Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937, March 03, 1909, Page 8, Image 8

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

    B&$fxnx?m
POBTLASD, OBEOOX.
Entered m Portland. Oreson. Postofnee u
econu-Class Matter.
Subscription BatesInvariably la Advance,
(By Mall.)
Dally, Sunday Included, one year. .... .$8.06
pally. Sunday Included, six month!.... 4. II
JJaily. Sunday Included, three months. ..1.25
lially. Sunday Included, one montn. ... .75
pally, without Sunday, one year (.04
pally, without Sunday, six month..... 1.25
Ially, without Sunday, three months.. 1.76
Pally, without Sunday, one mouth..... .60
Weekly, one year 1.S0
Sunday, one year ........ .... . a. 60
Sunday and Weekly, one year .60
(By Carrier.)
pally. Sunday Included, one year...... t.00
Ea!ly. Sunday Included, one montn.. .7
How to Remit Send potofQce money
ut' . wpreu oroer or personal cnecK on
0ur local bank. Stamni. coin or currency
re at th-e sender risk. Give postoffice ad-
in tun. including county and state.
Poktag-e Rates 10 to 14 Dagea. 1 cent: 1C
to 28 pages. 2 cents; 3D to 44 pages, s cents;
46 to 60 pages. 4 cents. Foreign postage
double rates.
Eastern Business Office The S. C. Reck
w. Special Agency New York, rooms 48
to Tribune building. Chicago, rooms 610-613
Tribune building.
PORTLAND. WEDNESDAY. MAR. 8. 1909.
THE SPOKANE RATE CASE.
The Interstate Commerce Commis
sion decision In the celebrated Spo
kane rate case is susceptible of varied
Interpretation. Naturally a case that
has renuired 1wpti1v-h1y mnnth n f i o
liberation and review must be regard
ed as a problem not easily understood
even by the rate experts who will be
called on to work out the intricacies
of the adjustment that the .Commis
sion has declared necessary.
The first point involved in the de
cision seems to cover the contention
of the Pacific Coast Jobbers quite ef
fectually. It has always been gener
ally understood that rates from some
Eastern points were higher to Spokane
than to Pacific Coast points. This
condition was created solely by water
competition, a factor over which the
Interstate Commerce Commission has
never assumed any jurisdiction what
ever. The limitations of the power of the
Commission are plainly acknowledged
In the decision that "the rates to Spo
kane although higher than to Seattle,
are not unlawful." This admission of
the rate-fixing supremacy of the water
carriers, of course, enables the rail
roads, if they so desire, to meet any
rate which may be ordered for Spo
kane with a corresponding rate at
Portland and other Coast terminals.
The basic principle of the entire con
tention has not been disturbed or ques
tioned by the decision. This fact is
significantly set out in the statement
that "rates east of Chicago are not
dealt with." These rates from Chi
cago and intervening territory between
that point and the Atlantic seaboard
are so completely under the domina
tion of water transportation that to in
terfere with them would virtually pro
hibit the railroads from hauling over
land to Coast ports any freight orig
inating in that territory. This the In
terstate Commerce Commission had no
Intention of doing, and the rates were
let severely alone.
On the second point, In which the
petitioners contended that rates to
Spokane were "inherently unreason
able," the Commission, while appar
ently deciding in favor of Spokane,
may have actually succeeded in pass
ing the question' back to the railroads
themselves. It will be remembered'
by all who followed the proceedings
at the original hearing of this cele
brated case held in Spokane, two years
ago, that the heavy jobbers of the in
land city were conspicuous for their
absence, and that the case was being
pressed by small dealers who were ap
parently unfamiliar with existing con
ditions. The reason ror this lack of
Interest of the large Jobbers was the
fact that the railroads had already
voluntarily, by the establishment of
special commodity rates, carved out a
jobbing zone in which Spokane could
undersell Coast Jobbers.
These commodity rates were In
many cases more than 16 2-3 per cent
less than the class rates. The Spokane
Jobbers were, therefore content to let
well enough alone and enjoy an ad
vantage which Coast Jobbers have al
ways been reluctant to admit rightful
ly belonged to them. The Commis
sion has now ordered a 16 2-3 per
cent reduction in class rates between
St. Paul and Spokane, and the same
reduction between Chicago and Spo
kane. It is now up to the railroads to
determine whether they will continue
the old commodity rates or advance
them to the new rate which they
would be permitted to charge under
the 16 2-3 per cent reduction in class
rates. When the Spokane Jobber dis
covers that a 16 2-3 per cent reduction
on class rates still leaves those rates
materially higher than the commodity
rates, he will be inclined to ponder on
the question of how long the railroads
will maintain the commodity rates be
fore advancing them to the new class
rate schedule.
The effect of the decision on Port
land and other Coast jobbing points
will depend very much on the action
taken by the railroads. If they are
inclined to keep commodity rates
down to the present level and in addi
tion make the general reduction or
dered on all class rates, they will un
doubtedly Increase Spokane's distribu
tive trade in lines not now covered by
a commodity rate. If, on the other
hand, they stand on their water com
petition contention, they will be
obliged to make a class rate to Port
land as low as, or lower than, the rate
to bpokane.
The decision. If it should result in
Spokane securing this liberal reduction
In class rates without the Pacific Coast
ports being correspondingly favored,
will work a great hardship on fac
tories and freight-originating points
west of. Chicago and St. Paul. From
these points it would be impossible
to ship into Portland by rail; and com
petitors located nearer the Atlantic
seaboard would enjoy a monopoly of
the Pacific Coast trade which could
be reached by water transportation.
