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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (April 15, 1900)
BsMEiKa rT7'Srj5JP 28 THE .SUNDAY OBEQONIAN, PORTLAND, ARRIL 15, 1900. Plraslnp; Prospect. Hirer looks Invltln Lookln crost the town; Peri the fish a-bltln' See the cork go down I VThaf the ue o ploddln Tillln' o' the sod? Ruther be thar noddln With a fiehln rod. Comes the feelln' lazy When the Spring days smile? Rather reap a daisy Than plow a xnule a mile. Life we've got to give her Room to rest a bit: Flsbln In the rier Ah' drowsln side o' It! Atlanta Consultation. ENDS IN THE USUAL WAY She Tells Illm With Mnch Partic ularity How to Propose, Then lie Lara Down the Lair. "Harold Blllmore, are you asking me to e your wife?" "I think what I have been saying to you Is fairly open to that Interpretation, Maud Wintcrgreen. Didn't I do It right?" She tapped her foot on the floor Impa tiently. "No. sir." "Where did I miss It?" he asked hum bly. "Everywhere. Tou seemed to be hedg ing. You tried to shoot so as to bit If I 'were a deer and to miss if I should prove to be" "Oh, but you are n dear, you know." "Don't Interrupt me, sir. When you propose to a woman, propose to her. I've a great mind to show you how It ought to be done." "I wish you'd take the whole business off ny hands, Maud. I'm no good at it, and rll promise to say the right word when you've" "Don't be a coward as well as a bun pr, young man. Listen, now. I am the love-stricken youth" "AH right. You're Harold Blllmore." "Not at all. This Is a purely Imper sonal affair. You are the coy maden." "Yes, I'm Maud Wlntergrecn. Go on." "Don't be any sillier than you are nat urally. Desiring to enthrone myself In the heart of a young woman I first" "That sounds too much like giving a newly Initiated candidate In a sceret so ciety the proper directions for entering a lodgeroom. But go on." "If you Interrupt me again with any remarks like that, Mr. Blllmore, this les son will come to an end. Begin by no, sir, sit a little farther away. You are acting entirely out of character." 'So I was. I humbly beg pardon. I forgot. Go on." , Tell Ilrr In a Manly Way. "If you wnnt to marry a girl go and tell her so In a manly way. Don't you suppose. If she has any gumption, she has found out your little secret long be fore you have made up your mind to speak?" "Then you have known all the time, Maud, that I" "Once again, sir, keep your distance and let me do the talking." "Then tell me Just what I ought to have said, Maud that's a dear girl." "Well, remember, now, I am supposed to be a young man making a declaration of love to a young woman. I say to her 'Lucy or llehltabcl.' as the case may be" "No, no! You say to her, "Maud, I In sist on that." "Let It be 'Maud.' then. If It will keep you quiet. But tills Is only u supposititious case, JU6t the same. I don't say to her, "Maud, do you think you would marry the right fellow If he ever came along? Nor do I put my arm on the back of her chair as If by accident" "I didn't know I was doing that, Maud" "Take you arm away from tho back of this chair, sir. Neither do I hem and haw" "Oh. but I didn't do that! I may have gasped a little, but what could you expect frcm a fel " "I think I should stand up squarely before her, like a man, as I am doing now sit down, sir! You are the listener in this conversation and I should look her straight In the eye, like a roan, and say to here 'Lucy," "No, no! Ilaud!'" " Maud.' then, for the sake of the Illus tration. "Maud, I love you!' ait. down!" "But how would that sound? 'Maud, I love you! Sit down!' " "I should say: 'Maud, I love you! Will you be my wife?"' "Maud, I love you! Will you be ray wife?" "Yes, that is what I should say, sir, if I wanted to ask a girl to marry me." The young man bounded to his feet. Listen to Him! "Very good," he raid. "That is what you would say if you were Harold Bill morel Now listen to me!" "But I protest" "Stand right there! Don't sit down! I'm doing the talking. You, speaking for Harold Blllmore, have said you loved me, and have asked me to be your wife. I, speaking for Maud Wintergreeo " "That Isn't fair. now. I told you "I know what you tola me as the young man. Now I'm acting as the glrL For ell practical purposes I am Maud Winter green. I would eay to the awkward youth: 'Harold, I have known for a long time .that you love me. Do you think I would have accepted your attentions month after month if I did not intend at last, " "You have no right to say anything like that. Is a girl supposed to take it for granted " "Don't Interrupt me. I have not finished my answer yet. 