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About The Sunday Oregonian. (Portland, Ore.) 1881-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 24, 1895)
THE SIDvDAT OBEGOXL3T PORT:LA3x1 FEBKTTAJETS: 24, 1893 13 THE SOXXET. Aa often In seme M and gloomy fane A devotee twill kneel him down to pray Before the self-same shrine day after day, And to his guardian saint his wees complain. There, while Mi finger tell the beaded chain. His soul in ecstasy drifts away. Till back returning with the esper strain. It enters once again its home of clay. Sr. In the cloistered corridors of eons. There h? one altar where I )me te kneel. Though humblest of the worshipers who throng Its narrow space. Yet there I often steal, And 'In the sonnet's sacred chalice pour My tears and sighs, until I weep no mere. Louis A. Robertson lnS. F. Chronicle. Old Ladies' Stifle? Fabric and Benign Suitable for Elderly Dxiuts. NEW YORK, Feb. 23. Brocade and pray hair have always seemed an imposing combination, and now that brocade is se lected as the correct dress-up material for elderly women, dignity and stateli ness are likewise the fashion. Both are synonymous in the mind with rich rust ling textures, and in point of quality, as s, ( fV i - A JIOL'SE ooirx well as design, the new brocades leave nothing to be desired. In the black weaves, -which are pro nounced the best taste, the patterns are especially handsome. Bouquets, large and small, and raised with a high satin finish from a dull back ground, predominate ovei; jflgures; but ihofigir'ieQmbecness is "theT prescribed .ex pression, for years, it Is not to be assumed that the -woman who has eaten her cake anJ lost her roses must always advertise that mournful fact In gloomy black. Tor her whose heart is still young, who to her last day will see the world still greenwho even In her slim coffin per haps will have some dainty grave fix ing to mark her as a sweet dead coquette for this adorable and much-maligned ell gentlewoman, there are brocades whose black backgrounds bloom like flower gardens with bouquets in natural tints. These are exclusively for evening nnd high dress use. and when worn by blight figures, and contrasted with plain b'a. k batin, they make magnificent and becoming toilets. A late model visiting gown of thlsjraly-flowered sort, and that Is just suited to the woman who grows JfATROSZY oil In a gracious tea. rose fashion, Is of black and dujl pink brocade. The flowered skirt, which opens In front ccr a petticoat of black satin, is full and sJghtly trained and apparently entirely Withcut stiffening. The bodice is a short ja ket cut with Louis XIV. leanings, a -vest of black satin in folds repeating the -shaped glimpse of the petticoat front. The sleeves are the gigot model, only moderately large, and held flat at the fps with a number of tiny side pleats; thej are finished at the wrists with wide cuffs of black satin and falls of rich lace. This lace, which is point applique in a mellow white, appears again in a volumin ous fichu that, coming from under wide satin revers at the vest sides, ties high up at the throat in a vast bow and ends. Heal lace, we are told, as well as the marvelous imitations that so nearly coun terfeit them, ie to be the correct throat and wrist muffling for all the eWerly woman's best gowns. Chiffon in ruches, or plisses flattened lrto tiny knife-blade folds, may appear at times; but Just as her Mechlin pinners rrarkei the gentlewoman of the old wbool she of the new will be known by her bits of cobweb lace. In the point of cut there Is no absolute rule for the eldorly brocade gown. ISvery thng depends upon the figure for which It Is Intended, slondercess calling for one in i. A 1 Mx treatment and a surplus of flesh another. A black brocade gown for a little roly poly grandmamma is made with a rigid eye toward a slim effect, the first btroke la this direction being made in the device of the material, which is patterned in minute flowered stripes. The bodice, a short basque shape with tw6 tiny fan pleatings set in the tail back, is made to look small at the waist by narrow bands of glistening jet put in V-shape. These outline a vest of black crepe lisse made in close flat folds, and there are no re vers to accentuate too plump shoulders. The mutton-leg sleevs are almost small and hang slink from the shoulders, em phasizing toe up-and-down principle of the costume. The plain skirt, the Inevitable godet model, is only moderately wide, and al most entirely without flare. Brocade, one regrets "to admit, tends always tcward a fatal width giving, but if her best frock is made in this way, and the design of the silk carefully chosen big flowers, plaids and stiff fig ures avoided as a plague no little grand mamma need look wider than she is long. Satin and velvet arc, like brocade, the right of the oldish woman, and they are likewise fashioned with a strong view toward showing off the quality of the material. Tne satin frock may have pipings of the