8
TTT'3 MORNING; OKEGONIAN, SATURDAY, MARCH 7,.. 1908.
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FORTI-AM. SATTRDAT. MARCH 7, IMS.
"SECOND KUSCTITE TERM."
Senator Bourne Is earnest always la
what he undertakes. He had set his
heart on the renomlnation of President
Jloogevclt. In his effort In this direc
tion he has cone much further than
liny less intense man would have gone.
Jt never has been the belief, or suppo
sition, of The Orpjjonlan that Mr.
Koosevelt could be a candidate in
J COS. He cut himself off from the
candidacy by his declaration on the
night of the election. In 3 904. Be
sides, he Is an advocate of the nomina
tion of Mr. Taft. Jn this direction he
lias gone further than he ought, as
many have thought: but it has been
part of his purpose, that he might
ihow and prove that he was not play
ing a game, to be a candidate himself,
possibly there may be such demand
Tor Mr. Roosevelt in 193 2 as will call
liim out as a candidate then; yet that
is but merest conjecture. No one can
question his sincerity in his advocacy
of the nomination of Mr. Taft now.
Of course Mr. Bourne does not
question it. Tet Mr. Bourne has be
lieved there would arise a condition
under which the Republican Conven
tion, unable to agree on Mr. Taft, or
on Mr. Hughes, or on Mr. Cannon, or
on any other person in the list of can
didates, would abandon all of them,
and with one voice and universal ac
claim, call on Mr. Roosevelt; and that
called upon in this manner, he would
not be able to decline. This Indeed
might happen; but it is unlikely. Mem
bers of a convention are not likely to
nominate a man who persistently de
clines and supports another, to whom
Ills faith is pledged. Besides, Mr.
Iloosevelt knows he would be taxed
with insincerity, and of course would
not willingly subject himself to such
imputation.
Kvery one who knows Mr. Bourne
Rives him credit for earnestness and
fur singleness of purpose. When he
engages in an enterprise he "stays with
It." It was this purpose or quality
that carried him to the Senate. But
The Oregonian has always thought he
was pursuing a mistaken idea, in push
ing Mr. Roosevelt for another term. It
has been admitted. Indeed, that this
might come about, but only through
a spontaneous call. But when a call
is "worked up" It is not spontaneous.
The Oregonian would support Presi
dent Roosevelt for another term, but
has felt Itself shut off from advocacy
of it hy his repeated declarations. It
has taken him at the plain meaning
gnd intent of his words.
Of course we do not know what de
proe of truth there may be In the
statement that Mr. Bourne has been
notified in some positive manner that
the President is displeased by the Sen
ator's insistency in other words, that
the Senator has been "called down."
Yet we can sec how the President, as
the time approaches for the election
of delegates to the National Republi
can Convention, should feel obliged to
make it clear that he stands by his
declaration that he will not be a can
didate, nor accept a nomination, again.
One cannot juggle with the people,
where so fierce a light blazes on the
transaction. Besides. Mr. Roosevelt
has encouraged the candidacy of Mr.
Taft. He cannot be playing a game
with Mr. Taft as one of his pawns.
Giving all credit to Mr. Bourne for his
devotion to an Idea (which Is charac
teristic of html. The Oregonian thinks
It. and has thought It, injudicious and
impracticable.
In the first statements made in the
presence of an awful disaster, and
t hen excitement runs high and no two
witnesses see things the same way, ex-aKK'-rated
and contradictory reports
are inevitable. ' Thus in the first report
of the Colllnwood disaster it was said
that the doors to the two exits of the
building swuog inward and that one of
these was locked against the frantic
throng of children that surged toward
it, only to meet death. Both of these
reports are emphatically denied by the
grief-stricken Janitor of the building,
who, In addition to suffering the cen
sure of a frantic host of parents, was
himself bereft by the death of three
children. It is scarcely conceivable
that the fire was due to the inatten
tion to duty of the man whose own
children risked and shared the fiery
fate that befell their companions. It
will be necessary to look elsewhere be
fore fixing the blame for this whole
sale slaughter of the Innocents. In
the meantime the hapless Janitor is
under police protection.
THE OLD MONETARY ERRORS.
Mr. Bryan came Into notice and Na
tional fame as an advocate of free
coinage of silver. .It was his Impas
sioned speech in which he declared
"You shall not press down this crown
of thorns on the brow of labor, you
shall not crucify mankind on the cross
of gold," that carried the convention
oft its feet, gave him the nomination
for the Presidency, and opened the
gateway to fame and fortune. But for
the stupid economic error that de
manded free coinage of silver he would
still be unknown.
It is almost distressing, however, to
observe that nowhere in his long dec
larations of principles, as set forth In
the platform he has written for his
party in Nebraska, does he refer to
the one great principle through which
he came Into the limelight of publicity
and celebrity. Tet labor Is still wear
ing that crown of thorns; mankind is
still suffering crucifixion on that cross
of gold.