'Harold, I reply, you are a good and worthy young man. You may not know exactly how to make a proposal of marriage. In the most ap proved form, on account of a lack of previous practice, but your heart is right. Here Is my answer. I will whisper it in your ear: "Yes, Harold, I will be your wife! aient-of sudden, there was a lightning HUMOR change of characters, and Harold Blllmoro was lue young man again. head slowly sank on his shoulder, he bent his head aownwaro, ana Pff! P ft! Philadelphia Press. SHE MAY "FEnGIT IT." . Bnt Willie Jones Will Get Xo More of Her Mckels. When the suburban trains come in of a morning there is a real, deep pleasure in watching the throngs they bring to this large city. Some find It comforting mere ly to gaze and ponder on this leaven which gocth forth to leaven tho whole city It Is such a nice, cleanly, aelf-re-ppcctlng leaven. There Is none of the helter-skelter, unseemly haste with which the cable car throngs go to their dally toll. Here all is serene and elevating. It is charming and comforting. It makes one think of newly-paved streets, end pretty little rows of newly-fledged trees, and clean, proper houses that you buy at so much a month, and many things good for a hardened denizen of the city to think on. In the Spring they wear little bunches of flowers violets, and cherry blossoms, and Johnny-Jump-ups, and others. It Is touching, eepeclally when they bestow the woodland wealth on hungry -eyed newsboy and their ilk. And the girls aro tender-hearted in this respects There to one comes in every morning from Bloomdalo or Mossy Dell, or some sylvan nook around Oak Park. She is such an "altogether darling" that even tho cab horses smile when ehe goes by. And she believes in human nature, and had a fervent faith In the charity that never falleth tho kind of charity repre sented by a nickel or dime dropped in every open palm between the bridge and State street that is, until last Saturday. On every other week day she takes the 6:15 train westward, but on Saturdays It is the 3:1C. Now it came to pans that for many days a sad-eyed youth had haunted tho cars of the 6:15. He Is pale, and of a Smike-llke slendemess, and he wore a lit tle black painted tin sign, with words to tho effect that Willie Jones had been born deaf and dumb, had only been out of the etate asylum a month and would the kind hearted public extend its assistance in getting Willie food and lodging? The kind-hearted public. In the person of the suburban girl, donated regularly to the worthy cause of Willie Jones, and Willie Jones smiled falnUy and lifted his hat with humble grace In voiceless grati tude, and a tender feminine heart fluttered with the happy consciousness of easing the woe of the world by her mite. Then came the shock. She was sitting in tho train about 3 o'clock a week ago last Saturday, reading her paper, when suddenly a wistful voice murmured at her elbow: "Pardon, lady, but would you kindly flpare a nickel to help a poor fellow In trouble? I've been working In a factory, and got my arm badly crushed. Just out of hospital, lady" She turned Impulsively, caught a full view of the speaker's face, and gasped. It was Willie Jones. There were only a dozen people in the car, but they got the full benefit of the scene that followed. "Why, I think you're perfectly awful!" she cried, her blue eyes wide with horror at the depravity of the case. "I see you every ftlnglo night, and you'ro deaf and dumb, and Tve given you ever so many nickels. And now you've crushed your arm and talk. The idea! I think you're Just terrible. I I'm going to report you to the police." She was almost crying, and Willie was touched by her evident disappointment. "Aw, say, don't yer care." he said com fortingly, as ho braced himself against the opposite seat and arranged his band age more effectively. "Us guys have ter live, yer know, and yous folks from the country aro easy. You're all right, lady. Even if I ain't deaf and dumb. I get hungry, and your nickels bought me many a redhot on a cold day. Don't yer care. I won't strike yer for any more. Ferglt It, fergit It- Byo bye." And she hadn't got over It by the time they reached Aust!n.-Chicago Tribune. PARADOXICAL CONCLUSION. Still, the Cleric Mar Simply ITaTe Lied About Ills Wares. "Strange," said a talkatlvo man in the lobby, "but four statements, each perfect ly true In detail, made a whopping big lie In the aggregate. It happened like this: I went into a Jewelry store yesterday and asked to see a cheap -watch. The clerk showed me a tin-clad affair at Jl GO. It came in a small pasteboard box, on the lid of which I noticed the statement that It was the equal of any S5 watch in the world. " 'Have you a watch at tsr I asked. Yes, sir,' said the clerk, and handed me a very neat timepiece cased in oxydlzed steel. Tou will And that Just as good as anything you can get for Ave times the amount.' he remarked, opening the back and showing me the works. 