8
TIIE MORNING ORE G ONI AN, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 1920
ESTABLISHED BI HENRY L. PITTOCK.
Fubllahed by The Oregonian Publishing Co,
136 Sixth a i reel, Portland. Oregon.
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SOME MORK WORDS OV SLISH AM)
SLVSIl FUNDS.
The term slush lends itself hap
pily to an appropriate characteriza
tion of the Cox bluster and fluster
about slush funds. It was a des
perate and discreditable effort of a
desperate and despairing' candidate
to find something to say to the riurt
of his opponent. Somehow the cam
paign has lost Us early aspect of
respectability and decency through
the Cox excursion into the dirt of
bar-room politics. In the mind of
every citizen worthy of his citizen
ship Is the picture of a candidate
for president who by his character,
his record and his methods will give
a healthy and elevating tone to pol
itics, conveying assurance to Amer
ica and to the world that the new
chief executive will measure up in
every sense to the, traditions, the re
sponsibilities, the duties and the dig
nities of high place indeed the
highest place .
No candidate can with safety to
himself risk shattering the image.
Cox has done it. He should never
have been led away from his first
obligation to keep the campaign on
high ground by discussing issues, ex
pounding principles, declaring poli
cies. If there was a slush fund, or
the reasonable suspicion of its ex
istence, he should have delegated
some other of his followers among
the committee officials to ascertain
the facts and expose them. But he
sets himself up as the chief witness
for the prosecution as well as the
prosecuting officer, and when he is
asked to go before the senate in
vestigating committee he invests
himself at once-with the protecting
cloak of a candidate's supposed pre
rogative, and stays away, leaving
others to make good what he from
the stump has charged, but cannot
prove, for the reason that it is not
provable.
But the senate committee is doing
a fairly good job in its investigation
. of campaign expenditures. It has
developed more than one fact of in
terest and importance as to the plans
of both great parties. Without con
sidering now the full scope and
weight of the Hays and Upham state
ments, it is well to suggest to the
public that it was given opportunity
to learn something about democratic
campaigns, now and heretofore,
which neither Mr. Cox nor any other
democratic candidate or official
would ever have told from the ros- !
trum. It is quite clean that the
democratic management, as early as
the summer of 1919, contemplated
the collection of a fund of J5, 000, 000
to $10,000,000 and an elaborate
money-collecting organization was
perfected, and installed in a building
at Washington, D. C, with several
hundred employes; but it was aban
doned only when it transpired that
the overhead expense was greater
by J10.000 to $15,000 per month than
the total amounts collected. No
wonder the high-geared plans were
suddenly changed and put on a pov
erty basis. The conclusion is cer
tain that if the money-getters had
been able to get what they went
after, they would have stuck by the
job. We are left to assume also
i that Mr. Cox would never have been
- so grieved and alarmed about any
mythical or hypothetical slush fund
if it had been a democratic fund.
Why they could not get it may be
another story. Nobody with a dollar
of his own, unless he was an ardent
last-ditch democrat, was willing to
give it up to an administration
which in taxes had already taken
from him much of what he had, and
in wasteful, prodigal and senseless
expenditure had dissipated a great
part of that systematically extracted
modicum of the citizen's income.
Where he had confidence, he lost it;
where he had no confidence, he
found it unnecessary and impossible
to change his point of view.
It was admitted by the democratic
financiers who were at the helm that
they had got $75,000 from one con
tributor in 1916, $50,000 from an
other (Barney Baruch), and $40,000
-. from another; and yet they are sure
that any republican who gives more
tnan $1000 is inspired by "sinister
intent" and has set out to "buy the
presidency and to settle industrial
controversies with the bayonet. The
productive and always accessible
.faaruch unbuttoned his capacious
pockets for the present campaign by
agreeing to finance publication and
distribution of a certain pamphlet at
tne cost of many thousand dollars.
; By the easy device of having Baruch
do it, the committee would have to
give no accounting.
; Nor is it necessary to keep a rec
ord of the millions of speeches and
, other propaganda sent out free in
the United States mails under con
gressional-franks. In this case Uncle
barn toots the bill. He pavs. too.
when hundreds and thousands of
federal office-holders take their feet
. down from their mahocanv desks
lock up, and give their time over to
- political service.
One democratic official was quite
; sure that $2,000,000 was enough for
- a democratic campaign, and $3,000,
000 too much for the republicans.
, . Yet the democrats own up to an
outlay of $2,300,000 .in 1916, when
"he kept us out of war." Having
. been Kept aut of war, the expense
"-."of living' has merely doubled in the
. interim and a $2,300,000 campaign
of four years ago would probably
r cost not more than $1,600,000 now.
... The modest witness who thought
$2,000,000 sufficient doubtless had
in mind the fact that the democrats
tart every campaign with a handi-
cap of ten or eleven democratic
states in the solid south, where fifty,
cent cotton and most of the office
holders come from, and where it is
unnecessary for any democrat to
spend a cent for a candidate on a
national ticket.
COMPARING THE CNCOMPARABIE.
The mathematical certainty With
which Mr. Gompers committee de
termined that Governor Cox is a bet
ter friend of labor than Senator
Harding will delight all those who
do not give a fig for logic.
Mr. Cox, we are told, signed - a
large number of measures in which
labor had friendly interest while he
was governor of Ohio. Mr. Hard
ing voted for certain measures in
the senate, in which labor was in
terested and voted against certaig
others. It is worth passing mention
that the measures Governor Cox
signed were passed by a republican
legislature. Certainly they were noi
political issues. Clearly the repub
lican legislature of Ohio was not
pouring water on a democrat's wheel.
