3
TTTE MOItMG OREGOXIAN, THURSDAY, API1IL 2, 1908.
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PORTLAND, THURSDAY. APRIL I. 1B0S.
AMN11.MNO AN AMENDMENT.
Discussing the late rfecision of the
l'ederal Supreme Court against the
Minnesota rate law, the Indianapolis
News takes a more hopeful view of
the case than some other papers do.
In its opinion "the fundamental right
of the states to regulate rates Is not
Involved." Not on the. face o the de
cision, certainly; and yet tvhat remains
ol the right except a shadowy claim
which cannot be effectually exercised?
On the ground that It is confiscatory,
a state rate law can always be dragged
into the Federal Courts. Recent his
tory leads one to expect that the state
officers will be enjoined from execut
ing the law at once without inquiry
Into the question whether it is confis
catory or not, and thus It virtually
perishes though its disembodied spec
ter may still survive. The charge that
Plate laws are confiscatory seems am
ply sufficient to procure their annul
ment without Inquiry into the facts.
Imt If by chance It should fall there re
mains another device which is still
more deadly.
' The gist of this device is to charge
that the state law meddles with Inter
state commerce. It is a sort of double
edged axe which strikes both back
ward and forward. Federal laws can
be annulled by it on the ground that
they Interfere with intrastate com
merce, and state laws on the ground
that they interfere with Interstate
commerce. Nothing could be more
lovely for the corporations which de
sire to escape from all control. In the
case of the National employers' liabil
ity act It proved quite as potent
against Federal legislation as It ever
has against state laws. There is noth
ing like having a good, solid, old,
rockrlbbed constitution with a favora
ble court to interpret it. The rocky
ribs undergo some surprising distor
tions, but so long as they do not break
we can felicitate ourselves on having
"the most conservative government in
the world." To change the Constitu
tion by legislation of formal amend
ment is dangerously radical; but to
change it by the metaphysical Ingenu
ity of a bench of Judges is the safest
and sanest thing in the world, particu
larly if all the changes look In the
direction of increasing the privileges
of property and destroying protection
to life and liberty.
The News seems to perceive the ab
surdity of the claim that the Minne
sota law deprived the railroad of the
right to bring its case into court. In
deed the claim required some little im
pudence to make, for there Kh court
the railroad actually stood testing the
validity of the law which Its attor
neys gravely argued could not be test
ed. But the court preferred to Ignore
this somewhat intrusive circumstance
and decide the case upon a purely sup
posititious treatment of the facts. The
State of Minnesota had made it rather
dangerous for the railroad to test the
validity of the law by breaking It. The
court chose to hold that this rendered
a test of any sort Impossible and thus
made the law unconstitutional. It
would be difficult to Imagine a more
beautiful Illustration of the tendency
which Is manifest In all our courts to
dismiss reality as of no consequence
and govern the country by abstract
speculation.
The most striking metaphysical
subtlety which the Supreme Court em
ployed In the Minnesota case was an
elaborately drawn distinction between
the state and the officers of the state.
It ought to he mastered if possible by
everybody, because it is destined to
play a great role In our future his
tory. It is of the same type as the
distinction between the soul and body
of man, the state being the soul and
its officers the body. It applies also
to corporations. The corporation is a
spiritual, intangible entity embodied,
to be sure, in its officers, but by no
means identical with them. Of course
the state can only be reached through
Its officers. For all practical pur
poses a command to its officers is a
command to the state. AVhen its offi
cers are enjoined from doing any act,
the state is enjoined everywhere ex
cept in the realm of Hegelian meta
physics, for it lives and moves and has
its being In its officers. Remove them
and the state becomes dormant, being
to all intents extinct until a new set
has been ehosen. Paralyze them and
the state is paralyzed.
Now the eleventh amendment to the
United States Constitution declares
that -no' state mav be sued in the
Federal Courts. The case we are dis
cussing was an action to annul
a state law, and was directed
Immediately against the Attorney
General of Minnesota in his offi
cial capacity. Its whole aim was
to convict the state of wrongdoing in
passing confiscatory legislation. If it
was not a suit against a state, what
under heaven was It? And yet the
Supreme Court decides that it was
merely against the officers of the state,
and not against the state itself, and
from every plutocratic newspaper In
the country there has arisen a cach
Innatlon of joy to behold how easy it
has been to annul the eleventh amend
ment. The court makes as" short work
of the amendment as it does of the
state laws. And indeed, why should
It not? The Supreme Court Is abso
lutely at liberty to make over the Con
stitution in any shape It chooses.
