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PORTLAND. MONDAY. FEBRUARY 1.
TRUTH HAS ITS ADVANTAGES.
The Seattle Chamber of Commerce
has, with becoming diligence and en
ergy, taken up the matter of securing
more lighthouses, "better life-saving
equipment and other necessary facili
ties for the protection of shipping in
that death-haunted region around the
mouth of the Straits of Fuca. A special
committee has prepared an elaborate
report, memorializing Congress for
aid in this most worthy and important
cause. This memorial states, among
other facts, that "fifty-six ships and
711 Jives bf-ve been lost" 4n that vicin
ity in the past forty years. This action
is strictly in line with the suggestions
that' The Oregonlan has been making
for more than twenty years whenever,
in fact, additions were made to the
iftnr and rapidly growing death roll of
men and ships that have found a last
resting, place in that vicinity.
While the Seattle Chamber of Com
merce neclects to give us credit for it,
The XDreconlan compiled the list from
which the statistics used by the Cham
vior. nf rnmmprce were secured. It was
incomplete, for. in the haste' of prepar
ing it on the night on which the news
of the Valencia wreck was received,
several wrecks were overlooked, nota
bly the Janet Cowen and the Fawn, in
both of which a number of lives were
lost. However, the wreck roll as print
ed In detail showed a loss of fifty-six
vessels and 711 lives, exclusive of the
Valencia. The use of these figures by
the Seattle Chamber of Commerce' is
appreciated by The Oregonlan lor
many reasons. It is an admission that
a. bad matter cannot be remedied or
improved by lying about it- It is also
a recognition of the. necessity for the
construction and maintenance or
better life-saving and lighthouse serv
ice along tha"t terrible north coast Best
of all, if discloses that the sentiment
of the Seattle business community is
not reflected by some of its newspapers.
When The Oregonlan printed the list
which the Seattle Chamber of Com
merce now makes use of In an official
report, the Post-Intelligencer poured
out its vials of wrath on The Ore
gonian, and alluded to the official rec
ord -of wrecks as an "imaginary list,"
which it "accused The" Oregonlan of
printing for the purpose of injuring the
reputation of Puget Sound. The Post
Intelligencer wound up its philllplc
with the assertion that "actual wrecks
on the'Svest- coast of Vancouver Island
are nomor'e. common than on any other
rocktbputid coast, to which careful
navieators fcive a wide berth." Tt s.
of -course.sbmewhat embarrassing for
the Vpl, to have the Seattle Chamber
of Commerce make an official an
nouncement that "actual wrecks" in
the locality in question are "more com
mon" than they are at other points on
the Pacific Coast.. The situation, how
ever, is one that demands action, and
no assistance to improve matters can
ever,be Teceived If .the true condition
is not disclosed.
It is this continued drivel about the
superiority of Puget Sound, with Its
"broad, safe entrance," so often harped
on by the Seattle papers, that has pre
Vented the Government from providing
the necessary ' safeguards long ago,
Now that there-has at last been an
awakening and an acknowledgment of
,-the weak points where protection Is
needed in the' Flattery and Cape Beale
region, something may .be accom
plished. Truth always haB possessed
certain advantages over falsehood and
misrepresentation, and, In this case, its
-use may be followed by good results.
There seems no good " reason to be
lieve that it was Intended that the
enacting clause, "Be it enacted by the
people of the State of Oregon," should
be "used in -drafting proposed' amend
ments to the state constitution. Pro'
posed amendments have never been
called "bills.'' "The constitution re
quires that "the style of all bills shall
be," etc. The purpose of the enacting
clause is to make it definite .and cer
tain that "the intention is to enact
bill Into a 3aw In the case of a pro
posed amendment the purpose is shown
by an Introductory declaration that
certain section .of the constitution "be
and hereby Is amended to read as fol
lows." While the initiative and refer
endum amendment is so worded that
it is possible to- Interpret it to require
the enacting clause on constitutional
amendments, such an Interpretation Is
not necessary nor is It reasonable.. All
those , who have .drawn mp, prepared
amendments have given It no such In
terpretatk)n. In fact,, it would-be un
wise to require that both bills and
proposed amendments hear the same
enacting clause, for. In that event pro
posed constitutional amendments would
have all the appearance of bills and
might therefore be passed upon with
less attention than they deserve. Rea
son would require that a difference
exist between bills for laws and pro
posed constitutional amendments. -
THE NEW ALASKA.
The strong decire shown by Presi
dent Roosevelt to make Captain Jarvis
Governor of lAlaska, and the remark
able reluctance of Captain Jarvis to
accept the Important post, offers pretty
strong evidence that Captain Jarvis Is
an eminently proper roan for the place.
It borders almost on the miraculous in
these days of venal politics, with so
many thousands of office-seekers, to
find a man who will reject such a posi
tion as the President Is seeking to
force on the ex-revenue officer. It does
not require a close examination of con
ditions in Alaska to understand at least
one of the reasons for Captain Jarvis
rejection of the position offered him.
