10
TIIE MORNING OKEGOXIAN, TUESDAY, AUGUST 14, 1917.
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PORTLAND, TUESDAY, ATJGCST 14, 1917.
CPKUCE AS A MEAN'S OS VICTORY.
The mission of the allied aircraft
committee Is to enlist the aid of the
Pacific Coast In producing so great
an air fleet that victory for the allies
will be won In the shortest time, with
the greatest certainty and at the
smallest cost In life of allied troops.
Unlimited supplies of spruce lumber
are necessary, and these can be ob
tained on the North. Pacific Coast
alone. Spruce will form the frames
of the planes and the East will sup
ply the cloth to cover them and the
motors to operate them, while the In
trepid, daring youth of America will
man them. That Is the winning com
bination, and spruce Is an essential
part of It.
Authorities are agreed that the air
craft will be the decisive weapon of
the war. It Is the last thing in evo
lution of the art of war. Heavy ar
tillery, machine gun and rifle fire
has driven Infantry Into trenches and
has made cavalry of small value.
Long-range artillery has almost
stopped open fighting, but It created
necessity for the gunner to locate and
aim at a mark which Is Invisible to
him. Trench warfare has made It
impossible for scouts on foot or horse
back to locate an enemy's guns, sup
ply depots and reserve troops and to
return with the Information, for they
are far In the rear of the enemy's
trenches. Aircraft, equipped with
wireless, alone can do this.
Not only aircraft, but supremacy In
the air Is necessary. Without It, one
army is as well able as its opponent
to spot its targets and hit them, and
the deadlock of trench war Is ex
tended to- the air. By attaining su
premacy an army's air fleet drives the
enemy's airmen to earth and by pre
venting direct observation of its po
sitions prevents the enemy's artillery
from locating its marks, thus driving
the gunners to rely on random shots.
Being able to do everything which
Its blinded enemy Is prevented from
doing, an army which commands the
air can destroy the enemy's trenches,
guns, supply depots, reserves and lines
of communication. It can also spring
surprise attacks on the enemy's
trenches, the first intimation of which
does not come to the enemy until in
tense artillery fire opens, only half
an hour before the infantry attack
too late for adequate preparation to
repel the attack.
That is one of the main uses of air
craft to restore that element of sur
prise which it has so far removed
from this war. Many of the decisive
battles of history have been won by
surprise, a force suddenly appearing
on an enemy's flank while all his
dispositions were made to meet the
main army in front or a small
army moving rapidly to attack the
several divisions of a larger army in
detail, a stratagem to which Napoleon
resorted for victory over the Aus
trians In Italy. Aircraft has made
this impossible by spying out every
movement in the whole field of hos
tilities and by promptly signaling: it
to headquarters.
After the battle of the Alsne both the
Franco-British and the German cav
cJry swung out farther on the wings
of their respective armies in an at
tempt to outflank, but both 'ailed,
for aircraft gave warning. Both .vings
finally extended to the sea, and the
armies became locked in a struggle to
drive each other out of fixed positions.
How deadly is such a struggle, how
Bmall the results of success compared
with their cost, when neither has un
questioned control of the air, was
shown by the battles of Verdun, the
Eomme. Arras, Messines Ridge, Cra
onne and Flanders. Those victories of
the allies were largely due to the su
periority in the air, combined with
greater weight of artillery, for this
enabled them to wreck the "enemy
lines, smash whole batteries with di
rect hits, destroy the morale of troops,
cut off supplies and raid lines of com
munications. But their success was
limited by the Germans' ability to con
test and at times to gain air suprem
acy. A far more rapid advance must
be made if the war is not to drag
on for years and If the present slaugh
ter is not to continue.
The allies must be given such un
dlsputable superiority in numbers and
quality ot aircraft and In skill and
daring of airmen that a German will
no sooner attempt to take the air than
he will be beaten to earth again, that
great fleets of allied airmen may be
able to soar at will over the German
lines, - spotting artillery positions,
bombing depots and scattering rein
forcements with machine gun fire at
low altitude. Then the allies would
be able to move troops, artillery and
eupplies at will and in security, un
known to the Germans, while they
could spy out every German position
and movement. They could then mass
great forces at selected points and
make a resistless drive which would
break through the enemy's line, out
flank his forces to right and left and
compel a general withdrawal. They
could send great flocks of airmen to
a distance of fifty or sixty miles be
hind the froit to work such havoc
with bombs and machine guns that
the entire organization of the Ger
mans would be broken, their commu
nications cut, their reliefs prevented
from coming up, their stores of am
munition and food destroyed and their
morale ruined by the conviction of
irretrievable defeat.