There is nothing in the world to pre
vent. States can now be sued on the
facile pretense that it Is only their of
ficers who are afferted. If a state may
be forbidden to do one thing by the
courts, it may be commanded to do
another thing. Thus the states may
be ordered to levy taxes to pay their
repudiated debts, or for any other pur
pose. Of course such an order must
be directed, not to the state itself, but
to Its officers, but that precaution Is
easy enough to observe. Innovations
and usurpations must be judged, not
by their immediate purpose and sur
face effects, but by their consequences
in the long sequence of history. Thus
considered, there cannot be the slight
est doubt that the decision of the Su
preme Court In the Minnesota rate
case (destroys the autonorny of the
states altogether and puts them entire
ly at the mercy of the Federal judi
ciary. ANNA') SECOND NrPTTALS.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try
again. This seems to be the motto
that Anna Gould has adopted to for
tify her energies in the pursuit of con
nubial felicity. The second trial has
one advantage over the first, inasmuch
as the victim of her present pursuit is
a Prince, whereas poor old Boni was
only a Count. One gathers from
Anna's vigorous resistance to her fam
ily's well-meant measures to check her
matrimonial experiments that she Is
something of a vixen. And the mind
involuntarily ranges onward from that
conclusion to the deduction that pos
sibly the disreputable Boni was not all
to blame for the disruption of Anna's
first home.
If Anna Is the termagant her con
duct toward Helen and Howard indi
cates, the chances are that the pitiable
Count received full measure for all the
bad treatment he s&ve, and we cannot
behold the approaching calamities of
the Prince without a shudder of hor
ror. Anna will endow him with her
millions If she can rescue them from
the clutches of her family, but who
will insure him against her temper?
Who will promise him that the mil
lions will not slip from his hands as
swiftly as they did from his predeces
sor's. To Boni, Anna was a fleeting
show, a vain prediction of wealth that
was fulfilled but for a moment and
then vanished forever. Transient as
the phantasmagoria of the rosy-fingered
dawn is the bliss which depends
on the constancy of Anna.
The Gould fortune is Invested large
ly In American railroads. To make
the earnings of these roads secure we
have recently seen the laws of several
sovereign states of the Union over
turned by the higher courts. So far
as Anna's share of the fortune is con
cerned, the final cause of these court
decisions Is to enable a French Prince
to make a gaudy show in the gam
bling hells and brothels of Paris. In
other cases the result varies, but in
the main it Is much the same no mat
ter who the individual may be that
spends the money. It is a curious
phenomenon of history to see the sov
ereignty of our American states de
stroyed to maintain the vices of the
aristocracy of Europe. "Imperious
Caesar dead and turned to clay, may
stop a hole to keep the wind away."
American liberty dead and decayed
may apparently be put to still worse
uses.
BI-OTV AT MILLING INDUSTRY.
If the "Trans-Paclftc Freight Bu
reau," which Is responsible for a dis
criminatory rate against Pacific Coast
flour bound to the Orient, can offer
any excuse for such discrimination, it
would no doubt be interesting. Every
steamship line operating out of North
Pacific ports owes its Inception and
existence to the flour trade, which the
"Freight Bureau" now seeks to kill by
delivering wheat to the Oriental flour
mills at $1 per ton less than is de
manded for flour. If this rank dis
crimination had been inaugurated at a
time when flour offerings were large
and prices satisfactory, less complaint
might have appeared. But. unfortu
nately for all concerned, the embargo
Is attempted at a time when trade is
bad and shipments far below those of
recent years.
The extent to which the Oriental
business has been damaged by the
flour mills in China and Japan Is re
flected In export figures, which show
that for the nine months ending March
31. 1908. but 1.995.4:5 barrels of. flour
were sent to the Orient from Oregon
and Washington ports, compared with
1. 622. 900 barrels for the correspond
ing period In the previous season.
This decrease of 617.000 barrels is ap
proximately 25 per cent, and the small
amount under engagement for the re
maining three months of the season
makes It a certainty that the twelve
months will show a ailing off in the
business of nearly one-third. In the
face of this decidedly poor showing
for the season's business, the trans
pacific lines, by discriminating against
flour, and in favor of wheat, have at
tempted still further to hamper ship
ments. Fortunately for the Pacific Coast
millers, there is plenty of idle tonnage
on the Pacific, and it can be char
tered in large quantities to carry flour
across the Pacific at as low a rate as is
quoted on wheat by the regular lines.