The decision seems to leave the rail
roads with so much latitude for Jug
gling with the commodity rates and
Tor meeting water competition that it
can hardly be regarded as other than a
kind of a "straddle." The circum
stances in connection with the case
were so peculiar, however, that it is
doubtful whether anything more satis
factory would have been evolved had
another twenty-six months been spent
in deliberation. The news reports are
correct in stating that the decision is
far-reaching in its effect, but there is
still much room for speculation as to
what will be caught in that "reach,"
"Wheat King Patten seems to be
transferring his affections from May
wheat to the July option. The latter
broke all records for the season toy
ouaring Up to l.os yesterday, while
May fell short half a cent of reach
ing the J 1.1 9 record established last
week. The predicted weakening In
the situation has apparently been in
definitely postponed, and if the run
away market is not soon headed, it
will be in order for the American So
ciety of Equity to issue a new mani
festo declaring the price of the cereal
to be 1.S0 per bushel.
A PREDICTED FAMINE.
In the course of some more or less
convincing remarks about our future
food supply, the New York Times
makes the curious statement that
"the food supply of the future will
be in exact economic relation' to its
cost." This sounds plausible. It
smacks strongly of science, but it
takes no account of what economists
call the law of diminishing returns.
According to this law, the supply of
food in the long run will not be in
proportion to its cost, but there will
cdme a time when each new unit of
supply will have to be procured at an
enormous excess of cost. There is a
great deal of land in the world which
has never yet been cropped and the
fertility of the acres now under the
plow can be greatly increased, but for
all that, neither the quantity of avail
able land nor- its fertility admits of
indefinite increase. Ultimately we
shall reach a point where the wheat
crop can not be doubled by doubling
our Investment in it-.- To double the
crop the investment must be trebled.
Later still to get more wheat the In
vestment must exceed the expected re
turns many fold.
This is what Mr. J. .T win moon.
when he says that we are approach
ing a wheat famine In bo t-i. j
States. In his opinion the danger Is
serious, and will be upon us before
many years have elapsed. The Times
makes little of it by saying that high
prices. fo food will mean prosperity
to the food producers, and nothing
more, but the difficulty cannot be
laid so easily. High prices for food
means starvation to those who cannot
get the money to pay them. What we
are threatened with, according to Mr.
Hill, is an actual failure of our food
supply. This has never brought per
manent prosperity to any class in
any country. The high prices which
wheat would command in case -the
supply fell short of the demand for a
series of years would not be of any
advantage to the farmers. On the
contrary, they would be ruined. The
reason is that other prices would rise
out of all proportion to the price of
tuu wnat tne farmer seemed to
gain on one hand he would lose on
the other. We must also remember
that whatever temporary profit ac
crued from the rlo n ..!
. ... ' 'auca me
middlemen would probably take and
the farmer would never see it His
gain comes from the steady demand
f"ces at a stable level, not from
fluctuations.
LUCKY BALDWIN.
The death of
J JUunni, L 1 1 13
noted turfman, at t
. "i. jcaia.
moves one to Innniro mhot v.
-- ""l aui-ii x. me
as his is worth. It has been lono-
enough, certainly, though he would
have been willing to live longer. Few
men retain enough vitality and intel-
'scuce at ai to care much whether
they survive or net-tav. k -dij ,
' l' i l oaiuwin
seems to have been as capable of en-
j...k tne worm a short time before
unless struck him as he ever
was. A career which did so little to
Impair his vitality o.,i.i . ,
uui nave
been wholly evil, but that it was evil
lp some particulars even the most
liberal charltv rannni ir.
- j ac
quired his nickname of "Lucky" from
" lonune wmch almost uni
formly followed bin faro Hi!.,..
tures. Whether be v.. , "
v 1 1 a. nurse
race or staked bi. mnn .
-- """"-j tit ru or
risked it in a mine, it was all the same,
the result turned out to be in his
favor. If we lived in onin .1
- ----- ... .viciil Limes,
superstition would long ago have
witn a sort of sacred
ness. as It did the r t. . .
. u 1 1 ; 1 , ana
no doubt before long there would be
"".oiupers at nis tomb who would
pray the fickle goddess to reveal to
them the secret of his luck.
There is no use in trvin .
j"o w 1.U11V111CS
mankind that "luck" is a figment of
... ...msuianon. To most people noth
ing is more real and nov.;n .
f icucivta
a more trusting worship. Shakes-
f"" laugni me gospel of luck when
he wrote of the tide in the affairs of
men which, taken at the fiooi leads
on to fortune. Most meo ,..1 ,
not succeeded in life explain It by
saying that at such and such a time
they missed their luck. Senator In
galls. of Kansas, proclaimed the same
1.. 1113 lamous sonnet on Oppor
tunity. Which njo,-, .v.- . .
j 1 . tumiortiess
doctrine that, once the lucky moment
n or no use to hope for
its return. Of course, all this faith
in luck minimize the importance of
prolonged effort and simon
ingr for an Ideal. It effectually denies
I.. rr L lne WU1 and makes us
all subject to a blind fate. But many
people prefer to be subject to blind
rate. Thev lovo tn tob- ut
wnere the Drosnets rr o-i j
are about equally balanced. If the
nice are loaded on the side of ill they
are willing to take chances all the
same. To many it would be exceed
ingly painful to irivn .. n n 1 . .
