j'
THE RrSDAY. qREC10XIAU. .EQIBCT) Atf-TDr JUKa3"3; "1900."
23
CompIlutentH ,of the Season.
Uow the crablct in the sand
Lurks beiieath the waters blue.
And extends the gladsome hand
To this laughing bathers, nba,
L'nsusppcting of hU fell,
"Wicked purpose, gayly pobcj
Till a loud and piercing yell
Tells us he harplncflell" their toes.
New York World.
ORTON, THE BOOK AGENT
'-nnfl Mr, imiingrn and 31r. Xoodle
Induced by Him to Invest In
UcIIrIous Literature.
It was hot. Billings sat In his office.
topping his brow and saying naughty
lilngs about the thermometer. A man
lushed the door open and would have en-
jrcd, but Billing", catching sight of a pe-
illar black leather case he carried, cried
a loud voice:
I "Get out. No book .agents need apply
ere."
"You mistake rae." replied the man. "I
not a book agent booner death than
Etch an occupation."
Ho spoke so earnestly that Bfllings was
jollified and said, half apologetically:
("I thought you were one of those con-
imnded fellows. Com6 in. if you've got
islne5s with me."
I And the man came in.
"Mr. Billings," he began, hurriedly.
long ago I came to the conclusion that
jart from all moral considerations, hon-
-ty is the best policy' In business. I de-
1Ive no one as to my goods. I have come
jre today, knowing that you as a Chris
ah man will be particularly interested in
fhat I have to sell, which Is no less a
Hume than Jeremy Taylor's 'Holy Llv-
g "
"You said you weren't a book agent."
pred Bdllngs.
"Nor am I I buy what I sell outr'ght.
ad make a moderate profit. My selec-
ons are always useful and instructive.
ly love of humanity forbids all works of
light nature. Thus I combine misslon-
ry work w.th some slight remuneration
myself. This volume." thrusting the
hole Into Billings's hands, "is 5 50 worth
Ivlce the money. If you take It only to
ve to some benighted being who needs
"llg'ous counsel, it will repay you ten
jld. Think"
He Wanted It. ,
"Shut up!" said Billings. "Who the dev-
could think while you're talking. I'll
like that for my wife. We don't agree
religious subjects. But remember.
loung man. I take it simply because I
rant It, not because ot your convincing
rguments. I like the name 'Holy Living.'
Ill give it to Susan. Here's your money.
kow get out. You're no business man.
lou deceived me, or you wouldn't have
Jt In."
The book man, whom we will call Nor-
lin, glanced angrily at Billings for a irio-
kent, but forbore ro reply and quickly re-
ined h.s usual cheerful smile. On rcach-
tg the main floor of the building .In which
flll.ngs's office is situated, his first care
has to consult a directory. Here he
ioked up Billings's house address, and
th his cheerful smile, broadened Into an
Imple grin, boarded a trolley car and
poedlly arrived at his destination.
Was Mrs. Billings at home? Yes. Mrs.
Pangs was at home.
Fifteen minutes later, as Norton bowed
Emself out of the presence of Mrs. Bll-
igs. that lady said, graciously:
""I'm glad you called. Mr. Norton. The
iiok I have bought from you. 'Holy Llv-
iig,' will be much appreciated by Mr.
tilings. We differ on religious subjects."
'Madame, I believe that he will learn
lirh from it. Good afternoon."
Half an hour later Billings came home.
r.d tv hi!? he divested himself of his coat
1 1 boits Mrs. Billings began to tell him
the rlcasant visit she had had that aft-
froon from "such a frank, gentlemanly
urg Tan."
f'Ard. my dear, she remarked, as Bll-
'gs STk comfortably into an easy chair
the window. "I bought from him a
.autlful book which I mean to present
you. cp'Ied 'Holy Living. "
Loud and violently burst the storm of
l'lrgb's wrath, and many and unique
re the names he aoplled to Norton.
!- prayed Heaven that he might once
,aln behold him. "only for five minutes."
lAt this moment, hurrying hotly down
re opposite side of the street Mrs. B!l-
gs perceived the object of her husband's
Irnh.
"There he is now!" she crjed.
A'oodle'M Enlisted.
S"Ar.d I can't follow him in my shirt
kHvcs and slippers but there's Noodle."
it h'rg sight of his next-door neighbor.
hi w.is just turning in at his front gate.
y. there. Noodle! For heaven's sake
i after that fellow going down the
rtet he's a book agent. Bring him back
ir?. Can t go myself, Tm in my sllp-
?Cd!e. who adm red Efilllags's daughter.-
jad.Iy assented and loped off after Nor-
But before he caught up with him.
e latter had boarded a trolley bound for
stat' on. Not to be balked. Noodle
Imped excitedly into a cab and gave
Norton reached the station first
jd was in the act of buying a ticket for
when doodle caught him.
