Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937, December 26, 1919, Page 8, Image 8

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THE MORNING OKEGOXIAN, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 26. . 1919.
ESTABLISHED BY HENRY I-. PITTOCK.
Published by The Oregonian Publishing Co.,
133 Sixth Street. Portland. Oregon.
C. A. MORUEX, E. B. PIPER.
Manager. Editor
The Oregonian la a member of the Asso
ciated Press. The Associated Press Is
sxcluslvely entitled to the use for publica
tion ox all news dispatches credited to it
or not otherwise credited in this paper and
also the local news published herein. All
rights of republication of special dispatches
herein are also reserved.
hub ( ritnion Kates Invariably in Advance.
(By Mall.)
Daily. Sunday Included, one year $8.00
Dally. Sunday Included, six months .... 4.23
Dally, Sunday included, three months. . 2.-5
Dally, Sunday included, one month 75
Dally, without Sunday, one year 6.00
Dally, without Sunday, six months .... 3.25
Daily, without Sunday, one month ..... .60
Weekly, one year 1.00
Sunday, one year 2.50
Sunday and weekly 3.50
(By Carrier.)
Dally, Sunday Included, one year $9.00
Dally, Sunday Included, three months. . 2.25
Dally, Sunday included, one month .... .75
Dally, without Sunday, one year 7.80
Daily, without Sunday, three months. . . 1.13
Dully, without Sunday, one month 65
How to Remit Send postoffice money
order, express or personal check on your
local bank. Stamps, coin or currency are
at owner's risk. Give postoffice address
in full, including county and state.
Postage Rates 12 to 16 pages, 1 cent:
18 to 32 pages. 2 cents; 84 to 48 pages, 3
cents; 50 to 60 pages, 4 cents: 62 to 79
fages. 5 cents; 78 to 82 pages. 6 cents,
oreign postage, double rates.
Eastern Business Office Verree & Conk
lln, Brunswick building. New York: Verree
Conklln, Steger building, Chicago; Ver
ree & Conklln. Free Press building, De
troit, Mich. San Francisco representative,
R. J. Bidwell.
MR. ROCKEFELLER'S GENEROSITY.
Mr, Rockefeller, transmitting a
frlft of $100,000,000 to the General
Education Board and the Rocke
feller Foundation, remarks that "the
attention of the American people has
recently been drawn to the urgent
nd immediate necessity of provid
ing more adequate salaries to mem
bers of the teaching profession,"
and mentions the Importance of re
taining in the profession the "able
and inspiring young men and wom
an" who have done so much for edu
cation in the past. Undoubtedly, so
far as it goes, the gift will relieve
the Immediate wants of certain In
dividuals and of certain educational
Institutions. If It is not spread over
too much ground, it may make a
definite Impression. But it will do
more harm than good if it creates In
the mind of Americans who are the
chief beneficiaries of the schools,
high, low and intermediate, the no
tion that they can look to private
charity for the solution of every
financial problem that arises.
There are approximately 700,000
teachers in the United States, and to
Increase their salaries only $100 a
year each would require $70,000,000
annually, which Is the interest, at 4
per cent, on a principal sum of
1,760,000,000. Nor will it be con
tended that an average salary ad
vance of $100 a year will meet the
situation. It may be doubted that $500
wonld be sufficient. If the standards
of the past are not only to be main
tained but permitted to advance with
the needs of a progressive age. The
job is too big for all the Rockefellers
put together, however philanthropic
ally inclined they may be. There Is
only one agency in the world that
can possibly be equal to It, and thai
Is the public Itself.
Mr. Rockefeller's largesses have
In various ways been the means of
accomplishing a great deal of good.
If he does not succeed in giving to
every teacher the compensation that
he (or she) deserves, he can point to
a score of other fields in which his
private benevolence has not run so
grave a risk of putting a brake on
public enterprise. The report of the
Foundation for 1918, only recently
off the press, gives us belated Infor
mation as to the amazing variety of
its activities in that year. It tells of
campaigns against tuberculosis In
France, malaria in Arkansas and
Mississippi, yellow fever in Guate
mala and Ecuador, and hookworm
In twenty-one foreign countries and
twelve states of the United States;
Of co-operation for improved health
work in Australia and Brazil; of the
construction of many new buildings
for a new medical center in Pekin.
and the supplementing of funds for
missionary hospitals and medical
and pre-medlcal schools in China;
the opening of a school of public
hygiene and health at Johns Hopkins
university at Baltimore; and the
carrying out of surveys for the
American Red Cross and the Amer
ican Social Hygiene Association.
These constitute only part of the
story. But they give us a glimpse of
things that might never have been
attended to if Mr. Rockefeller's
money had not made initiative pos
sible. People are beginning to get a good
deal of good out of the money of
Mr. Rockefeller, in one way and an
other, but, as has been suggested,
they will do well not to form the
habit of expecting the Rockefellers
and the Carnegies and the Fricks
and some others to do everything.
One of the strongest present features
of our educational system is the
participation of all the people in it.
There is good ground for suspecting
that if the people ever lose their
sense of responsibility for their own
schools, the latter will suffer far
more than they now suffer for mere
want of funds. It takes more than
money to make schools fit for a
democracy like ours. Anyway, Mr
Rockefeller's latest donation is only
a drop in the bucket, and it is up to
the people themselves to furnish the
additional billions needed to keep
their educational facilities up to the
mark.
THE PACKERS' POSITION.
The truth of all that is said on be
half of the packers in a letter from
Ij. F. Swift, published in another
column, can be conceded without in
any degree questioning the sound
ness of the policy which dictated
that they should dispose of their In
terests in stock yards and ether mar
keting facilities and in the handling
of other food than meat products.
