io THE 3IORXIXG OREGOMAN, SATURDAY, MAT 1910. I'OKTI.AM), OREGON. Entered at Portland. Oregon. Postofflee u Second-Class Matter. bubuciiption Kate Invariably la Advance. (BY MAIL). Daily, Sunday included. one year. ..... 18.00 Dally. Sunday Included, six months.... 4.25 DaLiy, Sunday Included, three month!. . 2.25 Daily, Sunday Included, one month..... .73 Dally, without Sunday, one year 6.00 Dally, without Sunday, nix months.... 3.25 Daily, without Sunday, three months.. 1-45 Dally, without Sunday, one month 60 Weekly, one year 1.50 Sunday, one year ..... 2.50 tfimoay and weekly, one eaj-...--.-....-b.0O (By Carrier). Dally, Sunday Included, one year. ..... 9.00 Dally, Sunday Included, one month.... .75 How to Kemit Send Postofflce money order, express order or personal check on vour 'local bank. Stamps, coin or currency are at the sender's risk. Give postofflce ad dress In full. Including county and state. Postage Kates 10 to 14 pages, 1 cent; 16 to 28 pages, 2 cents; 30 to 40 pages, S cents; 40 to 60 pages, 4 cents. Foreign postage double rate. Kastern Business Office The S. C Beck wlth Special Agency New York, rooms 48 60 Tribune building. Chicago, rooms 510 S12 Tribune building. POBTUSD, SATURDAY, MAY, 7. 1910. HUGHES' REMEDY FOR PRIMARY DE FECTS. Oregon has suffered evils of the go-as-you-please, wide-open nominating primary, and Is coming to the remedy of the assembly - guided primary. Those evils are so glaring that Gov ernor Hughes, of New York, saw that they must" be avoided in that state through the assembly plan. The measure carrying his Idea of assembly and primary, the Hlnman-Oreen bill, Is pending in the Legislature of his state, and is beset -with powerful op position from politicians of both par ties. In the State of Indiana last week Democrats turned from the go-as-you please primary, by naming a candidate for United States Sen ator to succeed Beverldge, in state convention. Governor Marshall, one of the leaders of that convention, defended its action and confessed the faults of the wide-open primary, aa 1'ollows: The suggestion that the delegates of the party, coming fresh from the people, should name the man -who shall be elected "United States Senator In the event of Democratic success, compiles with the Democratic Ideal of the lost sixteen years, and avoids the sole objection that could be urged against that Ideal the Inability of a poor man to enter the contest. Oregon's troubles iwlth the direct primary have been severe. Its of Jices have been filled with self-seekers, Its party politics with disruption and Its primaries with perjured mem bers of rival political organizations. 'Full sweep has been given to minori ties to make discord and to Demo crats to take advantage of Republican dissension. Direct primaries have added greatly to expense of campaign ing, so that only men of large mjans can make "runs" for Important of fices. But now Republicans will rec ommend candidates for nomination at the primary, by sti-te assembly of more than 1200 members. This as sembly will pick fittest men for nomi nations, and voters in the primary will have a ticket before them that is vouched for by the most representa tive body of citizens In the common wealth. And should the voters dislike the ticket or any members of it, they can reject all or any of it in the pri mary and name men of their own choosing. This appeals to Governor Hughes and his so-called radical friends in New York as a very proper primary system, and they have embodied it In their Hinman-Green bill. Assemblies or conventions composed of members of state and local central c-mmittees are to name advisory tickets for pri maries. In Oregon, however, the as sembly is to be composed of more than 12 00 delegates chosen from the body of the Republican electorate. In New York the Hughes plan is considered severely radical, and there is no de mand for the system hitherto prac ticed In Oregon. Yet In Oregon a body of citizens profess to believe the use of assembly as a scheme of reac tionaries who oppose the "rule of the people." The assembly precursor of primary will go far to cure tl-.j defects of di rect nomination. It did so in Port land last year and the better person nel of the city government vindicates the improvement. The Hughes plan in New York is meeting the opposi tion of desperate politicians of both parties, which is evidence enough that it will unseat them from power and transfer control of pi.rty organization to the people. ATHLETIC MtOCrRESS. The resolutions adopted by the faculty at Eugene on the subject of intercollegiate athletics are expressed in language so extremely learned that it Is difficult to decipher their mean ing. After some little effort a tenta tive translation has been prepared for one sentence and it is here presented: "Under the best conditions intercol legiate athletics promotes friendly re lations among the colleges. Under ordinary conditions it promotes hostil ity." If this translation is correct, a matter which is more than doubtful, it must be confessed that the faculty of the State University, in spite of their learning, or perhaps because of It, have managed to hit upon a pro found truth. Persons who have paid somy attention to contests between college have seldom failed to notice the bitterness, the trickery, the resort to small deceptions, which almost In variably prevail. So far are they from promoting anything like friendship be tween institutions that they actually create and foster the petty vices of Jealousy and spite. Taking everything into account, it Is pretty safe to say that intercol legiate athletics has done aa much harm as good In the last ten years. The charge of the faculty that "It leads to an apotheosis of physical prowess and