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September 19,1990
The Portland O bserver Page 9
999 OPINION HIS
• • • 1
Expectations Can Break Your Heart
T -I-
Observer Seeks New Writer
he HERS side o f the His/Hers Opinion Page has been temporarily suspended
while the Observer seeks a new writer
The Portland Observer is seeking a female to write the HERS
viewpoint in the popular column "HIS/HERS Opinion" published
w eekly in this paper. Individuals should be creative, intelligent,
committed, black, and an excellent writer. This person should also
be able to m eet publication dealines. Please drop off samples at 4747
N.E. Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd. No telephone calls, please. A
freelace fee will be discussed should you be the one selected.
by U llysses Tucker, Jr.
son wants to kiss/m ake love and the
view each other according to their own
other does not. Total frustration can be
Over the years from personal
expectations or world view. Just be­
the end result. So, when is it the right
experiences, I’ve definitely learned the
cause one person is excited or in love
tim e to tell som eone that you really love
hard way that if you have expectations
with another does not mean that the
them or care for them enough to share
in a relationship, chances are you will
feelings are mutual. Unfortunately, when
significant am ounts o f tim e with them?
a person places them self out there for
get disappointed. I ’ve also learned to
Should you develop expectations?
consumption, they leave their feelings
take it one day at a time, but it’s diffi­
E xpectations can really disap­
or heart in limbo. It can be the begin­
cult. Especially when you encounter
point people because another person might
someone who erases aw ay pains o f the
ning o f a wonderful relationship and
not be ready to cultivate a relationship,
past, dark moments, and fell like a youth
exchanges o f intimacy. Imagine, two
be more assertive, less aggressive, crea­
again or possibly even glow in their
human beings realizing how much they
tive, am bitious, religious, dom estic, or
company. It’s very hard not to let go
care for each other. Firew orks, growth.
be college m aterial,
when it feels good
inside o f the heart.
eople have the tendency to view each other according to or w illing to be a
parent like others
Sometimes, letting _____ their own expectations or world view. Just because one
go can resem ble
person is excited or in love with another does not mean that the w ant them to be.
People are
“ shooting craps” in
feelings are mutual. Unfortunately, when a person places them ­
who they are and it
Las Vegas or Reno,
self out there for consumption, they leave their feelings or heart
Nevada. Once you
in limbo. It can be the beginning of a wonderful relationship is hard to change
let go o f the dice or
and exchanges of intimacy. Imagine, two human beings realiz­ them or their behav­
share your innermost
ing how much they care for each other. Fireworks, growth, pas­ ioral patterns. They
feelings with the tar­ sion, love, and respect for each other. Often, some people can
change because they
geted individual, it’s
be scared away or become paranoid at another’s expressions of w ant to change, not
out o f your control.
because o f your ex ­
true feelings they might not be ready to exchange."
A person never
pectations for them
knows what number will show up on the
passion, love, and respect for each other.
to do so. Human nature is just that way.
A ccept people for who they are, and,
dice or know how the other individual
Often, some people can be scared away
will react to these expressions o f love/
more importantly, learn to understand
or become paranoid at another’s expres­
feelings. Throwing craps or frightening
sions o f true feelings they might not be
why they feel as they do. By the same
token, you cannot expect another to love
ready to exchange. They will either
that individual away is a strong possibil­
grow closer together or farther apart.
you just because you feel that way. Once
ity if they do not feel the same way.
people learn to grow, listen to others,
Seven and eleven if always a winner on
Sadly, in the case o f rejection,
the relationship might develop com pli­
and understand the feelings/needs o f
the first roll o f the dice, but putting one­
others, then perhaps it w ill be easier to
self on the line for potential rejection is
cations because now one person feels
know when the time is right (to say how
a serious risk. It’s like rolling “ snake
unlike the other. I’s also too late to re­
eyes” on your first attem pt or seven
tract the “ statements or feelings” since
much you care). Some things take time
and patience.
after you have established a point.
they are already out there. T hat person,
In my opinion, there is no proper
making the revelation, can either be
Rem em ber, you cannot rush
time or place to tell som eone that you
patient and pray for the situation to
people and make them feel w hat you
develop or get on with their life som e­
feel. Let them be who they are; shake
love or care for the very much. Trust
the expectations from your mind. If you
your heart and let the dice fall where
where else. In some cases, it becomes
difficult to remain friends since one per-
don’t, you m ight get disappointed.
they may. People have the tendency to
Pacific Power and Portland Public School representatives display "giant check" given to Sabin Elemen­
tary by Pacific. Funds will go to purchase supplies for less advantaged students.
Coffee, Talk Session Features Roberts
'ALL TtfE QOOD OE^LS AfRL 'T A X E ^f'
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The Oregon Association o f M inor­
ity Entrepreneurs (OAME) will feature
gubernatorial candidate Barbara Roberts
as speaker at their morning Coffee and
Issues forum on Septem ber 28, 1990.