'Mr. Billings wants to see you." he
bed, breathlessly.
i'Oh, I can't come. I've got to catch this
hat does he want to see me
katr
11 I don't know."
'Must be about this book." said Norton
Of course, that's It." assented Noodler
i ve got only one left don't know if 1
li !et him have it."
,'Oh yes. you can." Noodle ald. ner.
.-sively.
It's a five-dollar copy." said Norton.
Ill holding back.
j'Wc'.l, never mind. He won't stop at $
-? warts the book, I ll pay you cash
it and Billings can settle with me."
'Well, here." said Norton, thrusting the
I'Jrae into Noodle s hands and pocketing
. G lod day and good luck to you."
Id he hurried off to catch the 6 o'clock
n for N .
"ind this is how It comes about that the
1 ngses have three volumes of Jeremy
I f-1 VSSl: , .
Taylor's "Holy Living" thrust away In a
dark corner of their little library; and
this Is also why. on a certain evening, Mr.
Augustus Norton, "Independent Book
Merchant," treated himself profusely to
champagne. New York Press.
PDAXUT ADVERTISING.
Promoter' Method tor "BooMtliiB a
Shin Planter Concern.
"Gimme two cents' worth of those pea
nuts," said the smooth-faced young man,
walking up to the Italian Vender In front
of the postofilce. The Italian measured
the peanuts out and at the young man's
suggestion, dumped them Into the pocket
of his coat. They went into the right
hand pocket, but the young man plunged
his hand into the pOcket on the left-hand
aide, and, hauling out a nut, cracked it
optn and started to put the contents Into
his mouth. Suddenly he gave a loud ex
clamation, and then with apparent indig
nation turned to the Italian and said:
"Say, John, What kind of peanuts do
yoU call these?'1
"They all right," protested the Italian.
"All right nuthln'," said the young man.
"Just look at this." and from inside the
peanut, he had just broken open he pulled
a smalt piece of paper, neatly folded up
Unfo'dlng the paper he read aloud:
"This la no shell game. Use the famous
Bumm Bumm Shin Plasters."
The young man took another peanut
from the left-hand pocket and cracked
that open. Out fell another fold of paper
containing the same advertisement. " The
Italian's eyes were nearly popping out
of his head. The young man put on a
great show of indignation.
"This is the worst bunco game that I
ever ran against." he explained. "Take
these peanuts back and keep" them. 1
don't want the blame things' and with a
rapid motion, he extracted a handful of
peanuts from the same left-hand pocket
and, throwing" them in with the Italian's
stock, mixed them up and went on his
way. leaving the Italian gesticulating
wildly and making frantic efforts to ex
plain. This much was witnessed by a reporter,
who decided forthwith that the young man
wus up to some game, an impression
which was strengthened when he saw him
approach another peanut vender and go
through the same performance. So when
tho young man went on hla way the re
porter arcosted him and asked him what
his game was. The man was delightfully
frank. Here Ls what he said:
'"I get enough fun out of this thing
His Discomfiture.
Johnny Ah! Sweet Edith OHarra, It is you,
and you alone, that I love!
Edith Sh! 8h! Do you not know that my
father Is the biggest man on the force? And
if he were but to hear one word ot this
Johnny Hah! What care I for him; With
such lore as mine burning within tills bosom
I would not care If your father was as biff as
Great Scott!"
watching the faces of those dagoes to pay
me for doing It. even if I wasn't getting
good pay. Say. it's the greatest game
ever. You see, it's this way. I make a
living suggesting ways to advertise to big
concerns. Now tho Bumm "Bumm Shin
Plaster Company wanted to reach the
common people with advertisements of
their stuff. So they s?nt for me and
asked me for a suggestion. The peanut
game was one that I thought out a long
time ago. but had never put Into opera
tion. The Bumm Bumm people thought
it was all right and were willing to put
up good money. I had a "couple of women
op"cn a bushel of peanuts, fold up these
little circulars, put them imddc and then,
by the use of a very small quantity of
paste on each shell, put them together
again. I sold the meat of the nuts to a
candy man, and got more for them than I
paid for the original bushel.
"I took the lot down to "the office of the
S
Bumm Bumm Company, and they were
dead stuck on the game. They gave me
a fat check, and that being the end of my
contract, I bobbed up with another sug
gestion. "You can reach, a lot of people
with those things, just scattering them
around the street,' I says, 'but I've gpt a
better game than that.' Then I told them
that -for $10 a day I would mix those fake
peanuts up with the stocks of venders,
so thnt every man who bought peanuts on
tho street would be found to get at least
one of ours. Say, they were dead stuck
on the game, and we closed at once.