But the great point from the anti
logicians' standpoint is that Senator
Harding had no opportunity to show
what he would have done had he
been governor of Ohio when the
same bills were passed, and Governor
Cox had no opportunity to express
his convictions on the measures tha
came before Mr. Harding as sen
ator. Nobody knows what either
would have done had hp been in the
other's shoes.
It is a new idea as to the suffi
ciency of tests. If it becomes popu
lar in other nespects we shall some
day hear that Smith is a better
farmer than Jones because he raised
more corn in Iowa than Jones raised
in Vermont; or that Jackson is a
better fisherman than Johnson be
cause he caught more salmon in the
Columbia river than Johnson caught
tuna fish off Catalina island; or that
Mary is a better cook than Jenny
because she baked a greater number
of successful pies than Jenny baked
angel cakes.
The art of comparing things that
are not comparable may be inter
esting but it is not informative.
SPEARING OF DISCREPANCIES.
By comparison, the discrepancy in the
Oreson quota is a small matter. And yet
it lias very great significance. Testifying
before the Investigating committee. Treas
urer Upham said the Oregon contributions
totaled $l?r51. State Chairman Tongue
In a public statement placed the Oregon
quota at S'JO.liOO. County Clralrman Day
said $20,000 had already been sent, and
National Committeeman Ralph Williams
placed the amount sent at between $20,000
and $-1,000. That Is to say, the sum sent
from Oregon was eight times as much as
Treasurer Upham, on oath, gave as the
Oregon amount to the investigating com
mittee. Portland Journal.
Being a small affair, it is mag
nified by prejudiced commentators
of the masquerading "independent"
stripe into a great affair. In this
instance special pains are taken to
ignore the fact that Treasurer Up
ham's report covered the period from
June 14, 1920, to August 26, 1920,
the former date being when the
present committee assumed charge
of the campaign.
The campaign to raise funds for
the national committee in Oregon
was carried forward last spring and
the money was sent in from time
to time. In all $20,000 was raised.
No doubt it was used in the com
mon fund necessary for legitimate
committee activities, such as the
expense of the national convention.
Of the $20,000 the sum of $2551
was turned over - between June 14
and August 26. It is all perfectly
clear and there is no possible excuse
for misunderstanding or misstate
ment about it.
But there is another discrepancy
in the little controversy over Oregon
funds which our neighbor, engaged
in the distasteful and enforced task
of promoting the Cox falsehood
about a $16,000,000 slush fund, con-
entionally passes by. Mr. Cox, quot-
ng from a fake and forged list, said
the quota for Portland was $50,000.
There is not a scintilla of proof for
his statement. The reason there is
no proof is that it is not true.
CONCERNING DOGS.
This genuine friendship between
folks and dogs is. too fine a thing to
be sprayed with toilet water. When
we learn that Paris is a scented
seventh heaven for shivering, pam
pered little curios of canine crea
tion, on whom silly and extravagant
women lavish the love that children
should receive, a wave of nausea
pervades our cosmos. There are
dainty little sets of dishes where
from these princelings of dogdom
are fed, and sweaters of wool and
broadcloth, and gold and silver col
lars set with jewels, and perfumed
soaps for the puppy's bath and
other costly equipment that bespeaks
tho degradation of the dog. France
is far away, and the follies of Paris
are light reading, but even here we
are not untainted with that strain
of neurotic nonsense that would
make the dog more of a parasite
than a pal.
Folks and dogs have been friends
for so long a time, and with such
mutual enjoyment and appreciation,
that it is a shameful thing to per
vert this' real companionship. The
memory of myriad dogs that served
us, and warded off our enemies, and
wagged their tails to the rout of
gloom, and sounded the joyous bark
of welcome or the deep-throated
growl of sacrificial battle, ft far
too precious a thing to be destroyed
by modern fad and caprice. The
world at large still knows and loves
a good dog, and it needs no finely-
bred exquisite to replace the towsled
f riends of the past and to lap daintily
at cream from choice china. The
taste of those we most admired ran
ever to bones, consumed with many
a lusty crunch and happy grumble
while the-sagacious eyes of the diner
roved the backyard for possible ag
gressors. '
Now a dog, to qualify as a dog,
does not need girth and substance.
He may be broa"d of shoulder and
heavy of haunch, with terrible jowls,
or little and slender and vivacious,
with a muzzle that fits in the palm.
But he must possess those tradi
tional requisites of the dog-soul,
courage and understanding, enter
prise and camaraderie. If in addi
tion to these the fates have given
him kindliness and laughter then is
his possessor numbered among the
favored. As for loyalty no specifi
cation is needed. It is the birth
right of the species, and won them
their places "by the fire. Even the
pampered canine pets of society
the soaped and scented little imita
tions of dogs are probably loyal.
Left to their own devices they might
recover their self-respect, and fare
forth and chase a cat and pick
fights with ponderous old mastiffs,
and speedily revert to type. If ever
there were sad dogs, cursed by kind
ness, these are the fellows.