As The Oregonian has frequently
pointed out, the question was one of
public policy, not one of whether the
packers were guilty of the crimes or
vll designs ascribed to them.
The argument against concen
trated control of the nation's food
supply has been weakened rather
than strengthened by the unfair
one-sided methods of inquiry and the
exaggerated charges of the federal
trade commission. By employing
Francis J. Heney as counsel, the
commission Insured that Its Inquiry
would not be a search for the whole
truth but would be an effort to con
vict the packers. It has thus given
the latter good cause to charge in
justice and persecution and to win
the sympathy of many persons who
are opposed to concentration of con
trol over food in private hands.
The reason for the packers' con
trol of stockyards may have been all
that Mr. Swift says, but, as they are
I the principal buyers. It is impossible
I to convince the people that they do
not use their control for their own
profit rather than the public inter
est. There may be ample economic
reasons for their handling canned
goods and other commodities, since
they have the proper distributive
machinery, but the public may well
have misgivings about such all-embracing
machinery In private hands
for private profit. These are suf
ficient reasons for dividing the man
ufacture and distribution of food into
many units, each under distinct own
ership and control. There still re
mains wide scope for that economy
which is the boasted result of large
business units.
By entering Into a voluntary
agreement with the attorney-general
to divest themselves of all interests
outside of packing, the packers have
given the most effective answer to
the aspersions which have been cast
upon them, have proved their readi
ness to comply with the spirit of the
law and to bow to public opinion.
Their conduct will help to dispose of
the prevalent Impression that big
business is lawless and shows no re
spect for the public interest or pub
lic opinion. It dare not do so, for
in the end it depends on the good
will of the public.
POLITICAL PROPHECY.
Colonel James Hamilton Lewis,
former senator from Illinois, former
democratic whip, and former repre
sentative in congress from the state
of Washington, has not abandoned
the political areia which he so long
decorated with his hirsute and sar
torial scenery- Not at all. Though
not now a gladiator, with a Job, he
is a prophet with a mission, it Is to
enlighten the untutored east on the
remarkable condition which con
fronts the country. He is the great
est little political forecaster since
Dooley of Archy road. He has given
out in New York an interview, which
all the papers print, that In 1920
there will be five presidential tickets
republican, democratic, socialist,
labor and liberal and that the re
sult is likely to be a deadlock in the
electoral college, so that the election
will be thrown in the house of repre
sentatives. What will happen then, the delph
ic Lewis does not say. Perhaps his
tender heart shrinks from the duty
of drawing a veil which will dis
close the sad fact that It will prob
ably be a republican congress, which
of course will know what it is there
for, and do it.
But we are chiefly interested in
the Lewis prediction as to the "re
publican nomination. Here It Is:
The republicans will be dominated by
the expressions of the primaries, to be
held from now to May In the eleven big
states. The republican will meet with del
egates all different from those now cal
culated on and bound by new directions.
Then, in an attempt to prevent the demo
crats from winning the west on the league
and peace treaty Issues, the republicans
w ill nominate a middleman conciliator like
Senator Frank Kellogg of Minnesota or
Senator Kenyon of Iowa.
If we get It right, nobody who
wants to go to the republican con
vention will be nominated as a dele
gate and everybody now thought to
have a chance to be the presidential
candidate must give way either to
Kenyon or Kellogg. It was unkind
of the colonel not to put in a word
or two for his fellow townsman, Mr.
Lowden, who is some conciliator
himself.
A prophecy is ordinarily good un
til It falls, or Is realized. But the
picturesque propagandist from Illi
nois works on a different principle.
A prophecy from him is good if he
gets it and himself in the papers.
DANGEROUS PARTISANSHIP.
The Oregonian learns by way of
the Corvallls Gazette-Times that the
Eugene Guard says The Oregonian
"Is exceedingly Jubilant over failure
of the senate to ratify the peace
treaty," and it accuses the Guard and
other democratic papers of ingrati
tude, because it (The Oregonian)
'was in great favor with them when
it was riding In the democratic band
wagon." But, adds the Corvallls
paper, "just as soon as it comes out
of its trance, discovers it has not
located the bandwagon at all, then
all these papers begin to denounce
it."
Here are two types of newspaper
that In their respective ways fairly
represent the provincialism, pettiness
and partisanship that have brought
the peace treaty to. disaster. One of
them Is for the league because Presi
dent Wilson is for It, the other is
against the league for the same rea
son. Both kinds are contemptible.
A far-seeing Americanism ap
proves the idea of the league of na
tions because it makes the world
safe for America. It is not vital that
it be a league in the exact form of
covenant negotiated by the allies at
Paris; it is vital that it contain a
workable guarantee of the world's
peace. The controversy at Wash
ington is almost wholly over words,
over mere formulae.
The Oregonian would take the
league in its original form or in its
amended form. It does not believe
that all the reservations impair the
structure, but it thinks that some of
them strengthen It. It wants a 100
per cent league, but it will take a
90 per cent league as an alternative.
The eyes that see the chaos
wrought in Europe, and receive no
impression that it means anything to
America are blinded by a false and
dangerous sense of security. The
mind that seeks to Isolate America
from all other nations is ignorant of
history and Impervious to the les
sons of experience and common
sense. The mouth that shouts for
an Impossible isolation is doing harm
to the present and future of Amer
ica. If America fails or refuses to
join hands with other nations for
the common good, declaring that it
has no duty to insure the welfare of
others, but that every nation must
look out for Itself, . It surely will
awake some day soon to find that it
has made an appalling mistake.