We have permitted our highly valuable
territorial possession to drlftalong In
a hapless go-as-you-please manner Xor
many years.
Very little improvement has been
made in laws or In methods of ad
ministration In the past ten years, al
though there has been a vast change in
all .other conditions in the territory.
The population has Increased enor
mously, and with It has come a new
order of things, and it will be
no easy task to straignten tne
rich territory 'out of the snarls Into
which years of neglect have entangled
her. It is the familiarity of Captain
Jarvis with these conditions that makes
.him a valuable man for the place, and
it Is also his familiarity with them that
undoubtedly causes him to fight shy
of the office. It would seem that, with
the enormous annual contributions that
Alaska Is now making to our supply
of gold, and with her vast resources as
et comparatively untouched. It is an
appropriate time for this most valued
of our territories to secure better recog
nition and a higher class'of officials.
The administration of land, laws in
Alaska has been .so unsatisfactory.
ever since land began having a value
in that faraway, country, that the un
written mining-camp etiquette,, and the
might" which makes right, have been
much more effective in settling dis
putes and establishing title than any
alleged legal process that could be put
in motion by the haphazard system In
use In Alaska. All good citizens who
favor good government will earnestly
hope to see Captain Jarvis accept the
position offered him. Alaska is already
growing away from the mining-camp
era, and In supplanting the temporary
with a permanent form of sovernment.
in 'order that a good start may be
made, it is necessary to have at the
helm a man whose ability and integrity
are both unquestionable. '
This coming change In political con
ditions In Alaska will bring with It a
change, or it might more properly be
said It is due to a change, in commer
cial conditions. The returning miner
has discarded his "poke" and brings
out his wealth in the more convenient
form of a bank draft- The railroad
will shortly supersede the dog team and
the Dack-horse.- Alaska Is becom
ing civilized- and her .new civilization
demands a- more modern ana up-io-date
government than she has had In
the past. Captain Jarvis Is the right
man for the place, and it is: to be hoped
that the magnitude of the task and the
comparatively meager emoluments will
not cause him to thruFt aside the crown
which the President is endeavoring to
place on his head.
AUTOMOBILES AND ROADS.
The remark of H. B. Thlelsen, at the
Sllvcrton meeting of the Willamette
Valley Development League, that the
Ideal road is one that Is perfectly
straight and level is of more Impor
tance since the coming of the automo
bile than ever before. With all travel
conducted by team, the stralghtness
of a road was of little consequence,
though the absence of steep grades
was Important as now. The swift-
moving auto requires a straight road
as well as a smooth one, and with the
autos on the road the straight highway
becomes more essential to teaming, if
accidents are to be prevented. Not
for many years will all teams become
so accustomed to the puffing, snorting
red wagons that they will not be fright
ened when one of the monsters sud
denly whirls into close view at a turn
in the road. In all the discussions of
the public road question at Silverton
there was no mentlonof the changed
-conditions incident to the. advent of
the wagon propelled by ' engine or
motor.
The automobile has cojne to stay.
and with each succeeding year a larger
number of these machines will be
owned by farmers and used by them
because more convenient, faster and
cheaper than horse-drawn vehicles.
Yet the horse will not be abandoned
for use- on -the road, so highway con
struction must ,be planned with. the.
view to accommodating both. The auto
requires a straight road, not only for
the raising of Its own maximum speed,
but.forjthe safety of travelers by team
upon the highway. The" coming of the
auto also requires .'that highway em
bankments .be wide enough so that
when.horsesandauto nieet, a. team of
ordinary docility will not -be crowded
off the cmbankrnentl Many a precau
tion will be necessary If " the public
roads are not to be strewn with the
wrecks of carriages and the. blood
stains of Innocent victims.
In this connection -it may not be
amiss lb repeat a suggestion made in
these columns a few, months ago, that
owners .'of automobiles should do their
part to see Chat brush and trees are
removed from the roads' and fence cor
ners wherever they shut oft the view,
bo that the drivers of team and auto
mobile may see each tother at a suffi
cient distance to guard against acci
dent. A bend in the road becomes a
much more dangerous place lor team
and auto to meet If the fence corner
has grown up to brush ten or fifteen
feet high, shutting off the view. Very
Tare Is the team of horses that would
not be scared by an auto springing
into view from behind a thicket of
brush. In two months the auto season
will bpen again, with an' "increased
number of new machines -on the road.
Now Is the time to prepare for auto
travel. Farmers and owners of auto
mobiles, should co-operate -In removing
obstructions which endanger public
safety. The avoidance of accidents is
of particular Importance to the owner
of tho automobile, for every mishap
creates prejudice against tke horseless
carriage and arouses a 4 amend for
controlling legislation. AutomobltisU
are In the minority and will be for
many years to come. It behooves them
to stand well in public favor.
nrrncrjETiES or a problem.