But In lieu of this "great principle,"
now abandoned, another error, almost
equally fatuous perhaps more so Is
proposed. This Is the demand that all
currency shall be Issued directly by
the Federal Government. It simply
means that when "more money"
Is wanted more greenbacks shall be
printed; and more money is wanted all
the time.
More greenbacks would simply
mean increase and perpetuation of the
evils of the present currency system,
with increasing danger of the loss of
parity, redemption and the gold stand
ard. The basis of all our errors and
distresses in finance is the "long
green." It leads up to the next error,
bond-secured bank notes, with
greenbacks Instead of gold as bank re
serves. The system "goes off its base"
frequently, and always will. But Con
gress hasn't knowledge enough to for
sake this miserable system for a sound
principle; and the Bryan party, that
was so utterly irrational about silver,
can't be expected to have any real
knowledge of banking and currency
and use of substitutes for money. It
always thinks the substitute money It
self, and never bothers about standard
or parity or redemption.
A 1'IAIX MATTER OF RIGHT AND
WRONG.
The saloon-keeper who sells liquor
to minors or allows minors to visit his
saloon is Justly under the ban of the
law. There can be, as the law now
stands, no exception made in such
cases, even though the boy, who is
under 21 but in appearance is a year
or two older, lies outright when ques
tioned by the saloon-Aeeper In regard
to his age. The vendor of liquor is
manifestly at disadvantage in such a
case; the law having been violated,
the penalty must follow.
But should the boy who is, in ap
pearance and self-conceit, a man, and
who boldly and deliberately deceives
the vendor in order to get and drink
liquor, go unpunished? As the law
now stands, he goes free, and the prov
ince of the courts is to administer the
law as it is. But in the interest of
simple justice and for the boy's own
benefit, should he not be held, ac
countable for the mean deception by
which he has Induced another to vio
late the law in order that he may
pander to his own depraved appetite?
Personal responsibility, moral re
sponsibility, if not developed in a
young man. before he Is 21 years old,
will probably be a minus quantity In
his character through life. If a youth
has no regard for his word of honor at
20, or even four years earlier, he is
not likely to develop that necessary
trait of good citizenship a few years
later.
THE AMERICAN HUMORIST.
Like a hungry starfish clinging to a
barnacle-covered piling, long after the
tide has run seaward, and left it ex
posed to the sunlight, our old friend
the American Economist still sticks to
the standpat doctrine of the tariff
protected trust barnacles. Not all the
gods of ancient mythology or modern
paganism excited in their worshipers
such reverence as the Economist dis
plays for the saered tariff. In the
mind of the Economist editor no
greater calamity could befall the
American people than to have them
lay profane hands on this sacred Idol.
The German tariff agreement has filled
the Economist with dire forebodings
for the future, and its comments
thereon contain much unconscious hu
mor; at least the comment Is humor
ous to those who have long since dis
covered that the tariff Idol was made
of a grade of clay so common that it
was mostly dried mud and easily shat
tered by any argument containing
facts and common sense.
The Economist has made the start
ling discovery that the desire of the
Germans "to cultivate amicable tariff
relations is simply the desire to cap
ture the largest possible share of this
great consuming market." Hoch der
Kaiser! Tou are discovered, Germany.
We thought you wanted "amicable
tariff relations" for the purpose of de
creasing your trade with this country,
or to file away in a pigeonhole for fu
ture reference; but, alas and alack,
you simply wanted to do business with
us. But cheer up, the worst is yet to
come, for the Economist gravely con
tinues: "They will take from us what
they must have, and only that, and
they will not give us In return a sin
gle advantage that conflicts with their
own industrial success."
How unkind and unjust in Germany
to take from us only "what they must
have" instead of everything 'we might
want to sell them. The Economist
should call the referendum on our
Teutonic friends and make them take
not only "what they must have," but
whatever we want them to have. The
greater part of the stuff that we are
selling them is foodstuffs. Now. if the
Kaiser really believes in fair play, let
him get the Reichstag together and
pass a law compelling his people to
increase the consumption of these
American products. Let 'em sit up
nights if necessary, to get away with
something more than "what they must
have." The dreadful tariff agreement,
which has set the Economist eye in "a
fine frenzy rolling," has been in oper
ation since July 1, 1907. Statistics are
at hand for the first seven months of
that period, and. in view of the discus
sion it has provoked, the figures are
Interesting. They are supplied by the
Bureau of Statistics of the Department
of Commerce and Labor, and for the
seven months ending January 31,
1908. show imports from Germany of
J94.223.835, and exports to Germany
of a value of $184,607,983.
The figures for the same period, be
fore we entered into "amicable tariff
relations," were: Imports, $96,533,
535, and exports $162,206,410. In other
words, the Germans bought $21,000.