That's all there Is to It. You've seen me
at work and know how I do It. Say, but
Isn't it a peach of a game? I bet I've
put 0 peanut stocks on the bogus since
I started out. and I've only 'been working
three days." New York Sun.
SOMETHING LHCE IT.
Observe, Oh Ye '"Wooerji of Ye Frolic
' noihe Mnse! v
As the managing edltor'stepped from
the elevator, car, he was wuyla'id by the
city editor.
"He Is here."
"Who?" :
"Why, a poet."
"A pdet? Why, they are swarming to
this office like bees to a magnolia tree.
Why didn't" you tell him the elevator
Mopped at six?" v ,
"Yes, but I think this one ! a genuine
muse-wooer. Step ov"er ant hear ' him
yourself." ,
The managing editor walked briskly over
to where the. rhj'mster sat waiting.
"Do you wish to see me?"
"Yes, I want to Ins .all mj self onyour
paper as a poet."
"We ore not"
"Of couVse you are not In need of any
mediocre veree, but just listen to this:
She weighed four hundred, so they tetl,
Did ebony Aunt Dinah; '
And when she tumbled down the well.
She went clear through to China.
"Is that a tcmbstono inscription-?"
"No, sir, that is a roem that people
can understand. Shall I run. off the other
3G verses?" . .
"Please don't."
"Well, if that ls too serious for your
readers, how is this: '
He climbedup on the vlHrtgesehogl
His feetwere weT'ana' nniSayT
He dashed himself, the reckless fool.
And died from over-study.
"That Js pretty fair."
"Thank you! Only the distance pre
vented me from winning fame by having
it publ'shed in the London comics."
"Have you any others?"
"Yes. here Is a good header for the
Spring fashions:
She waltzed, and then came home at one.
Her skirt was very tight;
She couldn't get the clasp undone.
So she sat up all night.
"Quite an effusion. But have you any
good war verse?"
'"War verse ie my specialty. I regret
every minute not spent In finding rhymes
for kopje. But how is this:
The Bocrman has the nerve of ten.
The firmness of a rock;
When he Isn't popping Englishmen
He's drinking wholesome bock.
"How could we use that?"
"Get out a Kruger edition."
"Do you ever drop Into political veree?
You know there is a Presidential cam
paign on the horizon.""
"I am prepared. Here is the first of 13
verses:
To reach the White House Is no fun.
A man ls put to test;
For when the royal race is run
It takes four years to rest.
"You'll do. Get your overalls er I mean
get your pen and occupy the desk back
of the sporting editor. If you wish a
green shade ask the copy-boy." V. A,
Hermann, in the Philadelphia Inquirer.
ME"AX THICK.
Chicago DentItK Way of Silencing
Talkative Women.
A North Side dentist is sure to be called
"a mean man" by eome of his women
patrons when they learn of the trick he
has practiced upon them. It happens
sometimes that even a rubber dam will
not stop the flow of woman's speech, and
although the dentist, being a young man,
ls not averse to a little "pleasant talk"
now and then with a patient, yet If sho
persists in telling him her personal or
domestic history during the filling of a
tooth, hindering the work, while other
patients wait In the ante-room. It's a lit
tle trying to his nerves and temper. The
doctor ls a polite man; he does not ask
a woman to stop talking, but says gently:
"Open your mouth, please."
There Is silence for a few moments,
when the chatter begins again."
"Open wjder, please," says the dentist,
more persuasively than before, and the
work goes on rapidly enough until the
patient seeing her opportunity starts in
again where she had left off in the talc
of everyday woes. The clock strikes the
hour of the next appointment. The dent
ist seizes the most terrible of all his in
struments, his look becomes threatening
and his voice, too:
"Please, now. open your mouth ve,ry
wide." The ruse succeeds, and the start
led but unsuspecting woman stretches her
raouth Into an abyssmal yawn that pre
cludes the possibility of even a whisper.
It's a moan trick. Chicago Tribune.
FOOLISH FELLOW.
Little He Knew a Woman's Reason
for Shopping.
He evidently had been inveigled into that
most foolish of occupations for a mere
man, shopping with his -wife. Fatigue,
ennui and irritability were expressed in
the droop of his figure, the expression
of his face and the limpness of his man
ner. His wife, on the contrary, was
placid, alert and apparently well satisfied
with herself and others. He hung from
a strap in the crowded car with an ill
grace. She clung to his arm for support.
Her talk was a sort of esctnttc comment
ary on panne velvet, liberty satin and
other mysteries of fabric and dress, in
terlarded with allusions to the merits and
demerits of Flemish oak. bamboo furni
ture and Renaissance lace curtains for
house-furnishing.
