September 1,2010___________________________ iEhe | } 0 r |
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paSe 19
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Yes, Families come in all Types
When women
use donors for
motherhood
by
T amar A brams
Y ou know things
a re n 't g o in g w e ll
w hen your life story
turns into rom antic
com edies. I guess it
beats tragedies, but
still...
Two o f this sum m er's hottest
films, "The Kids Are Alright" and
"The Sw itch," involve wom en
who use donor insem ination to
becom e pregnant. In one case,
it's to help lesbians, played by
A n n ette B en in g and Ju lian n e
M oore, have children. In the other,
it's a single w om an. Jen n ifer
A niston, who in real life is over
40, unm arried, childless, and sub­
jected to endless tabloid fixation
on both counts, stars in that one.
E ighteen years ago, I used an
an o n y m o u s d o n o r to becom e
pregnant with m y daughter.
Back in the early 1990s, this
topic was hardly fodder for hit
film s. Sure, there w as a b rief
e x c h a n g e b e tw e e n th en -V ic e
President Dan Quayle and a fic­
tio n a l T V c h a r a c te r n a m e d
M urphy Brown who gave birth
(no m ention o f a father) as a
single mom. He took the fictional
character to task, but this
was a m an who famously
spelled potato with an "e"
on the end so it blew over
pretty quickly.
M o n th s later, I gave
b irth to a p erfect baby
girl w ho w as destined to
grow up w ith o u t a father. It
w asn't Plan A, believe me. But a
long-tim e relationship had ended
and I th o u g h t that at 34 m y
c h a n c e s o f g e ttin g p re g n a n t
w ere qu ick ly grow ing dim m er.
"B aby first, husband later," I
recall thin k in g at the tim e.
It w asn't out o f lack o f respect
for the role o f fathers. In fact, my
81 -year-old dad is still a vital part
o f m y daughter's life and mine
too. It w asn't even that I particu­
larly w anted to do it on my own.
It was m ore about circumstances
and timing. And I m ade sure that
m y child w as surrounded by lov­
ing, caring friends and fam ily in­
cluding quite a few men. M y child
is now starting her senior year o f She has liked that. But she has
high school.
also said that she w ouldn't be
How did it all work out? W ell, who she is today if she had a
she certainly isn't a m an-hating, father. And she likes who she is
truant, pregnant juvenile delin­ today. So do I.
quent. In fact, she has a 4.3 GPA,
Bill O'Reilly w as clearly cruis­
is a m em ber o f the National Honor ing for a fight w hen he recently
Society, has had a great boy­ slam m ed Jennifer A niston for
friend for the past year, and is appearing in a movie that he c laims
popular and sunny. In fact, her tells " 12-year-olds and 13-year-
fath erly in stin cts), b u t for those
w h o 'v e not yet found th eir Bill
O 'R eilly , I'm ju s t g lad science
has p ro v id ed a few o th er o p ­
tions."
T h a n k y o u , J e n n ife r. T h e
tru th is th a t fa m ilie s c o m e in
all ty p e s o f fo rm a tio n s th e se
d a y s - - s i n g l e m o m s , s in g le
d a d s, s te p -p a re n ts , tw o m o m s,
tw o d a d s, g ra n d p a re n ts r a is ­
ing th e ir g ra n d c h ild re n ...T h e
c o n fig u r a tio n th a t p re v a ile d
w h e n O 'R e illy w as g ro w in g
up is still a ro u n d , e v e n th o u g h
m a r r i e d m o th e r s a r e m o re
lik e ly to w o rk o u ts id e th e
h o m e. B u t th e id ea l s e ttin g fo r
r a is in g y o u n g p e o p le h a s n 't
c h a n g e d : E v e ry c h ild sh o u ld
g ro w up lo v e d an d n u rtu re d .
olds that, 'Hey you don't need a
I'm O K w ith m oviegoers laugh­
guy. You don't need a dad.'"
ing about sperm donors. All I
L uckily, she's sm art enough know is that a decision that I
to d eliv er a m essage th at m ight m ade 18 years ago has produced
ju s t shut him up. " O f course, an am azing, resilient, and gor­
the ideal scenario for p aren tin g geous child on the brink o f w om ­
is o b v io u sly tw o parents o f a anhood w ho is surely going to
m a tu r e a g e ," A n is to n to ld m ake the w orld a better place.