same, or trimmings of narrow jet: but the velvet costume is always more splen did when depending mainly on the cut for effect. Crrpon gowns, which in black seem possible for all ages, when trimmed at all have only narrow in-turning folds of the same. Most commonly they are made severely plain, and when worn by widows, turn over collars and cuffs of fine hemmed lawn are sometimes neat and effective ac companiments. In silk, gros grain and peau de sole are much affected by old ladies, and these stuffs, as well as the others, are in the best taste when made plainly. If the bit of old lace at neck and wrists is too dear a luxury, white tulle will add much to the tone of the black silk gown. A black peau de sole dinner gown of especial graclousness has a vest in crossed bertha folds and wrist pleatlngs of white tulle. The shape of the gown borders slightly on the princesse, it being made all in one, and yet with a distinct body that has the plain black of the younger article and a skirt that is fulled on slightly below the waist line in the good old ways of 1S65. The body opens in loose folds over the vest, and the waist is outlined with a narrow belt of the peau de sole, that fastens simply in front of a square jet buckle. NINA FITCH. HOW TO BEHAVE. Simple Utile of Etiquette That All Should Follow. Some one has paradoxically said that "trivialties are the most important things in life." And if manners make the man, then these small courtesies that constitute the ensemble of polite behavior are quite worth study and observance. . A kindly heart and genial nature may be the, Scotch poet's definition of a 'gentle man, but to the world at large these are the corner-stones, from which should spring the finer architecture that completes the structure. Changes in etiquette are purely vagaries of fashion, only to be adopted by that leisure class who regard the tying of a cravat or shaking hands one of the serious events in life. Both men and women hesitate at the foot of stairs over the question as to which shall go first the woman or the man? This short rule, if remembered, will gov ern the indecision that in going down the steps the man follows the woman; in going "up, he precedes her. Never pass a woman on a staircase, no matter under what provocation, especially if you have no acquaintance with her. If a man is coming down stairs hurriedly. FROCKS. and a woman appreciates the situation, she can quicken her steps or stand aside, say ing, "Do not let me detain you." He should bow his thanks and pass on. Everv mntleman should remove his hat when accompanying a woman down the steps. If they are strangers, and meet on the stairway, she advancing, he should stand to one side, and remain with head uncovered until she is a step above him, then resume his way. Should he be a few steps from top to bottom, he must go back to the landing, allowing her to pass him. This is the etiquette of the stairs. It may sound trivial to enumerate these rules to a man of the workl, but It Is a safe esti mate that six out of every 10 forget to ob serve them when In the rush of business offices, hqtds, or even boardlng-housos. Next to the question of the stairway comes the problem of the door. When women are passing out of a room the men should give them precedence at the door. If a man has followed a woman dawn the stairs, he allows her to pass into the room first, as he stands at the side of the doorway, not behind -her. If the door is closed he can step before her and open It. It is erroneously thought that if the door opens Into the room the man should pass In. with the handle in band, and stand there as she enters. Not so. The door can be thrown open and hekl back with his open band from the side oa which he should stand. Therefore, the manner In which a door opens does not alter his attitude. The two rules already outlined should stand for a man's courtesy In an ele vator. A woman precedes him both when en tering and leaving the lift. Men are not very careful in lifting their hats when fe male occupants share the elevator. "It Is troublesome." they argue, but it is a breach of politeness to do otherwise. No matter In how great a hurry a man is to catch a street-car, he must stand aside if a woman desires to get on. It Is unnecessary to lift his hat as she does so, for the action would materially lessen his ability to jump on the car. If he has acquaintance with her, she should be assisted by him, and it is af firmed that the polite thing for a man In any case Is to respectfully help a woman in a position like this; especially if, as usual, her bands are filled with bundles. No sensible woman would take offense at the courtesy, if it was properly exe cuted. Offering a seat to a woman in a car is so many sidd a problem there is little satisfaction in discussing the question. That a man should lift his hat when he does rise to offer his seat'ls a rule that holds no amendment. The lady's escort. If she has one, lifts his hat also In ac knowledgement