,i t
r-;wv -"?r-n- "t'f
i s" ",'iiicr'i"T r"-sBF
-srr,
tTP"'rt! vsr ,
18
THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN, PORTLAND, JANUARY 7, 1900.
--1
NOOSE DANGLED FOR HER
PERtt OP WOMAS MIXER, ACCUSED
OF ROBBING SLUICE BOX.
la Male Attire, in. Auburn. Camp, Sho
Came Xear to Being Hanged
Early Mining1 Incident.
The snow had fallen two feet In Blue
gulch, Baker county, "where Auburn was
located. It was New Tear's eve, 1S62,
and all operations about the camp had
come to a halt The miners had either
gathered in their cabins, or collected In
groups in the larger buildings, for conver
sation and companionship. The place was
noted for the first -discovery of gold in
Baker county, although at this time I
cannot recall who made the discovery. I
visited Auburn in 1S67, and then gathered
the incidents on which this "story" is
based. By erosion, or by some other oc
cult force, nature had scattered gold
around plentifully on both sides of the
gulch.
Auburn was then only a collection of
cabins, the more pretentious having two
rooms. The late Senator James EL Slater
and family had moved to Auburn from
Corvalhs, and they had the largest resi
dence In the place, and the only cabin that
"was provided with windows. But it was
a dreary outlook New Tear's eve, 38 years
ago, in that mining camp. The miners were
impressed "by the surroundings. The gulch
"was an oblong and wide depression, and
a considerable portion had been prospect
ed and some sluicing had been done. The
cabins were located on the eastern slope.
There were probably 60 miners there in
ZS62, although the number Increased con
siderably a few years afterwards. They
were made up of all classes, rough, rugged
and virile specimens of manhood, but gen
erally had lived in refined circles before,
and had been attracted to the new min
ing camp with visions of wealth, which,
however, but Xew realized in those days of
uncertainty. Auburn was just the place
that one might look for a tragedy, or a
startling romance, for men were frequently
given short shifts by means of a rope and
handy tree in those days, when he was
found too familiar with somebody else's
sluice-boxes and no questions were asked.
Mysterious Young Miner.
In the Blue gulch camp there was a
young-looking miner. In fact, there was
a rather effeminate look about his face
and person that indicated that he had seen
better days, and that he was ill fitted for
the life and vicissitudes of a miner. His
appearance had often heen remarked on by
the other miners of the camp, for he had
only been in the camp hut six months,
but, as he paid strict attention to his own
business, no one ever tried to pry into his
affairs. It was felt, however, that there
was a history somewhere back in his life,
hut that it concerned him alone. There was
almost a womanly refinement about him
that protected him from the roughness of
the surroundings. "While he was spclable
with the other miners, there was a cer
tain reserve about him that held others
aloof from him and inspired respect for
him. He had a cabin all by himself off to
one side, and with the help of two China
men worked his claim, which proved one
of the very best in camp. He had come
in after the others had staked their claims
and took what was left, and it proved to
have been the very oream of the claims
of the gulch, but Its possession was not
disputed, and if any one in the camp had
undertaken to dispossess the young fel
low the "whole camp would have been up
inarms.
The young fellow called himself John
Evans, but no one knew if that was his
true name. No letters ever came to him,
and he never asked .for mail at the log
postoffice. He seemed utterly cut-off from
the rest of the world.
No work of any sort had been done for
several days. Evans kept closely to his
cabin that morning. It was reported that
a sluice-box had been robbed of a large lot
of dust, and that evidence pointed to Evans
as the guilty man. A rough miner, who
went by the name of Andrew Scroggins,
said that he saw Evans examining the
box the day before the snow had fallen,
when there was no one around. He said
Evans carried away something, but could
not say that it was dust from the sluice
box. Soon afterwards the owners found
that the run of thf past month, amount
ing to about JSOO, had heen taken from
their sluice-boxes. Under the same cir
cumstances, if it had been any one jlse,
there would be hasty action, In view of
the evidence, but with Evans it was a
different propositien. "While the evidence
seemed to point him out as the guilty par
ty, there was hesitation to act But a
meeting was called in the early morning
before New Tear's eve. Evans had been
invited to come, but had not been told for
what purpose. At this meeting Scroggins
told what he saw of Evans' visit to the
sluice-boxes, and of his carrying away
something.
Denied the Robbery.
Evans heard this statement, and for the
first time learned that he was accused of
robbery. At that time the penalty for
the crime was ignominious death, for
miners had to protect theselves as best
they could. Evans arose, after the testi
mony against him had been given, and in
a clear voice denied the robber'. How
ever, he admitted that he had gone to the
"box, but not for the purpose of robbery.
While this statement had its effect, it did
not clear him, and there were grave and
stern looks on the faces of the assembled
miners, when he had finished and sat down.
They were loath to believe he could be
guilty of the robbery, out the evidence
pointed to him with overwhelming force.
He was told that he was a prisoner, and
two men were placed at the door of the
cabin to prevent any attempt at escape.