- - i' au uue mat
fortune has yet in store for them some-
""..s ir more DeauUful than life has
yet revealed. -
Baldwin was a fnvnrii. .
, , . . a. - 1 - 1.1.11 1 Line
all his life through. There is no evi
dence in his carper of hs i
1 ... - IJiclllulIlg
and plodding which brings success to
most men who succeed at all. He saw
It raining gold and set out his pots
and pans. That was all there was of
It. He is like a character in a fairy
story with a powerful godmother at
his elbow to make everything turn
out well. He did not,. even trouble
himself to observe the conventional
rules of morality.. His children were
a great deal more numerous than
they would have been if legal formal
ities had been of much weight with
him. In the dwelling on his baronial
estate he kept up a collection of wo
men which resembled an oriental ser
aglio, and now that he is dead, there
will be a struggle over hi3 great estate
among the children legitimate and il
legitimate and wives married and un
married which will bring joy to the
lawyers and sadness to his rightful
heirs. If we ask what is proved by
such a career, the answer is not so
easy as might be supposed. It cer
tainly does not prove that It ia neces
sary to be good in order to be success
ful, healthy and happy. Between vir
tue in the ordinary sense and length
of years and attainment f fortune
there seems, so far as his experience
goes, to be no connection whatever.
So long as a man does not injure his
mind or body by -his eins, he stands
THE JIOIgXIXG
in no great danger of being punished
ir tnemon earth. What will hap
pen in the next world Is another ques
tion. No doubt the apparent fact that
earth maintains no relation between
virtue and its reward or vice and its
punishment led mankind to infer that
there is another world where the bal
ance would swing even, again to
quote Shakespeare, who Is a great
authority on fortune and her fickle
wheel.
Wicked as Baldwin was, in the con
ventional sense, his life was long and
apparently happy. Does this hold out
hope to other men that they can imi
tate his career and attain
results? To find a satisfactory reply
to this question -we must consult the
great oracle, experience, which would
give us the solution of almost every
conundrum if we took the trouble to
ask for it. Experience scarcely bears
out to the full the statement that
there is ho connection hetupon vi.t,,.
and happiness. Baldwin's case does
not prove that there is a connection to
be sure, but It is far from proving that
there Is not. One swallow does not
make a Spring, nor does one unin
terrupted career of sheer good luck
in the face of moralltv diunrnvn tv. n
validity of the ten commandments.
i.iuusn we an cling to a belief In
luck, nevertheless, we hav mnrio i,n
our minds as a race that In affairs of
importance luck is not to be de
pended upon. We h aVk nlfl. r n
eluded, from the events of many mil
lion years, taken as a whole, that
virtue pays in this world, and vice does
not, no matter what exceptions to the
ruie may present themselves from
time to time. Baldwin certainly was
an exception, but it would be insan
ity for any other man to expect to be
come another exception. The chances
against him are almost Infinite. Luck
is not a bad thing to talk about and
curse when evil befalls one, but as
a sieaay dependence hard work and
sturdy perseverance are a great deal
nore reuaoie
TRUTH ABOUT APPROPRIATIONS!
Grabbers of appropriations from the
Legislature of Oreeon. tmrpthcr -m-ov.
their associates, are fond of saying
L"il lne total or appropriations, at
the latest session, did not much ex
ceed that of the Legislature of two
.vcara ugo. inis is wrong. The excess
over the 1907 total is Jl, 100,000. The
sum of the 1909 appropriations is
m-iii.y ,ou,uuu, while that of two
years ago. according to the Secretary
of State's report, was $3,083,805.71.
This year's appropriations- include
$350,000 for Improvements at the
"i,-,'u"' ana otner state Institutions,
which is invalid on account of
a flaw in the act, but which may be
corrected by special session; $200,000
for an Eastern Oregon asylum and not
less than $50,000 for a constitutional
convention, both sums contingent on
referendum in November, 1910; $300,
000 for purchase of Oregon City locks,
contingent on a similar appropriation
by Congress.
All these sums should properly be
charged up to the Legislature. But
grabbers of appropriations and their
associates, for the purpose of de
fending Legislative extravagance, like
to omit them from the list. This
enormous total does not include the
many millions of dollars that tax
payers will be required to pay for
building and operating state railroads,
should the constitutional amendment,
proposed by the Legislature for that
purpose, "pass" the people and launch
the state on that costly policy.
In the effort to minimize their ap
propriations, some of the members
of the Legislature are contending that
they should not be charged with the
"continuing" appropriations which,
until the present Legislature, were
$612,000 biennially. A continuing
appropriation is one that is created
by an act of the Legislature and that
continues until repealed. Thus, the
National Guard has a continuing ap
propriation of $90,000 for two years
and this Is available without any ac
tion on the part of each succeeding
session of the Legislature. Some of
the members of the recent Legislature
say that such an appropriation as
this, enacted at. a preceding session,
should not be considered in comput
ing the total of their appropriations.
But let us see where that would
lead to. If the Legislature of 1907
had provided a continuing appropria
tion of a certain amount per capita
for each of the state institutions and
all the appropriations for salaries of
state officers had been made continu
ing, the Legislature of 1909, under the
method of computation proposed
would deny responsibility for all these
appropriations. As a matter of fact,
each Legislature is responsible for
what it puts upon the statute books
or leaves there. Any method of com
putation which reaches a total differ
ent from the amount the State Treas
urer is authorized to collect and pay
out. is manifestly Inaccurate. The
amount ... revenue necessary for
state purposes shows the amount the
Legislature has authorized to be ex
pended and no amount of Juggling
with figures will deceive the taxpayer
when he goes to the Sheriff's office to
meet his obligations. .