consequent disparage ment of mental achievement" is strictly true in spite of its poly syllables. The big man of the col lege among the students, and among many members of the faculties also, is the beefy football champion. His brains are of no consequence. His moral character does not matter greatly. The all Important fact is that he can thrust himself by brute strength through the opposing line. It is time that this ideal of manhood were modified. Physical prowess is all very well, but the most useful cit izen is not necessarily a very muscular man. In the evolution of the human race, intelligence has counted for a good deal more than physical prowess and that Is likely to be the case for some time to come. The moderate athletic sports which the students of each college will of their own accord practice among themselves without discord and without much noise are the most wholesome for their bodies and interfere least with the activity of their minds. The spectacle of a band of young men traveling boisterously about the country to take part in gladiatorial combats is not in Itself edifying, and the examination marks which are earned during the performance must be largely fictitious. How many col leges can raise their right hands and solemnly deny that they count athletic skill as the equivalent of Homer and Euclid? THE SEWER-PIFE GRAFT. Mayor Simon is to be commended for his effort to admit competition in prices of sewer pipe. Prices are excessive, and have been so many years. They are part of the scheme of graft of the plumbing and clay-pipe trust, whose insatiate maw devours greedily the substance of a defense less public. The Plumbing Inspector, be it noted, opposes the proposed raid on the trust, declaring he will not allow use of glazed cement pipe. The Councilman who engages in the plumbing . business and supports the graft of the trust, Mr. Rushlight, declares he will fight any ordinance that proposes to break this monopoly of clay pipe. And an evening news paper, whose master, Mr. Bates, is head of the clay-pipe trust, also makes war on this endeavor to save the peo ple's money. Now here is an array of gentfemen whose professed friendship for the people is a pretty sight to behold in this emergency. Here we have a tightly organized plunderbund, com posed of clay-pipe manufacturers, plumbing supply manufacturers. Jobbers, bosses and Journeyman's union, boosting the cost of plumb ing to intolerable figures An essential part of this combine la that of clay-pipe makers, who, as yet, have no competition to meet, who charge all the traffic will bear, and who have grown rich with a quickness that has made the public wonder. Cement pipe, imperfectly made, is porous and unsanitary. So also is clay pipe, when imperfectly made. But only perfet l pipe is supposed to be admitted - into city -work. Glazed cement pipe, the City Engineer de clares, is safe and satisfactory for sewer uses. Common sense accords with this view. Will the city allow magnates of the trust to shut out cement pipe and con tinue to mulct the public? FIRST LEI THEM INQUIRE. In the State of Washington there is a. Direct Legislation League, made up of pure men who are sure they are all right and everybody else all wrong. It has headquarters at Seattle, and it is busy with its propaganda. The Direct Legislation League is not satis fied of course to work out reform and improvement on approved and time tested lines. What It wants is revolu tion something entirely different from any scheme of government worked out by experience through sev eral thousand years. Here is the twaddle put forth by the Direct Legis lation League of Washington: It is some work to devise a good law. to write out Its full text and to obtain for it the attested signature of 8 per cent of all the legal voters in the state. No one is going to undertake so much work unless there appears to be sound reason why the Bald law should exlet; nor- unless there is expectation that a majority of the people will vote for it when It comes to them for approval or disapproval at the next election To secure the right of Initiative and ref erendum is the only sure way for the people to get such laws as they want. The initiative is the only sure way for a few people to get the laws they think they want. It is no work at all for a certain kind of statesman the new Oregon type to devise a law, for apparently they have nothing else in the world to do. The law is framed and submitted under the initiative and the people must accept it or reject It just as it stands, without opportunity for compromise, correction, revision or amendment. That is not law-making; It is law-breaking, since it breaks down the established forms of legislation and government, and leads to con fusion, uncertainty and chaos. If the people of Washington are seriously thinking about the initiative they can find out a few things about that wonderful invention by inquiry from Oregon. OUR TASTERS. In a modest way Portland has been struck by a fasting mania. No fatal consequences have been reported thus far, but nobody knows (what will hap pen if the victims of the malady do not recover soon. The fasting mania is a new form of an old mental dis order. It may be compared, to the rage for whipping their bare backs which sometimes seizes upon religious devotees in certain sects. The poor deluded creatures will rain blows upon their bleeding shoulders until they drop down in complete exhaustion. The supposition is that the Almighty Is pleased to look on and marks off a certain fraction of their sins for each blow. It is not understood that the Port land fasters are undergoing the tor ture for the benefit of their souls. It is rather their bodies "which they ex pect to fortify and cleanse