The -reason given for the cut in 'rates
on both wheat and flour is the cempe
titlon of tramp steamers; but as this
class of carriers will accept wheat or
flour at the same rates, it is not clear
why the regular lines should attempt
to make the discrimination. The rate
of J2.50 per ton quoted on wheat was
accepted by at least two tramp steam
ers before war was declared, and is
the lowest ever made on the Pacific
except during rate wars.
The 3teady reductions In rates to the
Orient have resulted In keeping wheat
prices in the Pacific Northwest steady.
n spite of declines In the East and In
Europe. It is unnecessary to sate
that the enormous saving will go to
the wheatgrowers. who will fail to un
derstand where a ship subsidy on the
Pacific, or anywhere else, would im
prove facilities and rates for export
ing American products.
MR. BRYAN AT KANSAS CITY.
Mr. Bryan's speech, delivered at
Kansas City on March 30, contains a
number of passages which Republican
leaders may ponder with profit if not
with comfort. In its general purport
the speech, which Is an important one,
indicates that the Democratic cam
paign win be aggressive and not mere
ly a passive submission to Inevitable
slaughter like that of 1904. The truth
is that Republican managers must
probably seek some new ground of
attack if they mean to Injure Mr.
Bryan seriously. The money Issue has
faded away. Nobody cares much now
what the peerless one may think about
free silver, since the progress of
events has made the-question as pure
ly theoretical as the loves of the an
gels. If Mr. Bryan wishes to believe
that silver ought to be coined freely
at the ratio of IS to 1, he may do so
without excltljng any particular atten
tion. He can never have it coined at
the sacred ratio, and he as well as
everybody else knows he cannot. So
what's the difference?
Much the same may be said of the
old reproach that Mr. Bryan lacks re
spect for the Supreme Court. He re
spects the court as much as anybody
does, but he still declines to admire
the income-tax decision, and a great
many Rpublicans think very much as
he does about It. In popular regard
the Supreme Court has not advanced
during the last eight or ten years.
Doubtless that great tribunal Is just as
wise, impartial and learned as It ever
was, but many American voters do not
think so, and Mr. Bryan's very plain
hints that Its wisdom Is limited will
be more likely to win votes for him
than to lose any. Nor will It avail to
accuse him of radicalism. Most of his
doctrines that seemed radical some
years ago have now become sound Re
publican faith. They are likely to ap
pear prominently in both platforms
and both parties will proudly claim
the merit of originating them. It is
difficult indeed to imagine just what
objection can be made to Mr. Bryan
that will weigh much with the voters.
His lack of executive experience
they will not care a straw for, nor
will It trouble them to hear that his
judgment Is shallow rather than pro
found, and vacillating rather than sta
ble. The New York World has been
busv for some time trying to devise a
really deadly campaign cry against
him. and the worst It has done thus
far is to say that "he does not think
right." Since right thinking is largely
a matter of opinion and taste, this re
proach does not strike one as being
very effective for campaign use.- The
same papers that accuse the Nebras-
kan of wrong thinking arraign Mr.
Roosevelt for the same offense. The
people of the country would be glad
to see many more minds go astray in
the same direction.
While Mr. Bryan seems to be par
tially exempt from effective attack
himself, he brings plenty of Indict
ments against the Republicans In gen
eral and Mr. Taft In particular, one
of his thrusts in the course of the
Kansas City speech was especially ma
lign. We wonder how Mr. Taft will
parry It. "The laboring men Insist
that they are entitled to trial by jury;
but Secretary Taft went all the way to"
Oklahoma to find fault with a provis
ion In the Oklahoma constitution se
curing this protection to the laboring
man." Thus spake Mr. Bryan. The
sentence Is not a little disingenuous;
fcr Mr. Taft, following his chief, fa
vors certain restrictions upon the In
junction power and some mitigation of
the rigor of contempt proceedings.
Still he did go to Oklahoma to protest
against the new constitution, and that
offense will count against him with a
certain class of workingmen; for the
constitution of Oklahoma is a kind of
new Magna Charta in the eyes of those
who have found the new light.
Mr. Bryan thinks that Secretary
Taft is perhaps the best man his party
could name. He Is the only member
of the Cabinet,- according to the Ne
braskan's judgment, who has dis
played the slightest predilection for
reform. All the others still walk In
the Cimmerian darkness of reaction
ists But even Mr. Taft's reform tend
encies are by no means what they
ought to be In order to come up to the
rigid Bryan standard. He Is but a
timid trimmer who paddles on the
beach of radicalism withont venturing
out Into the depths where Mr. Bryan
himself swims so buoyantly and .so
gaily. He declares that Mr. Taft not
only will do nothing to lower railroad
rates, but that he rather Inclines to
raise them, and that he will not de
stroy the trusts any more than Mr.
