October 18, 2017
Page 13
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O PINION
Learning to Love Who We Love
I’ve always assumed
I was straight —
but am I?
J ill r iCharDson
Two weeks ago, the
equivalent of a bomb
exploded in my life.
I’ve had personal
problems of various
sorts for 30 years, and
daily migraines for 22 of them. Three
years ago, I finally realized my symptoms
were those of trauma. I didn’t know what
happened to me, but clearly something
had.
I began therapy for trauma, and it’s
been gradually helping. Then, out of the
blue, two weeks ago I realized what the
original trauma was. When I was six, I
had just learned about female anatomy,
by
and I was saying my new favorite word
over and over.
A lot of kids go through a similar phase,
and the parent’s job is to teach the child
what’s appropriate — and what’s not.
Whatever was said to me instead was
so shaming I experienced it as a trauma.
Once I realized this, I began to put
the puzzle pieces together about my own
life. I basically shut down my entire sex-
uality when the trauma occurred. Now
it’s starting to come back. I’ve always
assumed I was straight — but am I?
Honestly, I don’t know. My hunch,
however, is that I am not. I think I am
probably bisexual. I just didn’t realize it
till now.
Once upon a time, we had no concept
of being “straight,” “gay,” or “bisexual.”
There weren’t sexual identities, just be-
haviors and preferences. Back in those
days, conservative Americans distin-
guished only between two kinds of sex:
sex between married heterosexuals for the
purpose of procreation, and sinning.
But in the late 1800s, that changed. We
began to see “homosexuality” as an iden-
tity. It’s not just something you do, it’s
who you are.
Which means that once I’m fully healed
from my trauma, once I’m able to access
my full range of emotions and desires, I
might have a different identity from the
one I’ve inhabited for decades.
I’m almost 37 years old. I don’t want a
new identity. I’m just me. If I happen to
like women, I will still be me.
To say this has thrown me for a loop is
an understatement. I’m shocked. I didn’t
expect this was a possible outcome of
healing my trauma.
Our culture expects anyone who isn’t
straight or otherwise gender-conforming
to “come out.” But the idea of coming out
presupposes a culture where that might
get a hostile reception.
I’m fortunate that for me, it’s not a big
deal. I have exactly two friends I might
lose if it turns out I like women. For ev-
eryone else in my life, whom I date or
marry makes no difference to them. (Un-
less, of course, they want to date me.)
The notion of “homosexuality” was
first created by psychology to diagnose
the “mental illness” of being gay. Thank-
fully, we’ve moved away from that harm-
ful and wrong idea.
Why can’t people just be people and
love who they love?
Can we move into a post-homophobia
world in which dating someone of the
same sex as yourself is no longer strange
or taboo, and because nobody needs to
fear rejection by friends and family for
being themselves?
OtherWords columnist Jill Richardson
is the author of Recipe for America: Why
Our Food System Is Broken and What We
Can Do to Fix It.
Citing Religion to Exclude Health Care
Ultimately this
could affect
everybody
m artha b urk
When Obamacare
— aka, the Afford-
able Care Act — be-
came law in 2010, it
mandated coverage of
birth control without
by
ministration went to great
lengths to exempt churches and
church-related institutions from
the rule, while still guaranteeing
their female employees
the right to birth control
if they wanted it.
Then the Supreme
Court stepped in, sid-
ing with Hobby Lobby
and ruling that “closely
held” corporations with
religious
objections
coverage.
Wait a minute.
Corporations not only have
religious freedom but now mor-
al principles, too? I didn’t even
know they went to church, and I’m
pretty sure I’ve never seen one get
down on its knees and pray.
On the other hand, I know
women — who are actual people
— have religious freedom under
the Constitution, too. What about
their right not to be forced to bow
Massachusetts, California, and the ACLU
have filed lawsuits to stop the rollback. Good
luck. Besides Hobby Lobby, the conservative
majority in the Supreme Court ruled years ago in
the Citizens United case that corporations have
constitutional rights, and they’ve consistently
ruled in favor of their corporate buddies over
women in employment discrimination cases.
co-payments.
Some employers didn’t like
the rule, and Hobby Lobby hat-
ed it so much that the company
filed a lawsuit to stop it. Compa-
ny owners said they didn’t believe
in contraception and claimed that
covering it for female employees
violated their religious freedom.
Understand, the Obama ad-
could join religious employers in
excluding birth control from their
insurance plans.
Now the Trump administra-
tion has gone a giant step further.
They’re now allowing any and
all businesses, including publicly
traded ones, to also cite “religious
or moral objections” in denying
their employees contraception
to their employers’ religious be-
liefs or highly suspect “moral”
principles?
Massachusetts, California, and
the ACLU have filed lawsuits to
stop the rollback. Good luck. Be-
sides Hobby Lobby, the conser-
vative majority in the Supreme
Court ruled years ago in the Cit-
izens United case that corpora-
tions have constitutional rights,
and they’ve consistently ruled in
favor of their corporate buddies
over women in employment dis-
crimination cases.
On top of that, six of the nine
justices are male, and most of
them of rather conservative reli-
gious persuasions. The odds look
to be stacked against women.
Expanding so-called corporate
citizen rights deeper into health
care could ultimately affect every-
body, not just women.
Christian Scientists are op-
posed to all kinds of medical
treatment, including for diabetes,
cancer, and meningitis. Jehovah’s
Witnesses don’t believe in blood
transfusions. There are undoubt-
edly other religious taboos on
medical procedures.
Enterprising businesses that
want to save money could cite “re-
ligious freedom” to exclude virtu-
ally any medical treatment from
their insurance plans. Surgery,
antibiotics, immunizations — you
name it.
Where will it end? We don’t
know. Even if the lawsuits are
ultimately successful, a decision
could take years.
All I know is that I don’t want
my neighborhood corporate citi-
zen making my health care deci-
sions.
Martha Burk is the director
of the Corporate Accountability
Project for the National Council
of Women’s Organizations and
the author of the book Your Voice,
Your Vote. Distributed by Other-
Words.org.
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