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Pamela Penrose
By Pamela Penrose
Violence in the home is an all-
too-common problem in this
country.
We attract people and energies
into our lives when we have oppo­
site, matching pat­
terns, like a key fit­
ting into a lock. We
m ight attract an
abuser into our lives
if we, at some level,
feel guilty, think we
deserve to be pun­
ished, or don’t love ourselves.
There are other possibilities and
so we have to go through a deep
self-examination to understand
the likely roots of our pattern of
attracting abuse.
You must look inside yourself
for the answer. Gandhi called
Satyagraha, m eaning Truth,
Power, Soul Force, or the Power
of Love. This truth and power can
only be found within. When asked
where the kingdom of God was to
be found, Jesus said it is “within
you.”
By undertaking this self-ex­
amination, you take responsibil­
ity for your actions and attitudes.
While you stay in blame, putting
all the responsibility for the situ­
ation onto the abuser, you stay
tethered to the abuse energy. Even
if you break free of that individual
*t
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•
, i »»i r
Martin Luther King Jr. Special Edition
From A b u s e To ^ y v e
you are likely to attract another
abuser into your life.
The solution at all levels is k i £
Martin Luther King said, “Every­
body wishes to love and be loved.
He who feels that he is not loved
feels that he does not count. Much
has happened in the modem world
to make men (and women) feel
that they do not belong.”
To really accept love from oth­
ers, you must first learn to love
yourself unconditionally. Learn
to love the wonderful person that
you are; the way Our Lord loves
you. Then you will attract people
into your life who love you just as
you are - without any conditions
whatsoever. “You have been cre­
ated in the image and likeness of
God. God loves you just the way
you are. Your love of self should
be no less than God’s love for
you,” and St. John says, “God
dwells in us and his love is brought
to perfection in us.”
V « «- ▼ V «
deep level. You can then look for
ways to express that intention
even more fully.
Continually think about solu­
tions, rather than dwelling on
problems.
Communication is another key:
share your feelings with open­
ness and peace. This way your
children will learn to share theirs.
It is easier to be macho and hide
out than to open up and share your
innermost thoughts and feelings.
For many people in our soci­
ety, especially men, even recog­
nizing their innermost thoughts
and verbalizing them to them­
selves can be difficult. However,
the release that occurs by this
simple process is often profound.
It is fear that keeps these walls
around you. The fear dissolves as
you let others help, and share your
load. Amazingly, the load will of­
ten seem to disappear as you do
this.
You can best teach
by “ w alking the
walk”, by doing and
being the example: in
your speech, in your
body language, and in
listening and honor­
ing life. Know how
blessed we are that Our Lord gives
us all the tools we need to do this.
We have to trust and not be afraid
to open our hearts so we can re­
ceive and give love uncondition­
ally. As Jesus said, “lay up for
yourselves
treasures
in
heaven...for where your treasure
is there will your heart be also.”
When you change your pat­
terns and habitual responses in
these ways, know that you are
changing not just your own life,
but the lives of generations to
come. Patterns of abuse often
extend backwards many genera­
tions, and may continue forward
in a similar fashion if you do not
choose to change them now. By
changing your patterns of re­
sponse and loving yourself, you
are giving a wonderful gift to
your children.
s L a -Ì~ & -*
»*«
Jan. 13, 1999
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“God dwells in us and his
love is brought to perfection
in us. 99
How do you go about loving
yourself unconditionally? There
are many ways. The first and most
important step is that you set
your intent to do this. Ask for
help. Our Lord loves you and
will be delighted that you asked!
There are abundant forms of
healing and spirituality available
on the planet today. One simple
method you can use immediately
is to monitor your language: es­
pecially the things you say to
yourself.
Separate your intentions from
your actions. At the deepest level
we all intend good things. We
sometimes have limited ways of
achieving or expressing our in­
tentions. If you acknowledge your
positive intention, and make that
your focus, you appreciate and
acknowledge yourself at a very
Dir, Mäntiini L u t h e r K in g J r,
Honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Everybody can be great., because anybody can
serve. You don't have to have a college degree to
serve. You don't have to make your subject and
verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full
o f grace, a soul generated by love.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.
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