THE SUNDAY OREGQHIAN, PORTLAND. OCTOBER 14, 1900.
27
I v M""""" "
Attainment.
He "hid read "The Boy Detective," "Diamond
Dick" and all the rest;
And be loused to whirl the lasso o'er the wild
sad -woolly West
Hnrl the swift unerring lasso, and to mako
Its dreamy coll
Snsko the victim from this vale of mundane
trouble and turmoil;
And at last the lofty pinnacle he mounted at
Si hound
He assistant third dog-catcher and "The
Terror of the Pound!"
Iios Angeles Time.
CAME OUT IN THE, WASH
EmbatrratMlnc Experience of Report
er "Wio "Was Seat to "Write-Up"
t Group of Elopement.
It "happened to a young anS compara
tively new reporter on a Chicago paper.
The time -was1 early one Sunday after
noon, and he was the only man Immedi
ately available.
"I want you to go to Oshkosh, Wis.,"
said the city editor, hurrying: ,lnto the
room, "and you have barely time to Jump
Into a cab and make 'the train. Here's
some expense money and a dispatch from
our local ct rrespondent that will evplaln
what ou'ro after. Send in a good story."
Then, as the reporter rushed for the ele
vator he called after him: "You'll prob
ably find the telegraph office closed Sun
day night. Hunt up the operator the first
thing, or you may never get him."
. On the train the young man had an op
portunity to find out what ho was going
after, and it certainly looked like a good
story from a news point of view. Three
girls belonging to prominent families had
mysteriously disappeared from a college
located at Oshkosh, and two possible ex
planations were given. One was that
they had eloped. They were inseparable
companions, had rooms In the same
boarding-house, and a rumor of a triple
love affair had been current for some
time. Jf this should prove not to be the
case, the college authorities were satisfied
that they had been drowned. Lake Wlne
"b"ago was frozen over at the time, and
one boy reported that he had seen them
.far out on the Ice, which was known to
" be liberally sprinkled with air holes.
A triple elopement or a triple tragedy?
Three beautiful girls for all girls are
beautiful in these circumstances belong
ing to prominent families, speeding away
fropi home and classmates with angry
fathers in pursuit, or lying cold In death
at the bottom of the icy lake! It cer
tainly was a fine Monday morning story.
Hired a. Hack.
As the city editor had predicted, the
telegraph office was closed when the young
man reached it, so he hired a haok and
started after the operator. He was wise
. enough tq know that the best story that
ever hapened is of no use to the man who
cannot get it to his office, and operators
are easier to find at 3 o'clock than they
are at 11 or 12.
This onq was found at the home of his
best girl, and It "required some'llttle finan
cial' persuasion to Induce him to leave
her and open the office. However, he
promised to be on hand when, the Chicago
man got back from the college, whlcE
was a mile or two away, so the latter
started after; his story.
.- It was what might be termed a "rush
Job." Time was everything, and it was
getting late. The new reporter felt that
his reputation and, in a measure, his fu
ture, rested upon his getting a full and
graphic tale to the'home office at the earl
iest possible moment, and the judicious
Investment of a few dollars with the
"'cabby" resulted In putting the horses
In a gallop.
The boarding-house of the girls was lo
cated with some difficulty, and only after
numerous inquiries, but he finally reached
it, rushed up the steps and rang the bell
vigorously.
"I came to Inquire about Miss Jones."
he said when the door was finally opened.
That wasn't her name, but for the pur
poses of this narrative It will have to do.
"Step In," said the woman at the door!
"I'll call her."
'You'll you'll what!" he cried.
"I'll call her," she repeated. "You said
you'd like to see her, didn't you?"
He hadn't said so, but he thought It ad
visable to answer "Yes." and then, as
he stepped into the hall, he asked rather
doubtfully, "Is Miss Smith here, too?"
"Yes," was the reply. "I'll .call them
both."
"And and Miss Brown?"
'Oh, yes."
Kice Predicament.
The young man was actually quite weak
when three pretty young women entered
the room and looked at him inquiringly.