of the courtesy. In alight ing from a street-car the rule of prece dence is reversed, the man stepping down first, that he may be of assistance. This action holds good in every case, whether tendered from stranger or friend. When greeting a woman on the street, do not merely tip your hat J or, as many do, barely touch its brim with your fin gers. Raise the covering entirely from the head, leaving it bare as she passes. It is a bit hard to determine whether man or woman should hnw first. Tt is very much a question of the degree of in- I timacy. In the case of a slight acquain tance, a woman should be allowed the choice of recognition. Of course, it de pends very much on catching the eye, for a woman dislikes by lcok or action to no tice a man acquaintance who may have forgotten the introduction. In southern countries it is the vogue to stand with hat In hand while conversing on the street with a friend of the oppo site sex; climatic conditions do not favor that custom in all latitudes. In lieu of this, the gentleman lifts his hat both on addressing and leaving her. The best pro cedure under such circumstances is to walk with the woman until the conversa tion is ended. This relieves her from any tonsplcuousness. When escorting a woman to the theater, always go up and down the aisle before her. This rule Is founded on common sense, for you make clear the path. When the coupons are identified, stand aside and let her pass in first. Always rise when a woman is passing .in front of you to a seat. It is no mark of deference, but makes less obstruction A man should offer his arm to a lady after nightfall. The custom Is not as general as formerly, but it lends too much support and comfort to women to ever fall into disfavor. In assisting her over a crossing or through a crowded thorough fare, his hand placed under her elbow Is more efficacious. To an elderly woman he should extend the latter courtesy at any hour of the day, as she will probably need the support. Whenever you see a woman's gown in disorder, so that others may unpleasantly criticise, the fact should be told her. The manner of telling determines her recep tion of it. A man who. lifting his hat. steps up to a woman and quietly says, "I beg your pardon, but your skirt is slipping down." and turns away, may feel assured he has done the proper thing. It may em- ASSISTING HER OFF THE CAR. barrass her deeply, but she will thank him. It prevents a dozen passers-by from laughing at her. Several men tell me they glance over a friend's toilet very carefully If they are accompanying her to a public place. All members of the lovely sex do not possess maids, and gowns are sometimes carelessly put on, so the surveillance of a quick eye and a bit of advice though masculine may prevent later disaster. "How shall I shake hands?" asks a IPfEiV CALLIXO. :rl OPEX1XG THE DOOR. score of men. Surely there are changes in that old-time custom." Never mind those vagaries. Shake hands in the most cordial and graceful way you know. Don't let the hand fall through your friend's without energy. Nothing is so unpleasant to the other party. If the woman Is ungloved, and there is pleasant friendship between ycu, give her hand a cordial clasp. The new method of "high hand shaking" provides for the gloved woman and it is a sensible provision. Just take her fingers within yours and shake them on a level with the chest. This prevents your soiling her gloves. Your own hand should be uncovered when greeting friends of either sex. If you are making a short call, carry your hat, gloves and cane in the left hand into the drawing-room. Place the hat and cane on any available piece of furniture, keeping the gloves in the left hand. Where receptions are in progress leave the first two articles in the hall. The little boys who were admonished for thrusting their hands in their pockets while talking to ladles would be surprised at the system In vogue for the past five years. The correct attitude now is to stand in the formerly proscribed manner, a la Gibson's society men. When dining the same custom is observed between the courses, and a man sits with both hands half slipped into his trousers pockets. ADELE MCALLISTER. rr BUNS OR PUFFS. Extremely EripIlsb Stles for Dress ing: the Hair Jubt Xow. NEW YORK, Feb. 23. I shall never forget with whafcdlsmay I regarded the coiffures of the women I met on Oxford street the first morning I arrived in Lon don. Those frightful knots or waterfalls at the back of th'ehead; or, lacking that, great quantities 'of puffs that stood out fully four inches-'from the head. I con cluded it was the4-style of an ordinary class of shoppersbut no; that afternoon in Hyde Park, mondalnes who lolled back in victorias arranged their shining locks after that fashi&nVand the climax came when I found thapparticular coiffure on the head of every, fashionably gowned woman at the opera that night. The only consolation came with the fact that in the evening they had abandoned the hideous