Roosevelt has done. Mr. Bryan thinks
his proposal to regulate the trusts Is
a puny subterfuge, but we incline to
believe that they will be regulated for
many, many years before they will ba
destroyed.
The whale which stranded on Clat
sop Beach last Sunday will hardly at
tract the crowds that would have gath
ered later In the season, but, as the
giant of the deep has been dead for a
long time, the odor will probably lin
ger along the beach until the van
guard of the Summer rush gets down
there. People who never expect to
own an automobile get a chance to
smell the gasoline trail the machines
leave behind them, and those who
visit the beach resorts without the
price of lodging at the select hotels re
ceive free a whiff of the same odors
which the dead whales bring In for
rich and poor alike.
The record-breaking wheat crop of
1907 is still pouring -Into Port
land and as rapidly as possible
being put afloat for the for
eign markets. But along with the
news that shipments of wheat are still
holding up to record proportions
comes the report from Eastern Oregon
that sheepshearing will begin this
week. All along the lower river nets
and trap gear are being placed In
readiness for the Spring run of sal
mon, and throughout the timber dis
tricts logging camps are opening up
for another season's work. In these
simple stories, told by the news dis
patches, can be found an explanation
of the continuous nature of Oregon's
prosperity. Our resources are so many
and varied that we are no sooner
clear of one of the big staples than
the "annual output" of another is
ready- to move to market- .
It may be feared that our colored
brethren, who were going -to quit the
Republican party because of the treat
ment of the negro soldiers In the
Brownsville affair, will now be fickle
enough to go back on the Democratic
party, because of the action of the
Democratic members of the Senate
committee at Washington, who voted
in a body on Tuesday against giving
the dismissed soldiers a chance of re
instatement. All the Democratic mem
bers of the committee took this stand,'
and, joining a minority of the Re
publican members, defeated the reso
lution. It would be a great thing fot
the country if half the negroes, or
even more of them, would join the
Democratic party. But when the
chance occurs to woo the nigger, the
Democratic party Invariably shows
how it still holds to the curse of
Canaan,
The Salem Board of Trade has un
der consideration the project of an
electric road from Salem to Stayton.
The proposed line would traverse fif
teen miles 'of wonderfully rich coun
try, and would afford transportation
facilities with Stayton, one of the most
prosperous small cities In the state.
Enterprises of this nature are the re
sult of the building of the electric line
through he Willamette Valley, and It
will be but a few years before "feed
ers" will leave the main line at fre
quent intervals throughout the Valley,
and with cheap transportation en
hance the value of all farm property
and aid In building up the interior
cities and towns. These cities and!
towns will, of course, assist In Increas
ing the growth of Portland.
Stock of the steel trust, though
enormously Inflated, touches par again
In the market on and off, these days;
which reminds us to print again cer
tain figures that show why. The re
cent report of the corporation showed
that the earnings for 1907 were $160,
964,673, an Increase of $4,340,400 over
those of 1906. In the latter half of
1907, of course, business fell off, but
In the first six months the mills were
pushed to their greatest capacity. The
gross business was $757,014,767, and
the surplus now Is $123,645,243. Other
figures are as bewildering as these.
This is one of the Infants the country
has to, feed with protective tariff pap.
A resolution appropriating $100,000
for the erection of a monument in the
City of Washington to the memory of
General Robert E. Lee, commander-in-chief
of the Confederate army, has
been introduced In the House of Repre
sentatives by Mr. Ferris, of Oklahoma.
It probably will not be adopted; nor
ought it to be. But a monument may
be permitted to General Lee In Wash
ington, if erected by private subscrip
tion; if not now, at some future time.
Such memorial of Cromwell, long de
nied in London, now stands In the
outer court of Westminster Hall. It
was placed there by permission. The
government didn't erect it.
There are two brakebeam tourists
behind the penitentiary bars at Salem
who will certainly bear witness that
Oregon Is not so "slow" as It is some
times charged with being. These
wandering hobos broke Into a store at
Shedds, Or., at 3 o'clock Tuesday
morning, were arrested, and five hours
later were landed In jail at Albany.