Judge Grosscup, of the. United States
'Court of Appeals, who has written
many notable articles and delivered
many excellent addresses Qn social and
industrial topics, recently said, at New
Rochelle, New York:
Tho -wrong of the corporation Is not In the
corporation Itself, but in the public policy
of the -state and nation that has permitted
the corporation to become the exclusive right
of a lew people. If, when the formation of
the lndustrl- of this country Into corpora
tions was taking place, the producers were
Riven the chance of proprietorship and par
ticipation In them; for instance. If the shoe
maker .had become a part proprietor In tho
shoe factories and the engineer of the rail
road In whose employ he dally risks his life,
none of this outcry and none of the causes
for outry would exist. But such was not the
ca for some reason or other.
The reason Is both In the nature of
men and In the nature of things. Some
men will make slow aecumulationp, in
vest them Judiciously, add more from
year to year, and get ahead In busi
ness and'ln property. Others, who
have not the disposition to pursue
these methods, but live close up to their
earnings or gains, or have not judg
ment in making Investment?, or In
holding on, see their opportunities slip
and accumulate little or nothing. To
invest money judiciously is as; difficult"
as to accumulate it; perhaps more so.
The personal element In these matters
is always the main one. Governor
Douglas, of Massachusetts, most suc
cessful of shoemakers, began as a boy
of fifteen at the bench. Every one of
hjk-arssociates had equal opportunity;
tut he had the "gift" of using It, which
they had not.
Yet undoubtedly some do owe very
much to the fortune of opportunity; for
the highest talents avail little when
there is not opportunity for their dis
play. Nor can the Individual always
make his opportunity. To an extent
he Is dependent on chance or fortune.
Governor Douglas to use his name
again was so -situated that he could
apply his exceptional talents to a busi
ness he was fitted for. Had he come
West, he could and would have done
something else, no doubt with success;
but not with the eminent success he
has met with where he is.
The fact that so many fall short
of the prosperity which others though
not so4 many reach. Is due, therefore,
mainly to causes which government or
society cannot reach. That the vast
aggregations of capital witnessed In
our own time do shut Individuals out
of opportunity, more or less, and cre
ate an Increasingly large wage class,
Is certain. It is one of the facts or
conditions that call for closer regula
tion of the operations of great capital
than has been known heretofore. On
the whole, however, it is -well that
working people have not invested very
largely in the stock of great corpora
tions, over which they could have no
control. The "small people" very like
ly would be squeezed out and lose thoir
all. This, Indeed, has frequently har--nened:
so that nrudent people prefer
to husband .small savings and keep
what they have under their own con
trol. -AMERICAN JCTJMOR..
Jerome K. Jerome Is disappointed In
America: and we arc even worse dis
appointed that Mr. Jerome Is disap
pointed. Mr. Jerome abhors the Sun
day comic supplement, and says that
."it Is an effort to reduce humor t.o the
meanest Intelligence"; and because
Happy Hooligan and Buster Brown and
all that lively company have great
vogue, he thinks that the American ap
petite Is jaded. Perhaps; yet wc will
doubtless shock Mr. Jerome when we
say that the pictorial art in the comic
supplements compares favorably with
much of the popular illustration in the
great English humorous magazines
from the time of John Leech down to
Phil May. There are thousands of
Americans of cultivated mind and cd
uoated taste who never could see much
In Leech's drawings but an nncouth
and offensive scrawl, and nothing
whatever In his Jokes of that "subtile
quality Mr. Jerome says the English
so much admire. The Leech Jokes
vere painfully artificial and ob
vious, the great originals of the
modern vaudeville witticism. Phil
May's drawings had a certain pathetic
poivcr and human interest that en
chained attention, but he was not an
artist nor even a humorist; hewas an
illustrator, an expositor of certain low
ly types of London life.
Mark Twain Mr. Jerome 'describes as
the last of the American humorists of
the old school, and he seems to think
Twain is not now appreciated In Amer
ica. Not appreciated? Mark" Twain
never In his career could command
such ready audiences as today; andhis
successor, if there shall be a successor,
will find two delighted and profitable
readers where Mr. Clemens In his prime
found one. That the, American sense
of humor is as sound, sane and quick
as ever is, we think, abundantly proven
by the widespread circulation of the
'faMas- -of George Ade, which are good
and healthy fun. and the philosophical
observations of Mr. Dooley, which are
the perfection of genial satire. Both
these writers have a reputation far sur
passing that of any contributor to the
comic supplements, which are, after all,
designed largely for children and serv
ant girls, x But there is more to be said.
The English authors who arc famous
for their flashing wit arid "subtile"
humor are as well read in America as
In England, or better. We know as
much about contemporary writers like
W. W. Jacobs, J". M. Barrie and Jerome
K, Jerome, as they do in England, and
we know a great deal less about the
men who write for Punch, Judy, Tit
Bits and the like; which would go to
prove that the finest English humor Is
as well appreciated In America as in
England, and the author? of the Eng
lish "comics" are not known at all, as
they shouldn't be.
Mr. Jerome shouldn't take the Sun
day humorous supplement seriously.
Nobody here does. But he's English,
and that's the way he takes his humor.