by abstain ing from food. The process resembles the ancient one, so sadly familiar to wives with lazy husbands, of trying to sustain fire without fuel. Some of the maniacs may reach the degree of suc cess which was attained by the man who resolved to keep his horse with out oats or hay. His diet was reduced by insensible stages to three straws a day, when the unhappy beast inter rupted the scientific experiment by perishing. Far be it from us to hint that any of our local fasters may meet with a similar calamity, and yet it is pos sible. One person informs The Ore gonlan that after a fast of nineteen days, some years ago, he fell into a mental collapse from which he never has fully recovered, but we do not deny that this may be a rare exception to the rule. The learned Dr. Fletcher tells in one of his entertaining books of fasts which he has made covering forty and even sixty days. Some of hi3 patients have done the same thing. At least he says they have. This makes the much belauded scriptural miracles of forty-day fasts look rather petty. Elijah must look to his laurels. The necessity for devouring food Is an expensive and somewhat vulgar burden which nature has imposed upon us. Just .at present it is pe culiarly obnoxious because of the high cost of nourishment. Perhaps it is this circumstance which has stimu lated the fasters to make their heroic experiments, though we incline to our first opinion that it is a species of in sanity. Still one would not wish to appear a bigot concerning the matter. If the fasters really are seeking to find a method of permanently living without food they have The Oregon ian's best wishes for their complete success, and none v-ill join more heartily than this paper in the laugh which -will ensue at the chagrin of the Beef Trust and its rapacious allies. KING EIW ARI. Albert Edward, born Prince of Wales, was the second child and first son of the late-Queen Victoria and the Prince Consort. He was born Novem ber 24, 1841. and was therefore in the 6 9th year of his age. He succeeded to the throne of Great Britain and Ireland upon the death of his mother, January 22, 1901, and two days later was proclaimed "Edward VII, by the grace of God, King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, defender of the faith and Emperor of India." He held his first levee on February 11, following, and three days later opened parliament. Though devotedly attached to Queen Victoria, the accession of King Ed ward was, from the first, hailed with Joy by all classes of the English peo ple. The pomp and ceremony of roy alty had been largely eliminated from state functions for many years. Since the death of the Prince onsort, in 1861, the Queen had been a perpetual mourner, shutting herself away from public functions as far as j-osslble. The elimination of this vain show of grief from state functions was grate ful to the English people, while the substitution of the masculine for the feminine mind in the perfunctory du ties of government that devolve upon the sovereign was a change that was not unwelcome and duly appreciated. The King's long tutelage in the du ties of his position made him a popu lar and positive force as King in the life of the British people from the first, and this popularity he enjoyed in increasing measure to the end. He was a monarch to be reckoned with for peace, for international courtesy, and for the dignity of the nation. His functions as a ruler were closely circumscribed by the constitution of the realm, and he exercised these with such formal circumstance as the people loved and approved of without essaying prerogatives of which the crown, in the processes of years, had been shorn. As Prince of Wales, King Edward was in his childhood and boyhood the idol of his mother's subjects. As a youth he was courted and feted and made much of throughout the conti nent of Europe. He visited the United States in 1860 and was most graciously received by the people. The country, socially speaking, was at his feet. Under such circumstances his life was not always one of rectitude, but the delinquencies of his youth have long since been forgotten by his people, or remembered only as inci dent to the temptations to which he was subjected on every hand. March 10, 1863, he was married to Princess Alexandra of Denmark, who for nearly half a century has filled the high sta tion to which she attained In early girlhood with dignity, self-respect and absolute devotion to duty. She has been faithful to her husband as Prince and King, a devoted mother to his children, and for nine years the grace ful, beloved sharer of the English throne. Five children were born to them, two sons and three daughters. The oldest son, Edward, Duke of Clarence, heir apparent to the throne, died in 1892 while yet in his early manhood. The second son, George, Prince of Wales, will succeed his father as George V. His oldest daughter, Lou ise, married some years ago the Duke of Fife, a subject of the realm. Maude, the second daughter, is the wife of King Haakon of Norway. Victoria, the remaining daughter, is unmarried, the constant companion of her mother, and in conjunction with her a faithful nurse of the King in many of his minor illnesses. King Edward lies today upon his bier honored among men a man of high repute for peace and amity among nations, a King truly mourned by his people. Sixty years Prince of Wales, nine years a King, the white light of the throne has beaten con stantly upon his path. That it has revealed some things that were bet ter left in the shadow is true. But that it has shown a generous nature, an amiable disposition, a willingness to accept responsibility with dignity and to discharge the duties of life ac ceptably is also true. Beloved for all things lovable In his character; hon ored as hereditary Prince and King for nearly three-score and ten years, he has finished his course and gone the way of all living. PERMITS AND TRANSFERS. It. is by comparison with some of the Yiear-by cities that the remark able growth of Portland makes the most effective showing. The Seattle Daily Bulletin Monday printed the totals for real estate transfers and building permits for the month of April. These figures show a total for the month of J2, 074, 795 in real estate transfers and $1,389,500 in building permits. The Portland real estate transfers for the month of April, as compiled toy the Daily Abstract, were $2,975,068, and the Building permits reached a total of 2. 