These things are planned by the
American Government, but they can
not be done without the patriotic co
operation of the American people. For
three years Britain, France and Italy
have been striving for dominion in the
air. They have won a certain degree
of superiority, tor their mm ar un
doubtedly superior, and they profited
by the fact greatly in the battles of
the last year, but they have not suc
ceeded In driving the Germans out of
the air and keeping them down to
earth. That requires far superior
numbers as well as superior skill. The
allies are exerting themselves to in
crease the number of planes, but so
are the" Germans, and it Is almost a
neck-and-neck race, though the latter
betray signs that their supply of good
material is giving out. The United
States ,can provide the numbers by
standardized production, after the
manner in which automobiles are
turned out by the thousSnd. Our
young men have the temperament
which will enable them easily to ac
quire the skill from their French, Brit
ish and Italian teachers, who have
proved themselves masters of the air
on every front.
This is the opportunity of the Pa
cific Coast to supply one of the requi
sites for the main factor in that vic
tory which must be so complete that
the Kaiser shall be powerless to carry
out the threats he made to Mr. Gerard.
Spruce lumber, as fast as It can be
made into planes and as fast as these
can be equipped with motors, Is what
the Government asks of Oregon. No
other demands, a no questions about
wages or hours of labor should hin
der prompt compliance with the call
of the allied democracies.
THE REAL KAISER.
The Emperor showed great bitterness
against the United States .ojid repeatedly
said: ''America bad better'look out after
this war," and "I shall stand no nonsense
from America after the war." From the
letters of Ambassador Gerard.
America is in the war and will not
have to reckon single-handed with the
Kaiser and Junkerism after the Euro
pean war. We have had the option
of fighting Germany as an ally of
Great Britain, France, Russia and the
others or of being obliged to under
take the Job alone. We have wisely
chosen the first alternative.
The supreme service rendered to the
American people by Mr. Gerard is in
his authoritative and convincing ex
position of the actual German thought
and purpose. The Kailser is not only
now our enemy but he has been our
enemy.
What a sorry plight America unpre
pared would have been in to face
without an ally a victorious and re
lentless Kaiser.
LET IT BE MADE CLEAR.
The Oregonlan desires at this time
to make but an observation or two as
as to the plan for an extra session of
the Legislature to authorize, the Port
of Portland to bond itself for $9,000,
000 to build and operate Portland
owned ships.
It is not clear. whether the proposal
is for the Port of Portland Commis
sion, upon authority of the Legisla
ture, to issue direct $9,000,000 in
bonds, or whether there is to be a
referendum to the people residing
within the boundaries of the port.
If the former, it will be necessary
for the Legislature to add an emer
gency clause to the bill in order to
avoid a state referendum; and no
Legislature will do It. It would in
volve no loss of time, then, to submit
that question direct, through the
initiative without legislative action.
If the latter, much the same ques
tion as to an emergency clause to the
original legislative measure will arise.
Could the Legislature be persuaded to
pass a measure, with an emergency
clause, merely permitting the people
of the port to have a referendum as
to the $9,000,000 bonds? We doubt
it. It would In effect be shutting off
an opportunity for a referendum by
the state as a whole.
The whole question of a special ses
sion, to pass emergency legislation, is
surrounded by practical difficulties;
and it ought to be made perfectly clear
just what is proposed before the Gov
ernor is asked to act.
The last Legislature, upon request
from the Portland Chamber of Com
merce, passed an enabling act for the
Port of Portland to vote about $1,
000,000 in bonds for a Portland-owned
shipping enterprise. Now the state at
large, through the Legislature, is to
be asked to correct, for Portland's
benefit, Portland's own error in un
derestimating its shipping needs if
they are underestimated. It may fair
ly be said by the state that Portland
ought to have made up Its mind more
definitely and finally what it wants.
THE GASOLINE SCARE.
Doubtless the old familiar law of
supply and demand will settle the
gasoline question without the drastic
remedy, whatever it is, suggested by
the Federal authorities. They inti
mate that something or other must be
done to stop excessive joyriding.
What is joyriding? If it is an orgy
of speed and drink, participated in by
reckless men and careless and care
free women, of course it ought to be
stopped. If it is a trip to the country
with a lunch in the fresh woods or
by a murmuring stream, or a tovjr
from town to town or state to state,
or one of many pleasurable uses the
American citizen finds for the motor
car, it cannot be suspended, without
reorganizing the whole scheme of
American life. If a social revolution
is necessary to win the war, let It
come: but if it may be won -without,
why precipitate it?
The needs of the Army and Navy
must of course be given first consid
eration in gasoline. The output for
a year In the United States is roughly
stated to be 2,500,000,000 gallons, and
it is said that the Government for
war and other necessary purposes will
call for 350,000,000 gallons. It is
about one-seventh of the total. The
way ought to be easy. Let the Presi
dent, or his representative, take what
is wanted, leaving the great balance
for commercial and private use.
