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T he P ortland O bserver • J une 18, 1997
Get oyer it and get on with your life Adoptive home sought
ious R icardo S tanton
m i J Jm
unious
Life presents its’ share o f disappoint
ments., setbacks, adversity and pain No
one is exempt from hurt, misfortune or
situations over which we have absolutely
no control. I f you haven’t experienced any
o f these yet rest assured, in due time you
w ill. It is all part o f being alive.
No matter what happens to us, we can
make the decision to control our responses I
am not suggesting we deny or minimize our
pain, heartache or disappointment. Certainly
we should acknowledge we are grieving,
upset or frustrated. However, at some point
we have to decide to get over whatever
happened and get on with our lives. Hosting
a perpetual pity party benefits no one.
Our emotions are the result o f conscious
and unconscious thought processes that
precipitate emotional responses. I say un
conscious because many times we attempt
to stu ff our memories and feelings below
our conscious awareness o f them. But be
cause we have attached so much mental
and emotional energy to them, they pop up
from our subconscious when we least ex
pect them. We see something that reminds
us o f a loved one who has passed on, or we
hear a song on the radio and start crying or
become resentful. We may find ourselves
unable to sleep or notice we are grinding
our teeth or we’ ve developed a nervous
twitch. We may turn to food, alcohol, drugs
or sex for comfort, solace or relief. This
only exacerbates the problem and leads us
down a road we really d id n ’t intend to
travel.
travel.
What is the best solution to ease our pain
and angst? Wisdom often is really simple,
offering uncomplicated solutions to human
problems. The answer is to get over what
ever it is that’s troubling you and get on with
your life! how do you get over disappoint
ment and pain? By forgiving and m oving on.
It is essential for a healthy mind, heart and
soul. What is forgiveness, you ask? forgive
ness is a mental and emotional exchange.
You substitute feelings o f understanding
and acceptance for your pain, anger or de
pression. Why should you do this? Because
your vexation, sorrow and resentment w ill
eat you up. When you become angry your
blood pressure goes up, your heart rate in
creases and your body’ s fig ht-fligh t physi
ological functions kick in. A ll this is fine i f
there is a real crisis or life threatening situ
ation, but i f it is merely a mental replay o f
events that happened days, weeks, months
or years ago, it’ s counter productive and
unhealthy. Why get in a tether over some
thing that is long over and done? Get over it
and get on with your life. The world doesn’ t
care i f you are angry or whether or not it is
justified. It does care however i f your anger
is preventing you from doing your jo b or is
making you ill.
Forgiveness doesn’ t mean you have to
forget what happened or even like what
happened. Forgiveness means you have to
accept that it happened and decide you w ill
no longer resent the fact that it happened.
Forgiveness means changing your attitude
and react, < / to what happened Learn fro
happened. Learn from
it. Look for the message in the mess, the
lesson in the loss and the ordination in the
ordeal Determine to look for ways to emerge
from the experience stronger, wiser and
more confident Someone once said, "when
bad things happen you can either be bitter
or you can be better.” Choose to be better
I am not suggesting that you can alter
your perspective or feelings overnight. Get
ting over a painful or traumatic experience
takes time and a personal commitment to
getting better. Time alone is not enough
You have to be determined to bounce back
and get well. You have to realize that
change is an integral part o f life, even when
the changes are uncomfortable, distressing
or disturbing. Accepting this puts you in
control mentally and emotionally. Know
ing you can control your responses and
reactions to whatever happens to you w ill
help you regain your emotional equilibrium
and focus. Ify o u feel in control o f yourself
you cannot feel hopeless or helpless.
Being aware and in control is the first
step. Being proactive is the next. Start
thinking positively and optim istically and
act in congruence w ith your thinking. Take
the initiative to do those things you know
are in your best interests. Ifyou don't know,
ask; seek help or counseling. Live in the
now by learning from your mistakes and
painful experiences. Focus on the lessons
you’ ve learned and accentuate the positive
aspects o f them. Then get over them and get
on w ith your life.
This pleasant and interactive
toddler loves to play with the c h il
dren and adults he is close to Riley
is one o f over 350 Oregon children
looking for an adoptive home. De
spite an in itia l shyness, R iley
rea dily shows excitem ent and
warmth for people he cares about
R iley’s special needs include early
p renatal d ru g e xpo sure and
Klinefelter's Syndrome which have
left him w ith Various delays. He
has made great progress already
and would assuredly be gratifying
to parent.
