•• f i e. 1 ut P ori land O bserver « D ecember 13, 1995 P age A5 (Tí|c Jlo rtla n h (i)b sm H oliduiffi B r in g A n x ie t y A b o u t L a c k O f F a m ily T im e For many families, spending extra time together during the holi­ days increases the anxiety about how little time they share the other 11 months ot the year, according to a nationally-recognized psychologist and authority on parenting. “Many, probably most, Ameri­ can parents are concerned about the amount of time they share with their children," explained Dr. Lawrence Balter, professor ofapplied psychol­ ogy at New York University. "The holidays, with their abundance of family activities, can make the con­ cern even more acute.” According to the Family Re­ search Council, the amount of time parents spend with children today has dropped 40 percent since 1965, and national research has found that parents are increasingly concerned about the situation. l or example, the National Com­ mission on Children reported that 59 percent of all parents said they want to spend more time with their chil­ dren. “The problem isn’t desire," Dr. Balter said. "Parents want to be with their children. The problem is mak­ ingtime and finding activities every­ one can enjoy.” Dr. Balter, author of "Who’s In Control (Dr. Balter’s Guide to Disci­ pline Without Combat)’’and "Not In Front of the Children ...(Howto Talk to Your Child About Tough Family Matters)”, recommends five activi­ ties that are particularly well suited for family togetherness. The first is eating together. "The family meal is the easiest opportunity for family time,” he said. “It doesn't have to be fancy. It just needs to be a time when everyone in the family is together around the ta­ ble. The only requirement is that the television is turned off.” Another activity parents and children can do together is a home improvement project. Seniors (io I lome For The I loi ida ijs “ Projects involving a child’s room are particularly satisfying,” Dr. Balter said, "and there’s almost al­ ways a task for even the youngest do- it-yourselfer.” Simple pleasures like walks or bicycle trips are very enjoyable and take a minimal amount o f advanced planning. Day trips — such as ex­ ploring an urban neighborhood, pick­ ing apples in the country or visiting a museum — take a little more plan­ ning but are rewarding adventures for young and old alike. Dr. Balter’s fifth suggestion is to "turn the TV into an ally and watch it as a family.” “A generation ago, watching television was our primary family activity," he said. “Each house typ­ ically had one television and it drew everyone together. Then, the price of television sets came down, the amount ofprogramming increased and many Americans now tend to watch televi­ sion in isolation.” Trade-offs Piade To Balance Family Life A new study o f more than 6,000 employees in professional and man-; ufacturing jobs has found that many - and only slightly more women than men - have made career trade-ofTs to try to balance their work and family life. The survey of Du Pont Co. em­ ployees found that at the managerial and professional level, 47 percent of the women and 4 1 percent of the men had told their supervisors that they would not be available for reloca­ tion. In the same group, 32 percent of the women and 19 percent of the men had told their bosses that they would not take ajob that required extensive travel. In addition, 7 percent o f the women and 11 percent of the men had turned down a promotion they had been offered. Among those in manufacturing jobs, 45 percent of the women and 39 percent of the men had refused to work overtime. Also, 12 percent of the women and 15 percent ofthe men had turned down a promotion. "W e’ve asked those questions in about 40 surveys o f larger compa­ nies and what we’re seeing over time is that more men are making these trade-offs,” said Charles Rodgers, president of Rodgers & Associates, the Boston-based firm that conduct­ ed the study for Du Pont. “Du Pont is not out of line. There is increasing congruence between men’s answers and women's.” The study was based on ques­ tionnaires given to a representative sampling of employees at Du Pont, and on focus groups to supplement that data. Du Pont, which has a total of about 130,000 employees, was one of the first large companies to devel­ op extensive work-family programs, including flexible work hours, job sharing, subsidized emergency child care, and referrals for care for elderly relatives or children, or for other family needs. The study found that employees who had used these programs were more likely than others to say they would “go the extra mile” to assure Du Pont’s success. "This study shows that manage­ ment practices that respond to the needs of the labor force are very effective as tools to make the work force more committed and more en­ gaged,” Rodgers said. “It’s striking evidence that if you do something to meet the employees' needs, they re­ turn the