They, were arraigned the same day,
and, eleven hours after their capture;
were sentenced to two years in the
penitentiary. Justice in this case
seems, temporarily at least, to have
discarded her reputed leaden footwear
for a pair of the seven-leagued boots.
A speculator bought 700,000 shares
of Yukon stock at $5 per share and
engaged Tom Lawson to sell them for
him. Lawson began an advertising
campaign, lasting five days, in the
principal papers of the country, at a
cost of $100,000. The stock was sold
in one day at prices ranging around
$7.50 per share. Lawson and the
speculator therefore cleaned up $2.50
per share, or $1,750,000, less expenses.
Which would appear to show that ad
vertising pays.
"The Increased cost of living" is
given as a reason for asking the Prus
sian Diet to pass a bill giving Emperor
William more spending money. As
William already has at his command
a salary and expense account totaling
$3,830,000 per year, there Is a proba
bility that the Diet may request Will
lam also to "diet" or else purchase his
groceries at the clearance sales.
Neither earthquake, nor colossal
graft, nor subsidized press, nor bu
bonic plague, nor all combined, can
weaken the Indomitable spirit of San
Francisco. So say Abe Attell and
"Battling" Nelson, who fought fifteen
rounds to a draw.
The Statement No. 1 people, we are
told, are to put up their own ticket
after the primaries, in counties where
they have now no candidates. This
shows how much the advocates of
Statement No. 1 are Interested In the
success of the Republican party.
"Jurors," said Attorney McCamant,
"would not return a verdict for my
clients (Ross et al.) if they knew the
newspapers would grill them the next
day." It doesn't appear to be neces
sary to add anything to that remark.
Statement No. 1 or its substitute Is
not uproariously popular with Repub
licans in the State of Washington. The
Washington Derrfocrats, like their Ore
gon brethren, however, see In it the
salvation of the party.
Bishop Moore wouldn't deny the
right of free speech even to Chan
cellor Day. Good doctrine, but a little
tough on the. public.
Madame Anna Gould evidently
didn't get bronchitis In saying no to
Prince Heiie.
It begins to look as if Boni were not
altogether to blame, after ail.
DO THE PEOPLE MAKE A CHOICE'
Some Provision of Prlmsry Law and
Stateniemt No. 1.
ALBANY, Or., April 1. tTo the Edi
tor.) There la a great deal of talk just
now about Statement No. 1. being the
best way for the people to get their
choice of United States Senator.
I have not been able to reason it out
in just that way. as yet. but I am con
vinced that It would be a good scheme
for any party that was in the minority to
advocate it. For instance, the Republi
can party, in Oregon, at the present time,
is largely in the majority, and being so,
encourages more candidates at the pri
mary election. To illustrate: The Repub
licans have 5?0O votes in the state. There
are five candidates on the primary ticket.
Four candidates receive 1000 votes each.
The fifth candidate receives 1500 votes
and of course, this vote entitles him to
be the candidate on the Republican ticket
according to Statement No. 1. Now, is
he the choice of the people?
The party that is ' in the minority I
keen enough to see that under the circum
stances It will be better for it to have
but one candidate and so receive the
entire vote of the party, although the en
tire vote of the party in the state may be
but 23i0. This vote would entitle him to
be elected United States Senator by the
Legislature, according to Statement No. 1.
Now, is he the choice of the people?
1 have heard some voters remark "that
they believe In a direct vote for United
States Senator." Bo do I. I have advo
cated that way of election for many
years. We don't have it yet, and I do
not believe that Statement No. 1, will
ever bring it about. Some think It will,
because, they say, we will exact a pledge
from each candidate, and that assures it.
I wish that I could have that much con
fidence in a reasonable minority of the
individuals that pose as candidates for
the Legislature I can't though. A long
experience In observing the "workings of
politics has taught me differently. There
are men who desire to go to the Legisla
ture just once some for the honor, some
for other things and they promise any
thing before election. After their elec
tion, they then tell you that they are
now electer". and will vote to please
themselves.
No. I do not think we can make a
direct vote through Statement Not 1. as
long as we have to depend upon the
members of the Legislature to settle it
for us after m-e have done our voting.
We have tried it, and I don't feel like
boasting for any benefit It has brought
us thus far. Some say: "If you oppose
Statement No. 1 you believe in bossism.'
I do not believe In political bosses and
never did. and I have been a Republican
about as long as Oregon has been a state.
I am opposed to Ptatemeot No. -1 the same
as I was with "Sixteen to 1." Both are
catchy at first sight, but after one in
vestigates them somewhat, one finds them
very deceptive.
