8
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PORTLAND, THURSDAY. JULY SB, 1909.
ILLUSTRATIVE INSTANCES.
Lumber ought to be free of duty.
The House, however, will compromise
. on one dollar a thousand for rough
or ordinary lumber. But the Senate,
the body In which all the claims of
privilege find their refuge and defense,
stands for higher rate. Here Is one
of the chief difficulties of agreement
on the tariff bill.
Question Is, why there should be
any duty on lumber. Who are to be
protected by It? Only our owners of
timber lands, who, without having
paid any Just price for their holdings
now Insist on a duty upon foreign lum
ber, so they may be able to put up the
price of stumpage to loggers, who must
pass It on to the sawmill men, who are
. to pass It on to consumers. It Is a
typical tariff steal. The great tracts
of land, bearing timber, held by these
' people who are Insisting on the duty,
cost them little. These vast timber
areas, acquired through grants by the
Government and various shady pro
cesses, are held at many times their
cost value, and the Government which
received little for the land In the first
place. Is now called on to maintain a
tariff rate that will enable the bene
ficiaries to hold up the price of lumber
In the market against those whose
needs compel them to -buy It. It Is
robbery on robbery. But It Is the way
or the method of "tariff for protec
tion.' All advantages gained from tariff on
. lumber will go to the owners of timber
lands. The logger, the mill man, the
farmer and .builder, will" receive no
benefit from It. ' The duty will enable
the owner of the timber to charge a
higher rate for stumpage and the log
ger must pass It on, the owner of the
sawmill must pay It, and the buyer
and user of the lumber finally Is
charged with It. The Idea that the
United States of America, wherein Is
more timber than In any other coun
try of the world, should need
protection for timber or lumber of
fers a pretense' of peculiar absurdity.
The duty on lumber merely enables the
timber baron to advance the charge
for stumpage, and gives him an excuse
for doing It. The game is wholly In
the hands of the owners of large tim
ber tracts.
The question of the duty on hides
presents a similar case with no great
variations. The duty on hides will
enure only to the benefit of the great
beef trust, which buys the cattle and
pays nothing for the hides. Then to
Increase Its profits it demands a duty
which will keep hides from foreign
countries out of our markets and give
the eef trust virtual control of the
prices of leather and leather goods.
Experience proves that hides ought to
be placed on the free list and be kept
there.
Again, as to lumber. Our Pacific
States do not need protection from
any quarter. Foreign lumber will not
be shipped In here except in very
small quantities, of kinds which our
states do not produce. The duty then,
whatever It may be, will only give an
excuse to our timber lords to maintain
the cost of stumpage and put more
money Into their own pockets. Again,
as to hides. The beef trust will pay no
more for cattle If duty on hides is re
tained than If hides should be ad
mitted free. If these abuses and sim
ilar ones can't be ended or checked
row, when can they be? The laws of
the country never should give any man
or any combination such advantages.
WAIL FKOM THE MEADOWS.
The unusual rains of the present
month have been a blessing, or the
reverse, to farmers, according to the
crops injured or benefited thereby.
The hay crop suffered the most, very
few farmers getting the last load
under cover very few. Indeed, gett
ing any considerable portion of the
crop cured and stored before the
heavy showers of the middle of the
month fell upon ;t. Hundreds of tons
were thus taught in windrows or
cocks, and though practically all was
saved, and will. In stress of a severe
Winter, make forage for stock It Is
not first-class hay. "
This moans, of course, that the price
of hay will soar, hence the smaller
quantity which was saved In good con
dition will bring more to the producer
than would the large quantity, had all
been saved. This is manifestly the pro
ducers inning, and it Is not he. hut
the consumer, who is out and injured
by the rainy hay harvest. Though. the
wail of misfortune comes now from
the field, it will later be taken up by
dairymen and passed on to the con
sumer of dairy products: by livery
stablemen and passed on to thelr.pat
rons; by Government contractors and
passed up to the Government caus
ing outcry all along the line, resulting
in hardship in some cases, but not
culminating In disaster at any point.
. This condition represents an adjust
ment of supply to demand In various
ways. The rains that caused a shrink
age in the volume of hay were Just
what root crops, late cabbage and
kale, needed to stimulate rapid growth
and Insure an abundant yield of these
substitutes for feeding barn-yard
stock. They also revived the growth
of grass and mild forage plants in
pastures and woodlands, thus giving
assurance that farm stock and range
cattle will come through the season In
fine condition and not make, until
late in the Fall, perhaps not until
well on into the Winter, a demand
upon the Summer harvest stores.
Hay will be high. There Is no doubt
about that, but less of it will be used
thus tending to equalize the law of
upply and demand, while by means of
substituting other forage crops the
Interests that depend upon hay to
foster and support them will not
greatly suffer. Besides, when the scare
is over and the vexation and anxiety
that Is naturally felt when an un
seasonable rain falls upon an exposed
crop, have passed away. It will doubt
less be found that a great deal of hay
has been saved and the predicted hay
famine averted. In point of fact, no
menace of serious crop shortage in any
line has ever yet been followed by
disaster or even great inconvenience
in the Willamette Valley. We may,
therefore, expect the present wail
about a ruined hay crop and conse
quent hay famine, to die away In the
distance before feeding time comes.