Roberts will address issues of con­
cern to ethnic minority businesses, in­
cluding obstacles and indigenous to
minority business, accessibility of Roberts
as G overnor, and her com m itm ent to ap­
pointm ents o f Minority Business com ­
munity members to key business and in-
dustry boards and commissions.
OAM E, a non-profit organization
which promotes and develops minority
entrepreneurship in the State of Oregon,
meets monthly to bring monthly to bring
minority and non-minority business to­
gether to increase com munication and
develop business networks.
The September “ Coffee and Issues”
will m eet at 7:00 a.m. at the new Oregon
Convention Center, Rooms C23 & C24.
BROADW AY BRIDGE
CLOSURE:
Multnomah County announces the clo­
sure of the Broadway Bridge, Sun­
day, Septem ber 30, 1990, from 8:30
a.m. to 1:00 p.m. to river and vehicu­
lar traffic. The closure is for the an­
nual Oregon Road Runners Club
Portland Marathon.
PORTLAND O BSER V ER
'The Eyes and Ears of the Community
O ffice: ( 5 0 3 )2 8 8 -0 0 3 3
F a x # : (5 0 3 )2 8 8 -0 0 1 5
Please send me more information and a membership packet. I don’t want to let this
unique opportunity pass me by. I have enclosed $2.00 for shipping and handling.
N am e:_____________________________________ Male___ Female___
Add ress: ___________________ _________________________________
C ity/St ate/Z i p: ________________ ________________________________
I certify that I’m 21 years of age or older, single, and African American.
Si g natu re: ____________________________________________________
African American Singles Network, P.O. Box 12514, Portland, OR 97212,
(503)293-7979
A
...A nd Justice For All
11
W ell, now , it seems that each
week I com plain about som ething d if­
ferent in my c o lu m n -n o , I take that
back, each week I com plain about the
same thing, the governm ent, but I often
toss in a few com plaints about most
anything else that happens to bother my
idealistic mind. Anyhow, it's time for a
break from the day-to-day drudgery of
bad news and time (or...no, really, it
exists...GOOD NEW S. This will have
to com e entirely from the depths o f my
mind, because I don't recall having picked
up a new spaper or w atching television
lately (as in, say, the last three years)
and finding a shred o f positive view ­
points.
1 shouldn't have to do this, you
know: there arc plenty o f things appar­
ent in your life that are positive. But
living in a less-than-ideal society (okay,
strike one, sorry for that negativity), the
grim side o f things tends to be stressed.
I think it's gotten to the point where we
all com e home from work and blam e the
dog for bark'ng rather than being happy
h cw aso n ly barking a greeting. Y es,our
glasses arc indeed half em pty, but try to
look for the half full part,too.
r m
by Angelique Sanders
Now, I adm it you're probably
already having doubts about this col­
umn. You are probably scratching your
chin and saying, "It's a lot SHORTER
than her negative columns..." I truly am
sorry for this. I w asn’t short on positiv­
ity, but the paper WAS short on space. I
prom ise I'll do a uplifting column from
tim e to time.
One more aside: people like to
shrug their shoulders at my som etim es
unbearably coach-like prep: "C'mon,
let's get this country in gear!" They
som etim es even slap me with "America:
love it or leave it.” Come on, now , get
real: do you leave your home when the
electricity shorts out, or your toilet gargles
day and night? Nope, you set out to fix
those problems. If I seem to never let off
about what could be fixed here and there
in our shared country, bear with me: if
I didn't feel the U.S. was worth it, I
would have left long before now.
First, let's examine the prob­
lem o f people com m itting crime. O bvi­
ously, that's a negative thing, but don't
get bogged down by the thought of crime:
after all, most people DON'T com m it
crim e; you yourself probably (hope­
1
fully) do not com m it crim e, and you're
probably actually very rarely m ugged or
such. For everyone who com m its crime
, there are many people w ho are kind,
giving people (think o f your friends,
unless o f course you're a m ugger in a
bad crowd). M aybe somebody helped
you out with bus change last week, or
told you when you dropped something,
or donated an organ for a relative of
yours. There ARE good people out
there, and if good people ever become
rarer than bad, you'll be hearing about
them in the media instead o f the m urder­
ers!
O ur justice system is-y o u
guessed it! - f a r from perfect, but at least
we live in a country that tries its citizens
close to fairly, rather than shtxxing anyone
suspected o f anything.
I'm about out o f space, but I
will continue this next week if nothing
earth-shakingly new sw orthy happens
before W ednesday.
*****
This week's item should com e from your
own head: I w ant you to reflect for a
mom ent on the best th ing that happened,
even if it's now, just sitting pcacably.
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in a hurry
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Our tremendously successful
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Express Bids end the usual Ill-day
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So if you're looking lor a real home-
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Express your bid on a H IT ) home It s
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Home Team" advantage!
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