A special session will add further to
the bill of extravagance.
COMMON DRINKING-CCP PERILS.
Medical inspection of the schools
has disclosed the fact that disease
lurks In the drinklng-cup suspended,
for ine use of the i uplls of the pub
lic schools, over the sink in the various
school buildings of the city. In some
instances, it is alleged, this menace
is alarming, owing to the fact that
untidy and perhaps germ-ignorant
Janitors wring the mops with which
the floors are wlnorf in ty.. .1.1
' ... ...o oiuaa 111
close proximity to the cups from which
thirsty school children drink and
drink again.
This is a tale as disgusting In its
suggestion of uncleanness as It Is
alarming in the probability of the dis
semination of germs of filthy diseases.
This practice, wherever it prevails,
should and doubtless will be corrected
promptly. It does not, however, con
vey a menace through the drlnklng
cup In any way comparable In its pos
sibilities of danger to the common
drinklng-cup itself which, by contact
with the lips, noses and hands of sev
eral hundred children every day. is
anything but a 6aferuard to public
health.
It is not clear, however, what can be
done about it. The thirst of school
children is, as Is well known, often a
simulated thirst an expression of
childish restlessness, an excuse to
leave their seats, an opportunity to
jostle and cavort and Jolly each other
during intermissions; in brief, it is
a habit that it would be well to' check
by proper Instruction at home.
Children suffering from fever and
Its attendant thirst are not permitted
OREGOyiAy, WEDNESDAY,
to attend schooL . Whniunm. nn .
ural thirst can be restrained, to some
extent, at least, and children should
be taught to restrain It within proper
limits, rather than Indulge It iqordl-
, nateiy merely because they happen
to be at the schoolhouse.
This aside, however, is it not pos
sible, or Indeed probable, that the
peril that lurks in the drinklng-cup is
exaggerated? Many of us remember
the time (the drinking habit in school
being one of long standing) when the
larger boys were allowed to take turns
in taking the water pall from its bench
Just outside the door, filling It from
the well, and then passing around the
room, giving each nunii Hrinv fvnm
the rusty tincup that was" a part of
the school equipment. How eagerly
eacn youngster seized the cup with
both hands and buried his face in the
contents! And how sincerely envied
was the water-bearer aa h lelcnrpiv
sought the well, filled his bucket and,
slopping the water over his bare feet,
returned to riass the run to v.t os-hi
mates, who were by this time fairly
gasping witn imaginary thirst.
Who thought then of possible con
tagion from tne school drinlclnrnn'
And who, at this day. can recall an
epiaemlc. the possible source of
which was this rusty, tattered com
mon drinklng-cup?
The best that can h rinn
give the children specific instructions
about the use of thn
courage them to restrain the drinking
naoit wnue at school and trust to Bull
iiun water to do the rest.
In taking himself out of the service
by resignation of his office. Dr. Crum
the negro Collector of Customs at
Charleston. S. C, delivers President
Taft of a real trouble. For Tart would
not wish to press Crum's reappoint
ment and add to the anger of the
South over the episode, nor offend the
negro voters of the North bv refu
ing to follow the lead of Roosevelt In
the matter. Crum, by his resignation
snows himself much more of a man
than ho has received credit for in the
south. His position holdlne the of
flee against the protest of his state
and virtually of all the white people of
the South, and pressure for his re
appointment made a fight on the
color line too tense for the good
even of the negro race.
Mr. Rockefeller' fln h,
duced from $29,000,000 to $720,000 as
a maximum, mm this sum there is
a possibility of still further reductions.
As an example of shrinkage, this fine
is mucn similar to the customary
$5000 fine which Is levied ursin.f
ships arrlvnig in port without the
tnupi-r um or neaitn. It is customary
to make a discount of $4995 on these
fines. If Mr. Rockefeller is only pa
tient, he will probably escape with a
net cost of not more than $29.
Lucky Baldwin has more lhnn nnrA
stood in moral nakedness, unashamed,
before the world. A notable instance
of this was when, to a suit brought
by a young woman for betravnl nnrior
promise of marriage, he made answer
that she should have known by his
general reputation that it wax rinmrn,
ous to trust htm. While common sense
inaorsea this Infamous self-estimate of
the man. common decencv i nnnniiaj
at its shameless presentment.
The outcome of thn Rnntism -r
cific land-errant milt nnw hnin i 1
- . -- UlCU
before the Federal Court in this city, is
nwanea witn eager interest and deep
anxiety b v a ntimher of nm-cmn. .......
are contending for settler's rights In
mc premises. Tn company's claim is
an old one and Its rights will be
strongly presented and stubbornly
urged by its attorneys. Final settle
ment of the case Is probably afar off.
"The cost of cltv Imn
would be reduced from 20 tn nn
cent," says Mr. Werelin, "by prompt
payment of contractors." Tf con
tractors do the work with which they
are Intrusted hnnpstlv an ...
dltlously, according to contract, their
pay would De forthcoming without
protest or delay. So there you have it.
Creation of nnMir niuuinn
. ...a . ' OUIHv)
man merely because he wants it and
has rendered valuable political serv
ice is vastly different from appointing
a man to a position solely because of
nis niness ror the work. When po
litical reward is the
fitness does not count. '
If Justice Olsen
when he offers to ilc-n thn .,..,-
- r-t - - ...w 1 . tl.