invisible (?) net that kept the knot in place, Wo'ild the fashion take passage over the Atlantic the American woman asked themselves in consternation. Their ques tion has been answered. I don't know by what liner thet style came, but It Is here. The hairdressers windows display dummies with "tlieJfEngllsh knot," lead ing actresses havjyHdoptjd it, and it has crept into the avejnuetfic last battle ment an extreme fashion,. opens- fire upon. Miss Nethersole,lMrsr"Langtry, Miss Hanbury, of Beerbphm Tree's company, and even Miss i3ssy Fitzgerald, the dancer, are exponents of this new head fashion, and the outlook is that whoever attaches a Dutch'-bpnnet to herself must wear the "Bath Bun." The architecture of this knot is simple, but it takes many hairpins to maintain it and I would advise those made of tortoise shell rather than wire. "How do you do it?" I asked of one whom it becomes. "Fasten the hair tightly as if beginning a French twist vary low down on the neck. Divide the hair into two parts. Take the upper one and form it Into a figure S. Do the under strand the same way. building one coll almost over the other. Place the hands top and bottom of the knot, pushing it out in the center. This gives the desired prominence and shape, which, to be correct, should 'bulge' far out in the middle. "This Is its fashioning, and the larger the knot the more correct. Of course, ? ' j w r !- THE SEW HOVE. women to whom nature and hair tonics have not been generous, must resort to a 'switch.' In London one can buy the whole knot, built up most artistically and the women who indulge in these luxuries have only to pin them on at the back of the head." "This last defined is the genuine 'Bath Bun, but another formation obtains that has the same effect. It is a eclffure of puffs. If one has sufficient hair to ar range it, the result is accomplished by fastening one's locks in the manner I mentioned before. Divide the ends, roll each one over the fingers, pull it out to a graceful length and pin the puffs down, one beneath the other, until the back of the head is ornamented from parting to nape of neck. "This is the 3tyle worn by the Princess of Wales, and is especially becoming to all slender faces." CLAIRE CLAXTON. m HOUSE DECORATIONS. What Artist Advise to Make the Home Beautiful. NEW YORK, Feb. 23. The walls of Ed win H. Blashfield's studio hung with tapestry or laden with old armor are not exactly object lessons in the art of inex pensive decoration, but Mr. Blashfleld has practical ideas on the subject, born of the long experience that has helped to make him a national authority on the beautify ing of houses. "It is a capital idea," said Mr. Blash fleld. "to make some of this talk on house bold decoration suit the needs of the dweller In the apartment that rents for say SS or $30 a month. They are the ones who perhaps can put "it to best use, for It is certainly a mistaken notion that beau ty in household decoration is necessarily expensive. Now if I were to move into an apartment and were required to furnish It on the very smallest possible sum, I would, In the first place, buy furniture of the simplest pattern and of inexpensive material. It is really wonderful how much prettier a. plain pine chair can be made at a total expense of perhaps $1 530 than, some of these hideous stamped plush things for which moderately well-to-do people pay from 53 to -515. If the walls were within my province, I would much prefer a quiet tint put on at small ex pense than any ornate designs. As for other decorations, I should exercise self abnegation until I could find things that suited my apartment and my pocket book. How very much better the average low priced New York flat would look if it were partly bare instead of being stuffed with the goods people buy in job lots when they go to housekeeping. As a a writer describes them, those things dis played on the sidewalk and advertised as 'chaste and cheap.' "Speaking of wall papers, though. It Is Interesting to notice that some of the most attractive are cheap, while others and hideous ones are costly. Quiet conven tional designs and tints that do not stare at you are always preferable, of course, to the red leaves and green apples and loud flowers that one frequently finds. Among the decorations of my inexpensive flat I would be sure to include some of the plaster casts that one can buy in any large city of the country for $3, or perhaps even less. Naturally I don't refer to smug girls standing under umbrellas or uninteresting females preparing to dive from the little round pedestals. I mean the exact reproductions of famous works of art. Really I know of no better deco rations for the price than these. They ele vate the apartments and the taste of the person who lives in them. If one does not like the staring whiteness of the plas ter, it is well to treat the cast with oil linseed oil is good. That tones It down and glve3 it the appearance of marble. "I believe that the most attractive