000 worth more goods than they did
before the agreement became effective,
and for the same period our purchases
were more than $2,000,000 less than a
year ago. This ratio of Increase and
decrease may not continue in evidence
every year, but the showing shatters
the Economist's pet theory that we are
suffering because we extended to a
friendly nation fair and honorable
trade treatment. -
MR. BR VAX AND HIS PLATFORM.
The Nebraska Democrats had a
magnificent day at Omaha last Thurs
day. From morning till night Mr.
Bryan walked about m a blaze of glory
belauded by rapturous thousands and
enjoying to the full the privilege so
precious to him of making speeches
without end, to say nothing of plat
forms. If frantic enthusiasm could
make a President of the United
States we should all sit down' In the
certainty that Mr. Bryan is to be the
next one, for it is inconceivable that
enthusiasm can ever be more abun
dant or more furious than that of the
Nebraska Democrats. Probably Mr.
Bryan's delight In the occasion was
complete. If it was marred at all it
must have been by the reflection that
in Nebraska Democratic votes are as
scarce as enthusiasm is plentiful, but
even this chilling thought may have
been eluded by an agile imagination
such as Mr. Bryan possesses.
The platform which he vouchsafed
to his shouting worshipers reads a
good deal as if it had been copied
from that of the Ohio Republicans;
though perish the suspicion that we
could accuse the peerless one of pla
giarism. We fancy rather that the
Ideas' which both parties are trying to
seize upon and exclusively appropriate
are floating about in the air and be
long as a matter of fact to the spirit
of the times and the American people
as a whole. Mr. Bryan claims them
by right of discovery and Mr. Roose
velt by right of use. The plain citizen
is content to concede that both are
correct and desires nothing better than
to see the two parties engaged in gen
erous rivalry to put down special privi
lege and exalt the rights of the com
mon to life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness. If the time has really
come when politicians of all classes
and colors find it to their profit' to
stand for civilized ideas, the country
will rejoice without caring much who
first discovered them.
Overlooking some idle talk about
Thomas Jefferson and his trite max
ims, it takes close study to discrimi
nate between Republicanism in Ohio
and Democracy in Nebraska. Both
parties desire tariff reduction. The
followers of Bryan would remove all
duties from articles controlled by the
trusts; those of Taft would like to see
duties cut down to a figure that would
equalize the cost of production at
home and abroad. There is little dif
ference between the two demands.
Students of economics are aware that
In America the actual cost of produc
tion of most goods is less than it is in
Europe, or it would be If the duties on
raw materials were removed. Hence
the Taft tariff plank comes to about
the same thing as Bryan's. It is the
same way with the injunction issue.
The Ohio platform asks for such a
limitation of the court authority as
will prevent-abuses; the Nebraska de
mand is more specific. It would per
mit no injunction in labor cases to
Issue without notice and argument and
would grant a Jury trial when breach
of the injunction has not occurred In
the judge's actual presence. The only
difference is that one specifies the
abuses while the other speaks of them
in general terms.
Thus one might go through the two
platforms Item by item and easily con
vince himself that there Is little essen
tial difference between them. Substan
tially they declare for the same things
and the voter in choosing must look
to the men and historic impulses be
hind the platforms rather than to the
documents themselves. In other words,
the choice lies between the personali
ties of Mr. Taft and Mr. Bryan and
between the respective desires and
abilities of the rival parties to make
good their promises. Mr. Bryan Is in
error, of course, when he asserts that
his own party is united upon these
subjects while the Republicans are di
vided. The fact Is that both parties
are divided. In both of them an in
ternal struggle is going on between the
democratic and plutocratic impulses,
and it is no less violent in Mr. Bryan's
party than in Mr. Taft's. If the Re
publicans have been dominated by
plutocratic forces in recent years, their
subservience is but a temporary aber
ration from the historical trend of the
party, while on the other hand the
Democratic party was allied with the
slaveholding plutocracy at the birth of
Republicanism, and. with the sole ex
ception of Mr. Bryan, its most promi
nent figures belong today to the same
faith. Every strong Democratic paper
east of the Alleghanles is in close al
liance with the pirate syndicates and
eevry one of them is bitterly hostile to
Mr. Bryan. In such circumstances it
takes some resolution to say that the
party Is united. The last Democratic
President was wholly in sympathy
with the oligarchy of wealth, and he
is today a paid employe of the worst
exponent of criminal finance in the
country. But we have no wish to
press the subject so far as to appear
Impolite. If Mr. Bryan can believe
that his party is united upon the issue
of overthrowing privilege and destroy
ing the trusts, we congratulate him
upon his vigorous imagination and add
our regret that he did not select the
higher literature for his vocation in
stead of politics.