WHEATEN FOODS.
Will wheat and wheat foods ever
again be as cheap taking average
prices for considerable periods as
they have been heretofore? Probably
not. The reason is that. In spite of
new means of transport and the open
ing of new countries to industry and
commerce, population again begins to
press on means of subsistence. Malthus
has not been disproved; only post
poned. The world is slowly catching
up with his theory aain.
The London" Economist has been
looking over the wheat situation of
the world; and the conclusion of its
researches is not a cheerful one for a
people who must Import most of the
materials of their bread. It finds that
the world's consumption of wheat is
not less than 8.000.000 bushels dally,
and between harvests the supply Is
run down to an Infinitesimal surplus;
which Is growing less, year by year.
The new territory available for pro
duction of wheat enlarges at less rate
than the exhaustion of old territory,
turned by necessity to other uses. Then
besides, there is increase of the num
ber of the world's consumers.
It Is certain that the amount of
wheat available for export from the
United States will decrease, year by
year. The process already is very
marked. New territory Is opening In
Canada, but its product will be largely
absorbed by Increase of local popula
tion. Other foods, even In new coun
tries must gradually be substituted for
wheat as In Italy and France and
Spain, where severe hand labor takes
the place of the plough, and where
farm machinery is unknown.
Bread, again, at intervals may be
cheap, but it never again will be cheap
through long periods, as It has been
known heretofore.
JUST A LITTLE COMPARISON.
Customs receipts at Portland for
the fiscal year ending June SO, 1909
were $734,229. Customs receipts for
the Puget Sound district, including
Seattle, Tacoma, Port Townsend, Ever.
ett, Belllngham. Blaine, Port Angeles,
Northport, Roche Harbor, Aberdeen
Anacortes. Sumas. Danville, Friday's
Harbor, South Bend, Spokane, Oroville,
Nelson and Chopaka. were SI. 426. 017.
The combined population of the
ports at which entries can be made in
the Puget Sound district Is nearly
three times as great as that of Port-,
land, but the receipts for customs was
less' than twice as great as the re
celpts at Portland alone. July receipts
at Portland this year are far in ex
cess of those of a year ago, and, as
there Is a noticeable revival In the
import business, the season now open
ing will undoubtedly show a very
heavy Increase In such receipts.
THE DESCHUTES BATTLE.
The Industrial battle In the Des
chutes Canyon is raging with Increased
vigor from day to day, with the Hill
forces very much on the aggressive.
Despite the peaceful assurance of both
of the contesting factions, that there
Is plenty of room In the canyon for
two railroads, it Is a fact well known
to all familiar with the situation that
there are certain places in the canyon
In which, there is room for but one
road. In passing through these
strategic points, both roads must use
the same track, unless one or the
other is forced to leave the water-level
grade along the river and follow a
route more expensive to build and op
erate. The Harriman people are not
talking much for publication, hut seem
quite positive that the opposing Tac
tion is not sincere in the announced
intention of building Into Central Ore
gon. It Is pointed out "that Mr. Hill has
quite recently denied having any in
tention of entering the field south of
the Columbia River; that the traffic
Is Insufficient for two roads; and that
Mr. Hill, through his Pacific Coast
Steamship Company, already has ac
cess to California. When it Is remem
bered that the great region traversed
by the proposed roads nas been wait
ing for more than a generation for
one railroad, it Is. of course, somewhat
surprising to see two roads making a
simultaneous and frantic effort to get
Into the country. There are reasons,
however, why Mr. Hill may deem it
advantageous to run a line through the
only water-level inlet to Central Ore
gon. The Hill roads. Including the
Burlington system, have a network of
main lines and branches extending
from Chicago to the Pacific. The Har
riman lines system is similarly situated
north and south from these main
lines, a large number of feeders have
been built all the way from Chicago
to the Columbia River.
With the single exception of a few
miles of road between Hunts Junc
tion and Pendleton, and the line to
Seaside, the road from Vancouver to
Portland is the only Hill mileage In
the State of Oregon, and there Is not
a single mile of Hill railroad in Cali
fornia. The Harriman system, the chief and
practicallv the only rival of the Hill
lines In the Pacific Northwest, is fully
as well provided as the Hill lines, with
main line and branch mileage across
the continent to the Pacific Northwest,
and in addition it has for exploration
the entire states of Oregon and Cali
fornia. In other words, Mr. Harriman
is on better than even terms with Mr.
Hill, with his transcontinental lines
and in the Eastern Washington and
Northern Idaho country, and in addi
tion, is practically alone in his glory
in Oregon and California, two states
Immensely rich in traffic possibilities.
Mr. Harriman's recent invasion of
Puget Sound and Grays Harbor, for
so many yCars exclusively Hill terri
tory, has further strengthened the
position of the-Harriman system. In
such circumstances, it is, perhaps,
natural that the Hill people should at
last display some aggressiveness, and.
move across the borders of the seem
ingly forbidden land.
