Page 2 Portland Observer, February 9, 1983
Valentine's Day: Holiday for lovers
Love, respect hold family together
by Lamia Duka
G ra s tro o l N tw s, N . H i — Black
male/female realtionships arc under
the kind of pressure« that would de­
stroy a nation. When you run across
a couple that has survived two
decades and a h a lf, w ell, that is
something to write about. Jesse and
Shirley Rogers are that couple. They
met in the ’ 50s during high school.
Shirley says they started out in a
group as friends.
“ We would spend lime bumming
around together. So, I don’t know
what happened but one night I end­
ed up with Jesse and we’ve been to­
gether ever since.’ ’ Jesse has a d if­
ferent recollection o f the chain of
events. “ When I first met Shirley
she was playing hard to get. And I
began to wonder and care for her.”
The element that Shirley admired
about Jesre was his toughness.
“ Jesse tried to be hard to get along
with. I grew up with a guy like that
— my father. So, I had to show him
he wasn't so d ifferen t after all.
When he fell in love I know he felt
like a ton of bricks. He was kinda a
cold-blooded dude and I knew he
could weather any storm."
Jesse says. “ Love grew on me
with Shirley. The longer we stayed
together the more I depended on
her. I was always in love with her
because I still feel the same way
about her now as I did then. Now, I
think my feelings are stronger be­
cause we have become that ultimate
thing. The two o f us have become
one."
Jesse added. “ I was tired of
running around. You get in the
streets and you have to go back out.
What you left is still out there. I be­
came disgusted with the streets. I
wanted something different. So, I
got married. Quiet as it’s kept, after
I got married my wife put me out of
the house for staying home too
much."
Shirley responded, “ 1 thought
that guys were supposed to go out
with the guys. I found out there was
not reason to go out with the guys or
the girls when you have a mate.”
Mrs. Rogers' first priority was her
children. " I really wanted kids bad­
ly. I loved children. N ow , Jesse
didn't care that much for children,
but he loved me and accommodated
me. I was very happy with my kids
II ■ 1
II jl / ’ V
wl
1
parents I did. It took me some time
to grow out of that. But I didn't be­
lieve in holding on to my kids so
they couldn't survive. I think every
parent should raise their children
for the w orld and not for them ­
selves."
The Rogers have pushed their
young from the nest. What is differ­
ent about their relationship? " I t is
back to where it started,” Jesse be­
gins. " It is a lot different. Now, we
haqve to readjust our priorities. We
have to have more communications
now because it ’s just you and her.
You must think of one another. I f I
go out with the fellows she is home
by herself. Is she goes out than I'm
home by m yself. So you have to
make readjustments."
Jesse and Shirley made the read­
justments and the Rogers fam ily
survived. How do they feel about
the pressure on today's black cou­
ple? Shirley answers, “ I t ’ s a very
bad time for black marriages. I f
black women aren ’ t careful the
white man will get what he wants.
That is for the black woman to be
herself. I feel very sad that in
Portland, Oregon, our young black
men are so stupid, as far as knowing
how to get a job and taking care of
their behinds. These men are look­
ing to be pretty and playing that
¿ R a lp h 's
pimp scene. That is stupid to me and
I just don't see how some o f them
could be so stupid. That is hurting
the black family structure. I ’ m just
very grateful that Jesse and I have
weathered all the storms."
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txurant
2005 N.E. 40th
Portland, OR 97212
249-1888
We Deliver
Anywhere
RUNYAN'S
STORE
Year* of marrlad Ufa hava brought Shiriay and Jaaaa Rogers cloeer
(Photo: Richard J. Brown)
and I gave them everything I could
give them. I loved Jesse but my chil­
dren came first.”
Jesse agrees. "She began to give
all her attention to the kids.
A lthough I always believed that
nothing should come between you
and your mate— your mate is always
first. You need your mate to accom­
plish all the things you need and
want. When we started to have chil­
dren, Shirley started to change. I
think that, too, is natural. Mama is
always flocking after the kids. Now,
you should never push your mate
out for your kids. You and your
mate w ill be together the rest o f
your life where your children will
leave."
What type of pressure did money
Treat your Valentine to
Steak & Lobster
Tonight, why not treat yourself and your Valentine to a
delicious Steak & Lobster Dinner at the
rustle *
You'll get a juicy rib-eye steak, cooked just the way you like it,
and two slipper lobster tails. Plus a baked potato or French
Fries, a roll, and our all you can eat Salad Bar. All this for
pose to the Roger family? " In our
marriage we had some hell of o pres­
sure put on us. We never had a
whole lot o f money. One lim e we
were on $29 a week. But we were to­
gether. We put a lot o f our money
on the kids because they didn’t ask
to be brought here. If you are really
a together family, that is, when you
all stick together so you can make it.
We became closer during the hard
times."
.
The Rogers have developed a
unique line o f communications.
"W e felt that we could always say
what we wanted to one another.
Other poeple would come around us
and they thought we were fighting
all the time. What we could say to
one another and laugh about not
everyone could say those things to
their mates." Shirley remarks. "The
one thing about Jesse and myself is
negative and positive together. I
have never agreed with Jesse on too
many things, other than the fact
that I love him. If he was positive I
was negative. And that is how we
hung in there all these years.”
What was the major crisis in their
marriage that had to be overcome?
Shirley answers, " I had to overcome
the fact that 1 wanted a lot of mater­
ial things and Jesse was not going to
get them for me. I d id n ’t want to
keep up with the Joneses. 1 just
wanted
something
d iffe re n t.
Another element I had to overcome
was my selfishness with the ones I
love. Sometimes I didn’t let the kids
go outside to play because I wanted
them to myself. I couldn’ t hold
Jesse like that but my children and
9 0 0 5 46
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PRE
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So treat yourself and that special someone to dinner tonight
at the
«
The In tercultu ral Consortium
Forum (an association o f five
Oregon area institutions of higher
learning) will present Thara M em ­
ory. the multi-talented instrument­
alist, composer, conductor.. .and
his C reative Jazz Ensemble in a
series of lecture/performances dur­
ing February.
The events will be held on W ed­
nesday. February 9. at George Fox
in Newberg; Tuesday. February 15.
at Linfield College in McMinnville,
and Thursday. February 17,
Willamette University in Salem.
The Creative Jazz Ensemble,
whose repertoire includes all signifi­
cant areas of jazz as well as African,
rhythm and blues and classical, was
founded in 1975 by Memory, whose
demonstration of artistic excellence
and successful im plementation of
innovative projects has been most
impressive.
M em ory's group w ill feature
drummer Ron Steen during the lec­
ture/performances at Fox and W il­
lamette and bassist Lester McPhar-
lan is highlighted at the L in field
event
Old Spice
Soap/After Shave Set
R e g /D ry
5 year diaries
Pendant W atch es