As to the destruction of the trusts,
Mr. Bryan is still wedded to his Idol.
His platform demands "such legisla
tion as will make private monopolies
impossible in the United States." There
is one way to destroy private monopo
lies, and only one. That way is to make
them public monopolies. This subject
has been thoroughly threshed out both
by reason and experience, and every
well-informed man knows that all talk
of annihilating trusts or combinations
Is worse than futile. Within the last
quarter century the structure of soci
ety has been reorganized on the foun
dation V co-operative industry and
trade. Today, in spite of, all opposi
tion, the tide sets in the same direc
tion more strongly than ever before.
The trusts cannot be annihilated, and,
if they could, to do so would be crim
inal folly. It would be as foolish as
to destroy our steam engines and dy
namos. The trusts cannot be destroyed
but they can be regulated, perhaps.
At any rate, regulation is the only ex
pedient that stands between trusts
owning the Nation and the Nation
owning the trusts.
Our local educational authorities are
conscientious and painstaking in the
discharge of the duties that have been
delegated to them by the taxpayers of
the district. The area of their juris
diction is large, the school buildings
are many, and the expenditures in
keeping those in repair that are al
ready built and In meeting the con
stantly Increasing demand for new
buildings are carefully but not parsi
moniously supervised. It Is believed
that the school buildings generally are
as safe as such structures can be made.
The janitors employed are steady, re
liable men, and the fire drills that take
place once in two weeks, with an oc
casional "extra," are conducted ac
cording to established rules and with
promptness and good discipline. The
always possible but wholly unexpected
fire is thus provided against with com
prehensive intelligence. Most of the
buildings are necessarily dry as tinder,
but with the vigilance that becomes
second nature to the teacher a sort
of sixth sense, ever on the alert and
the strict rules of the Board which
govern the schools down to the small
est details, it may be taken for grant
ed that provision for the welfare of
the children who attend the public
schools In this city Is carefully made
Second Assistant Postmaster-General
McCIeary has joined the ranks of
the subsidy-seekers. At a dinner in
New York Thursday night he fairly
trembled for the safety of the Amer
ican fleet passing through the Straits
of Magellan, because the auxiliary
fleet carrying coal was under a for
eign flag. "It is a matter of duty, of
high, imperative, duty, to change all
this," said he. The latter statement
is of course correct, but McCIeary, like
the rest of the subsidy-hunters, would
not change it by the logical business
like method that would be followed by
any other nation on earth. If he
would, and his companions in graft
would consent, the United States could
buy an auxiliary fleet ample for all
requirements at one-half what it would
cost to build and subsidize in this
country, and It would be rqady long
before there might be any danger of
war.
The American people are patient
and long-suffering. Were they not,
that female jawsmith, Emma Gold
man, would long ere this have been
deported to the land which profited by
her emigration to the United States.
The woman is apparently morally re
sponsible to a certain degree for the
death of the addle-pated degenerate
who was removed by Chief Snippy in
Chicago. The anarchistic mouthings
of this creature have been heard from
the Atlantic to the Pacific, and the ag
gregate amount of trouble that she has
stirred up probably exceeds that of
that other unwashed Old World ruf
fian, Herr Most. It is noticeable that
this country, in spite of the ravings of
the offscourings of Europe, is so at
tractive to them that they fight any
attempt to drive them out. In its
treatment of certain individuals it is
possible that Russia shows superior
Intelligence.
Forty thousand signatures have been
secured to a petition asking President
Roosevelt to pardon Captain Van
Schaick, who has been sentenced to
ten years In the penitentiary for crim
inal negligence in connection with the
burning of the excursion steamer Gen
eral Slocum. It seems hardly right
that the death of the thousand inno
cent victims of that .tragedy should go
unavenged, but as Captain Van
Schaick was made a scapegoat for
the owners and the venal Inspectors
who "passed" the steamer and her
equipment objection to his pardon
will be less pronounced than it would
have been had he alone been responsi
ble for the terrible disaster.
A fire in a Japanese city inevitably
assumes the status of a conflagration
in a short time. Fllmslly constructed,
of light and inflammable materials, the
dwellings of an entire village are often
consumed while the chattering Inhabi
tants are forming a bucket brigade for
the extinguishment of the flames.
An auto-maniac at Ormond Beach
drove his machine 300 miles at the
rate of seventy-seven miles per hour.
The only tangible result that is no
ticeable in the performance is the
demonstration that the fool-killer was
busy in other localities when the feat
was performed.
We have explored in vain the varied
resources of Statement No. 1, the initi
ative and referendum, proportional
representation and the recall, and we
can find nothing that quite covers the
sulphuretted hydrogen outrage. To
arms!
In limiting by ordinance the height
of shade trees to thirty feet, McMinn
vllle has taken a step backward. When
electric wires interfere with foliage,
put them underground. The trees
were there first.