pic tures for a wall to which no very expen sive works of art could And their way are good photographs of famous paint ings. They are quiet company, but one ccmes to enjoy them in time more than if they were bright bits of color. "This question, of color is one of the hardest to deal with. The tendency Is toward garish hues. The cruder the taste of the decorator, the rawer his colors will be. You will find his dwelling-place full of violent reds and greens and blues that fight each other and make a sort of commotion that wears on one's nerves, whether the victim knows it or not. "One of the hardest lessons to learn is that one must avoid showy things. I don't like bunching up everything with rags big bright scarfs over every chair back and picture frame and every other place available. These sofa pillows stuffed until they look like bombshells about to explode and adorned with huge pink satin bows are a frequent abomination. Per haps the best rule to apply in this matter 13 to put nothing Into a room which, as one artist of my acquaintance expressed it, 'comes out and bucks you in the eye.' The Impression that .one is to get upon entering a room for the first time, ought to be one of general harmony in line and col or, and not of independent objects which seem to quarrel with one another for your attention and have no relation with each ether. "Cheese cloth, some of the new crepes in delicate colors, the matting that one finds in some of the Japanese stores and what are called Japanese rugs are very well worth keeping in mind if one pro poses to furnish a house cheaply, al though It is said that the Japanese rugs do not wear very well. Antique Persian and Turkish rugs could be a more impor tant factor in cheap but tasteful house hold furnishing than many suppose. They last longer than carpets. They add great ly to the general effect of a room, and most important of all, in connection with our particular object, they are cheaper ,than the cheapest, carpets,, provided you take into consideration the fact that they will outwear half a dozen carpets. 'The average low-priced flat in New York is hampered by mantels generally of imitation black marble, which may have been sent by an overruling Provi dence as a punishment for sins. They are irredeemably ugly. The only way I can suggest for lessening the burden is to put a board on top of the mantel-piece and cover it with drapery that hangs down in front nine inches or a foot, con cealing just so much ugliness. What a blessing it would be if the builders could onlybeinduced to put up mantels on plain simple lines and made of materials which would not be in violent contrast with the colors of the rest of the room." Frank Ver Beck, an artist, whose name has been made famous by the humor that fills the fountain of his pen and always flows' freely, tells me he believes a roar ing bonfire would be a valuable agent In the decoration of a moderate-priced house or flat. He would not bring the flames to the parlor, but he would take several features of the average parlor to the fire and burn them therein until they were reduced to the quiet, restful gray tone of ashes. "What a blessing it would be," Mr. Yer Beck went on, "if this bonfire could be fed with the ugly chromos and old-fashioned cheap pictures which abound in the houses of well-to-do people who haven't yet caught on to the modern Idea of color harmony and general good taste. How much better their walls would look if they were decorated, instead, with illustrations from the modern magazines illustrations that are genuine works of art and yet can be bought in quantities, with good stories thrown in, for 15 cents. Lacking color? Well, what of it? There is no cry ing demand for a lot of color on the walls. It is an art chestnut to say that fondness for bright colors is barbaric, and that the 'less heathenish we become the quieter we want our colors. Our hon ored friend. Father Time, is always stand ing around ready to give us a lesson In colors. As soon as he gets hold of a thing he fades the loudest colors out of it, and after he has had a chance at It the probabilities are that it will look better than it did before. He keeps his choicest goods in the second-hand shops." Another artist, who is so well known and prosperous that he could not be In cluded as a beneficiary of his own idea, makes an interesting suggestion.He said: "People In very moderate circumstances have an idea that artists are a great luxury and that only the wealthy can make use of their training in household decoration. That Isn't so, at all. There are talented young artists in every large city who could give valuable Ideas for the decoration of houses and who vould be not only willing but glad to spend an evening or so in arranging parlors, as sorting colors, suggesting the needs of this corner and that, bringing things from people's garrets into their parlors and banishing other things from drawing room to lumber-room. Their services would be especially