The result will be doubtless to ad
vance the price, and the amount of
gasoline used will thus automatically
decrease. If it does not, or If the
great corporations engaged in the oil
business seek to monopolize the mar
ket and withhold the product except
at extravagant figures, it may then
bo time to Hooverlze the situation and
fix maximum quantities for private
consumption.
Gasoline is a sensitive article. It
appears to respond readily to the law
of free barter and sale. We suppose
that is the reason why in the past
year or more it has nearly doubled in
price. If it shall double again, there
will be far fewer automobiles on the
streets and state roads.
We have never seen a satisfactory
explanation as to why the price, which
a few months ago was falling steadily,
suddenly turned and has gone up with
no variation.
Roumania prepares to add to the
number of refugee governments by
moving its King into Russia. The
government of Belgium 1 at Havre,
France; that of Serbia at Salonikl,
Greece, and that of Montenegro is, the
Lord knows where. But there will be
a glad home-coming some day.
THE HOOVER WAY.
The food-control bill became law
and Mr. Hoover was appointed food
director on August 10. Two days later
the new official laid before the peo
ple a complete and well thought out
plan for control of the wheat crop.
He could not have completed it in two
days. While the Senate had been talk
ing, he had been working, and the
Senate no sooner stops talking than
he is ready to act.
If Senators Reed, Gore and others
of their kind had had their way, Mr.
Hoover would not have begun to work
until they had ceased to talk, and
more weary but precious weeks would
have been wasted in preparation. The
Senators considered Mr. Hoover's con
duct highly reprehensible in going to
work while they talked, for it evinced
confidence that their torrent of words
would avail nothing to defeat the bill
and an opinion that their eloquence
was of no consequence.
That is the difference between a
business man and a politician. To the
business man action Is the only thing
that counts, and words are of use only
to expedite action. To the politician
words are everything, and his proud
est moment Is when he views a great
pile of Congressional Records and re
flects that they are full of words,
largely his own. His chief anxiety
being to hold his job, he shrinks from
action lest It should cause loss of
votes, and covers his cowardice with
a cloud of words, as the devilfish cov
ers his retreat with a flood of ink.
If we had a Hoover for President,
assisted by a Cabinet of Hoovers, how
things would hum at Washington, but
what wailing and lamentation there
would be among the politicians and
what a host of incompetents would be
fired!
VACATION.
It is a. poor boast that one has not
taken a vacation in twenty-five years.
The late Russell Sage, and some other
noteworthy figures in the world, made
it, and seemed to justify themselves
with good health and longevity, but the
average man is not built that way.
Vacation, suitably employed, is as nec
essary to the human machine as an
occasional tuning up is necessary to
the delicate mechanism of a subma
rine. But rest does not mean idleness.
Change of occupation, new surround
ings, a different climate when prac
ticable, furnish the ideal stimulating
combination. The mere act of making
new acquaintances is good for the
tired cells of the brain. Vigorous out
door exercise, to the point of utter
physical weariness, is a sovereign
medicine for the mind that is over
wrought. There are a lot of worse
things to do than getting out in the
harvest field, provided one's heart Is
in the work, bufthe Important consid
eration Is abiding personal interest in
whatever one chooses to do. In the
routine of everyday life there are
many duties that are irksome only be
cause they are compulsory. It Is rest
ful to be able to follow one's own
inclinations, by way of change.
Life seems to be a more serious
business this year than ever. It be
hooves the citizen to keep himself fit
for the job of living. The Russell
Sages and the Edisons are few In
number; most men will find that va
cations pay real dividends, in better
all-around attitude toward life and
also in dollars and cents.
GERMAN PEACE MANEUVERS.
The controversy between Premier
Lloyd George and Arthur Henderson
in regard to the Stockholm Socialist
peace conference, which has led to the
resignation of the latter from the
British Cabinet and to his receipt of
a sharp letter from the Premier ac
cusing him of duplicity, will hasten an
agreement among the allies as to in
formal peace negotiations between
certain classes or sections of their own
and enemy nations.
The Initiative in calling the Stock
holm conference was obviously taken
by German and pro-German Swedish
Socialists with the encouragement of
the German government. It Is a new
piece of that German propaganda
which aims to promote division among
Germany's enemies by appeals to the
passions, prejudices and theories of
sections among their people. It Is in
the same class as that which caused
the rebellion in South Africa, the con
spiracies in India, the Casement expe
dition to Ireland, the fake neutrality
league. Labor's Peace Council, the
Conference for Democracy and Terms
of Peace and various pacifist move
ments In this country. It appeals to
the sentiment for internationalism,
class consciousness and the solidarity
of labor in all European and Ameri- I
can countries. It aims to enlist in the
cause of an immediate, German peace
an element in each of the countries at
war with Germany. That element
would be an ally of Germany, an
auxiliary of the German army. In Its
own country. Such activity, by weak
ening the fighting arm of the country
concerned, is constructive treason.