Women in Turkey, the dispatche
say, are hoping for speedy peace in
order that the resultant prosperity
will make marriage less difficult; the
sultan and the pashas are reducing
the size of the harems because they
cannot afford to maintain many
wives in the face of the high cost of
living; there are three women to
every two men; monogamy stalks
abroad; marriage is still the only
career open to women. Those who
think that women are confronted
with a problem In occidental coun
tries will read the news from the
Bosphorus and realize that their
troubles are as nothing by compari
son with those of their sisters under
the crescent. To make matten
worse, the "new women" of Turke
assert that .not only the ballot, but
husbands, have been promised them.
It is evident that the west has no
monopoly of those who for the sake I
of some temporary advantage prom-
Ise more than they can perform. The
ballot Is easy, but the lot of the Turk-
ish politician is not going to be an
easy one when the girls discover that
there are not enough husbands to go
around.
THE PCBLIO CAN HELP.
Merchants and manufacturers of
Portland have responded readily to
the call for employment for ex-service
men, but after all It is up to the
consuming public In the long run
Some of the factories have agreed
to employ their quota of ex-service
men, though this means production
of more goods than they have a mar
ket for at present. They cannot long
continue this employment unless they
can sell the surplus, but If they
should find steady sale for larger
output, their new men's jobs will be
come permanent.
Thus It is up to the general public
after all. By buying Oregon goods
they will enable ex-service men to
hold their jobs and will add to the
prosperity of Oregon industry. The
factories in question produce staples
which are needed at all seasons
food, clothing, furniture and house
furnishings and they run the yeai
round. With larger payrolls they
will cause more money to circulate
in all channels of trade, and employ
ment of the men who served will
serve all.
Oregon has always been ready to
care for Its own, and by expanding
the home market of Its industries It
will care both for them and the men
whom it sent to war.
PARADISE ENOUGH.
The most recent contributor toour
stock of information as to "what
Paradise is like is a Kentish widow,
reported from London as having
been able to obtain through spirit
communications a description of the
heavenly abode. It illustrates anew
the point that revelation almost al
ways corresponds to the recipient's
own Ideas of what would constitute
an Ideal hereafter.
To say that "everyone is happy and
everything Is bright" is, of course,
to waste words on platitudes. To as
sure us that heaven is not "dry" and
that smoking Is permitted there is
only to let us know that the departed
one was more or less given to in
dulgence in his earthly sphere. But
we are Indebted to the Kentish lady
for a new revelation that makes the
place seem altogether worth while.
People up there, "it seems, do not tol
erate the asking of foolish and trivial
questions, although they enjoy an
occasional joke. They are serious,
but not too much so. They are just
sensible enough, without carrying
the thing to a painful extreme.
The time-worn inquiry about how
we like the weather is, of course,
barred under the heavenly rule,
along with the long list of others
that dally tax our urbanity while they
furnish topics of conversation for
vacuous minds. But it will be sus
pected nevertheless that heaven is
not very densely populated. The
number of persons who habitually
ask trivial questions is exceedingly
large. Delightful as life would be
without them, It Is a question how
many of us could meet this condition
precedent of a spiritual career.
HOME RULE FOR IRELAND.
The Lloyd George cabinet makes
a daring attempt to remove a source
of discord In the British isles which
has continued for centuries and has
defied the efforts of statesmen for
generations the demand of the ma
jority of the Irish people for self
government apart from the other
members of the United Kingdom.
Something had to be done, for the
home rule act of 1914 would other
wise have come Into operation six
months after the proclamation of
peace, and it satisfies nobody.
That law was enacted after a con
stitutional struggle which was the
culmination of agitation for home
rule that began In the early '70s
after the repeal agitation of O'Con
nell and the Young Ireland and
Fenian rebellions had failed. A par
liament was elected in 1910 in which
the Irish Nationalists led by John
Redmond held the balance of power,
and they formed an alliance with
the Liberals led by Asquith on con
dition that the latter should pass a
home rule bill. As the house of
lords was Inflexibly hostile, fulfill
ment of this promise was impossible
without curtailment of its powers.
This was accomplished after an in
tense struggle in regard to a radical
budget, a law being forced through
providing that, if a bill passed by
the commons and rejected by the
lords at two successive sessions
should be passed by the commons at
a third session. It should become law
on receiving the royal assent, even
though again rejected by the lords.
Under that law the home rule bill
was finally enacted in 1914, but not
until outbreak of the great war had
averted imminent civil war and only
when accompanied by suspension un
til six months after the war. All
parties threw themselves with fervor
Into the conflict with Germany, and
it seemed as If reconciliation were
at hand. Redmond equaled any of
the party leaders in the zeal with
which he urged the Irish to volun
teer, and at the outset Ireand's ratio
compared well with that of England
or Scotland. But the war office be
trayed distrust of the Irish by refus
ing at first to organize their men
into distinct divisions, the Sinn Fein
independence party agitated more
actively than ever, and administra
tion of Chief Secretary Birrell was
miserably weak and blind to what
was going on. Hence he was almost
taken by surprise when the Sinn
Fein rebellion broke out on Easter
Sunday, 1916. though Sir Roger
Casement, a Sinn Fein leader, was
captured promptly after his landing
from Germany. Military executions
and wholesale Imprisonments fol
lowed suppression of the revolt, and
won hosts of recruits to the Sinn
Fein. The field was thus ill prepared
for the policy of conciliation which
was then attempted.
