6
THE MORNING OREGONIAN. MONDAY, AUGUST 12, 1907.
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DELIVERANCE FOB THE RAILROADS.
The Standard Oil Company has not
been merely a robber of the public; it
has also robbed the railroads through
which it has robbed the public. It has
played one railroad against another, for
lower rates, than other shippers could
obtain, and then has played Its pipe lines
against railroads in general wherever
the pipe lines could be constructed. The
rights for these pipe lines it has ob
tained through bribery of Legislatures,
through seizure and use of the power
of eminent domain, through hire of po
litical bosses, through corruption of
Municipal Councils, through division of
"moieties of spoil, with venality in
-1...,.wvflro ' 1
It has long been notorious that the
railroads, even the greatest of them,
have quailed before the power of this
corporation. The business it could con
trol has been great enough to amount
to a prime (actor in the table of earn
ings, and rebates have been the method
or the weapon which railroads have
felt obliged to use to keep business
away from rivals. This, indeed. Is pre
sented by offending railroads as their
excuse; not officially, perhaps, but by
admission as a fact. It accounts for
the dealings of the Alton with Standard
Oil, recently uncovered; but this sys
tem has been in operation more than
thirty years. It is not now so flagrant
as it once was, for It has een checked
In large degree by recent efforts of law
ful authority tostop it. But it still
continues unless, indeed, recent events
have caused its discontinuance. It was
the main stroke of policy from the first
by which this colossus of robbery built
up Its pre-eminence over everything
else in the country; till people who had
money for investment, or had the rage
of speculation, rushed madly after its
stock, at unheard-of prices.
That corruption of individual railroad
officials, through some division of the
plunder, was Incidental to this busi
ness is probable. But these instances
may have been rarer than the public
would suppose. Most of the rebates
granted by the railroad men were prob
ably consequences of the competition
between railroads. The secrets' were
well kept by all the parties, or by most
of them, and only appear, or mainly
are seen, in their consequences, namely,
the disappearance from business of the
competitors of Standard Oil and the
fapulous profits made by the company.
The railroads often did the work at
rates which left them small profits or
none, but they kept the business away
from competing railroads. Thus, great
railway systems, like the Pennsylvania
and New York Central, natural com
petitors, contended with each other for
Standard Oil business, and were played
against each other by a monopoly
great enough to intimidate both of
them. As a further weapon Standard
Oil established pipe lines wherever
practicable, and used them to hammer
the railroads still more. Rights for the
pipe lines were obtained through pur
chase of franchises, legislative action
secured through employment of politi
cal bosses, and miscellaneous corrup
tion. ,
Under the system of secrecy In rail
road affairs which has so long existed
the railroads could not trust each other,
and each has had to deal with the rob
ber how It could; well knowing, never
theless, that the robber was playing
each, and all of the railroads against
each and all. But the authority of the
Government, exercised through the in
terstate commerce law, will now be
pushed till all secrets are opened. An
Inspection as thorough as that to which
the National bank system is subjected
will be necessary. In order to clean
up this business and keep it clean. The
railroads ought to welcome the gov
ernmental regulation and the official
publicity. It will deliver them from
this extortioner and all others; and
from the censure of the people also,
whose censure falls chiefly on the rail
roads and always first on them, be
cause the public can't see the original
scoundrel and scoundrellsm behind the
transaction. Help of the Government
to abolish the conditions that make re
bates possible, and even force the rail
roads to grant them, should be a boon
to the railroads as well aa to all legit
imate business. 1
' FOR AMERICA'S GOOD.
Now comes the sorrowful news that
John W. Gates, the most spectacular
gambler that ever Invaded the Wall
street shearing pens, Is ' to leave the
United States forever and take up his
residence in Bngland. The departure
of Mr. Gates, like that of Richard Cro
ker, Jimmy Hyde, Willy Wally Astor
and numerous other prominent Ameri
cans, will be a matter of sincere regret
to a great many Americans who are
willing to live In America- This regret
Is not due to the fact that John W.
Gates is a big, coarse, vulgar gambler,
that Croker was a thief, Hyde a fool
and Astor a nincompoop with an In
eradicable desire to become a lickspittle
to royalty. The predominating traits
In the characters of theffe exiled Amer
icans were not of a character that en
deared them to their fellow-men to
such an extent that tears were shed at
the parting.
The regret over their leaving and
taking up permanent residence in Eu
rope is due to the deep-seated belief In
the European mind that these men are
typical Americans. The average Euro
pean who moves in good circles of soci
ety knows but little about Richard
Croker except that he was an ignorant
grafter who fled from the United States
In fear of Indictment for his misdeeds.
