Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937, May 16, 1916, Page 10, Image 10

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    19
THE MORNING OREGONIAX, TUESDAY. 3IAY 1C, 191G.
mm
PORTLAND. OREGON.
Entered at Portland (Oregon) Postoffice as
second-class mall matter.
Subscription Rates Invariably In tdvancw
(By Mall.) .
Pally, Sunday Included, one year .PV
Imlly, Sunday Included, six months .... f fv
Dally, Sunday lnt ludtd, three months ..
l'aily, Sunday Included, one month
Dally, without Sunday, one year
Dally, without Sunday, six months i-f5
lJaily, without Sunday, three months ... l-5
lniily, without Sunday, one month ...... -oO,
Weekly, one year l.oo
Sunday, one year ...................... 2.50
Sunday and Weekly, one year. .......... 3.50
(By Carrier.)
Dally, Sunday Included, one year " 00
Dally, Sunday Included, one month ..... .75
How to Kemit i Send postoffice money
order, express order or personal check on
your local bank. Stamps, coin or currency
are at sender's risk. Olve postoffice ad
dress In full, including county and state.
Postage Hates 12 to 16 pages, 1 cent; 18
to til pages, cents; 34 to 4 pages, 3 centa:
0 to ou pages, 4 cents; 62 to Iti pages, 5
cents; 7S to X2 pages. 6 cents. iorelgn
postage, double rates.
Kastera ltusiness (lfice Verree A Conk
lln, iirujiswick building New York; Verree
i ConltfTn, Stenger building, Chicago. San
Francisco representative, K. J. Bidwell, 742
Market street. "
PORTLAND, TUESDAY, AJItlJL, 16. 1916.
60LYIXO SOCIAL I'KOfJLEMS. (
Practical dissolution, of . fife family
as the primary social unit by modern
conditions of life is the central fact
with, which the recent conferences on
social problems in Portland had to
deal. Decline of parental discipline
over children has 'caused the com
munity to undertake duties which
properly fall on parents. Increase of
divorce and desertion has aggravated
parental neglect and has thrown the
entire care of many children on the
community. At the same time the
community of its own. motion has un
dertaken the custody of insane and
mentally defective persons, a duty
which formerly fell upon the family
and in many cases was entirely un
done. The churches and the schools have
done much to atone for parental neg
lect, but they cannot entirely fill the
place of father and mother. They
necessarily deal with children in the
mass and cannot devote to each child's
training that care which his individual
characteristics demand and which
none but a wise and affectionate par
ent can or will give. Zeal for the task
once undertaken tempts those In
charge of civic activities to extend it
until they are apt to displace the
parent almost entirely as the moral
guide of his child. Much, is lost, both
to parent and child, by this substi
tution. Unconsciously In that case many a
parent is led to resist evil promptings
by thought of the effect iwliich a
misstep might have on his child, while
the latter ceases to look up to his
father and mother as his guides and
follows his own. devices when out of
school. In former times, when fam
ilies consisted of six, eight and ten
children, parents necessarily enforced
stricter discipline than is required Jn
modern families, which rarely exceed
four, and children then did much to
train each other.
We need to readjust the relation of
the'family to the community in such
a way that parental responsibility will
be restored and preserved, and that
schools, churches and public "institu
tions will only supplement the work
of parents, displacing them only where
death, mental or physical disability or
crime has made a complete substitute
necessary. Moral teaching, which is
common to all religions and is a pow
erful aid to the state, should originate
in the home and should be followed in
the schools far more than is now the
case. It should be reinforced by re
ligious teaching In the church and
Sunday school, but the latter should
impress on the parents the saying of
Dr. Cope that "the religious training
of your children rests, after all, in
the home." To use a forcible col
loquialism, both church and school
should "put it right up to the parents"
to mold their children's morals and re
ligion, and should impart only that
teaching which can be given best to
groups. The church, the school and
the public institution should refuse to
usurp the authority which the parent
Is only too willing to abdicate.
The great progress of medical
science has classified as insane or de
fective many a child who would
formerly have been sent to such pri
vate asylums as Charles Reade pil
loried in "Very Hard Cash," or would
have been known as "the village idiot"
or as simple-minded. Thus statistics
show an increase of insanity which is
more apparent than real. It is uni
versally recognized that the custody
outfit P(,10Vi..l IdU UC3L UU UUUtl-
taken by the state in institutions
where skilled medical care may fre-
. quently effect a cure, but in relieving
the patient's family of all expense .in
the matter the state has assumed an
unjust burden.
In proposing that the feeble-minded
be permanently segregated and pre
vented from propagating their like.
Superintendent J. N. Smith, of the
state institution for their care, brought
forward the principle which justifies
all state activity in educating the
young intellectually, morally and man.
ually and in caring for the mentally
diseased. That principle is that the
state has a direct interest in promoting
development of a healthy community
and in raising it to a constantly higher
stage of mentality, physique and mor
als. When all our thoughts are on ef
ficiency, we realize that the first
requisites are a sound mind in a sound
body, kept so by sound morals. We
realize that the contest for supremacy
among nations, whether military or
economic, will be won by that nation
, whose population reaches the highest
general average in these respects.
