Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937, July 31, 1917, Page 8, Image 8

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    8
TIIE MORNING " OREGONIAN, TUESDAY, JULY 31. 1917.
PORTLAXD, OREGON.
Entered at Portland (Oregon). Postofflce as
aecond-clasa mail matter.
Subscription ratea invariably In advance;
(By Mail.) . -
Dally, Sunday Included, one year. . . ?. .
Daily, Sunday Included, alx months 4.2.,
Iaily. Sunday included, three montha... 2.j
Iai!y. Sunday Included, om month . . .
raily. without faundav. one year ?tr
Daily, without Sunday, six montha 3--
Daily, without Sunday, three montha... !'
Daily, without Sunday, one montn......
Weekly, one year .- J-J
Sunday, one year 2.50
Sunday and weekly ..................... S.oO
By Carrier.)
Dally, Sunday included, one year 8.00
Daily, Sunday included, one month.... -J
Dally, without Sunday, one year 7. SO
Dally, without Sunday, three months... 1.1J
Daily, without Sunday, one month 63
How to Remit Send postofflce money or
der, express order or personal check on your
local bank. Stamps, coin or currency are at
sender's risk. Give postoffice addreaa In lull.
Including county and state.
Pontage Ratea 12 to 16 pages. 1 cent: IS
to 3 pages. 2 cents; 84 to 4S pages. 8 cents;
BO to 60 pages, 4 centa; 62 to 76 pages, O
cents; 78 to 82 pages, 6 cents. Foreign post
age double rates.
Kaatern Bmtinem Of fico Verree & Conklln.
Brunswick building. New York; Verree &
Conklln. Steger building Chicago; San Iran
Cisco representative, R. J. Bldwell, 742 Mar
ket street.
rORILAN'D, TUESDAY, JULY 81, 1917.
DOWN ON' HOOTER.
Hoover Is a man of action aggres
sive, constructive, direct and humane.
No wonder the Senate doesn't under
stand him and that some of the Sen
ators have conceived a vast dislike for
him.
Hoover has not waited for the food
control bill to pass, but has gone
ahead and done what he could. The
overwhelming need of his service is
too plain for dispute except by some
Senators. He has authority from the
President. That is enough. But evi
dently the dignity of the solemn Sen
ate has been seriously hurt. And it
has been proposed to de-Hooverize
Hoover by putting food control in the
hands of three directors instead of
one.
Why not three Commanders-In-Chief
of the Amy? Or three Presidents?
Or three Pershings in France?
Sometimes we think that the only
way that the Senate of the United
States can elevate Itself in the public
esteem is by abolishing the Congres
sional Record.
CONSERVED TO PERFECTION.
Conservation in the United States is
a complete success. The coal of Alas
ka Is so carefully conserved that the
Pacific Coast ports, where it is needed,
cannot get it. Pacific Coast people
might use water power in place of the
coal which they cannot get, but that,
too. Is admirably conserved. Or they
might use much more oil as fuel than
Is now used, and might get it cheaper,
but all the oil on Government land
is also conserved. The Government
Itself needs that oil for use on Its
warships and on the freight ships
which it Is building, or in the shape
of gasoline on the auto trucks, motor
boats and aircraft which are to fight
in the war zones, but it cannot get its
own oil. The Nation needs to increase
food production, phosphate would help
amazingly, and the Government owns
great beds of phosphate, but they, too,
are conserved.
The Government Is In the ludicrous
position of a man who has locked a
large fortune In a fireproof, burglar
proof safe and then has lost the com
bination. He is absolutely secure from
fire and robbery, but he cannot get
any benefit from his own wealth. It
is equally safe from his spendthrift
proclivities. The only satisfaction he
derives from his ownership is the
knowledge that it is in that safe, and
that, though he cannot get at it, no
other person can.
This is the finest tribute which
could possibly be offered to Gifford
Pinchot as the conserver of our nat
ural resources.
ONE OF THE WAR VISIONS.
A "perfectly feasible solution of the
U-boat problem" Is offered to the al
lies by Washington B. Vanderlip, of
New York, who describes himself as a
mining engineer. It is to block the
Straits of Gibraltar, Otranto and Dar
danelles with nets and thus "make the
Mediterranean as safe as Lake Michi
gan," then send all the allied ships
through the Panama Canal to the
Pacific Coast, send all troops ajid ex
ports for Europe across the continent
by rail, and ship them across the Pa
cific Ocean and through the Mediter
ranean to France. They would be
hauled across that country by rail, and
British supplies would cross the Chan
nel from Calais to Dover. To do this
he would "stop the building of useless
wooden boats" and "put some of the
appropriation into freight cars and
locomotives" and "let General Goe
thals "go ahead with the sensible proj
ect of steel ships."