Nevertheless the Asquith coalition
cabinet which then ruled sent Lloyd
George to Ireland to attempt a com
promise on home rule between Na
tionalists under Redmond and Ulster
Unionists under Sir Edward Carson.
Their consent was obtained to a ten
tative plan under which certain coun
ties of Ulster would have had the
option of voting themselves out of a
home rule Ireland, but Lord Lans
downe, a rock-ribbed Irish Tory land
lord, who was in the cabinet, ob
jected that it must be approved by
all the members, and he withheld
his approval. Sinn Feinlsm then
spread like a prairie fire, and made
great Inroads on the Nationalist
party. The government did not ven-
ture to make conscription apply to
Ireland when it was adopted in May,
1916. When In the spring of 1918
the German offensive made necessary
the calling of every available man.
the law was extended to Ireland in
the face of passionate protests from
Redmond, but its operation was held
in suspense until a last effort had
been made to raise Ireland's quota
by the voluntary system. A call was
made for 50,000 men before October,
but only about 13,000 were enlisted.
After Lloyd George became pre
mier in December, 1916, he renewed
his efforts to gratify the ambition of
the Irish. majority for home rule and
the desire of the other kingdoms to
conciliate Ireland without breaking
up the uni6n under one central gov
ernment. He appointed a conven
tion composed of all parties and In
terests in Ireland except the Sinn
Fein. That party was invited but
declined to participate. He held that
the obstacle to home rule was not
opposition to the English and Scotch
but inability of the Irish to agree.
and the convention was appointed
to give them an opportunity to agree
on a plan, independence or coercion
of a minority to the will of the ma
jority being excluded. The conven
tion by a small majority agreed on
a plan acceptable to the Nationalists
but rejected by the Ulster Unionists
and therefore not complying with
the government's conditions.
The breach between the govern
ment and Sinn Fein grew wider.
Many leaders of the latter were im
prisoned on suspicion of conspiring
with Germany, but some escaped and
the others were released after the
armistice was made. An election
closely followed that event, and Sinn
Feiners elected 78 of the ,105 Irish
members, the Nationalist party being
reduced to seven members. The Sinn
Fein members refused to take their
seats in what they called an English
parliament, but organized an IriBh
republic In Dublin with all the ma
chinery of government. Secret drill
ing, occasional murder of policemen
and others, and other outrages fol
lowed and have grown In frequency,
to be accompanied by constantly
more severe repressive measures and
to culminate in the attempted mur
der of the viceroy, "Viscount French
A delegation was sent to the peace
conference to present Ireland's claim.
agitation extended to America and
the British colonies, and many ef
forts were made to embarrass Great
Britain.
Demand grew among all the Brit
ish people, exclusive of the Ulster
Unionists and hidebound Tories, that
the government itself should frame
a bill granting Ireland the largest
measure of self-government short of
Independence and consistent with the
rights of the minority and should
Impose It on Ireland without seeking
the consent of the several irrecon
cilable parties. This demand has the
support of certain moderate men In
Ireland, and the bill which Lloyd
George has announced is the re
ponse, also being his third attempt
to gratify the wishes of the majority
with due regard to the objections of
the minority. It approaches the do
minion system for the two parts of
the island and leaves them the option
of uniting whenever they wish, th
cabinet apparently being confident
that the great interests which they
have in common will bring them to
gether. .
This is the thorniest of several
problems of reconstruction which the
British empire has undertaken to
solve. A bill to establish self-govern
ment In India Is already before par
liament, and a commission has been
sent to Ejsrypt to prepare a similar
plan for that country. It will not
be the fault of the present govern
ment if the. British empire does not
become in literal fact what General
Smuts called it "commonwealth of
nations."
The Hood River pheasants which set
on the frozen apples In the orchards over
there during- the cold snap In order to
warm them up and make them palatable
are wise birds, to be sure: but they are not
any more Intelligent than the birds of
Yakima. Over here It was a common
sight every morning during the storm to
see a couple of hundred Chinks lined up in
front of Game Warden Frank Bryant's
office welting to be fitted with Bteel bills
which Frank designed to enable them to
crack the frosen apples and break the Ice
on the creeks. North Yakima Republic.
Interesting, quite interesting in
deed. But we deny that Hood River
pheasants "set," either In the pres
ent or past tense.
The publisher of a "rountrj-" pa
per has his ambitions and aspirations
and one of them Is get out' as good
a paper for his town as The Ore
gonian is for Portland. Lots of them
do It- The holiday season is his
harvest time.
Washington is to present a $600
diamond medal to the Washington
soldier with the best war record.
The one who gets It Isn't likely to be
one who admits loudly that he ought
to have it
A jazz orchestra furnished music
at a Christmas party of drug addicts
in New York. Must have figured
the drug addicts needed a musical
shot in the arm.
Of course the "gin" special of
twenty-seven cars from Peoria to
New Tork makes the trip. A train
of that kind could not be ditched
no such luck.
It's comforting to hear that worn
en's spring suits will ba no higher.
Apparently the limit In height has
been reached.
D'Annunzio describes himself as
"your lion-hearted poet." Neverthe
less, he gives a good imitation of
braying.
Kansas, with her billion In prod
ucts. must not be vainglorious or
the grasshopper again will get her
It Is tough on the dog and the cat
and the garbage man's hogs to miss
the accustomed relics of the turkey
No wonder they called It "Jersey
lightning." That state surely does
miss her booze.
Nobody wants a pesthouse In his
neighborhood, which is why the
cases creep in.
Oregon's gasoline plight might be
described as a situation of much
gravity.
The pile will be out of the rail
way "velv'et" in two months and a
week.