If the present frenzied projection of
the Hill forces into the Deschutes, Is
backed by a sincere desire to build a
road through the canyon, it will hard
ly be the Central Oregon traffic that
has proved the lodestone. Instead, it
is probably the beginning of a line that
will terminate somewhere in the rich
traffic-producing regions of California.
Incidentally, it will, of course, draw
traffic from Central Oregon. Once
through the canyon, there is an em
pire in which roads can be built with
out the necessity of fighting for grade
locations. If this spectacular struggle
now in progress in the Deschutes Can
yon is a "bluff," It is of colossal pro
portions, and up to date has beefc more
perfectly maintained, than any similar,
piece of strategy ever attempted in
Northwest railroad building.
THE SHIFTY DEMOCRATS.
The tariff on hides amounts, as
everybody now understands, to a tax
on shoes and is paid to the beef
trust by all those who wear leather
on their feet. It is one among the
many thieveries which we suffer
through protection and by good rights
the Democratic party ought to have
stood out against it when the tariff
mockery was careering through Con
gress. This would have been In ac
cordance with the principles of their
party, and the wishes of their con
stltuents. In spite of all that, 90 Demo
crats out of the 147 in the House,
voted for a tax on hides and dear
shoes. Many In the Senate did the
same thing. The New York Evening
Sun, commenting caustically on their
treachery, says that it illustrates the
way In which "Republican and Demo
crat have become Interchangeable
terms." This does not seem to fit the
case exactly. The fact that the Demo
crats have become Republicans does
not by any means imply that the Re
publicans have become Democrats.
The Republicans, whether stand
patters or" insurgents, stand for pro
tection, which is an avowed principle
of their party and always has been.
Some desire more protection, some
less, but none of them have abandoned
the doctrine entirely. The Insurgents
wish to make protection a benefit to
the whole country. The stand-patters
wish to make It a benefit to their own
little clique at the expense of the
countrjv but all of them see benefit
for somebody In It. and that is what
they are striving for.
On the other hand, the Democratic
party has always opposed protection.
Some of the members have favored
a revenue tariff, some free trade, but
protection they have consistently ab
horred up to the present session of
Congress. Now we find them abandon
ing the bedrock on which their party
Is built, and out of pure greed, adopt
ing the doctrine of the Republicans. It
follows from this, not that Republican
has become Interchangeable with
Democrat, but that the word Democrat
has lost Its meaning altogether. The
Republicans stand where they hav
always stood. The Democrats have
crept up to them and begun to beg
for crumbs.
LIGHT OX BROHTBITION.
Does prohibition prohibit or not?
Do restrictions upon the sale of liquor
diminish Its use or increase It? The
fact that persons who are Interested
financially in ' the manufacture and
sale of drinks pretty unanimously op
pose restrictive legislation would seem
to be decisive of both questions. Surely
they would' not take the trouble to
fight laws which did not hurt their
business. Still, the whole subject Is
under dispute. Assertions on both
sides are commonly more vigorous
than accurate. It is safe to say that
people living in one community know
very little about the working of the
liquor laws which have been adopted
In the next one. Upon no subject in
the world has mendacity been exer
cised more freely than upon prohi
bition, both for and against It. To
clear up the question a little, The New
York Independent has published an In
teresting set of letters from people of
all shades of opinion In all parts of
the country. Some of them boldly
proclaim the unqualified success of
prohibition. The majority speak doubt
fully, while others declare that it is
a flat failure.
A striking letter from Des Moines.
Iowa, states that both the Golf Club
and the Grant Club, of that city, forbid
drinks on their premises. It fairly
glows with complacency over the suc
cess of prohibitive laws, but it was
written by a woman. She necessarily
depended for her information on some
man's word and the chances are heavy
that he deceived her. A woman's say
so about the use of liquor In men's re
sorts Is not worth a penny. It Is the
easiest thing in the world to fool her
and as a rule she Is only too eager to
be fooled. It is a trait of prohibition
ists, both male and female, to be satis
fied with words and let realities take
care of themselves. A more reason
able epistle comes from Wahoo, Kan
sas, the state to which every prohi
bitionist points with pride and longing.
Wahoo has eleven churches and four
saloons. At Its last election it chose
candidates favoring an open town by
a vote of two to one.
Here lies the gist of the matter. A
community which does not want liquor
sold, will manage in one way or an
other to keep It out. On the other
hand, if a town wishes the business to
be carried on, it will be. Laws may
be enacted from now till doomsday
and as severe as words can make them.
but they may remain nothing but
words. They may have no effect. All
the people need do to nullify a law
they do not like is to elect officers who
will not enforce It. This the people of
Wahoo have done. The same thing Is
done in hundreds of other towns where
many good people suppose prohibition
is in full force.
The first step toward making re
strictive liquor legislation effective is
to convince the population that it is
desirable. This has not yet been done
everywhere. The truth is that laws
have been passed more rapidly than-,
public sentiment has advanced. Still
it is undeniable that people understand
the effects of liquor upon the human
system a great deal better than they
did ten years ago. Its economic as
pects are more familiar. The fallacies
that liquor drinking promotes health
or increases energy or makes business
have been pretty thoroughly exploded.