W. C. TWEEDALE.
PANAMA MATRIMONIAL PARADISE.
Where I'nele Sam Pros-idea Erery
tbfnsr for latendlasr Housekeepers.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
It is quite evident that Fantrma is a
matrimonial paradise. We are told by the
organizer of Jhe women's clubs on the
isthmus that little Dan Cupid Is a sadly
overworked cherub. It Is Impossible, ac
cording to this authority, lor a woman
to remain single. She cites as an instance
of the matrimonial demand that one of
the hospitals lost 17 nurses by marriage
from April to June, and so discouraged
did the management become that it sent
word to the atates to forward no more
young nurses and to select for the Pana
ma field only the very plainest ones that
could be secured.
In many cases the nurses became en
gaged on the stearhers to men who were
returning to work on the canal, and con
sequently never showed up at the hos
pitals. It appears that matrimony is
made particularly easy in this favored
section. The Government provides all the
necessaries for the married quarters, the
house, the furniture the drinking water;
everything, in fact, except the food and
clothes. And it should bo remembered
that in Panama an earner receives near
ly twice the wages he would get in the
states, and the warn for spending money
are few and not alluring. There are no
bargain sales, and even the most careless
feminine financiers are obliged to save
their money. This, as the chronicler re
marks, makes it a hard place for many
women, but there doesn't seem to be any
perceptible amount of sidestepping when
matrimony Is suggested.
Cannl la Good for the World.
Mexican " Herald.
We think that Mr. Stevens is too
gloomy and Mr. Barrett over sanguine.
But Uncle Sam is not making the canal
for mere profit In dollars and cents; he
Is remedying an error of nature which
should have left open water from ocean
to. ocean at Panama. Had this been the
case. It would have been deemed provi
dential. So Uncle Sam steps in as an
earthly Providence.
Mexico is not an uninterested spectator
of the work going on down on the lower
Isthmus. Slie stands to gain by the mak
ing of the great waterway, for her Pa
cific Coast will be benefited, though hot
to the same degree as if the Tehuantepec
railway had not been built.
The canal will be an achievement .of
civilization, and therefore good for the
world at large.
Dldnt Use Words aa Governor's.
EUGENE. Or.. March 31. (To the Edi
tor.) In my report of Governor Chamber
lain's address to the citizens of Eugene,
March 17, I said (referring to the Uni
versity appropriation bill) "He gave out
the impression that whl'e he thought at
the time that the appropriation was a
little too much, he hopes that the -bill will
carry toy the people's vote in June." Since
some' have construed this as the Gov
ernor's statement I wish to say that this
part of the report was in my own words
and not Governor Chamberlain's. The
Governor did not express his wish as to
the fate of the bill.
ALLEN EATON,
Eugene Correspondent for The Orego
nlan. He Was the Rtcht Man.
Cleveland leader.
Loeb Gentleman to see you, sir.
T. R. Mollycoddle?
Loeb No, sir.
T. R. Undesirable citizen?
Loeli He doesn't look It.
T. R. Conspirator? poltroon?
I.oeh Not that I can see.
T. R. Deliberate and unqualified, etc.?
Uoeb 1 think not. sir.
T. R Well, why didn't yon tell me it
was Taft? Show hlm in.
The Lay of tbe Last Ltuihr.
Prom the Voice.
Lay the Jest about the julep In the camphor
balls at last.
For the miracle has happened and the olden
da-ys are paseed.
That which made Milwaukee famous doesn't
foam in Tennessee,
And the lid In Alabama is as tight locked
as can be;
And the comic paper Colonel and his cronies
well may sigh.
For the mint Is waving sally, and the South
Is aolnft dry.
Bv the stlllside on the hillside In Kentucky,
all Is still.
And the only damp refreshment must bs
dipped .up from the rill.
North Car llna s stately Governor rives his
soda glass a shove.
And dlscu5ss local option srith the South
I'ar lina Gov.
It Is usele? at the fountain to be winkful
of the eye
For the cochtatl r'.asa fas dusty and the
South Is going dry.
It is water, water everywhere, and not a
drop to drink.
We no longer hear the muoio of tbe mellow
cr-vstat clink
When the colonel and the General and the
Major and the Jedge
Meet to have a little nip to give the appetite
an edge
For the eggnog now la nngless and the rye
has gone awry.
And the punchbowl hoMs carnations and
the South Is going dry.
POTPOURRI
BT N'AKCT LEE.