Schmltt petition for his own recall,
Schmltt should get busy. He can add
nis own name, makinsr a crnn.l total
of two.
In other words. ex-Cham nlnn Tor.
ries will not fight Champion Johnson
(colored) unless he feels rnnflom v,
can whip the aforesaid Johnson. Pru
dence comes with age, even in prize
fighters. One more discovery hu hum -ma.
at Salem of certain surnrUino-
tures in a bill all of which nobody
Knew was tnere. That is to say. no
body except the man who put them
there.
Chicago Irishmen are rla-ht in ob
jecting to symbolic travesties to be
worn fat. Patrick's day. Generally th
wearer has few brains, and that shows
he Is not Irish. No one is decelvedf
The Interstate Commerce decision
seems to have established definitely
the great geographical fact that Spo
kane is about 400 miles from tide
water.
An Ohio preacher, seeking notor
iety, says "the kiss is an intoxicant."
It Is more than that. The right kind
of kiss is delirium.
Anything that the public has "got
to have" comes high. Hence the bids
for the new Madison-street bridge are
expected to soar.
Too bad the Carmack and Calhoun
trials cannot be finished before tho
erotic Baldwin literature fills the press
columns.
A Harrlsburg correspondent for a
Eugene paper, sighs: "Oh, for a
bridge!" He does not spell "oh"
right to get it.
"With the onlv lnekv nmnni4
safely placed, the faithful In the ma
jority party are spurring themselves
into activity.
It would be highly interesting o
know if Lucky Baldwin's
now deserted him.
MARCH 3, 1909.
RETIREMENT OFMR. FAIRBANKS
Rtmlttd by Jtrpnbllraiia mud Demo-
wlthoa K Prtr.
- It has become the fashion to classify
Vice-President Fairbanks among the
bromides," to forget that native can
nlness which enables him to see un
erringly to the very bottom of the
glass of experience, to drain Its dregs
wlrh a smile and to clear away the
rubbish heap of platitudes which en
cumber an Indiana reputation until
cold facts emerge. He may be banal,
but he is not insincere; he may nurse
a. grudge or two. yet is he generous;
he does not hypnotize his public,
neither does he lie to it; he is always
conscious what ne is doing, always
on the side of common seu.se. rarely
sennltlve. never altogether selfish.
Vhat position he will occupy in a
Historical survey of the Roosevelt
regime, this is not the time to consider.
v hether in the reaction from personal
quire a wider recognition .
w.ICiii ne snau not some day ac-
. ---' '-. in
oe determined; nor can one easily de-
.cj, uurmm ana provoklngly
harmless. In the Senate chamber, where
he is best known, he is also best loved.
There are many who believe that Mr.
Fairbanks Is a bore without a griev
ance, the kind of bore who. craving
sympathy, is apt to be left alone with
his hobby. No description could fit
him less. No one better understands
the virtues of reticence, the graco of
discretion, the fitness and timeliness of
a gentlemanly and dignified bearing.
He can be serious without pomposity
grave without an air of stupidity, dis
creet and. decorous and urbane. If
his touch be not light, neither Is his
mind stodgy: though ho can assume an
Olympian placidity, he Is never indif
ferent, and he would rather remain
silent than talk about nothing at all.
It is especially gratifying to note the
spontaneous and hearty regret which
finds expression alike among Demo
crats and Republicans; to witness the
sincerity of a farewell which has
nothing machine-made or perfunctory
about it; to approve the appropriate
recognition of the sturdy probity, the
native urbanity, the rigid, even-handed
Justice of one who was more prone
to be guided by his conception of the
duties of a presiding officer, and to
Interpret them in the Interests of all
than to presume on his place as a party
leader.
ENGLISH HtMOR A.VD SOLEMMTT
Lndlrrona Liw Case Orovrlnjc Out of
Prise Award In "I.liuerlck." Content.
Chicago Record-Herald.
One of the British courts recently
has tried a case in which the rights
and duties arising out of certain ex
amples of solemn British humor have
ueen aeoatea with a most humorous
solemnity. It was a case growing out
of one of those "missing line" limer
ick competitions which were all the
rage in John Bull's land not so very
long ago and which came perilously
near having the earmarks of lotteries
rather than those of literary contests
"Ally Eloper's Half-Holiday" offered
prizes that amounted to hmit tmnn
for the best "last line" to the following
limerick:
Bald a certain yonnir man of Dunblnjie,
kittle Mary" frlves mo quit a paia:
My liver's so qutt-r
I can't drink buttled br
Now among- the 17.621 oomnetltnra
there was a certain young woman.
Oertrude F. I. Jenkins bv name ho
finished this off in this style:
And as physic iflzxl ihii-i 1 . . -1, -
champagne.
After this masterly effort she
s-trlcken down with rlirlitenn. . u
when she found she was so far from
s wie nrst prize winner that she
was not even among those who also
ran. So she straightway brought suit
in the courts.
The testimony was nrentn ..
examined under the direction of seven
lawyers, two of them being kings
counsel. It appeared that the answers
to the limerick puzzle had been divided
Into classes, and that there were about
B0 in the "fizzy" or "phyz". class
among which was nn. ,., iv.
running: Wt""th 10 f Pr'" m0ney-
I a "flEzlcal" weakness, champasne.
Noble efforts at nuns like this o,.o-h
certainly to please John Bull more
than they seem to have pleased the
Judges in this case, or else his taste
for rantankerous puns must be de
clining. For the sad truth is that the
first prise of $500 was divided between
the two following lines, onlv one of
which contained puns which can prop
erly be called rantankerous.