'It looks all right,' I said, 'but on second thought I believe Td like something better.' " 'Well, here are some filled case watches,', he replied, 'that we sell with a 80-year guarantee. Tho casecanTbe dis tinguished from solid gold, and the move ment is fully standardized and tested for heat and cold. It Is a watch we consider very cheap at J2S.' I pried open the back case and out dropped a little disk of paper, on which the 30-year guarantee 'was printed. This watch is as well made in every particular,' It said in preamble, 'as the average HOD chronometer.' " 'What kind of a chronometer can a man get for JlOOr I asked. The best in the world,' replied the clerk enthusiasti cally. 'Here is one now. You observe its thinness and general elegance. As far as the movement Is concerned. It Is simply im possible to produce anything better.' 'All right,' I said. Til invest on that assur ance..' ar.d I picked up the tin-clad ma chine ana laid down tl 60. 'I have your word.' I added, 'that this is the best watch on earth.' 'No, yop haven't!' he exclaimed. 'I don't say anything of the kind!' " Don"t you claim that it is as good as any tS watch going? I asked, pointing to the statement on the box lid. Yes but "And you Just assured me,' I con tinued, 'that the S3 watch was the equal of anything at five times the price. That gets us to S3, and the filled case guaran tee states specifically that the S3 watch is as well made as a 1100 chronometer. Here you have It in algebda,' and I pulled out a pencil and mode this staple calcula tion: 'A equals B, B equals C, C equals D, D equals X. therefore A equals X. Seer "But he couldn't see It. He stuck out firmly that each of the four assertions was gospel truth, but he wouln't stand for their logical conclusion. I told him he ought to be arrested for asking J100 for a watch which I could prove by His own admission was no better than ono valued at Jl SO. That tangled his brains In a hard knot, and I escaped while he was till dazed." New Orleans Times-Democrat. HUSTLING AVAILETH NOT. Was Yanked Outof His Bath to Tote Too Lute. A humorous incident of the voting on the Puerto Rico bill was the manner in which Representative Splght, of Mississippi, was brought into the House" Just a minute too lato to vote for Mr. Richardson's substi tute. While the roll was being called it was ascertained that Splght was not in his seat. A messenger found the MIsslssIpplan rolling luxuriously in a bathtub in the basement of the Capitol. He notified Mr. Richardson, who, appreciating the desira bility of recording every vote that It was possible to round up against the tariff bill, sent two stalwart Democrats to tho bathroom to bring Mr. Splght to the floor with the least possible delay. They found Mr. Splght sprawled at full length in the tub. "They want you up on the floor to vote for the substitute for the Puerto Rlcan tariff bill," exclaimed one of the mes sengers, who broke into the room without ceremony. "But I can't go now." Mr. Splght plead ed. "I am taking a bath." "If you don't get a hustle on you and have your vote recorded I wouldn't care to take your chances for coming back to Congress. Any member who ducks this important vote will bo blacklisted in tho party." Mr. Splght, who is an old man, and somewhat timid, gasped an inaudible re ply. He Jumped out of tho tub dripping wet and looked around for a towel with which to dry himself. There was none In sight. "What will I dor he pleaded. "Oh, get your clothes on and come on upstairs and vote and then come back and dry yourself," was the advice of both messengers. Then one of them seized Mr. Splght's trousers and assisted his wet legs Into them. The other helped him on with an undershirt and both aided him in put ting on shoes without socks. "Now I'll put on my shirt," said Mr. Splght. "Not on your life. You ain't got time," said the messengers. They put his overcaot on, commanded him to button it around his neck, and then hurried him upstairs to the floor of tho House, where he arrived Just as the Clerk began the recapitulation of the vote and too late to be recorded. As he stood out In front of tho Democratic desk with an ulster collar absorbing tho water that was oozing from his matted hair he was a pic ture of despair. He did not return to the bathroom until the final vote 'was taken half an hour afterward. Chicago Chroni cle DIDXT CARE TO DO TIME. Two Merry "Ensemble Loldles" Re ceive a "Setback." Two beauteous young ongsomble loldlcs of "The Belle of New York" merry merry got Into an automobile the other afternoon (It is simply astonishing, by the way, how far ongsomble loldlcs can maktt their $12 per week go) and went over to tho bureau of engraving and printing to see how the useful green papers are made. They were shown around by one of the pretty young women who act as guides. "Dear me," ecstatically exclaimed one of the merry-merry girls the one with the S1S0 paddock coat addressing the young woman guide, "aren't you ever tempted to grab an armful of those S10.000 bills and Just run?" "Well, yes, I confess I am," replied the guldess, with a straight face. "But there is one thing that restrains me." "What is that?" Inquired the two ong somble loldles together. "Time," replied tho guldess. 