It was a nice predicament for an enter
prising' journalist to be placed in. What
was he to say to them? None of the
questions he had intended to ask the
boarding-house keeper and their class
mates would suit the present emergency.
However, there might still be a story
back of it all, so he suggested, as deli
cately as he could, that word had been
received in Chicago that they had left
town without getting permission of the
college authorities, as was required by
the rules, and were last seen on Lake
Winnebago. They admitted that this was
correct, but they did not see why it
should interest the people of Chicago
They had not asked permission to go be
cause they did not care to explain their
reason for wanting to absent themselves.
This admission looked promising, and he
promptly Intimated that he would like
to know where they went.
"Across the lake," they said.
"Why?"
They blushed and said it was not a mat
ter that would Interest newspaper read
ers. He persisted in presenting' we ques
tion, and told them It was rumored they
had eloped. They blushed again, but de
nied that there was any truth in the
story. He urged that as the paper he
represented had gone to the expense of
sending him to Oshkosh to get the facts 1
ne would very much like to learn the true
Inwardness of the affair, If only to satisfy
the managing editor. They demurred and
he argued. Finally they became desper
ate. "We live across the lake," explained one
of them, at last
"Oh!" said the reporter.-
"And our washing- is done at home."
"Oh!" he said again.
"And they failed to send it over to us
last week, and we wanted some clean
clothes for Sunday, so there, now! I
hbpe your prying old paper Is satisfied."
And they all blushed more furiously than
ever.
The youngr man's curiosity was satisfied'
Trery much satisfied but It wasn't until
he sot back to Chicago that the full meaning-
of his dispatch, "No story. Girls went
after their wash," was understood In the
home office. Chicago Evening Post.
"PAWS" IDEA OP IT.
He Discourses of Certain Traits of
'Hewmnn Naiteher."
"I can't see," maw told paw after we
got gathered around the Family surckle
the other nite, becoz It was too cold to
try to Stay out and mingle with the mus
keatos, "why they try to Go on finding
the North pole. I see Sumbuddy else just
got Pack from there without Quite
Reaching it"
"Well," paw Bays, "it's hewmun naltch-
IT FETCHED JACK.
"Do you think the moon has any power of attraction?"
"It drew a proposal out of Jack lost night"
er. That's the hole trubble. If It
wouldn't be for poor old hewmun
naiteher nobuddy would ever feel of a
Buzz saw to see If It was sharp. It's the
same thing that makes lots of peeple get
married. You can tell the fello that
sticks out, his finger and tutches the buzz
saw that It's Sharp, but he wants to see
for Himself, and if forty mlllyun peeple
with experiunce went to a person that
made up His mind to Get married with
only seven Dollars In his pocket and a
due Bill In for next week's wages and
Told him he would be sorry as soon as the
Glammor got rubbed off Do you think he
would e'pose their words Come from the
hart?
'Wo! There's where poor old hewmun
naiteher makes reason totter on - Her
.thrown, and the First thing; you no,
smash she goes like a Fat lady falling
down tjie seller stairs. He couldn't take
other peeple's word for It But had to go
abed and see for -himself. All you ever
haft to Do to get peeple to try things Is
Off HI Feet.
'Tisn't of n that a rider git a sentimental
streak,
Lets, his heart become so mushy that It
springs a tender leak.
Tisn't ofn that he loses half his hankerln
fur food.
An' he -wakes an' lays a thlnkln in the
nightly Bolltude.
Looks ridiculous to see him goln round with
dreamy eyes.
An' -when nobody ain't lookln' lettln' go of
, easy sighs.
But I reckon that the Maker -when' he shaped
him out of clay
Knowed about what He was doln when Ho
built him that-away.
It was at a danco I met her down to Daly's
on the creek, '
She's a bunch o' sassy sweetness quicker than
a llghtnln streak; r
Built up trimmer than "a Jersey, with the
sort o glrly snap
Tnat Is apt to play the devil with the rough
est ridln' chap.
Had a sort o" lovln' glitter bunched up In her
purty eyes,
That'd thrill you to a finish, start you feelln'
fur the skies,
An the sunny smile that flickered now an
then acrost her face
Was the sort t'd knck a feller's independence
from Its base.