valuable in selecting the interior colors for new houses. "Remember, I'm not talking about the hpuses of the rich, but of the dwelling places which rent for anywhere from J25 to 575 a month. Those persons who pay that much rent could get a couple of evenings' work in the way of suggestions from a young artist for less money than they probably suppose. How much? Why er perhaps even 510 or 515 would cover the whole bill. They might not approve of his suggestions at first, but the chances are that if they followed them they would never regret it and would consider the money spent one of their best invest ments, for if the artist Is worthy of his calling, he has a trained eye for line and color and he will make the place far pleasanter to live in than it ordinarily would have been. There is a great field for art in this direction, and it is high time for it to be understood that this art Is for all and not for the few." CURTIS BROWN. Dyspepsia's victims find prompt and per manent relief in Hood's SarsapariUa. BAB IS HERSELF ONLY SHE OBJECTS -TO SCRIBBLERS I'SIXC HER SAME FRACDULEXTLY. Besides Scoring: These Literary Pi rates, She Discourses Entertain ingly About Dogs, Etc NEW YORK. Feb. 28. (Special Cor respondence.) This kind of weather makes one fully appreciate the horror of Dante's seventh hell; where. Instead of being com fortably warm .the poor souls sleep, sit on ana eat Ice, and, when they arc remorse ful, weep icicles. As well as possible, this state of affairs has existed in most homes; but I am so taken up with a burning indig nation that I feel more and more com fortable, as far as warmth goes, every minute, and more and more indignant the more I think about some things I have just heard. I hope all newspaper editors are going to be very nice, and write out three very personal affairs. A little while ago a woman calling herself "Mrs. Coe," was at a hospital in Philadelphia. While she remained there, she told to the nursea and whoever would listen to her a story that is absolutely untrue. She announced that she was "Bab," and had cast aside her husband's name, and taken the one under which she was born. Now this woman is a fraud. Coe was not her maiden name, Bab was never in a hospital, she has not been to Philadelphia for three years, and she bears her husband's name with as much pride as she did the day she first took It. So much for "Mrs. Coe," whoever and wher ever she may be. Another woman, name unknown, has, I believe, been cavorting about In the West ern states, being entertained at hotels, given theater and railroad passes because she was "Bab." "Bab" has never been further west than Buffalo in her life. She never knew the joy of a railroad pass but once, and then she forgot to use it and bought a ticket. When she goes to hotels, she pays her way. I hope, if ever these two women are heard of again they will be arrested and held until I can get where they are, and then I don't think there will bo any necessity for having a stove in the room. The next sufferer from fraudulent rep resentation is my friend, and the woman I love best next to my mother, Ruth Ash more. For two years Miss Ashmore has been a. bit of an invalid. She has not been away from her home, which she shares with me, except to go to the coun try. The false "Ruth" solicited subscrip tions, and I believe got a great number, a something which Ruth Ashmore never did, for her work is in a different line. This woman was entertained by kindly people, and visited largely throughout northern New York. I believe she is just now thinking over things behind the walls of a penitentiary, but my friend asks me to say that when she does go among strangers they will only find out when they grow to know her very well that she Is not merely "Miss Ashmore, a pleasant woman," but the "Ruth Ash more" who counts among her acquaint ances and friends so many girls all over the country. So much for myself and my kin, and, indeed, dear Mr. Editor, who will blame me for being angry? This wras talked over when we were having our tea, and after I had expressed myself decidedly and made the air cheer ful, we began to discuss other things, and this story was told: A young Englishman, a theatrical manager whose diamonds are as large as his ambition, and whose rings are as innumerable as his flow of words, said to a man, apropos of his ability: "The thing to do, dear boy, is to catch the ear of the vox populi." After we had all laughed, somebody else got to talking about the prima donnas and their lost dogs. They seem to get dogs to lose them. My. private opinion is that the reason a prima donna likes a dog is because he masters her when nobody else can. She becomes his slave, and every woman likes a master, even if It is one with four legs and a tail capable of expressing joy or sorrow. The time has come for dog stcries. Miss Backnumber hurled this chestnut at us yesterday. She knew a dog, in fact it belonged to her brother-in-law (this dog always does belong to