Superior quality in man can be pro
duced only by the same means as are
adopted with animals and plants by
selection of the best for reproduction
and by rejection of the worst. It is
impractical at this stage of develop
ment to- select the best men and
women as the parents of the next
generation, but . we should at least
make a beginning by rejecting the
worst, who are the insane, the de
fective and the criminal. These can
be rendered physically incapable of
reproduction by a simple and pain
less operation.
Protests may be entered in the
name of humanity and through fear
that the power which would necessar
ily be given to a few would be abused.
Since defectives are a burden on the
community, surely the community has
a right to veto the production of their
like, and there can be no inhumanity
in preventing the birth of a child
which is not yet conceived. If
we are to shrink from investing any
- man or woman with power to sterilize
test it do aousea, men no power to
guard the state against evil should be
delegated. If we reduce the possibil
ity of abuse to a small minimum, the
great good gained will atone for the
small evil that is done and- will jus
tify our action. '
All our efforts to rebuild the fam-
ily, train the child,-better social con -
ditions for the adult and eliminate the
unfit will be justified if they carry us
one step forward toward the 'perfect
state, which is the Ideal of all social
reformers.
KOI A PROGRESSnE?
Senator Cummins made a speech at
Medford the other day and our prized
Democratic and non-partisan contem
porary, the Mail-Tribune, Is highly dis
pleased and disappointed. "There was
nothing," says the Medford paper,
"there was nothing in. his message to
the people as a Presidential -candidate
to justify ranking him with the pro
gressives of today." The other day
this same paper had a terrific arraign
ment of Justice Hughes as a stand
patter and reactionary.
The ideal progressive of our little
Medford friend is La Follette. All
the others have blighted the early
Democratic hope that they would fin
ally wreck completely the Republican
party and give first aid and comfort
always to the Democrats. They have
gone back. La Follette only holds the
Progressive bridge across, the Demo
cratic Tiber against the reactionary
hosts. .
A Portland Democratic paper finds
itself in harmony with the Medford
idea, for it proposes Mr. La Follette
for the Republican nomination for
President and asks Republican voters
to write in his name on the Oregon
ballot.
The Oregonian gives the scheme the
benefit of complete publicity. If the
Democratic candidate for the Repub
lican nomination can carry the pri
mary it is well enough to have a thor
ough showdown
While Senator La Follette appears
to be holding his own in the Demo
cratic party in Oregon, it is worth
while to remind the public that his
hold on the Republican party in Wis
consin is slipping. The delegation
from Wisconsin to Chicago is about
evenly divided between La Follette and
his opponents. The flays when the
Republican party In his state was a
personal asset of Mr. La Follette are
past. .
SPITEI-CX WARFARE OS MR. COFFET.
One day, a year or so ago, a com
pany of politicians called upon County
Clerk Coffey and demanded that a lib
eral share of the patronage of his
office, in the way of clerical appoint
ments, be turned over to them. There
was an outright refusal by the County
Clerk to surrender his prerogative as
the responsible appointing power in
his office to anybody.
To that incident -may be traced the
beginnings of the- present vehement
campaign being waged against Mr.
Coffey for renomination and re-election.
To that end there Is an appeal
to religious prejudice a campaign
weapon wholly without excuse in a
free American community and the
charge has been spread broadcast that
Mr. Coffey has drawn two salaries one
as receiver of a bankrupt long-distance
telephone company and the oth
er as County Clerk.
Mr. Coffey was receiver of this con
cern when he was first elected County
Clerk. In due time he closed up its
affairs, and turned it over to its new
owners as a going concern. This was
many months ago. It was a real
achievement. v
As County Clerk, Mr. Coffey has
performed his duties with fidelity and
efficiency. The office is admirably or.
ganized, there is due regard for econ
omy, and the service rendered is
prompt, courteous and thorough.
There is no criticism from any source
that he has not made an excellent
County Clerk.
The war upon Mr. Coffey has been
spiteful and bitter. Matters have
been introduced, which have no place
In the campaign. He has not had fair
play. For that reason. The Oregonian
feels it a duty to call attention to the
character of the campaign against
him and to say that the alternative to
Coffey's election is to turn the office
over to the politicians.
Does the public want the jobs par
celed out to the "gang," or doe3 it
want .real service on its merits?
: Tire CASE OF PROHIBITION.
Mr. Churchill's estimate, founded on
various statistics, that purchase of
liquor in Oregon has been reduced 95
per cent, is impressive, but not so
impressive as the reduction in drunk
enness and the depletion of the Police
Court docket.