Between Oregon cider and logan
julce, the east will be caught both
ways.
About time for someone to form
an Anti-Christmas Card league.
BY-PRODUCTS OK TUB TIMES
How Some Japanese Look Upon Ptety
In Business.
No hard feelings against Japan are
felt by the Philadelphia business man
who laughingly showed me this copy
of a letter received by a London firm
from a Japanese correspondent, re
lates a writer in the Public Ledger.
One can enjoy the humor without for
a moment Insinuating that roguery Is
rife in the big business of Nippon.
"Regarding the matter of escaping
penaljy for non-delivery of the Bar
machine, there is a way to creep
round same by diplomat, and we must
make a statement of strike occur In
our factory (of course, being untrue).
Please address my firm In Inclosed
form of letter, and believe this will
avoid penalty of case. As Mr. B. Is
most religious and a competent man.
and also heavily upright and godly. It
fears me that useless apply for hie
signature. Please attach same by
Yokohama office, making forge, but
no cause to fear prison happening, as
this Is often operated by other mer
chants of highest Integrity.
"It Is highest unfortunate Mr. B. so
godlike and excessive awkward for
business purpose. I think much better
add a little serpentlike wisdom to up
right manhood, and thus found good
business edifice."
e
Manicurists who don't split their
Infinitives are more successful than
those whose grammar has been neg
lected, according to Miss Helen
Beegle, new principal for the Trades
School for Girls In Philadelphia. A
course In English will be established
at the eohool under Miss Beegle's di
rection. Courses In manicuring and
hairdresslng will be arranged, also.
Not only will the fair young students
be obliged to take a course In the
technicalities of dermatology, but
they will be required also to study
rhetoric, history, civics and other sub
jects with which all well-informed
persons should be acquainted.
The course for prospective mani
curists will cover a period of six
months. It Is Miss Beegle's aim. she
said, not only to prepare the students
for the technical performance of their
work, but to make them cultured cit
izens of the community.
The most remarkable Bible ever
produced, now in London. Is to be tak
en to the United States next year. It
weighs three-quarters of a ton, is S
feet 6 Inches wide, and when opened
flat measures 1 feet 10 Inches across
the pages.
This tremendous volume, says the
New Tork American, is to be the prin
cipal feature of a world-wide cam
paign for the popularizing of the
Bible. The oampalgn will be started
early in the new year and will be
conducted by the Bible crusade,
whose founder is "William Henry Fry,
grandson of the (rreat English Quak
eress, Elizabeth Fry.
Instead of being set in type and
printed on a press, every verse of the
Bible Is being written, each by a dif
ferent person, and signed with his or
her signature. So far about 2000 texts
have been written, the scribes ranging
from bishop to laborer.
Twelve large goatskins were re
quired for the binding, which is in
rich Levant Morocco leather of the
finest quality.
The book contains 176 sheets of
heavy paper boards. It is sewn with
twine in the old-fashioned way,
around six stout hempen ropes. Each
rope is thicker than the ordinary
clothes line.
"Mr. Bagg," said Dorset Knob, sec
retary of the Brass Monkey club (so
called because all Its members were
required to have the nerve of a brass
monkey) "Mr. Bagg, I have the hon
or to Inform you that you have been
proposed as a member of the Brass
Monkey club. But before the recom
mendation comes up for a vote, you
will have to successfully pass the
three nerve testa The first test Is. to
seat yourself In a fashionable restau
rant, open up a paper containing two
homemade sandwiches, call for mus
tard, apply It to your sandwiches and
eat them, and depart.
"Easy," laughed Paper W. Bagg.
And he returned that evening; with a
smile and a black eye, and said sim
ply, "I did it."
"The second test." said Dorset Knob.
Is to go out on the street and ask
the first man you meet for cigarette
makings. Then explain that you don't
know how to make therm and ask him
to roll It. Then request him to light
It for you."
Cinch." laughed Bagg. And the
next morning he returned with two
black eyes and a smile, and said sim
ply, "I did it."
"The third test." said Dorset Knob,
is to walk into a meeting of the
Plumbers' and Steamf ltters' union and
announce that you are the president
of the Anti-Saloon league."
PaperW. Bagg paled.
"I don't wanna join your old club."
he said, with assumed indifference.
Indianapolis Star.
When Columbus landed on the Is
land of Haiti, a huge banquet was
given In his honor by a native chief
tain and on that occasion he chanced
to notice that two or three of the
aboriginal guests bore scars on their
bodies suggesting severe wounds.
In response to his polite inquiry,
they said the scars represented bites
which gentlemen from the nearby is
land of Canniba had casually taken.
It was explained further that ths
people of Canniba (known today as
Porto Rico) were addicted to canni
balism and that they were accus
tomed to undertake armed raids upon
the Haitian and other neighbor folk.
Henca the origin of the word "can
nibal." v
There was a poem, so-called, writ
ten in that form called free-verse
which looks like verse in the types
and too often sounds like disjointed
prose In the reading, which appeared
in a New York paper a few days ago.
It paid tributes in three stanzas to
labor, capital and the brains that
brings them Into co-operation for the
production of useful things. It closed
with this comment upon the strife
among the three:
Capital, management, labor, combatant
Which is the most Important leg
Of a three-legged stool ?
The simile Is apt. If only each of
the legs of the stool could realize Its
dependence on ths others. Syracuse
Post-Standard.
Those Who Come and Go.
