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<Elje Portiani» <0bsrrt«er
Bod ,JÜnct& S pirit
1
Cooking W it h Love
B y D ara T hompson
O ne o f m y first m em ories is o f
sitting on the kitchen counter in my
p a r e n ts ’ h o u s e w a tc h in g m y
m other peel apples for apple pie.
As each long strip w ould fall away,
I would pick it up and eat it. She said
that 1 w as her best helper, and 1 felt
im portant. T hat experience o f be­
ing in the k itchen w ith my m other,
and the security that it conveys,
has stayed w ith m e all these years.
1 d o n ’t ev en rem em ber eating the
pie. Y ears later, w hen I w orked as a
cook in a rehabilitation facility for
brain injured adults, I realized how
m any o f us seek com fort in the
w arm th, sounds and sm ells o f the
w ere struggling to relearn how to
w alk and talk and live in the w orld.
Y et they co u ld find a sense o f peace
and belonging in helping m e w ash
potatoes o r set the table. T he sim ­
plicity and fam iliarity o f those acts
brought them back to a tim e that was
sim ple, w hen th e y ’re lives hadn t
been to m apart by fate.
There is art and m agic and creativ­
ity in cooking. From the m om ent that
w e pick o ut o u r ing red ien ts at the
store, w e m ark our individuality onto
the dishes that w e prepare. W hen I
prepare a m eal 1 use all o t m y senses.
I w ant the colors and shapes o f the
in g re d ie n ts to c o m p lim e n t each
other. T here m ust be a variety o f
n r n r in k ,/
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E v e r y y e a r I d r e a d g o in g
h o m e f o r th e h o l i d a y s to b e
w ith m y f a m i ly . I u s u a l l y f e e l
an g ry an d d e p re sse d a fte r­
w a r d s . I ’m a n a d u l t n o w , w h y
c a n ’t I g e t o v e r it e a s i l y ?
J .K . o f N o r t h e a s t P o r t l a n d
D e a r J .K .,
P e r h a p s u n r e s o l v e d is s u e s
fro m th e p a s t w ith f a m ily m e m ­
b e rs a re c a u s in g th is e m o ­
a n il
c m im th
v i s i t ? Is t h e r e a n u n r e s o l v e d
p s y c h o l o g i c a l s i t u a t i o n in r e ­
g a r d s to th e r e l a t i v e s y o u a r e
v is itin g th a t y o u a re n o t te n d ­
in g to ? H o w a r e o l d w a y s o f
b e h a v in g , th in k in g , a n d f e e l­
in g s r e a c t i v a t e d ? A f a m i l y
v is it c a n s e t u n c o n s c io u s
p s y c h o l o g i c a l d y n a m i c s in
m o tio n w h ic h s ta n d in th e w a y
o f h e a l i n g o r d e v e l o p i n g in
tio n a l d is tr e s s . T h e h o lid a y s
a r e t i m e s o f e x t r e m e s t r e s s fo r
m an y fa m ilie s c a u s e d by p r e s ­
s u r e s o f th e s e a s o n , f a m i l i e s
d o i n g to o m u c h f o r to o m a n y
w i t h o u t th e f i n a n c e s o r e n ­
e rg y . S ib lin g r iv a lry ca n p e a k
a n d p a re n ta l fa v o ritis m ca n be
r e a l o r f e a r e d . A lc o h o l u s e o r
a b u s e in f a m i l i e s o f t e n o c c u r s
a t th e h o l i d a y s w h ic h o f t e n
le a d s to h e i g h t e n e d c o n f l i c t
o r e v e n to d o m e s t i c v i o l e n c e .
C h i l d r e n te n d to a b s o r b th e
d r a m a , th e in te n s e s t i m u la tio n
a n d s t r e s s o f th e h o u s e h o l d .