While one cannot but admit that
consumption of intoxicants has de
creased under operation of the pro
hibition law, statistics at this stage
are hardly reliable. Mr. Churchill
takes the April importations as the
basis for his calculations. But im
portations have been Increasing month
by month as the year progressed. His
figures take no account of large stocks
laid by or of illicit traffic.
" Quantity of intoxicants consumed is
not an exact indication of benefits ac
cruing from a prohibition statute,
Potency of liquor is a prime factor in
determining its deleterious results
The cases of drunkenness now brought
to police attention are generally those
caused by use of pure alcohol. One
pint of alcohol is the equivalent of
more than four gallons of beer in in
toxicating properties.
Moreover, a pint of alcohol may
cause death or delirium tremens.
whereas four gallons of beer cannot
ordinarily be consumed rapidly enough
to cause ' either. The prohibition
statute would, in our opinion, be more
conducive to sobriety if the breweries
were permitted to manufacture beer
for direct sale to householders and the
sale of pure alcohol were wholly in
hibited.
This opinion is expressed only to
point a contrast. " We are not now ad
vocating the opening of the breweries
But- we do believe that abuse of the
druggists' privilege of selling alcohol
offers a serious problem for solution
THE WAR WITH FAMINE.
The worst fate of all that can result
from the war is that of the non-com
batant population which remains be
hind in territory that is occupied by
Germany. The latter country has
barely enough food for its own popu
lation and regards as spoils of war
all that it finds in an enemy's coun
try. ere the non-combatants per
mitted to keep what they can buy
industry is at a standstill and they
can earn little or no money wherewith
to Duy. ii tne farmers grow any
crops, they may be taken by the enemy
or overrun and destroyed by the
armies. he blockade prevents im
ports epecept for the relief fund and
it prevents exports wherewith-to buy
abroad, even if anything were pro
auced for export. .
That is the hapless plight of the
6,000,000 of Belgium, thl 1,250,000 of
Northeastern France and the 12,000,
000 of Russian Poland.; The Relie
Commission headed by , Mr. Hoover
alone has the right to (pass through
the lines with food thats not sub
poet $o seizure, and, itsresources axe
taxed by the Immensity of its task.
The ' burst of generosity with which
the United States responded to Bel
gium's first cry of distress has passed,
but the need of all the occupied re
gions becomes greater as their slender
tocks become exhausted.
The occasion calls for constant, fre
quent, liberal giving until the fortune
of war or peace opens the distressed
countries to commerce. None should
hesitate to give because his mite
seems ridiculously small-by comp;i
son. with the greatness of the need.
If each one can save one Belgian,
Frenchman or Pole from starvation
for one day, he will have gained some,
thing in the war wlth famine. Many
by giving often may save'millions.
KOMANCB IN THE WANT AI).
As a human document the humble
want ad is entitled to special recog
nition and should be perused not
only by those who seek bargains
but by observers of -human na
ture. .It gives an insight into the
lives of fellow townsmen that can be
had in no other way. Not only is the
classified page a dependable index" to
the prosperity and spirit of a city, but
it betrays something .of the people's
joys and woes, their reverses and
tragedies, as well as their aspirations
and needs.
One who picks up a London news
paper must be impressed with tins
fact. News matter and editorlalVnat-
ter have little to say of the tragedies
made insignificant by great events at
home and abroad. But the want ads,
particularly those of the "personal"
column, have a hundred subtle tales
of rare human value.
Wounded and lonely officers are of
fered the companionship of matrimony
by despairing spinsters or desolate
misses. Appeals come, at regular ad-
ertising rates, for sympathetic and
cheerful correspondents, these as a
leavening for the hard life of the
trenches. War photographs, country
homes, heirlooms,- ' paintings are of
fered f&r sale. .A. significant appeal
comes from officers of the active army
for' the loan of pistols or field glasses,
thus revealing1 that the problem of
equipment has not yet been adjusted
by the British. Women are offered
positions constructing aeroplanes for
war use. English civilians are urged
to give camp kits, revolvers and other
useful articles for the use of the sol
diers. What' more eloquent of the ravages
of war? People are reduced to the
selling of family treasures. Soldiers
are craving implements of their tem
porary profession which the arsenals
fall to provide. Both sexes are seek
ng mates during the stress of war.
Viewed from this, distance, there Is
nothing in the London newspaper
more interesting nor more enlighten-
ng than these little advertisements,
which tell plain, unvarnished truths.
DICKENS ASA BUSINESS. MAN.
Evidently collection of letters, his
torical relics, paintings, bronzes and
art bric-a-brac is becoming a lost art
in America, for while the early -years
of the present century were notable
for the millions expended in bringing
such treasures from Europe the pres
ent year is remarkable for the return
to market of these same wares. Fol
lowing close upon the sale of the im
mortal Morgan tapestries comes an
nouncement that the letters of Charles
Dickens in the celebrated Coggeshall
library of New York will be disposed
of shortly at public auction. This
Is the second salej of Dickens letters
within the year.- The letters - and
manuscripts of other authors, includ
ing Robert Louis Stevenson and even
Richard Harding" D-is, have been on
the market during the past few
months.