Jim Wonr fiiicic. who. In a white
blouse and trousers and armed with
a dustpan and brush, keeps the Hotel
Portland lobby free from cigar ashes.
played a new role yesterday. He made
his debut as the official Santa Claus
at the hotel. After a great deal of
persuasion and explanation, Charles
Schrelber. assistant manager. Invei
gled Jim Into the fur-trimmed car
mine costume' of St. Nick, concealing
the nationality of the Chinese under
a flowing beard and wig of white
horsehair. Arrangements were made
to distribute 170 presents at the
Christmas tree in the lobby to street
urchins. Jim, in his get-up, was in
structed to parade Sixth street, carry
ing an armful of balloons, and as a
bodyguard the colored page boy ac-
panled him. Like the Pled Piper, the
kids trailed-behind Santa Wong Guck
Claus and swarmed into the hotel.
Asked what he thought of His experi
ence, Jim answered In choice Canton
ese. "Mm gow um si sow," which,
translated, means "I should worry."
It was a bitter Christmas for an
employe of a Portland hoteL A friend
approached him and imparted the In
formation that he had three bottles
of Imported cordial and that the ho
telman could have one' for $16. The
deal was quickly closed and the friend
oozed out of the hotel. Later, when
the hotelman sampled the contents
of the bottle he discovered that they
consisted of grape Juice and a dash
of almond extract, and that the con
tents can be bought almost anywhere
for 75 cents. "It looked good and
the almond made It smell fine," con
fessed the victim, "but it was as de
void of kick as a dead mule."
W. A Terrall will be a pretty busy
man beginning January 2. He is the
supervisor of census for the Second
congressional district In Oregon,
which takes In practically everything
in Western Oregon except Multnomah
county. Mr. Terrall, who is registered
at the Seward, has his organization
In shape and ready to start asking
questions promptly one week from
today. ,
When the central library was built
A. J. Miller of Seattle had a hand In
It. Mr. Miller, who is registered at
the Seward, was disappointed yester
day In not being able to make a trip
over the highway. It waa such a poor
day for travel that the sight-seeing
busses did not have enough custom
ers to make the trip, do the run was
canceled. Mr. Miller, therefore, de
cided to remain over In Portland an
other day in the hope of viewing the
scenic wonderland.
"What's your name?" asked a hotel
clerk. "Tee," was the answer. "T,
what?" "Just Tea" "I don't mean
your Initials, but your full name."
"A. J. Tee." replied the visitor, and
that Is the way he wrote It on the
register at the Hotel Portland. Mr.
Tee, who Is from Astoria, says he
generally has trouble explaining that
his surname is not an initial when
he tells people his name is plain Tee.
The Cross brothers arrived at the
Imperial yesterday on their way to
California for the winter. A. J. Cross
is a livestock man from Landes, Sask..
and B. H. Cross is a merchant of
Brockville, Ont. They will remain in
Portland a few days looking around
the city before continuing southward.
T. G. Bllgh. who Is about as well
known in Salem as is the statehouse.
is among the visitors recorded at the
Hotel Oregon. Mr. Bligh owns one of
the biggest buildings in the town, is
the movie impresario and buys good
real estate from his profits.
It was a lonesome, dismal, homeless
group of visitors who hung around
the lobbies of the hotels yesterday.
The usual flow of patrons was absent,
and In their stead were men who
hadn't any special place to go and had
nothing to do.
C. P. Hembree of "Willows. Cal.. ar
rived at the Imperial yesterday, which
recalls the information that "Buck"
"Wlllard has sold his Interest In the
Portland stockyards and is going to
Willows to engage In the cultivation
of rice.
A wanderer from Universal City,
Cal., Is John Walters, who Is at the
Hotel Oregon. Universal City, as the
movie fans know, is the establishment
where miles of film are turned out
every month. Mr. Walters Is "In
the f ilms."
W. D. Haley of Mahama dropped
Into the Perkins Christmas to spend
the day with his son and son's fam
ily. The son Is a resident of Portland,
but the cold Bnap caused them to seek
refuge at the Perkins, and they're
there yet-
Filled ylth the holiday spirit, a
patron of the Hotel Portland yester
day opened a wallet filled with nice,
new, crinkly greenbacks and began
handing out $5 notes to everyone from
the telephone operators to the desk
force.
With the plant closed for the holi
days, C Aalvlk, of the Aalvik-Domltt
Lumber company at Stevenson, Wash.,
came to the Hotel Oregon yesterday
to see how Christmas looks in
Portland.
P. L. Vincent, sawmill man of Dee.
which same is near Hood River, and
in the vicinity of where very luscious
Btrawberrles are grown, is an arrival
at the Hotel Portland.
John J. Collins, who upholds the
arm of Uncle faam as a deputy In
ternal revenue collector at Salem, Is
at the Hotel Oregon.
Chrlstmasers In Portland were State
Senator and Mrs. I. L. Patterson and
Judge and Mrs. E. C. Kirkpatrick of
Polk county.
E. M. Duffy, business manager for
the Oregon Agricultural college at
Corvallls, Is registered at the Hotel
Oregon.
Mr. and Mrs. Ernest C. Smith of
Hood River came to the Benson yes
terday to have a Christmas dinner in
Portland.
Speaking of unusual names. E. T.
Boatman, city, and L. Broadwater of
Puget Sound, are registered at the
Seward.
Addrrsa of Publication.
HOOD RIVER, Or.. Dec. 24. (To
the Editor.) Can you tell me If the
American Artisan ' Is published by
Daniel Stern, 68 Dearborn street. Chi
cago? I have never seen one for over
20 years, but representatives of Port
land hardware firms tell me It Is
still published In Chicago, but could
not give the address. It is a weekly
periodical In the interest of tinsmith
and sheet metal workers. I am anx
ious to get on the track of the Ameri
can Artisan ones more.