The man stifled a groan occasionally,
but otherwise suppressed all Indications
of feeling; andt intelligence. At the end
of several weary mites, newtver he re
marked bitterly; "And -you have been
shopping for more than three hou.s with
out finding, one th.ng that you want to
buy. What U, the good of ItJ"
.'But, Tom. I know now exactly what
I don't want. Don't be foolish. Here is
our street."
And the men and women wtthm hear
ing grinned with different kinds of ap
preciation as the couple left tho car. New
York Press.
"PAW" AND HIS GAHDEX.
Fishes for His Neighbor's Chickens
and Gets Into Trouble.
Paw's got a garden slnts we mooved out
hbre, but maw Sas the fcnly Thing he
raised so Fur is trubble. Tho man that
Lives the other side of us Yoost to be a
sta captun on the lakes, and if we had
a Parrut they woulden't bo hardly enny
use trying to make Jt a morrel Burd be
coz when the captain talks you can hear
h!m nearly all Around the naber Hood.
About the First thing we notust after
paw got his erly crop In Was the Way
the 'Captun's chickens wouldn't letlt come'
up itself.
Paw went to the captun and Told him
about it, and the Captun sed it must be a
Mistake. He told paw His chickens didn't
haft to Go way from Home for1 thulr
meals, and Every little while you could
hear him say things that showed He
wasn't a Christian, between his other
words.
When paw came home he sent me and
Little albert to the store for Ten sents
worth of Fishen hooks and Lines, ana
When we Got back he says:
"I don't never want to Take a mean
advantage of a Dum Creacher, but some
thing hast to be done to Sho the captun
It ain't always the man- who Swairs the
loudest That gets the biggest Lump ot
shugger in his coffey."-
So he cut the Fishen lines Into about 20
peaces and Put a Hook; on Each end o
Every peace. Then he baited the Hooks
with WormEand chunks of Bred and
other Things chickens like pretty weir
and went out to do some more planten In
the Garden. Every time he planted a seed
Evolut'on of a Bird.
One.
&
-
'4t
s:x&mCc
is&
Two.
- Oa'
fc"
3, isr$&7 -tt
K V"""?. AY- ' '
He would put a Baited flshen Hook in
with it.
Then he went and Told the captun he
beter keep his chickens at Home, and
the Captun sed:
"Cnjitun" in IndiKnnnt.
"This is the Last time I want you to
Come insultin me about My chickens.
Abuddy would think this wasn't a Free
country whare peeple Could rase chickens
If They wanted to, the Way some peeple
talk. Now shoo yourself out of here."
About a nour after that we heard a
good deal of squawken in the Garden,
and when we peeked Out wc seen The
Captun's chickens There blzy scratches
'ip baited hooks and swallowing them
Like a "boarder eats when He gots home
for the Hollow days. Every little while,
when one chicken had swallowed the
Hook oh one end of n String and some
other Chicken had the hook on the other
end In its Slsfura they YouId start away
kind of pulling apart and Looking sus
pishus at Each other, and pritty soon all
but two or three got Hitched together.
Then trubble commenct. When one
chicken tried to fly over the fents It would
get jerked back hy Its partner at .the
Other end of the Line, or else if it Got
over they would kind of Hang thare. One
W -&?r
V '-B
j
" y
s?-
V vJ
4&
T-
Four.
Five.
on .each, -side, and pull and scold about
it, and brace their feat against'the boards
And try to Back up. r
Maw sed it made Her hart bleed for'the
roor thingc, and Paw told Her that was
Eecbz she was chicken harted, only it Was
pro"bbubly the Chickens' gizzurds that
was Bleeding.
Then he went Over where the Captun
was settin. on his Frunt portchsmoken,
and I went Along to see what happened.
"pid you ever notus How burds and
chickens and such Things go around In
pairs?" paw nst.
"No." says the captun. "I've hefd some
Birds take Their mates fer, life, but I
nevej paid mutch a Tenshun to It."
"WelL" paw says, "I don't no as
Chickens always mate For life. But I
guess most of ydurs Have got into that
Habbut laltly."
More IiidiRimtloR."
"Say," the captun says, swalring a Lot
more, "it's strainge you can't quit harp
en on my Chickens. Some peeple when
they Get started on a Subject always
run it in the Ground."
About that time the Captun's wife
dame around from the Back of the House
and told him sumthlng Seemed to be the
matter with the Chickens.
"Chickens!" yelled the captun. "Is ev
eryhuddy crazy on the Chicken subjeckt?
Can't I hear about ennything But chick
ens enny more? The next purson says
chickens to me I'm agoln to to "
But he had to stop thare Becoz they
was a Bush of blood to his hed and I thov
his face mite explod. Then he went aroun
to the Back yard to See what the Trub
ble was, and when he Got so he under
stood how it Hapened Paw took me By
the Hand and we Went Home.