Although spraying of fruit trees has
been general throughout Oregon during
the past two weeks, let us not be de
celved Into . believing that all the
orchards are receiving treatment that
win destroy ban jose scaie. Take a
short drive along any road In the Wil
lamette Valley and you will pass scores
of orchards where no spraying has ever
been done and quite likely none ever
will be done. Old, gnarled apple trees
will be seen with moes six inches long
hanging from the limbs. Young orch
ards that are fast approaching the
.condition of the old ones are plentiful.
Some mmuI orcMro have cn ng-
lected s loeg tHt. they have become
practically w octal, and the owners
care little whether the trees are cut
down or left to grow and continue as
breeding places focpests. After all our
felicitation over the Interest that has
been aroused Inepraying, we shall have
enough cause for concern over the dis
eased trees still neglected. ' ,
The day xf the rail fence Is rapidly
going and ought to be gone. In pioneer
days, when land was cheap, trees were
plentiful and wire was scarce, the rail
fence, worming Its way between fields
and along roadsides, was the most eco
nomical and only practicable kind of
fence to build. , That day has passed.
Land is, or ought to be, too valuable
to be taken up with a crooked' fence.
The rails are worth almost enough for
firewood to pay for the material to
make a good wire fence. But the
greatest advantage to be derived from
an abandonment of the old and the
construction of new and modern fences
is in the Improvement of appearances.
While the old worm fence may have
an attraction for the eye of the city
artist seeking subjects for landscape
painting, there Is something wrong
with the farmer who can see any
beauty in fence rows grown up to
weeds and brush. The weedy fenee
row is the ready means of conveyance
of foul seeds from one field to another.
It always has the appearance of neg
lect and heralds its owner as an un
thrifty farmer Let lis show our grat
itude to the old rail fence, with Us
stakes and riders, by giving it a long-
merited rest.
The "pure food" bill Is to come to a
vote in the Senate. 'TIs well. For Gov
ernment now must look after our food
and drink and clothes, and Incomings
and outgoings and downslttlngs and
uprisings. Nobody can do anything for
himself any,, more. One can't be ex
pected to beV judge of the quality of
the chops he eats, or o the coffee, beer
or water that he drinks. Government
must attend to all these things for him:
whereby the number of . officials, on
regular salaries paid out of the public
treasury. Is mightily multiplied. In
deed, In order that all may take care
of each other, we shall all get on the
public payroll soon.
Mr, Rockefeller's Iates movq is a
dignified rebuke to those misguided
critics who havel accused him of
squeezing the lifeblood out of his busi
ness rivals by means of rebates. In
stead of running to Miss Tarbell with
his troubles when the railroads com
bined and refused to haul- ore from his
Wisconsin Iron .mines, Mr. Rockefeller
merely bought a railroad of his own
The. same .courseno doubt, was always
open to the Independent oil operators.
This should hold the tongue of slander
for a while.
Some of the County -Courts are en
thusiastic over the good-roads move
ment, but find it a little difficult to
arouse the interest of-farmers to the
point of voting special taxes for road
improvement. How would It do for
County Courtsto cut down the expense
of Courthouse officialdom a few thou
sand dollars a year and spend the
money on a piece of road a mile or-two
long, leading out from .the county seat
Thinklt over.
All -psslbleJlstaace should(bc ren
dered by,kworldof Tiumanity to the
starving thousands In the northern
islands of J Japan, let It remains a
wonder " why a nation that could and
did beat Russia, and maintained more
than a million of men under arms.
couf.n't afford succor to six hundred
thousand of Its own people, whose
means of" subsistence have failed.
Now then, we may hope to be done
with Miss Roosevelt, or Mrs. Long
worth, stop all the noise and have an
end of all the show and display, and
allow her to get up and make the morn
ing fire and cook the breakfast for her
husband and sing the lullaby to the
cradle in peace as so many have done
and more will do hereafter.
John D. Rockefeller is in Italy and J.
Pierpont Morgan is headed that way.
The Italian police, who remember Mr.
Morgan in connectionvwlth the theft of
valuable cope, will no doubt keep
watchful eye on the two tourists. Mr.
Rockefeller might appropriate a whole
cathedral before leaving the country.
There Is one thing to be said to the
credit of the City of Eugene Its cltl
zens are spending their energies clean
Ing up Instead of working thepiselves
Into, a furor because the newspapers
printed the truth about the epidemic
of typhoid.
A new railway-rate law, enacted in
Ohio, makes a maximum passenger
rate of 2 cents a mile. Since Ohio is
not among the larger states and has
a dense population, it is believed the
law will be no hardship to the rail
roads.
The Edwards College students who
are under arrest for attempting to
wreck an O. R. & N. passenger train
in Eastern Washington should not be
criticized too harshly. It may have
been a mere hazing stunt.
It was probably inside information
as to the source of the Long worth mil
Hons that nipped the W. C. T. TJ.'s
campaign for a wineless wedding
breakfast In the bud.
