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Grandparenting the right way
One of the great adventures life
has to offer is that of becoming a
grandparent and having an opportu
nity to interact with your very own
grandchildren.
Being a grandparent is special
because it is part of the magic and
mystery of reproduction and family.
It is a kind of confirmation of eter
nity when one sees this tangible
extension of the family tree take
place before your eyes. Many people
with strong family traditions find
this experience to be wonderful.
Statistics say that 70 percent of
Americans over the age o f 65 are
grandparents. Nearly half of them
will see their first great-grandchild.
These millions of grandparents are
discovering the whimsical wisdom
of the popular T-shirt slogan: “ If I
knew grandchildren were this much
fun. I would have had them first.”
There is no feeling better than being
wanted.
On some level, children under
stand that there is no absolute re
quirement for caring such as that
expected of parents, so the kids be
gin to understand that their grand
parents love them for themselves,
not just because they are expected to.
If both parties, children and grand
parents, feel lucky that they are re
lated, there is good feeling all around.
The bonding that takes place is sec
ond only to that with parents, and in
some cases, may exceed it. Grand
parents bring a different perspective
to the relationship than one’s par
ents. That is why there are many
traditions in different societies that
call for grandparents to pass along
the lore and traditions of the culture.
Since grandparents often transmit
the culture, they provide a sense of
connection with the past and our
origins If the child has good par
ents, grandparents can concentrate
on their unique relationship. There
fore, grandparents must understand
the points of view and philosophy of
their children, so they can build on
that, or remedy it if necessary. Of
course, grandparents are expected
to have many attributes beneficial to
a good relationship.
Let's face it, some people are poor
parents. If all attempts to success
fully pass along concerns to the par
ents fail, the best grandparents can
do is to show the children that there
are other ways of doing things.
Ifthe family is chaotic, the grand
parents should do their best to pro
vide order.
If parents are hyper-critical, con
stantly tearing their children down,
grandparents should take care to
find things to approve and build up
egos. Clearly, this sort of activity
requires great sensitivity.
It is not unreasonable for grand
parents to have different expecta
tions from parents when children
are visiting. If. for example, chil
dren have no discipline or guide
lines at home, it is perfectly appro-
The Parent
Mentor Project
Child Care Financing:
Challenges and Opportunities
Over the past two decades,
there has been a grow ing de
mand for child care and an
increased recognition o f the
need for more funding forchild
care services. Many fam ilies
are lim ited in what they can
afford to pay, although they
often spend a significant por
tion o f their income for child
care. A c co rd in g to C ensus
Bureau figures, child care costs
are on the rise. A fam ily with
a preschool-age child spent
an average o f $15 more per
week on child care in 1993
than in 1986. In addition, poor
fam ilies who paid for care
spent 18 percent o f their in
come on child care, com pared
with non-poor fam ilies who
spent 7 percent.
C urrently, the federal gov
ernm ent supports child care
directly with approxim ately $2
billion in funding for services
through C hild Care for Aid to
Fam ilies with Dependent C hil
dren (AFDC) R ecipients, T ran
sitional Child Care (TC C ), At-
Risk Child Care (ARCC), and
the Child Care and Developm ent
Block Grant (CCDBG). A nother
m a jo r so u rc e o f fu n d in g is
through tax re lie f with the De
pendent Care Tax C redit, at $2.5
billion.
With this benefit, fam ilies can
receive credit for 20-30 percent
o f their child care expenses, d e
p en d in g on incom e. S ev eral
states also offer tax credits for
child care. Yet, there is a sub
stantial gap between what this
provides and what parents must
pay for quality child care ser
vices.
The grow ing dem and for child
priate to have rules in your own
house When they enter school, chil
dren will find different expectations
from their teachers, so why not from
different members of the family?
Understanding that people can be
legitimately different is an impor
tant understanding for children to
learn Helpful guidelines include:
I Rule making is not a grand
parents task
2. Grandchildren need your at
tention and interest in their activi
ties
3. Grandchildren need to hear of
their parents childhood and youth.
4 Speak to the parents about
your concerns
but never in the
presence of the children.
5. Celebrating special days cre
ates memories and continues tradi
tions.
6 While children are small, help
them explore their world.