& B. EGBERT.
The American Artisan and Hard
ware Record Is published in Chicago
by Daniel Stern, 910 S. Michigan ave.
Bank's rhrlstnis Economy.
PORTLAND, Dec 25. (To the Edi
tor.) To settle a dispute, please an
swer the following: A says bank
managers used to give employes
turkey each for Christmas, being
obliged to economise, have this year
given a month's salary Instead. B
says there Is no economy. Which Is
riKht? u- R. WISE
It sounds plausible enough.
Goodnight.
By ' race K. HalL
Goodnight shall sometime mean good
bye forever
The hour glass is
too far away
to see.
The sands are running swiftly on;
they sever
The dearest ties most unexpectedly.
Goodnight! Who knows the import of
the parting?
Perhaps at dawn a silence shall
be all;
'Tis sad that memory brings so oft
a smarting.
As we a cold good night long to
recall!
Good night may mean forever; we are
going.
As flows the rushing stream where
It must flow.
And destiny our fragile craft is row
ing We answer when the signal comes
to go.
Within the homing harbor, all un
heeding, We bid departing friend a brief
good night.
Tet ere the sunrise he may be a-speed-lng
Far out, while tear-mist blurs his
ship from sight
NO WRONG-DOING IS CONFESSED
L. K. Swift Telia Packers' Motives In
Agreeing With Government.
CHICAGO. Dec. 20. (To the Edi
tor.) During the next few days the
newspapers will, through editorial
expression. Interpret for their readers
the significance, botli as to cause
and effect, of the recently announced
agreement between the attorney-
general and the packing concerns. A
statement of our motives in entering
this agreement I hope will be of In
terest to you.
Although It Is true that we have
agreed to sell our Interests In stock
yards, I want to assert emphatically
that our principal reason for being
Interested In stockyards has been to
Improve the facilities for the proper
marketing and handling of livestock
and that ownership in such yards has
not been used as a means of manipu
lating prices, of obtaining unfair
profits. I have often publicly an
nounced that we should be willing
to part with our interests In stork
yards if arrangements could be made
to continue their efficient operation
As for our willingness to stop han
dllng canned goods and a few other
commodities ordinarily sold by whole
sale grocers. I want to emphasize the
fact that there have been amrle
economic reasons for our handling
these products, in that we have the
distributive machinery to get these
goods from producer to consumer in
most direct and economical fashion
We believe eventually the public
would have come to realize the sound
ness of our position, but because of
the spirit of unrest and misunder
standing we are glad to make some
sacrifices and concessions. I believe
that it Is Just as necessary to make
such sacrifices during the uncertain
Deriod of reconstruction as it was
during the war.
Let me direct attention to the rac
that the decree to which we have
agreed to submit in no way finds u
guilty of combination In restraint o
trade or. of any other Illegal prac
tlces. Under no condition would
have consented to such a solution i
the decree were to charge us with
guilt.
For this reason, enjoining us rrom
combining to restrain trade 'will
no way affect our operations, becaus
we are an Independent unit In open
comnetition with the other larg
packers and with the hundreds
smaller ones. The decree in this re
spect will merely strengthen existing
law, which we are following to rne
letter.
With these thoughts in mlnrl. I trust
that you will appreciate the fact that
our position is in no way an admis
sion that we have been guilty oi an-
thine- economically, legally or morally
wrong, and that we have made this
concession with the sincere hope that
It will help to overcome the suspicion
which still lurks In the minds or many
people. L. F. SWIFT.
Ml'.RRV CHWST1MS.
Said the pumpkin to the turkey and
the cranberry Jen:
"This Christmas makes me weary.
Makes me trembly, weak and teary.
And I feel like letting out a dismal
yell.
T was once a Jolly fellow.
Round and smooth and fat and yel
low. And I never growled a growl, nor
sighed a sigh;
Now I feel like one forsaken,
I'm as flat as slab of bacon.
Since the cook has made me into
Christmas pumpkin pie."
Said the turkey: "Now you've s;itd if.
Merry Christmas, how I dread it!
How I used to gobble, gobble.
Got so fat I'd fairly wobble.
1 was always proudly strutting, and
without a single care;
Now my shape would keep you guess
ing Since they crammed me full of dress
ing. And my naked legs are pointing In
the air."
Now the jell spoke with a shiver,
All his being seemed to quiver.
And his voice was very acid when
he spnks:
"All my folks are plucked and stran
srlssL Boiled and squeezed and strained and
Tisnsrled:
I should say that Merry Christmas
Is a Joke.
See that boy around the corner?
Took to me like Jacks" Horner;
Looks at us Hke he could eat us
with a rake;
We must have our vengeance, fellows
T.t him eat until he bellows
With a gripping, good, old-fashioned
tummy -ache.
WILLIAM VAN GROOS.
DANGER IN VOTE SLACKERS TOO
Less to Blame Than Fnl-Hom
for Hers-er's Election.
VANCOUVER. Wash., Dec. 24. (To
the Editor.) The election of Victor
Berger for the second time to repre
sent the fifth Wisconsin district In
congress indicates that the voters who
are enemies to our form of govern
ment and free Institutions, and slack
ers who do not think it worth while
to ro to the polls are In the rftajbrlty
In that district, and there Is nearly
as much danger to representative
government In the latter class as
there Is In the former.