T h e y o f t e n b la m e t h e m s e l v e s ,
e x p e r i e n c e a la c k o f c o n t r o l ,
s a fe ty o r c h o ic e s an d b e c o m e
tr a u m a tiz e d . T h e se n e g a tiv e
e x p e r ie n c e s o f h o lid a y s p a s t
g e t e m o tio n a lly f r o z e n a n d a re
fe lt as a n g e r o r d e p r e s s io n
w h e n s im ila r e x p e rie n c e s o c ­
c u r in l a t e r y e a r s . T h e s e f e e l ­
in g s a r e u s u a l l y n o t e x p l o r e d
to e n a b l e th e a d u l t to m a k e
s e n s e o f w h a t h a p p e n e d . It is
d i f f i c u l t to l e t g o o f th e p a s t
w h e n i t is n o t u n d e r s t o o d , to
f o rg iv e p a r e n ts fo r th e ir ig n o ­
r a n c e s o r m i s t a k e s o r to a c ­
c e p t th e m s e lv e s fo r n o t b e in g
a b l e to m a k e it d i f f e r e n t . W ith
th e s e i n s i g h t s , th e a d u l t h o p e ­
f u l l y c a n m o v e to s e l f - a c c e p ­
ta n c e , c o n fid e n c e an d c o n tro l
o f th e ir o w n e m o tio n a l s a fe ty
new w a y s. T h e re p e a te d a n g e r
an d d e p re s s io n b ec o m e a llie s
p o i n t i n g to a r e s o l u t i o n w h ic h
w i l l s a t i s f y th e g u i d i n g f o r c e
w ith in .
D r. D o m in iq u e M a r g u e r i t e
J u n g ia n P s y c h o l o g i s t
D E A R J .K . .
A s an a d u lt, y o u c a n “ g e t
o v e r ” th e s e f e e lin g s b u t y o u
m u s t b e w i l l i n g to m a k e s o m e
b e h a v io r c h a n g e s . F irs t, id e n ­
t i f y w h e r e th e d r e a d is c o m in g
fro m . A re a d d ic tiv e s u b ­
s ta n c e s in v o lv e d ? I f d r in k in g
g e ts o u t o f h a n d , e x c u s e y o u r ­
s e l f a n d g o f o r a w a lk . F in d a
12 s te p m e e ti n g a n d g o . Y o u
c a n ’ t c h a n g e th e b e h a v i o r o f
o t h e r s b u t y o u c a n c h a n g e th e
w ay y o u a c t an d re a c t. If
s a f e t y is a n i s s u e , s t a y h o m e .
S en d a fru it b a s k e t. R e m e m ­
b e r , g o in g h o m e o f t e n m e a n s
s p e n d in g tim e w ith f a m ily
m e m b e rs w ho s till tre a t y ou
lik e a c h i l d . Y o u h a v e c h o i c e s
n o w . D e te r m in e w h a t s u b j e c t s
y o u ’r e w i l l i n g to d i s c u s s a n d
s t e e r c l e a r o f th e r e s t . S e t
b o u n d a rie s . D o n ’t e x p e c t a
c o l d , a l o o f p a r e n t to l a v i s h
y o u w ith a f f e c tio n . N u rtu re
y o u r s e l f i n s t e a d . D o n ’t e n ­
g a g e in a r g u in g . S p e n d tim e
w ith f a m i ly m e m b e r s y o u e n ­
chew y and soft. T he sounds o f w a­
ter droplets on a grill, vegetables
sizzling in a pan, the lid dancing on
a boiling pot tell me everything 1
need to know about tem perature and
timing. The scents that fill my kitchen
start my m outh w atering. They bring
m e m em ories o f the past and entice
m e w ith the prom ise o f new ex p eri­
ences. A s I cook 1 alw ays taste. I
taste my carrots as 1 slice them , m ea­
suring th eir sw eetness. I taste my
soup before b ringing it to the table.
I b len d flavors o f each dish w ith the
others in a meal. W ell-prepared food
satisfies on m an y levels.
C ooking for your selfan d others is
an expression o f love that nourishes
t h e h o d v a n d soul. To often, w e tor-
j o y ; l i m i t y o u r tim e w i t h th e
r e s t . T h e b o t t o m lin e is “ t a k ­
in g c a r e o f y o u r s e l f . ” E n jo y a
c a n d le lig h t b u b b le b a th , re a d
an u p lif tin g b o o k a n d m a in ­
ta in a p o s itiv e a ttitu d e . M a k ­
in g th e s e c h a n g e s w i l l a d d
m e a n in g a n d p l e a s u r e to th e
e x p e rie n c e o f re tu rn in g h o m e.