With this increase of sound knowl
edge one may naturally expect prohi
bition to conquer new territory and ac
complish better results where it has
been long the law.
Even where the majority of a com
munity really desires prohibition and
stand ready to enfore it, their efforts
are often thwarted by the express com
panies which supply liquor under their
Interstate privileges. There are two
ways of checking this underhand
traffic. One is to restrain the express
companies by act of Congress. The
other is to convert the liquor-users
from their wicked ways. One may
guess that the latter will prove more
effectual in the long run. In fact,
most of the reforms we long for will
remain rather shadowy affairs until
we succeed in changing the Inner lives
of those whom we would uplift.
There is something to say, though.
on the other side. It is true enough
that righteousness plastered upon the j
outside of a person by law does not
do him much good, but it may do
others good. It may -suppress a bad
example. It may remove an oppor-
tunity which would entice the young
into evil ways. The Independent wisely
remarks that prohibition will show Its
best results In the coming generation.
Brought up without the contaminating
seductions of the legalized saloon, the
young will not be patrons of secret
bars after they reach maturity. The
old cases are probably hopeless, do the
best one can for them. They are
wedded to their bottles, and it Is Just
as well to let them soak themselves
comfortably into fhe tomb. When
they are gone the patronage of the ex
press company's clandestine saloon
will not. amount to much. The speak
easy will have lost 90 per cent of Its
customers. The whole secret lies in
the fact that In places where the sa
loon Is an outlaw It cannot educate
the young to become Its victims.
There is no question whatever that
the . saloon Is losing prestige every
where in the United States. Even in
large cities it is not looked upon with
quite the same favor It found twenty
years ago. The business of barkeep-
lng is a little more disgraceful than It
used to be. The saloon is less fre
quently spoken of as the poor man's
club and more often recognized as
the poor man's ruin. Moderate users
of liquor find it harder 'to hold their
Jobs than formerly. Competition Is
keener and the persons whose wits
have been stupefied by liquor cannot
keep up with the procession. No mat
ter if he stupefies himself only a little,
that little Is enough to decide the issue.
He drops out and some man who can
control his appetite completely takes
his place. The use of alcoholic drinks
Is doomed In our commercial society
simply because It does not pay.
It is with surprise, but with glad
surprise, that we see In the Aberdeen
(Washington) Daily u orld a four
page advertisement of Florence, Lane
County, Or., setting forth the prospect
and promise of Florence as possessing
"the only deep water harbor on the
Oregon coast," and "destined to be
come the second city of Oregon." We
learn from this elaborate advertise
ment much about present conditions
at Florence and more about Its hopes,
and the advertisement inserted In a
Gray's Harbor paper ought to attract
the attention of many men of the sort
who seek opportunity in a country
much resembling that about Gray's
Harbor itself. There can be no doubt
that much growth Is In store for Flor
ence and very extensive development
of the country round about. The town
has its name, we think, from A. B.
Florence, who was a member of the
State Senate from Lane from 185 8 to
1862. In common with other Coast
points, its chief present need Is rail
road connection with the interior.
The successful flight of Orvllle
Wright, in which he traveled fifty
miles at an average speed of forty
miles per hour, accompanied by a
passenger, was a mucn more Import
ant feat than that of Blerlot, who was
the first to fl across the English
channel. It, of course, lacked the
spectacular effect that was so promi
nent In the feat of the Fren.cn aviator,
but as a demonstration of the adapa-
blllty of the machine to the require
ments of man, it was far superior to
anvthing that has yet been accom
plished. Aerial navigation has come
to the front so rapidly in the past
year that It is difficult to estimate the
possibilities of the future. The prin
ciple of flying with a heavier-than-alr
machine has been discovered and
already developed to a certain extent.
From this time forward, the work of
the aviators will- consist almost ex
clusively in perfecting the machines
with which success has been achieved.
TV Orpeonlan cannot think that
Judge Lowell was quite correct In his
judgment that it is necessary to decline
in the name of our higher institutions
e loarninc such offers of endowment
as might come from the Carnegie
Foundation or irom Hocneieiicr s eu.
ucational plans for it does not seem
nrnhohio that nnv college or university
under direction of independent men,
would regard Itself as hampered in its
teaching by gifts rrom sucn sources.
Much as we may question the methods
bv which many of the enormous for
tunes of modern times have been
mineri it must be admitted that the
money lawfully Is the property of its
possessors and that good use may oo
made of money even, badly acquired.
Mnniv i-.. merelv an insensate thing.
All depends on the spirit and purpose
and ends for wnicn it is usea. .
At The Dalles a fellow is being de
tained because it Is thought he may
have killed Steunenberg. Astounding
assumption! Didn't that Idaho jury by
its verdict acquitting Haywood conclu-
ilvely declare that nobody Kinea oieu-
nenberg? He was merely blown up
v.- Jvn.mita in front of his own home.
But nobody assassinated him, of
course. All the evidences or calcu
lated murder were mere accidents.