Berger and his roiiowers are op
posed to law and orderly government,
but he has taken advantage of every
twist and turn of the law In order to
delay his Incarceration In federal
prison to which he was sentenced
some months ago for violation of the
espionage act and for sedition. While
out on ball he has been allowed by a
complacent government to continue
the spread of his pernicious doctrines
and were he to be dealt with In strict
justice his sentence would be doubled
for recent utterances.
It Is utterly useless to seek to curb
the spread of radical doctrines by ar-
k, resting the small rry reas and I. W.
a ! "W's. when men like Berger are al
lowed to rant and rail against the
government that has given them the
oooortunitles they lacked in their na
tive countries. Dry up the flow of
sewage at the fountain head and the
resultant streams win naturally sub
.ids. FRANK W. STONE.
With a Kick in It.
By L. L. D.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If We Are One Day Late.
On Christmas day when skies are gray
Nobody really minds "em:
For ail, we'll say, are blithe and gay.
With sorrow tucked behind 'em. i
A word of cheer In your left ear
In simple verse we hall you;
And we do pray no future day
With trouble may assail you.
May Christmas bring you everything
You ever hankered after;
But best of all the test of all
We hope It brings you laughter.
SOS
All's Quiet on the Willamette.
We had a gat loaded for any swim
ming fan who might bob up with a
plan for a Christmas swim. But even
Harry Eddas played safe, and the day
passed without adding a ripple to the
prevailing crime wave.
Ah, There, Mitk Infantry!
Dover. N. J.. Dec 18. The Pica-
tinny arsenal, about seven miles from
here, was partially destroyed bv an
explosion followed by a fire about
midnight. The explosions caused no
casualties, but five United States ma
rines were injured, one orobabiv fa
tally."
"God Took the Sunshine From ths
Skies."
God took the sunshine from the skies
and wove It In your hair.
Then from the trees and leafy woods
and flying In the air
He called the sweetest songbirds
down and bid them all rejoice.
And, lo! He caught the clearest note
and kept it for your voice.
From glowing purple violets and bits
of azure skies.
With a glistening silver dew drop he
lasnioned your two eyes.
Then breathed on you. and bid you
speak, and you were wondrous
fair Ss
God took the sunshine from The skies
and wove It In your hair.
J BAN S.
Turkeys Being no Cents a Pound.
"The club will meet
this afternoon at luncheon at the
home of Mrs. . A pro
gramme and Christmas tree will fol
low the luncheon."
Yo Ho. Me Lads, Yo Ho!
She eat beneath the mistletoe.
And wondered why the men were
slow.
What was the reason this was so?
She had a face oh, well, you know.
S. H. W.
Excitement In Aberdeen.
Dear L. L. D.: The following bit of
scandal was published in the Aber
deen World: "She walked in her sleep
with Paul Norton."
MARJOR1E M.
s . s
Christmas Casualty.
$20,000 Left Wounded." says a head
line. More Truth Than Poetry.
By James J. Montague.
HOW THE CROW LOST HIS VOICE.
I've found out why the old black
crow
That .:avs the whole day long
As he sweeps winging to and fro
Can never sing a song.
A tragic tale it is. and sad
Yet every word ie true;
I heard it from a tiny lad
And here it is, for you:
Long, long ago, when in the trees
The songsters gave a ball.
And chanted choruses and glees
The crow outsang them all.
Although they strained their little
throats
In bursts of glorious song
Above their best soprano notes
His voice rang clear and strong.
But he was greedy, was the crow.
And when came autumn time
And all the birds prepared to go
To seek a sunnier clime.
He said. "I think I'll stay right here
For when they're gone, you see
(And here he leered a knowing leer)
There'll be more worms for me.
He stayed and caught a cold, of
course.
And when agnin came spring.
He found that he had grown so hoarse
He simply couldn't sing.
And now when winds blow cold and
raw
And he goes lumbering by
With nothing but a husky caw.
You'll know the reason why.
He'd Have "N n Inspiration Voir.
Tho poet who sang of sweetness
and light wrote before there was any
sugar and coal famine.
s
Foollnh Mr. Garfield.
Tf we had the control of the coal
In the country you bet we wouldn't
quit.
SOS
Fifty Mtlllona of Them.
Only Americans who were not horn
in the United States know how to
keep from looking self-conscious
when you begin to talk of presidential
possibilities.
(Copyright by ths BeTI Syndicate. las.).
In Other Days.
Twenty-five Years Ago,
From The Oregonian of December 26. 1894.
San Francisco. The steamer Colum
bia, which left San Francisco this
morning for Portland with passengers
and freight, was reported in distress
last night near Point Reyes.
In a train collision on the Oregon
Railway &. Navigation linn east of
The Dalles yesterday between pas
senger train No. 1 and a freight the
engineer of the freight train was
killed.
Fred Wooldrldge. a young man of
west Portland, fell from a motor car
last night and was 'crushed to death.
A dog show Is to be a feature today
of the holiday exposition and tomor
row has been set aside as Central
Labor Council day.
The annual session of the Stats
Teachers' association will open to
night with a meeting In the high
school buldlng.
THE SONG OF BETHLEHEM.
Sweet the song of Bethlehem,
A sacred song for every ear:
The tone Is sweet, the word Is clear.
Long has the Bethlehem song been
sung.
But who will congregate to hear
This sacred sons:, so sweet and true.
This song so old, this song so new.
This song for aged and for young?
Why all shall hear this wondrous
song:
Tts spiritual echoes, loud and free.
Resound to man. where'er he be
Upon life's broad highway.
And that all men may know, may
hear.
The wondrous world-wide Bethlehem
song.
Ring out the bells, loudly and long,
L'non the Joyous Christmas day.
BERTHA E. HUGHE Y.
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