Page 6
T h e Pon
nd Observer July 18, 1990
HERS O P IN IO N
HIS
Why Date White When You Plan To Marry Black?
By Ullysses Tucker, Jr.
by Vickie Hughes
M any Black women choose to
date w hite men because there is a short-
age o f Black men ino urso cie ty. A large
percentage o f Black men are behind
bars, strung out on drugs, or w ithout a
permanent jo b . Nevertheless, there are
some decent Black men out there who
are s till single. D o n ’t use the fact that
there is a shortage o f good Black men as
an excuse to date w hite men.
Several Black men date white
wom en. W hat’ s their excuse? I ’ve
heard many w hite women have money,
are stupid, and w ill give them anything
they want. Black m en-would you marry
someone that you perceive to be this
way? W hy take advantage o f someone
you plan to dum p when you get tired o f
them? It sound to me like Black men
have no respect fo r white women so why
date them i f you want to spend the rest o f
yo ur life w ith a Black woman.
In many cities across the coun­
try, including Portland, the ratio o f Black
women to Black men is 9:1, 13:1, and
even 20:1. M y advice to you, Black
men, is to find one o f these Black women.
M any o f us are searching fo r and just
w aiting patiently for a good Black man
to come along.
Since I ’ ve lived in Portland,
I ’ ve seen many Black men w alk right
past a group o f Black women in social
situations, only to w alk straight to white
women. Brothers, there is no reason for
this. We outnumber you. You never
hear anyone say that there is a shortage
o f Black women. Surely you find some
o f us to be attractive, intelligent, and
friendly. Or, do you?
Whenever I see a Black woman
w ith a white man, the Black woman is
usually very attractive as is the white
man and the white man usually has an
excellent job. I f I see a Black man w ith
a white woman, the Black man looks
like a decent person and the white woman
is usually unattractive, overweight, or
dressed inappropriately; in other words
“ tacky” . I feel that many Black men
settle fo r any white woman just because
she is “ w hite ” . Something is wrong
w ith this picture!
A few weeks ago, I was ap­
proached by a white male at a social
event that attracted a predominantly white,
middle-class crowd. M y first reaction
was to ask this man why he chose me
over a w hite woman attending the event.
He said that he found me attractive and
I wondered in what way. This man
knew nothing about me, I was not dressed
promiscuously, and he had never dated a
Black woman. Hmm...I had to ask myself,
“ W hy date a white man when I plan to
marry a Black man?” Needless to say,
I did not get involved w ith this man.
W hile livin g in Chicago a few
years ago, I watched an Oprah W infrey
show that focused on interracial couples.
The question raised was, “ W hy date
someone outside o f your race?” Some
o f the responses were unbelievable. One
person even said that he/she does it for
fun. But what happens i f that fun turns
into love. Are you going to be able to
break o ff your relationship w ith your
partner just because it has gotten too se­
rious and you don’ t plan to marry out­
side o f your race? You are playing with
someone else’s emotions, even your own.
Interracial dating is becoming
more and more popular these days. I
often wonder why. D on ’t getme wrong!
I am not totally against interracial dat­
“ ...I love you because yo u ’re white,
ing for those who can accept the other
not because you’re charming or bright.
person fo r who he/she really is, w hile at
Your whiteness is a s ilky thread snaking
the same time, can maintain his/her own
through my thoughts in redhot patterns
true identity. However, i f these interra­ o f lust and desire. I hate you because
cial relationships become interracial
you’re white. Y our white meat is night­
marriages, we must consider the prod­
mare food. W hite is the skin o f e vil.
ucts o f these m arriages-the children. I
Y o u ’re m y M oby D ick, w hite W itch,
have friends who are products o f these
symbol o f the rope and hanging tree, o f
marriages who have adjusted just fine. I
the burning cross. Loving you thus and
have friends in interracial marriages
hating you so, m y heart is tom in two.
whoscchildren have turned out ju s tfin e .