This grafting was about the only thing
In Croker's life that gave him a place
In the public prints, and it is accord
ingly about the only thing the foreign
ers know about him. They know that
Jhe one bright and shining deed In
Jimmy Hyde's butterfly life was the
giving of a monkey dinner. They know
that Astor, the ungrateful traitor, said
that the land which gave him birth
and wealth was "unfit for a gentleman
to live In." Gates probably has more
brains than any of the exiles men
tioned, but his propensity to "bet a mil
lion dollars" is the best known of his
traits in England.
The American gentleman who be
lieves that America is the best country
on earth does not tarry long In the
ruins of the Old World, and the Euro
pean thus fails to get acquainted with
the typical American, who is a credit
to his race. About the only Americans
that can be studied at close range and
for more than a few days at a time are
those of the type mentioned. It, of
course, clears the social atmosphere to
get rid of these un-American Ameri
cans, but it would seem that something
should be done to protect the reputa
tion of the real Americans who travel
in Europe. A genuine American has as
great an aversion to being classed with
men of the Gates-Croker et al. stripe as
the real English gentleman has to be
ing placed on a level with the disso
lute remittance men who represent
Great Britain in so many American
cities. Perhaps, however, the advan
tage in getting such men as those men
tioned out of the country should be re
garded as an offset for the unfavorable
sentiment theywlll create against real
Americans.
A LAY SERMON.
In the opinion of a visiting evangelist.
lately spoken In this city, that which is
needed for turnlng the world Into ways
of .righteousness and peace is less bab
bling about religion and more right
eous living, less confusion of tongues
and more simplicity of speech; less
laudation of the saints of history and
tradition and greater appreciation of
the efforts in the moral vineyard of
the sincere, honest men uof today.
Taking for bis subject the story of
Zebedee, who neglected or refused to
leave his nets "being a fisherman," and
follow with his sons, James and John,
the Master In his journeylngs up' and
down the coast of Galilee, a minister
in this city a few months ago, drew a
lurid picture of the fate of this man
who stuck to his nets, repeating again
and again: "And so poor Zebedee was
lost." Most people of humane instincts
and reasoning minds will agree that it
would be wejl to let "poor Zebedee" rest
after these nearly 2000 years, and draw
lessons in morality and decent living,
from the examples that abound on
every hand today. "Poor Zebedee," ac
cording to the ecclesiastical estimate
noted was "lost" whatever that doleful
word may imply to tha orthodox mind
but appears, as far as the meager rec
ord shows, to have been a good man of
his kind. Being a fisherman and hav
ing a family to feed on fish, or on the
purchasing power of that staple of the
ancient Galilean coast, he could not
well afford to forsake his nets. His
two sons conceived It to fee their duty
to abandon their father and his calling;
somebody had to look after the family
livelihood, and who was so competent
to do this as the faithful Zebedee?
If we must go back 2000 years for ex
amples of human life and effort, from
which to draw lessons for the guidance
of mankind, it might not be amiss to
reeall the fact that Zebedee a fisher
man by occupation realizing his re
sponsibilities as the head of a family
and finding that his nets needed mend
ing, remained at his task, in faithful
performance of the duty nearest to him,
while his sons, yielding to what ap
pears to have been a popular clarnor,
or an emotional condition, left him to
do the work alone. Here, indeed. Is
an example of Individual responsibility
and of the faithful performance of a
simple but exacting duty that it may
not be unprofitable to cite.
One is fain to commend the demand
for sermons that, void alike ' of creed
and sensationalism, deal with men and
motives that live In and govern the
world today. It Is well to drop the
plaint, "Alas, poor Zebedee," and
point to the Rockefellers and the Har
rimans, the Thaws and the Coreys; the
Puters and the Schmltzes- and others of
the indecent or venal crew, as men
whose methods it would be in the In
terest of common honesty or common
decency to shun.
NO FAREWELL TO ROOSEVELT. :
Few occasions are offered these days
for "utterances from the White House,
and it would seem that the accumula
tion of thoughts should promise some
thing unusually rich, when the next
public address shall be heard. If no
other opportu.'rTty presents Itself. Presi
dent Roosevelt will shortly be called
upon to make a final refusal of renom
Ination, and on that occasion he Bhould
be able to deliver the most powerful of
his many strong addresses. His ene
mies, who have accused him of thrice
refusing a crown which they believe he
covets, may find something in his final
refusal that will be racy reading for
them. Roosevelt has never been afraid
to say what he thinks, and his thought
and manner of expression have never
lacked force. He is not to retire) from
politics; hence one need not expect the
quiet, admonishing tones that were
heard when Washington delivered his
farewell address. There will be no
farewell about It Whoever may be the
next President. Roosevelt will still be
the greatest and most Influential Amer
ican citizen. That he will retire Is un
doubtedly the wish of evil men. but
their wish can hardly lead to expec
tancy. THE WIRELESS WONDER.