1 ne nrst line was:
Life depends on the llrer. that's plain.
And the other:
And Jamaica It's rum ralss Cain (cane).
It is painful to rppnrd tlint -vt i t
kins lost her case and that she la never
to De properly rewarded .Iti... 1
creative poetical Instinct or for her en
terprise in letting the light of the law
... ujiun wiese ODScure matter!
British humor.
of
Monument to Schuyler Colfax.
Ieslie's Weekly.
One of the ablest and mn.f 1, -
Americans of the pant generation was
cnuyier Colfax of Indiana. 19th vice
president of the United States. Mr Col
fax withdrew from nuhlic lir. .,,!-
cloud, but hosts of people throughout the
country were fully persuaded that he was
rulltless of the charges made against him.
Nowhere did he find more loyal and en
thusiastic friends and supporters than In
his own state, whose people had faith in
him to the last. At his lifelong homo in
South Bend. Ind.. Mr. Colfax wa en-
cially held In honor and affectli-n. and his
memory is cherished there with rever
ence. Owing to a train of circumstances.
no permanent memorial of the late states
man has been erected in that town but
this omission is soon to be remedied. The
ooutn t(cna chamber or commerce, of
which F. A. Miller Is president, recentlv
started a movement to secure an appro
priation by tho Igi.sl.iture for a statue
of Mr. Colfax, to be set up In his homo
city. The project is an entirely worthy
one and deserves the support of the Deo-
ple of Indiana. Such a tribute will be a
fit and gracious recognition of the emi
nent and lasting services rendered by Mr:
Colfax to the Nation.
New Boat to Kill Off Submarine.
Chalon-sur-Saone (France) Cor. New
York Sun.
The Petit Creusot Works launched re
cently a submarine engine of destruction
Invented by Gustave Gabet. It Is a radio
automatic torpedo controlled by Hertzian
waves and Is capable of carrying explo
sive charges varying from 300 to 900 klloi
meters. Such charges striking the strong
est armor-clad warships would sink them
in a few seconds. The experiments with
the torpedo were wholly successful.
The One Consolation.
Albany Democrat.
The State Legislature this week fin
ished its session, with a bad smell. It
started out in fine mettle by electing
Governor Chamberlain .United States
Senator. ... Died. Saturday, Febru
ary 30, after a miserable existence, un
iamented, unmourned. but not to be for
gotten by men having pockctbooks.
AVhat. Indeed r
Baker City Herald.
What did Chamberlain ever do in a
business way that has shown business
ability? Is he a capable advisor on
railroad building?
line that characteristic charm which I 'r"ran ming ror a man who hasn't
he 1. known to exert among those I h"Tn',';'.,
over whom he -was called to preside. Mr v-t 1 , e Bood Pnse?" asked
But. though he meet with Uttle re- ''we'l If h- , a ' ..
sponse on the outside, though he chal- i,t i, . . no "rns, h
lenge neither resentment no- ,L,VIV.. T"1 h?vo como f,,r license. Ho has
though he appear to casual ohserver. rrom Sweden nine years and
J XOCXG LATHES WILL XOT WED
'
County Clerk Obltped to . Onnccl
1
Tiro Licenses.
"I want you to marry me, and if you
oon't I'll hare a policeman come to th
hmiee and compel you to." said August
Olson to Emella Johnson, according to
her story, whlr-h she blushlngly told to
bounty Clerk Fields yesterday. She said
Olson procured a license from the County
Clerk Auirust 8. 190R. without setting her
B0ns?nt to the wedding. He came from
bweden nine years aso. she says, and Is
employed at the Inman-Poulsen milt. She
came to this country a vear ago. and
Vr?. . at ,he Imperial Hotel.
"No man can make me marry when I
don t want to." she said to Mr. ShlelJa
Vesterrlnv H-v.. v. . , , . V
no isuia ne wouia pet
the policeman, the people at the place
where 1 work said that ir he did they
would
make me marry a man I don't like
ist a lawver. thnt n..).vi,.
I 1 never went out with him: onlv a
1 rmin n ....
to mo theater. Rut I
do
He came all the tim to ... -
Ba pmwi i. .1 . 1 ; . u . .
Place where I worked. After awhile the
people there told him he can't come any
more and bother me."
Mr. Fields told the girl to get the li
cense, and he would cancel It.
Miss Nellie Moss was another aggrieved
maiden who had heCn pestered bv a man.
Nineteen years old and prettv. Fred Retf
schlager fell in love with her. and bouKht
a license Inst Thanksgiving, while she
wa, m the East. She said he had not
ZZZ?, ,h,er11cpn!,nt- and knew nothing
about the lK-ense having been Issued un
til she returned to Portland. Keifsch
lager went to Nebraska soon afterward,
she said, and she demanded the license.
She returned it to the County Oerk yes
terday mornlnK.
HARRIS TO HEAR M'GIXX CASK
I.anej Judge to Try Suit Affecting
Pay for Jndge tin tons.
