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may feel it only deserves three whacks. The punishment is diree, Sandy confided.
Family Focus
by B ill B a rb e r
The Allens of Bend, Oregon will tell you they are just an ordinary family. In today’s
“Discipline is always administered the same consistent way: With the paddle- never abelt
or any odier instrument - absolutely never wath the hand. “The hand is for loving,
explains Sandy AUen. Kurt always administers die punishments, consistency again. One
last note on discipline: “We always detach ourselves from anger when discipline is
necessary. T he boys have come to recognize that paddle is the appropriate result of an
inappropriate action. It is not so much a punishment, as it is aconsequence of their failure
of the responsibility to do the right thing.
tutni dni< ms times what the Allens refer to as ordinary may seem a bit more extraordinary
Responsibility is another one of those words diat reoccurs in conversations with the
to the rest of us.
AUens. Chores around the house, effort in schoolwork. working outside die home for
Kurt and Sandy AUen have two boys, Chad (14) and Matthew (11). The Allens live about
extra spending money, are usually centered around the boys responsibility. One of the
reasons die boys are rarely disciplined anymore is because they understand their
a mile outside of Bend. Kurt has been a surveyor, with a local construction company for
m a in
several years. Santly works at a convenient mart in Bend. If you were trying to find Chad,
responsibility to conduct themselves in a m anner that won’t cause dieir parents any
the best place to look for him is at a ballgame. It doesn't seem to matter what sportyou're
distress.
watching.Chadw ill probably beeasy to find. Heistheall-star.H eisanall-starinBaseball,
Sandy had some unique insight on wllat she does to become more involved in Chad and
Basketball and Football. At this tune. Matthew has taken a different route to make his
Matthew's education. “I like to meet with the boys' teachers within the first two weeks
mark. Matthew is raising and exhibiting a rare breed of steer. So rare in fact, that he is
of school. I have found die larger portionof dieir teachers have a sincere interest m seeing
the first one to ever introduce it to the Pacific Northwest.
their students excel. Teachers appreciate it when die parents show an interest in dieir
Most people who meet the Allen Family seem to come away with the same description.
efforts. Chad has a litde easier tune of it with his studies. Matthew has more of a struggle,
“Thev always refer to us as the Cleavers from theold ’Beaver’ sit-oom," said motherSandy
but still does quite well. Fordiis reason, the parents’ expectations differ betw een the two
Mien with some em barrassed pride. When asked die main reason that peopleoften tide
boys.
(h a d and Matthew “good boys” she recounted the following explanation: “Until Chad
Expectations is anodier one of those reoccurring w ords, when you talk w id, the Allens of
was age 3. we had not -.tiled in onaparticular philosophy of child rearing. O nedayChad
Bend. Chad and Matdiew know what they can consistendv expect from Mom and Dad:
was throwing a tantrum as we were preparing to leave for die Four Square Church in
loving, cliurch going, drug and alcohol-free home with caring parents who provide all the
Bend. " When Sandy discussed it widi the pastor, she was introduced to something called
things they need; even if it is not all die things they want. Kurt and bandy know w ha, they
• l ough Love'. That was the beginning of change at the Allen household. Matthew had
can expect from the boys; effort, most of the time 100% effort, in the things they do:
just been bom and the timing seemed right.
schoolworL sports, raising cattle, chores. “If you don't expect die effort, the kids w ill
Kurt and Sandy Allen agree that this ’Tough Love’ discipline is probably the overriding
probably not respond," Sandy observed.
factor in determining how die boys have remained on die right track. The kids aren t
You probably know a family like the .Allens UTiy no, tell us about them. Metro Motion's
disciplined for everything, but there are some unique systematic guidelines diat seem to
Family Focus would like to write about them next tune. Write us a, PO Box 4702,
work m families who employ the ‘Tough Love’ philosophy. For instance, if one of the
Portland, Oregon 97208
bovs does something they were not supposed to have done, Mom and Dad wall discuss
it with the boy. The object is to make sure the boy has no question in his mind about why
Dear Family Focus: Bill, My two children argue every time they have to split something.
the disciplinary steps wall be taken. “Disciplinary steps" at the Allen household translates
Who got the biggest piece?
to Sandy’s former sorority paddle, which has been whittled down to better fit the kids’
Chad and Matdiew "good boys" she recounted die following explanation: “Until Chad
Who has to do the most work on the job list around the house ect. It never seems to be
Expectations is another one of those reoccurring words, when you talk with the Allens of
was age 3, we had not settled in on a particular philosophy of child rearing One day Chad
Bend Chad and Matthew know w liat they can consistently expect from Mom and Dad:
was throwing a tantrum as we were preparing to leave for the Four Square Church in
loving, church going, drug and alcohol-free home with canng parents who provide all the
Bend.” When Sandy discussed it with the pastor, she was introduced to something called
things they need; even if it is not all the dungs they want. Kurt and Sandy kn.iw w ha, they
‘Tough Love’. T hat was die beginning of change at die AUen household. Matthew had
can expect from the boys; effort, most of the time 100% effort, in the dungs they do
just been bom and the timing seemed right.
schoolwork, sports, raising cattle, chores. “If you don’, expect the effort, the kids will
Kurt and Sandy Allen agree that dus ‘Tough Love’ discipline is probably die overriding
probably not respond," Sandy observed.
factor in determining how die boys have remained on die right track. The kids aren t
You probably know a family like the AUens. Why not teU us about them Metro Motion s
disciplined i , v -rvd ang, but them are some unique systematic guidelines dial seem to
work in fam,I :es who employ the ‘Tough lo v e ’ philosophy. For instance, if one of the
Family Focus would like to write about them next time W nte us a, PO Box 4702.
boys does somediing they were not supposed to have done, Mom and Dad wall discuss
it with die boy. The object is to make sure the boy has no question in his mind about why
Portland. Oregon 97208
Dear Family Focus: Bill, My two children argue every time diey have to split something.
the disciplinary steps wiU be taken. “Disciplinary steps” at die Allen household translates
U lio go, die biggest piece?
to Sandy’s former soronty paddle, which has been whittled down to better fit die kids’
'R'ho has to do the most work on die job list around the house ect. I, never seems to be
size The interesting part comes next. After the discussion, the child decides how many
divided evenly! BI. 1 r \
strokes of die paddle that particular offense will warrant. The parents will then make a
Igment ca" on whether they think die oftense was dial severe or not. The maximum is
five strokes. ’Sometimes the boys wall think a penalty deserves five whacks. Kurt and I
BETTY: Let one child divide and then le, die odier child have die firs, pick. That should
work. BILL
August 1992
7 netroMotion
•IX
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