'Timer' they inquired In a breath. "How do you" "I wouldn't care to do it, you know," explained the young woman guide. "Do whatr' asked the ongsomble loldlcs. "Time," said the guldess. "Oh!" exclaimed the merry-merry girls, gently falling to the fact that they were being "strung." "And then, again," went on the guldess, with composed features. "I understand that they don't permit ladles in federal prisons to have curling Irons." "Ob!" exclaimed the ongsomble loldles. "I really believe that snip meant to be sarcastic!" they said to each other when they returned to their automobile. Wash ington Post. On, WHAT A FALL! Bnt He Gathered In the Crowd, Jnst the Same. The portly man with tho bulging over coat pockets began to lose his center of gravity gradually at the corner of Fif teenth street and New York avenue. One foot slipped from beneath him on the ley pavement, and by the time he had re-es tablished connections with the bricks with that one, tho other shot out from under him. Then they both began to execute a quick and dovlllsh shuttle dance. The man's arms flew out. and he seemed to bo making a wild but futile effort to pull slices out of the nippy atmosphere. Then be simply sat right down, without any su perfluous ceremony or hubbub whatso ever. Of course, all the men within a radius of SO feet adjusted their hands to their sides and ha-ha-ed Joyously. There Is only one thing on earth that tickles a man's fellow men more than to see him drop ker-flop to an icy pavement It tickles 'em more if he happens to have a bottle- of bug Juice in his rear pocket. This portly man with the bulging over coat pockets looked around htm in a dazed sort of way, as If he were endeavor ing to study the thing out. Meanwhile the dozen or 15 men who were waiting for cars Just lay back and hollered. The port ly man made no effort to rise, and the longer he sat there, looking mystified, the funnier It seemed to the merry gw$ around. Finally they began to close In on him. "Made you see constellations, hey?" asked one of them, laughlnk uproariously at his own humor. "Just taking a little rest. I spose?" in quired another. "Got a Job .melting the ice. eh?" aeked another. By this time there were about 20 men standing In a circle around the portly man who had so suddenly taken a sitting post ture. Then the portly man, without riling from his sitting position, reached into hU overcoat pocket and brought out a small square package. "Gentlemen." said he. In tho tone of a man who knew Juet exactly what he bad to say by heart, "I have taken this some what unusual method to attract your at tention to the merits of this new brand of mentholated, carbonized, dethlgum Jigged corn salve that I am selling at the almost Insanely low prlco of, a quarter a box, money refunded If you don't find Instant relief, and-" Most of the crowd fell back and disan. peared. but five of them thought he had earned their quarters, and bought corn salve. Washington Post. ' OLD TIMES EC TEJIJIESSEE. Amusing Example of Administration of Justice In Early Days. In "Old Times in West Tennessee" the author describes an amusing example of tho administration of Justice in the early history of Tennessee. Squire Thomas Thompson was the first Magistrate in Tipton, and the reader will see that he did not allow offenders to go unpunished. "Joe" Seaborn, a quarrelsome fellow. had a difficulty with a neighbor which ended in blows. The -Squire ordered the offending parties arrested and brought be fore him. Seahorn, the chief offender, took to his heels when he saw the officer ap proaching. Finding that he should be over- SOME SIMPLE CIRCULAR PORTRAITS. Queen Victoria. Lord Roberts ("Bobs"). ' J Rndyard KJplIngr. taken he climbed a tree like a squirrel and took refuge In the topmost branches. The officer commanded him to come down. Seahorn defiantly refused. "If ye want rae," he called, "come up' here an' get me!" Thinking himself safe, ho crowed like a defiant roster on his perch. The officer hesitated but a moment. "Fetch mo an ax," he said