August 3, 2016
Page 5
Byong-man Jo and his wife, Gye-Yeul Kang set a wonderful example of love practiced and perfected in the film documentary “My Love, Don’t Cross That River.”
(Photo courtesy Film Movement)
Tender Love Story Resonates
Practice and perfection in the art of two people loving each other
d arleen o rtega
What passes for love on most mov-
ie screens has always struck me as
shallow: Movie love generally just
“happens” to people (and may even
“require” them to leave an existing
relationship) and it usually involves
an electric sexual connection between
two unusually attractive people. That’s
about as far as it goes.
“My Love, Don’t Cross That Riv-
er,” which set box office records in
South Korea where it originated, is the
antidote to all such movie romances,
though unlikely to attract much notice
here in the U.S. The documentary of-
fers a tender examination of the last 15
months of a 76-year marriage. From
watching the preview, I feared an em-
phasis on the cuteness of the elderly
pair --and indeed, this small and stur-
dy couple (she nearing 90, he nearing
100) are adorable. But there is some-
thing much deeper happening here, and
this depiction is best approached with
reverence.
The film’s opening scene is shot
from a distance; we hear the woman
sitting alone outdoors, sobbing soft-
by
o Pinionated
J udge
ly. Having lost my own dearly loved
life partner not long ago, the source
of her sorrow immediately resonated.
The camera lingers on her briefly, and
then we flash back to happier times.
The pair has returned after a brief time
away to their small and tidy home by a
river, a fair but walkable distance from
the small town nearby, and she is fret-
ting about the dirt and leaves that have
accumulated in their absence. So much
work to clean this, she complains. He
offers to do it all, and she seems glad
for the offer, though she keeps sweep-
ing --until he starts tossing leaves at
her. Why are you doing that? She com-
plains, in annoyance -- but soon they
are both tossing leaves at one another,
he grinning and she still annoyed. Be-
fore long, he wanders off and gathers
some flowers and easily wins her over
by offering them to her, tucking them
by J udge
d arleen o rtega
into her hair. She tucks some into his
hair too, admires how handsome he is,
and all is forgiven.
These sorts of playful scenes are not
uncommon between them, and con-
vey the affection and easy humor they
share. The film observes them -- gen-
erally dressed in coordinated outfits
that she has assembled -- gathering
firewood, cooking and eating together,
walking to the town to participate in a
senior outing, enjoying the occasional
visit from a smattering of their children
and grandchildren, who cook and quar-
rel. It is obvious the pair takes great
pleasure in each other’s company. She
nags and complains a bit, but he easily
diffuses her. He revels in her cooking,
accompanies her to the outhouse at
night or to a doctor’s visit, even when
he isn’t well himself, and sings to her
when she is bored or afraid, and she al-
ways greets his voice with admiration.
I found myself wishing for photos
of the two in their youth, particularly
as they began to trickle little details of
their lives together. She describes how
they married when she was 14, but he
refrained from touching her for sever-
al years because he didn’t want to hurt
her; they “really became husband and
wife” only after she clearly signaled,
with an embrace, that she was ready.
I’m so grateful that he waited for me,
she says. Later she mentions that she
bore 12 children but only six of them
lived to adulthood. That always made
me so sad, she says in her understated
way.
But the filmmaker resists our im-
pulse toward youth; he clearly wants
us to experience the couple in this pe-
riod, weathered by the effects of age
and struggle. We wince to hear his
labored breathing and a worsening
cough; watch them scramble precari-
ously up to a likely familiar perch for
viewing the river near their home; lis-
ten to her wistfully remind him of how
C ontinued on P age 14