Give us a dog, pedigree unimnor-
! taut, with a roving eye and a Jocular
bearing-, courageous but not quarrel
some, repentant for his misdemean
ors but never hopelessly sanctified
a dog to leap when you laugh and
to draw a long face, his sober old
head on your knees, when gloom
descends. Let this dog be such as
will delight in steak-bones and
sweet-cakes, but for all that a dog
not above exploring the democratic
depths of the trash-heap or racing
a rat to its haven,. - Let him, be sen
sible of his station, but not superior,
considerate of children and tolerant
of puppies, but hard of gaze and
bared of fang when prowlers come
or his equals snarl the challenge.
For such a dog there is ever a place
by the fire a nook in the heart.
He may dig in the garden and leave
venerable soup-bones on the front
lawn. The muddy feet of him may
be planted joyously on suit or frock.
Frequently he fosters fleas. Never
theless his master is a fortunate
man, blessed beyond others, and he
knows it.
A DREAM BRIDGE.
The proposed $6,000,000 Burnside
bridge, judging from the published
picture, would be commodious and
beautiful to look upon. We should
like to see such a bridge spanning
tha Willamette. But $6,000,000 is
a lot of money.
The structure it is designed to re
place cast, we believe, about $250,
000. Of course a. new one like it
would cost more now, but nothing
like $6,000,000. The present struc
ture is and has been for a long
time, the least used of the several
Portland bridges. Possibly if it were
replaced with so handsome a struc
ture as that proposed it would be
come the most popular of all because
of its beauty, and some day the pub
lic may be so plethoric and feel so
generous that it will jump at the
chance to pay $6,000,000 to please
the esthetic tastes of automobile and
truck drivers and of the many others
who can now hardly bear to go near
the river because of the skeleton
like appearance of the bridges.
Of course the public will not now
vote $6,000,000 for a bridge, beauti
ful or otherwise. It is folly 4o think
of it. The first year's interest charge
alone would more than pay the cost
Of the original Burnside bridge. Two
or three years' interest on $6,000,000
ought to build a bridge that would
care for all the traffic needs of that
locality for ten or fifteen years.
AN INDUSTRY FOR OUR CONVICTS.
Cruel and unusual punishment, in
deed, is that which decrees that in
mates of the Oregon penitentiary
shall serve their terms in idleness
for lack of the industrial employ
ment that other states provide for
convicts. No right-minded,' humane
citizen of Oregon can do otherwise
than approve the proposal that an
adequate legislative appropriation be
made for the establishment of a
prison industry. Time falls heavily
on the heads of the imprisoned, and
only the heartless will declare that
it is society's duty to add the extra
punishment of utter idleness.
In Reading Gaol, where he was
imprisoned for debt, Wilde wrote of
prison life with the certainty of
knowledge plus the inspiration of
genius. He commented upon the
singular obsession that each day was
like a year, a year whose days are
long, to those men who "rust life's
iron chain, degraded and alone."
There is no mawkish'' trend to the
sympathy that holds that the lot of
the convict, bitter as it is, should
not be further embittered. In the
solitude of their cells the prisoners
whittle at wooden toys and trinkets,
striving against the remorseless cur
rent of time that rolls over them.
Oregon once loaned Its convicts
through contract to a stove foundry,
and the imprisoned men were saved
from idleness. There were objec
tions to the system, more or less
valid, and it was discontinued. Since
then the use of convict labor in road
construction, one of the projects
utilized to fight idleness, has been
proved uneconomical. They have
been sent to the flax fields, but at
best this is only a stop-gap to the
current of enforced idleness. "What
these men need, while they are pay
ing their debts to society, is the
fortification of steady industry to
fend off the devils of introspection
and despair, to curb the inclination
to revolt, to render them of service
to themselves and to the state. They
are not wastage, to lie neglected un
til their terms expire. For the most
part they are men who will return
to the world, and the theory of their
punishment is that they shall return
as better men.
By all means let there be an in
dustry established In the Oregon
penitentiary. Only those who are
actually serving time' and counting
the dreary processional of days can
even guess the cruelty of idleness.
Interminably advancing the days
march down upon them, the days
that are longer than years.
BACK TO A NEW BOIL IN FRANCE.
The debt of French farmers to
agricultural scientists of the United
States is increased by the discovery
of an American thst the old, widely
held theory of the valuelessness of
the subsoil la wrong. The practical
effect of this contribution to prac
tical knowledge is seen in the act
of the French government rescinding
its former order closing the war
devastated districts in the "north to
their former inhabitants.- The .whole
agricultural policy of the nation may
be modified, indeed, as the result of
experiments conducted on a farm
on Long Island, New York, by which
it was demonstrated that soil that
long has lain several feet below the
surface is capable of reclamation.
The importance of this-, lies in the
vast extent of French territory that
was laid under bombardment. In
the Long Island experiments the
devastating work of artillery was
simulated by systematically placed
charges of dynamite. . Ground, that
had been virtually turned upside
down was afterward subjected to
mechanical treatment and its fertil
ity was largely restored. The es
sence of the process Is that the cost
is not prohibitive.
The accepted definition of soil it
self has been responsible for some
of the mistaken theories attached to
it. The term, which is applied to
the extremely superficial portions of
the earth's crust mixed with organic
matter called humus, has usually
been regarded as non-inclusive of
subsoil in the agricultural sense,
though progressive farmers in
America for -a long while have un
derstood the value of subsoil plow
ing and have taken advantage of it
to multiply crop yields. The order
for abandonment of the. ruined
territory of the north was only in
part due to danger from unexploded
missiles in the ground. The view
was held quite generally that the
peasant landowners would be unable
to make a living irom tne land and
that provision would be necessary
for them elsewhere.