Why did nobody ever think of this
before? Why was this great but sim
ple scheme to defeat the submarine
left for Mr. Vanderlip to unfold? To
him it is a small matter that the Afri
can side of Gibraltar Straits opposite
the great rock Is Spanish territory,
therefore neutral, and that nets from
the western end of the straits, where
France rules the African coast, would
also extend to Spanish territory. If it
were practicable to rlose the Strait of
Otranto to Austrian submarines, would
not the allies already have done so?
How could nets be maintained across
the Dardanelles without control of
the shores? At enormous cost the al
lies held the Gallipoli side for nearly
a year, but failed to gain the Asiatic
6ide, and ' finally were compelled to
withdraw. Here are abundant rea-
already been closed with nets.
The ports of the Pacific Coast would
rejoice to handle all the war traffic
between America and Europe, if it
were oosslble. but there are a few
. flight obstacles. This traffic has con-
" trested the well-developed railroads
' end ports of the Atlantic Coast: It
track roads and partially improved
ports of the Pacific. Before they could
' inrrpasA of trnfflrt thfl war wnnM hfi
over. The world's shtps are already
overtaxed, but a great fleet would be
needed to carry coal and fuel oil to
rv a tr:i en ui . n i f 1 tti nn im n cm nnrn n n n
Aden, and the long voyage three
would require at least three times as
Atlantic. The French railroads" are
. already overtaxed by their present
traffic; they could not possibly carry
- all that now passes between America
end Europe.
This is probably only one of many
absurd schemes with which the Ad
ministration is being bombarded It is
discussed merely as a sam'ple. The
Government doubtless seeks diligently
' tor the one brilliant suggestion which
will defeat the U-boat. --In Its search
for that grain of wheat it must have
handled many bushels "of chaff.
AN ALCOHOLIC MYSTERY.
They were discussing prohibition
the other day in the Senate. They
were discussing it on numerous other
days, but on the particular day we
have in mind Senator Jones, of Wash
ington, remarked that alcohol had
"done more to weaken the arms of
England and France than any other
one influence."
Senator John Sharp Williams arose
with figures in hand. German sol
diers, on the firing line, he showed,
consumed about 70.7 grams of alcohol
a day, while the soldiers of Britain
consumed a maximum of 17.5 grams,
the soldiers of France about 60 grams
and the soldiers of Austria 40 grams.
It is very puzzling. The booze
impaired British and French have
not yet whipped the Germans, al
though the Germans consume much
more alcohol than they do. . The
bone-dry Russians are running away
from the alcoholic Germans, but when
given a free hand have no difficulty in
whipping the Austrians, who get more
alcohol than the British, who in turn
are able to stand up before the tip
pling Teutons.
It may be argued, from the prohi
bition standpoint, that If the Russians
had not been denied their vodka they
would have run away long ago; that
the Austrians would be able to stand
up and fight if they were deprived of
wine: that the British and French
would by this time have licked the
Germans if they had not had rum
every day, and that if the Germans
had cut out beer and brandy the war
would have been over seventeen
months ago.
As already stated, it Is very puzzling.
We shall probably never know the
answer, for who shall say at the end
that something else would not have
happened but for John Barleycorn?
HARRISON GRAY OTIS.
General Harrison Gray Otis, who
has just died at Los Angeles after a
distinguished career as soldier and
journalist, was for more than thirty
years in active charge of the Los An
geles Times as editor and manager.
Under him the Times grew from a
small and uninfluential paper to be
one of the important newspapers of
the country. The Times has ever re
flected the dominant personality of
General Otis, and has thus been in a
unique sense but "the lengthened
shadow of a man." General Otis was
long at odds with union labor, and
the Times has been a foremost advo
cate of the principle of the open shop.
It has been besides an active force in
all California and National affairs.
The great quality of General Otis was
doubtless his frankness and courage.
What he believed he said through the
Times and elsewhere; and he never
failed to act when action seemed ap
propriate to justify conviction.
The sensational climax of the Times'
long warfare with organized labor
came In 1910, when Its building was
blown up with dynamite, with consid
erable loss of life. This incident, for
which certain lawless labor agitators
structural Ironworkers were con
victed and sent to prison, seemed only
to strengthen General Otis' purpose to
carry on the struggle to the end. He
was not any more to be dismayed by
threats, or the fact, of violence than
he was by loss of business. That the
Times prospered when a weaker news
paper would have yielded is standing
proof that the respect of the public
is the greatest asset a man or a jour
nal may have.
A great figure In the history of Los
Angeles and California disappears with
General Otis. A valiant soldier of
the Union, too, has joined the Grand
Army in its march through the shades.
In his newspaper he leaves a fine
monument to his worth, enterprise
and fearlessness; and to his friends
and the public he leaves the memory
f one who played bravely always his
allotted role.
THE MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS.