.After while when we Couldn't hear the
Captun saying ennything More about it
paw Went out to Work In the Garden
again, and JUst as he bent Over to plant
things the Captun rose up from Behind
his Fents and turned the Hose on Paw.
So paw Went to drab up a chunk ot
durt to Thro at the Captun and he Run
a flshen Hook neerly thru His linger.
The Captun's girl told our gurl they
Haven't had enythlng but chicken to Eat
at thare house Laltely, but the dockter
says It'll be Too late to put in A nuther
crop when paw's hand Gets well. Georgie,
In Chicago Times-Herald.
LOBSTERIXG DOWN EAST.
Hartshorn Knew It, All and Gained a
Ltttle Experience.
"Jes Hartshorn come down to the
beach a while ago," said the ancient
mariner of Georgetown, as we Sat togeth
er on the stringer of the wharf and al
lowed our feet to hang down.
''Jes hain't never been around salt
water much. But you can't get Jes' to
ever let on that he don't know all there
ls to know about everything. He's one
of them half-cock, betcher-llfe fellers,
ye know. When he goes to heaven, if
St. Peter-'tells him which corner to turn
to get to the room where they keep harps,
Jes" will Interrupt him 'fore Peter says
two wejrds. He'll says, 'Oh, I know I
know,' just as if ne had "been there a
dzqno times. That's JesC.
"Wal, "as I was sayin', he tome down to
the shore the other day to make me a
little visit -and do some fishln". The first
day he was there I told him- that the rote
didn't sound well for hand-lining outside
and I adVised him to try lobsterin'.
" 'I've been doln pretty well down in
the cave there, 'round that point,' says
I. 'You'd better take four or '
" 'Ofi, Ikhowlknowlknow.' says Jes,
rattling It off like a machine gun. So
seein' that he knew so much, gol darn
h!m, I let him swat.
"I was baitin trawls for my next day's
fishln and I had the tubs out where I
could get a view of the bay. It struck
me that Jes was the busiest lobster
fisher I ever see. And I wondered too,
how that could be. for when he went off
-wltluthe dory I noticed that he took only
one lobster pot. He rowed around the bay
five hours by the watch. Every little while
he would hold up and do something with
the lobster pot. I couldn't make out what
it was, but thinks I 'if he's lucky accord
in' as he ls busy he'll come home with
the dory loaded to the gunnels.'
"Jes stopped at the store 'fore he come
to the house. He was so tuckered that
he had to set down there and rest.
"Said he to the storekeeper. 'I ain't
had so darn busy a day sence I broke
ten acres of pasture with a steer team.
This lobster fishln Is what I call hard
work. When I started out this mornln
Abse wanted me to take four or five
pots. Wal. if I nad I'd a-been sick abed
Dragging that one pot around the bay was
about all I wanted to tackle." "
The ancient mariner spat voluminous
ly Into the deep, green sea.
"That's what that cust fool had been
doln' trolling for lobsters with a pot.
He thought you caught'em same's you
do salmon In a pond. He'd row as fast
as he could and then he'd stop and pull
up the pot to see if he had cdught one.
Then he'd swear and throw It back and
row hard some more. .
"The only man I ever heerd of who had
as much sportin' blood as that was Ben
Smith who used to run a hotel up In Cari
bou. Ben went trolling for eagles in a
balloon.
"But Ben stood some show of catching
eagles." Holman F. Day in Lewiston
Journal.
SPILT SALT DON'T SCARE HIM.
But He Carries Rabbit's Foot, Just
the Same.
"Doan't yo' talk no more fer me 'bout
luck. Nev see such fool coon fcr luck
in yo born days, sah," said the chocolate
dipped new waiter at the lunch counter, as
he brushed up some spilt salt from the
floor under his feet. "Me throw salt over
mah shoulder? No, sah. Doan't catch
dissa coon twice same day. Last time Ah
trowed salt oyer mah shoulder mos' got
kilt. Yassa, 'at's right.
"Know dat place down on Adams, off
ole State, doan't yer? Place whar dey got
one dem fool ting-a-llng band3 a makln
a feller walk turkey trot alia time.
Ah use tor work down dere till Ah mos
got kilt one day all 'long er salt an' dat
fool band.
"Y'see, Ah used tor ne terr'bul nigger
fer signs. Gee, Ah'd And sign! all round.
If cross-eyed man show up round dat coun
ter Ah nearly have seventeen fits till Ah
get a chance ter turn 'bout tree times and
talk voodoo. Yessa, 'at's right.
"Feller named Gawge. Him an' me used
ter work policy games, an.' all dat sturr,
and we'd guess we'd got a sign fer a tip
if a fly fell dead in de soup, till dat day
when I mos' get kilt.