Judge L. T. Harris, of Bugene. will
come to Portland to hear the injunction
suit brought by Henry II McGinn against
the County Court, to restrain Its members
nPnlalnSr 1Uarlp ' J"ee Gatens.
his bailiff and his clerk. The arguments
In the case will be heard at 9:30 A M
March 10. ' '
Believing it would be a breach of pro
priety for this case. Involving the In
crease of the Multnomah County circuit
Court bench, to be tried hy a member of
that bench Presiding Judge Gantenbeln
requested Judge Harris to hear the argu
ments. While he Is here one of the local
toMe V"rJud'-'P8 KO to Eugene
to attend to the trial of Jury cases
John F. I.oBran. ran J. Malarkey. Gus
Mosor and Kalnh It. I.unlwn v i,.. ,
unteered their services In lighting fr
the defense in the suit brought bv Mc-
YIT'a A ,n?,""! of tho Multnomah
liar Association was held at the Court
house last night to ascertain If the sen
timent of the attorneys who compose
the association has changed since they
passed the resolution, during the ses
f ?." ot Ul L,?'slature. favoring the
hill calling for two additional Judges
of the Circuit Court. Those members
present expressed themselves as still in
favor of the additional Judge. Hut It
was decided that it Is unnecessary for
the association to take further action
and the members will individually work
in support of the new law.
A banquet to the officers of the as
sociation elected at the meeting pre
vious to last night will he given March
30. probnbly at the Commercial Club.
The members of the entertainment com- 1
iiuiiee are: 1111am M. ravls. George
F. Brlce. T. F. Crouch. Frank 8. Grant
and Bert E. Haney.
"BCIIi PEX PARK" SUGGKSTKD
F. I. MoKenna Wants City Park In
Keeping With Bull Run Water.
Frnncis I. McKenna appeared before
the Park Board at a special session yes
terday afternoon and sarcastically svig
gested that the members, in changing
the name of City Park, designate It as
"Bull Pen Park." He declared this would
harmonize with "Bii-11 Run River," and
concluded his remarks by requesting the
board either to assist in securing a
change in the name of the beautiful, pure
stream, from which Portland's water sup
ply Is had. or to designate City Park as
he had pointed out. No attention what
ever was given by the members of the
board, except to listen to what he had
Mr. McKenna has for a long time, with
others, endeavored to secure a chance
in tho name of Bull Run River, but wlth
oijt success. He told tho members of the
Park Board that. Inasmuch as It is their
duty to assist in harmonizing tho beau
tiful grounds of Portland, he thought It
a part of thnlr duty to harmonize the
names of parks, rivers and mountains,
and he asked the members to pais a
resolution, urging some more suitable
name for tho river from which Portland
gets Its water supply. He was told that
the members do not repard It u part
of their business to take part In trying
to change the name of the stream.
DEATH OF BOY OAVSES SUIT
Alleged Belt Shiftrra Should Have
Been on Pulleys.
Alleging that the Multnomah Lumber
& Box Company did not comply with
the law requiring flrn.s operat.ng ma
chinery to provide belt shifters on all
pulleys. Katy Wood is suing u.e com
pany In Judge Gatens' depart. ..ent of
the Circuit Court for 17500 damages
because of the death of Thomas J Mc
Farland. a 16-year-old boy.
The boy was caught in a belt and
killed March 30. last year, while at
work in the company's mill. The com.
pany denies responsibility, saying that
tho boy was not ordered to put the belt
on. Attorneys John Manning and
Thomas O'hay appear for the boy's ad
ministrator. BOY ROBS HIS BENEFACTOR.
HarcjjfcKar Sentenced to Hcfonn
School for Stealing.
Befriended by exWarden Smith, of
the Salem Penitentiary, who lives at
IIS East Thirty-third street. Harry A.
McKay. 17 years old, assisted in burg
larizing the home of his benefactor.
While Charles Heine, another boy. en
tered the house and secured a revolver,
belt, razor and two necKtles. Harry
stood on guard outside. Ho was sent
to the Reform Bchool by Judge Ganten
beln at Juvenile Court yesterday after
noon. Another boy named Koy Croft is
said to have been with them.
Sues for Money Paid on Lease.
Erf a Mae McKenzle has brought suit in
the Circuit Court against William Oebott
and Myrtle Gebott for the recovery of
i"25. and the surrender of a note for the
balance of J2100. The plaintiff asserts
that she purchnsed a lease to th Artonia
a roomlng-houe at 12S and 12.1 West Park
street, understanding that the monthly
rental was J ICS. But soon after taking
possession she discovered, a lie says, that
the Gebotts had been served with a notice
to Quit the premises. The ?2S Is what
he says she paid on the lease
NORTHWEST IS ADVERTISING
Commercial Club Starts Ware of
Publicity.
Since the first of tho year the Port
land Commercial Club has been Instru
mental In raising over 10c00 for publi
city purposes in the Pacific Northwest.
This is aside from its own publicity funds.
I he money has been subscribed in var
ious communities of Oregon. Washing
ton. Idaho. Montana and British- Colum
bia In which meetings have been ad
dressed on behalf of tho Portland or
ganization by Tom Richardson and C
C Chapman.
' Chapman returned to a
yesterday aftor an extended booster tour
throxiKh. Montana. i.Mho. Eastern Wash
ington and Eastern Oregon. Ho reports
an unprecedented Interest In publiclty
matters has been awakened, and that
many individual communities Intend to
take full advantage of the- advertising op
portunity afforded l,y the a-Y-P war
Buy yiuir tk-ket to B.iise." "Stop o'f
at Kallspell." "See Spokane." "Be sure
and seo Idaho." these are samples cf tho
slogans which different sections are head
lining in advertisins they send to eastern
publications. " said Mr. Chapman "This
is to Influence tho purchas, rs of rail
way tickeu to the exposition to take
advantage of tho stopover privileges with
out extra cost and investigate opportun
ities throughout the Northwest.