014,772. Accord ing to the Seattle paper, the total real estate transfers for the first four months of 1910 in that city have to taled J9, 743, 224. The Portland trans fers for the same period were $13,119 -941. One noticeable feature of the Seattle statistics is the low average cost of the structures for which building permits- are issued. The April totals of 11.389,500 represented 1243' permits, an average of but J1118 each. In Portland there were but 614 permits represented in the total valuation of $2,014,772, showing an average -alue per structure of $3266. This apparent difference in the cost of buildings erected at Seattle and Portland is largely due to the number of small repair permits which are taken out in Seattle. At Portland it is a rare oc currence for a permit to be issued for less than $100. Notwithstanding the record-breaking volume of real estate transfers and building permits that have been recorded every month this year, there does not seem to be an Immediate possibility of cessation. The business for the first few days of May was fully up to that reported in the early part of the preceding months, and there is enough business already in the hands of architects and contractors, for which permits have not been issued, to bring the totals to figures far in excess of May, 1909. If the present volume of real estate transfers is maintained throughout the year, as now seems probable, the total will reach $40,000,000. With building permits in excess of $5,000, 000 for the first three months of the year, a total of $15,000,000 for the twelve months would not be at all surprising. The practice by some insurance companies of paying as little for loss as they can by bluffing the insurer, regardless of premiums collected, received a setback in the case of W alter To' ze, the well-known Oragjnian whose large store at Falls Citv was burnet more than two fmonths ago. He carried $43,b00 In policies, and as late as a short time before the fire another agent sought to write another $10,000. Adjusters offered $20,000 in full settlement, which Mr. Tooze rightfully and promptly refused. Effort to arbitrate failed of agreement on a third mem ber. When Mr. Tooze initiated pro ceedings to collect by law the insur ance companies "came through" with an offer of $42,75 0, which was satis factory. The lesson shown in the case to possible losers by fire is that foreign companies cannot hand a gold brick to the man whose nerve and backbone are, of the proper consist ency and caliber. The salmon run, like a run on the hank, was much smaller the second day of the Spring season than the first, and the third day's run was smaller than the second. This would seem to confirm the reports that many of the thrifty fishermen had been pre paring for the event, and, in their de sire to open the season with the proper show of prosperity, had some caches of "catches" on which they drew for reserves as soon as the proceeding was safe. In this respect the 1910 salmon season does not differ materially from its predecessors. The policy of con serving our fishery resources will never become so thoroughly under stood and appreciated as to prevent some greedy fishermen from making an attempt to catch every salmon that comes into the river. With so many fishermen showing a strong desire to kill the goose that lays the golden eggs, it is perhaps surprising that sal mon are as plentiful as they are. The British steamship Janeta, char tered to load wheat, at Portland, has been diverted to Puget Sound. The German steamship Augustus, now ly ing in this port, lined and ready for a wheat cargo, may also be sent to the Puget Sound port. This shifting of business that rightfully belongs to Portland is said to be due to the fact that both grainhandlers and long shoremen's wages are lower on Puget Sound than at Portland, and that there is no "strike talk" in the air at Tacoma and Seattle. As a means of promoting industrial peace along the waterfront, the diversion of all of our shipping to Puget Sound might prove successful. This accomplished, -we might also be afforded the spectacle of some of the high-priced Portland la bor following the business to Puget Sound and gladly -accepting the pre vailing wages of the port. The Chicago wheat market is on the up grade again, and prices for the May option have reached a figure where any farmer within a thousand miles of the Chicago market can se cure the "dollar per bushel" right on the farm. If the 1909 crop were within 100,000,0000 bushels of the figure which Secretary Wilson says it reached, there should still be a sur plus of at least 100,000,000 bushels available for export from this country. One hundred millions is not a large sum in a country that now annually turns off about $3,000,000,000 worth of farm products, but if we could sell as much to the foreigners Just at this time, it would go far toward plugging up the hole which our heavy imports are making in that time-honored "bal ance of trade" that we have come to regard as