go and sing Solos at Mission Entertainments, but in spite of this my poor Husband Is pictured as a hungry Octopus, who has taken a death grip on the Consumer." "I'd hate to be a Corporation Director," said the Steam-Fitter. "The Mug that controls a Million Bucks ain't got a friend on Earth except the People who happen to be with him at the time. All the Con gressmen throw Bricks at him. and the Editorial "Writers toast him to a Crisp. The Rainbow Weeklies put hhn In Car toons as having four Chins and a "Waist Measurement of 52, whereas all the Money-Getters I ever spotted were as thin as rails and looked as if they had to live on Tea and Toast. Bat the "Worklngman! He's thfr Boy that gets all the Violets. "When they put me into a Cartoon they make me out to be a handsome Charley with my Sleeves rolled up and a set of 'Muscles that would make Jeffries ashamed of himself. I aiways wear a dinky Paper Cap and a full growth of Presbyterian whiskers. Every time I see a Picture of the Americas "Worklngman in three Col ors, I'm glad that I'm sot a low-down UNLOADING AMERICAN GOODS facturlng city, making dye stuffs and chemicals, corks and cars, beer and glass bottles, agricultural implements, pianos, cocoanut butter, cigars and a scoro of other things. Its analine dye plant is the largest in the world, its exports to the United States alone amounting to $100,000 a month. It has 4000 men in Its chemical works, 1400 workmen in Its comb and doll factories and other thousands making wood pulp, which, steange to say, lt ex ports to the United States. It also sends us patent leather to the value of some thing like $1,000,000 a year, and at the Bame time buys a few American shoes. It uses American tobacco and makes mil lions of cigars every week, which are shipped to all parts of Germany. .Nerr German Tovras. These Rhine towns are among the new est of the German cities. This statement seems strange when one remembers that they thrived in the days of the crusaders. Cologne was founded about the time that Caesar overran Gaul. It was so rich dur ing the middle ages that Instead of saying "as rich as Croesus" they said "as rich as a cloth merchant of Cologne," and It has been an important town from that time until now. And still it is a new town! Since the Franco-Prussian war lt has been almost rebuilt. The old wall has been torn away, and a wide street, paved with asphalt, with trees In the center and rldeways and driveways oh each side, has taken Its place. New houses have been erected along this street, and. Indeed, the whole city looks as though It were put up for show. It is only in the older sections that you find antique structures, and the cathe dral, although begun centuries ago, was only completed along In the '80s. It Is now the finest cathedral In Europe, and cost, all told, a little lees than $3,000,000. Dusseldorf Is also a new town, and there are new buildings all along the Rhine, In cluding the villas of the rich, which have grown up under the shadows of mediaeval castles. The Rhine cities are new In their sys tems of government. Municipal ownership Is coming to the front along the old river. There Is much city pride, and but little boodllng. Dusseldorf owns Its own gas and electric light plants. It has public bathhouses, where you can get at cost a Turkish or Russian bath, first, second or third class. It has Its own slaughter houses and market-houses and Its own Ico plants and cold-storage establish ments. The municipality acts also as a wlno merchant, selling wine by whole sale, and making a profit off of It It has a municipal savings bank, with a pawnbroklng attachment, and also homes for the aged and those who are too feeble to earn their own living. Dusseldorf owns its street-cars and so does Cologne, and the fares in both cities are just about half what they are In the United States and the accommodations equally good. My car fares cost me about $5 a month, or 5C0 a year, while at home in "Washington. In Dusseldorf I could have the same for just half and save 530. Here In Cologne one can buy a yearly pass good on all lines for $30, monthly passes are sold for $2.33 and the ordinary 1 fare for the longest distance is 3 cents, OF MISDIRECTED SYMPATHY AND THE STEAMFITTER Capitalist I may not handle as much Coin as some of the Shell-Workers that J hang out in Wall street, but any time that I feel discouraged all I have to do is dig up my 30 Cents and go to a Variety Show and then I find out that I am the only true-hearted and honest American, except the gallant Volunteer. The very best Friend that Union Labor has in this Country is the Vawdyville Artist who works 28 -Minutes a Day for 51T5 a Week." "Still, with your restricted Income, you cannot seek tho elevating Influences of our kind of Society," said the Lady of the House. "That must grind you a good deal, especially If you have Children growing up. I can imagine that it would be hard lines to know that your Offspring have no Social Careers awaiting them." "Me and my Wife lay awake Nights and cry about it," said the Steam-Fitter. "We thought for a while we might save up and buy Jimmy an Auto, but when we looked in the Catalogue we found that the Price was 14000. So we decided It he wanted to practice Homicide it would be cheaper to get him on the Police Force. Being too poor to send him to a University, we let him take Lessons at a Boxing- Academy, and now, w,hen any one starts a Rough House, he is almost as handy as a regu lar Student. He can smoke Egyptian Cigarettes -and blow the Smoke through his Nose and give me the Laugh when I call him down, and so I feel that we have accomplished by Home Training what might have been expected from a College Course. As for Vivian, our bright-eyed little Daughter, she Is the zippiest High Flyer that speeds the Boulevard. When it comes to French Heels and the long Straight Front and all klnd3 of Blouse hanging in front of her, she can make the average Society Bud look like a bum Imi tation. She has one of those wig-wag Walks the kind that -makes People jump off of the Sidewalk. Of course, she Is only the Daughter of an Obscure Steam