One who has not climbed a moun
tain cannot quite enter into the spirit
f the Mazama, or whatever the indi
vidual may choose to call himself who
has enjoyed the soul-stlrrlng experi
ence of standing on the high places of
the world. The glory of achievement
and the immeasurable satisfaction of
overcoming obstacles add to the thrill
It is not a sport for the weakling, but
it is not beyond the aspiration of the
average healthy man or woman who
Is willing to qualify for It by training
n easy stages. That It is worth while
is proved by the fact that there are
few backsliders. The convert to moun
tain climbing Is true to his colors.
Mastery of the labors and even the
perils of one tall peak only whets
the desire for more.
It is for such reasons as these that
the members of the National Edoca
tion Association in convention in Port
and recently who made the trip to the
top of Mount Hood were, we think,
the most fortunate of all those who
attended the meeting. There were
some seventy of these elect, and they
are to be envied In the impression they
carried home with them of the true
grandeur of the West. Nature did a
service for the Northwest when she
pierced its sky with snow-capped
peaks, and man is doing well in mak
ing them accessible. Some day we
shall learn that it is not necessary to
go to Switzerland or to South Amer
ica to be thrilled. We have Alps and
Andes of our own.
It is well that mountain climbing Is
not a solitary business. A good deal
of the pleasure of it comes from Its
social character. The links In the
human chain serve to remind us of
our dependence upon one another In
all walks of life. The strong help the
weak; the laggards are Inspired by
example to put forth their best en
deavors. And many eyes see more
than the eyes of one. There is . such
a thing as helping one another to
see. Hence the growth of organiza
tions like the Mazamas, and the in
creasing popularity of their excursions
into the lofty wilds.
Baseball fans can look forward with
confidence to a real "world series" in
the years to come. The sinking of
ship carrying among other things
consignment of balls and bats to the
American Young Men's Christian As
sociatlon in France will not forestall
the inevitable. The American Nation
al game has taken a powerful hold on
the British and French, and long be
fore we have our million men on the
line It will have been, firmly estab
lished. The British, who" have been
slow to accept baseball in the past be
cause of their innate conservatism,
have been greatly aided in modifying
their views by the French, who have
taken up the game with enthusiasm,
and it Is sure to take the world by
storm. At the same time, it is fore-
told that there will need to be certain
modifications of the rules, to make
them conform to the new internation
al psychology, ,"and the form these
changes will take affords an interest
ing and not unentertaining field of
speculation.
FATHER OF THE CREASE.
It Is said that Herbert Kelcey will
be remembered more for having set
the fashion of creasing trousers than
as an actor. That is to estimate him
cheaply, though a man must have
more than ordinary standing in so
ciety to be able to set a fashion.
Before he appeared on the stage
with his trousers creased for their
whole length, men wore theirs loose
and baggy and called them pants. The
change may have been due more par
ticularly to instant recognition that
creases added to the neatness of a
man's appearance.
But Kelcey had valid claims to fame
as an actor. He retained public favor
as a star for thirty-five years. He ap
peared in society comedies which were
in favor before problem plays began
catering openly to prurient craving for
tha lewd and before extravagant sal
aries drew actors away from the
spoken to the pictured drama. He
was always a gentleman, on or off
the stage, and was one of the last and
best of a disappearing generation.
THE APPLE CROP.
Reports from the Atlantic states
that the apple crop Is below normal,
and may be only 60 per cent of that
of last year, show the Importance of
saving as much as possible of the
coming crop of the Northwest. There
should be a market not only for every
apple of the better grades, but also
for "C" grades, and even below. The
dried apple is pretty good food. It
was not held lightly In the times when
our grandmothers festooned the attic
rafters with long dried-apple chains,
and there have been times when
dried-apple pie was regarded as a
luxury. It is only because we have
become accustomed to better things
that we have grown more finical. We
could be quite happy. If we only knew
it, with a lot of old-fashioned things.
-There is strong probability that ap
ples will be Included in the Army ra
tion. Our allies will depend on us for
their supplies, for the English crop is
reported short, France will not be
able to spare help enough for the har
vest, and the apples of New Zealand
and Tasmania, normally due on the
market next May, will lack transpor
tation facilities. It is probable that
every apple that can be produced In
the West will be In demand.
Economy in distribution, care in
storage and attention to proper and
complete harvesting are important this
year as never before. Harvesting at
the right time does the double service
of improving keeping quality and pre-
entlng excessive loss from falling. It
is also essential that none of the "by
products" shall be wasted. Co-opera'
tion will facilitate drying on a large
scale, but this work can also be done
in the home. The Department of Ag
riculture has plans for home dryers
that are Inexpensive and easy to con
struct, and their use will conserve a
valuable food. Dried apples are near
ly five times as rich in carbohydrates
as potatoes, and a pound of them con
tains as many food units as three
pounds of potatoes. Besides, they give
variety to the diet, which is also es
sential to good health.
GERMANY PLAYS THE OLD TRICK.