"Band was a. playih 'Ell Green,' In one
o' mah years an ole man a yellin' hot
cakes over In dissa one, an Ah done got
twisted, an' spilt a heap er salt on mah
right foot. Lawd, Ah mos' had 'leven fits,
an' Ah jus fergits everting, an' grabs dat
salt cellar, an' shakes It over mah left
shoulder fer ter cross de luck, an' Ah'm
a gone white cobn if it didn't fly right
inter de ole man's lookers, an he yell like
a 'possum when yer skin um alive. An'
jus den 'long cum Gawge wif a bowl er
hot soup, an dat fool band strike up, an
he got a hot foot all at once, an' Jus' had
to dance cakewalk er die. An', Lawd, Ah
get dat hot soup all over me, an de old
man start a flrin' plates In mah dlrecshun,
an" Ah mos got kilt. Yessa, 'at's right.
"Ah ain't no fool coon, jus' a same.
Betcher life Ah doan't go lookln' fer no
signs now. Ah let um shake salt all over
me an' neva change de expresshun of mah
astronomy. But Ah got a hind foot an a
yaller dog's tooth jus a same, down m
mah back pocket, an when Ah sees a
sign. Ah rubs um together, an says mah
prajers. Gawge got fired, too, all 'count
dat fool band, an' a hot foot, an' he's got
sumpln In his back pocket, too. Ah doan't
know jus what 'tis, but yer can't take no
chances round yere In Checawgo. No, sah,
'at's right."
And he brushed the last of the salt up
and shouted:
"Two fried. Eyes shut." Chicago
Tribune.
1, PQETKQj
Capld te Mammon. a
Yours is a magic key. It-opens wide
The door whereon is writ "Society"
And "No admittance save to the elect."
Slowly, and ith reluctance oftentimes.
The heavy hinges turn yet-turn alway
When you persist, so potent Is your poweri
Through halls kept sacred to the name ot
Caste
You walk undaunted by the slliint stare
Of proud ancestral faces on the,waui
Tour coat-of-arms the mighty $ sign.
Tou Influence nations, rule affairs of state
And purchase leaders. Politics today
Is but another synonym fcr that
Ignoble, base word money.
With your key
You enter churches, and pervert the creed.
And substitute the word of man for Christ's
Large loving utterances. You buy and sell
And "water" and "manipulate" religion
Like stock upon the street; your satellites
Kneel in, th&lr cushioned pews and mumble
prayers
With hatred In their hearts, and pride and
greed
Where brotherhood should dwelL
All this yon do,
O monarch, but behold your Wellington!
In Love's fair court there is no lock which
turns
"For Mammon's key. When Hymen gives you
heed.
He stands without my gates, no kin of mine.
Love has the only kingdom In the world
Where money cannot purchase place Or power;
And In the rapture of one mutual kiss.
When soul meets soul as lip clings close to lip,
Lies more delight than all earth's other realms
Combined can Oder to the human heart
In this brief life the memory of one hour
Of perfect love ls worth all other Joys,
And he who has It not, though he be King.
Goes beggared through the world.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox In New York Journal
TrelcldnfiT.
Now the tramps are gayly trekking
From the exits of the Jails'.
Starting on their yearly saunter
'Mong the rural hills and vale3.
Through the Winter they were resting
At the citizens expense,
Building up the systems shattered
By their months of negligence.
They were ragged, thin and wretched,
Spre and weary were their feet.
When they .sought the warmth and comforts
Of their Winter-time retreat.
Now with clothing neatly mended.
Fat and "sassy," free from cares.
They go on their way as happy
As though all the world were theirs.
Jogging onward through the city
To the country they go straight.
Where there's nothing to disturb them.
But the dog behind the gate.
Well-worn paths again they're taking,
For they've been there oft before.
And with their old-time presumption.
They are knocking at the door.
They relate their hard-luck stories
In the same familiar way.
Some still posing as the heroes
Of an Oriental fray.
Some accept the proffered "hand-out,"
And then gratefully reply;
Some will view it with suspicion
And express desire for pie.
Through the months of Spring and Summer
And the early weeks of Fall.
They will roam across the country.
And at back doors often call.
But when days and nights get chilly
They'll grow penitent, and then.
Ragged, footsore, thin and wretched.
They'll come trekking back again.
PltUburg Chronlole.
The Cuckoo Clock.
My Cuckoo Clock hangs In the hall;
By day and night I hear Its call.
Old friend! I love the cheerful note
That flutters from your busy throat.
Your usher Is the little quail.
With nodding: head and jerky tall;
"T'whee!" it chirps. "Twheel T"whee!" t
And sounds the quarters merrily.