7. Offer your time to assist with
out interfering
care calls for creative financ
ing to build the supply o f avail
able services, to help parents
afford quality care for children,
and to ensure investm ents in
training and in other quality
protections.
S uch c r e a tiv e fin a n c in g
s tra te g ie s are b eg in n in g to
em erge across the country I his
presents opportunities for in
volvem ent and partnering in
new ways and on many differ
ent levels.
Federal governm ent agen
cies, states, and m unicipalities
are joining with representatives
from businesses, foundations,
and other sources of private
sector support to find new ways
to raise revenues, manage co l
laboration, and deliver services
to support children and fam i
lies
Addictions Recovery Association
Most of the women who graduate
from the Letty OwingsCenter’s resi
dential drug and alcohol treatment
program are single, with low in
comes and little education. When
they graduate from treatment, they
must establish homes for their chil
dren and create social networks to
keep themselves in recovery. A vol
unteer mentor can make a crucial
difference for a mother facing these
challenges. A m entor is a
nonjudgmental listener who cares.
The relationship with the mentor is
an opportunity for the mother to
practice being open and honest, ask
ing for help, and solving problems
with another adult. The mentor may
share ideas for parenting as well as
teach daily living skills like house
keeping and job hunting. In short,
the mentor’s role is to be a depend
able support person, affirming the
mother's strengths and standing by
her during rough times.
If you wold like to be a mentor,
call (503) 235-3546.
»r t
and
( ) bsi r \
i r
Caring for infants
with special needs
Finding affordable quality care
for an infant qr toddler with a dis
ability can be challenging. To ad
dress this need, Easter Seal Solu
tions (ESS), a child care training
and placement program, was de
veloped by the Easter Seals Society
of North Georgia.
The program recruits and trains
tem porary
and
perm anent
caregivers in early childhood de
velopmental practices and in work
ing with infants and toddlers with
varying types of disabilities. In
addition, Easter Seals staff will
customize training for child care
centers, replicate training packages
for those outside of the Atlanta
area, and provide consultations on
issues related to the Americans with
Disabilities Act (ADA).
The training program has seven
sections and is based on develop
mental practices supported by the
National Association for the Edu
cation o f Young C hildren
(NAEYC). One training section
focuses on working with infants
and toddlers with disabilities and
other special needs. In another
section on speech therapy, staff are
trained to address the communica-
tion needs of young children, in
cluding how to meet different needs
and ability levels within a group
The occupational therapy training
focuses on the development of fine
motor skills. Providers learn about
feeding techniques and adaptations
for different abi I ¡ties. The physical
therapy section presents gross mo
tor skills training and includes dia
pering, positioning, and related is
sues.
Acadia Bah NEA is a Senior
Government Relations Specialist
in the Office of Public Affairs, Na
tional Easter Seal Society. More
than 40 local Easter Seal affiliates
provide child care, and more than
90 affiliates provide infant and early
intervention services. For more in
formation, contact Katy at: (202)
347-3066
Katy Beh Neas is a Senior Gov
ernment Relations Specialist in the
Office of Public Affairs, National
Easter Seal Society. More than 40
local Easter Seal affiliates provide
child care, and more than 90 affili
ates provide infant and early inter
vention services. For more infor
mation, contact Katy at (202) 347
3066
Life insurance and
viatical settlements
Very often, when someone has a
life threatening illness they cannot
work, the caregivers may have to
quit their job and then there is no
income People in these positions
may need to declare bankruptcy.
They cannot pay their bills - in
cluding the premiums due on Life
Insurance policies and those poli
cies lapse.
A Life Insurance policy that was
purchased to pay a sum to benefi
ciaries after your death can be used
now The option isto sell the policy
for cash and relieve the burdens of
mounting medical bills that exceed
medical coverage, assist in the cost
of daily living and relieve the pres
sure from caregivers who might
othewise drain their ow n resources
The BEST source for informa
tion and obtaining a Viatical Settle
ment is either your financial advi
sor or Life Insurance Agent
There are also some groups, as
sociations, and employers that have
contracted with a major viatical
settlement company for their mem
bers or employees. Again, your best
source of information is your fi
nancial advisor or Life Insurance
Agent.
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MARCH 1997
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