Nature has a way, though she
takes her own time at it, of atoning
for violence done to her plans. Veg
etation that springs up following
a' great upheaval illustrates the
method. At first only the plants
survive that are rooted superficially
and that deri've the larger part of
their sustenance from air. These,
dying, furnish a small quantity of
needed humus, which encourages
other and more exacting plants to
take quarters there. The process
continues, after a crop rotation sys
tem of nature's own, until all the
elements of fertility, both organic
and inorganic, are - found in the
newly exposed layer.
-The reformatory work of nature,
which apparently leaves so much to
the factor that we call chance, is
hastened by being systematized, and
new the perfect flower of American
efficiency blooms in fields that a
year or so ago were believed to be
condemned indefinitely to unpro
ductive idleness. French peasants
are being made acquainted with lime
and clover, twin soil specifics that
find ardent advocates in Oregon.
The sovereign panacea, as it ever
has been, is personal industry, but
there is no lack of that among the
French agricultural classes. If the
Mmate holds pood that 1,000,000
arable acres in France were devas
tated in the war, the discovery here
tofore alluded to amounts to a gift
to France for a long term of years
of that area of productive land,
without expense, however, . to the
donors. It is further to the credit
of Americans, though of relatively
lesser importance, that certain ad
ministrative details of agricultural
reconstruction are being worked out
by the American Committee for the
Restoration of Devastated France, of
which Miss Anne Morgan is the
head, and " by the units of Quakers
who took over the rebuilding of
certain communities to prove that
conscientious objectors to war may
not object to giving their money and
their services in a humanitarian
cause.
Aside from the natural jape that
every kittenish old spinster will ap
prove of the cat-step, as indorsed and
presented by the recent convention of
dancing masters in Gotham, there
appears little need for comment. The
cat-step is toited as a lightsome yet
less objectionable antic than its
predecessors, the shimmy and the
chummy-hug. Before these was the
rag, and before that the tango, if
memory serves us rightly. Critics
of the dance have wearied of hoping
for an elevated dance hall. They
are chastened, even saddened, by
experience. As to the cat-step, they
await it without enthusiasm, re
straining their pessimism. The new
dance is more properly known as
El Gato. but in New York it was
instantly dubbed the cat-step or the
pussy-foot glide. These sobriquets
cannot be said to commend- it. We
fear the worst.
Leprosy may soon be listed among
those plagrues that science has com
pletely conquered and all by rea
son of the fact that men of science
paid heed to the curative properties
of a tree esteemed by the natives of
British India in the treatment of lep
rosy. It is the chaulmoogra tree
in whose oil the natives had found
a beneficial effect, though not a cure
They had used it for centuries, but
it was only recently that occidental
practitioners concentrated chaul
moogra oil and utilized it at the
Hawaiian leper colony. The results
are hailed as almost certain proof of
a specific for leprosy. During the
past year fifty-eight patients have
been discharged as cured. And that
is wonderful news, indeed, when one
recalls that since the dawn of his
tory lepers have been aptly known
as "the Jiving dead."
They are hunting tne deer the
deer as he bounds through the for
est today, and quite frequently plug
ing a steer who oughta keep out of
the way. But somewhere some for
tunate guy, who took a good look
ere he shot, is setting real buck
meat to fry and brewing of coffee
a pot.
. v
The former Willamette university
economics professor who played the
republicans and democrats against
each other until he got a $7500-a
year job from the democrats, seems
to practice economics as well as
preach It. i
Still, none of us Is- so extrava
gantly optimistic -as to believe that
the Porte s decision to send an am
bassador to the Vatican is the prel
ude to a grand abolishment of all
sectarian lines in religion.
About this season of year the only
successful rival of the man who
made two blades of grass grow
where only one grew before is the
chap who planted beans in his corn
field and is dining on succotash.
Our horoscope predicts that Sep
tember will be a fortunate month for
us if we are lucky containing
thirty days and a full moon, with
the rent falling due on the tenth,
It is reported that Ellis island
immigrants "rioted" when they be
held full sugarbowls. We felt the
same way when the epic headlines
shouted. Sugar has fallen!"
Turkey will send a minister to the
Vatican. Two-handed swords and
scimetars were the calling cards o
the crusades. Surely, we progress
. Dancing masters declare that danc
ing is an ,interpretation of music
Thank heaven, no one has yet
thought of interpreting sacred music.
However, the great issue on which
Governor Cox has not as yet com
mitted himself is whether he pre
fers his beer on draught or bottled.
The retreat in the direction of
Moscow promises to rival a certain
historic military movement in the
opposite direction.
i
Cost of operating the penitentiary
has increased 115 per cent. Tha
moral would seem to be to abolish
the penitentiary.
We presume from his wife's charges
that Charlie Chaplin regarded mar
riage as something of a slapstick
comedy.
The revolt of the corner grocers
literally "spilled the milk" when the
pacific ruling of the commission was
received.
Revised census figures give Los
Angeles another 1000 population.
They were revised before the earthquakes.
BY-PRODUCTS OF THE TIMES
How a Thrifty Croeana Saved Storage
on Ills Liberty Bonds.
A local Croesus, who has a good
rating in the financial directories, re
cently visited his bank and requested
a loan of $10, says the New York
Evenine; Post.
"But you have a deposit of about
$40,000!" exclaimed the president of
the bank. "'Why should you wish to
borrow a trifle like that?"
Croesus persisted in his demand
and the bank president smilingly gave
him a check for the desired amount.