C rucified....” To a White G irl, By E ld ­
But what about those children who are
ridge Cleaver, Soul On Ice.
not accepted by their w hite or Black
peers because they don’ t fit totally into
either group. Some o f these children
never know who they really are. W hat
This is a very strong poem from a
do you plan to tell your children when
very d iffic u lt period fo r black people
they come home from school crying
and the United States. Vietnam , black
because they have no friends? W hat do
leadership dying in the streets, the riots
you plan to tell your ch ild when he/she
and extreme hatred fo r white Am erica.
comes to you and asks, “ W ho am I? ”
This poem indicates some strong inner
You may be strong enough and have co nflict and love by the black man fo r
enough self-esteem and pride to talk
the white woman. How can a black man
about your own race but could you explain
love a woman so much and hate her at
the other h a lf o f your c h ild ’ s heritage.
the same time? Before I address the
You did not grow up w ith that heritage,
topic o f w hy someone w ould date white
you only dated or married into it. How
when they are going to marry black, I
can you explain it?
w ill attempt to explain the historical re­
Before we enter into an interra­
lationship between black men and white
cial relationship, le t’ s think about the
women.Though m y observations do not
consequences o f and reasons behind this
speak fo r a ll black men, hopefully, I can
involvem ent. O ur motives may not be
shine some ligh t on a situation that some
the best reasons to begin this relation­
m ight not be aware o f o r never consid­
ship. There w ill always be single people
ered.
in every race that exists. I f you plan to
D uring slavery, the self-esteem o f
marry someone in your own race, look
the black man was trampled in the mud
w ith in your own race. Don ’ t date some­
by the slave owners w ith public h u m ili­
one o f another race and then decide to
ation, death, and other acts o f violence.
back uot because it has gone too far and
Furthermore, the slave owners abused
you never intended to marry someone
black women psychologically, physi­
who docs not share your same heritage.
cally, and em otionally, fran kly put, the
A t that point, it may already be too late.
black man was helpless when it came to
defending his black woman. The slave
owner could rape black women, father
half-breed children, and destroy a black
fa m ily w ith a b ill o f sale. He operated
above the law because he wrote the law.
Some black men attempted to protect
their women and many were humbled by
the crack o f a w hip. Yes, the slave owner
had a free run through the slave quarters,
but let Ms. Sally (the w hite women)
come up pregnant by M andingo and all
hell broke loose on the plantation. The
white woman was the forbidden fru it,
pure, the standard o f beauty established
by the system, and placed on the pedes­
tal by the w hite man.
In many ways, Ms. Sally (or the
white woman) was in A W E by the en­
durance or a b ility o f the black man to
tolerate the pain/punishment inflicte d
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by the slave owner, his sexual powers,
and his w ill to survive. By the same
token, the black man developed an in ­
tense desire fo r “ an object” (the white
woman) that could actually cost him his
life . In the process, the slave owner
would probably hurt other innocent people
(or slaves) trying to find out who slept
w ith his woman. Remember the scene is
Robert Tow nsends'H ollyw ood Shuffle,
when “ M andingo” ran away from the
plantation? R igh t behind him struggled
“ tw o sisters” and Ms. Sally (the white
woman). A ll begged “ M andingo” to
save them from the dogs and slave hunt­
ers hot on their trail. A fte r a s p lit second
o f contemplation, “ M andingo” pulled
Ms. Sally up the h ill and le ft the “ sis­
ters” behind to be captured. W hy not
grab one o r both o f the “ sisters” ? D id
the attraction between black men and
w hite women developed because they
were encouraged to stay away from each
other? Was this a dysfunctional sexual
attraction?