essential to our commercial health and happiness. "A sea king's daughter from over the sea" went Princess Alexandra of Denmark to marry Albert Edward, Prince of Wales. She was a young girl then barely 16 years old a dainty figure in hoopskirts and filmy wedding gown. Today she is Dowa ger Queen of England, sad-faced, dark-robed, sorrowful with the lines of nearly fifty years of life's vicissi tudes written upon her still beautiful face. Yet no woman In all the realm is so beloved as she is today. Not alone because she was long the wife and is now the widow of a Prince and King of the realm, but for the tender graces, the divine patience, the gentle virtues that have characterized her life throughout the years. Five hundred are killed by an earth quake in Costa Rica and 200 meet a similar fate in a mining horror in Alabama. Superstitious and ignorant people may be Inclined to trace these tragedies to the presence of the comet. Had the earthquake horror occurred on a different date from the mining tragedy, superstition would have had a better hold on the situation. As it is, we must charge the Costa Rica trag edy up to one of those world-old con vulsions of nature against which it is impossible for mankind to guard. The other is, of course, due either to the carelessness or the negligence of man. Coal-mine disasters are always pre ventable, if gross carelessness is not the rule. "Cerisus Supervisor Hill," says a Se attle dispatch, "has been much criti cised for his extreme scrutiny of names in Seattle, every doubtful one and every possible duplicate being thrown out, with the result that the total count in Seattle is expected to be lower than the most conservative estimate." Too bad. Who is re sponsible for the grave blunder of getting an honest man to take the Se attle census? The eating habit, acquired early in life, can be overcome by firm superi ority of mind over matter and the money saved will buy flowers a-plenty for the final triumph. Yet most peo ple will eat to live rather than fast to die. In the pocket of a legless tramp found by the track at Clackamas yes terday was a bottle of whisky. As the bottle was not empty, the death may be classed as premature. Uncle Sam wants symmetry in army recruits, with an exception for bowlegged men in the cavalry arm of the service. The idea is all right for times of peace. The world needs fuel and these ever-recurring mine disasters are but part of the prics- T. R. IS NOT IX RACE FOR 191 John Callan O'Laughlin Brlnss) This Word Prom Europe. Washington Dispatch Chicago Tribune. While Colonel Theodore Roosevelt has declined to talk to anyone as to his atti tude with respect to the Presidential nomination in 1912, I am convinced from everything he has said bearing upon poll tics that It is his earnest wish not to be, a candidate for that honor. I have Just returned from Paris, where I left the Colonel enjoying the splendid hospitality of the French people. After being with him for six weeks, joining him far up the White Nile and continu ing with him through the Soudan, Egypt. Italy, Austria, Hungary and France, I am in a position now to state his atti tude regarding the Republican nomination a little more than two years hence. I saw all the letters he received from the time Ve boarded the Dal, the gov ernment steamer carrying him down the Nile, until I left him in Paris, I saw the responses which he made to these com munications. Many of these letters re lated to politics. His correspondents gave him full details of the political sit uation in the United States and insisted he was the only man who could possibly save the Republican party from defeat. Mr. Roosevelt earnestly wishes not to be a candidate for the nomination. There is not the slightest doubt that Mr. Roose velt is keenly Interested In the develop ments in connection with public affairs at home and Is eager to ascertain for himself the exact character of the events which have occurred. - The information he has received from his correspondents has been complete In detail and comes from sources in which he has confidence. At the same time he does not intend finally to make up his mind about many important public questions until he is on the ground and is able to reach a conclu sion based upon personal Inquiry and con tact with various men Interested In these matters in whom he has confidence and with whom undoubtedly he will talk after his arrival. Because he is an ex-President -does not relieve Colonel Roosevelt from his duty as a citizen, and he realizes this fact him self. It may be taken for granted, there fore, that he will stand in the future, as he has always stood, squarely and firmly for the things which will benefit and promote the prosperity of all the people of the United States. He will make this clear in speeches he will deliver at Chey enne. Wyo., the latter part of August, in Kansas on the occasion of the dedication of the John Brown battlefield, and In the address he will deliver before the conservation congress. There will be no criticism of anybody In his speeches. He will devote himself solely to the discussion of the great ques tions in which he has shown always the keenest Interest and the right solution of which he regards as vital to the happi ness and development of the people. ANOTHER CONSERVATION HOAX. Uncle Sum Keeps) Land While Neigh bors Pump Out the Oil. San Francisco Chronicle. There have recently been important dis coveries and developments of mineral oil In this state to a very large extent on land which was considered almost value leas and which has consequently remained either as publio land or unoccupied if in public ownership. Naturally the first no tion of the professional conservationists was to withdraw from entry