Nest bounds forth the brisk Cuckoo
With beating wings, as though he flew
Proclaims the time with startling flap.
Like Harlequin, leaps through hl3 trap!
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Old Cuckoo Clock! for many a year
My trusty, faithful chanticleer;
Your own this house must seem to be.
So long ago you came with me;
And through these twenty chequered years
Have shared in all my Jo's and fears.
But dust and age will come at last
One day the rusted hinge sticks fast;
In vain the bird will wheeze and pant.
It struggles to be free, and can't;
At last, prevails. How swells lt3 throat.
How Alls the house Its ahrilly note.
" . Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
At last Arrives the final day,
When master's self must go his way;
Borne down the stair into the hall.
He takes his leave of house and all.
The heartless birds pursue their game.
And crow and chirrup all the same.
The newer tenant looks askew.
And scorns the notes of poor Cuckoo;
No grace or mercy will he show
'That noisy thing at once must go."
And ro within the shortest space
An eight-day ''striker" takes its place.
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Percy Fitzgerald in Good Words.
Cotton, Mnle and Nifrer.
Summer-time is here again,
See dat grass a-growin'?
Git up by de peep of day.
Keep dem plows a-goln".
Stir de dirt! Grass grows like sin.
Comes right har you"s- Jes now bin
Faster dan de craps dat's in.
Keep on plowln. hoein.
Chop dat cotton to er stan'.
Watch it. wuck it, hoe It,
For de crap need3 every han.
Make dem hoes jes' go It.
All de rows keep clar an clean,
Nothln" grow In' in between;
If you're fat. you'll soon be lean,
Hoein' ! Fer I know it.
Chop dat cotton, slln; dat hoe.
See dat grass a-growin';
Slake a crap an' den you'll know
.Things dat's worth a-knowin.
Grass an weeds don't want no start,
Dey is sure to do thar part,
D(.y has got de very art
Growin' while you'r hoein.
Cotton crap don't give no res
To de mule er nigger;
Sweat an' toll dar very bes.
Den dey cuts a flgger.
In de "round-up" of de crap.
If de year brings no mishap,
Dey fills up a mighty pap.
Cotton, mule an nl?ger.
Wm. L. Hill in Waycross JournaL
VoteH to Get.
I love my country well,
I want to see It rise
To be the fairest land
That lies below the skies.
I long to see tho day
When wise men may withhold
From fools and rogues the votes
That now are bought and sold.
I'd like to see reforms
Of many kinds come In,
But voters cry them down.
And I need votes to win.
I love my country well,
I know of many a way
In which great wrong3 are done
By wicked men today.
Where'er I turn I see
The public boldly bled;
I might expose the rogues.
But I should lose my head.
I love zay country well.
Her wrongs I much regret,
I'd like to stop them allr-
But there are votes to get!
Chicago Times-Herald.
Considerate.
"Oh, do not let the word be no."
The lover cried, and. thinking It
Would somewhat ease the cruel blow.
The maiden simply answered "Nit."
Chicago News.
In. the Morning-.
"Don't speak to me! Don't speak to mal
Don't! I won't hear a word jou say!
'Half -past eleven V It was three!
'Important work? You had to stay?"
Hal Ha! Ha! Ha! There! That'll do!
No more lies please! Oh, 'you vile thing I
Don't say you're sorry! 'Tisn't true!
That you should ever dare to bring
That nasty, tipsy Smlthers here
To sleep In the spare bed! There, therel
The sot! What's that? "Twas only "beet
Oh, weren't you a pretty pair!
Oh. yes. I heard you at the door.
When you asked him to stop and se
If he could hear the old girl snore,4
A pretty way to speak of me!
'Perfectly sober! Oh, perfectly!
Do you know what you. tried to usa
To open the night-latch? The key?
No but you did try two corkscrews! j
I found them In the keyhole! What?
'It's no such thing?' Well, here's the pair.
Tours, aren't they? You say they're not?
Well, here's your name -engraved right theral
You brutel And then you crawled inslda
Through the bow window, both ot you.
Yes you did. now! I heard you slide
The window up and both step through I
Do you know where you left your hat?
I thought not! Well, you go and seel
You'll find it minus rim and flat
Stuck In my oleander tree!
Who turned the flower pot upside down
And sat on it? Was that you. too?
What's that? "You gues3 you'll go down townF
I guess you won't till I get through!
You saw a lovely Easter hat?'
Where? Stacy's? Oh. that Paris one!
For twenty-six? You'll get me that!
Oh. Jack! That's Just too nice! And, John,
I was too angry. I'm afraid,
I didn't mean to be severe.
It's all that Smlthers fault! He mado
You do it, Jack, didn't he. dear?"
Bismarck Tribune.'
Ye Life Insurance Agent.
Suave and persuasive, with manners soft and
bland.