one's brother-in-law or one's cousin). He had his leg broke, and a kind-hearted young doctor took him; to a hospital, set his leg and kept him there for two or three weeks, permitting him to enjoy all the luxuries of the season, and to live an idyllic dog life. The time came for him to go. About a week after the doctor was standing at a window look ing out on the street, and he saw his dog friend trotting toward the hospital with something in his mouth. In time, the doc tor saw it was a penny. The little dog stopped just in front of the door; there stood a push-cart man, who sold such sponge cakes as only a dog can appreciate. He hesitated. All his soul went out to the sponge cake, which he knew the penny would buy, but the nobler feeling tri umphed. Dropping a tear in memory of the lost dainty, he trotted up the steps, and dropped the penny in the box at the door for the poor patients. This was a noble pup, but unfortunately for the young woman who told the story nobody laughed, for we had all told It ourselves, and we had all claimed that dog as being attached to us in some way. Now, my dog story Is true. That's where it differs from every other dog story. A dog who frequently dines with me, a fox terrier, rejoicing in the name of "Blee kins," always stops as he enters the front door and wipes his feet on the mat. I ask; nobody to believe this. It is asking too much even to demand that one's own kin should accept it; but I know it is true. Another dog was told about then by a young woman, who pronounces vase as If it were spelled "vahse." She claims ij have a pug that, when he hears he.-- play the march from "Lohengrin" joiDS In and Kings if in perfect time! I saw my mother adding bitter salt' tears to her tea when this was told, for she has an old-fashioned idea in regard. to the value of truth, and yet she expected us to believe this: She knew a dog, in fact he belonged to her brother, who wouldn't eat terrapin unless It was diamond-back and had plenty of eggs- in it. After this everybody took their tea without sugar. But really and truly, there is a dog of my acquaintance who won't eat in the kitchen unless some of the family go out and sit with him, because he is so aristo cratic. He cocks up his nose and wags his tail from side to side, as if he were trying to tell of the blue blood in his veins, and to make you understand thor oughly that he would not associate with the queen of the kitchen. The telling of dog stories Is undoubtedly demoralizing. Everybody knows of the man who was on his deathbed, and who started to tell the Treacher a dog story. The invalid's bregjfekgrew short, and all he said was: ' once knew- a remarkable dog; In fact, he belonged to my nephew," when he weakened and gasped. The minister said, very tenderly: "My friend, do not make any effort: rest assured we will meet in heaven." He gave a gasp and said: "Are you sure of it?" The preacher an swered. "Yes." The dying man's eyes Highest of all in Leavening Power. brightened; there was a flash of intelli gence in his face, and with his last breath he .said: " "Remind me then to tell tho rest of tAat story." After this; tqcrtrue tale, can It be said that dog stories are not dangerous? The drinking of absinthe is as nothing, and the worst of Jt is, that women take tq them as naturally as a fish does to water, and when one comes to think: of it,, this is something they never do ahout fish sto ries. I know of a life-long friendship being broken by a dog story. The dog in question was an omnipresent fox-terrier, and he was clever. One woman gave him to the other, and the woman who gave Him felt that she had a right to use her imagination about him. while the woman who owned him felt that it was her privilege, and they quarreled about that, and while they were doing this ,the dog ate the back off Worces ter's dictionary, and so gave his mistress an opportunity to explain his versatility In regard to words. And this made the other woman madder than ever. And these two. parted in sorrow and tears, and the cause of it all lived a happy life, slept the sleep of the unjust and of dogs, ate the fat of the land, and never knew what it was to worry about servants or fire insurances, but counted all the world as his slaves. There is that wonderful dog who goes to buy a penny bun, and walks out of the baker-shop insulted, and never goes there any more, because the baker tried to defraud him by giving him for his penny a stale bun, when he knew that they sold at two for a penny. Then there Is the dog who, when he saw the curtains on fire, got up on a chair and pressed the button of the fire alarm, and after this awakened everybody in. the house by bit ing at their toes, and stood by the baby's cradle, holding its cloak in its teeth, and having the fire insurance policy, which he had gotten out of his master's desk, securely pressed down under his tail. This dog was just a little too knowing, though. He is the sort that would sit up with two lovers as