The local ' Weather Bureau, through
its wireless station at North Head,
yesterday received a message from a
Government transport over 500 miles
southwest of San Francisco, or approx
imately 1000 miles from the station
where It was received. A few weeks
ago the same station received a wire
less message from the steamship Presi
dent, en route from Nome for Seattle,
and at the time of the sending of the
message 1400 miles from North Head.
The message received yesterday was of
no great Importance, as it merely con
veyed the Intelligence that the trans
port was in fine weather with a slight
northwest wind and all well on board.
It demonstrated quite clearly, however,
the value of the system at times when
communication with the shore becomes
a matter of life or death. Wireless
telegraphy has come Into such general
use on the Atlantic that none of the
passenger steamers ' are without the
necessary equipment, and on many of
the freight steamers the apparatus has
been installed.
This enables steamers to summon as
sistance when in trouble, to report
weather conditions to other steamers,
to receive delayed or new orders hun
dreds of miles at sea, and in many
other ways facilitate the movement of
commerce and add to the comfort and
convenience of the traveling public.
Aside from Its direct value to the marl
time interests on this Coast, the equip
ment of all of the steamers with wire
less apparatus would be of Inestimable
value to the Industries on shore in
which the condition of the weather la
a factor. The Weather Bureau fore
casts are years past the experimental
stage, and are now regarded with the
greatest confidence by, shipping people
as well as by farmers. Along the Pa
cific Coast the weak point in the pre
dictions has always been the lack of
Information from beyond the shore line.
A storm or period of bad weather ap
proaching from north, south or east is
always observed by some of the sta
tions and the warning sent ahead to
other stations which lie in the path of
the trouble. In this way shipmasters are
given plenty of time to prepare for the
blow and farmers can govern their
movements regarding their crops. The
west, however, aside from an occa
sional message from the few steamers
equipped with wireless, is not yet in
a position to send any of these storm
warnings, and usually It is very diffi
cult for the Weather Bureau to predict
with any great degree of accuracy dis
turbances which have their origin far
out at sea. With all of the important
steamers equipped with this modern
appliance for shore communication,
there would be an improvement In the
weather reporting service which would
be of value along the entire Pacific
Coast. . Each year witnesses large In
creases in the number of steamers en
gaged on all routes out of Pacific Coast
ports, and :f more of them were pro
vided with wireless equipment, life and
property at sea would be much safer.
Had the steamer Pelican, which
sailed from Tacoma for the Orient a
few years ago and was never heard
from afterward, been provided with
wireless instruments, help could have
been sent her, and some and perhaps
all of the crew saved. A bottle qpes
sage giving the latitude and longitude
in which she foundered and stating that
the crew were leaving In boats was
picked up months afterward, too late
for the Information it contained to toe
of any use for relief parties. Now that
the Pacific Coast Company has set the
pace with their new steamers President
and Governor, and the advantages of
being In constant communication with
the shore are so apparent, other lines
will perhaps follow sult A general ex
tension of the service will prevent loss
of life and property at sea, and will be
of inestimable value to tha agricultural
industry on shore. The North Head
station is admirably located for the
work,-and with its direct cable com
munication with Portland the service
could be kept up to a high degree of,
efficiency.
PEST OF CODLIN MOTH.
It Is stated that the most valuable
paper presented before a horticultural
society in this state for years was that
of Mr. G. W. Taylor, read before a con
vention of fruitgrowers In Medford a
few days ago, the subject being the
codlln moth. This moth and its dis
gusting progeny is pre-eminently the
pest of applegrowlng. Its extermina
tion has been for years the orchardlst's
most earnest desire. Methods looking
to a realization of this desire have been
pursu? with unflagging seal by com
mercial applegrowers. The old family
orchard, mossgrown, unpruned and un
cultivated, has been, and in many lo
calities still is, the despair of this class
of orchardisis, since a dozen trees thus
neglected affords safe harbor ' for
enough eggs of this prolific pest to in
fect clean apple trees for miles around.