A committee was appointed to make an
examination of Evans cabin and see
what could be found. The door was bro
ken open and the Inside ransacked. About
S500 in dust was found, but the commit
tee made another discover; that led them
to know that their prisoner was a wom
an. When this discovery was made there
was a hurried consultation, and another
meeting was called in another cabin. Here
all the miners were made acquainted with
the disclosures that had resulted In thP
Vslt to Evans' cabin. There were amaze
ment and astonishment depicted on every
face. The rough miners could have han
dled a man found guilty of robbery, but
this was a different case altogether. A
woman in their midst! Here in Blue
gulch, and accused of robbing a sluice
box! They had sisters, mothers and
wives somewhere back in civilization, and
their thoughts went back to them as they
remembered the prisoner. With all their
roughness they were gallant men. Each
one gripped his Colt six-shooter, and at
that moment if any one had said the
word "hang," there would have been
serious trouble, but they did not know
how to proceed. Scroggins, who had made
the accusation against Evans, noticed the
drift of sentiment, and tried to move
away from the agitated group of miners,
but he was given to understand that he
was wanted to stay, and stay he had to.
EinaPy, after much deliberation, a com
mittee was appointed to Interview the
prisoner and get an account of herself
and how she happened to be in the camp.
The committee started out with trepi
dation, and each one racked out and
came back and declared that they could
not They could 'Interview" a man, but
to Interrogate a woman, even if she were
in male attire, was more than they could
do.
Admitted Her Identity.
Finally, the oldest man in tne crowd
was delegated to perform the task. The
prisoner admitted that she was a woman.
and told him her story. How she had
been committed to an insane asylum back
in Missouri by some people who had got
possession of her property, and that In
order to escape her persecutors she had
assumed male attire, fled from the. asy
lum, and had sought to bury herself in
the most obscure place she could find.
She thought tht at Auburn she would be
safe, and having but little money left, re
solved that she would try mining. Re
garding the charge that she had robbed
the sluice-box she said that she was not
the guilty party, but, on the contrary, said
that the man who was her accuser was
the one who had stolen the dust
The miner was convinced of the truth
of her story. He told the guards at the
door to go about their business, and the
prisoner, who now said that her real
name was Rachel McHenry, that she
might go. The delegate then went back to
where the other miners were anxiously
awaiting his return. In a few terse sen
tences he conveyed to them the informa
tion he had obtained. There were fierce
looks in the direction of Scroggins when
he came to that part that referred to him.
He was taken in charge at once and thrust
Into the same cabin just vacated by Miss
McHenry, and securely guarded. His
cabin was searched, and a sack of $900 In
dust was found, and as It was well known
in the camp that he had accumulated no
such sum, with the evidence of Miss Mc
Henry, it was considered conclusive that
he was the thief.
Shortly after Miss McHenry had retired
to her cabin, she reappeared, but no long
er dressed In male attire, but as a wom
an, and at once every mother's son of
the miners fell in love with her. She in
terceded in behalf of Scroggins, and he
was given some grub and ordered to leave
the camp. He had to walk to Baker City
before he could obtain shelter or food,
but he was mighty glad to get off that
cheap. He was nearly dead when he got
there.
All this happened New Tear's eve.
What a time the boys had that night In
Blue gulch. If any of them are living,
and I suppose they are, somewhere in the
wide world, they will recall that time.
In modern literature, they had a hot time
in Auburn that night and Miss McHenry
was the guest of honor at a long table,
in the largest cabin In Auburn, around
which were gathered the rough miners
of the camp. Their hearts went out to
her, and the thought that she had been
accused of theft and had been a prisoner
at their hands made them all the more
anxious to make all the amends possi
ble. They got the best grub that the
camp afforded, and feasted until 12 o'clock
when, just before 1S62 passed away and
1853 was born, each miner rose In his
place and began marching past her around
the room in the rude log cabin. Each
one poured out on her plate an ounce or
so of gold nuggets and dust until there
was a big pile of glittering gold.
Another Round "Was Made.
"Come, "boys!" yelled one of the rough
est miners, "let's go around again. This
is the best New Tear's night I ever had.
Move on there, fellers!"
And so they made another round, and
another plate of nuggets was heaped up.
Then a committee of honor escorted her
to her cabin, where a guard of honor was
placed as long as she remained In camp.
As Auburn was then no place for a
woman, Miss McHenry resolved to return
to civilization. Her claim was purchased
by the miners for several times Its true
value. She was placed on one of John
Halleys stages one day, and took her
departure. She left quite a vacancy in
the camp. It may be said that she re
turned to her old home, and, possessing
means, soon recovered the property that
had been taken from her.
When I visited Auburn the last time I
think it was in 18671 was directed to the
little cabin where she lived while In the
camp, by James Klrkpatrick, who was
a clerk for Charles Goodnough. There
were then in the camp only a few who
could recall the event, as the others had
scattered, true to the migratory disposi
tion of f everlshness of miners. By a mere
accident I met the lady in Portland In
1876, while on the way to Salem, and she
confirmed the particulars of this story,
hut then begged that it be not published
until after her death. Only last week I
saw an account of her death in a St.
Louis paper, and then I thought perhaps
the story of New Tear's eve at Auburn
in 1SG2 might have an interest so I wrote
out the bare facts as I obtained them
years ago and stored them away- in my
memory. She told me that she carried
away from Auburn $5000 in dust, and that
the miners had contributed $3000 that
New Tear's eve. When she reached her
old home she resolved that she would de
vote her money and life to the cause of
humanity, so that the liberality of the
miners of Blue gulch toward her New
Tear's night, 18G2, had been the means of
eaucaung many a poor waif among the
poor of St Louis.
MR. O'ROONEY'S MANNERS.
3Irs. O'Rooney Assures Him They Are
All That They Should Be.
After an arduous morning's work of
sedulously dodging those parts of his beat
where trouble might be expected, Mr.
Rooney came home to dinner, very
wears', and sat him down with his hat on.