There are 600 letters by Dickens in
the Coggeshall library;, and of these
125 have never been published. They
were written by the great novelist to
his sub-editor on "Household Worlds"
and "All the Year Round." A num
ber of them are "reproduced by the
New York Sun by permission of the
owner, and one who reads them must
seek in vain for any sentiment or
phrase suggestive of the Dickens
everyone knows. They are the letters
of a business" man. couched in terse
words, and give explicit instructions to
subordinates. They are the antithesis
of the Dickens love, letters, which, it
might be observed, should never have
been given to the pjublic withv their
revelations of Dickens' infidelities and
-domestic harshnesses. . Naturally, his
original love letters ' brought their
holders a substantial return, and
would be as good as Government
bonds on the market today, such is the
perversity of some mortals.
Whether the Dickens business let
ters will bring out large bids remains
to be seen. Despite their prosaic na
ture, a certain sentimental value is
attached to such documents by those
who care more forthe by-products
than the real gold of genius. In one
of these letters Dickens, on a lecture
tour, pauses to observe: "I made 340
pounds last week; and have made 1000
guineas in the month of August." No
doubt, with hii keen eye to receipts.
Dickens wouldenjoy a viit to the
coming auction sale when the merest
scratches of his matchless pen are
to be sold, in spite of their paucity
of literary value.
PAY FOR THE MILITIA.
While the most enthusiastic of the
big-Army men realize the difficulties
that lie in the way of recruiting the
establishment up to 206,000 under the
present volunteer system, the task of
multiplying the National Guard of the
country by three offers fewer diffi
culties. While it has been contended
that trouble is now encountered in
keeping the organized militia recruited
up to 129,000, that fact bears no re
lationship to the problem of increas
ing the number to 425,000. The in
crease will not be effected-by adding
to the strength of -organizations al
ready in existence, but by establishing
new units. With an attractive payroll
attached to each company, troop and
battery, enterprising communities the
country, over will be contending for
the profitable privilege of recruiting
one or more units.
The National Guard of the country
has been maintained in the past not
only by volunteer enlistment but with
out any rate of compensation to the
men who devote their time and at
tention to the service. The man who
belongs has found his service a source
of considerable hard work while the
officers have found that in addition
to work there is considerable expense
to be met out of. personal funds. The
small pay given for ten days in camp
by no means covers the incidental ex
penses of being an officer during the
year. Nor is he certain that his com
mission will pass at face value in
event of war, since there has been
somo doubt as to the availability of
the militia for employment in opera
tions outside the limits of the United
States.
The new Army bill removes this
doubt, requires t a dual oath, of alle-
glance and pays officers and men
enough to render the service both at
tractive and profitable, The com
munity is interested for the reason
that the company -is now a source of
both protection and ' revenue. , What
fire-eating Governor of the Cole
Bleuse type would dare defy the Gov
ernment and disband the National
Guard when such an act would take
more than $1,000,000 in cash and
property out of the state. The payroll
of a militia organization of 10,000
men will be more than $800,000 a
year. A company of 75 men in a
small community will bring 15000 a
year into that place.
The disciplining and training of
these troops "will be directed by the
War Department, it is provided. In
spections and examinations can be de
pended upon, to keep the citizen sol
die b'usy if they would keep their
places. Whether they will become de
pendable soldiers under this system
remains to.be seen. Certainly the con
ditions are now favorable to achieve
ment of that end. Even if they do not
become, as proficient as regulars, it
must be Temembered that one citizen
Boldier costs only a seVenth as much
as a regular. And, besides, regulars
are not to be had in sufficient .num
bers until the country turns finally
to its one' hope of an economical and
thorough security universal service.
Should Western Senators be unable
to prevent passage of the general land,
leasing bill,' they should exhaust every
means permitted by the rules of the
Senate to secure an amendment spe
cifically providing that leased public
land shall be subject to taxation by
the states. An attempt was made to
Insert such an amendment in the Fer
ris water-power bill when the House
was considering it, but was foiled by
the ultra-conservationists. Should the
leasing system be adopted and prove
successful, . great coal mining and oil
towns would spring up. They would
pay no eal estate taxes to states or
counties, though they would impose
heavy expense on-the states for en
forcement of law. The West should
resist to the last, in Congress and the
courts, the attetnpt to inflict the leas
ing system upon it. If it should fall
there, effort should be concentrated
on making leased land taxable. v-
Waco is too big a city even for
Texas to indulge in such a horror as
occurred yesterday. To be sure, the
victim was a bad negro and deserved
death; but that was coming in a legal
way. They do, not stall justice with
technicalities down there, for the
white lawyer knows Better, and one
of the other color, if he exists, is too
wise to try. If lynching stopped the
crime for which it is used as punish
ment, there would be a shade of color
to jusury it; Dut it does not. it giori
fies the victim and the crime- contin
ues. Perhaps the fifteen thousand
spectators slept well last night and
perhaps they did not.