Only through the destruction of such
trees fair examples of wilch may be
seen in the old Lovejoy orchard, on the
Clackamas River, a short distance
north of Oregon City in conjunction
with persistent and intelligent spray
ing, as directed by the State Board of
Horticulture, can this pest of pests be
controlled. This statement Is but "iter
ation hammered on the ear," but it will
be necessary to repeat it as long as old
orchards provide safe harbors for the
codlln moth an as long as careless
farmers, to whom the apple crop is of
minor consideration, neglect to destroy
or clean up their old orchards.
The first Monday in September is the
day set apart by statute as Labor day
In this state. The date falls on the" sec
ond day of the month this, year, and,
pursuant to custom. Governor Cham
berlain has issued a proclamation call
ing attention to this fact. The statute
is not mandatory. That is to say, any
one can work on Labor day who wants
to do so without being subject to the
charge of misdemeanor, but no busi
ness of a legal nature can be trans
acted on that day. Hence bankers,
county ' and city officials and other
horny-handed sons- of toll will get a
much-needed rest. As work is pressing
in many of the lighter vocations that
of building and harvesting, for exam
ple some persons engaged therein will
probably work as usual on that day.
As for the rest the great rank and file
of the union labor host they will take
their ungrudged holiday, and, if not
too tired from the strenuous exertion
of the occasion, will report for duty
Tuesday morning, September 3, glad in
their hearts that it is over.
An auto dealer rushing to the defense
of the infant prodigies who drive big
cars through our crowded streets as
sures the public that there are a large
number of these Juvenile chauffeurs of
both sexes, under 18 years of age, who
are perfectly qualified to handle auto
mobiles. ' There .would be an equal de
gree of truth in the statement that
these youngsters were qualified to han
dle locomotives, which seldom exceed
the speed at Which some of these auto
mobiles are driven and have a clear
track to run on. But the railroad com
panies, who own the locomotives, do
not intrust them to the infant prodi
gies. The youngsters may get along all
right so long as danger is not encoun
tered, but the ability to think and act
quickly and with good judgment in
emergencies, where delay or Indecision
means death, is found less frequently
in children than in old experienced men.
It is needless to mention that in auto
mobillng it is when one of those emer
gencies arise that the accident happens.
Quantrell, the guerrilla, has 'been dis
covered again, this time up on the far
end of Vancouver Island, on the shores
of Quatsino Sound. For the first fif
teen or twenty years after the war the
favorite places for discovering Quan
trell, who was killed shortly after the
war closed, were through the Middle
West and Southwest. In recent years
he has been discovered most frequently
In the West, his last previous discovery
being at Walla Walla. The next time
he is discovered the discoverer should
Inquire after the wandering Jew. If
half these stories of Quantrell are true,
or any of them are half true, he and
the wandering Israelite must have "met
up" somewhere along the road.
'The old practice of locating an in
definite number of settlers on the same
claim is again being Indulged In by
some of the unscrupulous locators who
are reaping a rich harvest from the
large crop of victims who are filing on
railroad lands. The only satisfaction
which now seems possible for the un
fortunates who are paying locating fees
is that, so far as securing the land Is
concerned, the last man down has
about as good a chance as the one who
filed first. It should be noted that the
Southern Pacific Is still selling these
lands to shrewd business men for a
great deal more money than the victims
of the locators expect to pay.
The slaughter of elk on the Molalla
is the most wanton violation of the
game laws in this state that has been
reported for years. During but one
month of the entire year, between Sep
tember IS and October 15, is it lawful
to kill elk. The killing is then restrict
ed to one elk for each hunter. In view
of the fact that the elk Is fast follow
ing the buffalo on the way to extinc
tion, it may be regretted that there is
even one month in the year, in which
they may be killed. The necessity of
killing, elk for their meat has passed
with other necessities of pioneer life.
The shifting current at the mouth of
the river has worn a channel -on both
sides of the old breakwater placed at
the mouth of the Willamette many
years ago. As a result, the remnants
of that old improvement, now -several
feet unuer water, are a continual men
ace to navigation, and should be re
moved. Had this old submerged piece
of breakwater been out of the way, the
City of Panama-Alliance collision
would not have happened. So long as
it remains there -Is liability of damage
to vessels going in and out of the river,
especially If the craft are slow in an
swering their helms.
Senator Bailey, of Texas, has Just
paid $150,000 for a farm on which three
oil wells have begun spouting. The in
teresting campaign literature placed in
circulation by the opposition the last
time the Senator was a candidate pre
cludes the necessity at this time of any
one pointing the finger of scorn at him
and asking "Where did he get the
money," As the record shows. Senator
Bailey always was partial to oil.