When I got to dancln' with her there's a
tbrillln' sort of feel.
'Went a gallyflutln' through me from som
brero cl'ar to heel.
An I seemed to float on nothln as we
waltzed around the hail
Somehow thought my toes fur sartln never
touched the floor at all.
Never bellered when I squeezed her, let me
hug her up so clus
That the same warm blood seemed mtnglin
In the veins of both of us.
I could feel her heart a beatln "right agin my
hardened breast
Like it was a .feelln lonesome an was huntln'
fur a nest
Bin & feelln mighty restles an' oneasy ever
since;
Bomethln stings me In the bosom till It fair
ly makes me wine.
Keep a thlnkln", thlnkln', thlnkln' o' that
little rancher slrl
Till my brain Is in a tangle a sort o crazy
whirl.
Ain't no good at workln' cattle like I used
to on the ranre r
An rfn skeered sometimes a thlnkln if there.
doesn't come a change
I will git the wheels a-buzzln' In my heart
an' have to go
Fur a mental overhaulln' to tho crazy house.
Helgho!
Kansas City Star.
Fair Exchange.
To-Mlllicent I said, one day,
"You act a robber's pat.
For when at love I wished to play
You stole away my heart"
"That you should always heartless be
Would be most sad," she said. .
"So since your's now belongs to me.
Please tako my heart instead.'"1
Denver Times.
to give them solium warnings that If
foolish. It's a pitty, enn buddy ever
Btarted the rumor that drinking stuff
which makes abuddy forget he Has a
reputation he ot to Live up to ain't sens
able. Sign of Good Sense.'
"If everybuddy would get to thinking
It was a sine of good Sents for a man to
go out and get bo a Hog with decent
fambly connections wouldn't like to .get
seen in his cumpny It would be a sad day
for some of the Real estate men that are
trying to lead blalmless llfes and make
the world anobuller Better place, becoa
they mltent be able to rent their blldings
for more'n half as mutch as the saloons
give.
"It's a wonder the preachers never thot
About that skeem, too. If they would
thro out Hints that enny man would be
a Fool for going- to church next Sundy I
bet they would haft to Bring all the loose
chairs up from the Basement and get
poleas proteckshuh so the wlmmen and
Children wouldn't get crushed in the
Crowd."
"Of corse," maw told him when she Got
a chance, "I spose you no what you're
talking about But I was wondering why
Peeple go on trying to find the North
Pole."
"That's what I was explaining," paw
anserd. 'It's hewmun naiteher. You
can't slop them, becoz nearly everybuddy
keeps saying It's foolish and wouldn't do
us enny Good even If we found It"
"What do you think it Looks like,
paw?" little Albert ast.
"Oh, about like the middle of a Frog
pond along tords Chrlstmus," paw sed.
"It wouldn't be so Bad If we Didn't haft
to send relief expedishens to Bring the
explorers Back as soon as they hoist a
Flag thurty Seven feet neerer the pole
than ennybuddy ever Got before. ' That
costs good munny that might be used for
publishing .Speeches Statesmun were
agoing to make In Congress If they Didn't
get lief to Print and sending millions of
them out all over the country where they
won't ever get Red.
"Think how much nobuller It would Be
to save hewmun llfes that way tthan by
spending the munny to rescue Artick ex
plorers that didn't haft to go In the first
place."
"Well, do you Think It'll ever be
Found?" maw ast
"Yes," paw sed, "rome day it'll get ru
Autumn In Lost Creek.
I love tho Autumn when the breezes' sigh,
Like lovelorn maidens, through the waving
trees.
When little birdies chirp a last good-bye
And pull their freight toward the Southern
seas.
I love It for the vlg'rous health It brings.
The energy which all our souls doth flood,
And we no more need sassafras and things
To knock Impurities from out our blood
When not a pimple comes to dlsenhance
The smoothness of a maiden's countenance.
I love the Autumn when the leaves begin
To turn the color of the golden fawn.
When fellows all the harder strive to win
Their girls for wives as Winter cometh on.