all publio sands suspected of bearing mineral oil, lest somebody should find it and develop it for the beneficial use of this generation. And the land about 2,500,000 acres was withdrawn as soon as the apostles of con servation could get to the President. Judge Curtis H. Lindley, however, has taken the trouble to point out that most of the land in this district Is already in private ownership, some of It, apparently, being within the limits of an old railroad land grant, and some having been filed on in one of the may ways of acquiring publio land. On all this privately owned land, which Is proved or promising oil ter. ritory, development is about as active as it can be. It is certain that the under lying oil is all connected, so that It vir tually forms one body, and if the with drawn lands are kept withdrawn long enough, all the oil now under their sur face will have been pumped out into the tanks of those awful monopolies, the Southern Pacific Company and the Standard Oil Company. It is not al leged that these bloated and wicked monopolies were the first to put It into the heads of the conservationists to cause these withdrawals, but we do not think either of them is too good to do that by roundabout suggestion, or were not the first to recognize, what a bless ing to them such a withdrawal wiould be. But it Is unwise to allege what one is unable to prove. The only thing that Is safe to say Is that men of good in tentions who act upon impulse and emo tion are quite as likely to do mischief as to do good. No mineral lands should be with drawn from entry. All mineral discov eries are the result of speculative pros pecting in which there are 100 failures for every important success. It is only the hope of great gain which will in duce the prospector to endure the hard ships and take the risks of prospecting, and it is to the advantage of society that every possible encouragement shall be given to that hardy and adventurous race. To withdraw possible mineral bearing lands from entry is to put an end to the discovery of minerals. She Was) an Innocent Victim. Brooklyn Eagle. Every one in that part of the car smiled except the man who did it and the girl who was under the hat. He wouldn't let himself, and she did not know anything about it. He was a plain, quiet man. apparently of the higher type of mechanic She was young and pretty, and had one of the enormous new hats, with correspondingly enor mous pins stuck in at various angles. She was In one of the cross seats and he was standing behind her. Without moving a muscle of his face he drew from his pocket a folding footrule, carefully measured the expanse of the brim and let everyone around see that it was full 85 inches. Then he laid the ruler along the projecting end of a hatpin and gave proof that it reached EH inches beyond the crown. The un conscious owner of the creation looked up with a puzzled little frown as her seat-mate suddenly doubled over in mirth. The Idiot at the Breakfast Table. Harper's Weekly. "I hope you are satisfied with our table, Mr. Idiot," said the landlady. "In the main, yes." replied the Idiot. "But I really think I ought to regis ter a complaint against yesterday's fishballs, madam." "Why, I am sorry about that." said the landlady, blushing. "We rather pride ourselves on our fishballs. What was the matter with them, sir?" "Mine had a distinctly fishy taste," returned the Idiot. A Sailor's Prayer. Quoted by E. S. Bates in the Atlantic "O Lord. I am no common beggar; I do not trouble thee every day; for I never prayed to thee before; and if it please thee to deliver me this once, I will never pray to thee again as long as I live," EDUCATION FOB OF" LI4COR EVIL Prohibition la Matter for Local senti ment to Decide. Hood River News. In view of a campaign which will no doubt shortly be waged at -lood River for and against prohibition the News wishes to place Itself on record In regard to this matter. It has been approached to take an active stand on both sides of this question. Prohibi tion as we see it is a matter of purely local interest. Also one in which the personal liberty of mankind plays an important part- In othe words, what Portland may see fit to do in regard to the prohibition question should have no bearing on what Hood River does, and vice versa. We should not force a course of living upon our fel low man except with his consent. Should tae majority of the citizens of Hood River see fit to continue pro hibition let them do so. They should not, however, attempt to force resi dents of other sections of the state to refrain from the use of liquor or to allow residents of other sections to say what course we shall pursue here. Furthermore, a greater good can be accomplished in eradicating the evil effects of drink through education than can ever result from compulsory legislation. The schools of the coun try at large are doing a greater work for temperance reform than has ever been done by anti-saloon and other leagues, which in many instances have built up political machines that are not by any means' above reproach. The education of the boy or girl in the public schools as to the baneful effects of drink is a long step toward solv ing the prohibition question. And we might add that if much of the money and labor that Is spent in securing legislation and conducting a bellicose campaign against drink was used in educating people of adult age against the use of liquor the results, we be lieve, would be of much greater benefit. YANCEY AND THE CONFEDERACY In the Beginning; nn Active Rebel, He Counseled Peace on Any Terns. LOS ANGELES, Cal., May 2. (To the Editor.) Anent a recent editorial in The Oregonian in which some asper sion is cast on the elder Yancey (pre sumably William