War, by its very nature, demands
that each nation act as a unit in deal
ing with other nations, especially with
those against which it is arrayed. The
presence of any element which. In ,
concert with like forces in a hostile
country, strives to influence the policy
of the Government in making war and
negotiating peace, should not be tol
erated. It is legitimate in a demo
cratic country to influence the gov
ernment as to terms of peace, but not
when acting In concert with any of
the enemy. But it is not permissible,
when a nation has engaged in war to
attain certain avowed ends with full
knowledge and approval of the great
majority of the people, to attempt
persuasion to draw back before those
ends are attained or before their at
tainment has become manifestly Im
possible. The Stockholm conference is pri
marily a German maneuver to bring
about a separate peace with Russia.
Its success In that particular could
only have ended In terribly weakening
the alliance against Germany, In mak
ing the task of the allies which re
mained true to the cause of democracy
more arduous, in prolonging the war
and in Increasing whatever doubt ex
ists as to its outcome. President Wil
son saw this, and therefore wisely re
fused passports to American delegates.
President Gompers, of the American
Federation of Labor, also saw it and
denounced the conference. The Brit
ish Seamen's and Firemen's Union
saw it, and refused to Join in sending
delegates. How Mr. Henderson could
have been Induced to favor the con
ference is a mystery after he had seen
that it was favored in Russia only by
' the faction which was under German
Influence and which was responsible
for the demoralization and retreat of
the Russian army and after he had
seen ho"w all other parties in Russia
rallied to the support of Kerensky.
In the same class with the Stock
holm conference are the moves of
such copperheads as Senators Stone
and La Follette to open discussion of
peace terms. They, are devices of the
enemy to induce the United States to
stop short of the end for which we
declared war. The allies have only
begun to gain that end, and they have
far to go before it will be gained. This
country has only begun to prepare,
and cannot strike a telling blow be
fore Spring. The rulers of Germany
see defeat before them, and with it
loss of their power over their country.
Peace at this time would save them,
and would give them time for a new
effort to win world-power. If the
United States were to stop now, it
would have to begin again ten, twenty
or thirty years hence, perhaps with
out allies and against a more power
ful Germany. Now is the time to
finish what we have undertaken. Any
American who proposes peace under
such conditions as now exist is serving
the Kaiser, not the United States. -
UNPROFITABLE IMPATIENCE.
Prune growers of the Northwest
will do well to heed the warning given
by the Oregon Agricultural College
Experiment Station against the waste
ful practice of shaking the trees too
vigorously in the effort to hasten the
harvest. The warning is especially
timely this season because of the com
parative latness of fruit crops, which
has increased the impatience of grow
ers and their fears of loss through
early rains. Premiums for early de
livery, the experiment station declares,
are not likely to offset loss from early
picking, while weather records show
that rain is as much to be expected
early in September as late.
Nature puts the finishing touch on
the prune in the last few days of its
growth. Full maturity Is especially
desirable where the fruit Is to be
dried, for it is not only sweeter at
that time but loses considerably less
proportionate weight in the process of
evaporation. This is important, not
only because it increases the total
weight of the crop, but because a
higher price per pound Is paid for the
larger sizes.
Repeated experiments have demon
stated that, taking one year with an
other, it is better to trust nature as
a guide in making the prune harvest.
In 1914, for example, the Oregon Ex
periment Station did not start picking
prunes until September 11, although
the majority of growers were well un
der way with their harvest on Sep
tember 6. It was found that if the
experiment station had waited even
longer, It would have made a distinct
gain. By making comparison with
check trees, it"-was found that grow
ers lost 6 per cent of the dried fruit
by shaking the trees, and that the
immature prunes dried away more
than the mature, making an addition
al loss of 6 per cent. This loss of 12
per cent was an item of considerable
moment to the grower. The labor
cost of shaking the trees was esti
mated at more than a dollar a ton
additional.
Patience is especially profitable at
the time of the prune harvest. Every
dollar added to the price of the crop
is an addition to the profit: the cost
of growing is a fixed charge that al
ready has been met. - .
It Is well enough to have a commit
tee which will" check up war expendi
tures after they are made and which
will uncover and punish abuses. It is
inevitable that in the hurry of war
some abuses will occur, but we would
better suffer a few than have a smell
ing committee to block action with
Us hearings and inquiries and to scare
officials away from proper action. The
delay which such a committee may
cause in some urgent matter might
easily result in more loss than would
be Involved in all the abuses which
might occur in the whole course of
the war. But the checking commit
tee should be fathered by men of
Jtnown loyalty, not by men whose
names instantly suggest, a question.
The farmers are stampeding to bor
row money under the rural credit
law, that they may raise big crops
next year. They are having their in
nings, and can smile while munition
manufacturers pay the war profits
tax.