'Business men. public men and tve
press in over forty cities of the I'aciflo
Northwest are aroused by the publicity
possibilities of the year lOOfl. They real
izo the only cities that will be visited or
heard of by busy travelers in the hurry
of n exciting trip. are those cities
which keep themselves right to tho
front.
' British Columbia Is aggressively in the
rield. Following a big meeting at Vic
toria, where a league for Vancouver Is
land was organized by patterning after
the Oregon development League, funds
have been raised throughout the Island
aggregating over 120,000. Vancouver. B
C will hold a big meeting soon 'and
will similarly organize along Oreeon
lines.
"In Montana. Kallspell has come to the
front with a fund aggregating J10.000 for
exploiting the Flathead Vallev. The ticla
of Immigration has passed kallspell for
years on Us way to Spokane and the
I oast, and the Montanans are advertis
ing in the East so tourists will stop
off and seo thetr section of the State.
' Southern Idaho has a league of com
mercial clubs with hendmiarters at Boise
Bousing meetings were held at Boise Fri
day and Saturday and a large line of
Eastern and Exposition advertising was
being laid out. Clark Count v. Wash
ington, with Vancouver in the lead, hni
raised a big advertising fund. Golden
dale and White Salmon In Klickitat Coun
ty are expending T700 to advertise their
resources. A number of towns in the
Palouse country Colfax. Moscow. Oakes
daie and Palouse are banded together to
co-operate with the Inland Empire Val
ley system in builrtlng up that region.
"Salem, which formerly had the refu
tation for the heaviest moss crop In the
Northwest, Is keeping Its name before
a population of 20.000.000 In the Middle
west. Albany. Eugene an.l Rosehurg are
advertising on a broad scale'. Coos Bay
Is aggressively In the field to divert
some attention from the Ptiget Sound
Exposition to Its own harbor anil the
opportunities of the Coos Bay country.
At La Grande and Pendleton are felt the
bad effects of bonanza wheat farming
which dives not build up population and
experienced Eastern farmers are wanted
who can make tllversifled farming a suc
cess. "Walla 'Walla has raised one of tho
largest advertising funds in the North
west. Astoria has secured such sub
stantial returns from two rears' of ag
gressive advertising that Its business men
are now figuring on a more extended
campaign. Even the small eltlea liko
urownsvuie. htayton and Harrlsburg are
going into the advertising business Just
like merchants so they will not be over
looked hy homeseckers and investors w-'io
are likely to come West this vcar. Tho
aggregate effect of all this advertising
will be to stimulate travel to the North
west. Railroad men who receive reserva
tions for Northwest travel say that even
the tourist and colonist travel of the
Lewis & Clark year will be eclipsed by
190t."
Tom Richardson has addressed meet
ings at Walla Walla, Pendleton. La
Grande and Ontario. From N'ampa and
Boise, he will speak at Arlington and
Condon.
C C. Chapman has since the first of
the year addressed meetings at Victoria,
B. C. Spokane. Vancouver. Goldendale
and White Salmon. Wash.; Kallspell.
Mont.: Boise, Idaho, and Salem. Stayton
and Brownsville. Oregon. He will speak
at Vancouver. B. C, this month. The
aggregate attendance at these meetings
has been over 10.000 and the advertis
ing funds raised at these points, directly
and by auxiliary organizations, foot up
over J100.000.
"Advertising Orea-on.
' Salem Capital Journal.
The senators voted to abolish the nor
mal schools and established a state In
stitution for consumptive at a coat of
4n.000.
Is that a good way to advertise Ore
gon? The senate strikes down training
schools for public school teachers.
It establishes another asylum In East
ern 4 iregon.
Is that a good way to advertise Ore
gon? The senate passed a bill that every
young man must be examined by a
physician before he can get a marriage
certlilcate. to show that he has no vile
disease.
That Is to advertise the young man
hood of Oregon.
We display our defects, advertise our
liabilities and conceal our assets too
much.
We hide our virtues, reveal our de.
feets and advertise our vices.
We appropriate money for armories,
for horse racing establishments, for
salmon hatcheries: we create new offices
from deputy constables to supreme
Judges In defiance of the constitution
all to advertise Oregon.
Tow n Dlsehnrges lis Police Force.
Provlnceiowu (M iss.) Dispatch to Phila
delphia Hi curd.
Because the voters at tho annual town
meeting refused lately to appropriate a
sum sufficient for its maintenance, the
entire police department of the to n was
discharged l y the selectmen. When the
annual town meeting was held, some of
the taxpayers of a frugal turn of mind
emphasised the pross waste of public
money in connection with tho department
with the result that the appropriation was
cut down from J.'iX' to t:. Since that
time l' of this sum hss been spent and
the selectmen, seeing nothing but finan
cial breakers ahead for the JU'v balance
served formal notice upon the head and
members of the department that "the
hook" had been used.
Seattle Marino Notes.
SEATTLE. March 2. The Norwegian
steamer Cecil will complete repairs to
morrow and then leaves for Ocean
Island.
The steamer Cottage City sailed for
Skagway via ports tonight, carrying a
heavy enrgo and 110 passengers. 14 of
them soldiers for Sitka.
The steamer Texan arrived from San
Francisco this morning and goes to
Tacoma tomorrow 10 complete cargo
for Honolulu.
The steamer Fuckman arrived front
San Francisco at 11 A. M. after s un
eventful run. . . .
The Japanese steamer Tango Mam
sailed for the Orient this morning with
general cargo and passenger