'What collateral are you offering?"
inquired the president.
'One hundred thousand dollars in
Liberty bonds," replied Croesus,
drawing an envelope from his pocket.
"Here they are. Good morning."
But the president halted him.
"Now that the loan has been made
in the usual fashion," he said, "would
you mind telling me your object in
putting up $100,000 as collateral?"
"Just this," explained Groesus.
Think how much it would cost me
to keep these bond3 in a safe de
posit vault!"
On his way to Europe, Douglas
Fairbanks attended a lecture on phil
osophy by a, young Instructor from
Columbia unlvesnlty, who entertained
the ship's passengers one night with
a few selected thoughts on the cos
mos, says a writer in the New York
Post. The following night, as the
story was told later by fellow pas
sengers, Doug sought out the Colum
bia man.
"I hear you're a philosopher," said
the movie star.
The instructor admitted the fact.
"Well, I've got a philosophy, too,"
continued Doug. "I'll tell you about
it."
For two hours he explained his
views to the young instructor, who
listened like a philosopher.
"Do you think you could use my
philosophy in one of your books?" in
quired the actor, as he wound up his
discourse.
The Columbia man thought that he
could.
"Well, if you do," Doug requested,
don't forget to give me credit for
what I told you!"
Will Irwin, in an address in Green
wich Village on birth control, told e
story of a chap named Hlggins, who
got home one night to learn that his
wife had given birth to triplets
three healthy, bouncing boys, says the
Boston Globe.
Higgins, overjoyed, went to the
boss' office next morning and re
counted the rare and wonderful thing
which had befallen him. The boss
felicitated him heartily, and the next
day Hlggins was sent for.
He hurried to the office again to
find the entire firm assembled there.
A handsome silver cup stood on the
mantel, and this trophy, in an elo
quent speech, the boss presented to
him in recognition of the triple bless
ing which he had bestowed upon his
country.
Higgins took tha cup in his hand.
bowed respectfully and said:
"Excuse me, sir, but is this cup
mine now, or do I have to win it
three years in succession?"
1 A medical corps officer chanced
upon a negro acquaintance of civil
life one day in France.
"How do you like the army, Moaef"
he asked.
" 'S'll right so far, cap'n," replied
the negro, "but ah don't know how
I'm going to like it when dem Ger
mans shoots at me."
"Don't worry about that," replied
the officer. "All you have to do is
zig-zag." And he demonstrated.
The next time the two met the
nego was in a hospital.
"What's the matter with you,
MoseT' asked the officer.
"I ain't sure, cap'n, but ah think
I must have been ziggin' 'bout de time
ah oughta been zaggin.' " American
Legion Weekly.
Julian G. Herkimer of the Anti
Saloon league said in a Pittsburg lec
ture: "A Pittsburg woman, in the days
before the state went dry, took a bath
one winter evening and then as she
felt chilled, she swallowed a table
spoonful of whisky.
"Afterward she prepared her little
daughter for bed. She was bending
over the youngster, unbuttoning her
frock, when the child gave two or
three sniffs and said sharply:
"Why, mother, you've been using
father's perfumery!' "
The original "tree of knowledge" in
the Garden of Eden, reputed by tradi
tion to have been the one from which
the serpent tempted Eve, has literally
fallen a victim to the ambition of
some British Tommies on furlough to
have themselves photographed in its
branches, a dispatch says. Their
weight proved too much for it, and
the tree crashed to the ground. A
British court of inquiry has decided
that the Moslems be awarded $1750
to build a mosque on the spot. To
ronto Globe.
"So you don't believe there is
a thing as genius?"
"Not nowadays," replied Mr.lDustin
Stax.
"What is your idea of a genius?"
"A man who can think of some way
to help the railroad business without
raising rates." Washington Star.
A conceited Welsh student-pastor
was preaching in English in a Derby
shire chapel. To impress his -English
hearers he said he would recite the
first words of the Bible in 20 langu
ages What he did Was to recite dif
ferent passages in Welsh each time.
Suddenly be saw a man laughing
at him.
"And twelfthly," he said, "as the
passage goes in Arabic, Oachw!
Cymro peidweh yn chwerthln a
caewch eich ceg " which means "if
you're a Welshman, etop laughing
and shut your mouth."
At an amateur performance an
artists gave imitations of several
popular actors, one of whom hap
pened to be present.
Afterwards the ambitious amateur
sought an introduction to the "star,"
and asked hopefully:
"Did you see my imitation of you?"
"1 did," replied the great man,
promptly.
"Then, sir," persisted the aspiring
youth, "may I ask you to give me
your opinion of my art as shown in
ysuch
sauSyjJ,
that impersonaton?
"Well, my boy," the great man sa
"one of us is rotten!"
Those Who Come and Go.
F. O. Finn of Victoria. B. C, has
arrived at the Multnomah. Victoria
having survived the visit of the Im
perial Press association and showed
the pressmen everything from the
Butchart sunken gardens to the ban
quet room of the Empress, attention is
now being directed to the prohibition
question. The election is coming on
and there is a goodly percentage of
residents wgo would like to see the
laws sufficiently elastic to permit
a barter in liquor, figuring that if
Victoria is "wet" it will offer an in
ducement to tourists from the states.
Most of the physicians in Victoria are
riding in new automobiles, for under
the law a physician can issue 250 pre
scriptions a month for liquor and the
charge is $2.50 a prescription. Up to
four weeks ago a prescription was
good for two quarts, but now all that
a prescription will yield is an eight
ounce bottle about two swigs but
the doctors haven't cut the price of
the prescriptions.