"When In the chaparral the feathered grouse
Doth cower at the hunter's stealthy feet
And flics no longer buzz around the house
And get In things we have prepared to eat
When cheery Bob White's whistle In the wood
And flannel lingerie feels mighty good I
I love the Autumn when the breezes shake
The pointed needles from the solemn pines,
When cloud3 bunch up 4n masses, and then
break
Away and through the silts the warm sun
shines.
But paramount to all, I lore It for
True lovers then can sit out In the daik
With" no mosquitoes Jlmmln' 'round to mar
The sweet felicitation of the spark.
Ah! nothing stirs the soul from top to bottom
With calm, complacent 'bliss like lovely Au
tumn. Denver Times.
"Winter's Mease.
"Ulster Winter,, sen' a breeze.
Blowln' high on low; "
Tell me: "Ef you want ter freeze
Lemmo In thes- do!
Heah my fros', en heah my snow
Rise en lemme in de do'!"
Mister Winter, please come 'lone--'
Whor you loafln at?
Lemme heah de flddlo song ,
Carve de 'possum fat!
Den he holler high en low,
"Rise en lemme in de do'!"
Summer lef me high en dry
Slam de do' ker bla-am
Kick dat log twell red sparks fly
Take yo' mawnln' dram!
Winter holler high en low,
"Rise en lemme In de do'!"
Atlanta Constitution.
.My Little Sweetheart.
I've a loyal little sweeheart; though the world
should turn from me.
She would only cling the closer and my happy
comrade be. .
When I face the world's rough weather, I
am sure of a retreat
By my own bright chimney corner with my
darling at my feet
Lifting up her pure white blossom of a. child's
unclouded face,
Lighting with her blue eyes shining every
bard and lonely place.
I've a loyal little sweetheart, and her years
that count but three
Are worth more than gems of gold, for this
true heart believes in me.
Harper's Bazar.
mored that they are Gold there, and
Then England'll send a war Ship and
some Surveyors up and run Her bound
ery Line through It, so only one edge'll
be Stlcken outside for the other nations
to camp on."
"Georgle," In Chicago Times-Herald.
PRESERVING SUMMER RESORT.
Protective Lenerue to Hold Monled
Idiot In Bounds.
"I spent several week3 last Summer In
a quaint, delightful littler mountain vil
lage In South Carolina," said an old
clubman, the other evening, "and I found
a , rule in force there which could be
adopted with advantage at numerous
other localities. I went to the place by
mere chance, and one of the first things
that Impressed me after my .arrival wa3
the total absence of the extortion one
usually encounters at even, the smallest
resorts. Everything- was amazingly good
and reasonable, and I marveled how the
natives-had been kept unspoiled.
"One afternoon during the first week of
my stay I found out I was' sitting on
the porch of the little hotel when a bug
gy drove up and a well-dressed man de
scended. He was a new arrival, who
had been taking a ride In the mountains.
" "What do I owe you?' he asked of the
countryman who drove' the rig. 'Oh, I
reckon a dollar's enough,' drawled the
other. 'Pshaw!' exclaroed the stranger;
'It's' worth' more than, that Here's a ?2
bill.'
"The money was 'about to change,
hands, when a broad-shouldered chap
from Louisville who had been staying at
the.'hotel all summer jumped up from a
chair at my side and stepped between
the pair.
" "Hold on!' he said Urmly. 'We can't
allow that Give the driver what he
asks, but no more.' "Well, I don't see
that this Is any of your business,'
drawled the newcomer, In great surprise.
'I propose to make it my business,' re
torted the Louisville man. 'Give him a
dollar and let him go.' I'll be hanged If
a will,' said the stranger,, getting red.
Til pay him what I blamed please.
'Then you'll have me to lick,' said the
Kentuckian calmly, and peeled off his
coat The other man took a look at hl3
torso and weakened. 'Oh, well, he said,
'It Isn't worth (fighting about,' and with
that he tossed the. countryman a dollar
and strode Inside.