Evidently with the aid of a spy
who obtained admission to the secret
session of the French Chamber of
Deputies, Chancellor Michaells plays
the favorite trick of his predecessor,
He represents Germany as ah innocent
lamb of a nation which has been
forced to transform itself into a lion
in order to resist the attempt of the
allies to dismember Germany by an
nexing her territory and by destroying
her military power for self-defense.
He accuses France of having sought
the assent of revolutionary Russia to
an agreement made with imperial
Russia for "vast territorial modifica
tions on the left bank of the Rhine"
and for other conquests, including
Syria-
He quotes speeches which his spy is
presumed to have heard in favor of
these annexations. He contrasts this
alleged aim of France with the Rus
sian policy of no annexations and no
indemnities, for the evident purpose
of driving a wedge between Russia
and the western allies, and also of
keeping alive in the minds of the Ger
man people the belief that they are
resisting a world combination which
aims to destroy Germany as a nation.
It is the same old lie with which Ger
many began the war, dressed up in a
new guise and supported by a new
pretense of proof.
Most convincing disproof of the
Chancellor's case is furnished by the
intervention of the United States in
the war and by the purpose of our
Intervention. President Wilson de
fined those purposes In his dispatch
to Russia. He said of America:
sne seeks no material profit or aggran
dizement of any kind. She is fighting for
no advantage or selfish object of her own,
but for the liberation of peoples every
where from tha aggressions of autocratic
force.
He laid down the principles for
which the United States fights and on
which peace terms should be based
when he said:
No people must be forced tinder sov
erelgnty under which it does not wish to
live. No territory must change hands ex
cept for the purpose of securing those who
Inhabit it a fair chance of life and liberty.
No Indemnities must be insisted on ex
cept those that constitute payment for
manifest wrongs done.
In this manner Mr. Wilson construed
the Russian principle. His construc
tion agrees with the definition of their
aims which the allies gave In reply
to his inquiry of last December, for
they declared for liberation of all
nationalities and for reparation for
wrongs done.
Chancellor Michaells construes the
Russian principle as forbidding sep
aration from Germany of any subject
people conquered prior to the present
war Poles, Alsatians and Danes and
gives no intimation that Germany is
willing to surrender Belgium and other
territory occupied during the war. In
his message to Russia, the President
said Germany was "seeking to obtain
pledges that the war will end In the
restoration of the status quo ante,"
though German statesmen have given
no hint that this would satisfy them
The President repudiated any such
settlement, saying:
It was the status quo ante out of which
this iniquitous war issued forth, the power
of the imperial Uerman government within
the empire and Its widespread domination
and Influence outside of that empire. That
status must be altered in such fashion as
to prevent any such hideous thing from
ever happening again.
Our European allies have not yet
given any evidence that they may
prove false to those principles of na
tlonal right according to which the
President says that the status quo ante
must be changed and to which he is
pledged. While Russia remained an
empire, there was danger that, from
motives of expediency, the western
powers might betray those principles
by yielding to the Czar's desire for
aggrandizement, but when Russia be
came a republic that danger passed
away. ,
Intervention of the United States
constitutes a stronger pledge of ad
herence to the principles which lie at
the foundation of our Constitution.
The Nation which, after wresting the
Spanish islands from Spain, made
Cuba an independent republic and
gave self-government to Porto Rico
and the Philippines and which, so far
from exacting an, indemnity from
Spain, paid that country $20,000,000
for the Philippines, would not become
a party to forcing any people under
rule against which they protested nor
to extortion of any indemnity beyond
reparation for- Injury actually done.
The revolution in Russia and the In
tervention of the United States form
double security for faithful regard to
those principles which Mr. Wilson has
defined and by observance of which
alone can the world "prevent any such
hideous thing from ever happening
again."
But the world cannot have security
against renewal of attacks on free
nations until the character of the
government not only of Germany but
also of Austria and Turkey has been
radically changed. The root cause of
the war was well stated by Secretary
of State Lansing In his speech at Mad
ison Barracks when he said:
The evil character or the German rov-
ernment la laid bare before tha world. We
know now that that government is Inspired
with ambitions which menace human lib
erty, and that to gain its end It does not
hesitate to break faith, to violate the most
sacred righta, or to perpetrate intolerable
acts or inhumanity.
Those words apply with equal force
to the government of Turkey and with
only less force to that of Austria. The
Hapsburga still cling to the divine
right to destroy the liberties of the
people, for their Premier said re
cently In the Reichrsrath that "he
could only stigmatize as erroneous the
assumption that the Austro-Hungarlan
government acknowledged the right of
nations to determine their own fate."
The dispatch which thus quoted him
went on to say:
The Austro-Hungazian government took
Its stand on the constitution by which it
was reserved to the Emperor to conclude
peace. The monarch was thus entrusted
with the safeguarding of the interests and
needs, of the peoples of Austria.