Harry Thaw says he is "medically
sane" but "legally insane. ( iiian
Mtivinnini- distinction. It . ex-
niflina how Thaw Droved himself in
sane in order to escape the gallows
and is now striving to prove himself
sane to get out of prison. If you don't
see what you want In our wonderful
ystem of Jurisprudence, invent it
ourself.
Mr. Rosenthal appears to have some
difficulty in getting his great "better
citizenship" movement under run sail.
Some of our "better citizens, ior ex
ample, object to the unauthorized use
of their names by him. ut your true
reformer is never dismayed by a tri
fling obstacle like that.
Tf Hill Is really behind the push of
Porter Brothers In Deschutes canyon,
it would seem to show tnat ne remem
bers Harriman's obstruction of the
North Bank road, and moreover that
he is not a man to forget a Kindness.
Senator Stone assaulted a colored
Miin and was shortly thereafter
viewing the scenery from the front
seat of a patrol wagon. oometimes
Senator Stone has his. doubts about
this being a tree country.
Union Pacific passed the 200 mark
the New York stock market yes
in
terday and daily bulletins are no
longer coming from Mr. Harriman's
bedside.
However. King Alfonso is used to
domestic trouble. Three young princes
and princesses were born tq tne Al
fonso household in two years.
There Is nothing left for England
but to build an armored roof over the
island.
DR. ELIOT SEES A XEW RELIGION
It will Not Be Baaed on Authority,
Either Spiritual or Temporal
Boston Special to Chicago Tribune.
President Emeritus Charles W. Eliot
of Harvard university. In the course of
an address before the Summer School of
Theology, on "The New Religion," dis
cussed what might be expected as the
coming religion. His address was
much in the nature of a prophecy. He
said:
. "The progress of the Twentieth cen
tury will bring about what I call the
new religion. The new religion will
not be based upon authority, either
spiritual or temporal; the present gen
eration is ready to be led, but not
driven. .
"As a rule the older Christian
churches have relied on authority, but
there Is now a tendency toward liberty
and progress, and among educated men
this feeling is irresistible.
"In the new religion there will be no
personification of natural objects;
there will be no deification of remark
able human beings and the faith will
not be racial or tribal.
In war times the tribal faith comes
out strongly. The new religion will
not afford safety primarily to the indi
vidual; it will admit neither a sudden
conversion In this world nor a sudden
paradise in the next.
"The new religion will not think of
God as a long glorified man or a king
or a - patriarch. It will believe In no
malignant powers and It will attack
quickly all forms of evil.
"Now, let us consider the positive
elements of this coming religion. A
new thought of God will be Its charac
teristic; the twentieth century religion
accepts literally St. Paul's statement:
'In Him we live and move and have
our being." This new religion will be
thoroughly monotheistic. God will be
so imminent that no Intermediary will
be needed. For every man God will
e a multiplication of Infinities.
"This religion rejects the idea that
man is an alien or a fallen being who
Is hopelessly wicked. It finds such be
liefs inconsistent with a worthy idea
f God.
"It will admit no sacraments, except
natural, hallowed customs and It will
deal with natural interpretation of such
rites. The new religion will not at
tempt to reconcile people to present Ills
by the promise of future compensation.
"I believe the advent of just freedom
for mankind has been delayed for cen
turies by such promises. The new re
ligion will not even Imagine the 'Jus
tice of God.' Civilized nations realize
that legal punishments now frequently
fail of their purpose, and the new re
ligion cannot pretend to understand
Gods Justice, for there is no earthly
conception as a comparison.
"The new religion will laud God's
love and will not teach condemnation
for the mass of mankind. Based on
the two great commandments of loving
God and one's neighbor, the new re
ligion will teach that he is best who
loves best and serves best, and the
greatest service will be to increase the
stock of good will."
CRITICISM ' OF R. R. COMMISSION.
Its Refusal to Order a Sidetrack at
Ryan Station.
PORTLAND, Or., July 28. (To the Edi
tor.) I see by special report from Salem
that the Oregon Railroad Commission yes
terday, in defiance of section 67 of the
law under which they operate, which says
"it shall be Its duty to enforce the provi
sions of this act." have nevertheless
evaded it by permitting the Oregon Elec
tric Railroad Company to continue in
malversation of the same law, which. In
section 22, says: "All railways shall keep
and maintain . . . switches, spurs and
sidetracks for receiving, handling and de
livery of freight transported or to be
transported by such railroads."
The Railroad Commission Is also
charged that "the provisions of this act
shall be liberally construed with a view
to public welfare," which they Ignore on
the ex parte statement of the railroad
company that, because on one side of a
station there Is a switch a half mile
away, and on the other, one a mile off.
falling to state, however, that which they
are well aware of that the roads from
Ryan Station are two and a half miles
long In a roundabout way to either Mult
nomah or Fulton Park sidetracks. You
comment this morning on the Scriptural
text, "The . ox knoweth its owner, and
the ass its master's crib." and I hope no
one will connect with the hand-in-glove
people I am writing about. But the peo
ple of Oregon will soon know more about
this unholy and unlawful alliance.