Paul R.. Huf fer's attack on the
memory of George Washington has
had a good effect which he did not
intend. It has made active and ag
gressive the patriotism which reveres
the Father..of His Country and has
made Colonel Joab only one among
many champions of the first Presi
dent's good name. Also it has caused
the disloyal who approve of Huffer's
slanders to stand out where they can
be seen and counted.
The proposal to set the" clocks an
hour ahead should be revived and
pushed to a finish. Arising an hour
earlier these glorious morns puts gin
ger into a man to last him all day
with- plenty left for work on the lawn
during the added hour of daylight.
Southern Idaho's loss of the sea
son's fruit crop Is appalling; but the
Idaho man cannot stay down. Some
thing just as good can be grown. The
country never does get enough canta
loupe and watermelon, for example.
However, the year is at hand where
in real Americans can deliver a telling
rebuke to spineless diplomacy and un-
American yielding of American rights,
Streetcars can travel as fast as the
motorman pleases as long as the rate
is reasonable, which suits the pas
senger homeward bound for dinner.
No flag other than the Stars and
Stripes will be allowed in Tacoma's
Memorial day parade. That's the kind
of spirit needed these days.
Weekly week ends are very refresh
ing to Mr. Wilson. - However, he will
be able to take quite an extensive va
cation after next March.
Ncm-combatants In Northern France
are near starvation. All Europe may
feel the pinch of hunger before-the
melee is ended.
President Poincaire says France will
fight until Germany admits defeat
And the new .French martial spirit is
behind him.
A London mob storms a peace meet
ing, but it will be observed the mem
bers of the mob are not among those
who enlist.
There is bound to be a boom in
virus before the million and a quarter
Porto Ricans are vaccinated.
The Army bill has been agreed upon
Now let foreign powers beware. Par
ticularly Santo Domingo.
Asquith might try temporary home
rule for Ireland as a war measure to
keep the island quiet.
The Chicago convention will be the
one place where the "crowd In" must
stay out.
Not only do we fail to catch Villa
but raids into America are not being
stopped. --
This is Humane week, and the mule
that gets skinned" has a kick coming.
There will be a lot of disappointed
men in town the end of this week.
Short skirts are to stay, in Bpite of
criticism. Or because of It-
Three days more In which the can
didates may build air castles.
Get a sample ballot and when In
doubt, ask your-neighbor.
It is true in politics that one good
term deserves another.
"Hill 304" does
spelled just right.
not
seem
to be
Mr. Cordray knows how to pick his
weather.
Another submarine crisis is about
due.
Gleams Through the Mist.
BY DEAN COLLINS.
CONCERNING FIG CUES,
fear I will never rise high in the
sphere
Of banking endeavor and finance and
such;
In figuring int'rest I always appear
To Bhow an ability not very much;
My talents for business, they go on
a crutch;
never could learn and nobody could
teach.
But I've one line of figuring no one
can touch '
When the figures I deal with are
figures of speech, . .
At dancing I always was somewhat -a
dunce, . . '
As many a fair lady's toes. will at
test; .
mastered the eagles rudiments once.
But balked on the fine) points, it
-must be confessed.
The tangoes and glides and'tho walks
, and the rest "
Of the classiest figures I never could
-reach; . '
But In one line of rhtthmn, I chal
lenge the best
When the"' figures I deal with are
figures of speech. t
fear, as a sculptor, I'd be fuite a
. frost, , .
Though I have a friend who . has
mastered the art.
The figure of Venus would surely' be
lost .r
Ere "I finished the sketch In the
clay I might start; "
At molding wax figures I never was
smart, '.-"
Though I often attempted to model a
peach;
But one! line of sculpture, I know it
by heart ' "
When the figures I deal with are
figures of speech.
L' ENVOI.
So friends, let us everyone stick to
his line.
And there will be plenty of glory
for each.
Your figures give you no- more
pleasure than mine
When the figures I deal with are
figures of speech.
Sir," said the Courteous Office Boy,
coming in with., a sandwich f or; the
Muse, "is the writing of free verse a
brand new fad, as we have been led
to think?"
'Why do you ask, my son?" I said
dexteriously appropriating the sand
wich for myself. .
Well, sire." said the C. O. B.. "I've
been contributing verse to your colyum
for three years now and I've never
gotten anything for it yet "
Yes, real continue!"
Well, all I've got to say is; If that
isn't what you'd call free verse "
And, come to hink of It, aspiring
potes have been writing free verse for
a long time, haven't they?
NAMES IS NAMES.
Cassius ran bills at the store,
For he was always rash; .
Now bill collectors more and more ,
Keep coming after Cash.
In these days of. efficiency there
ought to be some way of devising
method for utilizing the by-products U
primary campaign, such as candl
dates' cards frinstance.
We used to play poker for the bock
with 'em, and in those good old days
four Judges would beat a full-house
on District Attorneys and Constables.