"Mrs. O'Rooney," said Mr. O'Rooney, as
he blew his nose delicately with 'his
thumb and finger and dried It with a
handsome cotton handkerchief, bordered
with horseshoes, broadly etched In red;
"Mrs. O'Rooney," he repeated, as he sat
down to dinner, and, leaning forward,
began to absorb his soup with audible
enjoyment, while his left arm gracefully
encircled his plate, "I've jlst resaved the
folnest compliment ez the heart of man
would be wlshin' fer, thanks be, frum
the Widdy McCallahan."
"An sure 'twas comln' to ye, fhwatlver
'twas, Michael, dear." said Mrs. O'Rooney
with pride, as she set a platter of corned
beef and cabbage before him.
"Mrs. McCallahan," said Mr. O'Rooney,
as he tipped his plate to secure the last
drop of soup and reached across the table
ior tne celery; "Mrs. McCallahan says to
me. says she: 'Mr. O'Rooney, they do be
tellln' me that 'tis yersilf has the gintle
manest manners of any wan on the force,'
she says to me. by the way, ez I was as
sistln' her with her laundhry basket
acrost the muddy sthrate. An' was It fer
me to be afther conthradlctln a inriv n
public?" asked Mr. O'Rooney, as he skill
fully forked a large piece of meat Into his
mouth and washed It down with gulps of
scalding coffee from his saucer.
"It was not," said Mrs. O'Rooney, with
feeling, as she helped Mr. O'Rooney to
half of a pie. "Aw, sure," she continued
"the good heart of her fer a bllssln' ! I'li
have her by. times to dinner, fer 'tis at the
table, Michael, darlln', ye've the gift o'
the folne manners. Praise the saints!
'twould make the praste hlsself an' him
a settln' ferninst ye, grane with the
invy."
"Faith, I think It wud, Mrs. O'Rooney."
M. C. BELL.
He Did Not Know Her.
The American tourist is so firmly con
vinced that he is being cheated on all
hands during his European travels that
he occasionally oversteps the bounds of
prudence.
"What Is the price of this pin?" asked
a young man-Jn a Paris shop, handling a
small silver brooch of exquisite workman
ship. "Twenty francs, monsieur," said the
clerk.
"That's altogether too much," said the1
young American. "It's for a present to
my sister; I'll give you five francs for It".
"Zen It would be I zat gave ze present
to your sister," said the Frenchman, with
a deprecatory shrug, "and I do not know
the young mademoiselle!" Youth's Companion.
HIS CLOTHES UNDID
SUDDEN .AJTD PATHETIC UNDI3G OF
A SEASIDE ROMANCE
Fate's Rude Hand Remorselessly
Severs an Idyllic Attachment At
a Fisherman's Dance,
"He has a handsome face."
"Perhaps, but he looks like 'a hodcarrier
suddenly come into a fortune."
"I have seen handsome hodcarriers.'
"That may be, but they were not, I ven
ture to say, traveling in a Pullman. This
man Is at odds with his present environ
ment. Now, put him in a blue blouse and
overalls and gave him a hod full of bricks
or mortar, and I grant h,e might prove j
Interesting enough as a type. He might
even appear picturesque, but that English
tweed does not harmonize with his par
ticular style of beauty. Nature, wnen she
fashioned his physique, never designed him
to be dressed by a tailor."
"Tour criticism reminds me of"
"What? If you have a story, tell It,
pray! Come, I am listening."
"It Is not much of a story, I'm afraid."
"Never mind, anything goes this trip.
Just begin at the beginning, please, and
J "I '"'m jfBSsdJ Jfy itff " " T'71a!-JljLrMi iln
FmST SLEEPING - CAR BUILT BY GEORGE M. PULLMAN CONDEMNED AND RETIRED FROM SERVICE HAS
TRAVELED FORTY TIMES THE EARTH'S CIRCUMFERENCE.
A dingy old sleeping-car of primitive pattern, Its sides battered and its interior woodwork cracked and warped by age and hard usage, stands
on a sidetrack In a corner of the main inclosure at Pullman, III., known as the "boneyard." "With a dozen of Its fellows, all in advanced
stages of dilapidation, it has been condemned. It has made Its last trip, and whether it is to be torn down and Its material used in the con
struction of more modern rolling stock, or "pensioned" and allowed to exist to illustrate tho progress that has been made In car building
since its early days, will depend upon the wilt of tho company. As yet no orders touching Its disposition hae been Issued.
Unusual interest attaches to this antiquated coach, by reason of its being the first of Its kind. It was the first sleeping-car built by
George M. Pullman. Constructed in 1861, it was given the prophetic name of "Pioneer," and in gilt letters, badly chipped and scaled, thla
name still appears upon its sides. Its experiences If a sleeping-car may be said to have experiences have been many and varied. In 1865
It was sent East to return with the funeral cortege of Abraham Lincoln. At least 10 governors of the state of Illinois have ridden in it, and
it has transported many other people prominent in professional, political or business llne3.
This is the second time, according to the Chicago Tribune, from which the above sketch la taken, that the "Pioneer" has been retired to
the "boneyard." In 1SS9 the company decided to give it a long rest, and It was backed into the scrap heap, only to be resurrected and placed
on exhibition during the world's fair. It was supposed that this would be its last appearance in public, but an unlooked-for emergency came
on in the form of the Spanish-American war, calling Into use for the transportation of troops all the available rolling stock of the country.