C. P. CHURCH.
Xew Game of Diabolo Type.
Paris Correspondence London Express.
A new game of the diabolo type is
springing into favor In Paris, and as
the English patents have been taken
out '"la funda" will no doubt be seen
before long In London. La funda Is a
new form of sling, as Its name shows.
A little bag on a wooden framework
Is fixed on a swivel Into a sort of ten
nis racket, without strings or top. The
bottom of the bag is open, and the two
strong India rubber bands prevent the
ball a tennis ball from falling
through. The game Is to sling the
ball', from one player to another or up
Into the air, to be caught by the same
player at will. It needs " a certain
amount of skill, and Is certainly less
dangerous and Just as healthful as
diabolo. The Inventor is a young Ger-
man named Seeger, who, in a demon
stration which he gave, threw a tennis
ball higher than the chimneys of a
seven-storied house and caught it
again without apparent effort.
With the President.
Henry Watterson in Louisville Courier-
Journal.
Of the President's integrity we may
be sure; and of his wisdom within the
limitation of party environment and
political opportunity, both pressing and
exceptional we can take account only
of the future; good and ill fortune ever
playing at hide-and-seek with the
ablest men and the best intentions.
On the whole, our sympathies are
with the President, and we wish him
well through with it. The thieves have
gotten away with most of the furniture
and the plate. If he can save the roof
and the cooking stove, we snail be
thankful. He is right as far as he has
gone. Of one finality only do we feel
assured, and that is that even as slav
ery went, protectionism will go; pray
God the peace of the country go not
with It as it went with slavery.
Merchandising; In Sassafras.
"I once spent August in a village
called the Head of Sassafras, a village
down In Maryland. The post there was a
general store," said Mrs. Maude Hoff
man. "The morning after my arrival I
went to the general store for my mail.
A little girl preceded me with an egg
In her hand.
' 'Gimme an egg s worth of tea.
Dlease.' I heard her say to tne post.-
master-storekeeper; 'and ma says you
might weigh out an egg s worth of
sugar, too, tor tne oiacx nen s
cluckin, and in De up again in a
minute.'"
Buttered Pretty Well.
New York American.
Butter to be made of petroleum?
Well, petroleum has buttered John D.'s
bread pretty well.
Think of What It Omits.
Thornton (Ind.) Times.
Don't get mad at what a newspaper
says about you. Be'thanJtf ul ior what
It doesn't boj
APE AMAZES . HUMAN RELATIVES
"Consul the Great" Undresses, Ap
plauds, Goes to Bed, Almost Talks.
New York World.
That illustrious near-actor and more-man-than-monkey.
Consul the Great,
made his debut in the American Music
Hall before an admiring crowd, which,
before his specialty at S200 per half
hour was ended, would not have been in
the least surprised If he had stepped
to the front of the stage and read the
Declaration of Independence.
The stage was set to represent - a
room in a hotel, and Consul, haber
dashed and tailored in the latest Pica
dilly style, strolled in nonchalantly. He
was by long odds the best dressed man
in the house, from his carefully tied
cravat down to .his patent leather
shoes. In appearance and manner he
resembled a misshapen mortal .much
more than a beast.
Consul the Great unlocked his front
door, removed his overcoat and flung
himself In an armchair. Then he
reached Into his waistcoat pocket, pro
duced a cigarette and lighted it with
a match which he scratched and then
blew out with nice obedience to the
fire laws.
Having smoked, the monkey unbut
toned his clothes, pulled them off and
prepared for bed. When a blundering
chambermaid walked Into his bachelor
apartment his outraged modesty
prompted him to shy his shoes and col
lar at her.
Soon Consul the Great's luxurious
living gave way to an athletic per
formance. He was put Into a more
loosely-fitting suit and mounted a bicy
cle man-fashion. Then he pedalled un
aided around the stage in amazing evo
lutions. He rode up and down flights
of steps and In and out among bottles
with more than human precision and
finally disappeared amid great ap
plause. That was not all. It remained for
Consul the Great to mar his perfect
record. When he came back he was
dressed as a laborer and wheeled a
truck on which was an ordinary-sized
trunk. The simian marvel dumped It in
the center of the stage, produced a key,
unlocked the padlock, lifted the lid and
drew forth a much-frightened pig.
It was part of Consul's act to sit In
a chair with the pig in his arms and
feed it from a nursing bottle. But the
pig wriggled away and In a twinkling
the monkey was after it pell mell. Con
sul was mucrt hampered by his heavy
shoes and for a few moments the plg
had the advantage of the chase, but
the monkey finally cornered it and
showed his rage by beating it and bit
ing Its tall. Then his mood changed
and he tenderly wrapped his squealing
victim in his hairy arms and admin
istered the bottle.
At the close of the performance Con
sul the Greac strutted before the cur
tain and bowed. "He liked the applause
so well that when It began to die away
he applauded himself.
CAUGHT A SNAKE WITH A HOOK.
Ingenious Device of an Oregon Boy to
Capture a Fearsome Reptile.