It is . not necessary to place much
credence In the assertion that the clos
ing of so many gambling joints will
compel a lot of persons to go to work.
Never fear that these habitues of gam
bling-houses, turned loose on the labor
market, will cause any depression
therein, .thereof or thereabout.
Governor Vardaman complains that
the Republican vote in Mississippi de
cided the issue between himself and
John Sharp Williams. Hooray for the
Republican vote of Mississippi! It
"gets there" at last. There are, in fact,
several thousand white Republicans in
Mississippi.
Theater bands playing in the streets,
steam whistles, church bells, cry of
hotel runners, of chapmen, 'hucksters,
cabmen and all unnecessary noises,
ought to be prohibited in this city, as
such things are or Bhould be in all
cities that grow to importance. There
are noises enough that are unavoidable.
Well; we are getting perfect weather
again throughout the Northwest, and
even If we shall be unable to hear from
the outside world we shall be happy In
taking care of the biggest and best
crops we ever have known, and in
minding our own business generally.
When General Manager O'Brien
meets Harriman at Salt Lake this week
he may do something toward neutraliz
ing the influence of Stubbs et al. by
pointing out Portland's situation on the
map.
Now that whales are dally disport
ing themselves at Newport Beach, It
behooves Dan Moore and the O. R. &
N. to get up a counter attraction at
Clatsop and Ilwaco.
Request from a firm in Yokohama for
the address of some concern in Port
land that exports flour gives rise to the
suspicion that Theodore Wilcox's pub
licity bureau needs waking up.
Now if the telegraphic service should
be shut off in toto, and we shouldn't
get the baseball scores, would life be
worth living?
It would indeed be indelicate for Gov
ernor Chamberlain to name his real
first choice for United States Senator.
With Peary out of it for this sea
son, Walter Wellman has the oppor
tunity to immortalize himself.
THE NEW PAPAL SYLLABUS.
A. "Catholic" Yet D la criminating Arti
cle oa Its Coatemta.
New Tork Evening Post.
Those who have read of the excite
ment caused In 1864 ty the syllabus
of -modern errors issued by Pius IX
must wonder a little at the indiffer
ence with which the similar "Decree
of the Holy and Universal Inquisition."
just put forth by Pius X, has been gen
erally received. It has not been even
thought worthy of cabling, except In
bare summary. The full text. In
French translation, was given In the
Ultramontane organ, the Paris Unlvers.
Plux IX uttered his warning against
"the audacities of modern thought."
Plus X directs himself particularly to
the aberration of -exegetes of the
Bible. His formidable list comprises
no less than 65 "grave errors." some of
which, it is said, are to be found, "de
plorable" as it may seem. even In
Catholic writer. Looking at the Pope's
imposing array, one is inevitably re
minded of Browning's
"Twenty-nine distinct damnations.
One sure, if another falls."
No reader of the new syllabus can
fall to be struck by the way In which
its guns are pointed astern. The Pope
is aiming at conclusions of historical
inquiry and Biblical higher criticism
which are a very old story to Protest
ant theologians. All these questions
about the admixture of human error in
the Scriptures, the composite nature of
some of the books of the Bible, the
doubtful authenticity of others in par
ticular, the nature and date of the
Gospel of John have been fought over
for years. Wideawake theologians have,
in fact, become rather weary of them,
and have passed on to topics more alive.
But here Is the Holy See, through the
inquisition, thundering away at them
as if Ewald and Wellhausen and Welz
sacker and Harnack had never lived,
and Cheyne and Driver and Toy and
Brlggs had not yet written. The infer
ence is pretty clear that Catholic fac
ulties have not been able to steel them
selves entirely against theae Investiga
tions. Indeed, the syllabus expressly
states that the "errors" which It con
demns are "more and more . widely
spreading among the faithful." It is
to warn them In time, and to protect
them against 'the unhappy consequences
of an "alleged progress In doctrine.",
that the holy father, "on the advice of
the very eminent and most reverend
Cardinals," has judged It fitting to pub
lish his list ef proscribed errors.
Merely to give a few samples, No'.
XI declares it a grievous error to hold
that "Inspiration does not extend to
every book of the Bible, in a way to
guarantee each in every part from all
error." Error No. XV is to maintain
that "the Gospels were continually en
larged and corrected until they were
definitely adopted In the canon"; and
XVI, that "the narratives of St. John
are hot, properly speaking, history, but
a mystical contemplation." Even
"pragmatism" gets a blow In No. XXVI,
where we learn that It is an error to
believe that "dogmas are to be accepted
solely for their practical effect on con
duct, and not as a rule of faith." The
very minutiae of eritlclsm are included,
as in No. XXX, where it is laid down
that the Biblical phrase, "Son of God,"
cannot be explained as meaning the
Messiah. So it goes .on through error
No. LVII, "the Church is opposed to
progress in the natural sciences,"
down to the final error of all, that
"Catholicism cannot adjust itself to true
science without becoming a Christian
ity without dogmas."