Again the "Pioneer" was oiled up and pressed Into service. Since then It has been In constant usage until a few weeks ago, when it was re
turned from San Francisco and condemned. It la estimated that tho "Pioneer" has traveled over 40 times the circumference of the earth.
stretch it out as long as you can. The
monotony of life by rail never oppressed
me as it does today J'
"Well, what you said about the man
and his clothes recalled an incident that
occurred in a little town on the Oregon
coast, several years ago. I was living
there at the time, holding down a claim,
If you know what that means"
"I do not, but no matter; go on with
Jhe story."
"Neja was with me, and a girl, a young
friends of hers, came down to spend the
summer with us In our cabin by the
sea
"She was a very pretty girl, full of artis
tic perceptions and romantic to a de
gree that was often amusing. She was
always raving in a gentle way about 'ef
fects,' and calling our attention to pic
turesque features in the landscape.
A Portrait.
"There was a handsome young fellow,
alwaj'3 about, coming and going in his
boat on the bay. We admired his man
ners and his graceful ease In handling
the oars. When Alene her name was
Alene explained to us how out of the or
dinary ho was and how far superior to
any of the young men she knew at
home, being, as she poetically expressed
it, an unspoiled child of nature, schooled
by wind and wave and trained by neces
sity, why, we began to admire him. And
Indeed he was pleasant enough to look
upon, In his fisherman's blue, with a
gleam of red at the throat, where the
outer flannels were thrown open, to give
the well-knit muscles free play. Alene
said the modeling of that bronzed throat
was classic. We did not dispute it. o
had fine eyes, too, and an abundance of
silky, brown hair, that waved closely un
der the brim of his old, slouch hat, al
ways worn on the back of his head.
" 'He Is well enough as a feature In the
landscape,' Neja admitted, 'and he Is use
ful to fetch and carry, and to have about.
If you want to go anywhere, but as for
the rest one must have a romantic dis
position, indeed.'
"Alene had the romance, without a
doubt, and the 'rest' followed as naturally
as day follows night. We were, there
fore, not In the least surprised when she
came in from a moonlight walk on the
beach one August night, after a prolonged
adieu to the young fisherman, under the
pine tree at the cabin door, and told us
that she was engaged to be married.
" 'Engagements, summer engagements
especially, are delightful enough,' re
marked Neja, casually, 'but, in the event
of marriage, I wonder what you and your
picturesque fisherman would live on.'
"Alene was brushing out her beautiful
blonde hair, preparatory to braiding it for
the night. She turned upon Neja with the
dignity of a young prlncesa
" 'I am not so accustomed to luxury
iuh.1. x Bna.ii snnnjc rrom poverty with the
man I love,' she said, and Neja was
silenced, if not convinced.
"The summer drifted leisurely by, au
tumn, the Ideal season of the year on the
coast, deepened through dreamy days ana
moonlit silvery nights. The winds and
waves, save ior one or two glorious
storms that kept us housed for days, were
still. Time and place were conducive to
romance. Alene and her lover were
Idyllic In their devotion. We looked on
and were amused, interested, and, finally,
absorbed In the contemplation of so much
unalloyed bliss.
" 'It Is beginning to pall,' declared Neja;
'I wish they would quarrel, just to vary
the monotony.'
Idyllic Love.
"But they did not quarrel. Alene was
to return home In November, to prepare
for her marriage, which was to take
place, no one interposing objections, early
In the spring. Everything might have
gone well to the end of the chapter, but
for an event whose consequences none of
us could have possibly foreseen.
"It was the last of October, and the
fishermen decided to give a grand ball to
celebrate the close of a prosperous sea
son. Of course, we were invited. Alene,
who wished to appear at her best for
Johnny's sake, sent home for her pret
tiest gown a dainty affair of silk and
chiffon, which Neja pronounced alto
gether too fine for the occasion.
" I am not dressing for the occasion
replied Alene.
"The loft of the salting-house had been
cleared of Us accumulated rubbish and
given over to the dancers. The ball
opened early. It was a dark night, with
dashes of rain, now and then. Johnny
came for us about 8 o'clock. We had long
been dressed and waiting, full of anxiety
for the safo convoy of Aleno and her
chiffons to the scene of festivity.
''We hurried down to the landing, when
we heard the sound of oars, and Johnny
helped us into the boat The darkness
hid all but the dim outline of his figure,
but even that puzzled us.
"What 1b the matter with him?" whis
pered Neja to me, in the safe seclusion of
the stern seat Aiene occupied the bow,
where Johnny was carefully wrapping her
up in oilskins.
" 'I don't know,' I whispered back.
" "He looks so queer.'
" 'He certainly does, but it ia too dark
to see why.'
" T believe it's his clothes.'
" 'Nonsense.'
" 'It is his clothes,' repeated Neja, with
conviction.
"I said 'nonsense' again.
"Arrived at the wharf, our escort had
to look after the boat, and. leaving him!In citizen's name was Smith might add
to secure it against the ebb and flow of
the tide, we picked our way carefully
along the planked walk and up the rick -
ety stairs to the loft, where the dancing
had already begun, to the sound of two I
vfotlns and a flute? Z dressIngToom had
been partitioned off In one corner, with
the aid of a discarded sailcloth, a scarlet
blanket and a patchwork quilt To Its
uncertain seclusion we directed our steps,
and there proceeded to divest ourselves of
our cumfbersome wraps.
Radiant Expectancy.
"Alene was a picture In her dainty fin
ery. Her face was radiant with expec-
"Pioneer," in the "Boneyard."
CptW'aaMfr.
tatlon and happiness. Neja regarded her
with an envious little sigh.
" 'It's all for him,' she said. 'I wonder
how it seems to be engaged and to dress
for one man only.'