W y n n e B o y la n
I n tu itiv e C o u n s e lo r & A d ­
d ic tio n s C o u n s e lo r
D E A R J .K . ,
W e h a v e l e a r n e d w e ll to r e ­
p r e s s o u r f e e lin g s w h ic h c a u s e
e m o tio n a l, p h y s ic a l an d s p ir i­
tu a l jo u r n e y . T h e v e ry a c t o f
r e p r e s s i n g p a i n f u l m e m o r ie s
fro m th e c o n s c io u s m in d
s e rv e s a te m p o ra ry h o ld in g
p o t u n til a c o n s c io u s ac t
b r i n g s th e m f o r th a g a i n . U n ­
c o n s c i o u s l y m a n y c h o o s e an
e a s y w a y o u t b y i g n o r in g w h a t
c a u s e s p a i n a n d b y l o o k in g
th e o th e r w a y . R e p re s s in g
p a in fu l o r u n p le a s a n t m e m o ­
r i e s c a n b l o c k th e f lo w o f e n ­
e r g y in t h e b o d y c a u s i n g
n u m b n e ss an d p s y c h o lo g ic a l
d is m e m b e rm e n t. W E h a v e
c o m e to a tim e in h i s t o r y w h e n
w e n e e d to r e a l l y l i s t e n to th e
s t i r r i n g s o f th e h e a r t . F a m il y
is a ll a b o u t r e l a t i o n s h i p a n d
c o n n e c tio n ,
th e
m irro r
th r o u g h c a r e f u l a n d h o n e s t i n ­
tr o s p e c tio n , a n y tim e I fe lt
p a in , s o rro w , f r u s tr a tio n , a n ­
g e r, h e lp le s s n e s s , o r h o p e ­
l e s s n e s s , th e r o o t c a u s e w a s
fe a r. F e a r o f s p e a k in g m y tr u th ,
fe a r o f n o t b e in g h e a rd , fe a r o f
b e in g ju d g e d w ro n g fu lly , fe a r
o f fe a r its e lf . T o be c o n s c io u s
o f th a t w h ic h b r i n g s p a i n a n d
d i s c o m f o r t is a n i m p o r t a n t
s te p to w a r d h e a l i n g th e r o o t
mm
get how to feed ourselves. W e be­
com e too busy to savor. Eating in
the com pany o f those you love deep­
ens your connection to them, if you
take the tim e to enjoy each o th er’s
com pany. Serve each other. Drink a
toast. T alk about your day. Look
into the eyes o f som eone dear to
you, and d o n 't rush away. Cherish
w hat has been given to you and
those w ho have given it.
D ara T hom pson is a 2nd year
student at the N ational C ollege o f
N aturopathic M edicine; Cooking
instructor at N atural H ealth C en ­
ters East, N atures Fresh N orthw est
and p riv ate, p erso n ally tailored
classes. For inform ation, please call
503/255-7355 ext.375.
B y S haron L ee , M S .
Whosehome/Inthiseraofaremark-
able proportion o f divorced and remar­
ried families in ourpopulation, how does
onedecide where to go forthe traditional
holiday dinners and gatherings. Who
decides? How de we do if ? And, what is
fair for all concerned?
Step- families are prominent, includ­
ing his, her and possibly their children.
A family map for the simplest first gen­
eration second marriage may portray a
group o f 6 sets o f grandparents for the
offspring, extended families, andacom-
binationofstep-siblings and half-broth­
c a u s e . Y o u m ig h t a s k w h a t e l ­
e m e n t a r y s t e p s c a n b e d o n e to
tu r n th e s it u a ti o n a r o u n d ?
S to p r u n n in g . B r e a th e , b e
y o u r s e lf . S p e a k th e tr u th .
T a k e y o u r h e a lin g s e rio u s ly .
S im p lify . M e d ita te . L au g h .
L o v e . P la y . L e s s o n s o f th e
h e a r t a r e th e b e s t t e a c h e r s a n d
f o rg iv e n e s s o f o u rs e lv e s an d
o t h e r s is th e k e y .
D o n n a S e lb y
E t h e r i c H e a le r a n d M o th e r
I f y o u h a v e a n y q u e s tio n s
f o r th e c o u n s e l o r s o r c o m ­
m e n ts a b o u t B o d y , M in d a n d
S p irit, p le a s e c o n ta c t Jo y
R a m o s a t 5 0 3 /2 8 8 - 0 0 3 3 .
ers and half-sisters.
If the grandparents are o f the tradi­
tional religious and familial background,
they might prefer the family to gather in
their home with all the children, grand­
children and offspring surrounding
them, providing the grandmother is not
widowed or divorced and remarried.