Harney County News.
One day last week Mrs. I. S. Geer,
in . passing around their house on the
farm southwest of town came very
near stepping on a huge rattlesnake
that had come out from under the
house to get a drink and was returning
to his chosen lair, where he was an
unwelcome visitor. Mrs. Geer was
scared and called her two sons and the
hired man, and the latter, armed with
a hoe, nailed Mr. Rattler on the tail
with the blade of the garden tool, but
Instead of pulling his snakeshlp back
he succeeded only In getting the tall,
rattles and all. .
And now the dilemma was worse
than ever. Relieved of his alarm clock,
the snake under the house was more
unwelcome and dangerous than before.
How to get him out from there was
the question, but the first thing done
was to seal him up and take time to
concoct a scheme, so tne house was
tightly banked at the only opening
under it."' Later a boy's wits met the
situation, for it's a cold day when a
snake or any other serpent can get the
best of a live Oregon boy.
Henry, the young son of Mr. and Mrs.
Geer. took a box, covered the top of It
with wire netting and cut a hole In the
bottom. Inside he placed a chunk of
beef fastened on a stout hook tied se
curely to the box. Then he made a
hole in the banking under the house,
placing the "holey" side of the box
tight up. against it and bided his. time.
For nearly two days his vigil around
the box was unrewarded and then, as
he had about lost faith in his plan he
heard a noise in his "fishing trap" and
there was the de-tailed rattler with, the
beef and hook stowed Inside of his
jaws, safely landed and unable to help
himself. Henrv . quickly dispatched
his "fish" with a rifle and found it
measured 3 feet long, being as large
around as a man's wrist. The family
has slept with less nervousness since.
attaint Injunction In Engl lull man's Will.
London Evening Standard.
The quaint testamentary injunction
of an eighteenth century gardener and
botanist was recently observed for the
108th successive year at Shoreditch
parish church, when what is known as
the "vegetable lecture" was preached
by the vicar, Rev. E. R. Ford. In 1729
Thomas Fairehlld died at the age of
63 years, and bequeathed 25 to the
church wardens of Shoreditch, stipu
lating that the interest should be paid
each Whit Tuesday for the delivery by
a selected preacher of an addres on
"the wonderful works of God in crea
tion, or the certainty of the resurrec
tion of the dead by certain changes of
the animal and vegetable forms of the
creation." Fairehlld had extensive, gar
dens iji the days when the Hoxton
hamlet" was noted for its productions.
and he Introduced many varieties of
foreign fruits and flowers. In the
borougR council's small public garden
in Hackney road, close to the church.
there is a tombstone recording tne in
junction as to the lecture.
. .
Where the Trouble Lies.
Chicago Record-Herald.
"Don't take it so hard," said the sym
pathizing friend; "remember that
though your daughter is married, you
have not lost her."
"I know," sobbed the bride's mother.
"That's the trouble. Julia and her hus
band have already picked out the best
room in the house for theirs." ,
Information for Rollo. .
.Washington Star.
"Father," said little Rollo," what is
appendicitis?"
"My son," answered the cynical par
ent, " appendicitis is something that en
ables a good doctor to open up a man's
anatomy and remove his entire bank
account."
Credibility.
Xew York Sun.
You may tell an eager public
There Is no such thing as death.
That 'tis only mental error
That can ever stop their breath
They'll believe you.
You may tell the hard-worked toilers
That you have a little scheme '
That will multiply their money
Flftyfold In one night's dream
They'll believe you.
You may tell the learned savants
That the problems you essayed
And have found the way that motion
May perpetual be made .
They'll believe you.
t
But if you tell any party
That a five-pound fish you hooked
They will rise up as one person
And in tones that can't be booked
Call you liar.
Life's Sunny Side
Excitement with a capital E broke loose
at the Riverside bathing beach about 6
o'clock Sunday evening, when a woman
rushed wildly into the office and declared
that her husband had been drowned af
ter diving off the high tower.
"Are you quite sure?" asked Manager
Bowser.
"Sure? Of course I'm sure! Do you
think I'm a fool?" she screamed. "He
dived off of that thing at 3 o'clock and
that was the last I saw of him. Haven't
seen him since, and I know he's In
there."
Bowser and his life guards were prepar
ing to make a search in order to Batisfy
her when she stepped over to the tele
phone. "Oh. I must call up home and tell them
what has happened. The children must
come." she said, twitching her hands as
if regretting to touch the phone to convey
such a sad message. Finally she reached
for the receiver and called for a number.
"Hello." she said, sadly. "Hello, chil
dren, this is mamma. Chil why, is that
you? Huh? Speak again. Why, how
did you get home? I'm still here. I'm
still here and they're going to hunt for
you in the water. New this Is a nice
mess and " .
She turned to Bowser and, in sheepish
tone, murmured:
"He's home." Indianapolis News.
When Delegate Mark Smith, of Arizona,
was a boy lie lived on a big plantation In
Kentucky. It was In slave days and one
of his father's slaves was Uncle Ike, who
was the preacher for the place.