"Johnny was waiting for us when wo
emerged from the dressing-room. Neja
clutched my arm. 'Look at him!' she ex
claimed, in tragic tones, and I looked.
Could that be Alene's handsome fisher
man? Could clothes so unmake a man?
Involuntarily I glanced at Alene. I saw
her give a little start when her eyes fell
upon him. She colored painfully, then
grew pale, and I thought she was going
to faint; but she was not that kind of a
girl. She simply stood still and looked
slowly all about the place, quite as If her
lover did not exist. Poor Johnny evi
dently felt that something was wrong.
He was not at ease, and he had, In all
likelihood, never seen anything in his life
quite so dazzllngly beautiful as his be
trothed, in her evening gown, with the
flash of jewels on her breast and in her
hair.
"He approached and spoke to her timid
ly, awkwardly; there was something
touching in his plundering desire to please
and tho surely fatal result. Alene glanced
at him coldly, without speaking.
" 'Won't you dance?' he said.
" 'I do not care to dance this evening,'
was her reply; then, to me: 'What a mot
ley crowd, and how it smells of fish. Do
you think we care to stay?'
" 'Of course we do, cried Neja; 'that
is what we came for, and I am going to
dance, If I can capture a partner. Here,
Johnny, If Alene won't dance with you,
I will. Come along!' And she bore him
orr, dazed and reluctant
" 'I think,' said Alene, her voice per
fectly calm and clear. 'I think I will get
my wrap; this loft Is like a barn anil
she disappeared behind the patchwork
quilt, leaving me to watch Neja and the
unhappy fisherman. I gazed at the latter
In wondering amazement He moved with
about as much grace as a jointed doll;
every vestige of his former ease had van
ished. He slouched; ho stumbled over his
own feet; he did not know what to do
with his hands, and he carried his head
very much as if he had swallowed one of
his own oar blades and It was still stick
ing in his throat.
A Shattered Idol.
"Poor Johnny! The high standing col
lar, black frock coat and fashionably cut
trousers which he had been at such pains
to procure In honor of the event had be
trayed him to his ruin. His brief dream
of happiness was over. I pitied Alene, but
she might have been less cruel. She came
out presently, all muffled up in her long
cloak of furs. I did not look at her, but
I felt her shiver.
" 'This place Is dreadful; I have tnken
cold already,' she remarked.
" 'It is your thin dress. If I had known
how cold It would be up here, I should
have forbidden it,' I answered, feeling
that a scolding would be the kindest thing,
under the circumstances.
" Tea,' she said, mechanically. 'If you
and Neja wish to stay, I will get one of
tho Busby boys to row me home; the tido
is ebbing.'
" 'Oh, I am ready to go any time I
replied. 'They are through with the dance,
I think.'
"Neja came back, and I explained to
her and Johnny that Alene had taken
cold, and that It would be dangerous to
keep her in this dress In that draughty
place a moment longer. Poor Johnny'
Nothing could make him more miserable
than he apparently was already, and ha
seemed relieved to lead the way to tha
boat. Neja tried vainly to lighten the
gloom of that homeward journey. We
were all glad when we reached our own
landing, and Neja and I hurried up to
the cabin in advance of the lovers.
"What happened after we left them we
never knew, but in a little while Alene
came up alone, and with a brief good
night to us, retired to the tiny bedroom
curtained off from the corner of ours.
The next day but one she returned to her
home In the valley, and, so far as I know
she has never seen her fisherman since.
'It was his store clothes that did it Neja
said, and she was right."
"And so that Is your storyl Well, it
only serves to clinch the argument In my
favor; our handsome hodcarrier opposite
is clearly out of place'
"I give it up, my dear; you will always
have the last word, and I guess in this
instance you are right Anyway, 'dinner
is ready In the dining-car so let US take
up a more interesting subject1'
SOUGHT TO OBLIGE WIFE
RISKS INJURY TANI MSS OF REPU
TATION IN ENDEAVOR,
Tossed Hither and Thither in a Tur
bulent Sea of Women Shoppers
and Bargain Hunters,
The suffering citizen stood smiling a
sickly smile surrounded by a circle of
swishing skirts. This is only a state
ment of plain facts, not a study in sibilant
phonetics, though the fact that the suffer-
xo tnai suspicion, csmun naa come from
i his happy home io do a little shopping
' for hl3 wife, with specific directions as
t0 how ana wnere to do It He had a little
"Bt on U "T articles. Includ-
j ing a cake of soap, two yards of silk, a
tootn Drusn, a rou or tape, a pair of black
silk stockings Smith wished that his wife
had left them off a box of hair pins, a
dozen handkerchiefs, and various other
articles, all of which he was to get at one
store.
Having reached the entrance, he paused
in dismay at the surging mass of femin-
ity rushing through the swinging doors.
He wasn't at all certain that ft would
be safe for an unprotected man to become
Involved in that riot. He watched to see
If any other men were bravo enough to
go in, but saw none, though a few came
to the entrance, looked about them, and
fled precipitately. While Smith was con
sidering what he should say to Mrs. Smith
if he did likewise, a side eddy of the rush
caught him and before he knew what
had happened, the advancing billow had
swept him past the portals and Into the
dread precincts.
That Is how he came to be standing and
smiling a sickly smile. He stood because
he didn't know where to go and he smiled
to show to a cold world that he was still
In the ring. The skirts swished volumi
nously around him, and occasionally one
of them got more or. less tangled up with
him to his great distress, and the owner
thereof said to him, in frigidly insulting
accents, "I beg your pardon," and with
ered him with a why-cumbereth-he-the-earth
style of glance that swept him from
head to foot
The Bargain Counter.