" 'We have to do this In self-defense,
said the Louisville man apologetically,
as he resumed his seat 'A few of us dis
covered this resort and now we're trying
to keep It uncontamlnated. About all the
pleasant loafing places In Europe and
America have been spoiled by confounded
Idiots who have more money than brains
and Insist on overpaying for everything
they get. The consequence Is that they
bull prices to such an extent that fellows
of moderate means like myself can't
afford to take a vacation, and some of us
old boaTders have quietly organized a
protective league to hold things down to
a reasonable level. We have had to lick
two New Yorkers and a dude from Phila
delphia, but altogether the scheme has
worked first rate.'
"I 'applied for membership Immediately,
and never enjoyed a visit more in my life.
There ought to be branch leagues all over
the country." New Orleans Times-Democrat
TRAGEDY OF THE TYPES.
Sad Predicament of a Rash Wooer of
the Poetic Muse.
.He had not the look of a poet, and as a
matter of fact he had never mistrusted
before that he was one. But he loved
a girl, and love makes poets of us all.
"Here." he said, offering a folded sheet
of paper to the editor, "Is a little thing
1 have written, and I thought perhaps
The Conference Chicken.
In McKeesport there's a fragrance
That is wafted far and wide.
And lt'B oomlng from the chickens
Being roasted, boiled or fried.
Shanghais, Plymouth Rocks and Leghorns,
Cochins, Hamburgs, Wyandottes
And all other breeds are going
Into skillets, pans and pots.
There Is 'squawking in the morning.
And again 'tis heard ere noon;
There is squawking In the evening,
Late at. night the same old tune.
Now and then some fowl goes sprinting
At a very rapid gait
But In vain are all Its struggles.
For at last It meets its fate.
Here a faithful hen Is missing;
Tnere an ancient chanticleer,
And among the tender pullets
There Is havoc that's severe.
In the coop there's lamentation.
In .the hennery there's woe.
While those still surviving wonder
Which will be the next to go.
There are many piles of feather
Scattered all around the town.
And. a, lot of people wonder
What Is mowing chickens down;
But the. squawking and tho fragrance
Furnish plainest evidence
That McKeesport's serving chicken
To the M. E. Conference.
There are questions of Importance
That- tho brethren must decide,
And by long and busy sesslonn
Oft their strength Is sorely tried
And to, save them from exhaustion
- There must bo good things to est.
So the chickens have to suffer
When the M. E. parsons meet
PIttsburgr Chronicle-Telegraph.
Some Pumpkins.
You want to brace up, Mandy, when you see
me comin' round, ,
I'm a person of importance. It has suddenly
been found
That tho question of this Government an'
whether It shall lost
Must finally be answered by the way my vote
is cast
The orators havo said It; they have said It
loud an' long; .,
They said It so emphatic that of course, they
can't be wrons.
So act respectful, Mandy, not famlllar-llke an'
free,"
The country Is In peril, an' it all depends
on me.
I am the solid citizen; the man who tills tho
soil.
The waters have grown troubled an they're
hollerln' ,for oil. ,
So, Mandy, don't you bother mo with talk
about the 'chores. , '
An start me out off-hand a-doln' errands
out o' doors. ,
An' when I'm- meditatln', don't you glvo my
mind a shock
By rattlln' pans or kettles or a-wlndln of
the clock.
My.llvin' here should mako you Jes' &a proud
. as you kin be.
The country Is in peril, an it all depends on
me. Washington Star. .
you would like to print It. I don't care
for any pay. Let mo read It to you:
LINES TO LAURA.
Ah, heartless girl! If you were like
Your kindly mother Is, I trow
"Never mind," the editor Interrupted,
"I will look It over at my leisure, and
If I can use It I will do so."
There was a "wild, hunted" look in
his eyes when he rushed into the office
the next morning and dropped down on
the chair that the editor pushed forward.
After he had panted for a moment he
said:
"I am here Is my card!"
"Oh, yes," the editor said, "I remember
you. You are the young man who brought
i a poem in yesterday to submit ror puo-
llcatlon. I think it was in the paper tms
morning, wasn't It?"
"Yes It was In!" the poet said between
his gasps. "You remember that It was
headed, "Lines to Laura,' don't you?"
"Now that you call the matter to my
mind, I do."
"Well. Laura Is not a fictitious name.