How sore the bunch of transconti
nental tourists must feel when they
hear of another foreigner making seventy-seven
miles an hour with his au
tomobile. Milt Miller tells Bryan that the Ore
gon Democrats are for him to a man.
They are. But that comes a long way
from making Oregon unanimous.
From the start It was clear that
trouble between Japan and China is
inevitable. Seizing a ship is as bad as
calling a man a liar.
Now the Clackamas County Demo
crats come out strong for Statement
No. 1. Certainly. It's their pudding.
After the action of the Nebraska
Democratic Convention, it is useless
for Bryan to conceal his candidacy.
Not even the chronic kicker may
offer protest against the manner of
the arrival of March in Oregon.
THE STEFFENS TALE.
And the Jorta It Getn on lta WlT o
Kamr.
New York gun.
That most emotional and fallacious of
ethical professors. Mr. Lincoln Steffens,
has an article In the current number of the
American Magazine in which, under the
pretext of extolling a citizen of Oregon,
he gets his somewhat doubtful rake Into
the rich political soli of that sovereign
state. He draws a curious picture of dis
honesty and corruption in the midst of
which his hero. William T. U'Ren. pur
sues his calling as the lawgiver of Ore
gon. This Mr. U'Ren is certainly under
the most equivocal obligations to Mr.
Steffens, who not only makes him known
to us for the first time, but pictures him
as the most unmitigated scoundrel in the
state.
He Is a literary subject after Steffens'
own heart, because Steffens Is never so
strong or so felicitous as when he is de
picting a hero whose mouth is full of
moral aspirations and edifying senti
ments and whose practices are those of a
rogue and a demagogue. There is no
knavery or duplicity in politics of which
this U'Ren is not a passed master; at
least, that is what Steffens sets htm
forth to be, and Steffens ought to know
& rogue by this time. If any man in the
country knows one.
It is proper to admit that in accepting
Mr. Steffens' portrait of his friend U'Ren
one runs a certain danger. Steffens'
judgment is not to be implicitly trusted.
Any man who knows Dr. Watts' hymns
by heart and who can combine active
quotation with entire absence of con
science can get the better of Steffens.
U'Ren, therefore, may be nothing more
than a vulgar and commonplace hanger
on of Oregon politics Instead of the im
mense and minatory figure of Immorality
that Steffens draws. There is the more
incentive to this reservation when we
note how grievously he stumbles when
dealing with the leading moral force and
article of virtue in all Oregon. Harvey
W. Scott, Esq.. editor of The Oregonian.
He narrates how during the contest for
the United States Senatorship in 1903. on
the. last night of the legislative session,
Scott, being by way of being a candidate,
wrote the agreement below, which was
telegraphed from Portland to Salem by
William M. Ladd, Portland's leading
banker:
(Here follows the bogus statement
heretofore published.)
Steffens' credulity is discreditable.
Scott is a man absolutely Incapable of
such a thing. For 40 years, more or less,
he has proclaimed the implacability of
his own Immaculacy. Pay Bourne $25,000
for goods of such tenuity! Not on your
life!
HIGH EXPENSES AT COLLEGE.
Comparison of Averaare Outlay at Yale
and Wellesley.
Yale Alumni Weekly.
A patient investigator has compiled
the expenses of the young women
who graduated from Wellesley In the
class of 19u6, and has computed the
average Wellesley expense at from
$900 to $1000 a year; practically the
same result that has been found at
Yale. The lowest and the highest av
erage budgets are, however, in each
case higher than at Yale. Wellesley
girls spend $500 as an average lowest
cost of living for a year, as compared
with $472 for Yale men. The highest
Wellesley average Is $1547, as com
pared with $1465 for Yale. On the
other hand, Yale carries greater indi
vidual extremes than does Wellesley.
An economical Yale man can live for
a year on a cash outlay of $300. A
lavish Yale man can spend $3000 and
more. No Wellesley girl goes as far
in either direction as these antipodal
Yale men. The average poorest Wel
lesley girls spend $175 for tuition, $125
for room and board, $95 for clothes, $5
tor laundry, $36 for traveling, $22 for
books and $40 for pleasure and inci
dentals. The average poorest Yale
student will spend $90 for tuition, $186
for room and board, $51 for clothes.
$15 for laundry, $30 for traveling. $32
for textbooks and $74 for amusements.
The poor Yale man pays more for
board, about half as much for clothes,
three times as much for laundry, a
third more for textbooks, and nearly
twice as much fop amusement as does
his equally restricted Wellesley cousin.
In the same computation the cost of
living of the average wealthiest Wel
lesley and Yale students Is worked out.
The Wellesley girl who is in the most
expensive class spends $275 for room
and board, as against $344 for the av
erage wealthiest Yale man; $447 for
clothes, as compared with the Yale
man's $226; $173 for traveling to $112
for the Yale man; $47 for books, as
against $63; and $341 for pleasure, as
compared with $511 for the Yale man.