As far as he could see in any direction
there was nothing but women in sight.
They shopped. Smith wished that he
knew how they did it He felt that he
must make some move. He made it, and
the' next instant he was the apex of a
flying wedge plunging irresistibly toward
a bargain counter. Smith struggled des
perately. He didn't yearn for bargains.
Already he would have been only too
glad to give up all his money and get out
with his life. But there was no with
standing the Impelling forces behind him.
He brought up against a plump lady, whose
life was saved by the strength of her
stays, as she impinged upon the edge of
wo uuuiiier witn sucn rorce that it cracked
and began to retreat
Smith gave a mighty wriggle, slid off
to one side and found himself against
the counter, gazing Into the eyes of a
little, red-headed shop-girl. The eyes
seemed to be questioning him, but his
faculties had heen shaken by the sud
denness of his charge, and the gasps of
the plump lady next him who had acted
as a buffer disarranged his mental pro
cesses so that he couldn't quite remem
ber what he wanted. Presenetly his whole
list of required articles shot Into his mind
at once. He addressed the rqd-headed
shop-girl:
"Tooth - brush - silk - roll-o'-tape - silk-stocklngs-hairpins-hand
"
"Which?" said the girl intensely.
Smith came to himself. "Tooth-brush
please," he murmured.
The red-headed girl fixed his left ear
with a' stony glare and Intoned a recita
tive to this general effect:
"Third - elevator - upsecondnfloor-three-alsles-to-the-right-seven
- to - the - left-left-across-and
- down - the-middle-swlng-partners
- four - eleven -forty - four-siss-boom-ah."
"I I I beg your pardon." snfri Rmuv.
The red-headed girl shifted her pene
tratlng glare to his right ear and said
the whole thing backward. Smith tr,
hole in the crowd and crawled through It
Several ladles said things to him that
they would hardly haVe ventured to say
to their own husbands. He passed over
these testimonials of esteem and attained
a space which seemed to afford a chance
to rest and recuperate. .Hardly had he
taken a free breath when a tremulous old
lady trotted up, peered Into his face with
near-sighted eyes and said:
"Oh, Harold, I thought I never should
find you, Why didn't you wait for me at
the door, as you said you would?"
It would have undoubtedly been the po
lite thing to stop and explain, but Smith
didn't have the time. He started away,
the old lady following and plaintively call
ing upon him to stop. A voice from some
where suggested:
"He's taken that old woman's purse.
Isn't It a shame! Where's the store de
tective?" That lent wings to Smith's feet. He
soon distanced the proprietress of the un
known .Harold. Presently a glad sight
met his eyes. In the distance he saw a
man. He struggled toward his fellow in
misfortune. If he could but reach him
they would clasp hands and together
make their way out Into the pure air of
freedom again. After dire hardships he
reached the supposed man, only to find
that It was a floorwalker. Some floor-
walkers are human, however, and this
was one of them. He appreciated Smith's
position, and, talcing him In hand, ex
plained to him for three minutes and a
half the exact location' of the tooth
brush counter and that of the soap coun
ter, which was not more than a couple
of miles distant, as well as the lost man
could make out.
Off he went and hadn't got fairly out of
sight of his mentor when the last vestige
of recollection had passed from his mind.
He was standing before the elevator with
out an idea whether he ought to go ud
or down. It wasn't a healthful place to
stand. Scores of hurrying women, urged
by an apparent centripetal force, plunged
in upon him from all sides and battered
him until he was dizzy. A tall, thin speci
men of womankind got a sharp elbow
under his chin and directed his gaze
heavenward, while a fat individual, carry
ing weight, hurled herself against his de
fenseless ribs until they creaked. When
he presently got his face down a lovely
vision who was nestling, though not with
premeditation, close up to his shoulder,
maneuvered a bonnet feather Into his eye
and waggled it, causing him a temporary
blindness, during which one of the deadly
tribe of umbrella-bearers made a side
swipe with her weapon and caved his hat
in. Smith wiped the tears out of his
eyes and tucked his hat under his arm.
Immediately a severe woman marched
upon him with a military precision of
step. Before Smith could explain that ho
was not her Harold, Percy or Marma
duke, as the case might be, she demanded:
More Trouble for Smith.
'Where Is the embroidery counter?"
'Tin sure I don't know, ma'am," replied
Smith.
"Don't know!" said she, looking at him
as if he were a bug of some despicable
kind. "That's a nice thing. Where are
your curtains?"
"I haven't got any curtains."
"Well, you ought to have. What are
you here for? Perhaps you will tell me
where the linen counter is?"
"If you're dealing in conundrums," said
Smith, desperately, "I'll ask you one.
Where's there a tooth-brush?"
"I will not be Insulted by a floorwalk
er!" cried the severe woman. "I will re
port you. If this was my store "
"If this were your store!" cried Smith,
savagely, "I'd make you show me the
way out of it, or I'd sue you for dam
ages. I'm not the floorwalkerl"
"Not a floorwalker! Then what right
have you got to go around here without
any hat on, as If you belonged here?"
"The right of every man to protect his
6wn property. I wish you'd go away and
look at a picture book," he added, nerv
ously, for a big circle had gathered
around, and he Inferred from overheard
chance remarks that he was suspected of
being either drunk or crazy, and probably
both. At this unpleasant Juncture a short.
thick-set man pushed his way quietly
into the crowd and asked:
"What's the matter here?"
