Page 8—The Portland Observer- September 12, 1990
Internal Strength
At left: Portland Trail Blazer star Buck
Williams (right) and former Blazer Mau­
rice Lucas (center) listen as Dr. Jan
Bays (left) describes Emanuel Lewis'
CARES program. The Blazers are in
town to help raise money for hospital
programs at a gala on September 15.
Tickets are S125, and Emanuel Lewis
hopes to raise $50,000. For ticket infor­
mation, call the hospital.
At right: The NBA greats shoot baskets
with the pediatrics children, at an out­
door courtyard at the hospital. Before
leaving, they signed autographs for the
children, and talked with reporters.
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 2
My little girl underwent a battery of
tests. This time, a spinal and a bone mar­
row specimen was taken. They finally
found the problem. It was through the
bone marrow specimen that they had
discovered the culprit. My little girl had
cancer. Her little bones were infected
with 95% of the cancer cells. It was eat­
ing her up inside.
At this point, I’d almost lost every­
thing 1 knew to be sanity. The doctors
rushed us to the hospital and began to
explain how difficult it was for them to
find this strain of cancer and how it so
closely resembled the “ common cold” .
I was mad as hell! We had been back
and forth to those doctors for months. No
one had even though of this. How could
this be? The doctor explained, * ‘We never
want to think of the worst, right off. If the
diagnosis is incorrect, then the child would
have gone through some very painful
tests unnecessarily.”
We were given the chances of her
survival, if treatment was not started im­
mediately. And how her chances would
be following treatment. Decisions had to
be made as to what treatment plan should
be taken. This was one that had to be
made by the parent because the doctors,
in these cases, couldn’t make the deci­
sive authorization. I had the doctor to
explain the treatments to me and to choose
the most expeditious. The treatment which
was chosen was one that was relatively
new to the United States but had been
successfully used in Germany for years.
The doctor intimated, to me, that this
was the treatment that he would have
chosen.
The following Tuesday, we made a
call to San Francisco. In San Francisco,
the center for deciding which plan to go
with was located. It was also the place
that came up with the German plan.
Later on, I found out that this center has
a computer that can be fed information
concerning a person’s symptoms and it
selects the appropriate treatment method.
The computer made the same selection
for treatment that I had chosen.
It was late Friday evening, by the
time we had checked into the hospital.
Monday was Martin Luther King, Jr’s
birthday and just about every business
was closed. I couldn’t contact San Fran­
cisco before Tuesday.
For fourteen days, I felt like I was in
hell. Day and night, I watched as my
little one suffered. She cried because of
the pain the cancer caused, from having
to be poked and prodded, from being
transported from one exam room and,
then, to another for spinal taps.
I felt as if mu faith was weakening.
I just couldn’t seem to focus on prayer,
anymore. It seemed like my brain was in
a vice. I had no direction. Only pain!
Sometimes all I could say was, “ I need
more strength” , and I hoped that god
was hearing me.
Those first couple-of months, we
both went through hell. I ended up with
tunnel vision, as far as my little girl was
concerned. I didn’t...I couldn’t do any­
thing but take care of my child and learn
all that I could learn about childhood
cancers. I took in massive amounts of
information. Before she was released
from the hospital, I was able to give her
her injections and her IV meds. To me,
no one else was gentle enough to or
concerned enough to rescue my child
from all unnecessary pain; The doctors
and nurses allowed me to practice with
them suing saline solution injections.
Following three months, she was
back on her feet and showing signs of
remission. I, on the other hand, lost all
my strength and, what seemed to be, all
my faith. I had to surrender myself to the
doctors’ care. I, now, needed help. The
doctors explained to me that I had had a
mental collapse when I went into the
“ tunnel vision” mode and I had directed
all my energies to my child. After she
was out of immediate danger, I sustained
a relapse in the form of “ not being fo­
cused” . The doctors explained how some
people can survive extremely stressful
situations and then collapse after the
danger has passed. That’s what I did.
My little one is still in chemo ther­
apy. She is looking and feeling much
better. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve
gone full circle with myself, the cancer
and how life must go on for all of us.
I’ve met other parents who have lost
their children to cancer and others who
are expecting to , in the near and not so
near future. I am not planning to place
myself in an “ expectation” mode that
will see me losing my little girl.
My faith has increased and is stronger
than ever. My daughter is a fighter. What
do 1 expect? I expect her to grow up and
live as normal a life as she possibly can.
Maybe-someday, she will even give me
grandchildren.
We all have to face our final mo­
ments but I won’t dwell on mine and
neither will I dwell on her’s.
Benjamin Franklin
has disappeared.
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