Page 6 The Portland Observer—October 3, 1990
opinion
HFRS
Can a Long-distance Relationship survive?
BY C M. BROOKS
cause the long-distance relationship is some point in this type of relationship,
based on an emotional and/or intellec contact will be necessary to sustain the
can ihink of no other union be
tual level.
existing bonds. This can take the form of
tween two people that clearly dem
Another advantage of the long a phone call, or week-end visit, or maybe
onstrates character, that directly chal distance relationship is the absence fac even an occasional vacation together.
lenges the durability o f a relationship, tor. Absence does make the heart grow The total cost, if not handled wisely,
and where commitment is exercised on a fonder in this relationship because you could turn out to be an enormous finan
daily basis, then that of the
cial burden!
------------------------------ •
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long-distance relationship. It
Another drawback is that
is quite frankly “ The Ulti
you won’t be able to share in
mate Test” . In order to
life’s simplest pleasures that
develop an opinion about the
make us smile or laugh. You
survivability of the long-dis
cannot share in and you cer
tance relationship, it is im
tainly cannot recreate a spon
portant io first discuss the
taneous moment with some
advantages and second, to
one who is miles away.
discuss the disadvantages it
One o f the most impor
has to offer.
tant disadvantages of the long
Time. Time is an
distance relationship is that
important element in the long
larger issues that will eventu
distance romance. The ad
ally surface, like marriage and
vantage lies in the fact that
who will have to relocate and
there is not enough time to
sacrifice their career in order
damage the relationship with
to be together in the future, are
demands, expectations, and with the day- tend to “ glamorize” that person. That shelved because the answers might mean
to-day pressures of life. As a conse person becomes more intelligent, more the demise of the relationship.
quence, the time that is spent together attractive, more sensitive, and more
For this reason alone, I conclude
must be of the finest quality.
understanding when they are absent. This that the long-distance relationship can
The type of foundation this par makes their reunion more exciting and not work as a permanent situation. Sooner
ticular involvement rests upon is also an enjoyable as a result.
or later, if you love each other, you will
advantage. When distance separates two
There arc, of course, disadvan want to be together.
people, sex cannot play a primary role. tages in being involved in the long-dis
For this reson, the ties are stronger be- tance relationship like the cost factor. At
MM
I
Time. Time is an important
element in the long
distance romance. The
advantage lies in the fact
that there is not enough
time to damage the
relationship with demands
Parenting: Your Child from One to Six Class Scheduled
I his American Red Cross course focuses on two primary roles ol parents: the protective-nurturing role and the
teaching-modeling role. Through group participation and at-home activities, parents are helped to strengthen relationships
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class. Grandparents and other caregivers are encouraged to attend.
Parenting: Your Child from One to Six, a 12-hour course, will be held on Wednesdays, October 17,24, 31 and
November 7 ,1 4 ,2 1 , from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m., at the Red Cross Building, 3131 N. Vancouver Ave. The cost is $15 per individual
or couple. Call 284-1234, ext. 176, to pre-register.
BY ULLYSSES TUCKER, JR.
Atlanta to New York City.
Washington, D.C. to New York City.
Minneapolis to Washington, D.C. Min
neapolis to New York City. Boston to
New York City. Boston to Minneapolis.
Boston to Washington, D.C. St. Louis
to Boston. St. Louis to Washington,
D.C. St. Louis to Columbia, S.C. Port
land to Boston. Portland to Dallas.
Portland to Washington, D.C. Portland
to St. Louis. Tired yet? This is not a
schedule of flights for one of the major
airlines, it’s a list of attempts I’ve made
to cultivate relationships with women in
other cities. The HER side of this col
umn recently asked me if long distance
relationships could work or develop
positively. Needless to say, I am not an
advocate of these types of encouters and
1 believe taht they can endure only under
certain circumstances. Temporary long
distance is cool.
Relationships, in the same city,
can be very tough or difficult under
daily stresses, job pressures, and eco
nomic conditions that exist. Throw in a
couple o f thousand miles and it further
complicates matters. As stated, long
distance relationships can work only
under certain conditions and those con
ditions in which they can work are when
a person is in college, the armed forced,
or in jail (though I hope not). I base that
on the the fact that eventually the one
who is away will come back home to the
same city as their lover. Still, no one is
immuned to temptation, loneliness, or
cheating while away from their partner.
Some people, because of their psycho
logical or emotional m ake-up-m aybe
even because of their values/morals,
need to have someone in their life.
O thers are capable of enduring the
pain, d ark m oments, or emptiness
associated with being away from the
one they love or cope with living in
another city. Some people require
m ore hum an touch than others and
then there are those individuals, who
through faith/trust in the relationship,
rem ain strong or wait for their mate
to retu rn . Depending on the circum
stances, it can simply boil down to a
matter of morals, will, or values as to
whether a relationship can survive the
distance.
Over the years, I watched people
or couples idealistical ly chase the dream
of commuting from state to state for
their love needs. Some have been very
successful and others died before they
had an opportunity to gett off the ground
(or plane). Economics play a very big
role in long distance relationships.
Fortunately, in my attempts, I had jobs
that provided a great deal of travel and a
lot of the cost was not out of my pocket.