Excessive Rvdeaess.
Mrs. Poor pay (politely) Walk right
in. Will you take a chair?
Bill Collector (Impolitely) No. madam;
I have come to take back the dining
room furniture.
To Delia.
Though poets sing
Their ods to Spring
Or St. Cecilia
I'll tune my lyre
An octave higrhrr
And sing of Delia.
And if so be.
She'd have but me
For woe or weaj
A devotee
For life. I'd b
At ahrlne of Delia.
What though our hoard
Could ill afford
Mumm's dry, or teal.
A chop or two
Would nicely do.
For me and Delia.
My rmise has flown,
My little moan
I? finished, selah.
I'll 90 to bed
And rest my head
And dream of Delia.
""Vhieh do you prefer, poetry or mu
sic?" asked the temperamental young
creature who was seated at the piano.
"Poetry" snapped her rival. "You can
keep poetry shut up in a book. You
don t have to listen to it unless you
wish.
There is a local steam laundry in this
town which advertises to darn socks,
sew on buttons and do all necessary
rpairinsr on men's apparel. Here is
an institution thit is do'ng a great work
in curbing the matrimony evil.
When the late Noble Prentls was
editor of the Kansas City Star he told
of his unfortunate experience In seek
ing an apartment. Desirous of moving-
to either a flat or an apartment,
he, In company with Mrs. Prentis, spent
three entire days in search of new
quarters, but were invariably con
fronted with the remark: "Of course,
we . do not allow children or dogs."
On the fourth day they discovered an
ideal apartment upon which "Mr. Prentis
paid a deposit. Scarcely had they started
down the steps, when the old familiar
words greeted them. Of course, we do
not allow children, have you any? "Yes,"
aid Mr. Prentiss, with a sigh of resigna
tion, 'NVe have three, but we can kill
them."
"Love me and the world is mine," is
the latest system of Christian Science
for obtaining real estate.
A maiden at Seaside one day '
Found herself in a terrible way;
She wanted a Joke
That had not been broke
One spicy, but yet, not too gay.
She had puzzled all morn, on the beach.
Not a joke came within her reach.
When ehe came in for lunch
She saM, "I've a hunch,"
Which she followed, and landed a peach.
Her troubles she told to the clerk,
"Who immediately quit all his work,
Grabbed a pencil and paper.
And scribbled a caper
That looked like the prayer of a Turk.
At dawn next mom, on a rock-bound
coast,
A fisher man stood agast
When he saw the form
Of that brand new joke
Nailed to a broken mast.
A new story is told on Secretary Wil
liam H. Taft. On an intensely hot August
day he sought the park In hope of some
sheltered spot. However, finding every
shady spot occupied, he walked leisurely
about. Suddenly a nurse-maid wheeling
twins in a perambulator followed after
the Secretary, dogging iiis atcps. In
tensely annoyed by the crying children,
he demanded, with some feeling, why he
was being followed. "Faith, you are sich
a foine large man, and you make the only
nice shady spot In the park."
Sunday school teacher Jimmy, can you
sing "Onward, Christian soldier. March
ing as to War?"
Jimmy Nope, but I can sing "Waltz Me
Around Again, Willie."
Is "absent treatment" a new branch of
the international correspondence school?
Not That Klad.
Mrs. Gushington, (to newly arrived
guest) My dear Mrs. Pf-rt, I have just
learned that you were recently made a
widow. How Is it that you are not in
mourning?
Mrs. Pert Well, to be truthful, I find
green vastly unbecoming.
People who live in glass houses should
be careful about casting shadows.
MAKING THE HOME
BEAUTIFUL
SPECIAL NEW FEATURE
IN THE SUNDAY OREGONIAN
Bcfrinning. with the next issue, April 5. The Sunday Orft
gronian will publish a series of articles by Margaret Greenlee f,
suitably illustrated, on MAKING THE HOME BEAUTIFUL.
Miss Greenleaf is an expert on home decoration. Her articles
in the Ladies' Home Journal, her editorial work on Home and
Garden, and three years' experience as consulting decorator,
have equipped her most thoroughly. Plan is to present to the
reader interesting, helpful and practical suggestions for re
modeling or improving and beautifying the home at the leant
expense supplemented with illustrations. Following are
among the subjects to be treated:
1. The living-room in a honse of moderate cost. 2. Wall
coverings and window curtains. 3. Dining-room. Working
plans for built-in buffets and china cupboards, with sugges
tions for inexpensive furniture on artistic lines. 4. Bedrooms.