If that English-French handbook
prepared for the Army has diagrams
showing how to ask and answer by
hunching the shoulders, the text Is
superfluous.
The Idea of a button for the man
exempt seems absurd, with the ratio
of two passing for service and ten
claiming exemptions in the dozen ex
amined. The first big forest fire will close
the deer season until rains come, and
it is up to the individual hunter to
be the man who is careful.
The air raids on the English coast
remind one of the Apache raids of
long ago, and the victims are similar
women and children.
It Is bad enough to be run down
by an autolst, but when the run
downer la a Celestial it is worse than
badness it's madness.
Strassburg is offering ' unlimited
food for two weeks to people who
marry, but where do they get the
men?
If all the exemptions claimed are
allowedi there will be nobody left for
a third call. If it is made.
If animals are being sold to butch
ers by cattle thieves, the hides ought
to furnish clews.
There is a rising market on ham,
which hits the sandwich betwixt and
between.
Portland is learning the use of the
penny and will know It better ere long.
The police force may date every
thing from today until the next time.
Anybody can smile into the camera
who Inherits a $500,0130 fortune.
The war will be won by Oregon;
that is, Oregon spruce.
It needed the war to standardize
the eight-hour day.
Rain, did somebody say? What is
rain like, anyway?
Men who dynamite fish are regular
Prussians.
Gleams Through the Mist.
By Deal Collins.
SOMEWHERE NEAR WHITE SALMON.
Dear Editor:
My colyum's here, -
And I intrust to you to run it;
Although the trout stream murmurs
near
"I seen my duty, and I done it."
Although In my vacation time
I'd truly rather roam than rhyme.
P. S. While in the woods I play
And merrily my time employ,
I beg you don't forget each Say
To feed the Courteous Office Boy.
THAT HOT WEATHER POME.
"I stood on the bridge at midnight.
Observing the gloaming gloam;
And I said to myself, 'If I did right,
I'd go home and scribble a pome!'"
It was back In the hot apell In the
well-known Fall of '16 that I wrote
those lines to begin a hot weather
pome, and It was only recently that
Andrew Ellison, of Walla Walla, flat
tered me by writing and wanting it
reprinted.
Since it Is really easier to go ahead
and write a whole new pome than to
back-track and dig: up the old one. I
agreed to make a new one for Andrew,
and here it la and we hope he wll
find it satisfactory:
THE HOT SPELL.
The saffron morn shone o'er the grass
When from his office I saw pass
The Weather Man, all grave and glum.
Unpacking a glass dingus from
Excelsior
And when unpacking It was done,
1 saw him hang it in the sun
A new thermometer, you know.
To which he murmured, soft and low,
"Excelsior!"
The mercury at his behest.
Out of its bulb lnstanter pressed.
And when it climbed to sixty-four
The Weather Man remarked, once more,
TExcelsiorl"
On up the tube the fluid flew.
Until it stood at eighty-two.
And folks remarked, '"It's getting hot!"
Still said the Weather Man, I wot;
"Excelsior!"
To ninety climbed the strange device,
And people clamored loud for ice;
But still the Weather Man, poor boob,
Said to the bright juice in the tube:
"Excelsior!"
"Oh, stop!" the simmering Fat Man
cried
When two-and-ninety he espied.
"We've stood as much as mortal can!"
But still proclaimed the Weather Man,
"Excelsior!"
"Beware the sunstroke!" men would
roar
When up it shot to ninety-four.
And folks spread butter with a hose.
The Weather Main said, through his
nose:'
"Egg-zelzlor!"
At ninety-six the woods caught fire,
And men by hundreds did expire;
But still the fluting mercury
Stuck to the motto faithfully,
"Excelsior!"
To ninety-eight at length It got.
And to a hundred then It shot.
And while It sizzled upward still
The Weather Man cried with a will:
"Excelsior!"
Five degrees more, it did its worst.
And with a pop the tube was burst;
With wilted collar, beaded brow.
The Weather Man gasped out somehow:
"Excelsior!"
That evening when a wild mob ran
To seize and lynch the Weather Man,
They found him sizzled to a crisp.
His blackened lips still framed to lisp:
"Excelsior!"
ANATHEMA.
O, cruel, heartless Ice Man,
While heated spell prolongs.
You grip, O, far from nice man,
Our bank roll with your tongs;
And with each added day's degrees
Tour cold heart colder seems to freeze.
The shekels from our purse you
Drag out by harsh device, .
And yet we dare not curse you
Lest you deny us ice;
And while you weigh the dwindling gob
We must fawn on you, though you rob.
Lord of the frozen splinter.
There is no hope, not much.
That soon the chilly Winter
Will free us from your clutch
For, O, harsh man, without a soul.
