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A ck
Ilf* Portland (Observer
n v i t /< r f U • I
Dear Deanna!
quest for him to stop this behav­
ior falls on deaf ears. We spend
W e married as partners and now most days arguing or not speak­
w e’re on the way to becoming ing and I’m at the end o f my
enemies. My husband appears rope. Help!
--P a m T iggs;
jealous o f my success and he D urham , N.C.
finds joy in my failures and tries
to compete financially. I thought Dear Pam:
I was paranoid but he focuses on Your husband’s no longer the big
getting ahead o f me and tries to fish in your small pond. He’s al­
outdo me in everything. My re- ways been competitive but you
My marriage is on a rocky road.
Real People,
Real Advice
An advice •
column known
Jor reality
based subjects!
January 27, 2010
were not in a position o f upward
mobility,so you didn’tnotice. His
manhood has been insulted and he
feels he’s no longer the hero. You
have to stroke his ego. Give verbal
com plim ents, make him feel
needed and constantly drill in his
head the idea that you’re a team.
After a while, he’ll feel like the
king again and you can smile and
keep it moving.
23rd Annual Neighborhood
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Dear Deanna!
I dated a guy for three years.
We spent time together, trav­
eled and he occasionally stayed
at my place. As far as I can
rem em ber, we spent several
major holidays together, ¡d id n ’t
meet his family and never stayed
with him. One day he suddenly
left town without telling me. I
tracked him down by hiring a
private investigator and learned
he had a wife and kids. I want to
know if I should appear on his
doorstep and surprise him or
leave it alone? —A n o n ym o u s;
O n -L in e R e a d e r
Dear Anonymous:
When a normal relationship ends,
you’re entitled to closure. How­
ever, in this case, you have a full
stop with something called a wife.
You were used and taken ad­
vantage of. Y ou’re no dummy
and if you didn’t have his home
number, never met his family or
been to his house, you should’ve
known something was up. But
hey, you w ere in love, sexually
sprung and he alw ays played
with you w hen his w ife w asn ’t
available. C ount this as a loss,
and move on because anything
otherw ise can get you seri­
ously hurt.
Dear Deanna!
My mother has always been true
to her marriage. Now that the
pastor o f our church is single due
to divorce, h e’s paying extra at­
tention to my mother and she
loves it. I think they’re having an
affair because she’s parking her
car in strange places when he
picks her up and there’s too
many sneaky looks when they’re
around each other. People in the
church are starting to talk and
I ’ m embarrassed and don ’ t know
how to address this. What should
I do? —E m b a rra sse d D a u g h ­
ter; W hittier, Calif.
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Dear Embarrassed Daughter:
Although a man o f the cloth, your
pastor is still human and may sow
his wild oats now that he’s newly
single. However, you should let
your mom know that her actions
look suspicious and if she’s having
an affair she needs to stop it or fix
orend her marriage. Ifthat doesn’t
help, have the same talk with the
pastor. As a last resort,
♦ tell both
parties you have no choice but to
tell your father and that ’ 11 get things
jumping or bring everything to a
complete halt.
A sk Deanna is written by Deanna M.
Write Ask Deanna! at the email
askdeannal@yahoo.com or 264 S.
LaCienega Blvd. Suite ¡283 Beverly
H ills, CA 90211. W ebsite:
vunv. askdeanna. com