Oregon men who are now riding on
annuals should be kept under strict
surveillance until the police find the
enacting clause that is missing from
the anti-pass bill.
Again the Democrats are going to
see the President through a difficulty
They are going to help carry the Phil
lpplne tariff bill through the Senate.
" It 4s a way they have at old Harvard
no doubt, but Mr. Roosevelt is likely to
hear more about that little cold bottle
fest In the private dining-room.
' It is pretty likely to be true that the
candidate who cries out against mud
slinging is badjy in heed of a coat of
whitewash and knows 1L
The calling of Commissioner Garfield
as a-witness In the Chicago packers'
case should evoke a boisterous bellow
from" the beef trust.
The French duel, unlike the French
wine grape, seems to be improved by
transplanting in American soil.
The number et "Bluebeard" Hoch;
appeals Is exceeded nly by the number
of his BiurdriL wiya.
THE PESSIMIST.
Now that the wedding Is over, we will
have a chance to examine Into the quali
fications cf the various candidates for
Sheriff.
ft m
Jerome K. Jerome does not like Ameri
can Jokes. There arc a" lot of things that
Jerome does not like in this country
When he gets back home he will write a
book thai will make us sit up and take
notice.
Among those present at the wedding T
did not see the names of any of our own
first families.
Whom a minister of God hath joined !
together let. no divorce court put asunder.
In Los Angeles the first families sat
for a long time In the Simpson Auditori
um the other night waiting for Aided
Relaenaucr to come and play-on tho pi
anoforte, but Alfred was having tome
fun with the boys nnd forgot all about it.
Just as the audience was leaving Alfred
appeared on the stage, sat down at the
piano, and began playing the accompani
ment to the old campmeetlng song:
"Come where the booze is cheaper,
Come where the pints hold more!"
Then they led Alfred out and poured
ice water on him. .
Charles Battell Loo mis has been hav
ing trouble with the ladies who are af
flicted with tho "Awful nonlnclojlng
habit." He says:
"I Inclose an interesting clipping that
will appeal especially to you. Let me
know what you think of it."
"And then she doesn't inclose it and the
recipient of herletter vainly hunts for
it.
"The noninclosing habit follows the
postal route all over the world."
I wonder if Loomis has heard of the
woman who neglects to send a Christ
mas present and then about three weeks
afterwards she write?: "I sent you a lit
tle Christmas remembrance, and. not hav
ing heard from you, I have been wonder
ing If you ever got It."
In a recent Irauc of the Argonaut two
of Its editors had a lot of fun with a
third editor on nccount- of a mistake in
grammar. The third editor nau written
this sentence: "From she who hath much
Is expected."
After they were through with him he
felt about as joyful as a man who is in
love with his mother-in-law.
My sympathies go out to the third edi
tor; aud. Just to give him a tehancc to get
even, I call his attention to the follow.
Ing sentence on the front page of the
same issue:
"During Tuesday night men died where
they lay and the women went grimly back
and forth to cheer them."
(Special Dispatch by Freight.)
NEW YOKK. Feb. 17. Miss Madse Hosn
ef this city, known anions: her friends as
Alice Roosevelt's twin," tras married here
today at high noon with William Holbroke.
a private in Companr E. Eighth Infantry,
stationed at Governor's Island. Th! peculiar
sobriquet of Mla Tlosan was ?lven to her
becaue. like Miss Ttooscvelt, she was born
oa February 11. 1884. and always had the
greate-st admiration for the latter. When
Mlos Hosan heard that 3I!sa Roosevelt was
to be married on February 17 sha arranged
with her Intended to b married at the same
time. Th marriage took place at the home
of Miss Hogan'a parents In this city. Invl
tattons had been sent to Miss Alice Roose-
vlt and Nicholas Longrvorth.
It is said that three dogs barked on
tho day that Alice Roosevelt was born.
A movement Is on foot in New York to
raise a public subscription to see that
thoir graves are kept green.
Just as the automobile which bore
Mr. and Mrs. Longworth away on their
honeymoon was about to start, a bug
was seen to crawl in front of the rear
wheel. Its remains were reverently
gathered ud by the bystanders. It had
met a sudden though glorious death.
The bug will He for three days in
state, after which it will be buried with
military honors In the National Ceme
tery at Arlington. Both Houses will
adjourn in ordor to give the members
a chance to attend the obsequies.
The ladies who went to the wedding
withoilt hats must have forgotten
about the press dispatches. If they had
remembered, no doubt they would have
spent the lnat cent they had in. order
to get a hat that would look well in
print.
'Two Jokes with but a single clip:
two laughs that the scissors won:"
Mr. Bacon "When a woman tells a
fairy story she always begins like
this; 'Once upon a time.'" Mrs. Ba
oon "Yes, and when a man tells a
fairy atory he always begins like this:
There, now, dear, don't be angry with
rce; you see, It was like this.' "
"Did you struggle against the con
sequences of tcmptationi inquired the
pron visitor. "Yes'm," replied the
object of interest. "Ah, if you had
fought juat a little harder sou wouldn't
be here today." "I done . vh best I
could, ma'am," said the prisoner, mod
estly; "it took three p'llcemerr an four
bystanders to git mc inro th patrol
wagon." M. B. WELLS.