to a bystander. The ax was soon in his hand, and he began aiming sturdy blows at the trunk. "Joe's" bravado began to melt as the tree cracked and showed signs of falling. "Hold on!" he cried, rather weakly. "I'll como down." "Hold on yourself!" shouted the 'officer. "This tree's coming down, and you with It!" saying which he whacked away at the thinning trunk. Seahorn. thoroughly frightened, began to slide down and struck the ground Juat as the tree left the stump. He was caught in a moment by the officer, and for safe keeping was put under a cart body weighted down with a huge log. There he spent the day awaiting the Squire's time for trying his case. Youth's Com panion. SOARED HIM BLUE. Brave Lawton Confessed to Betas Badly Frightened Once. It has been said of General Lawton as of Bayard, le chevalier sans peur et sans reproche, that he was never known to ba afraid In all his life. Major Putnam Brad ley Strong, who served on the staff of General MacArthur In tho Philippines, de nies this. He says that General Lawton himself confessed to him that he had been badly scared by bullets, and that very recently. It happened Just beyond the Paco ceme tery. In Manila. General Lawton was rid ing past the cemetery one day with his little boy, when a number of our soldiers wcro burying some of their comrades. The firing squad found that they had nothing but ball cartridges. "Oh, they'll do," said the Sergeant of the volunteers. "Ready, fire!" enmo the order a moment later. Tho bullets went whizzing over the grave and over the stone wall, on the other side of which rode General Lawton 'and his boy, their heads only a few inches below the wall. The bullets made a breeze as they went past. "That blast of bullets whizzing over our heads scared me blue," said General Law ton, as he related the incident, "but the kid only looked up innocently and asked: 'Say. papa, does It sound like that when you're under Are? " Collier" Weekly. HAS MUCH TO LEAR. Western Farmer's Queer Reading of an OsHclal Envelope. Among the communications received In the regular malls at the Department of Agriculture a few weeks ago was a re quest from a farmer, located in one of the states of the far West, mat he be sup plied with a quantity of a certain kind of seed. He desired, he said, to make use of the seed on his farm for experimental purposes. Tfea commvuJscaUoa passed through the customary channels, until It finally reached the section of seed and plant introduction. In due time a pack age of the desired seed was mailed to the address of the applicant, inclosed in one of the ordinary official penalty envelopes. Much to the surprise of the officials ina seed was returned to the Department a few days ago. Accompanying it was a long explanatory letter from the farmer, full of protestations that he was Innocent of any Intent to wrongdoing. He bad wanted the seed for private use on his farm, he said, but when he made applica tion was Ignorant that such use was un lawful. He added that as he had prompt ly returned the seed, not having made use of it, he hoped he would not be made to pay the fine. , The Department people were highly amused when it dawned upon them that the Western farmer had mistaken the warning on the official envelope "Penalty for private use. $300." as applying to the seed. Washington Star. MISDIRECTED ZEAL. Georgia Physician Makes Slight Mis. take In Ills Patient. "I noticed a little reminiscence of Dr. McKane, of Augusta, Go., in the paper to day that interested me greatly," remarked a New Orleans clergyman. "I lived In McKane's neighborhood at one time, and have heard many stories illustrative of his quaint, kindly qualities of head and heart. I think one of the most amusing was about a runaway. "The doctor, as the tale goes, was sit ting In his office one Saturday afternoon, when he heard a terrific hubbub, and, look, lng out of the window, saw a runaway team come dashing pell-mell down the street. Grabbing his bat. he hurried out. and found a big crowd collected about the curb. 'Anybody hurtr he asked. Oom Pant Krnarer, Yes, sir.' replied a bystander, 'the driver's 'most killed.' "McKane pushed his way Into the throng and caught sight of a young man whose head was twisted to one side, and whose body was bent half double. 