Laura Is really the name of the lady the
lines were written for. I told Laura I
NEARSIGHTEDNESS.
Xmw
. "I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT
was writing the poem; also I permitted
Laura's mother to know about It I love
Laura. But let me read no, don't be
frightened only two lines as it appears
In the paper:
LINES TO LAURA:
Ah, beardless girl. If you were Ilka
Your kindly mother Is, I trow
After the editor had thought about it
for a moment, he asked:
"What do you propose to do?"
"Run!" said the poet, and he started
at once Chicago Times-Herald.
UGLIEST MAX IN TEXAS.
He's a Preacher, and His Face "Wo old
Stop a Clock.
There Is a man In Texas who Is a living
wonder. He is a preacher of no small
Preempted.
I've trudged and I've starved and I've frozen
All over this white, barren land,
Where the sea stretches straight white and
silent,
Where the tlmberless white mountains stand;
From the white peaks that gleam In the
moonlight
Like a garment that graces a soul
To the last whlto sweep of the prairies
Where the black shadows brood round the
pole.
I've panned from Peru to Point Barrow,
But I've never located a claim
Till I'd full persuaded my conscience
That pay dirt pervaded the same;
And this Is the source of my sorrow.
As you jwlll be forced to agree
When you learn how relentless Misfortune
Has dumped all her tailings on me.
I worked with my pardner all Summer
Crosscutting a cussed old creek.
Which we never once thought of locating
Unless we located the streak.
We traversed the too-twlstlng tundra,
Whero reindeer root round for tbelr feed.
And the hungry Laplanders who herd them
Devour thorn before they can breed.
We found there beaches of ruby
And mountains with placers and leads.
And all sa'e the sky was preempted
By salt-water sailors and Swedes.
We're too slow for the new breed of miners,
Embracing all classes of men.
Who locate by power of attorney.
And prospect their claims with a pen;
Who do all their fine work through agents
And loaf round the town with the sport
On lntlmato terms with the lawyers.
On similar terms with the courts.
Samuel C. Dunham, in New York Sun.
Jud's Advantage.
Old Dan'l Wllklson was rich, he'd traveled
everywhere;
He'd been to Egypt and he'd seen the ruins
that are there;
He'd been to Europe and around to China and
Japan
Old Dan'l Wilkinson was what they call a
traveled man.
Now old Jud Parker he was poor, like lots, of
others are;
He had to work away and save he'd never
traveled far.
And one day him and Dan'l they were talkln
at the store.
And Jud was gold' on because be hadn't gad
ded more. .
"I'd .like to see the world," says he; "I'd like
to have a chance
To go to England, Germany and Italy and
France
But no I I'vo never got acrosst no lino that
separates
Tho rest of this big planet from these hero
United States!"
Then Wilkinson ho set a while a-pullin' his
goatee,
And pretty soon ho Bays to Jud, quite solemn
like, says he:
"You've never got outside this land! That's
snd, I will admit
But think of them poor devils, Jud, that ain't
hAon In It vlt!"
S. E. Klser, in Chicago Times-Herald. 1
note, and a singer after the sweetest
order. That he is the ugliest man In all
the region goes without controversy. If
he visits a city they meet him with a
closed carriage. Every man wants to
send hl3 neighbor to walk with him
through the village street
One day a certain gentleman presented
this preacher who, as some define him.
Is a cross between an impossibility and
a failure with a fine pocket-knife. The
present was made on the condition that
when he met an uglier man than himself
he must give that man the knife and state
that condition a3 a reason for so doing.
Time wore away until this deformed ap
parition met a certain other preacher
in Texas. A colloquy ensued.
"Here's your knife."
"I haven't lost any knife."
"But I say, here's your knife."
"Look here! Don't be so obstreperous.
I've lost no knife."
"My friend told me to take this knife
and keep it until I could give It to a man
o5
BALL DROPPED HEREABOUTS."
uglier than myself. Take this knife It
Is yours."
This preacher was also a Texas pioneer.
The fact that he wa3 born In this Em
pire State, does not account however, for
his awful deformities about the face. Like
most mortally tigly men, he Is married
to a woman of fine appearance.