There are more second-hand auto
mobiles in Seattle than I ever saw be
fore," declares Carl Steam, of that
place. Who is registered at the Ben
son. "I don't know where all these
used machines came from, but there
is an abundance of them." Mr. Stearns,
who is manager for a motion picture
concern which is filming "The Four
Cowboys of the Kucalipes,". or some
thing like that, admits that the the
ater business in Seattle Isn't hitting
on all cylinders of late. He at
tributes the falling off in attendance
to the very pleasant weather which
Seattle has been experiencing and be
cause of the weather people have pre
ferred being outdoors. The wet sea
son is approaching, however, and the
girls in the glass ticket offices will
soon be busy asking "How many,
please?"
F. W. Beach, who is secretary of
the hotelmen's association and serves
in a similar capacity for the caterers'
association, sah that the garbage
from " the hotels and restaurants of
Portland is worth $30,000 a year. This
by-product has been sold to hog
ranchers, but some of the ranchers
have notified the kitchens that some
one is making so many restrictions
that they won't be able to line the
garbage, so a committee has been ap
pointed by the caterers to see about
buying an island in the Columbia
river and having the restaurant and
hottlmen go into the hog raising
business.
Very well satisfied with the nomin
ation of Sam Shortridge as the re
publican nominee for United States
senator in California was Michael De
Young, publisher of the Chronicle. Mr.
De Young has been registered at the
Benson and while here he kept in
close touch with the primary election
in his home state. When he checked
out to return to San Francisco, he ex
pressed himself as pleased over the
success of Mr. Shortridge, who Isn't
what might be called a prohibition
candidate.
If ha finds a hotel which looks good
to him and with the price right, he
will buy, says Joseph Bixler, who is
at the Multnomah. Mr. Bixler has
been in the hotel business in Omaha,
but recently disposed of his holdings
ana is on the Pacific coast to seek i
place where he can invest. Accom
panied by Mrs. Bixler and son, he has
motored through Washington and if
ne cannot find what he wants In
Portland, Mr. Bixler states that he
will see what San Francisco has to
offer.
Phil S. Bates has returned fron
Long Beach, where he has been con
valescing for some weeks. He was
stricken with ptomaine noison earlv
in February and spent most of his
time in hospitals until he went to the
beach. For a long time he has had
no use of his lower limbs, but now he
Is able to walk without the use of
crutch or cane and has gained about
SO pounds in weight, although still
some so pounds under normal.
Tt. J. Ginn. who is one of the coin
missioners of Sherman county as well
as one or its leading merchants, is
at the Perkins. Mr. Ginn's estab
lishment and home are at Moro.
which is the trading point for the
owners of the vast wheat fields of
mat vicinity. The wheat crop of
Sherman county this year promises
to Dring in several million dollars
"There have been a number of ar
son cases in Seattle of late." savs
Frank Beatty. who has just returned
from the Puget sound country. While
in Seattle Mr. Beatty recovered some
stolen automobiles and landed
arsonist or two. Burning garages for
the insurance is becoming somewhat
of a pastime in Seattle.
Not content with being president
of one bank. Felix W. Ewing shows
oy nis Dusiness card that he is tha
president of three such financial in
stitutions in California. Mr. Ewiner.
who is registered at the Multnomah.
acknowledges Ventura as hi3 place
of residence
Mr. and Mrs. George W. Barker, of
Butte Falls, are among the arrivals
at the Hotel Oregon. The population
at Butte Falls is somewhat anxious
to know what is to be done with the
railroad, recently sold, which con
nects that town with Medford.
Wert Sappington, whose father
used to look after the water rates
for the summer visitors at Ocean
Lake aryjl Twin Rocks, on the Tilla-
mooH. jfcauii, is regisierea at ins
ered at theim-
sTf.- wr m-c.
peri
KANSAS RECORD BE
Growing Grain Transformed Into
Biscuits In 23 MInutea at Waitsbnrg.
MEDFORD, Or,, Sept. 1. (To the
Editor.) In The Oregonian Sunday
last appears an article dated Cham-
pan, Kan., purporting to be the rec
ord of the manufacture of biscuits
from standing grain. The article says
that in 55 minutes grain was trans
formed into brejh ready for human
consumption. IU ) q
The strange thlrrg frrTfat The Ore
gonian should have reported the cir
cumstance as a fact and a record. If
you will refer to The Oregonian's col
umns of a few years ago, you will
find the record of a performance
much more noteworthy. I think i
was during the harvest of 1900, a
the little town of WaitBburg, Wash,
that grain was taken by combined har
vester and automobile to the Preston
Parton mill, and there ground into
flour, and baked into biscuits in much
less time than 5s minutes. By the
way, the Preston-Parton mill is one
of the oldest mills in Che northwest.
I think the story will show tha the
grain was cut on land owned by N. B,
Atkinson, then president of the Farm
ers' Educational and Co-operative
union of the state of Washington. The
work was under the direction of R. H.
Ormsbee, then city attorney of Walts
burg, and E. L. Wheeler, editor of the
Waitsburg Times. An account of the
feat was published in all the milling
journals of the country, and If I am
correct in my recollections of the
events following, not a challenge o
the time was made anywhere. ,J think
the time was about 13 minutes, from
waving grain in the fields three mile
from the mill to baked biscuit served
to the crowd that had been attracted
by the record-breaking effort.