Upon two equally expensive offspring
who come into the highest class his
daughter at Wellesley and his son at
Yale the fond parent will spend
$1547 on the girl and $1465 on the boy
(the averages). The boy's room and
board will cost a fourth more than the
girl's, his clothes will cost about half
as much, his traveling will be a third
less, his books over twice as much,
and his expenses half as much again.
Europe's Way of I' sing Carfender.
Technical World Maeazine.
Projecting carfenders hav met with
little favor in Europe, either from com
panies or from public authorities, be
cause they have been found to do more
harm than good by tripping people up
and injuring them. The best protec
tion appears to be afforded by cover
ing the dasher with some flexible
guard, which will cover up sharp cor
ners and afford something to grasp, as
In Berlin, and, if one Is knocked down,
to depend on the Liverpool plow-wheel
guard to push the person to one side
off the rails. This Liverpool fender
Is an unpatented device, adopted six
years ago by the late tramway man
ager. Mr. Bellamy, and since its intro
duction 415 persons have been pushed
off the track without a single failure
and seldom with any injury. It con
sists imply of boards completely box
ing in the truck, with belting below
the bottom edge, and rubber hose on
the rounded ends of the long plows.
Yonnar Gates Bays Texas Ranch,
New York Press.
Charles Gates, son of John W. Gates,
has bought a ranch of 61,000 acres In
Texas for $610,000.
Canned Sxrlteinent.
Nashville American. '
Llkt) to ee a melodrama.
Something- doing all the time,
Loot and plunder, blood and thunder
And a medley of crime;
There' the hero In distraction.
With hie fortune running- slow.
And the killing of the villain
To the music soft and low.
Out the heroine steps lightly
To the center of the stage.
Sweet sixteen, or the demeanor
Of a maiden of that aire.
Then the plot beglna to thicken
As the villain s&lla In view.
Under cover of her lover
He begins the girl to woo.
Nothing doing for the hero
At this section of the plot.
His intention have dimensions.
But ther do not take the pot.
For the villain does a murder.
Burns a will he doesn't need.
And he nearly prove It clearly
That the hero did the deed.
Ah. but right turns up triumphant.
And the wrong is put to rout,
JuM ss certain as the curtain.
And the villain loses out.
And the hero takes the lady
BT the dainty little mitt.
And the audience In raptur
lsea up and throw a fit.
BREAKING IX ON FUTON'S DINNER
Senator Clap) Scatter Rlster at Ore
atonlam'a Saltnos Repast.
WASHINGTON', Feb. 25. Senator
Fulton came near to breaking up the
session of the United States Senate
today. He gave his annual dinner of
Oregon salmon. Senator Clapp, chained
to his seat by duty, took revenge on
the Senator from Oregon. As a re
sult he broke up the Fulton fish dinner.
Senator Fulton had scarcely entered
the chamber today, when he began
tiptoeing from seat to seat. . He
whispered here and there, and almost
to a man those In whose ears . he
breathed his confidences brightened
perceptibly. He was inviting them
to the annual salmon dinner, which
even then was spread In the Senate
Testaurant.
There were two ' exceptions. One
was Senator Clapp, the other was
Senator Teller, whose devotion to duty
no salmon could shake.
Down In the restaurant all was
merriment. Senator Depew was hold
ing out his plate for a second helping
and at the same time telling one of his
jokes to Senator Aldrich. The latter
was discussing a bit of celery in the
way of a change from the Currency
bill, when a white-faced courier
dashed In.
"Pardon me." he gasped, "but Sena
tor Clapp -has raised the point of 'no
quorum." A roll call is about to be or
dered." An was confusion. It would never
do to have their constituents learn ttat
Senators could so unblusuingly substi
tute dinner for duty. Senator Guggen
heim rose so hastily that he tipped
over his chair, and collided with Sena
tor Heyburn.
The race was on. Down the corri
dors the dignified members raced,
scattering exclamations and napkins
as they went. It was nip and tuck to
the private elevator, where the crowd
Jammed.
When the roll was announced It was
found that 46 Senators were present.
This was one more 4han a quorum,
there being 82 seats in the Senate,
with one vacancy, caused by the re
cent death of Senator Latimer. When
the few unabashed spirits returned to
the fish feast the dishes were cold.
Clapp Is not nearly so popular as he
was.
VARIETY OF VIEWS ON ROOSEVELT
Tboae Who Like Hlin, Like Hlmt Those
Who Don't, U,s t.
Brooklyn Eagle.
Up to the hour of going to press today,
President Roosevelt, In the opinion of all
Republicans, was doing "as well as could
be expected." By those Republicans who
worship him that was perfectly well. By
those Republicans who hate him, that
was infernally ill. By those Republicans
who now fear him that was about half-and-half.