Head or the Old School.
Washington Post.
Captain Ryan, the new British Naval
Attache, said at a dinner-In Washington:
"The strength of the beads of some of
our old school farmers Is quite in
credible. "At a harvest supper, a feant similar
in its way to your Thanksgiving dinner,
there was an old farmer who drank a
good deal' of champagne. The moment
his glass was filled he would toss it off.
and then, of course, it would be filled
again.
"But the old fellow grew quieter and
quieter the more champagne he drank.
A frown settled on his forehead. His
eyes Hashed angrily under his heavy gray
brows.
"Finally, when the waiter flired his
glass with wine for-the twelfth or thir
teenth time, he shook his head and said:
" 'James, when are you going to put
the whJsky on the table? These minerals
are getting tedious.' "
The Wise Child.
From Puck.
Tho good fairy brought an ingot of
lead and an ingot of gold and laid them
down before him.
"Choose!" she said, simply.
The child thought a moment and chose
the lead.
"It's no heavier to carry, it's just as
good to cat, and it won't make everybody
hate me!" quoth he.
The good fairy laughed.
"You can be' happy without any help
from me," she chirped, and flew away.
Trying to Prove an Alibi.
Cleveland Leader.
"Now, Tommy, either you or Johnny
have been stealing grapes agalR. Here
are the skins."
"'Twaan't me. ma honest it wase't.
X st all my skins, v
IT IS EXPANSION.
Effect as Seen in Washington and
"Remarks on Ontlylnjr Regions.
Edward Everett Hale In Christian
Register.
I will eay tc the credit of this city that,
if a man really likes the Larger Life
and would really free himself from the
tendencies and dangers of Cranford or
little Pcddltngton or New Padua or
Cranberry Four Corners. Washington Is
an excellent place in which to anchor. 'In
1S44, when I first knew the place well,
It was the little adjunct out in the cor
ner of the great nation of Virginia. To
be of an old Virginia family was a mat
ter of high consideration, and you talked
with Mrs. President Madison or President
Tyler about the history of the James
River. But now. when you wake in the
morning, you do not know which con
tinent or which ocean 13 to claim your
interest, not to say your duty, of the
day. Thus I had the pleasure of meet
ing here again and again Baron Kaneko,
the great Japanese statesman, whom I
had last seen when, as a law student
in Cambridge, he was a regular attendant
In the South Congregational in Boston.
Again t had occasion to ask the kind of
fices of Monsieur Jusserand for the pro
tection In their religious duties of the
pearl diving converts of a great Ameri
can missionary organization. As you go
and come in social life, half the people
you talk with have lived in Japan or
China or In the Philippines. You see the
result in the pretty furniture and pictures
and screens which Orientalize, one may
say the parlora of descendants from
Stuyvesants and Colverts and Cham
peroons and Wlnthrops.
v asrangton Itself does: not vet. I think.
wholly understand tho immense work
which the national government has in
hand east of the Pacific and west of
tho Rocky Mountains. There are nearly
twenty great enterprises going forward
in those regions controlling rivers and
even glaciers of which the most ad
vanced high school student has heard the
names. Within half an hour of this writ
ing I have been talking with a Canadian
Senator who told me of the progress of
tne railway which is to connect James
Bay with the Southern provinces of the
Argentine. How good a thing it would
be. as one is tempted to say, if the gentle
reader happen to know where James
Bay If. or what are the southern prov
inces or the Argentine. And. to return
for the Argentine is not on the Pacific
and James Bay does not feed the Pacific
tides here is Alaska in a thousand ways
representing Itself to the nation, and
making us wonder why we ever thought
that wolves howled on "oona Alaska's
shore." At the bureau of education you
will hear of the magnificent success which
has -waited on Dr. Jackson's well-con-
cclvcd effort for introducing Siberian rein
deer Into our Northern province. Five
thousand of these welcome emigrants
are now living happily in our Alaskan
possessions, and rendering the same sort
of service to man and God as are ren
dered by their relatives in Northern Rus
sia and Siberia to the people there. In
this year's postal contracts four routes
are consigned to contractors, who will
carry the malls by reindeer service. I
believe no one has as yet broken the
caribou to harness, but the numbers of
the imported Siberian deer double with
every two or three years, and the un
changing instincts of two or three mil
lenniums survive their transportation from
Asia to America. My celebrated novel,
not yet written, of which the scene is
laid in the Alaskan highlands, must be
put on tne siocks oerore long if 1 am
to study the accessories of scenery and
daily habit from tho life.
Among a thousand of the new wonders
there comes in the steady face of advance
of the aerial telegraph. It was too ex
pensive to carry wires around one of the
deep bays of the Alaskan coast, and so
the officer in charge of the system de
termined to send the regular business
mcsages across an estuary which was
only one hundred and seven miles wide.