Why give credit to Kansas boosters
or work better done near home?
ANXIOUS FOR PRESS UPHEAVAL
Writer Proposes That Portland News
papers Exchange Editors.
PORTLAND, Sept. 2. (To the Edi
tor.) McCready Sykes, writing in
Commerce and Finance, of New York,
in a late issue of that weekly jour
nal of business and economics says:
Viscount Burnham is proprietor of the
London Llaily Telegraph and as chairman
of the International Press Conference has
been visiting in Ottawa. He teils of a
plan under way in Eugland for the In
terchange among- newspapers of their ed
itors, somewhat after the fashion of ex
changing professors among universities.
English adltors will exchanxt desks, for
periods of a year or so, with those from
other parts of the empire, and Viscount
Burnham would like to see the Idea car
ried out between England and the United
States.
Mr. Sykes believes that "English
and American newspapers have both
much to learn from the other," but
makes the positive assertion that
"there are no English editorial pages
as good in an all-around way as
those, for example, of the Springfield
Republican or the Portland Orego
nian." He observes, in conclusion, that
there are two publishers who might
profit from such an exchange in this
country "if Senator Harding and
Governor Cox were to exchange news-
apers they would double their re
spective subscription lists."
It strikes me, too, that if the inno
LtiorT is to be tried out we had bet-
er try it among ourselves first, and
hat this might be done with profit
t editors and readers alike right
ere in our own city. Havlnc failed
s an editor, it. is perfectly proper for
me to advise men who have made
uccess as editors in their respective
ields, so I make bold to suggest that
he editor of the Oregon Journal ex
hange desks and duties with the edi-
or of the Portland Telegram; that
Mr. Fred Boalt, editor of the Portland
Daily News, trade places for awhile
with Mr. Edgar Piper, editor of The
Oregonian, and that Mr. C. C. Chap
man of the Oregon Voter take over
he editorial duties of the Oregon La
bor Press, while Mr. C. M. Ilynerson
ditor of organized labor's official
paper, edits and docs things in gen
eral to Mr. Chapman's Voter.
.1 leave to your own powers of de
duction and imagination and to those
of your readers the-probable results
and effects of- my suggestions. If la
vorably acted on.
EUGENE E. SMITH.
TO JCMP-OKK JOB."
O precious ruins, wreck of wind and
wave !
Once more from these beloved sands
I view
Your crumbling contour; broken
architrave.
Deeply do I deplore that Time, .false
knave
To his own handiwork, so much of
you
Each year demands; for even as
he gave
So does he take away, nor deigns
to rue
His depredations but the more
does crave.
How mem'ries throng of those sweet
days of yore.
As. pensive, on your marred form
I gaze;
Td give the world to realize once
more
The glad abandon of those care
tree days
E'er I had glv'n to years a measured
score.
What Joy! with pail and shovel then
to raise
Sand-masoned castles; drag along
the shore
The- brown-bulbed kelpweed; watch
the sunset's blaze.
Then were rou truly. In my childish
thought,
A shoe prodigious, lost, when to
the sea
Some hunted ogre, who had early
fought.
Strode to escape his wrathful
enemy.
So deeply planted In the sand and
taut
It lay this mighty shoe no pow'r
could free:
Till centuries a stone of it had
wrought.
While battering breakers beat Us
walls in glee.
One morn the sun lit up a wonder
new,
For. framed within Its arching sole
appeared
Immaculate on old Foulweather's
view,
A fairy lighthouse. Proudly it up
reared A spotless column to the distant blue;
And when night's sable veil its lines
had bleared.
A single brilliant star, that hitherto
The blackness had not known, burst
from the weird.
Ah yielding rock. Time's ever-sweep
ing wind.
The waves of stern reality drives
on :
Dashing these youthful dreams of
humankind
E'en as they crumble you. And
when anon
Of present man naught there remains
to find
But dust of you, only the emooth
sand, wan.
His being, past. In stone will be en
shrined
A legend, cherished, tell of you
agone.
EDITH J. PERNOT.
ANSWERING.
I paused with my soul on a hill top.
For an Instant sufficiency knew.
And I asked of my soul on the hill top,
Why climb for a loftier view?
Then my soul bade me look to the
valley.
Where some walked with down
eyes,
ryieldinar to gloom in the valley.
cast
ArW I knew thus my soul'on the hill
rest
was answering, uuwn u f uuu ' " "
And again I grew strangely restless
Kor beyond beckoned heights sub
lime. JANETTE MARTIN.
Top Hand la Crlbbage.
UKIAH. Or.. Sept. 1. (To the E
tor. Kindly publish top hand
in
cribbage and what it consists of.
SUBSCRIBER.
The best possible hand in cribbage
counts 29, and consists of three fives
and Jack, with five of the same suit
as Jack turned up. In this hand the
fives alone count 13-8, the fives with
Jack another I5-S. the fives make
another 12 for pairs and His Knobs
the other one: or 29 in all.
Identity of Poem Sought.
PORTLAND, Or., Sept. 2. (To the
Editor.) The writer would be obliged
if you could help him to the author
ship of the following poem.
I believe it is called "The Canadian
Boat Song." and the following verse,
quoted as nearly correct as I can pos
sibly remember, may enable some
courteous reader to furnish the in
formation desired.
From the lone shieling on the Misty title
Mountains divide us, and a world of seas.
Still our blood is red, and our hearts are
highland.