Warmly he greets you as he grasps your hand.
He hopes you're well, your wife and children.
too
Such handsome children! Look so much lik
you!
And how ls business? flourishing and strong?
With such good management It hardly could go
wrong. ,
Plainly, it's booming; any one can see
It's growing grandly and none so glad as he!
Speaking of business, he's Just got something
new.
Something he's sure will be of Interest to you.
Just see this contract how liberal and free!
How can they do it! By George, lt'3 hard to
see!
All the ad-antage is sure to come to you.
You'll hardly know It when the premiums coma
due.
Cash surrender values, the privilege of loans.
All he puts before you in the most persuasive
tones.
And if you show objection.' by word or by
look.
He swiftly turns the pages of hU red morocco
book.
And finds another schedule that exactly fits
your case
All to your advantage, with thirty days ot
grace!
AH hall tho able agent, with manners soft and
bland.
Who wins you by the ardor with which ho
grasps jour hand;
Sometimes next day jou're sorry, when ycu sea
his little game.
But the widow and the orphan have cause to
bless his name!
Somerville Journal.
"A Gln'rnl ShnUln' linn's."
It's the soclablest Spring season that ever ylt I
knowed!
Why, you don't meet anybody in the middle o
the road
On the highways on the byways in this blest
o Southern lan's.
But he hollers out. "Hello, thar!" nn' ho goes
to shakin ban's! ,
I've lived long years in Gcorgy. by valleys,
hills an' plains;
I've hearn the boys noratln in a hundred odd
campaigns;
But this here season bsats 'em all fer barbecues
an" ban's.
An' "Hello, thar!" "How air you?" an'
gln'rul shakin" nan's!
I like to see folks sociable I alius like a man
To slap you on the shoulder, an' shake a fel
ler's han;
It's hearty like, an' wholesome, when a feller's
grip is strong.
But I draw the line at shakin' of a man's han
all day long!
I know Jet what it's meanln' It's Jest a3 plain
as day.
From the way the ban's air playin", from tha
way the ol" mules bray!
It's the biggest sort o" campaign, an" they're
all a-goln' to Win.
Fer they're headed fer the voters, an they'r
drlllln of 'em In!
Warn't nuthin' ever like It! They're a-rollln
right along.
An' ever' feller that kin sing J'lnes In the cam
paign song!
A-blowIn' of the bugles a-playln' of the ban's.
An' "Hello, thar!" "How air jour an a
gln'rul shakin" ban's!
F. L. S. in Atlanta Constitution.
Trent You Mlirhty Well.
Talkin 'bout de good times, en bad times, fer
a spell;
But tek de times de worl" aroun", dey treats
you mighty well!
Slngln", or sighln' only dls ter Ull:
Tsk de tlmf-s de worl' aroun", dey treats you
mighty well!
Talkin" 'bout de bad times dey soon'll say
farewell;
You des can't lose on cotton cf you ain't got
none ter sell!
Ef de cyclone blow yo' house down, dar3 tim
ber in de dell
Tek de times de worl" aroun", dey treats you
mighty well!
Talkin 'bout de bad timfs I wants it under
stood You'd be so close tor heaven et 'all de times
wuz good.
Dey'S b no fun in goln' darl So, cheer up fer
a spell
Fer, tek de times de worl' eroun", dey treats
you mighty well!
Frank L. Stanton in Atlanta Constitution.
"Because!'
She had a wondrous yearning in Minerva's
ways to go
(She'd had It since she was a child of seven
years or so).
And there ,was no use In learning what Matilda
didn't know.
She graduated early from the high school ot
the town
'She left a seminary with all honors and re
nown And waded Into Blackstone to do the thing trp
brOwrf.
She was a revelation to her unpretentious ma.
She knew much more than any of her brothers
or her pa.
And at the age for voting was admitted to the
bar.
Her case was called they marveled at her
knowledge of the laws;
But, ah! there came a poser by the Judge
there wa3 a pause
Then rang her voice triumphant through thr
courtroom "Why because!"
Gertrude M. Butler In Philadelphia Inquirer.
The "Way of It.
I think I would never have loved him. but he
Was there when tho other wasn't you see!
When the other died on the lonesome way
He sang to my soul of the sweetest day.
I wouldn't have loved him; but women ara
weak.
And a sonff that brings to a woman's cheek
The red o' roses ls still the song
That sings like a river that bears life along.
But the grief of It all Is this: At night
When I dream by the desolate, dying light
Of the lonely hearthslde. I seem to see
The face that was dearest of all to me!
And a ghost 13 there, in the room, that seems
To smite with tears my tenderest dreams;
And the song that brings to my check the rose
la pitiful" sad to my heart. God knows!
Atlanta Constitution.