favor.” Du Pontdid its first work-family study in 1985, and although the new study covers somewhat different ground, the 10-yearcomparison pro- duced some surprising results. The proportion of employees reporting “great difficulty" finding Zairha Knueppel says thank you after Southwest Airlines representative Tara Desrosiers presents fieri chi Id care declined considerably from with airline tickets to El Paso, Texas, which will enable her to visit her family in Mexico this Christmas. | 1985 to 1995. And since the 1985 (Photo by Michael Le/gbfonjJ survey, the percentage of men in IL M kiiaei L eighton are Charles Veit, who last saw his “traditional” families, where the wife mentary School Choir provided en­ Doming Cachero and his wife stays home with the children, in­ family 50 years ago and Lillian Irvin tertainment with holiday and con­ I are among a group of 10 Portland creased. who has a sister suffering from Leu­ temporary songs much to the de­ area senior citizens who are going kemia. Rodgers said that change might light of the lunchtime audience. home for the holidays thanks to be due to sampling procedures or an Minnie Fairley of northeast Port­ A tradition since 1979, “Home I Southwest Airlines and the Area aging work force rather than a funda­ land will visit her grandchildren and tor the Holidays" has enabled ap­ Association on Aging for Mult- mental shift in family patterns. But, great-grandchildren in Chicago and plicants ot at least 65 years of age | nomah County. Mississippi. She was separated from he said, the Du Pont study and simi­ and living on a fixed income toj Cachero is an infantry veteran her daughter 20 years ago and just lar surveys his company has con­ travel free of charge during the hol­ who immigrated to the United States recently learned o f her death. ducted elsewhere show that profes­ idays. in 1924 from the Philippines. The Fairly and Zairah Kneuppel were sional and managerial men in large T he program was cited by I last time he saw a living family among the seniors who attended a companies are far more likely to live President Reagan in 1986 as an | member was 1950. ceremony in their honor held recent­ in traditional families than statistics outstanding com m unity service Also visiting relatives this ly at the Southeast Multicultural Se­ about the overall work force would program and awarded the Pres­ Christmas season thanks to the nior Center. predict. idential award for Private Sec-| "Home for the Holiday’s" program The Martin Luther King Jr. Ele- “When you look at the work tor Initiatives. force in general, young men who have wives staying home with the children are a distinct minority,” Rodgers said. "Managerial men in In a national study, more than their schools are doing a good job tured work experiences to a purely large corporations, even young men two-thirds of parents believe their , academic education. with vocational and technical educa­ with children, are far more likely to children need to start taking special­ tion; only 30 percent say their school In fact, a majority of parents have traditional families, and that is ized courses and making career deci­ is doing a good job of work and ranked work skills as the single most not changing very much." sions as early as middle school and career counseling. important preparation for earning a O f those who responded to the definitely by the first two years of living, not only above technical skills Support for this kind of tradition­ Du Pont survey, 16 percent care for high school. and course work like science and al diploma substitute extends across elderly relatives, with a quarter of Similarly, parents overwhelm­ history, but even above basic skills the socioeconomic spectrum with non­ them spending $2,000 to $5,000 a ingly prefer an education that in­ like reading and math. whites being most supportive. year on such care and 6 percent spend­ cludes occupational skills and struc­ Just 36 percent of parents say ing $10,000 or more. Parents Rank Jobs Skills Poll Shows Children Fear They Will Die Young A new national poll reveals a majority of American children aged 7 to 10 fear they will die young. The poll also shows large num­ bers of teenagers are exposed to gang violence, sex, drug and alcohol abuse, all threats to their health and safety. The poll covers children from all economic, social and geographi­ cal areas in the country and is being released by Kaiser Permanente and Children Now. I hepollalsofoundthatchildren prefer talking to their mothers about Dad’s these issues. Teens with higher lev­ els of exposure to health and safety threats are far less likely to turn to adults for advice. And, even in 2 parent families, few children turn to their fathers or other adult males as their primary source o f advice. Children Now is a nationally prominent children's policy, advo­ cacy and communications organiza­ tion, headquartered in Oakland. 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