Fltter, but let me give you a Pointer. Tou can't tell by lookln at one of these Fairies nowadays what kind of Clothes her Father wears. When it comes to Lugs, I can't see that the Heiress has any Bulge on the simple Working Girl. As for butting Into the Social Swim, she has a Scheme all framed up, by which she expects to become acquainted with all of the gold-plated Johnnies who Infest the Municipality. She is going on the Stage "to be a Show GIrL She says that the Debutante seldom has more than one on her Staff, while the Show Girl can. take, her Pick of a large Bunch. So you see that la these Days of Public Schools and cheap Readiag Matter and custom-made AT COLOGNE. while the shortest distance coats lesa than 2 cents. -Children under 10 years pay less than 2 cents, and students attending educational Institutions have commuta tion tickets for 11-5 cents. The chief ad vantage that the railroads here have over those at home Is in the lower wages for motormen and other employes, for coal, steel rails and car equipments must cost about the same. As to wages, motormen receive 83 cents and conductors about 72 cents for a day of ten hours, and other employes are proportionately cheap. It is wonderful how the Rhine Valley Is cultivated. For the greater part of the distance between Cologne and Mainz it is very hilly, but every Inch of available space is used. The mountains are ter raced In places, the earth being held in with walls of stones, and some of It, I am told, carried up from the lowlands on the backs of women' and men. Some of the patches are no larger than a bed quilt, and a field a yard wide will run a long dis tance around a hill or up a mountain. This Is especially so In the vine-growing regions, which are in the most mountain ous parts of the valley. The land Is so rough that all cultivation must be with the hoe or the spade, and hence back breaking. The grapes are planted In row3 running up and down hllL Each vine has its ' own stake, and lt is cut down to a central stem or stump every year. All along the river under such vineyards are little towns of one or two-story houses with roofs of slate or tiles. There are no houses In the vineyards, the most char acteristic buildings being the white stone castles high up on the sides of the moun tains. The soil is carefully handled. It Is fer tilized and so treated that although lt has been producing for centuries It still yields abundantly. I expected to find Rhine wines on the Rhine very cheap, but the beet are exceedingly dear. The prices rise and fall according to the season,- .for sometimes the crop is short, causing a general rise. One of the best wine regions Is that of the Rhelngau, which runs for about 15 miles along the river. It Is here that the Johannesberger wines are produced. They come from about 55 acres of vineyards, being made from the best grapes raised on that area. The Idea prevails in the United States that the Germans drink only beer. This Is not true. They consume vast quanti ties of wine, and their wines on the aver ago are good. Every city has scores of wine restaurants, and many hotels have their wine restaurants and beer restau rants side by side. The difference Is that anything ordered In the wine restaurant costs considerably more than the same thing in the beer restaurant Even beer costs more if taken In the wine restau rants. The people often drink wine with their meals, and it is a common thing to carry wine along with a lunch on the cars. As to beer, lt takes the place of water among young and old, and no one thinks anything strange of children drinking It. I .saw a school teacher bring 30 school children into a restaurant the other day. He ordered dinner for them, and each had her pint glass of beer. FRANK G. CARPENTER. (Copyright, 1903.) COMEBACK OF THE LOWLY Imitations, even the most Humble can occasionally make a Bluff at being the Real Thing. So long as my Children hoot at my Suggestions and tell me every Day where to get off or how to back over the Dump, Papa will not be alto gether discouraged in regard to their So cial Careers. In fact, the only thing that worries me Is the Fear that I won't be able to keep up with them." "I am glad to find you so Philosophical," said the Millionairess. "After reading several Books written by College Profes sors who disguised themselves as Labor ers and went and lived among the down trodden Masses, I have supposed that a Steam-Fitter was a rather gloomy Propo sition." "Why should I be gloomy? The formal Dinner Party is the Champion Gloom-Factory, and I never have to go near one of them. I don't have to wear my Intel lect to a Frazzle keeping up with Pop ular Novels. When a Foreign Musician or a Lady with a new System of Cul turitis bobs up on the Horizon, I don't have to go chasing around, letting on that I am interested. Tou never see me at once of these punk Amateur Perform ances, applauding the Bank Accounts. Nobody expects me to make any Calls, and I never drink Tea except when I want it The Scandal Sheet3 never show up my Family History, and as far as I can learn, my Wife never hired a Detective to watch me. It is true that sometimes I find nothing on the Menu except Corned Beef and what goes with it, but I tear into it with an appetite thpt would be worth $3,000,000 to Rockefeller at this Minute. And now, Lady, according to the Rules of the Union, I must knock oft Xor today, as It Is 5 o'clock." "Tour story has interested me," said the Lady of the House. "I should Like to visit your Family and write a Paper on the Home Life of the Tollers." "I'm sorry we can't have you," was the Reply. "Tou Society Ducks don't care who you Invite; but I'm an Officer of the Union, and I'll queer myself if I begin to associate with the disreputable Rich. Tou'll have to put up with your own Kind." Moral: The Wealthy have nothing left except Money. (Copyright, 1S03.) All. iu the Family. Philadelphia Press. "All you people of this congregation," said the self-willed minister, "are entirely too stubborn. Tou're Tegular mulea," "Ah yes." replied the mild meaVer, "now I understand why yon always ad drees us as 'Dear Brethren.'"