He was delivering a lecture- on the
pioneer days of Texas In a hamlet not far
from the capital of Hunt County. Ho in
troduced his lecturo with a prayer. Dur
ing the Invocation he grew eloquent
"Oh, Lord," he said, "we recognize the
guidance of Thine own hand. Thou hast
kept us under the shadow of Thy wing.
Remember our loved one at home. Watch
over U3. Preserve us as the apple of
Thine eye and bring us safe to her loved
embrace again."
The leader of tho choir, now touring
Love's Mnrket.
Tho way to tho market of lo-ro Is alight
With tho smtlo of tho dawn and tho dow.
And the lanes are all rosy with pansy and
posy.
So happy to havo you pass through.
The goods at love's market are varied and rich
And the price of each purchase a bliss;
So you stoop to the little red lips that await
And pay the sweet debt with & kiss.
The wares that are sold are tho apples of
mirth.
The blossoms ot tenderness, fair;
And then there are laughter, and muslo, and
song.
All shown on .tho market stands there.
You go through tho lano whero tho song
bird's refrain
Fills tho mornlnjr with rondels of bliss.
And each purchase you make, for tho love
market's sake.
You pay the sweet debt with a kiss.
You will meet many market-men goina; that
way.
With hearts full of loving to buy
A smile from the face of & fair little maid
To hang In their chambers on high.
You will see many people with baskots to flit
As they pause at the counters of bliss.
To purchase a. word that Is tender with hope.
And to pay tho sweet debt with a kiss.
There are maidens who wait on the stands
and the stalls.
And they offer you beauty and grace.
With a smile that is full of the soul of tho
sun
As he shines with his fair morning face;
So you sigh and you buy and yoa go tho fair
way.
With basket o'erbrlmming with bliss.
As you stoop to the little red lips that await
To receipt the sweet debt wlthai kiss.
Baltimore News.
The Spirit- of War.
It stolo to birth on a peaceful earth
In the stlnjr of a foolish jest.
And It crept to tho ken of Idling men
In tho need ot Its guilty quest.
It passed In tho might of an injured right
From doubt to deep applause.
Till It fed tho Are of a blinded Iro
In the guise ot a, holy canse.
It blotted the lease "of a palsied peace
As It sped through tho Senate hall.
And It flew full free with a Power's decree
In the crash of a buirlo call.
It rushed with tho clank of the sabered rank.
And the vulture screamed to Its kind
As It swept to the fore with a blood-whet roar
And the thundering hoofs behind.
And it called upon Death with Its hot-drawn
breath
And they drank where the life-blood fell.
And they reigned whero they fed on the
screeching lead
From the mouths of a loosened Hell.
But a cry, heart-wrung, from a woman's
tongue
As the rumbling death-cart passed
Uprose from tho sod to a tender God,
And he turned from War, aghast
Thomas Blckct in tho Bookman.
with a noted evangelist: la the North,!
blubbered out a prolonged grunt, ands
said. "Oh Lordy mercy!"
After it was all over I said to him:
"P , what In the world possessed you?"
"Well, sir," he replied, "I Imagined I
could see that prayer In the process of
being answered. Think of a woman hold
ing that varmint In her arm3." Galves
ton News.
HERR HOPP BUYS A LOT.
HI Fran Show "Wherein He Wan
Ton Chump, Vance."
Herr Hopf and the blue pitcher were
making their regular twilight excursio
when tho suave young man arrived.
. - . .. -
"uooa evening, mr. iiopr, greeted th
latter, "here 13 a free excursion ticket,
am in the real estate business now. Com'
out and see our new town. Buy yoursel
a homo In the suburbs. We aro sellln
those lota dirt cheap. In one year they'I
be worth five times the price wo ask to
"day. Take my advice and buy ono o
Dewey avenue. Good-bye, and don't fo
get the excursion; won't cost you a pen
ny."
The suave young man ran after a car,
and Herr Hopf examined the ticket H
also read the circular that had a map o
tho town. Then he went back and con
suited tho fratt
"Lena, here was- a chance for an oud
Ing. I dake der day off tomorrow und
und see der" scenery and get der fresh at
all for nuddlng."