Building miles in various frequent flyer
programs also enhanced my mobility
around the states. Most folks aren’t that
lucky. What it comes down to is who is
going to relocate where or who is going
to give up what is to be with the other?
Some people are attracted to long dis
tant relationships because they are gen
erally safe, less demanding, and they
also offer much more freedom. Again,
who gives up what? For example, you
and your sweetheart both cam over
$40,000 annually and own homes in two
different cities. You both are in upper
management and vested comfortably with
your companies. Who gives up what?
What happens when you both fail to
gain transfers or promotions to the city
where your lover is? How long can you
both afford to commute or endure high
telephone bills? How badly do you both
really want to be together? Are their
doubts about faithfulness? There are a
thousand questions that need to be ad
dressed before establishing a long dis
tance relationship and many more once
people thrust themselves into these
encounters.
Even if one of you decide to
relocate to the same city as your lover,
there arc other questions that need to be
addressed. Do you take a cut in salary?
How is the job market for your given
profession? Do you find a job before
moving? Do you move and start from
scratch? Do you like the environment?
Is the person worth moving for? There
are some places in this country where
even a marriage proposal is not enough
to convince someone to relocate. What
happens when one of you move to the
city where your lover is and you don’t
find a job right away? Does your frus
tration blame him/her for things not
going right? Can he/she afford to carry
the economic burden until things are
right? What happens if you move to the
same city as your lover and the relation
ship bombs? Do you get married before
relocation? Do you want to live to
gether before marriage? What happens
when you live together and it still bombs
out?
Again, there are countless
questions to be answered before a per
son allows themself to get involved in a
long distance relationship. Some people
make this commitment (emotionally)
and give little consideration to potential
pitfalls surrounding the choice. Good
judgement and serious conversation
should also take place before drawing
any type of conclusion. I’m sure people
like Magic Johnson, Eddie Murphy, or
Spike Lee have no problems, economi
cally, commuting coast to coast in a re
lationship or locally for that matter.
Money helps a great deal, especially
when one person might find themself
doing most of the traveling or paying the
cost.
Now, why would a person want
to turn to a long distance relationship?*
Well, I would hope that it’s because they
love someone enough to give their lovej
the best chance to succeed or put it
through the test. On the other hand, a
long distance relationship can ease local
pressures (dating others) or provide more
freedom. People, in my case, also turn
to long distance relationships when then-
needs are not being met in the city in
which they live. If a person’s needs are
not being met, it is human nature to
gravitate towards someone who can meet
these needs, but then all the questions ,
come into play. It’s a tough call. One
more quick question...which is worse,
flying all over the U.S.A. to be with
someone you care about (not to mention
the telephone bills) or being lonely with
a $52.00 telephone in your hometown? ;
People have needs and will go to great
lengths to meet these needs. Hopefully,
these needs can be met on a local level,
f
HOME SHOPPING NETWORK ANNOUNCES
APPOINTMENT OF MICHAEL V. ROBERTS TO
BOARD TO FURTHER ITS COMMITMENT TO
MINORITY BROADCASTING
ULS l BANK
HOME EQUITY LOANS
Vicrc serious alxiut helping you tip into
die equity in your home, in r a lim ited time, a
I IS. Bank h o m e equity instilm ent loan com es
w ith n o setup lees, n o points, and n o closing
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tt > apply O r call l-800-422-iC62 and ask ftir a
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T H E R M -O -L O C K
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ANK
ia u«>
r
the private sector. As a result of his
public service, Roberts has extensive
political experience and contacts around
the United States. He served as a mem
ber of the board of directors of the Na
tional League o f Cities and the Black
Caucus of Local Elected Officials.
Roberts has been the recipient of
many awards for community service,
including from the National Association
of University Women and the Urban
League of St. Louis.
Roy M. Speer, the chairman and
chief executive officer of HSN, stated,
“ We are delighted with Mike Roberts’
appointment to HSN’sboardofdirectors
since he will add invaluable experience
and perspective to the formulation of
HSN’s future business policy. HSN has
made strong commitments to promoting
minority broadcasting in this country
and Roberts will play a significant role
in continuing this commitment.”
a special program for limited incom e Ixir-
rovvers. Don't wait, because this offer expires
N ovem ber 9, 1990.
ta
¡U R
Home Shopping Network, Inc.
(NYSE: HSN), announced today the ap
pointment of Michael V. Roberts to its
board of directors. Roberts is the co
founder of Roberts Broadcasting Com
pany which owns the largest black-owned
commercial television station in the
country, WHSL-TV (Channel 46) in St.
Louis. Channel 46 is the first new com
mercial television station in the St. Louis
market in 20 years and is a full-time
broadcast affiliate of HSN. In addition to
founding Roberts Broadcasting Company,
Roberts also established a firm to pro
vide consulting services for minority
business development specializing in the
broadcasting industry. In this regard,
Roberts is also a member of the board of
directors of the National Association of
Black-Owned Broadcasters.
Roberts was elected and served on
the St. Louis Board of Aldermen (City
Council) for eight years prior to entering
m u s ftmk M c m tx o im
I ,m u | s,.u o \ m , „ , . ilIM iik.ilO rvH .iti
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( 5 0 3 ) 698-1143
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