It is easy to see that the new sylla
bus is directed against dangers al
ready existing within the church, not,
as in the case of the syllabus of Plus
IX, against those pressing upon it
from the outer world. That is one
reason why the present document has
fallen rather flat. It is not a denun
ciation of pplltlcal doctrines; no fresh
arraignment of Socialism; no repeated
condemnation qf "Americanism," In the
church. Such topics always . create a
stir, when Rome speaks about them.
But since it Is nice questions of Bibli
cal exegesis merely, and the fine points
of the higher criticism, the world will
take but a languid interest even in an
utterance by the supreme pontiff. The
query has already, been raised whether
lie now speaks ex cathedra; whether he
lays down matters of doctrine which
all good Catholics are hereafter bound
to accept. A writer In " the Paris
Figaro, M. de . Narfon, who Is well
known to have close relations with
influential Catholic prelates, declares
that the papal infallibility Is by no
means involved, since Pius X Is simply
pointing out errors, not defining doc
trines. One can understand, however,
the mild amazement of this Catholic
writer when he speaks of so remark
able an attempt by mere decree of the
holy office to "solve most-of the great
controversies which exegetes and theo
logians have debated for years past."
It is, of course, the spirit of free
inquiry in historical questions that af
fects' former opinions about the Bible,
which the syllabus really condemns.
It speaks frownlngly of "historical ar
guments," and reproves those who set
up any especial claim for the "scientific
exegesis," of the Old and New Testa
ments. Some complacent Protestants
may plume themselves on this new
proof, as they will call it, of Papal
blindness and intolerance. But are
they so sure that their own withers are
unwrung? Archbishop Whately was
keen enough to perceive that what we
call Catholic tendencies are really
grounded in human nature, and that
Protestants share them in their own
fashion. We are all exposed to the
peril of wishing to suppress those who
do not agree with us. Protestant
churches do not face problems -In all
respects the same as the Catholic
Church, but their method of meeting
them has not been essentially different
They, too, have been known to be tim
idly short-sighted and uncharitable in
these very matters of Biblical criti
cism. Certainly, those Protestant de
nominations that cast out Robertson
Smith and Professor Toy and Professor
Briggs ought not to be the first ones
to throw a stone at the new Papal
syllabus.
Professor Matched the Boss.
Boston Herald.
Boston and Cambridge people of an
earlier day remember well Professor
Child, of Harvard, a scholar who was
likewise a live nan. President Eliot
tells with great gu'sto a story abbut his
faithful attention to city politics.
Professor Child always attended to
his duties as a citizen of Cambridge.
One night he went to a ward meeting
at which a boss began to put forth
some of his warped ideas. The college
professor was speedily on his feet and
scathingly denounced the boss and his
methods.
After the meeting was over the good
natured boss, just to show that he bore
no ill will, met the scholar on the stairs
and genially handing over cigar,
said: "Have a smoke, professor?"
His antagonist straightened up. took
the cigar. pd said with great dignity:
"Yes. I'll match you In any of your
lesser vices."
Everything In Keeping.
Eugene Register.
Birth of triplets Is nothing for Portland
to boast about at this time, since, under
Its marvelous growth, everything else is
tripling in the metropolis.
Journalistic Amenltlea.
Hillsboro Argus.
This is the week for the Times' man,
of the Grove, to relieve his stomach, and
If he doesn't puke like a vnlture, scaring
intruders "away from its nest, it will be
surprising.
PUZZLING QUESTIONS FOR EDITORS
Some of the Trials of the Overworked
Country Scribes.
, Pilot Rock Record.
It not infrequently happens that tha
country editor Is appealed to to settle
disputes arising over the proper pro
nunciation of the names of well-known
public officials the name of the pres
ent Postmaster. General, the name of
the Secretary of the Treasury' or other
members of the Roosevelt cabinet, in
which changes are so frequent as to put
out of commission such references as
the World's Alamanac and last year's
Congressional Record. Country school
masters frequently inquire of the ed
itor of the Record the name of some
member of the President's family, and"
because of this we have become quite
familiar with the names of the cabinet
officers. We are sometimes asked how
old Harvey Scott Ms, and If It would be
perfectly safe for a man from the
country to visit his den. The question
has been asked if it were true that H.