And in our dreams we see the Hebrides.
JAMES GILLESPIE.
Cool Contemplation.
Anxieties that fret the soul
Make summer harder as a rule;
And he that hath his winter's coal
la greatly helped :n keeping cool.
Washington Star.
More Truth Than Poetry.
By Jimci J. Montague
AS TO ALIENISTS.
(An eminent alienist declares that th
fans that xhrow pop bottles at baseball
umpires are not' properly balanced men
tally.) When fans declare: "We'll kill that
umps
The ugly-faced galoot!"
And leave the stand in frenzied Jumps
Their threat to execute.
And beat the wretch with club and
fist
Amid the terrific noise.
"Dear me," observes the alienist.
They've lost their mental poise!"
When Deacon Jones of Poplar creek,
1 lies off his trolley wire,
Lets out a loud and piercing shriek:
And stia his house afire.
And clambers up the town hall stairs
To 6hoot his brother Dave,
"Well, well!" tho alienist declares,
"That's no way td behave!"
When William puts a halter on
And says that he's a cow.
And, all the fodder being gone
He can't get breakfast now.
And that a little barley serves
To whet his appetite,
"Oh dear!" the alienist observes,
"He isn't acting right!"
"It's fine when anyone appears
To have a mental twist
Or be snarled up between the ears
To call an alienist.
To such a case he always- brings
A world of learned lore.
And tells us such a lot of things
That we have known before!
Wist Will They Do No, Poor Things t
A large number of splendid suf
frage orators are out of a job.
Have You Heard of Htm Latelyr
The president's former confidential
adviser seems to have added himself
to the house shortage.
'
At the Beach.
It's the girl who freckles that wears
a veil.
(Copyright by tha Bell Syndicate. Inc.)
The Battlefield.
By Grace I- Hall.
I'd like to send a helpful thought on
shining wings away.
To other souls, perhaps distraught by
worries of the day;
I'd like to send an urge of heart that
their bruised hearts might feel,
A balm of spirit for each smart, a sin
cere, deep appeal
To lift the head with courage true and
try once more once more.
Unnumbered victories wait for you
they may be at the door.
You need not go away from home te
gain to heights renowned.
The greatest triumphs ever known
within the home are found;
The greatest struggles fought and
won are not on fields afar.
But In the hearts where, fighting
done, there still remains the
scar.
I'd like to speed some helpful thought
on golden wings, today.
For some give up before they've
fought and weakly runaway;
And losing then, may ever spurn the
effort It takes
To win the badge that courage earns
in conquering mistakes:
The souls of men are battlefields
where passions' streams run red.
And he who to the foreman yields
soon rests among the dead.
In Other Days.
Tweaty-flve Years Ago Today.
From The Oregonian of Feptember 3. 1S!3.
Seattle By a decision of Judge
Gilbert, concurred in by Judge Han
ford, Receivers Oakes. Payne and
House were held to answer charges
of maladministration in office, pre
ferred by Brayton Ives, president of
the Northern Pacific.
Pendleton C. F. McKlnney. lumber
man, warns citizens of attack planned
by Indians.
Medford The school board has de
cided to erect a $11,000 brick school
building.
City health officers are laying plans
to ward off cholera epidemic, fear
ing Its outbreak from ships in the
harbor, recently arrived from tha
orient.
Fifty lean Ago.
From The Oregonian September S. 1S70.
London The Prussians report that
Lieutenant Von Sehemoff, sent under
flag to demand surrender of Verdun,
was fired on and his trumpeter killed.
The contract for the erection of St
David's church in East Portland has
been let.
The Oregon conference board of
church extension held its regular
meeting in the evening.
Th. -Rronklvn Flouring mill has re
ceived a quantity of new machinery
for installation.
TREATY n EJECTED BY PRESIDENT
Blame for Failure of VrraaiUea Pact
Placed on Wilson.
PORTLAND. Sept. 2. (To the Edl
lor.) a correspondent of the demo
cratic evening paper, while discuss
ing the treaty question, remarks that
"it has been six months since the
league of nations was rejected by tha
United States senate. Altogether
wrong. Neither "a" treaty nor "the"
treaty has been rejected by the sen
ate The treaty as it came from the
senate was rejected by Prsident Wil
son and since the senate is as much
a part of the treaty making power
under the constitution, even as made
by "the fathers," as is the president,
the rejection by him of the treaty, as
it was handed to him by the senate,
accounts fully for the present
Jumbled state of affairs.
And this is a wise provision of the
constitution. No treaty can be en
tered into by the United States with
out a favorable participation in its
formation by two-thirds of the sen
ators, and these men come, from all
parts of the country, elected by a di
rect vote of the people. Being so
chosen, why shouldn't 64 men more'
nearly represent" actual public opin
ion than any one man who was
elected by an Indirect vote? And this,
even though that man did keep us
out of war, ana out ior wnosa iar
sightedness the United States might
have been drawn into the great world
conflict with Germany which would
have necessitated the raising of a vast
army and the spending of billions of
dollars.
Adm'ttedly it Is a great,man who
could do all this, but the-constitution'
doe.i not give him the power to make
a treaty that :ha!l be binding on this
country. He h.sthe power to reject-'
a treaty, h'iever, and has done so.'
T. T. (JEER.
German Exports Less.
London Sphere.
Germany exported about S. 000, 000
metric hundredweight of potash last
year, as compared with an annual
pre-war exportation of from 12,009,.
000 tlS,000,000.'