L.), no doubt he did more than any one man to induce Alabama to secede from the Union, but he was in many respects more far sighted than the most of the Southern leaders of that day. He labored under the fallacious Idea that cotton was king and that England and France would be compelled to recognize the independence of the Confederate states. After he was sent abroad as an agent of his government, he saw a new light, and realized for the first time there was no hope in expecting assistance from any European power. In the vernacular of the street he felt that the South had bit off more than It could chew with any degree of com fort. On his return he advised Jefferson Davis to lose no time In making peace, on the best terms to be obtained and had his advice been accepted in this particular the Civil War might have been brought to a close two years ear lier, but Mr. Davis was a man who would brook no opposition to his own opin ion. It was said that Senator Yancey was struck on the head by a large glass inkstand, thrown by Ben Hill, of Georgia, while the Senate of the Con federate states was in secret session, and that Yancey subsequently died from the effects of the blow. I was brought up In Alabama. My father was .a Union man. Most of my information concerning that period was obtained from my father. If my memory serves me correctly. Colonel Henry Watterson, of Kentucky, has published something very similar to what I have written about the elder Yancey. If the histories of the past that have been written are as loosely drawn as to facts as the bulk of the histories covering the Civil War, they are perforated with blow holes. It seems a difficult task for a man to write a history and not color it ac cording to his own views. W. B. MDONALD. Woodmen Banish the Goat. Minneapolis Journal. Nobody will ever be able any more to "get the goat" of the Modern Wood men of America. The high council of the Woodmen, representing some 7000 members in Minneapolis and more than 1.000,000 the country over, went -into executive session not long ago and evolved a plan that will put the or ganization's goat absolutely out of reach. The reason nobody will ever be able to get the Woodmen's goat from now on Is that the Woodmen are not going to have any goat. The only goat any where around initiation halls hence forth will be such goat or goats as are got from the initiate or initiates. The Woodmen do not say that their fraternal degree initiation has been re constructed into a picnic for the can didates. They guard their language, but District Deputy J. Q. Sundeen talked today about the new ritual that has Just been adopted, and let it be understood that the one-time strenu ous goat of the Woodmen has been taken to the country and farmed you. Real Engliih Queen Doesn't Reign. Paris Dispatch. Although Princess Ludwig of Ba varia is generally recognized as the one person .having the greatest right to the throne of Great Britain, she has persistently ignored the demonstration of the English Legitimists. Her right to the throne is through her descent from the Stuarts. She Is the last lineal descendant of the Stuarts and is styled by the Jacobites and Legitimists "Queen Mary IV." She was the Princess Mary of Austria-Modena-Este and is descended from Henrietta Mary, eighth child of Charles I. King Edward only claims descent from a daughter of James I. Nothing Left. Tit-Bits. "Have you," asked the judge of a recently convicted man, "anything to offer the court before sentence is passed?" "No, your honor," replied the prison er, "my lawyer took my last farthing." The Value of Kin. Atchison Globe. . Other people may talk behind your back and smile to your face, but kin always have the courage of their con victions; they'll tell you frankly what they think of you. CURRENT NEWSPAPER JESTS. "There is a draft coming in the window," said his wife. "Put .It in the safe," said the business man, drowsily. Buffalo Ex press. It's a wise legislator that knows nis own constituents, hut it's a much wiser con stituency that knows its own legislator. Judge. "This Is the last month the Browns and the Greens will be friends." "What makes you say that?" "They've rented a Summer cottage together." Detroit Free Press. "I should think that a notorious murderer like you would hate to make so many enemies." "I would, pard, but as soon as I make an enemy I draw my- gun an' un make him." Cleveland Leader. "My book is bound to selL" "Yes. it has got a pretty binding, but It is the contents of a book that causes it to sell, and some books which are bound to sell are bound to be a failure." Houston Post. "You say yon were away from the office yesterday because of illness?" said the stern employer. "Yei." replied the young man who knew he was discovered. "Several of the umpire's decisions made me sick." Washington Star. LIFE'S SUNNY SIDE Mark Twain, the humorist, had friends in this city, and one of them, a woman who was his hostess at a fflnner on his last visit to Philadelphia, tells "the fol lowing story: "We were talking about the future life, and the various kinds of reward and pun ishment that might be expected in the next world," she said, and Mr. Clemens took no part In the discussion. "After a few moments of conversation on the part of all the other guests, and complete silence from the humorist, the woman sitting next to him turned to him and said: "Well, Mr. Clemens, aren't you going to tell us what you think about future punishment and reward?" " 1 must ask you to excuse me. madame,' he replied, you see I have friends In both places.' " Philadelphia Times. The father of Senator Dolllver, of Iowa, was a Methodist circuit rider In the early 60s In Northern West Virginia. One Sunday morning he was on his way to