Or we might use 'em to repaper the
house every Spring, and instead of a
wisteria room and a rosebud room and
so on, we could work out alternate de
signs of bald-headed and non-bald-
headel legislators, or develop a pretty
little circuit Judge motif in the parlor,
featuring a frieze of Sheriffs and
County Clerks.
It's a field that some efficiency
expert ought to look into and we can
furnish him 11 po'cketfuls of cards to
begin on.
TOURISTS PRONOUNCING G.RTEEH
Newcomers spring, with nerve serene, a
Remark about the town Helena;
But very soon you'll hear them tellln" a
Worse tenderfoot, that It is Helena.
The garbage carts, no more they 11
park 'em
Along the gulch , that s known as
Marquara.
The seagulls' calls for food yet sound
Above the waves in Puget Sound.
They catch the smelt and nets enmesh
em .
In streams that flow quite close to
Gresham.
The waterfall doth splatter well
The landscape up at Latourell.
THOSE FOND VICES.
The comic supplement Is crude;
I like it;
It teaches chadren to be rude;
I like it; .
It makes them saucy, pert and smart
It makes their reverence depart; - -
It is a libel against art;
I like it.
Oh, kleptomania Is a crime;
I like it; .
It makes-one finally do time;
I like it;
It brands you with a felon's brand;
And from society you're canned;
And Judges harshly reprimand; ,
I like It.
THE SHORTEST POME.
We have with us today as candidates
for A place In the Academy -of Abbre
viated Potes. Hon. Wallace R. Struble,
the well-known militarist; Mrs. O. M.
Plummer, Introduced by O. M. Plum
mer, the school boarder, and F. D
Hawley, of Pilot Rock.
Gentlemen, and lady be seated!
The pome offered by these three
comes under the title of "Stung!1
"Why He Arose!" and "A Midsummer
Pastoral" and its text follows:
O!
B!
Bill Cuddy after Luke McLukln
around for some time suggested the
following which we print, not becaus
it Js the shortest pome In the langu
age, but because he says that It will
be a pome ofwell-nigh universal ap
peal. The title is "The Fat Girl in th
Fashionable Short Skirt" and the pome
lyricked by Bill, follows thus:
V4
Calf.
The shortest pome In the Englis
language will positively appear in th
very near future and in the nieantim
we extend the submarine sone to in
elude all further contributions of two-
letter stanzas, ,
PREPAREDNESS PARADE ON MAY 30
Suggestion I Offered for Bis Memorial
Day Fnlarr,
PORTLAND. May 16. (To the Edi-
or.) What more auspicious time could
e selected for a vast preparedness pa
rade than on May 30. Memorial day?
The Sunday Oregonian contains a
plendid programme for May 30 In hon-
r of our Nation's dead soldiers and
sailors. It says that previous to the
rlnclpal part of the programme o
the day, at the German House, where
literary - exercises will bo held, the
rand parade will take place.
by not make the main feature of
this Memorial .day a grand prepared-
ess parade? And let everyone who be
lieves in preparedness help make this
the greatest parade ever held In Port
land's history.
The pride of all organizations, the
Grand Army of the Republic, chould
lead this big parade. -
All ex-Army and ex-Navy men should
are a section.
All former members of the National
Guard not now. affiliated with other
organizations should have a section
ssigned to them in charge of General
Charles F. Bebee. to be designated the
Militia veterans' League.
Let banners, properly Inscribed, be
carried by each section.
Everyone believes in preparedness.
But a few will not admit it.
As an example where all citizens
unite in preparedness, take our present
Ity government: Its police lorce anu
fire department are organized and pre
pared for a purpose, viz: to protect
and prepare the city against mob rule.
lawlessness and arson oanaits. were
not for these two branches or our
municipality, the Villa In every city
would be a source of terror and an
nnvmite.
The nreDaredness programme is
Identical with a city's police and fire
rjatrol. but on a. large scale. It plans to
protect and prepare our Nation against
those who would overrun, crusa ana
destrnv us.
Then why not all join nanas in a
Xation's protection, which Is just as
r j apti t lul nA A oitv's?
t owv-ei-x nhvsicians. nreacners, an
professions, all trades and all occupa
tirtma nhnillil tflkft Dart.
Tt writor mircfsts that a more suit
able place for the literary portion of
the programme wouia De tne wumiu-
mih Kield. A much larger audience can
be accommodated at this place than at
th Oermnn House or other enclosed
structure. ROBERT H. BLOSSOM
NOW NOTHING MORE TO LOOK FOR
:olr Link, rut Finishing Touch to
IJte, Says Sarraatle Writer.
POR-ftjlXD. Or'.. May 16. (To the
Editor. Whereas our City Commis
sloners in their affectionate regard for
th wnrklnerman have put good cil
money into a municipal son imss, mere
remains tho Question of maintenance
of this common utility so that all may
rjnrtake of the investment.
