Page 4, Portland Observer, December 17, 1986 TEN TIPS FOR A HAPPIER MARRIAGE At least one in every five U S couples needs professional counseling But the good news is that marital therapy does and can help Stud.i Show that the relationships of about two thirds of those who get counseling do improve - both in their own judgment and by objective measures of marital satisfaction Marital therapists recommend the following 10 ways sparring couples can improve their marriages 1 Focus on what's good Many people see only the bad things One counselor suggests couples swap compliments for five minutes every evening 2 Stop recycling gripes Some people have the same ritual fight over and over about money, sex. in laws, etc You can't keep attacking a spouse 3 Get rid of ghosts Fights frequently stem from past experiences Rituals remembered from childhood, such as who made breakfast in the morning, often carry over into marriages with disastrous effects The only way out is to ask Why are we acting like this? 4 Set rules for defusing anger Fighting as long as it is not violent is not necessarily bad. therapists say Spouses should he able to get problems off their chests without ruining their marriages But once the heat is off. try sitting down and talking the issue through 5 Negotiate for what you want One effective approach is to offer your mate what he or she wants in return 6 Rewrite the script for situations you don't like Once you can imagine a solution to a problem, you can overcome almost anything 7 Look for the problem behind the problem. What couples think is wrong may be just a symptom of a bigger concern Maybe they have not been communication or have not adjusted to a move or a new baby 8 Don't let small things loom large. Uncapped toothpaste tubes, socks left on the floor such things can break up a marriage if you let them People have to ask themselves why they allow little things to become intensely irritating 9 Take regular "temperature readings " Set aside a period every week to share your thoughts, complaints, hopes, wishes and dreams 10 If your spouse won't see a therapist, go on your own Mates often follow out of cunousrty or just to tell his or her side of the story Regardless, even one person can make a difference For a free reprint of "Ten Tips for a Happier Marriage ' send a self addressed, stamped envelope to : Reprint Manager. R1 1, Reader's Digest Box Pleasantville. N Y 10570 Lillian Elvolia Dean Obituary Funeral services for Lillian Elvolia Dean were held December 17. 1986 at Morning Stai Baptist Church at t 00 p.m for a devoted charter member Photo taken 1958 Mrs Lillian Dean, the beloved wife of Clark Dean. Jr , died December 12, 1986, and was a resi . C’s WIGS A L IE N TEM PLE CM E C H U R C H 4 C orner of Bih en d S k id m o re Sondey S< hool 9 1 m VAoVida'/ S u 'x lly Worship 11 (JO e m Chnetien Youth (»• o w sh ip S O O r m (* •( orw1 end fourth Sunday«) SpeC'a' P h illip S N elso n (P a sto r) W EAVING HAIR p e d a te V °U r6uS), % Bulk P»Y fis«nt $23 45 b up BrttyCiOirw P’opneto' (long or specialty styles slightly higher) B R A ID S $2.95 Children's Holiday Party The ?8th Jimmy "Bang Bang" Walker Youth Group Children s Holiday Party will be held at the Jefferson High School Auditorium. December 20th at 12 noon. The children will see cartoons and movies, will sign songs, and will re ceive a Christmas stocking and treats The event is free for the community J Zell Walker is President of the Jimmy "Bang Bang" Walker Youth Group and this event is being chaired by Ron'ee Walker Come |oin the fun and bring your friends 5 0 3 -2 2 8 -3 0 0 9 p\ah Hair W ig Styling $7 50 AND UP Protesters picketed at FUR System s. Inc., in Tigard last Thursday FUR System s. In c., m anufactures infra red night vision scanners and the com pany has sold four of the units to the El Salvadorian Air Force The units are m ounted on helicopters and used to detect body heat to aid in the m achine gunning and bom bing of civilians in El Salvador. Photo by Richard J. Brown m u u m io *. ositsuo m i mx t rsiaixsiosM stmi INU SANCÌ (.LAIXt A t o m o si datio n m s s í n m t ih u t i i v t s HI-SDtU t SSIO rsio« TUTSI ATM! NT USA M e stis i ASO M W rATIINTS W IU.OMIO All SI S IIM.S — A AIIOATI O SASSIM. O H IO HIM SS MOMIAS SAT! SOAS X AM I SM (VENINOS AS Alt AMI ADA M IM I K Dr. Edward G. Ward Hum an $18 5 0 b up or by the ft $4 8 up b . NAOMI SIMS ANOMI DOUGLAS NAT A l K COL I » MMLMAIl W ttX S E D W A R D E . W A R D , DMD GENERAL DENTISTRY DENTAL CARE FOR THE WHOLE FAM ILY1 610 SW Alder, suite 1008 dent of Portland. Oregon, since 1929 She was the daughter of Mahalia and Robert Shelton, and was bom in Austin. Texas January 15. 1906 Her surviving daughters aie dei nice Pollock. Jacqueline Brim, Marian Benton. Charlotte Lewis, arid Lucille Rose She was surroun ded by the affection of 15 grand children, 19 great grandchildren. and a host of cousins, nieces and nephews Lillian Dean was past Matron of Queen Esther Chapter No 4 of the Order Eastern Star Prince Hall. Rite ol Adoption. California Jurisdiction ,sta,b'# M exican Fiesta. Dec 30 10 AM 12 30 PM Peninsula Park Community Center 6400 N Albina Ayes 5 10 Start the new year with a fiesta mask making, Mexican flowers, food specialties, and more Fee is $6 THE M O U N T OLIVET BAPTIST CHURCH N E F irs t b S c h ty le r • 7 8 4 1954 Affordable J. J. Lock it Key lohn H J*, »«un MmiStSW M ( i l M D 9 M) A M Church School 11 00 A M Conyreysbonel AnfShip S (JO P M Vesper Servit» 10 1 A • w r t