The spirit behind those words moves
the governments of Germany and Tur
key also. The American people fight
to cast out that spirit, and they will
not permit It to creep Into the acts
of their allies. They will be in the
position to insure that it shall not, for
upon them the democratic league of
nations relies for the last reserves of
men, munitions and money. Every
move and every word of Germany and
her statesmen strengthens the allies'
conviction that their battlecry must
be: "Down with the Hohenzollerns."
The American people see the need
of censorship for malls passing be
tween this and other countries and
would more readily submit to It If the
spying propensities of Postmaster
General Burleson and his aides had
not given cause for apprehension that
it would be used for ulterior purposes.
By causing the letters of Representa
tive Tague to be opened for no appar
ent reason other than that Mr. Tague
had opposed him on the pneumatic
mall-tube question, Mr. Burleson or
his subordinates have supplied a pre
text for opposing mail-censorship laws
which are necessary for war. Similar
stretch of authority by other officials
has had like effect. Department and
bureau heads have not used well, and
have exceeded, the power they already
have; that is considered a good rea
son for not giving them more power.
The presence in a local hospital for
a serious operation of Tommy Rana
han, of Idaho, is reminder that there
are not left many of the scouts who
fifty or sixty years ago helped to keep
open the trail across the plains. Mr.
Ranahan's later life has not been as
spectacular as that of some of his
partners', which is all the more as
surance that he was there "with the
goods" in the days of his youth.
The Civil war has been over for
fifty-two years and this Government
has not learned that the South Is not
the best place to send negroes in Fed
eral uniforms. The negro makes a
good soldier: nobody denies it; and in
the North his "uppity" bearing Is tol
erated, but In the South it is not. The
old South Is not in mind, nor is the
old negro: it is the present bitter gen
erations of both.
One must feel sorry for the 15-year-
old boy who ran away from home to
enlist In the Third Oregon and failed.
If he were big enough, he might have
been allowed to press the limit. To
discourage youthful patriotism is dis
tresslng as well as unwise.
Elijah Coalman Is an emergency
man, meanii-g that he is resourceful.
No doubt, if there had been nobody
to drag the rope he would have
coasted.
Sunday Is not the only day on which
to go to one of the amusement parks,
Lesser attendance on week days means
comfort as well as pleasure.
A cash register being impossible on
the ice wagon, the dealers prefer the
coupon-book system and so will cus
tomers upon trial.
The wheat crop may be 60 per cent
of normal in some parts, but a mini
mum of $2 a bushel is consoling.
Welshmen have a way of their own
of preventing a peace meeting. The
man of Wales Is a born fighter.
Settlement of the switchmen's strike
In Chicago was swift. The strikers
knew what was against them.
It Is awful to be an Informer gener
airy, but the man who knows a shirker
owes a duty to the country.
Those who are using parings for
seed must not expect a bountiful har
vest.
The woman who. marries four times
reaches the nth degree of comparison.
All will agree that Harrison Gray
Otis was a good f)ghter.
It is Hoover or nothing,
know the Wilson way.
and all
Dancing
plenty.
hours tonight will . be
Gleams Through the Mist.
By ricaai Collins.
VACATION VAGARY.
Kathleen, mavourneen. the gray dawn
Is breaking.
But we'll let it break over mount .
and lea;
There isn't a reason why I should be
waking,
So let the dawn come; It shall not
worry me. .
Hark, hark, the lark at heaven's gate
sings.
And Phoebus 'gins to rise;
But It takes more than all those things
To ope my sleepy eyes.
For my vacation starts today.
And glad and gay I'll snore away.
And I will not arise.
At midnight In my guarded tent
I lay a-dreamlng of the hour
When I should duck the next month's
rent.
Nor fear the landlord's power.
In dreams through field and hill I
went
On mad vacation pleasures bent;
I heard the little birdies sing.
I sometimes shot them on the wing
And roamed around like everything.
And time In loafing spent.
The hours passed on and I awoke.
And I am not surprised
To see those dreams of which I spoke
Will soon be realized I
Goodbye, false world. I'm on the run s
To have my own vacation fun-
Soon as I get this colyum done.
Sir," said the Courteous Office Boy,
And smiled beside by knee,
'Forgive me if I do annoy.
But this I'd ask of thee
Why will you spend your precious time
In carving out a measured rhyme.
When words and phrases neatly cast
In free verse fill up Just as fast?"
I smiled upon the C. O. B.
And gave him a cigar.
"I give my deepest thanks to thee!
A clever boy you are!
Why should I hack out such a volume
Of rhyme to fill this lengthy colyum.
When words and phrases, neatly cast
In free verse, fill It Just as fast?"
We went and hired ourselves a band
And marched along the street
And played a brazen march and grand
And bade the bass drum beat.
"Hi-lee!" we sang, and eke "Hi-lol
Soon on vacation we shall go.
Soon as we fill this colyum long
With wild free verse lnstaed of song!
I got myself a flowing beard
And on my chin I wore
Until my aspect stern appeared
Like the well-known Tagore,
Or made an Imitation good
Of Pound or else C. E. S. Wood;
And then I 'gan to spur and scourge
The wild and snorting cosmic urge.