You'll turn and stick us then for coal.
O, Ellison (Andrew), the best a man
can do
When thus Importuned for a poem
by one;
la Just to get busy and write till he's
dizzy.
Which same, as you lately requested,
I've done.
So, Andrew, peruse it. I hope you can
use it.
For though I Son't want to get In,
with you, Dutch;
O, truly, "I druther" not write still an
other Because It busts up my vacation, too
much.
HOME-OWNED FLEET BEST HOPE
Taxpayers Would Profit From Bonds
Issued to Build Snips.
PORTLAND, Aug. 13. (To the Edi
tor.) We notice considerable agitation
of late regarding a bond Issue to con
struct ships to operate out of, and be
owned by, the Port of Portland, in the
Interest of Portland and tributary ter
ritory, with the Idea of again putting
Portland on the map as a shipping cen
ter. It Is my opinion that this end can be
accomplished In no other way, owing
to the scarcity of ships and the preju
dice of shipping interests toward Port
land. Privately owned steamer lines
will not be gotten to. operate out of
here for many years to come. This
handicap is fast making Portland an
interior village, and It seems to the
writer that If people owning property
In Portland on a fixed basis of value
wish to keep their values intact, they
must be prepared to pay some taxes,
to be applied to shipping. That will
not only keep their values intact, but
will increase them enough to cover the
additional expenditure.
I am not a pessimist, but. being In
close touch with the shipping busi
ness, I believe that Portland has been
going backward for some time, and It
looks as though this idea was about
her only hope.
A special session of the Legislature
could probably be called, and could un
doubtedly pass this legislation If the
matter bad sufficient support and pub
licity. JL RUPERT.
Would-Be Soldier' Ills.
By James Barton Adams.
I can't help lick .the Kaiser, fur they
wouldn't let me go, rejected at the
medical Inspection, don't you know, an'
from the things they told me I've a
sort o' Idee I had better git my earthly
things in proper shape to die. When
first I stood afore 'em they just skeered
me half to death by sayin' I'd a case o'
rheumatism of the breath, an' all be
cause I'd emptied quite a hefty whisky
glass to brace me fur the fierce ordeel
I knowed I'd have to pass. They made
me peel my duds as a perliminary act,
an' I felt sort o' proudish, fur I
reckoned fur a fact they'd find in me a
model of a man without a peer what
you might term a true apollinaris
belvydere, but just in half a minute all
my hopes begun to fall; they found I
was afflicted with enlargement o' the
gall, an' said the meningitis was a
trifle out o' line, the same "a-bein'
somethin' supplemental to the spine.
One of 'em stroked his whiskers in a
manner quite confused an' said the
hippopotamus appeared to be contused,
an' that the equinoctial epigram, it
seemed to him, was bellicosed sufficent
fur to throw it out o' trim. In . the
hypogastric region there was somethin"
out o' whack, lnterferin' with the
proper elocution o' the back an' the
plutocratic data o' the hyperdermis
Ehowed paralytic evolutions not ac
cordin' to the code, an' they found some
cornucopias adherent to the toes, an'
said my veins o' humor seemed inclined
to varicose, an' the epiliptlc gases which
surround the mortlbus didn't fill their
functionary avocations wuth a cuss. So
they broke It to me gently in a sympa
thetic way that I wasn't fit fur service
an' they guessed I'd have to stay an'
I coincided with 'em, fur instead o'
seekin' war, any guy that's so afflicted
ort to spend his time in pra'r, fur I
know I'm near the border of the happy
huntin' ground from them physicky
conditions that the Army doctors
found.
ERRORS OK SEA-SOXQ WRITERS
Forecastle Pokes Fun at Lubbers Who
Employ Lingo Strange to Them.
VANCOUVER. Wash., Aug. 9. (To
the Editor.) Something has been writ
ten regarding the folly of the unsophis
ticated In attempting to compose poems
and songs which might appeal to sol
diers in active service. Much might also
be wrjtten regarding the imbecility of
landsmen who attempt to write sea
songs. In either case the impossibility
is absolute. In proof of this I would
refer to some sea songs: First, "A Life
on the Ocean Wave." Now, when sung
in the fo'castle this song goes thus:
A life on the ocean wave:
Faith, tlie lad who composed It was green.
For he never had been to sea
Nor a sea-going vessel had seen.
The author of this popular song as
tonishes us by writing:
Pet sail, farewell to the land.
The wind follows far abaft.
This ship could "show her heels to
the wind," "run away from the wind,"
"outsail the wind." Surely some ship!
Even our own much-admired poet,
usually very clever in expression, ran
wild in describing the acrobatic antics
of his ship when she struck. He wrote:
She reared, she pawed like a frighted steed.
She leaped a cable's length.
Now, we must believe that Mr. Long
fellow had no sense of "cable length,"
or he never would have made such as
tounding statement.