'Ah! ha' he exclaimed, wrapping one of his powerful arms around the unfortunate's neck, this Is evidently a cose of dislocation of the shoulder! I'll reduce it at once!' Suiting the action to the word, he seized the young man's elbow and gave him a herculean wrench. The victim howled vigorously and made frantic efforts to speak. " 'Oh! doctor!' he gasped, 'please stop! Oh! stop him. somebody! He's klllln me!' " "Hush your mouth, you fool!' said Mc Kane. sternly, 'can't you see I'm reducing tho fracturer " "But, doctor oh! doctor " "Well, you idiot, what d'ye wantr " I w-w-want to toll you.' stuttered the young man, 'that I was b-b-born this a-way!' '"Born this way!' thundered McKane, suddenly letting him go; 'wasn't you hurt in the runaway Just nowr "'No, sir,' said the cripple, humbly, they've took that feller Into the hotel.' " New Orleans Times-Democrat. HOT FOR EZRY. Although Somewhat Obfuscated, Knew Ghosts When He Saw 'Em. Ezry married a woman with the most tarnation tongue you ever listened to. Scorcher, that tongue was! When she hod occasion to rebuke Ezry the tongue would take varnish oft nie furniture. As a result of his treatment at homo Ezry was inclined to spend overmuch of his time at the tavern. He drank other things there beside cold water. And when he would start for home he was in that blissful condition where he didn't care whether school kept or not, In that con dition he was in some measure prepared to meet his gentle chatelaine. One night his wife sent her brother out to "play gnost" and scare the drunkard into reform. The gbost was expected to say In sepulchral tones that unless Ezry reformed he would be taken Into hell for sure when he passed over. Ezry came up the road across the road, too and he was trolling one of the lusty old songs of Revolutionary i.iys. He was halted by a sheeted figure. "D'eVnln'," said Ezry cheerfully. "Listen to your doom," solemnly and In deep tones quoth the specter. "Zhas all rt'." replied Ezry, "Ie'r go." "I'm a spirit." "Glad to hear o' Tier, glad to hear 'L Goo" sp't, I suppose? If you're good sp't I mils' stan' clever wlz you. I'm a pretty goo' rier, I am."" "I am a spirit of evil," boomed the spook. "Sp't eevllt Don shay sho. Wal, p'raps you're the devil himself." "I am." "Pu' 'er there, or boy, pu' 'er there. Come up t hous. Zhe'll be gla to shee ye, that zshe Trill. S'pose ye know, of course, that I'm-married to yr- sister Nancyr Lewljton Evening; Journal, Joseph Chamberlain. Cecil Rhodes. L POETRY Lj.A. The Blot on Polly's' Bonnet. Bow many causes Intertwine To make a perfect whole; What wondrous power, what vaat design. Most pay Its little toll! No earth attainment now we see But bears some tribute on It Prom eVry human industry: For Instance Pollys bonnet. She calU It a "creation," small And almple as can be. And seta no miracle at all In Its simplicity; But. when I try to figure out The thlno that helped to make It. So fast the pictures crowd about. I hate to undertake it. That Up. the Uttle Up that shakes So saucily on hlsn. , Tu plucked one day, far, far-away. Beneath an Atrle sky: I see a lordly ostrich stand And lay his onTrlng down. To help to make, for Tolly's sake. The pretUeat hat la town. A little valley next appears. And on the screen I ece Dull peasants tolltnr through the years And trees of mulberry: Tla France, where silkworms lire and spin And yield for loom and mat Th shining threads that tremble In This simple little bat. Next, wondrous fields of rustling gold Upon my mem'ry come. The horses tugging through the mold, The reapers' busy hum: And skillful hands are plaiting straw. And mysUo patterns glram. To make a dainty framework for What Polly calls her "dream." But what Is this, with axure wing Upon the sunshine borne? A Uttle bird, a beauteous thlnr. Trills gaily to the morn: I watch him bend his graceful head, As Sitting: blithely by He darts away In merry play Beneath the clear bluo eky. "A shot rings out. the leaden rain Ebeds darkness all around. And, writhing In its cruel pain. Tbe bird lies on the ground: A stream of blood Its body yields. It quivers, and la still; And murder stains the yellow fields And fashion pays the bllL So, suddenly, my fancy stays. No beauty can I ee; Gone all the charming daintiness. The sham simplicity; And Polly's face seems grown leas fair Beneath her dainty bonnet. For a little mangled body there Has set Death's seal upon It. John n. Bathom. In Chicago Times-Herald. A Hint of Spring;. There's a lasy time a-eomln" And It's comln' purty soon: It'll git a start In April Andll keep It up through June. Tbe sun'U come n-streakln-Croat the valleys and the hills. With Its warm light a-drtvln" Out the shivers and the chills. It'll loaf around the gardens And'll rocet among the trees, A-coaxln' and penuadln' With a mighty power to please. Till the earth will be In color. With the rosea all In blocm And the trees In leaf, and Nater Injoyln" of the boom. It'll ketch a feller wcrkin" In the house er out of doors. A tuTll start the tired feeltn' Ooiln' out of all bis pores. It'll make hla eyelids heavy. It'll set his brain on dreams Of tho cool and shady places By