And thus I started on the run
To get this pesky colyum done.
OPUS 1, VACATION FANTASY,
The sky over these streets Is heavy;
The sky over these streets Is hard;
It lies on the roofs of the houses
And presses down the air in the
streets
Presses it down until I stifle;
My head bows; I cannot stand upright.
must go away.
Creeping like an old man
Into the places of Infinite sunlight.
Where life spouts out of every clod
And green things hurl themselves up
ward.
The earth chuckles and lifts a shaggy
shoulder;
The trees laugh and fling up their
green bucklers;
I feel about me a vigor that cannot be
weighed down.
That the burden of no sky can humble.
The sky Is flung upward;
The great shoulder of the earth heaves
It,
The laughing trees fling it.
Tossing It from their green, upreared
shield arms.
Up, so far that its blue turns misty.
And it can press down the air upon me
no more -
I fling the burden from my shoulders
I stand up and walk lightly;
am straight as a tree.
And, like a tree, I can sing
And taunt upward at the receding; sky.
INTERMEZZO.
"How's that?" I asked the C. O. B..
Who was hunting for tackle
To fish the Spoon River.
Strong stuff!" replied the C. O. B.
Keep it up and you soon will have
enough
To fill the colyum
And you and I can go
And enjoy our vacation."
OPUS 2, MORE VACATION FANTASY,
I am neurotic and also neurasthenic.
And. besides, my liver Is not working,
As It should work, In a well-regulated
system;
Therefore I will hop Into the breach;
I will take the bull by the horns;
I will take my torpid liver
And my neurotic disposition
And flee to the far forests.
Where the mosquitoes never cease from
troubling.
But the weary are at rest nevertheless,
And when I have been there a few
weeks.
No doubt I will be less of a mlsan
thrope.
And ventually I will come back.
Robed in smiles and sunshine.
And feel so good that won't even
Feel like asking the boss for a raise.
And won't that be nice?
"It will said the C. O. B.
PROLOGUE.
And I handed him the colyum and said
"Here it is, all done, and maybe too
long
For Dave Foulkes to get into a slngl
uoiyum; in wmcn case piease tell Mr.
Callvcrt
And him to lift out a hunk somewhere
From the free verse, so that the col
yum will fit;
And the Gen. Pub. will never know th
difference.
And this, dear reader. Is the Joke on
you
You will never know.
No matter how many times you read
over this " '
Colyum, whether It fitted or whether
they
Took out a hunk of linotype metal
And threw it In the hell box.
With all Its priceless treasures of song.
Which the world shall never hear.
I wish you all a pleasant vacation.
WHAT ABOUT THAT HOME GARDEN
Keep on Hoeing; and Planting; Ilecard-
leaa of Money Profit. Says Writer.
PORTLAND. July 30. (To the Edi
tor.) In recent years and up to a short
time before we entered the war, we
heard a great deal of the word effi
ciency. Since our entry into the con
flict this term seems to have become
more or less a stranger in our land.
Why?
This term, which In this country em
bodied the entire formula for gettng
the maximum result at the minimum
effort and expense, in the ambitious
section of Europe meant and still
means to get the maximum result no J
matter what the effort and cost. 1
It may be that when we saw we had
the wrong acceptance of this term
we decided to let it slide. It was one
of those handy words that meant
great deal, as long as George did the
work and you and I got the result.
Now the cussed word seems to mean
that you and I have to work right be
side of George. Now the contemptible
thing seems to have gone outside of
the science of business and means more
particularly actual work.
I shall not attempt to tell Just what
it means to you in your pursuit, whose
business perhaps does not permit you
to get as near to the producing end
s many people find it possible to get.
I find it possible to get. So I
hall confine my remarks to the pur
suit I know most about, outside of
my business. I am going to talk about
fflclency as applied to farming and
gardening. I am not going to try to
ell you how to treat the different
kinds of soil to make them produce the
maximum of a given grain or vege
table, for in my 49 years I have learned
what a big subject that is and how
much it applies to abnormal times like
the present. It Is Just as foolish to
talk about scientific farming at the
resent time as It Is to talk about the
beauty of the landscape while a hostile
rmy Is attacking you.
The thing to do now Is to get results.
matter what the work or cost. The
thing to do now Is to see to it that
we are alive to the fact that the out
come of the war will depend as much
on the production of food as on any
thlng else we do. The thing to do now
is to see to it mat we Keep ngnt on 1
being alive to that fact. This is no j
time to bemoan the fact that the acre I
of garden you planted la not going to I
net a profit on the outlay. You may I
soon be thanking the Lord that you
eot what you did eret off of It.