For whatever reasons fo r the attrac­
tion, it s till exists today and the issue o f
inter-racial dating/marriages has divided
many fam ilies. Some black men con­
tend that black women are too angry and
aggressive fo r them, often labeled as
non-supportive and insensitive to his
struggle w ith the w hite system. On the
other hand, the w hite woman is suppose
to be more loving, supportive, and un­
derstanding. Some even contend that the
white system would have never pro­
gressed this far w ithout the w hite woman
playing such a submissive role. Whether
it is wrong or not, it is easy to see how
passive-aggressive behavior patterns can
h it it o ff and vice versa. The oppressed
black man, hooking up w ith a loving and
supportive woman, sounds like a natural
i f you understand m y premise. I t ’ s also
easy how a sister m ight not have the tim e
to stroke the “ black mans ego” sim ply
because she was busy trying to hold
down the fo rt or keep the fa m ily to­
gether. N ow that we both can stand up
and speak, we should do it together. You
can not understand where you are today
unless you understand your history. When
you reflect fo r a moment, slavery was
not really that long ago and I s till think
black people are carrying emotional scars/
baggage that affect relationships and
own some o f those slave values/morals.
W hy a person dates white know ing
fu ll w ell that they w ill marry black is
beyond m y comprehension or intellect,
that’ s i f it is on a conscious level. Some
black men can do it out o f frustration,
This Week In History
A t long last, here is the twenty-
year block fro m 1971-1990.
J u ly 22, 1971: In response to Vice
President Agnew ’ s derrogatory remarks
on Black leaders (which were made five
days earlier), Representative C lay says
that Agnew is “ seriously i l l ” and has
“ symptoms o f intellectual m is fit” .
J u ly 20, 1972: Census Bureau reports
that its statistics show that the Black
fa m ily is becoming poorer.
J u ly 19, 1973: The Canadian squash
racquet team announces its withdraw al
from the South A frican championships
because o f South A fric a ’ s segregation
policies.
J u ly 20,1974: James E. Baker, the first
U.S. Black diplom at to serve in South
A frica , announces his plans to take up
duties as a member o f the U.S. United
Nations delegation.
J u ly 19,1975: The government in South
African announces its plans to establish
“ rehabilitation institutes” in Black
homelands for those who violate laws
governing black em ploym ent and
migration...these camps can lock up a
Black A frican for up bto three years
w ithout a trial, an article in Rand D aily
M ail likens the institucs to Soviet con­
centration camps.
J u ly 21, 1976: South A fric a ’ s govern­
ment accedes to pressure from the Black
com m unity and agrees to imm ediately
reopen its Johannesburg and Pretoria
schools (350,000 Black students had
been tem porarily barred from their edu­
cation).
J u ly 24,1977: National Urban League
executive director Vernon Jordan ac­
cuses the Carter adm inistration o f fa ll­
ing short on Black issues. (A poll held
soon after by CBS showed that 21 % o f
Black citizens were dissatisfied w ith his
bitterness, anger at the white system, or
because he sees the white woman as
more supportive than black women.
Perhaps, black women could be more
supportive i f 43% o f the male prison
population was not black men, or i f 98%
o f a ll blacks k ille d last year were not
k ille d by other blacks. I f black males
want support, not sympathy, they must
at least be around to give and get the
same thing, especially when there are
kids involved.
Though there is s till plenty o f ra­
cism in Am erica, to be honest, I thought
that m arrying someone or dating some­
one outside o f your race w ould be a non­
issue, one o f those elements in society
you ju s t learn to accept. There are just
too many other problems to w orry about
beside w ho someone decides to marry or
w hy. I ’ m talking about unemployment,
crim e, the drop-out-rate, drug abuse,and
a host o f other evils that exist today. I
have no idea what color the person I
decide to m arry w ill be. I w ould prefer a
black woman. Love is a w onderful thing
that no one is suppose to have control
over when it happens. To say what color
I am going to m arry w ould be lim itin g
m y chances (consciously) or choices o f
whom I could fa ll in love w ith. Love is
deeper than that o r is it? For p olitical and
other reasons that go hand in hand w ith
m y sense o f social responsibility, there
is nothing greater than my desire to build
a strong black fa m ily and be a positive
role model fo r m y black children in the
future. I f it does not happen, am I less
than a man fo r m arrying someone out­
side o f m y race? I can s till be a good
father and role model. When you decide
to make a marriage choice outside o f
your race, ju s t be prepared to deal w ith
the drama or adversity associated w ith
that choice.