By those Republicans who
Just analyze him, that waa a still con
jectural quantity, the scale being evenly
swayed between goodness of intent and
irritability of temperamenr.
The alienated Republicans, who are ab
solutely against Mr. Roosevelt, are for
even Mr. Bryan as against Mr. Roose
velt, not because they like or trust Mr.
Bryan, but because they believe that a
Republican Senate would hopple him or
hamstring him for four years and Mr.
Roosevelt would be down and out, any
way. We state these points of view, not to
Indorse any of them, but only to note the
variety of conclusions with which the
President inspires or afflicts his be
wildered party. He may or may not be a
versatile man. He is certainly the cause
of versatility of feeling among other
Republicans. We sometimes think that
Mr. Roosevelt has. a great deal of fun.
In contemplating the effect of himself on
his fellow-Republicans. The effect of
some of them on him is not disguised,
when they Incense or inspire him to one
of those brief and pithy messages, 23
columns long. The. type is minion. The
enemies are always minions or even
worse.
WATTERSOX OFFERS TO BET.
Has Confidence In Bryan's Ability to
Brat Tart In lrcldenlnl Race.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
This promises to be a hard year. If
Mr. Taft be the Republican nominee and
it seems likely that in this the President
will have his way we believe Mr. Bryan
will beat him.
The Forakr schism makes Ohio a
debatable state. The colored vote of the
North, which, lost to the Republicans,
will mean the loss of the great states
of the Middle West, with New- York
thrown in, can scarcely be united on the
Secretary of War. There is every rea
son to believe he will lose the larger part
of the organized labor vote. But there
rises before him a greater factor still to
be reckoned with; and that is the silent,
business end of it the money end of It
even predatory wealth which will see in
Taft the continuation of Roosevelt, with
a Republican Senate reduced to obedi
ence, but in Bryan no danger whatever,
a Republican Senate, justified in Its re
calcitrancy, to stand a stone wall be
tween Bryan and the success of any of
th Bryanized Roosevelt policies. At most
and worst, they will rightly conceive that
they only take chances with Bryan. With
Taft, triumphant and backed by Roose
velt, they will have no chance at all.
The Courier-Journal. therefore. In
creases that bet of half a dollar to a
dollar and a half that Bryan will be the
next President of the United States.
Here's to Mayor I.ne.
Western Oregon (Cottage Grove.)
Mayor Lane, of Portland, has been
vindicated. The outcome of the case is
certainly a warning to those brutal wom
en who are going about the country
making criminal attack upon delicate and
unprotected men. The idea that in the
City of Portland; the city of reform,
under a reform administration, the very
head and front of the reform administra
tion should be attacked by one of those
cruel, designing women! For days and
days, no doubt, this monstrous, base, de
signing woman had deliberately plotted
the gentle Mayor's undoing and the
filching of his virtue. Think of it. None
of us know what moment some lustful
female may dash into our office, where
we have retired all by our lone, for a
moment's rest, being worn with the cares
of strenuous reform life, turn the key in
the door, throw It out of the window,
and then. In fiendish and brutal glee
molest our person. Alas, "nothing can
we call our own, but death."
No PrlvIleKeM.
Chicago Tribune.
The business agent stuck his head
inside the shop door. A solitary man
waa at work.
"What are you doing here?" he de
manded. "Don't you know this Is a
holiday?"
"Not for me." answered the solitary
man, without looking up from his work.
"I'm the boss."
Popular Appeal.
Washington Star.
"Isn't your speech a little ungrammat
lcal here and there?"
"Perhaps." answered Senator Sorghum;
"but, you see. I've got to keep It from
being too severely grammatical. Some of
my constituents might think I was trying
to put on airs."
There's Many a Slip, Etc.
Woodburn Independent.
Marshal Riddle relieved two men Sun
day of a full bottle of whisky just as
they were about to place it to their
parched Hps. An arrest will probably be
made.
SILHOUETTES
BY NANCY L.EK.
Mother Gooae ModrrsUrd.
Little Misa Muffct
"W ent to a buffet
And ordered a cafe au lait;
A lobster espied her
And sat down beside hpr.
Bo she changed to a champagne frappe.
Don't censure the lettercarrlcr for his
delay in delivering the mall. Remenvber
how many interesting postal cards he has
to look at and read.
Of all sad words of tongue or pen..
The saddest are these; "fm stung again."
The baseball season is approaching and
we may shortly expect to hear of fright
ful mortality among office boys' grand
mothers. More Mother Gooie to Date.
A diller, a dollar,
A scream and a holler.
Oh! what can be amiss? "
A dear little maid
Is sorely afraid.
For she's getting her very first kiss
Nearly.
ItultatiuMw
Mother What are you doing to that
pretty doll, my dear?