In order that the populace may have
the facilities for iucreaslng Its knowl
edge of this highly cultured game an
anneal ia in order now for the city
fathers to buy a couple of carloads of
golf balU and the proper propellers for
nnirifinc In this grand Ola game, come
of the workingmen of Portland are in
need of brassiea and uniforms wnere
with to contest.
Inasmuch as most workingmen worn
throughout the day the city fathers in
their arenerositv ought to provide
lighting system on the links so that
the workingman can get his propor
tionate share of the golllng after sup
per. A nineteenth hole, possibly, would
add xest to the putting.
Doubtless the City Council will De
wllllntr to nasi an ordinance giving al
city employes holidays on Tuesdays and
Thursdays ror tneir gpn pracin-e. ii-
ficlencv is what our Council Is after,
o it is highly important that all good
citizens should take up goir so tnat
Portland may eventually come into
ascendency in swiping the gutta petyha
with a club. .
Golf is vastly more Important than
anything else, so the force of white
wings" can be put to work manicuring
the links. At odd moments they can
act as caddies. We ought by all means
have a municipal golf umpire to check
and summarize the long clouts.
There isn't much more in lne tha
our Council can aceompiisn. ineir
great mission is finished. The world
may now go to racK.
We should worry. e have our gol
links. Man needs little here below
and If his representatives provide
enough golf he ought to be satisfied.
J. B. COTTl.NlillAM,
CAT IS MOST - SXKAKIXO ANIMAL
Poultry Raiser Admits They're Cute,
but Expects to Protect Her Chirks.
PORTLAND. May 16. (To the Ed
itor.) Please permit me a few remarks
In regard to "cats. One writer states
that cats are the worst abused animals
that live. How about our dogs and
horses our best friends and most use
ful animals? I have had horses, cats
dogs, chickens, pigeons, and last bu
not least Belgian hares, to care for, and
I love animals and birds and teach
my children to do the same.
1 had a lovely cat which never
touched our chickens, but used to go
Into our neighbor's chicken pen and
catch the little chicks. Finally we
bought property In another section o
the city. We disposed of every pe
but our chickens.
Last Spring I paid a big price for
setting eggs, and out of about id chick
we raised 18. We had good coops, du
the cats got them in spite of anything
we might do.
' One day last 'Summer I sat on th
back lawn and In came a big Tom
over our fence. I "hollered" at him
and he kept coming, and before I got t
the little chicks he had one and was
back over the fence again.
A agree with the writer, and think
person found dropping cats Ought to
be punished. I Know of milkmen wn
have been known, to drop as many as
three or- four cats In one night. 1 nap
pen to know, too, that the cats whic
stole our chickens have homes and are
big, sleek, fat felines.
Of course, cats are cute and smart
and we do grow attached to them. Bu
that does not excuse their sneaking
habit, and a rat is the most sneakin
animal alive. Also, believe mo, whe
cats start this year to steal my chick
ens I am going to "get some cats.
have our yard fenced off, and an
trespassing by cats is forbidden.
MRS. J. S. W.
Part of the Treatment.
Maritime Medical News. ,
Patient (to pretty nurse) Will yo
be my wife when I recover? Pretty
Nurse Certainly. Patient Then yo
love me? Pretty Nurse Oh, no; that'
merely a part of the treatment,
must keep my patients cheerful;
promised this morning to run awa
with a married man who has lost both
of his legs.
In a Milliner's Shop.
Kansas City Star.
"My dear wife spent her early years
in a milliners shop." said a wealthy
self-made man -the other day. "Min
spends most of her tme there now
growled his friend. "She's pretty
dear, too."
Women Whe nesltates.
Indianapolis Star.
"They say," remarked the epinstef
boarder, "that the woman who hes
states Is lost." "Lost is not the prope
word for it," growled the fussy old
bachelor at the pedal extremity of th
table. "She's extinct."
Daughter of Revolution.
Exchange.
Marjorle (watching expert fee skater
How can that girl revolve so long o
one foot? Dorothy Probably she's
DavyjUtec o the. Devolution,
In Other Days.
Half a Century Abo. "'
From The Oreirnnian of May 18. 1S.
The citizens of The. Dalles held a
eeting last-lght for "the purpose, as
xpressed In the call, of devising means
to put a etop to the Indian depreda
tions that are being committed on the
anyon city road.
The upper Ward of this city Is im
proving very rapidly. Last year at this
tune there was not a dwelling on the
ast side of Front street above the
Penitentiary. Now we find the bank
thickly set with neat cottages.
We were shown .yesterday at the
assay office of Wells-Fargo & Co. the
andsomcst gold brick that we have
yet seen. It was made from pure dust
f the John Day mines and was valued
. $t90o.
The Indians killed a man about ten
miles from Canyon City last Friday.
He was shot with arrows In 22 places
nd was apparently beaten over the
head with a club.