Black people w ill continue to date
whites know ing fu ll w ell that they w ill
not marry them. So w ill other races.
Italians, Jews, Asians, Mexicans, and a
host o f other races date outside o f their
own kind know ing fu ll w e ll that it is
dead end. Be it fo r sex, money, to buy
tim e, or curiosity, a ll races are g u ilty o f
this lifestyle. I f you love someone, match
up spiritually and intellectually with them,
then fo r go fo r it. I could care less who
you date or marry. A ll I ask is that you be
sincere and not consciously abuse some­
one. A ll races have feelings. It is my
opinion that i f you do not care fo r the
other person, regardless o f their color,
don’t waste your time or theirs in a
meaningless encounter.
saiXSliquc
performance.)
J u ly 22, 1978: N A A C P announces its
campaign to lobby Congress and Car­
te r’ s Cabinet to push the importance o f
A ffirm a tiv e A ction program s...little did
they know their efforts would be undone
a few years later when Reagan quashed
many o f the remaining A A programs.
J u ly 23, 1979: Senator Edward Ken­
nedy speaks at the N U L ’ s annual con­
vention in Chicago, stressing a variety
o f Black issues.
J u ly 23, 1980: Com m unity activists
and Black policemen meet from across
the U.S. meet to develop their own rec­
ommendations fo r heading o ff c iv il dis­
orders in the nation’ s slums.
J u ly 21, 1981: Mrs. Eula McClaney,
form er sharecropper in Alabama who
had since become a wealthy business­
woman, announces she w ill present a
collection o f her m em orabilia to the
New Y ork Public L ib ra ry ’s Schomburg
C ollection for Research in Black C u l­
ture.
J u ly 18,1982: Charles Robberts Swart,
South A fric a ’ s first State President and
participant in drafting in some o f the
nation’ s apartheid laws, dies.
J u ly 18,1983: U.N. Secretary General
Javier Perez de Cuellar weighs visiting
southern A frica to tty to break deadlock
on independence for South-West A f ­
rica; he would meet w ith South A frican
Prime M inister Botha and w ith leaders
o f other factions.
J u ly 18,1984: An article on S.C. Hem ­
ingway appears in the New Y ork Times.
J u ly 24, 1985: Black economists Pro­
fessor Glenn Loury and Bernard A n ­
dersen debate during N U L conference,
on the topic o f, whether preferential
treatment helps or hinders Blacks.
J u ly 21,1986: Analysis o f new Census
Bureau report shows a dramatic dispar­
ity in assets between whites and Blacks
in U.S. (and I ’m betting they spent more
time arriving at that conclusion than the
government spent on trying to eliminate
the problem).
J u ly 19, 1987: Randall Alan Norton
and his brother Roger Dale Norton are
charged w ith assaulting a c iv il rights
marcher in Cummings, Georgia, half o f
a year after the fact.
J u ly 18, 1988: Pro-government A fr i­
kaner newspaper Bceld boldly calls for
the release o f Nelson Mandela.
J u ly 23, 1989: This is the 25th anniver­
sary i f the murder o f c iv il rights workers
Schwcmer, Chancy, and Goodman in
Mississippi.
J u ly 18-25, 1990: What happens this
week to make it memorable in African
American history has yet to be seen. It
may be something small, such as a rally;
it may be something tremendous, such
as Mandela making headway toward
South A frican desegregation. Maybe
we can make this the week...
If any o f those summaries piqued
your interest, the fu ll stories can be
found in the New York Times microfilm
in the main library. (Don’t forget to
look in the paper for the day after the
event.) O h ,T ue sda y-in case you didn’t
hcar-w as Nelson Mandcla’ s72nd birth­
day. D id you know that while he wa.
jailed, the government deemed it ille
fo r A fric a ’ s citizens to celebrate hi
birthday? .but we live in America
i f you d id n ’t do anything m rccognit -
yesterday, take a minute to mentj
thank your African brother that is f, •
ing for equality, not solely on I
turf, but earth-wide. He has pa„. „ / ‘
Price for justice, and keeps fightm«
in his seventh decade o f file
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