The form of the question was Immediate
ly recognized by Smith. He grasped the
newcomer by the arm.
"You're the store detective, aren't you?'
he asked eagerly.
"I'm one of them," said tho man. "Any-
inmg wrong?"
"Are you a good detective?" asked
Smith, anxiously.
"I guess I'm good enough."
"lou're the man I'm after," cried
Smith, slipping a bill into the hand of
the other. "If you're the real thing in a
detective, just sleuth out the toothbrush
counter for me and take me there."
"That ain't so hard as it might seem
to a stranger," replied the detective, and
within three minutes he had landed the
wanderer against a counter on the second
floor, where he secured a place behind a
customer to whom the shop girl was ex
plaining that trying a toothbrush before
purchasing was against the rules of the
establishment The customer responded
with some heat that she guessed she
wasn't going to buy no toothbrush with
out she had a chance to see whether It
felt right or not, and departed, leaving
her place to Smith. Two other women
scrouged In beside him, however, and
jabbed and poked and shoved him until
he was ready to fly, but that ho was too
tightly wedged In.
Confusion Worse Confonnded.
The result was that he got Into a con
dition of mental confusion, again and
hovered between toothbrush and soap, so
that, by the time he came to be waited
upon, he asked the clerk if she had any
toothbrush soap. Realizing his mistake
as soon as it was uttered he would have
been glad to recall It, but the weird de
mand was already on its travels. The
first girl languidly asked one Mag, if she
had evef heard of toothbrush soap. Mag
hadn't, but she passed It on to Sadie, who
didn't believe there was any such thing,
but thought if there was Mrs. Biggs would
be sure to know about It, so Mrs. Biggs
was referred to and she appointed an In
vestigating committee and the whole
vicinity rang with toothbrush soap.
In the course of time word came back to
Smith that they had no toothbrush soap,
but they had something quite as good that
would do for cleaning all kinds of brush
es; a patent cleaning combination war
ranted to, etc. At the end of the oration
Smith explained in quavering accents that
he had made a mistake, and wanted just
plain soap. He meant to say, just plain
toothbrush, but got rattled again. There
upon Mag, Sadie, the Investigating com
mittee and all the other girls behind the
counter said In weary monotone:
','Soap counter three to the left four
down seven to the right across the
hall," and at that point the unfortunate
man fled and got downstairs by a piece
of unlooked-for luck, having blundered
upon the staircase, while looking for the
elevator.
He decided to go away and think out
his course before trying any further, and
wondered If there wasn't a smoking-room
somewhere around the place. While he
was looking for some one who might tell
him, he caught sight of a line of stock
ings waving gently in the draught not far
away. He remembered, with a thrill of
distress, that Mrs. Smith had been par
ticularly Insistent about the stockings,
so, fortifying his soul with the thought
that It would soon be over, he advanced
to the attack. At the point where he
brought up there was an empty space
near the counter, and the girl who had
that part of It to attend to was up on a
little ladder making a very high reach
for a box. As she turned to step down,
having got the box, her eyes looked
directly down into Smith's. Seizing the
opportunity, he leaned eagerly forward
and asked:
Thnt Settled It.
"Have you got silk stockings?"
The girl came down like a flash, after
one startled glance from her feet to
Smith. Her fact was red. hut there was a
twinkle in her eye. She bent swiftly over
to tho girl next her and said, In tones
not so low but that they were audible
to Smith:
"Get onto the fresh geezer wantin' to
know If mo stockin's are silk. I'll have to
strike for a screen next time the missus
chases me up to them high shelfs."
This was the last straw for Smith. Tn
two seconds he was out in the aisle, going
anywhere to get out of the way. His
progress was one long line of apologies
to women who addressed him as "clum
sy brute." Finally he was caught in a
general movement and carried toward a
spot to which a long lino was tending. He
passed a floorwalker, stationary, by a
miracle of static resistance, amid the cur
rent, and cried out to him, pointing to the
unknown ahead:
"What's that?"
"Rear exit," said the man. "What are
you looking for?"
"That's It," cried Smith, with a thrill
of joy.
Diving head foremost Into the thick of
the tumult, he made his way. in one glad,
destructive rush through ruin and devas
tation and the shrieks of the despoiled
and trodden to freedom again. New York
Sun.
STUFFED HIM SKIN-TIGHT
RETRrBTJTIOjr FOM.OWS THEFT OF
A "PROPERTY" MUTTOX CHOP.
Nelll Dramatic Company's Advcnturo
With Hungrily Acquisitive Young;
Darky at Spokane.
An amusing Incident occurred at Spo
kane during New Year's week, at tha Au
ditorium, where the Nelll company, billed
for tho Marquam, of this city, for tho
week beginning Monday January 15, was!
then playing an engagements Thofio fa
miliar with "Lord Chumley," which was
the piece being performed by Mr. Nelll
and his people on tha evening when tho
thing happened, will remember that in tho
second act, Chumley ha3 a chop served
for his breakfast, in his attic lodgings.
It Is the duty of the property man In tha
case of the Nelll company, Joseph Hodge
man to provide this chop and see that
It Is on hand at the moment wanted.
At the Auditorium performance, tho
chop was provided all right, but just an
Instant before the curtain was to rise, it
was found to have disappeared. As its
absence would spoil an effective bit of
stage business, the curtain was held while
Hodgeman and tho entire stage forco
hustled to replace it Another chop was
finally procured for Lord Chumley's (Mr.