the quiet runnin' streams. Then'a the time to go a-Oshln. For the lasy time Is best 'CaUM a Ash ain't hardly human. And It never wants to.rest. By the rlpplln' of the waters, Makla' muslo all the day. He can stretch out where It's shady And Jrt. fish bis life away. If s the sunshine time, tbe fishln' time. The lazy Ume that's best. When a feller don't want nothln But to soak his soul In rest. William J. Lan-pton In New York Bun. Br'er Ephralm. Brer Ephralm preach de gospel Hla voice a-rlsln' higher. He say he gwlne to glory in a cherryoot er fire; "He's des too good ter stay beah" Dat what de people say; Dey boun' to sen" dat cherryoot Ter tek Br'er Ephralm 'way! He all de time a-prayln' In country en In town; "Lawd. wharfo dls delaym"? O. sen dat cherryoot down! I all de time a-preachln" I constant watch en pray; O fire up dat cherryoot En head de boss dls way!" Now, one night. w"en Br'er Ephralm Wuz sleepln fas en soun', De dumbly kotch on Are En de blaze leap all eroun! Dey beat and bang ter wake 'lm Wura dan a big baas drum: "Ttlse up rise up. Br'er Ephralm De fiery cherryoot come!" Br'er Ephralm holler 'Cl'ar de way I comln out de do'l O, Lewd hare mu&sy on me De cherryoot come fer shoT' En den be fall ter prayla'. Whilst all de sinners scoff, "I des can't go ter glory Wld all my cloze bu'n off" Atlanta Constitution. Let It Come. Comes the Spring with all its snowbanks. All Its colds and Influenza, All its doctor's bills and coal bills; All Its slippery, slushy sidewalks; All its wind and rain and aunshlne. Allots maple-sugar weather. All Its hopes and aspirations. Comes today the pleasant Springtime. Let her come, she can't be worser Than the beastly Winter weather We're been having; all this month back. Let her come and get her work In; Melt the snowdrifts, flood the gutters. Swell the buds and bring the birds, too; Start tbe many-colored crocus. Crocus vermis, Irldaceous; And the hyacinth so fragrant. Sprung from blood of Hyadnthus; Start the dandelion yellow, Leontodas Taraxacum (Put the accent where you want to). Start the fuzzy pussy willow. Start the Arbutus and also Any other flower that's ready Then we'll hall her and we'll call her Gentle Sprier. Ethereal MIMneea. UUca (N. T.) Herald-Dispatch. Pussy Willow's Out, Before tbe bluebird wings Its way To northern glade and dell. There comes a dear and happy day When buds begin to swelL Perhaps they see (we know not how) Some secret, beckoning sign. For roon on every willow bough The silvery catklrs shine. By singing streams so lately dumb The merry children shout. (Oh, Joyful news!) "The Spring has comet Tbe pussy willow's out!" Anna M. Pratt la "Flower Folk." s Taps. Lights outl and darkness brooding deep around Thee, soldier; not the trembling; bugle's sound Nor volley thrice repeated o'er the mound Shall waken thee. Lights outl 'Not where the flag of battle files. Nor here, where the sad. silent shadow lies. Shall drumbeat call or bugle bid thee rise. But sllenUy. , Thy duty done, thou steepest. Rest thee well. Nor any rude alarm shall strike and swell To rouse tbee Olory stands, thy sentinel. Good-night to thee! Bismarck Tribsno. My "Love Songs." "Mr. Waterhouse very rarely writes love songs" As remarked by one of my kindly critics. I rarely alng tbe love songs now that once I used to slnr. Tls not that Tve forgotten bow bright Cupid's arrows stlnr; 'Tla not that I am growing bald. .In faith. there's proof galore That for each hair time plucks from us we lova a Uttle more. "Tls not that sweethearts of the past are all forgctten quite. For e'en a name baa power to claim, my dreamlnr thought tonight: But when one Cometh through the mists; and I would slnr. I bear Words that the Muse can never use: "Please take the baby, dear." Sometimes, sometimes she comes to me with eyes of love ashlne. And breathes again the olden vow. "that M aneetheart of mine." - And then my pencil Is not still; It tries to paint her there. With youth's own beauty on ber face and sun- llgbt in her hair. "Oh. love," I say. "though I grow gray, you sweet lore blesses still. Tour hand In mine, we'll ne'er repine, my own. my darling" Fill The sentence as It seemeth best, I hear, with woe condign: "What name could you have bad In mind? Still' doesn't rhyme with mine." So love songs I do rarely now In gay abandon sing. Tbe baby Interferes, I vow; she shears tbe Muse's wine: And It Is hard, oh, very hard, to plainly, clear ly show Why "etlll" doth rhyme so poorly with a name 1 chance to know. And so my love songs are not sung, except you bear them when X rtng about a home of cheer remote from cares of men. A little home, a homely home, by love made passing fair. And If you listen you may guess my "love