L. Plttock was originally a printer, and
If so how in the world did he ever man
age to save enough money to buy that
block In Portland in 1856 for $400,
which he recently leased for 99 years,
receiving $30,000 as rent therefor the
first year and each year thereafter dur
ing the lifetime of the lease a snug
increase over the first year's income.
How did he do all this, starting as a
poor compositor. In addition to buying
a controlling Interest In The Oregonlan,
which he still owns? Such questions
are not hard to answer. They answer
themselves. He spent less than he
made and Invested it. He did not drink
whisky or gamble. He made It hon
setly, and did not even impair his
health.
The old saying that a fool can ask a
question that a wise man cannot answer,
no doubt had its origin in the Achilles
puzzle. The dogma against the possibllHy
of motion Achilles maintained by four
arguments, the second of them is the
celebrated Achilles puzzle. It Is stated
thus: "Suppose Achilles to run ten times
as fast as a tortoise, yet. If the tortoise
had the start, Achilles cannot overtake
him; for, if they are separated at first
by an interval of 1000 feet the tortoise
will have run 100, and when Achilles has
run these hundred the tortoise will have
got ten, and so on for ever; therefore
Achilles may run for ever without over
taking the tortoise." Such were his
arguments against the existence of
motion.
Zeno had a faculty of asking hard ques
tions to answer. He asked If a grain
of corn, or a .0010 part of a grain, would
when it fell to the earth, make a noise.
Being answered in the negative, he fur
ther asked whether, then, would a
measure of corn. This being necessarily
affirmed, he then demanded whether the
measure was not in some determinate
ratio to- the single grain; as this could
not be denied, he was able to con
clude, either, then, the bushel of corn
makes no noise on falling, or else the
very smallest portion does the same.
When the third schoolmaster, in one
week, called on the editor of the Record,
and commenced by saying: "I have a
question to ask which I wish you would
answer," the question asked by Zeno pop
ped Into our noddle, only to give way to
the Achilles puzzle or something harder.
We are .personally acquainted with- the
man, he having taught a school in the im
mediate neighborhood of Pilot Rock last
Winter, since which time he has settled
down to the simple life. "Proceed with
your question," answered the editor, after
bracing himself for something hard. "I
would like to have you tell me." said the
teacher, "what beats three of a kind?"
"I was playing in a little game the other
night I only lost $7 and I laid down
three "4s", but the other man with what
he called a "flush" took the pot. Now,
what I want to know Is does a flush
beat three of a kind?" There are people
In this world who hold higher positions
than do editors of country newspapers,
but none are asked a greater variety of
puzzling questions.
Dry Sunday In Tendleton
Pendelton Tribune.
Sunday in Pendleton with the lid on
was a glorious day. The parks were well
filled with a sober and well-behaved class
of our best cltlzenB. There was absolute
ly no drinking whatever, not even water
being within reach of the proletariat.
One or two of the most fastidious did
stick their feet into the placid waters of
the Umatilla, but as it was necessary to
call out the street sweeping machines to
clean their feet to enable them to get
their shoes on. others desisted from en
gaging In such expensive luxuries. The
band concert was a decided success,
many people being heard to remark that
they never saw De Rapero conduct a
program with such agility and nimble
ness. Out in the suburbs the merry hum
of the combine kept the listening multi
tude entertained with Its sweet music, and
the beautiful and tender jargon of the
driver contained many gems of purest
prose serene. On the long stretches of
the tjeautiful boulevards the automobiles
kept up a continuous and merry honk,
honk, affording great entertainment by
climbing telegraph poles, jumping wood
piles and some of the more efficient
chauffeurs afforded no end of amusement
by running at full speed into basements
and coming out on the balconies, taking
parachute leaps to the ground. It was
such a day as many people had dreamed
of during the rampages of nightmares.
ORIENTAL
STANDARD OIL'S PENALTIES.
Tremendous Fine, but a Tremendous
Offender.
New York Evening - -it.
"Gentlemen, said . Matthew Arnold,
when he appeared before the Income ax
Commissioners who had aosessed his
profits from literature at woCO a year
"gentlemen, you see before you what
you -have often heard of, an . unpop
ular author. It is a plea of ad mlseri
cordlam which the Standaru Oil Company
might well make. Fined J29.O0O.O0O on
Saturday, on Monday it is buffeted by
another Government report, showing once
more that It Is an oppressive monopoly,
fo-clng the people to pay exorbitant
prices for a necessary oi life. Cne good
newspaper friend of the Standard
hastened to allege that It could no. pay
a fine of $29,000,000 and continue to do
business." The unfeeling Commissioner
of Corporations, however, produces fig
ures this morning to prove that it had
made net earnings of at least $790,000.