The unknowns facing his future
are outweighed by the rewards o f
sharing in the small, progressive
steps be takes daily. A stable, nur
turing fam ily could help this pre
cious child to stretch and explore
his potential. Oregon agencies
waive or reduce fees for the adop
tion o f Oregon’s children in state
care, and preadoption trainings are
offered statewide. To learn more
about adoption and the children
awaiting homes, contact The Spe
cial Needs Adoption Coalition at
The Boys and Girls A id Society,
(503)2229661.
tt n e w ncew icH /.i
Ka'Vantae La 'Rome Cornelius Powell
May 29, 1997; Male
7lbs I3oz; 20 1/2"
Mother: Latonia Crain
Father: Kevin Powell
Espy speaks on the USDA, Clinton
On America’ s Black Forum, form er A g
riculture Secretary M ike Espy discusses his
term in office at the USDA and his attempts
to cultivate Black participation w ithin the
bureaucracy. When asked i f the USDA is
currently operating in a “ racist manner”
concerning loans to Black farmers. Espy
says, “ there’ s no question about that...There
was a study done, and they (the USD A)
admitted that they have a long way to go
before they can reach satisfaction in the
selection and placement o f A frica n-A m eri
can men and women in the bureaucracy.”
From Whitewater to Donorgate, and the
resignations o f various top-level officials,
the Clinton administration has seemingly
been plagued by disgrace.
But Espy, who currently works for a M is
sissippi law firm , says he thinks the Presi
dent w ill overcome all o f the charges. “ I
don’t see any paralysis. I see the President
moving right along.”
In the area o f affirm ative action and civil
rights, though, Espy gives the President a
grade o f B-minus “ I think there are many,
many qualified African-Am erican men and
women who deserve appointment to this
cabinet and administration, particularly in
his inner circle.”
Espy was among the casualties during
Women
TTT m
C linton’s first term. In 1994, he left his post
at the USDA amidst allegations o f miscon
duct. “ These things that I ’ m, accused to have
done are trivial and I really don't think that
they’ re crim inal whatsoever," he says, add
ing that the process for choosing special
prosecutors needs to be reformed. "These
people are from the opposite party, so they
have an agenda and they are very vigorous
about promoting their agenda.”
The difference in focus between the Demo
cratic and Republican parties is one reason
why many African-Americans continue to
vote for the Democratic Party, according to
Espy, who cites the example o f the recently
discussed balanced budget package. “ The
Democrats wanted morespendingon lifestyle
programs such as education, health care,
and housing and the Republican Party inces
o
SAFEWAY
i
as careg
African American Women who are rais
ing their grandchildren report feeling less
burdened in their caregiving role, even
though they have fewer resources than Wh ite
grandmothers. These women show amazing
strength in even the most d iffic u lt situa
tions.
While to date 64 African Americans have
participated in Bradley U niversity’ s Grand
parent Study, researchers at the Center on
Aging are seeking additional African Am eri
can grandmothers, age 50 or older, living
with a grandchild in homes that do not
include the grandchild’s parents, to partici
pate in this ground-breaking national study.
The goal o f the study is to identify areas in
which grandparents raising grandchidlren
find satifaction and fu lfillm en t, as well as
those areas where greater support is needed
Results from this study would be used to
develop programs and policies that could
support grandparents in this vital role.
Participation in the study is free Inform a
tion received from participants during the
interview session is completely private and
santly clamored for cuts in taxes, principally
on capital gains and state taxes.”
A m e rica ’s Black Forum, a half-hour
weekly syndicated television show, airs on
71 television station nationwide. Host Juan
W illiam s leads this week’s discussion, along
w ith co m m en ta tors Ju lia n Bond and
Armstrong W illiam s. Please check your lo
cal listing for air time and station.
L a ’NasIta Nashay Annette Delia Raker
May 28, 1997; Female
7lbs 7oz; 20 inches
Mother: Carmen Rivera
Father: Deon Baker
B eginning E xperience O f O regon
Beginning Experience is announcing their next g rie f recovery retreat for the Divorced, Separated, and Widowed. This unique, copyrighted
weekend program was developed with the assistance o f the founder o f Marriage Encounter, and is designed to help the form ally married
work through their grief and experience renewal. Beginning Experience is an international non-profit organization and ecumenical peer-
m inistry-open to those o f all faiths. Date: June 27-29, 1997; Location: Triangh
• I ' l l #» P o t r o - i t
C'a
information, call Frank (503) 649-5676, Jeanette (503) 399-6923 or Lydia (5-
SUMMER VALUES!
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A summer treat.
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confidential.
Grandparents interested in participating
or lean ing more about the Grandparent Study
can contact Erin Driscoll at I -800-695-5927.
PLU# 8829
N obody does it B etter ' for L ess .