songs" center there. A. J. Waterhouse. In Examiner. Feedln' Hens. Tchlck. tchlcker. Sneeze and ker-snlcker! Pepper their grub and they'll lay for ye quicker. There's nothln' smells better than steamtn' bran mash; When I pound oh the bastn them hens makes a dash And they'll crowd and they'll gobble, they'll sneeze and they'll peck A-guIptn' It down till they're full to the neck. They relish It so that I vum and declare It's good for my appetite watchln 'em there. And If blsklts are done by the time I go In, I'm apt to pull up and clean out the wholo tin. I'm long. s'r. on grub, a believer In feedln. I think It goes furder than bluo blood and breedln"; Evry hen that I've got Is so pusser. by Jlnff. She can't tuck her noddle around under her wing; And beln she's wakeful and broke of her rest She'll always hop down for a turn on the nesL So I git double work, &'r, by usln 'em right One egg per hen daytimes ono egg ev'ry night I And they're llrln' like ladles on mash and chopped meat. With all the red pepper and corn they can eat. Tchlck. tchlck! They're makln' no kick. And It nothln' don't split I'll be rich putty quick. Lewlton Evening Journal. The Docks Are Comlnrr In. The southwlnl has a gentle touch, the air s tempered chill; Upon the ploughs and rush-rimmed lakes the Ice Is soft and thin; Low-hancing: clouds are (vmrrylng by; some snow-banks linger still; Thus wind and weather loud proclaim the ducks are coming In! Across the full moon's silvery face dark ob jects swlttly pass. And through the stlllne of the night there eound the well-known din Of wild gocm cries no music sweeter than those notes. Alas. That man should have to labor with the bonkers coming In! The clty"a walls a prison make, the oClce Is a cage. And- home and clubs lotw all their charms, while work becomes a sin; No brew can cure, no tonic heal, no mixture can assucge The fever burning In the blood when ducks are coming In! Bo from the old elk's antlers lift the 12-bore tenderly; (There's but one panacea when those fever throbs begin;) Make haste to rather shells and all. and fly captivity To where the "blind" Is waiting anl the ducks are coming in! J. W. Wrisht In New York Sun. To the Flnpjnck Cnke. Sing a song to tbe flapjack cak Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! That Is the way the batter must bake Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Splash on the griddle. Turn In the middle Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Sing a song to the flapjack's praise Sizzle de sizzle de zlm Watch how the pores and air buboles raise- Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Ere the crease flowing. See the pile growing Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Sing a enng for the flapjack thin Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Mother la waiting with long turning tin Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Smell the rich butter. Hear the green splutter Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Sing a song for the flapjack roun Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Sweet was that plate of towering brown Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! No one can bake them Like mother could make them Sizzle de sizzle de zlm! Chicago News. Ode to Spring;. Hall, gentle Spring! (Nay. nay, we want no hall: The very thought doth make our spirits quail It does, by Jlng!) Helgn. then But mark well how we opell It R-e-i-g-n! That's bow you hear us tell It. Oh. Spring, Tou are a sportive maid. And well you know How freeze-oufs played. But don't do so This year. We're glad you're bere. And crown you .lueen With garlands green Ard flowers sweet. 'Tls very meet With smiles to greet Tou. Spring! Tou gladness bring; That's why we say We hope you've come to star! Cedartown Oa.) btandaxd. Spring. ' Welcome, bright ethereal Spring" . "" With your sweet moist wing -j Come tbe gentle showers. Waking up the elumberirg flowers. Brooklets ever their stones are dashing. And their edgy banks are lashing; 'Birds are building In hedges and trees; Their songs making countless melodies. Halos of glory fill the air. And Spring poems are booming everywhere. Boston Courier. The Mean Slant Sbe wrote a charming little verse. Just sixteen lines and nweeUy terse; She sent it done In elite blue To a paper published In St- Lou: And when It came back marked "Declined It almost caused the tears to blind; For there It was In brazen blue "Tour test will never, never do!" j viuoago news. rs?. jJte?i:. .-4. ' t. y: . 1.. .; ' .jJt- fc-St iS.SJj , ' ' t ,,. . &&. i-l(ulli . i Jiidfe-s-tt''rfi-,irVT. .... .or .... j -' ias4-: l5f&Jf&1mf,-Slt&rte2'-i.Jii.a - --.,.? . . lr - .. iJ. ... &.. :. .' e., w, iiSi . ; .