5. Bathrooms and kitchen. 6. "Window boxes constructed and
planted by the amateur. 7. Porches and porch furnishings.
8. Selection of hardware, tiles and fixtures for the redecorated
room or new home. 9. Radiator and register and the window
seat. '
Advertising Talks
No. 5
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
AMUSING AND CONVINCING
By Herbert Kaufman
An advertiser must Tealize that
there is a vast difference between
amusing people and convincing1 theui.
It does not pay to be "smart" at the
line rate of the average first-class
daily. I suppose that 1 could draw
the attention of everybody on the
street by painting halt' of my fate
red and donning a suit of motley. I
might have a sineere purpose in wish
ing to attract the crowd, but 1 would
be deluding myself if 1 mistook the
nature of their attention.
The new advertiser is especially
prone to misjudge between amusing
and convincing copy. ' A humorous
picture may catch the eyes of every
reader, but it won't pay as well as an
illustration of smnc piece of merchan
dise which will strike the rye of every
buyer. Merchants secme Tarin?
results from the same ailvertisine
space. The publisher delivers to each
the same quality of readers, but the
advertiser who plants flippancy in
the minds of the community won't
attain the benefit that is src.urpd by
the merchant who imprints clinching
arguments there.
Always remember thai, the adver
tising sections of newspapeis are no
different than farming lands. And
it is as preposterous to hold the pub
lisher responsible for the outcome of
unintelligent copy as it would be un
just to blame the soil for bad seed
and poor culture. Every advertiser
gets exactly the samp number of
readers from a publisher and the
same readers after that it's up to
him the results fluctuate in accord
ance willi the intelligence and the
pulling power of tbe copy which is
inserted.
Cnpyrirht. 1B01.
Lincoln Dralrrd to l ose lln'ls.
McClure's Masazin1.
"Tho rapture of Jpfferson Davis." say
Oir! Hrhurz In "the South Afti-r th
War' "was a very serious thine;, and it
was reRard1! by not a few coo!-hcadfrt
and Jons-siphtfd mnn as a verv unfortu
nate one. It has become well known that
President Lincoln wished that the down
fall of the Confederaey would not deliver
Uie chief of the Confederaey into his
hands. A Lincoln anecdote current, at tho
time seemed to have pood authority be
hind tt. After lee's surrender, a friend
asked Mr. Lincoln whether he did not
think it. would be bfst to let Jefferson
Davis get out of the country. Lincoln
answered by telling a story of a Metho
dist preacher out West, a ctrlct temper
ance man. who was offered a. filass of
water with a dash of brandy In tt. and
who replied that he would not object to
a drop of something strons in his drink,
if that drop could be put In 'unbe
knownst to himself. ' ,
"Lincoln bo doubt saw clearly Ifca.t -tbs
capture of Jefferson Davis would burden
the Government with a mopt embarrass
ing; dilemma. The public voice would in
sist upon the chief of the rchHion heir.i
tried and punished for treason. Now. his
crime of treason had been oommll!?d in
the South. A trial for treason by a regu
lar tribunal in the South would bo a meio
ferce, for it seemed a forppone conclu
sion that no Jury in the South could be
found that would pronounce Jefferson
Davis of any of the beads of the rebellion
guilty of treason. A trtal by a military
commission mijrht result in a verdict of
guilty; but resort to a military tribunal
for the trial of a political offense after
the close of the war micht have looked
like a stretch of arbitrary power hetlt
Ine an Old World despotism rather than
this New World republic."
"Mr. Domestic Minister Hnle."
Washington (D. C.) Herald.
Dr. Edward Everett Hale, the venerable
chaplain of the Senate, called at tho StHto
Department recently to see Secretary
Root. He had forgotten that It whs dip
lomatic day at the department. When ho
approached the Secretary's door tho
colored messenger standing outside said:
"Are you a foreign minister?"
"No." said the doctor. "I am domestic
minister;" He passed on in without fur
ther question.
Whenever he appears now at the iptate
Department the messenger salutes him a
"Mr. Domestic Minister" and flings tho
door wide open;
Han Readlnsr-room In Family Tomb.
Kittery (Me.) D'spatch to New York
Tribune.
Harrison J. Phllbrick haj fitted up a
reading-room In the tomb of his ances
tors on the lawn of his colonial e.tnto
here. A tableful of magazines, a com
fortable armchair, vases of flowers, and
cases of books are included in the fur
nishings, as well as couch and rugs, with
a reading lamp.