This Is rather the time to get up at
4 o'clock in the morning and cultivate
to make it produce at least some
thing. If your potatoes or corn are
sickly or scattered, cultivate Just the
same and sow rutabagas and turnips.
f you do not like them, maybe some
one else may need them and their cul
tivation will greatly help prepare your
ground for next year. You will more
than likely need the garden more than
ever next year. The big thing Is to
see to It that the garden shall be ready
to plant on time next year.
If your garden has been a loss to
you this year do not count It so. for
the experience you have gained there
by may make your Investment for next
year a splendid bargain.
J. A. CLEMEMSU.N.
SPELLING CONVENTION WANTED
Correspondent Would nave Editors Get
Together on Simplified forms.
PORTLAND, July 80. (To the Edl-
tor.) A few years ago The Oregonian
used simplified spelling for a while.
then dropped It entirely. Why did
it do that?
I believe a great Improvement could
be made in our mode of spelling If
some concerted action were taKen by
the united efforts of the American pub
lishers If they would only do it.
The publishers and editors of tne
whole United States might organize
Into a National convention and shape a
system of simplified spelling that
would do away with some excesses that
are commonly In use. You will prob-
ably say that anyone can do as he
chooses about the use or moamea at tne stroke of twelve at night, .and
words. I know that, but that would no conscience stings disturb our peace
only be individualism, and Individual- fui rest. Oh, you bet your filthy lucre.
ism Is very slow in a great ana useiui
movement. ..
It is excessive to spell programme
when "program" Is all we mean; ana
the Bame thing is true with "although."
when "altho" is sufficient. The affix
ue-h" has neither sound nor meaning
In our present-day speech. The words
that should have their spelling mod
ified are too numerous for tnis space.
They can all be easily seiectea it an
organized attempt should be made to
simplify them.
If the publishers of all of the large
.1 , --..4 m era .71 n ,a aHnulri mndern-
ua.iu39 ------
lze In their orthography inrouguout
(thruout), it would not Only be og
(treat economy to the publishers in tne
snvlntr of Ink and paper, but It would
give the American language a stronger
individuality.
CHARLES BAKNETT.
The, correspondent Is mistaken. The
"Ktvla card" wfci-h governs spelling
In The Oregonian has not been changed
in 15 years. The additional time and
space required to print "programme"
and other words which have both a
loneer and shorter form Is trivial. So
choice between accepted forms of spell
ing resolves Itself largely Into a ques
tion of mere taste or preference
Changes of spelling In a large publish
ing establishment result In confv-ion.
annoyance, tad proofs and expense for
a long time thereafter. But If these
drawbacks should be Ignored by pub
lishers and editors convened to re
vise spelling, probably so many con
flicting preferences would be encoun
tered that their deliberations would
come to naught.
"When Anto TB Are Borrowed.
DALLAS. Or.. July 29. (To the Ed
itor.) This Spring I bought a dealers'
auto license; have been using tags on
new and second-hand cars that I have
been buying and selling.
The other day a friend of mine came
to me and said. "I have traded my old
car for a new one in Portland and
want to take your tags with me and
put them on my new car and drive It
home: then I will send to Salem and
get my license." I let him have them.
Have I done wrong? SUBSCRIBER.
Apparently the law provides no pen
alty for the one who lends motor ve
hicle license tags to another. The one
who borrows them, however, violates
a prohibition against operating a ve
hicle over the public roads with num
ber plates displayed that were not as
signed to him by the Secretary of State.
The maximum penalty Is 50 fine for
the first offense.
Swimmers Should Know "Drenks."
PORTLAND, July 29. (To the Ed
itor.) Permit me to criticise your edi
torial note, to-wlt: "If all teachers of
swimming would teach their pupils
what not to do when a rescuer from
drowning comes," etc., on the obvious
ground that a drowning person Is In a
state of panic and has lost all sense
of reason.
Every swimmer should be familiar
with the simple, scientific "breaks" for
loosening the holds of drowning per
sons. This system was ab!y demon
strated by W. E. Longfellow, of the
National Red Cross, who was here last
Summor. The swimming Instructors
in the'schools and city pools are famil
iar with these "holds" and "breaks"
ana will be glad to demonstrate or-explain
them to anyone. R. E. 8.
In Other Days.
Half a Century Ako.
From The Oregonian of July 81. 1667.
London Much caution la manifested
by business men from a feeling that
war is Immiment between France and
Prussia. Private advices from Berlin
give the opinion that war is certain
It is added that Prussia Is actually
forwarding preparations for such an
event.
Paris Admiral Farragvft has been
received at the Emperor's state dinner,
especially given in honor of the Ad-
miral. Several members of the Im-
perial Cabinet were present, also Gen-
eral Dlx.
Oregon Summer apples appeared In
market yesterday. They are Immense
ly superior in size, quality and appear
ance to anything yet sent here from
California.
At the present writing there are In
Portland six organized baseball clubs
heard from. The returns are probably
not complete. We are informed that a
number of gentlemen who have not
hitherto been suspected are about to
organize another club.