Nolll's) breakfast, and the performanco
went on, without the audience having sus
pected the momentous events transpiring
"behind the scenes."
Hodgeman had noted a couple of pick
aninnies hanging about the stage during
the evenign, and his suspicions as to tha
theft of the chop fell upon them. Mean
while the entire working force of the the
ater, smarting under the odium of the
affair, felt It Incumbent upon lt3 members
to hunt up the culprit.
The Cnlprlt Found.
As tho curtain finally fell upon the
play and the audience were leaving their
seats, one of the pickaninnies called out
from the recesses of the stage, as ha
dragged the other little darky into light:
"Hyah, MIstah Nelll! Hyah'3 the thief
dat stole you' chop." Thereupon he pushed
forward a forlorn, ragged, bareheaded
youngster of about 10 years of age, who
stood tremblingly before Mr. NellL
"So you stole my chop?" Inquired Mr.
Nelll, severely.
The darky squirmed and dug hl3 toe3
Into the carpet, but said nothing.
"What are you doing here? How did
you get In?" asked Mr. Nelll.
"I b'Icngs hyar; I work hyar," answered
the child, defiantly.
"You work here? What on earth- do you
do?"
"Wa'al, boss, dis yere drop curtain, a
won't stay down right smart, nohow, an'
I'se 'gaged ter set on do roller and keep
It dar."
A look of astonishment pervaded Mr.
Nelll's face, but a glanco at the stage
hands showed that this remark occasioned
no surprise among them.
"Why did you take tho chop?" asked
Mr. Nelll.
" 'Cause I done been hungry," said the
boy.
"Hungry? Are you hungry yet?"
The boy grinned and squirmed, and tried
once more to bury tho toe3 of his shoea
in the carpet. i
"You've been a bad boy, and must bo
punished," said Mr. Nelll; "and tha sen
tence of this court Is that you be taken
henco to my dressing-room and there
made to eat until you can't hold any
more. Take him away, Edwin."
Mr. NelH'3 valet. Brlce. was dispatched
to tho nearest restaurant, and soon tho
little darky was seated before a large
tray of substantial edibles. The members
of the company gathered around to watch
the novel sight, and as the food rapldly
dlsappeared. It was hard to say which was
tho larger the boy's ever-filling yet never
emptying mouth, or tho eyes with which
he still devoured what was still before
him.
Finally there came a timo when he
could eat no more, and still there was
something left of what had been provided.
Ho sighed heavily and looked anxiously
at Mr. Nelll.
"I'se pow'ful sorry, boss."
"Sorry? For what?"
"I'se done et ev'ry bit I kin," and tho
boy eyed the remainder of the rpast
wistfully.
"Can't eat any more?" thundered Mr.
Nelll. "This Is a vile excuse to escape
your punishment, villain. You have got
to eat every morsel of It."
" 'Fore God, mlstah man," cried tha
now terrified darky, "I kyant do it. I
wish I could. My skin done been fit ter
bust now."
Committee of Investigation.
"We shall see," answered Mr. Nelll.
"Stand up on that chair! Gentlemen," he
said, turning to the assembled mmbers
of tho company, "I appoint you a com
mittee of Investigation. Examine this boy
well and give me your unbiased opinion.
Do you think he can eat any more?"
The committee began its duties, and as
each one gravely turned him. from side to
side and prodded him with their fingers,
tho boy turned almost pale with fright,
and was heard to say:
"Good Lord! I wish I hadn't e't dat
chop. I'd a had room fo' mo' I"
At last the committee decided that the
boy could hold more, at which he howled
vigorously. The committee, however, ad
vised that the rest of the food should bo
held in another receptacle, and offered
for that purpose a large paper bag.
"Take that bag, you young rascal," said
Mr. Nelll. "and put every bone, every
crust, Into It. If you leave 30 much as
a crumb, I'll mako you eat your wholo
meal over again."
The little darky jumped down from tha
chair and hurriedly brushed everything
from the tray into the bag. Then, being
told to go, he went as far as the door,
where he hesitated a moment Shifting
restlessly from one foot to the other, but
holding tightly the well-filled bag, he
blurted out:
"Say, boss, .Js yer gwlne ter play dXs
yer piece tomorrer night?"
"Yes; why?"
"An ef I eat3 de chop as'in, does I g!t
anudder supper?"
A shout of laughter, in which Mtsa
Chapman, the members of the company
and Mr. Nelll joined, and a rush fr tho
door sent the young ragamuffin scam
pering out Into the street.
"None Too Good Foh 31c."
White folks puts on glasses so's ter set an
read a book.
Black folk3 in de kitchen all a-Iearnln' how ter
cook.
"White folks goes a-tastln' an a-amellinf all
about
A-huntln" easy wittles eoa dar stomachs won?
give out.
Hello. Mistuh Pohk-cJscp,
Fat afl you kin be.
You'a moa too rich foh white flk9.
But you's none too seed fofe ae.
Oh, run an' git de doctor 'caso do booe h4
got a pain.
An de lady h4b hysterics ebry time de boss
complain.
Cullud folks aln' Jealous or de trouble dat dey
finds
"Wld nuffln on deir Btomachs n' detr over
loaded mlnde.
Hello, Iflatuh 'Possum,
Hangln rum de tree.
You's moa too rich foh white folks.
But jou'a none too good foh me.
Waafctnstoa Star.
o
About Time to Leave.
"My love," he cried, "Is like a green bay
tree'"
"Weil, this being fall, it's about tlma
for the green bay tree to lave' roared
her father down the radiator. Phila&
phia North American.