It Is asserted on good authority that
the Copperheads of this county have
Danuoned the. hope of carrying the
lections here and are already export-
ng their forces to other counties where
they think they may be successful.
Twenty-live Years Ago.
From The Oreconian of May 16. 191.
The United States Attorney-General
avlng decided against the exnendl-
ure of the National Government for
the construction of a temporary port
age around the Cascades, the state of
Oregon has decided to build.
The Albina Council has cranted
franchises to the Willamette Bridge
Railway Company for extensions of
neir lines on Mississippi avenue to
Multnomah Addition and on Williams
avenue to Piedmont, three miles in all.
Consolidation will quickly give
Portland a standing among the big
cities." It will promote a growth
through which within two years we
nan nave a population of. more than
100,000.
Constantinople. May 15. Russia has
addressed a communication to the Porte
substantially threatening force unless
he Dardanelles shall be opened to the
ommerce and the volunteer fleet of
Russia, .
Washington: May 16. A rumor that
has more than "the ordinary credibility
n such matters says that Senator Ed
munds will be made minister to Eng-
and and that Robert T. Lincoln, now
n that position' will be made Secretary
of War.
PUTTING IT OVER ON THE VOTERS
Democratic Scheme to Spring Ticket at
Elcrmth Hour.
PORTLAND. May 15. (To the Edi
tor.) A splendid motto for Repub-
icans next Friday would be: "DoiVt
be fooled. Watch and wait. Look out
for the ticket of the invisible govern
ment to be sprung at the eleventh
hour." It will be under the lead of
one of the men who was at the head
of the Democratic campaign six years
ago.
This invisible government, which In
the past has given us two Democratic
Senators and a Democratic Governor,
wears gum shoes and speaks in a
whisper. It is not now so invisible aa
it was.
What Is there in the story now run
ning the rounds that an up-valley state
candidate has alien down in his at
tempt to 'tie up three .Muunoman
County candidates in a combine on an
Invisible "antl ticket," so-called, be
cause the Multnomah candidate don't
wish to' furnish all the capital? It is
understood that they are straight Re
publicans, and that the use that has
been made of their names on the streets
Is not authorized by them.
There is said to be a suspeclon prev
alent everywhere that any candidate
who ties up with the Democratic man
agers and Democratic papers In this
Republican year Is going tohear from
it later on. Where is the Republican
candidate who can afford to tie up with,
another candidate who is supported by
all the Democratic press and orposed
by all the Republican press? Truly.
now Is the time for UepuMlcans to
watch and wait. Swat anything that
looks like a Democratic combine.
REPUBLICAN.
NOMUXCIATIHE MAKES HIM WILD
-Why Empty Office of Coffey and Fill
-With Ilevcrldner Ak,a Mr. Smug.
PORTLAND, May 15. (To the Edi
tor.) If my memory serves me cor
rectly It was The Oregonian that re
cently gave the pronunciation of the
word, or name rather. "Villa" as If
spelled "Vee-ya," which sounds like a.
Chinese adverb, and The Oregonian also
recently gave the pronunciation of tho
words "Sinn Kein" (of recent Irish
fame) as If spelled. "Shane Fane." which
sounds like the tones of a Swiss church
bell. n
Now having seen the Mexican Gen
eral Obregon's name in print so often
of late I a"m wondering whether we
should prorrounce It O'Brien or
O'Shauchnessy.,
Another thing that has perplexed me
greatly is the fact that the County
Clerk's office is at present .filled with
or rather by Coffey, and there are those
who contend that the County Clerk s
office should be filled by a Beveridge.
Well, whafe the use? Isn't coffee a
beverage?
SMITH.
Pronounced down at Clatskanie, Smug.
Mother's Day Badge.
PDRTLAND, May 15. (To the Edi
tor.) iYesterday I wore a white carna
tion in honor of my mother, who lives
in an Eastern city, but was much dis
tressed to be informed late in the day
th'at I should be wearing a red, because
the white signified that the wearer's
mother is not In the land of the living.
I generally keep up on such matters,
but if this ruling upon the colors of
flowers worn on Mother's day Is new
It has escaped my notice. Will you
kindly straighten the matter out for
me? A HEADER.
The accepted badge for Mother's day
Is the white carnation. The distinction
made in colors for dead and living Is
not general.
Location of School.
YAMHILL, Or.. May 15. (To the Ed
itor.) To settle an argument, will you
please state through the columns of
your paper the location of the Lincoln
High School? What streets bound It?
A SUBSCRIBER.
Broadway, Park. Market and Mill.
Looking Forward
The Summer Home
People are already beginning to
plan for their Summer vacations..
Once again the newspaper proves
to be their best friend whether
they want to select their hotel or
cottage, or buy the furnishings they
will need.
Glance through the-advertlslng In
today's Oregonian and see how well
It answers the questions in your
mind.
The advertisements are singing to
the music of your needs. They have
anticipated your very thoughts.
The greatest public service agents
of today are the advertising col
umns of a good newspaper.