Smith's father had built a small church
on a comer of the plantation and Uncle
Ike held forth there every Sunday. This
was pleasing to Ike, because it not only
gave him a chance to exhort the ne
groes, but it absolved him from any of
the chores on Sunday.
One Sunday Mark went out by the barn
and found Uncie Ike sitting disconsolately
under a tree.
"'Look here, Ike,' said Mark, "why
ain't you down there preaching today?"
"Well. Mars Mark," Ike replied. "I
ain't goin' to preach to dem nlggahs no
more. They're always fightin' 'mongst
themselves an' I'm sick an' tired an' done
quit preachln'."
"Stop your lying, Ike," said Mark."You
wouldn't quit such a soft snap as that.
What's the matter?"
"Well. Mars Mark," Ike replied, "ef
you mus know, dem triflin' niggahs done
sent me my resignashun." Saturday
UEvening Post.
Senator La Follette. while criticising a
trust: "Its dignity under abuse and at
tack is. somehow, funny. It reminds me
of a little Sioux City girl. One morning
she hung about the kitchen continually,
bothering the busy cook to the limit.
"The cook lost patience finally.
" 'Clear out o' here, ye- sassy little
brat!' she shouted, thumping the table
with a rolling pin.
"The little girl gave the cook a haughty
look.
" 'I never allow any one but my mother
to speak to me like that,,' she said."
Washington Star.
A certain railroad coaldealer of Pitts
burg Is, in a good old phrase, as tight
as wax, but has a passion to be con
sidered a "spender" and good liver,
never neglecting an opportunity to re
fer to his "wine cellar," etc. A short
while ago he snared a well-known
clubman and had him at his house
for dinner. A bottle of sherry was
produced with considerable ostenta
tion and the glasses were filled. The
host held his to the light, then drank,
and smacked his lips.
"What do you think of that, hey?"
he suggested.
"Why, er, very good." the guest com
mented, setting his glass upon the ta- '
ble. "But I say, old man," he' added
In a confidential tone, "I know a place
where you can get wine even cheaper
than this." Brooklyn Life.
.
An eminent lawyer was once cross
examining a very clever woman, moth
er of the plaintiff in a breach of prom
ise action, and was completely worsted
in the encounter of wits. Afthe close,
however, he turned to the jury and ex
claimed: "You saw, gentlemen, that
even I was but a child in her hands.
What must my client have b,een?" By
this adroit stroke of advocacy he
turned his failure into success. Lon
don Mall. ' .
"What are you givin' for eggs today?"
"Sixteen cents."
"That all?"
"That's the reg'lar market price."
"Mis Jackman got 18 cents for hers
over at Lem' Thompson's store yisti
day." "Mebbe Lem had a special order for
'em." '
"You couldn't make it 17?"
"I might If you took It out in trade."
"What would you say to half, trade f
and half cash?"
"Well, I couldn't go above 16 H cents
then. Eggs is mighty plenty now. It's
the layln' season."
"Still, they say eggs is skurce in the
city at thutty cents a dozen."
"Yes, an' see what it costs to git 'em
there."
"You say you'll make it 17 cents if
I take It all out in trader'
"I will, but I'll be losing money
on It." '
"Oh, git out! You ain t'ln the phil
anthropy bizness like Carnegy an'
Rockyfeller, an' Mis' Saee. You'll
make enough out o' them eggs at 17
cents. What you selling sugar for?"
"Six cents a pound."
"They're only asking 5 for it over
at Mud River."
"They don't have to freight it as fur
as I do. I'd be losin' money to sell .
it at 6."
"How much is right good cheese?
"Sixteen a pound."""
"I didn't pay but 15 for some I got
here a few weeks ago."
"Cheese has went up since then
like everything else. It seems like
ev'rything's riz of late."
"You bet they has. You going to al
low me 17 cents a dozer, for them
eggs?"
. "Yes In trade."
"Wal, I got an even dozen. Put me
up two pounds o' sugar an' give me the
rest in your best cheese. My man want
ed me to git half a pound of prunes,
but it's mighty little us farmer folks
kin. spend for lux'rles. We have to pay
too much to keep Taft an' his minions
in lux'rles. I rekon they kin have
prunes an' pie ev'ry meal. Lemme sam
ple that cheese 'fore you cut mine off.
I'm some fussy about my cheese."
Puck.
Mark Twain on the Use of Books.
Louisville Times.
A young girl once asked Mark Twain
If he liked books for Christmas gifts?
"Well, that depends," drawled the great
humorist. "If a book has a leather cover
it is really valuable as a razor strop. If
it is a brief, concise work, such as the
French write, it is useful to put under
the short leg of a wobbly table. An old
fashioned book with a clasp can't be beat
as a missile to hurl at a dog: and a large
book, like a geography, is as good as a
piece of tin to nail over a broken pane
of glass."
run With Dr. Osier.
New York Evening Post;
Dr. Osier's jest still recoils upon him.
At Oxford, on occasion of his 61st
birthday, an undergraduate poem ran:
Brothers, I am sixty-one.
And my work on earth is done;
Peace should follow after storm.
Beach me down the chloroform!