a chaperon, and bark whenever the lover attempted to kiss the young woman he loved with a mad, despairing passion. Then there is the dog who sleeps be side the baby, and when it has a croupy cough wakes up the mother, and then trots over to the closet where Dr. Pink eyes' Croup Dlspeller is kept. I never have met these dogs, but I hear of them frequently, and they always belong to the blood kin of the woman who is tell ing about them. She always introduces her story in the same apologetic way "I knew a dog. in fact he belonged to my Aunt Sarah" and then the rest of the party look solemn, wonder if suicide is against the law, how many years" are given for woman-slaughter, and if the morgue is full. Who hasn't thought that Herod ought to wear a halo, when the children in the flat above have a good romp on. a carpet less floor? Who hasn't thought that the foolkiller wasn't doing his work when the news papers tell of the riches of the man who gained them by preaching unbelief? Who hasn't thought that cook-book writers, who advise boiling a leg of mut ton four hours, ought not to be allowed to promulgate these dangerous doctrines? Who hasn't thought that it was time for all modest women to be careful about their daughters when other women start to tell stones only fitted for bar-rooms? Who hasn't thought that the so-called temperance people are very Intemperate in their judgment of the people who don't happen to agree with them? Who hasn't thought that a lot more practice and a little less preaching would make the whole world better? Who hasn't thought that the meanest thing in the world is pretense? Who hasn't thought gracious goodness! it is quite time for me to stop thinking, else somebody will say, "Who hasn't thought that the most tiresome of all people ia BAB? RAPIDSH1BBU1L:DING. A War Vessel Launched a Year Af tee the Keel "Was Laid. Examples of the speed with which battle-ships of enormous tonnage can be built in English dockyards are furnished by the Magnificent and Majestic, whose keels were laid less than 12 months ago. The Magnificent, with all her armor-plating on, her boilers fitted, and a good deal of the machinery on board, will be floated out of the dock next Wednesday, or exact ly a year and a day from the date on which she was "begun. The ceremony might have been performed a day earlier but for Lady Spencer'3 inability to be present then. At Portsmouth the Majes tic in only in a little less forward state, and she may be ready for floating out in the course of a few weeks. Thus both ships have beaten the record for rapidity of construction. It is only fair to say, however, that the Magnificent could not have been advanced so far In the short space of 12 months without the aid of private contractors. Messrs. Penn, the engineers, have done wonders in supplying the huge boilers and machinery as fast as the builders could get ready for them, and Messrs. Cannell & Co., of Sheffield, have delivered every foot of forged steel armor plating for tho great citadel with unexampled celerity. Every plate, the thickest of which meas ures fourteen inches through, had to be rolled with 4 special calculature in all directions, and case-hardened on its outer surface to a degree of density by what is known as the Harvey process, which the admiralty only decided to adopt eighteen months ago, and the manufacturers of armor-plates have shown great enterprise in adapting their plant to meet the new requirements. The Magnificent is citadel-belted with a double streak sixteen or seventeen feet wide just below and above the water line. Every foot of this is now in position, and the great battleship will be floated out of the dock on Wednesday in a state nearer completion than was that of the Royal Sovereign when she was named by the queen three years ago. In fact, nothing so rapid in the rate of battleship construc tion has been accomplished before in this or any other country. The Victorious, laid down in the same yard only a few months ago, is built with equal rapidity, and the armor-plating for her citadel will begin at once. Fast as the government dockyards are working, however, there is a probability that both Portsmouth and Chatham will be beaten by Birkenhead, where Messrs. Laird have put much work into the Mars already, that she may be floated with nearly all her engines and fittings com plete well within 12 months from the day .ben her keel was laid. Scarcely less rapid progress has been made with an other ship of the same class, being buljt by Messrs. Thompson on the Clyde, so at least five first-class battleships pro vided for in the government programme may be ready for commission next year. London Daily News. W. J. Bird, the new labor commissioner of Kansas, was a newsboy but a few years back. Now he treads in clover on the same sort of line as the first illustri ous ex-newsboy, Mr. W. H. Smith, first lord of the English admiralty, the Sir Jo seph Porter, of the "queen's navee." Latest U. S. Gov't Food Reports .9