OOo in the past twenty-four years, "and
possibly much more." Quite a com
fcrtable margin for Incidental fines! Yet
fines and adverse reports are not really
so significant as the general rejoicing
with which all such alta-ks upon the .
Standard are received. "Gentlemen,
you see before you a highly unpopular
Trust."
Granting that the verdict of the jury
against the Standard was well and truly
found; that no "vitiating error, was com
mitted In the trial of the case, there
cannot be two minds, it seems to us,
about the justice of a-pplyn.g the maxi
mum penalty known to the law. Tha
amount of the fine is tremenudous, but it
is inflicted upon a tremendous offender.
It Is no exaggeration o say, as Secretary
Garfield Is reported as saying trus morn
ing, that the Standard hrs for years con
ducted Itself as if it were above the law.
It nas snapped Its fingers at the pun
ishments laid down in the statutes. They
were for the little fellows. The law
would think twice before damning a cor
poration with such untold millions at
command. Now, to have men of that
kind of arrogance brought up with a.
round turn, is undoubted-y a good thing.
It makes for social Justice, and so for
social content. It helps people to believe,
that the law is, after all, equal. Sensi
ble men will believe that it Is, in intent
at least, even if Judge Landls should be
reversed for error; i -ough: of course,
his reversal now would embitter many;
against the courts.
NEWSPAPER WAIFSj
"Does Jones always speak the truth?" "t
don't know. I never tried to borrow money
from him." Detroit Free Press.
Gerald Why did you accept me, if you
didn't expect to marry me? Penelope I
wanted to break It to you gently. Puck.
Jodd Wn en I want to get rid of my wife
for a few day, I just send for my relatives.
Todd But how do you get rid of your rela
tives ? Life.
Bacon Are you doing anything to relieve
the sufferings of your neighbors? Egbert
Tea. I've Just sold my phonograph! Yonker
Statesman.
"How did' Jones make all his money?"
"Judicious speculation." "And how did
Brown lone his fortune?' "Dabbling in
stocks." Cleveland Leader.
Bertie Well, mother. I don't care what
you say. I think she's a regular brick."
Mother Very likely. She certainly sems to
be throwing herself at somebody's head.
Punch.
Little Edna What Is "leisure," mamma ?
Mamma It's the spare time a woman ha
In which she can do some other kind of
work, my dear. Chicago Daily News.
"My husband's attention to me when I am
away is unremitting. I get a letter every
day. Tou don't hear so often, Mrs. Jones?"
"No, my husband's attention is not of the)
unremitting kind. He always encloses a
check." Baltimore American.
Gunner There goes old man Griddle
stone. He has started more feminine jaws
wagging than any man In this part of the
country. Guyer Great Jupiter! What scan
dal was he mixed up in ? Gunner None!
He is a manufacturer of chewing gum.
Chicago Daily News-
Burglar Trust Manager Tou will be re
quired to turn night into day; to throw
aside all sentiment; to enter the houses of.
the best families regardless of their feelings;
to act the hypocrite, and, if necessary, to go
to jail. Applicant L'm. Yon don't want an
ordinary burglar. What you want is a,
newspaper reporter. Life.
Professor (to graduating class In college)
Young man, there is one more question I
would like to ask, and that is, what books
have helped you most in your struggles for
an education? Young Scadds (promptly
speaking up from the foot of the class)
Dad's check book has helped me about as
much as any of 'em, so far. Judge.
The "Original Parker Man" FrophesJeK.
New York Sun.
KANSAS CITY, Mo., Aug. 3. To tha
Editor) After looking at every chance
for Democratic success in 1908 I figure
up the situation as follows:
With the prosperity wave on-hand,
the great expansion and progressive
conditions of our country, the large
independent Democratic vote, I see no
chance to win even with anti-trust,
municipal or Government ownership or
tariff reform nailed to every plank Ot
our platform.
The 600,000 defeat of 1896 was fol
lowed by one of 800,000 in 3 900, and
Increased to 2,000.000 4n 1904. The
scarcity of Presidential timber is in.
sight. A "has been" who led us to de
feat for eight years is again asking to
be "redecorated" and brought out for
1908.
J meafng our defeat by 3,000,300 or
more. That's all.
J. I WOODS MERRILL,
The Original Parker Man.
VAUDEVILLE
The Celebrated Japanese Knife Trick.
From Chicago' Iriter-Oeean.