People. "P arenting is one o f the You're welcom e.
hardest jo b s on earth. A nd, o f
Tamar Abrams is the commu­
course, m any w om en dream o f nications director o f the Institute
finding P rince C harm ing (w ith fo r Policy Studies.
* The truth is that families come in all
types o f formations these days—single
moms, single dads, step-parents, two
moms, two dads, grandparents raising
their grandchildren
2__________
fatherlessness m ay be the least
rem arkable thing about her.
But, the truth is there were
m any tim es over the years when
she wished for a father. Once,
when she was in grade school, I
asked what she would do if she
had one. "Call him Daddy," she
responded. I have had a long­
term relatio n sh ip and, though
we've never m arried, he has stood
in for a dad on several occasions.
I
Clueless Commentator with a Microphone
A brazen insult
by Dr. Laura
by M arc
H. M orial
Here we go again.
O ne m ore tim e, a
clueless commentator
with a microphone and
an audience o f millions,
has brazenly insulted
Black America and re­
acted as if we were the perpetrators.
The latest incident involves Dr.
Laura Schlessinger, the host o f the
Dr. Laura radio show. On Aug. 10,
Dr. Laura made racially insensitive
statements and repeatedly used the
"n-word" in responding to Jade, a
black woman caller, who complained
that her white husband's friends
and relatives use racial slurs and
make racially demeaning comments
in front o f her.
Instead o f offering helpful ad­
vice, Dr. Laura scoffed, "some people
are hypersensitive." She noted that
"black guys" use the n-word "all the
time," and repeated the word 11
times during the call for emphasis.
But her most revealing comment
was, "I don't get it. If anybody
without enough melanin says it, it's
a horrible thing, but when black
people say it, it's affectionate.
It's very confusing."
As she a d m itte d , Dr.
Schlessinger most emphatically
doesn't get it and she is very
confused about what consti­
tutes racism. It is beyond com­
prehension that she would con­
sider Jade "hypersensitive" for be­
ing offended by the n-word.
Dr. Schlessinger's comments,
which can be heard in their entirety
at
m e d ia m a tte rs.o rg /b lo g /
201008120045, created a national
uproar.
Millions o f people o f all races
were offended by her insensitive
and highly offensive on-air rant.
Her resignation on Aug. 18 came
just five days after the National
Urban League urged the Talk Radio
Network to drop the Dr. Laura Show
from syndication; and it demon­
strates the impact people o f good
conscience can have when they
speak out against intolerance.
Several days after the incident, vented her or her supporters from cial reconciliation and a celebration
Dr. Schlessinger did issue a written speaking their minds. But nobody o f diversity, we find it necessary to
apology which said in part, "I was is also preventing the public from make it clear once again that this
attempting to make a philosophical reacting. It should be noted that kind o f divisiveness and casual use
point, and I articulated the "n" word following her remarks, several ofher o f racial slurs have no place among
all the way out - more than one time. a ffilia te s and m ajo r sp o n so rs the public discourse.
And that was wrong. I'll say it again dropped her show. That was their
Marc H. Morial is president and
- that was wrong."
Constitutional right.
chief executive officer o f the Na­
That is an understatement. We
As the nation works toward ra­ tional Urban League.
cannot help but wonder, as did Nita
Hanson (Jade's real name), how Dr.
EMMANUEL
Schlessinger, who grew up during
C hurch of God in
the height o f the civil rights move­
ment, and who once was a practic­
C hrist United
ing marriage and family counselor,
4800 NE 30th Ave. Port­
could not understand how hurtful
land OR 97211
the n-word is to most Americans.
It is also disturbing that former
503-335-8772
vice presidential candidate, Sara
Palin would publicly say to Dr.
You are cordially invited
S c h le ssin g e r,
"D o n 't
to worship with us in
retreat.. .reload." That kind o f pan­
these services:
dering to the basest element o f the
American electorate is highly offen­
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sive, inflammatory and counterpro­
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Dr. Schlessinger claims she re­
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signed to "regain her Constitutional
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right to free speech." That is ludi­
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crous on its face. Nobody has pre­
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