Among the many foolish sea songs
none ranks higher than the following:
A wet sheet and a flowing; sea,
A wind that follows fast.
That fills a white and rustling sail
And bends a gailant mast.
Now, the taffrail parody on this fool
ing is:
A wet sheet and a flowing sea.
And sure it was writ by a bloke,
A lubber who thought that a sheet was a sail,
-While 'Us naught but a bit of a rope.
It is difficult to imagine what the
author of this song was trying to
"pipe off." It would seem that his ship
was becalmed and that he hoped by
wetting the sails to render them im
pervious to the wind and thus "bag the
wind," "fill," "belly out," "draw,"
"lug." But in place of wetting the sails,
he wet the sheets (small rope cordage).
Nothing gained by this. But why wet
the sails? This ship cannot be In a
"calm." Does not the wind follow
"fast"? While no seaman knows what
a "fast" wind is, the fact that it "bends
a gallant mast" proves that It was
blowing "great guns."
To the seaman "fast" Is at all times
an abbreviation of steadfast. (Hence
"stand fast," "hold fast," "make fast"
"lay fast," etc.). While we do not know
which is the "gallant mast," we do
know that nothing short of a living
gale will bend any of the masts. Now,
if the wind is bending masts, why in
God's name is he wetting his sails? She
should be under close reef, with only
storm sails "a-wind." Again, he speaks
of "wefsheet" (meaning sail, of course)
and "rustling sail" In the same breath.
Now, the veriest landlubber knows
that wet sails cannot rustle. Sails rus
tle only when absolutely dry. But he
crowns this with the following:
" Away the good ship flies
And leaves old England on her lee.
He has told us that the wind is fol
lowing the ship. He has told us the
ship is leaving England. Now he tells
that England Is on the ship's lee. It
is plain that if the ship is followed by
a wind blowing "off England that
England must be dead a-win'ard and
that the ship's course Is "dead" a-lee-ward.
TITAN.
CAN KNIT, BUT HAS NO TARN
Chance for Co-operation In Making; of
Socks for Our Soldiers at the Front.
TANGENT. Or, Aug. 5. (To the Edi
tor.) On the editorial page of The
Oregonian there is an article entitled.
"Socks."
I greatly desire to work for both
Army and Navy. I cannot sew, but I
can knit. You may realize that I can
knit well, and socks at that. when. I
tell you that I learned It thoroughly,
as only Germans can teach It, when at
school in Germany at 10 years of age.
I am English, with all my people in
the Army. The helmets and sweaters
are all as easy as play to me.
I can knit but I cannot afford the
wool. Now If some of the wealthy
people who wish to help will buy the
wool (only Fleischer's yarn) I will knit
whatever they desire socks by the
carload and they are well knitted, and
after years of wear will be as soft as
! the first day they were made. My
family can vouch for them.
When I tell you that I knit socks
and do all my reading at the same
time without dropping a stitch, you
will realize that I know how to knit.
I am almost a stranger In this part
of Oregon, but I can give any number
of references in Salem, where we had
our home until about five years ago.
Please, Mr. Editor, help me to get
in touch with someone In Portland.
They can finance it and have the glory.
I shall be satisfied if I can do some
thing for the many who will need it
badly this coming Winter.
MRS. ANNIE PENNEBAKER.
Home Guard Qualifications.
PORTLAND, Aug. 13. (To the Edi
tor.) Please state the age limit for
home guard entry and where to apply.
D. W. GARDNER.
There Is no age limit, but one must
be a Spanish-American war veteran.
Apply at Armory, Tenth and Couch
streets, on Monday or Friday night.
In Other Days.
Half a Century Aero.
From The Oregonlan of August 14, 1867. .
What would the good folk of Oregon
say to the total abstinence laws of New
England? In Maine they actually Im
prison a man if he sells a glass of cider,
to say nothing of wine or lager beer.
Mr. C. W. Burrage, late city surveyor,
has been making some calculations re
cently on the height of Mount Hood.
His conclusion is that the altitude of
the mountain is less than 12,000 feet.
New Orleans Vera Cruz advices state
that the Mexicans refuse to deliver the
body of Maximilian to the Austrian
steamer Elizabeth.
In Great Britain and Ireland there Is
an excess of 877,000 females.
An Interesting race is to take plaoe
Wednesday over Charley Bird's track,
near Vancouver, between Shea's mare
and an Oregon horse, name not learned.
The stakes are $500 a side.
London Advices from Berlin state
that the utmost energy Is being mani
fested in preparations for war, which
are being hurried forward.
Twenty-Five Years Ago.
From Tha Oreffonlun of August 14, 1S92.
London The new Cabinet and the
other new appointments yet to be made
are the sole topic of discussion. Con
trary to the view expressed by some
newspapers, Mr. Gladstone will " be
Premier in all that the name Implies.