Child I' ja just going to put her to bed.!
mamma. I've taken oft her hair, but I:
can't get her teeth out.
-Iove"o
Hybla.
My thoughts fly to thee, as the bees.
To find their favorite flower;
Then home with honeyed memorle
Of many a fragrant hour.
For with thee la the, place apart,
Where sunshine ever dwells.
The Hybla where my hoarding heart !
"Would fill its Wintry cells.
At the railroad station of an Oregon
town, on a brilliant sunshiny day, sat a
dog howling vociferously. As a west
bound train steamed up, the howling still'
continued as a number of passengers
alighted. Annoyed toy the barking, an
Eastern woman Inquired of an old farmer,
"What In the world Is that dog howling
about?" "Oh," replied the Oregon tiller,
of the soil, "it's the first time he's seen1
the sun; he's only three months old." ,
Centenarians are by no means rare, and
we frequently hear of Oregon i an s reach
ing the age of 110 and 130 years. The.
obituary announcements are invariably:
accompanied by eulogistic, mention of the
exemplary lives they have led. But,
considering the longevity, one Is forced to
suspect they have lived a double life.
Mr. Bogus Have a cigar, old man?
They're good ones; two for a quarter.
Friend (after having smoked for a min
ute) Sorry, Bogus, that I didn't draw
the twenty-cent one.
-
A love letter is a legal document you
refuse to identify when you are place a
on a witness stand.
These are days of ideal weather, re
minding one of mid-Spring. Let us hope
that meters for the gas heaters are not
failing to take cognizance of the fact.
.r '
'Ex-President James J. Hill, of the
Great Northern, was always a most exact
man in matters of detail connected with
hi road, but he also found time to be
a practical farmer and liked to talk farm
ing with his friends from the country
who came to call. One day the. talk,
drifted to the relative merits of wet and
dry mash, food for pigs, his friend con-,
tending that the best results were ob
tained by feeding dry mash, but that it
took the pigs a longer time to eat it
than the wet mash. Mr. Hill thought for:
a minute and then asked, pertinently,'
'What's the pig's time worth?
"Do you believe It is easier for a camel
to go through the eye of a needle than
for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of
Heaven?"
"Why not? My wife is an unusually large
woman, but every night she goes throich,
my pockets.
. OCR FOREIGA POSSESSIONS.
And Their Poanlhle Influence In the
Republican National Convention.
From Washington Letter to the Boston
Herald.
Some Washington politicians of the
leisure class are speculating whether
Hawaii or the Philippines or Porto Rico
or all of them together will make the
next President of the United States. As
these Insular accessions to the flag have
nary a vote at the November elections,
the prospect, at first blush, might seem
IH-founded. However, there is another
way to look at the proposition, which is
the angle the leisure politicians are tak
ing. With a legion of contesting delegations
from the South, the nearly evenly
matched Taft and antl-Taft factions of
the Republican National committee would
come very close ,,to deciding whether the
Secretary of War or some other shall be'
nominated. For if the anti-Taft members
control the committee, the contesting Taft
delegates from the South will have treat
ment -hardly less soothing than a swift
kick and vice-versa. Hawaii has Na
tional committeeman, with just as much
voting power as has New York or Mas
sachusetts. Ditto the Philippines and
Porto Rico. No three votes are apt to be
dcaplsed when a coterie of very eminent
Government officials and likewise a co
terie of eminent anti-Tafters ajre gum
shoeing around strengthening their posi
tions with that committee. It could easily
happen that the insular committeemen
would turn the balance of power one
way or the other, which might mean Taft
or some other, or which might result in
the nomination of a Republican, whether
it be Taft or a rival, who could not be
elected.
The Democracy was subjected to a
somewhat similar predicament at Kansas
City in 1900 when Prince David, of the
royal Hawaiian line of dusky kings and
queens, held the balance in the resolutions
committee and committPd the party to a
reiteration of -the Bryanite silver plank.
Then and Now.
St. Tuis Globe-Democrat.
I might have ben a "bard sublime."
Cake-walking- down the hails of time,
If I had lived In that (Treat age
When poets took to write a pajre
At least a year; another spent
Correcting proof pot what they meant
"Set up" and upelled as they intended,
Bo that their thoimhts sublime and splendid.
Were not marred by that modern terror
The bane of poets printer's error.
No wonder those old poets shame us.
No wonder they are great and famous!
They had the talent and the time .
To polish even" bit of rhyme;
perfect It. send it down the ajpes
As It should be. But then thIr wajsea!
Alas! They'd cents where we have dollars.
Wore rags and went without their collart
perhaps we're better off than they
At lea?t we do net better pay.
Our verse may limp on crippled feet.
But then we get enough to eat.
Let printers spoil our chance fnr fame,
We get the money, just the same.