"All rlghdt Louie, but don't be a chum
for vonce, no. Don't go oudt nnd spen
money on rocks and bushes and dlnlc 1
vas a city lot, vonce."
Next day Herr Hopf went on the excur
slon. Ho was met at the station by on
of tho land company agents.
"Now If you want a good Investment,
said the agent, "buy on Banner street"
"But vore vaa Dewey avenue, h'm,?"
'Dewey avenue? Thero it is ove
there."
"Dere vas nuddlng dere but a gully.
"Thnt'3 all right in six months the
can be a row of' cottages there."
In stumbling over the uneven surfac
tho Teuton kicked up a lump of fllnj
substance. It resembled uncut crysta
Presently he found several lumps.
"By chlmay." he thought, "dere must b
a deboslt on der lot no vone knows o:
vonce. It may he breclous. Der lot va
cheap; I'll buy und haf der blace mined
He sought the land agent and had th
deed signed on the spot
Then the Teuton went home with a b!
Imagination and a pocketful of tho whit
lumps.
"You dake der samples to der man d
has der minerals In der window," he tol
the frau at supper, "und he vlll dell yo
vot it vas. I haf to go by der brewe;
und haf no dime."
When he came home the next even!
the frau met him at tho door.
"Louie, did you buy der lot alretty?"
"Yah!"
"Did dey sign der deed?"
"Yah!"
"You va3 von chump, vonce."
"Vot did der mineral man say, Lena?
"He said de samples van nuddln' b
rock candy. He said dot somebody va
eatln It und dey dropped some und yo
vas a sucker dot vud buy a gold brlcl
votl" Chicago News.
Two Eeliaront "Liar.
A certain, very smart stock broker wnj
appointed captain In one of the Iris J
militia battalions. He was warned th:
the plausible old soldiers of this new coi
pany would get the better of him. rl
only smiled at the Idea Soon after tt
regiment was embodied the color-sergeai
came to his Captain's room with an oil
cnuiior who wished to speak to the oil
cer. The man was admitted, and e
ninlnwl that he "had heard from his wii
who was HI, and "If you plaze, sor, ca
I have 48 hours lave7
"Ynn snv von have heard from yoi
wife?" said the Captain, smelling it rr
and beginning to turn some imagine
correspondence on nis uidio.
"T Tifivp sor."
"Ah!" replied the officer, "I have hear
from her, too, and sne asKs me not
give you leave, for you only go home
get drunk and break the furniture."
"She wrote that, sor?"
'Vea "
"And does that mean, sor, that I can
have my lave?
"Tt- tint's "
The man saluted and went to the doof
then turning suuueniy rounu ne sum, j
you plaze, sor, may 1 say sometning coi
flfintfnl hetween man and man?"
"Well, what is It?" answered the Caj
tain.
"WpII. sor. under this root are two
the most eeligant liars that tho Loi
ever made I m not a married man.
"The Major," In Today.
Pretty Rancid Cheese.
"Recently I visited a small town
the southern part of Kentucky," saya
correspondent of the Denver News, "ara
called on the only merchant of the plac
I found him opening a case of axle- greaa
He took off the lid of one of the sma
boxes of yellow greaso and left It
covered.
"Soon an old colored man came In,
noticing the axle grease, said:
" 'Good morning, Massa Johnsonl Whj
am dem little cheeses worf ?
" 'About 15 cents, I reckon. Sam,' aa
the merchant.
" 'S'poe If I buys one you will frow
de crackers.'
" 'Yes, Sam.'
VSam put his hand Into his pocket ar
fished out fifteen cents, and Mr. Johnsc
took his scoop and dipped up some cx&ci
ers.
"Sam picked up the uncovered box
the crackers and went to the back paa
of the store. Then he took out his
and fell to eating.
"Another customer came In, and
Johnson lost sight of his colored frier
for a moment. Presently Mr. Johnatj
went to the back part of the store
said:
""Well, Sam. how goes ltT"
" 'Say, Massa Johnson, dem craefc&ra
all right but dat am de ransomeat oheen
I ebber eat!' "Youth's Companion.