He will control the policy of the Cab
inet at home and abroad, and every
member of the Cabinet will be in thor
ough accord with his chief.
Washington Business is being rushed
at each of the Congressional campaign
headquarters in this city. The Repub
licans have laid in 6,000,000 of large
franked envelopes and 8,000,000 wrap
pers. They are sending out literature
on the tariff. The Democrats are also
sending out tariff literature. '
Salem During the night at the state
prison four convicts sawed their way
out and their escape was not discov
ered until morning. In the two adjoin- 0
ing cells dummies were found.
The sixth annual convention of the
North Pacific Turn-Bezirk, as tue gen
eral association of turnvereins in this
section is called, met in Portland yes
terday. Rev. Alfred Kummer's term as pastor
of the Taylor-street Methodist Episco
pal Church expires September 4, and he
will deliver his farewell sermon on that
date.
The Independent pilots are working
quietly to gain a foothold In the river
service and are confident that they
will soon be able to force the Union
Pacific to recognize their rights to
pilot ships up and down the river.
TEACHING GERMAN IN SCHOOLS
Writer Protests Against Exclusion of
Language of Research, nnd Criticism.
EUGENE, Or., Aug. 10. (To the Ed
itor.) The Oregonian states that the
schools of Astoria are going to exclude
the teaching of the German language.
This is because of the present war. How
senseless! There is, in logic and jus
tice, no relation between the two.
To exclude the teaching of that lan-
gauge is an insult to several millions
of those who are of our best citizen
ship. That language is ..their mother
tongue. Such an exclusion is an outrage upon
knowledge. German is the kingly lan
guage of research and of criticism. No
other language compares with it in
those fundamental branches of knowl
edge. German Is the language of Luther,
Gutenberg. Goethe, Schiller, Beethoven,
Froebel. and a host of other glorious
names.
It would be equally consistent In
principle to exclude German music; to
sing no more "Holy Night. Silent
Night." It would be equally consistent
in principle to ignore the inestimable
teachings of German science!
Those responsible for the exclusion
of the teaching of German are in real
ity modern barbarians. Yours,
RICHARD BROOKE.
FOREIGN LABORERS JOIN I. W. W.
Nearly Every Bulgarian and Austrian
Has Card, Is Charge.
PORTLAND, Aug. 13. (To the Edi
tor.) Can you tell me why it is that
the cheapest class of laborers, such as
Bulgarians and Austrians, are refusing
to work, when they can have the big
gest wages ?3 to J5 per day they
ever got? This class of laborers never
before believed In labor organization.
They used to work for $1.50 and $1.75
per day, and they never give up a po
sition until they finished the Job or got
sick.
I have lived In Portland seven years,
and most of my time has been spent
with the laboring class. I never saw
one of the above-mentioned men take
any part in the I. W. W. Now, I don't
believe there are a half dozen in town
without the green I. W. W. card, and
they are the biggest trouble makers in
town.
M. R. M.
A Laborer.
WHY GIVE EXEMPTION REASONS T
Mr. Cline Says Every Man Drawn Should
Be Held to His Duty.
PORTLAND, Aug. 13. (To the Edi
tor.) Nothing is now plainer than the
blunder of listing reasons for exempt
ing men drafted for service under the
conscription act. Not one word should
have been said about exemption.
War Is a gruesome business. It can
not be made a convenience, and every
man drawn should be held, leaving It
to the examining boards to discover
physical disabilities alone for excusing
men, rather than the Government put
ting into their mouths trumped-up ex
cuses for evading military duty, much
of it the sheerest perfidy, delaying with
endless vexations the organizing of an
efficient force, the need of which is ex
treme. The present farce of making
excuses should cease and the country
given an army. C. E. CLINE.
Chevalier Kntsch Ready.
TANGENT, Or, Aug. 11. (Dear Mr.
Redacteur.) I've seen in your paper the
call for interpreders, I would be ready
to accept a shop. We have to learn
French and German In our school In
Alsace, read and write both of these
languages.
I will not call me a professor of the
U. S. language, but as you see, I can
make me understand and translate this
In both ways. Beside I know the coun
trv when thev are flErhtinc nnd wah
J 7 years graduated soldier, French "cav
alier and lnterpreder before I ame a
citizen from 1888. I would not appliy
If I would not be prepared for.
JEAN KUTSCH.
Remarriage After Divorce.
VANCOUVER, Wash, Aug. 12. (To
the Editor.) Can one, a resident of
Washington, legally marry within six
months after securing a divorce? If
so, can he or she be married in any
state, or only in Washington, the state
where the divorce was Becured?
ELLEN HANSEN.
The only one a divorced person may
marry within six months In Washing
ton is the one from whom such person
was divorced.