Theoldsong“Overtheriverand through
the woods to Grandmother's house we
g o ...” still rings in the fondest back­
ground memories for some. But, hark,
there may be a new husband even for
grandma who maynot feel likeopening
their (his?) home to a lively crowd o f
people o f all ages, perhaps drinkers,
smokers or possibly crying or rowdy
youngsters who have not had manners
taught to them as in the good old days.
In a more contemporary scenario,
perhaps the parents have been civil and
reasonable about negotiating time, al­
ternate years, or wonderfully creative
about spreadingChristmasover twelve
days or more to accommodate every­
one concerned. With the decks ion made
about where the celebrations will occur
and which day or part o f the day which
parent will have who are there too many
presents for the children, with parents and
grandparents competing for who can buy
the most toys and be the “best parent”.
There still may be too much stimulation,
toomuchpackediutoolittlerestandquiet
time for each other in families gathering
together for nurturing their connections
and creating pleasant memories for this
new generation o f children to cany into
adulthood to pass on to their children.
The holidays can be fraught with col­
lisions o f old and new generations o f
ideas, habits, rituals, marriage and remar­
riage cultural and subcultural differences,
religious differences - all which add to the
possibility o f conflict, chaos and general
disillusionment and unhappiness. The
greatest tragedy is for parents to “fighf ’
over their children and demonstrate be­
haviors that add to the distress or even
trauma their children may carry for years
to come.
Is holiday visitation written in "the
parenting plan," decided by ju d g e in
a divorce ruling? The parents must
still com m unicate extensively. W hat
if there is a joint custody agreem ent?
The parents m ust continue speaking
regularly, deciding w hat is best for
their children in all situations, espe­
cially this one at hand ? All the sets o f
parents m ust negotiate and com e to
agreem ent on guidelines for handling
the holidays? They can seek counsel­
ing andguidanceorm ediation. These
skills are leam able and effective.
They must learn to fiv e and take, com­
promise and work toward agreementmore
often, during the year so as to teach their
offspring theseskills fbrthemtobeableto
deal with the conflicts o f needs and wants
o f all concerned for all season.
t h e n a t io n 's
WHOLE
LIFE
:)
p r e m ie r e v e n t
fo r
n a t u r a l h e a lt h
p e r s o n a l g r o w th
s p ir it u a lit y
122.
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James Van Praagh
TALKING T O HEAVEN
Wayne Dyer
W IS D O M OF THE AGES
Kenny & Julia Loggins
THE UNIMGINALBLE LIFE
James Redfield
g lo b a l c h a n g e
THE CELESTINE VISION
Bernie Siegel
PRESCRIPTIONS FOR LIVING
John Bradshaw
e x h ib its
THE FUTURE OF THE FAMILY
Terence McKenna
alternative therapies
F O O D O FTH E GODS
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natural products
expo bookstore
performances
FAMILY O F LIGHT
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SAVED BY THE U G H T
Nick B u n kk
IN G O D ’S TRUTH
IS
bodywork pavilion
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lakotavisionary
intuitive readers
John Robbins
reclaiming our health
Sharon Lee, M.S.
F a m ily a n d M a r r ia g e
C ounselor
DEAR J.K..
W e k n o w t h a t th e o u t s i d e
e v e n ts th a t ty p ic a lly o c c u r
d u r in g f a m ily v is i ts (e g.
c h a n g e in l e v e l o f a c t i v i t y to
p r e p a r e f o r th e v i s i t ) a f f e c t
o u r m o o d . H o w ev er, u n c o n ­
s c io u s f o r c e s a r e a l s o a t w o r k .
U n c o n s c i o u s m e a n s w h a t is
p a r t o f y o u r in n e r w o rld th a t
is f o r g o t t e n o r i n a c c e s s i b l e to
y o u r a w a re n e s s . S o m e th in g
g o e s w ro n g d u rin g y o u r a n ­
n u a l v i s i t to y o u r f a m ily . Y o u r
i n n e r w o r l d is d e m a n d i n g a
h e a r i n g a n d is d o i n g s o b y n o t
l e t t i n g g o e m o tio n a lly . T h e r e ­
p e a t e d a n d l i n g e r in g a n g e r a n d
d e p re s s io n a re le ttin g y o u
k n o w th a t th e m a n n e r in w h ic h
y o u c o n s c io u s ly a p p ro a c h
a n d d e a l w ith th e f a m i l y v i s i t
is n o t w h a t y o u r t r u e n a t u r e
r e a l l y n e e d s . H o w is y o u r l i f e
c h a n g e d o r d i s t u r b e d b y th e
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