preach at one of his several appoint ments when he met a young fellow trudg ing along with a mattock on his shoulder. Mr. Dolliver, anxious to do good at any time, stopped his horse and said: "Good morning, my son. where are you going this fine day with a mattock on your t shoulder?" The young fellow answered. I am going over to dig out a tine big groundhog; where in thunder are you going?" "I am out looking up some of the lost sheep of Israel," replied the minister. The young fellow's face lighted up and he exclaimed: "There's a big buck over here at Uncle Billy's, and I II bet that's one of them." National Monthly. The elevator conductor of a tall office building, noticing that the colored jani tor had ridden up with him several times that morning, remarked: "Sam, this is the fifth time I have taken you up, but you have not come down with me." "Well, you see," Sam replied. "Ah been washin' windows on de 'leventh floor, and every now and agin' Ah misses mah hold and falls out." Success. Andrew Carnegie at a dinner In Wash ington deplored the world's excessive arm aments. "All these billions wasted on battleships," he said, "are declared to do good in providing work, in creating pros perity. That is a shallow and false optimism. That. In fact, reminds me of the man who saldwhen his wages were cut down: 'Well,"" there's one comfort. When I'm laid up sick I won't loss as much money as I used to.' " Kansas City Star. Harry A. Maxwell, of Indianapolis, at the Raleigh told this story of Senator Beveridge, who was the subject of con versation among a crowd of Hoosiers last night: "When President Harrison was Presi dent of the United States, a delegation from Indiana came to Washington to talk over appointments, and while wait ing in the lobby outside the President's office at the White House, the conversa tion turned to lawyers. " 'Whom do you think the greatest law yer in the state?" asked one of the party. " 'Why, Benjamin Harrison, of course," responded two or three of the members In chorus. 'Not only is President Harri son the best lawyer in Indiana, but he is the best in the country. There is abso lutely no doubt of this." " 'And whom do you' think the next best lawyer In the state? was the second query propounded. " 'That's easy. Albert J. Beveridge,' was the response.- " 'Beveridge? Beveridge?' repeated the. man. 'You certainly don't mean that He is hardly old enough to vote, and the paint on his shingle is still fresh.' " 'Can't help that,' responded the In diana man. 'I know Beveridge is the next best lawyer in the state, because he says so himself.' " Washington Post. Why He Was Undecided. New York Sun. "The chap who works' on one side of me," said an office man, "has been married six weeks, and he sneaks to the telephone about four times a day and calls up his wife and then I hear him saying: 'Dear, how is your head ache now? I hope you are feeling bet ter." Then pretty soon he comes back to his desk and goes to work again all smiling. "The man who works on the other side of me has been married six years, and he goes to the telephone only when he's called and then I hear him saying: 'Why, I can't possibly do that, I can't spare the money'; and then he comes back to his desk all scowling. "And, really, when I hear the way these two men go on I don't know what to do; I don't know whether to get married or to stay a bachelor." Spain') Q,ueen by Light of Match. Seville Cor. New York Herald. A curious Incident happened at the village of Villalba del Alcor. The King and Queen passed through In an auto mobile at dusk, and the inhabitants stood along the highway to see and acclaim them. King Alfonzo, as usual, stopped to converse with the authori ties and the people surrounded the automobile, presenting flowers to the Queen. A girl approached the King and complained because they had come so late, when it was too dark to see the Queen. "What can I do?" asked the King, laughing. "If your majesty would like to light a match and show us the Queen's face, it would satisfy us," replied the girl. The King did as suggested, and the people cheered the Queen enthusiastic ally. No Symbolism. Baltimore News. Nazlmova insists that there is "no symbolism in Ibsen." Might as well say there is no cymbalishm in a brass band. The Cotmter-Redection. Punch. Belinda, when I dumped the other day My heart before your fashionable boot tips. And you replied with an immediate 'Nay, But then bethought you of the love-gbd's cute tips. And asked me kindly to remain Your brother the request was vain. I have conferred this boon (whene'er I could) On those who thought to ease my bosom's blisters With friendship's balm; but be It understood I have no vacancy just now for sisters. No opening at the present date For prayerful "followers of my fate." Dot has been that for ages, so has Joyce; There's Laura, too, (though her demand was weaker) ; But, goodness! had I failed to use my choice. Hid I bestowed a berth on every seeker To serve aa my Platonic chum. There would have been a fine old scrum. Besides, Belinda, though your queenly brows. Tour perfect elegance, might prove a treasure Regarded from the standpoint of a spouse. X ecarcvijr j ...n u. .... ..... Of friendship's untempestuous throb; That Is a rather brainy Job. You'd have to laugh at all my lightest jokes. To pen the warm encouraging epistle; Bless you, not every face In furs and toques That dooms me to devour the leek (or thistle) Is fit to join that little band Who help, who praise, who understand. No, when the bard Is searching for a wife. The careless feet of hundreds of enslavers May pound his soul and prance upon his life; But when they proffer him a sister's favors He has a right to pick and choose. And yours. Belinda I refuse.