A match baseball game, played be
tween the second nine of the Clack
amas club and the first nine of the
Highland Club resulted as follows!
Clackamas 75, Highland 67.
Twenty-five Yeans Agro.
Prom The Oregonian of July 81. 1892.
Berlin The Standard Oil Company.
of the United States, now has a com
plete monopoly of the oil trade of Ger
many, its Russian competitors having
been shut out by the cholera epidemic
at Batoum.
It Is a pity that the races of the
Multnomah Driving Association at
Riverside Park yesterday afternoon
were not more largely attended. The
day was perfect from a horseman's
standpoint and the horses did splendid
work.
The National Guard encampment of
last year brought forth such cood re-
suits that, notwithstanding no appro
priation Has been made for a similar
encampment this year, two companies
from this city have arranged to go Into
camp for eight days and endeavor to
perfect themselves in the practice that
quarters In the Armory will not per-
I mit.
The attention of United States At
torney Mays was called some time ago
to the fact that several Warm Springs
Indians at The Dalles had been sold a
liquid which purported to be whisky,
and after drinking it had become dead
ly sick, three of them dying.
London Numerous unauthorized pro
grammes of Emperor Wilhelni's visit to
England during the coming week have
been published, but nothing Is yet
known exactly, as his Imperial majesty
is averse to cut and dried plans when
he Is not traveling In his political
capacity.
No Longer Wild and Woolly.
By Jamrs Barton Adams.
We are cultured to the limit In this
glorious Western land, progressiveness
! upon us has a cinch; we are full up to
the scuppers of the high-grade nervy
sand, and from goaheadativeness never
flinch. As an ornament the pistol Is
completely out of date, very rarely do
we have a schutzenfest; we aro up with
the procession and we mean to hold
our gait In developing this great and
peerless West. Not a blessed man
among us wears his breeches in his
boots, and the old wool shirt Is but
memory now, and we look with dis
approval on the tenderfoot galoots
who are wearing big sombreros on the
brow. e are seen at church on Sun-
Qay dressed in toes olum out o" sie-ht.
with-the Christian spirit warm in every
breast, and we're always in our couches
we're refined to beat the band, we
have culture to distribute to the birds.
land the stock of sit-there enterprise
we aiways keep on hand cannot be
described in rhymester's Jingling
worQa. we In every moral attribute
ara Etrictlv re-sher-shav: our morals
som() of them are Df the best, and we
love the peerless country Into which
we've come to stay; it no longer is
the wild and woolly West.
SHIP DEMAND IS NOT TEMPORARY.
j ti. r:,.. 1-.
time center iiciore
PORTLAND. July 30. (To the Edl-
tor.) The world's curse of the ruthless
Teutonic submarine is the potent factor
in the marvelous shipbuilding commer
cial activity which now centers about
Portland, our state metropolis.
Started on the Columbia but yester
day, grown over night, local shipbuild
ing Is stupendous. Even now, over
$5,000,000 In plants, nearly 15.000 men
encaged, and a daily payroll of J60.000.
It Is but the beyinnintr. Shortly It
will be double'!. An entirely new field
for thousands of laborers and skilled
men for the supply of lumber and other
resources Is opening all along the Col
umbia. Shipbuilding and ship owning are
rapidly becoming the drawing macnet
for the employment of experienced
workmen and for the Investment of
capital in this city, the commercial cen
ter of our wonderful resources.
The British and French governments
and the neutral people of other nations
and our country at large are now all
calling for ships to be built on our
coast.
Submarine destruction elsewhere Is
the main cause for the demand In Port
land. Ships are going to the bottom,
and ships, throuRh strenuous force in
overcoming time and wave, are rapidly
wearing out. The demands are for
more vessels for the world s transpor
tation, and the curse of the submarine
is a main cause.
The opportunity Is here for helping
our country In this war, and furnish
ing transportation for times of peace
to follow for the cry for ships and
more ships will continue for years.
Portland is destined for a great ship
building and ship-owning future.
M. C. GEORGE.
Shipment of Glassed Eggs,
DTJNSXIUIR, Cal., July 29. (To the
Editor.) Will you kindly tell me if
eggs put down In water glass now can
be taken out this Winter and shipped
from Portland to Dunsmulr, Cal .
C. F. J?
Such eggs probably would bear ship
ment if carefully preserved In the first
Instance. To obtain best results eggs
chosen for preservation should be In
fertile and the containers should be
kept In a cool place. . Water-glass
eggs do not keep so well as fresh eggs,
but under the best conditions ought
to be good for several days.
Measurement of Water.
MOL'NT ANGEL. Or., July 29. (To
the Editor.) Suppose someone nan
used a continuous stream of water run
ning through a one-half-lneh hose for
the time of one hour, ow many gal
lons of water will the person have
used at ths end of the time soeclflert?
it. t
It would depend on the pressure at
tho lntuke. The- answer car.not b
given unless one knows how fas: the
water was running-.