^Jortlanh (Observer
September 24, 2014
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A Real Discussion about Domestic Abuse
An outrage that
misses the mark
by
D evin R obinson
I firmly believe that
women and men are
equal. Get that? Equal.
But if we expect real
equality, then we need
to be equal all across
the board. We spend a signifi
cant amount of time focusing on
what men should do while ignor
ing what women should as well.
There are various forms of
abuse: mental, verbal, and yes,
physical. All abuse is wrong on
both sides. Since physical abuse
is more evident, we give it more
attention. Because it is more
detrimental when a man strikes
a woman, the woman instantly
becomes the victim. However,
that shouldn't m ean physical
abuse from a woman towards a
man should be minimized. Un
fortunately we have become a
society of "measurers".
R esearch has show n th at
women lead violence over men
in many categories including,
spitting, slapping, kicking, grab
bing, pushing, shoving, throw
ing th in g s , d a m a g in g
property and threatening
h a rm . M en le a d th e
c h a rg e
in m u rd e rs
though. We com m it 90
percent o f all m urders,
but 80 percent o f those
m urders are inflicted on other
men.
Where is the outrage? I get it
though. W omen inflicting vio
lence are like car accidents while
m en v io len ce is like plane
crashes. C ar crashes happen
more often with less chance of
injury, while plane crashes leads
to automatic investigations and
fatalities. But does the physical
outcome make it right?
T here was literally zero out
rage when B eyonce's younger
sister Solange physically at
tacked Jay-Z in that now infa
m ous elevator video several
m o n th s ago. B eyoncd even
w ent on the jo k e about the
ordeal in her new song "Flaw
less." W hy was it a joke? B e
cause Jay-Z didn't hit her back.
So it becam e okay. The only
rhetoric and outrage that ex
isted was the public's despera
tion to know what happened;
for gossip’s sake.
W hether the abuse leaves a
physical mark or not, they all
leave emotional wounds. A real
man doesn’t hit a woman, is the
new rhetoric, while a woman
hitting a man is comedy. When
can we begin the new rhetoric of
"real humans don’t hit humans?"
I believe no one should hit any
one. I oppose abuse and vio
lence in all context, one reason
why I oppose the death penalty.
We simply don’t have the right
to strike one another.
There is an element we woe
fully ignore. When we are hard
at work telling men to walk
away, let's also focus on what he
is being told to walk away from;
which, obviously, is abuse. We
are ignoring the taunting, an
tagonizing, provoking, and ver
bal abuse that leads up to many
physical abuse cases. We are
constantly telling men to "take
it," walk away but eventually all
that bottling up is gonna come
out somewhere, at someone or
something. It's human nature.
It’s the abuse from abuse syn
drome.
America keeps missing the
mark when it comes to this topic.
If women are going to fight for
equality, then they must also be
the change they would like to
see. My fear is for my three sons
with ages ranging from 19-14.
They could possibly face this
issue in the future and I would
hope that society and justice
fairly deals with it.
H ere’s the thing. Just like
blacks spend so much time prov
ing we are not racist that we
make it easier for the racist to be
racist, women spend a lot of time
unconsciously proving they are
not equal (with the wrong rheto
ric) that it makes it easier for the
chauvinists to be chauvinists.
But I get it. In this country of
"who has less are automatic vic
tims" it also holds true in the
world of domestic violence; who
loses the battle is the victim,
forgetting that we are in the
middle of a bigger war of man
kind.
When we overlook taking re
sponsibility and verbal restraint
all we are really subliminally say
ing is women aren't equal. We
are saying women have less
control over them selves than
men, making men the superior
being, which I don't believe. It's
just a cop out.
Emasculating of men and de
humanizing of women both have
lasting consequences. But when
we fail to have a real discussion
and insist on real responsibility
from both ends, and fail to focus
on real equality, all we simply
are is a bunch of perpetual hypo
crites.
Devin Robinson is a college
professor and the author of
"Rebuilding the Black Ameri
can Infrastructure: Making
America a Colorless Nation".
Children Incarcerated: A Father’s Perspective
Inhumane
system doesn’t
benefit society
by
individual and family - or - free
in the larger society struggling to
survive while at war with him
self as manifest in street gun
violence in addition to being the
preferred target o f malicious
p o lic e an d v ig ila n te
forces?
Now, if while in prison,
a young man could attain
a college degree and/or
complete certification as
a technician in a field for
which society states a
N abeeh M ustafa
A parent, a father,
should not have to face
this kind of consider
ation: W ould his son
be better off in prison,
with all o f the psycho
logical damage to that
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E xecutive D irector :
need, the rate at which our young
men are incarcerated might be
less problematic. But that’s sim
ply not the case in the present
“corrections” system.
You have all these young men
in the system with Measure 11
sentences (7 Vi year minimum)
who will be released at some
point. They face the very real
prospect of being released back
into the larger society with a
huge deficit and no ability to
compete in a job market that is
Association-Founded in 1885, and The National Ad
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already difficult for those with
college degrees.
It appears to be a “set-up”
where the only beneficiaries are
those employed by the prison
industrial complex, the judiciary
system and their respective own
ers and investors. Society does
not benefit and is in fact injured
and devalued by this inhumane
system.
While some of us ponder this
situation, trying to ascertain what
an individual or organized group
can do to address this issue
(which affects the whole of so
ciety), daily, more young men
(and increasingly, young women)
are being devoured by this sys
tem and more being vomited back
out.
Nabeeh Mustafa is a writer
and community activist who
has written three plays:
"Vanport,"
"On Life's
Terms, " and "Guilty. " He
helped found Occupy North
East to address housing and
police accountability issues;
is executive Secretary of X-
Convicts Embracing Life, and
is a spoken word artist with
a just released CD, "Urban
Proze. " H e is a retired fa
ther o f three children. His
daughter, Zarinah, is attend
ing Spelman College in At
lanta. His youngest son,
Warith, is serving a manda
tory minimum sentence o f 7
1/2 years at McLaren Cor
rectional Facility.
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