This regular service, not occasional
simpty, but working at. every minute like
all commercial telegraphs, has been in
operation a year and a half, with perfect
regularity. Our "unsubsidized ally" the
air has paid to Uncle Sam millions of
dollars when he did not have to establish
one telegraph post or to stretch one yard
of wire.
And at the southern side of the Pacific
our neighbors in Australia and New Zca.
land are revising the feudal text books
of civil order. Just when Dr. Dry-as-dust
explains to us that state insurance is
quite Impossible, the islands of the
Maoris, the republics of New Zealand,
show that it is quite possible for them
Whoever seeks to know more of the
Larger Life la apt to find teachers here.
Indeed, their line has gone out to the
ends of the world, and one end of the
line is in Washington.
" v
The Editor's Own Wedding.
Gaylord. Kan.. Sentinel.
This Is the first instance in several
years of newspaper work that the" writer
has dared to tell the truth about a wed
ding for fear of getting licked and does
ao now with a keen relish. The groom
is an editor and is not an accomplished
and popular leader of society; in fact, he
doesn't know as much about It as a rab
bit. His hair is red and the freckles on
his face crowd each other for room. He
has never considered that the future
looked very bright and promising. The
bride. Judging from the Job sho has taken
on her hands, is a young lady of more
than ordinary nerve.
CLIPPINGS OF CURRENT COJDIENT.
Xow that the thermometer Is below zero,
the Fairbanks boom baa broken out afresh.
Troy Press CDem.)
A Brooklyn woman recently found $6000
worth of Jewels In a theater, and the strange
part about It Is that she wasn't an actress
either. Atlanta Journal.
Penny postage Is bound to come. The time
of Its arrival will depend upon the degree of
zcat with which the agitation for the reform
Is conducted. Syracuse Herald.
Many will view with Indifference th ap
pearance of the first robin as a sign of Spring.
But It will be quite another matter when
the official baseball schedules are promul
gated. Chicago Inter Ocean.
A Brooklyn policeman who was charged
with absenting himself from his post offered
as an excuse .that he had gone into a church
to pray, and he was let oft with a- reprimand,
as praying policemen are believed to be rare.
Ltlca Press.
The use of the term "Webfoot State" is as
bad form in Oregon as that of "Frisco" Is in
San Francisco. The Oregon Development
League and the State Press Association have
solemnly decided that henceforth Oregonlans
are "Beavers," not "Webfooters." New Or
leans. Tlmu-Democrat.
. Secretary Roo.t's proposal to cut .out the
red tape In the State Department and the
consular service and to vitalize these two
branches of government wilt command
hearty approval. Nothing Is more repressive
and withering than red tape. Hartford
Times (Dun.)
No Senator is opposed to pure food legis
latlon. It would seem. Everybody Is for It
in principle. That's whr so much wonder
fill nramu Vqk htrt tnarlr Irv 1T afenr .......
Now, if some Senators had' been unfriendly
to such legislation. Chicago Record-Herald.
"X m almost afraid to go to the table.
sars Dr. Wiley. "The butter Is painted;
canned goods are kept for years and sold
for the genuine article, and the foods we
eat are fraught with gerra-Ufe of a barroftll
nature." The doctor's talk is a sure sign
of the approaching Spring. He needs sassa
fras. Washington Post.
ir the railroads are "moving into town,"
they must soon make themselves manifest.
They are far from being modest souls. They
usually know what they want, and are not
shy about going after It. The proposition
In Itself Is not complicated, and It ought to
be settled on its merits. Any Jugglery, by
which the statehood bill, or the Philippine
tariff hlU, or any other bill, should figure as
a. burfcr or a come-oa, would be a sign j
that the railroads were havlag their wyJ j
XVuai&Kts-a Star (sL
CONGRESS INMERRY MOOD.
North American.
Congressman "Bertie"- Adams' bill,
providing for 30 lashes at the whip
ping post for each wifebeater in the
District of Columbia, was defeated in
the House of Representatives by a
vote ,of 1S3 to 60. Mr. Adams is a
bachelor. During the debate on tha
bill these "fake" amendments were .of
fered by hilarious Congressmen:- .
"That If the whipping post for wife
beaters were actually established in
the District of Columbia, Congress
should buy an old one no longer used
by the city of Baltimore.
"That the whipping post be estab
lished at Peace Monument, at the en
trance to the Capitol.
"That the bill be made to apply to
wlfechasers as well as to wifebeaters.
"That It be made a crime for bacbJV
clors (like Mr. Adams) to 'feloniously
refuse to take a wife.'
"That a platform be erected for the
whipping on top of Washington's Mon
ument in order that the public might
get a good view of it.
"That a man guilty of non-support
of his family be put on the rack.
"That a wife deserter shall bo
pinched with red-hot tongs.
"That all men 23 years or more, re
fusing to marry, shall stand In the pil
lory, and if at the end of six months
they still refuse, burning at the stake
shall follow.
"That women who arc common
scolds, commonly known as 'h I cats.
shall be ducked in the Potomac river
not less than five nor more than 13
times.
"That the President, members of his
Cabinet and members of the Senate and
House of Representatives be exempt."
DOINGS IN THE COUNTRY.
Teacher Seeks Other Jewels.
Olex Corr. Condon Globe.
Every one has a good word for our
teacher, but It is rumored that she is
wearing a diamond, and we fear we shall
not have her another year.
iMlitor Kelley's Neglected Brains.
Elktcn Corr. Drain Nonpareil.
I see my old friend Kelley has started a
paper In Yoncalla. Well, I am sure I
wish tho old man success. He has plenty
of brains, if he will only use them.
Hot Pace of a Fast Finisher.
Table Rock Corr., Med ford Mist.
S. K. Adams has been doing consider
able driving lately and barely hitting the
high places. From the pace he sets we
rather think there Is a good deal on tap
and that he is right close to the finishing
point.
A Bishop Who Knows His Business.
Philomath Review.
We learned a new trick this week (eat
ing sugar on sauer kraut), and Bishop
Castle, who is a connoisseur of eatables
of rare ability, taught us how. To those
who have a tooth for something new we
would recommend giving this a trial.
Tho Gallant Jim Ashley.
Cathlamct Sun.
One of Brookflcld's well-known society
young men, James Ashley, has conic to
the front with a new stunt. 2s ot long
since Jim had occasion to take a pretty
girl of the vicinity to a social dance. So
far. so good, but before reaching the fair
one's house a young married lady of the
locality asked him to assist her in taking
her children to the social. Jim. rather
than tell her his immediate plans for
the evening, took the younger of the two
children and carried it not only to th
ball but. in going there, some two miles
out of his way to the residence where
his "expected" one was waiting, and
thence to the place. of the social. Tt Is
added that Jimmic did not care to dance
the first waltz. He rested It out. Jim
now says it Is a hard old world on single
fellows, whose arms are not used to surh
like.
One of Lincoln's nomcs Tumbling
Down.
New York World.
The old log building that from 1S31 to
1S36 was the home of Abraham Lincoln
is fast falling into decay on the home
stead, two miles from the village of
Petersburg, III. The only attempt to keep
the house from tumbling down has been
to prop it up with poles at one end. not
so much to preserve the historic struc
ture as to prevent its falling upon th
horses and cattle which it now shelters.
AH around are piles of cobs and barn
yard litter.
John D. Hofing now owns the farm.
The building was once a widely known
tavern, kept by Bowling and Nancy
Green. There Lincoln resided in the five
years he made New Salem his headquar
ters. The two-mile drive from Peters
burg to Salem is along tho banks of the
picturesque Sangamon.
It was at Salem that Lincoln wooed
Ann Rutledge, whose untimely death
caused even his strong mind to give away
temporarily. Her grave in Oakwoods
Cemetery Is visited by many tourista It
is. marked, by a plain granite boulder,
taken from the nearby stream. On the
rough sides is carved the name "Ann
Rutledge." That is all, but it tells of a
story of dovoted love that was inter
rupted by death, yet never wholly lost.
The memories that cluster about that
grave will never fade. Lincoln always
maintained that the spirit of Ann Rut
ledge was constantly near him and was
his inspiration and support in the years
that followed.
This Man Should "Get Wise."
Providence Journal.
When the president of a college foe
young women says that these "cannot
take the Initiative and seek husbands."
he Is either deplorably ignorant of the
nature of the sex with which he has such
constant association or else a college edu
cation has a far more serious effect upon
that sex than even Its enemies have hith
erto thought possible.
Kubclik.
Julia B. Worthley In Kansas City
tar.
Cross the Hortobogzyer Czarda.
(When I heard Kubellk play),
I saw riders dash away
Horses like the storm-wind fleet.
Thunderous their tossing feet;
Overhead, an eacle's cry,
Puesta levels flashlnc by.
Long whips curling, snail-like, there,
"Wild manes floating- on the air,
As Clkoa and Gyusy ride
Emulously, side by aide.
Io! above them Is the sky.
Black, threatening, a storm draws nigh.
Laughing, they hall It with- slee.
In acorn, whirl their whins wildly.
Crying, "Storm-wings! Now, now!
-How swift steeds of Hungary!"
'Crow the Hortobogsyer Csarda,
Like wlnsed fiends the horses go.
To the flashing- of their four feet
E'en the lightning seeraeth alow.
The faces grow strained and thin.
Hard breath draws the noatrila ln.
Muscles tense of molded steel
Neither whip nor spur can feel.
Swift behind the sharp wind drives.
Its "dark wing the daylight hides.
And Its voice la hoarse with wrath.
Loudly there the Clkoa laughs:
"Slothful are thy wings, O wind! .
Look! the Hartobojczyer Inn,
And the Puesta, wet with rain.
Dust-dry Is my horse's- mane!"
Hell die Czarda,
, Bel! t say,
"Whea -I hear