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THE MORNING OREGONIAN, THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 1906.
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PORTLAND. THURSDAY, FEB. IB. 1000.
THE SHIT-SUBSIDY BILL.
As was expected, the Senate lias
passed the ship-subsidy bill. The ef
fect will be to take money from the
Treasury, -paid in by tall the people, and
turn it over to a group of subsidy-seekers,
already rich, for their further en
richment: and to build up in the coun
try another great and oppressive trust,
auxiliary to the steel trust, or part of
it. Should the subsidy lead to ship con
struction in American shipyards, it
would be, under present circumstances,
-virtually a further bonus paid to the
steel trust. For hitherto the cost of
constructing merchant ships In Ameri
can yards has been made unduly high
by combinations supported by pro
tective tariff, which compel the pay
ment for structural steel and ship
plates of a much higher price than is
demanded by these same producers of
foreign shipbuilders when they pur
chase similar commodities.
Haven't we trusts enough? Hasn't
the eteel trust, with which the subsidy
ship trust will ally itself, money, enough,
or making profits enough? But a little
while ago it published its report, show
ing thatthe earnnigs for the past year
were, approximately, $120,000,000; yet it
had unfilled orders to the amount of
over T.000,000 tons. Its high-handed
looting is now to be increased by a
new demand forced by subsidy for
ships, at the expense of the general
business and labor of the country.
That is, if the bill should become a
law. But it may not. It has yet to get
the approval of the House and the Pres
ident Ship freights are now very low; so
low ihat foreign shipowners are getting
only meager returns. This bill will not
lower the rates, but will increase them;
for the intention of it Is to get higher
rates for American ships, through
bounties paid from the Treasury, than
now are paid to foreign ships, which
carry the greater part of our ocean
commerce. If it be true that foreign
ers can do this work at rates ruinously
cheap, why not allow them?
The Senate is the intrenched camp qf
"such schemes as this. It is not possible
that this measure ojf colossal graft can
or will obtain the approval of the peo
ple of the United States. Let it become
an Issue in a general election and we
shall see.
OBSTRUCTION IN THE SENATE.
Opposition in the Senate, Intrenched
seat of capitalistic power, will do its
best, or worst, to emasculate the rail
way rate bill that has passed the
House. Amendments and substitutes
wre offered from every quarter. Mis
representation of the bill Is one of the
favorite methods of opposition. All the
ratemaking power that is given to the
Commission is simply this: On com
plaint of a shipper that a rate is "unjust
or unreasonable the Commission may
declare what is a just and reasonable
rate, and its order shall go into effect
in thirty days after notice to the car-'
rler, and remain in force until it be sus
pended modified or set aside by the
Commission itself or by a court of com
petent jurisdiction.
But though the bill contains this rate
making feature, its main object is to
put an end to rebates and discrimina
tions, by placing all shippers as nearly
as possible on an equality. Power to
Initiate rates Is not given to the Com
mission; no power is given it to read
just classifications of freight. Yet,
aside from giving the Commission
power to substitute a just and reason
able rate for one that may be found'un
just and unreasonable, the proposed
law does aim to give control over the
private-car, refrigeration, the spur
track and other devices by which re
bates are now paid; for it must be un
derstood that the old and crude form
of cash rebate has practically disap
peared and in its place are such devices
as those we have here enumerated. It
Is well known that certain lines of pri
vate cars long since secured a practical
monopoly of all that transportation
which requires special dispatch and an
ice service. Many of the .railroads In
deed complain that they have been
"held up" by these -shippers.. If so,
this feature of the law will -be no hard
ship to them.
No matter what such ranters as Till
man may say, the masses of the people
wish well to the railroads and have no
disposition to oppress them. What they
do want is equal and reasonable serv
ice. In' this direction the present bill is
merely"a tentative effort. Experience
with it, should It become a law. will
show, in a .little time, whether it will
meet any actual requirement, or not.
If the abuses of which so many nave
complained do not really exist, but are
figments of the imagination. - this bill
rilay help to develop the fact, and there
by satisfy the people without Injuring
the railroads.
'TIS AN OLD STORY.
Now it 4s said The Oregonian's ex
pression, of doubt about Baker. &. Crab
tree, and- their scheme of WOO.000,000.
can be accounted for only by "influence
of the Harrlman interests." How long
has It been not five months since The
Oregonian was denounced for its al
leged hostility to the Harriman inter
ests, because It was speaking severely
of the delay of the Union-Southern
combination In pushing .the devekp
men of Oregon?
This newspaper desires above all
things the Introduction of measures ac
tual and real for development of Ore
gon and the Northwest. It engages in
no schemes of rake-off and profit, on
imaginary projects of exploitation. It
leaves these things to franchise
mongers and confidence operators, who
try to throttle everything they cannot
control or direct, and who carry on
their alleged newspaper on this basis
and for these purposes.
Lytle Is putting his money into an ac
tual undertaking. The Oregonian has
no sympathy with a" gang who would
crush him, or force him out. at a loss.
It is just as well to be plain about these
things.
Let Baker & Crabtree come forward
.with their $300,000,000. Men so rich have
"no standing to ask for gifts oClandp,
townsites, timber, farm and dairy prod
ucts, with which to build great rail
roads. The late Judge Bellinger, in
ISTOj' wrote a report on this style of rail
road promotion, which would be worth
reproduction, as actually classical.
In every generation, in every year,
and at every supposed opportunity,
there are -promoters from abroad who
have all sorts or fantastical and phan
tasmagorical schemes, which they want
to "finance" on gifts and subsidies.
They get the aid of home talent, that
chases pictures and phantoms and
wants "to get in on the ground floor."
Bosh, and bosh, and bosh, to the :fourth
power, and then to infinity!
THE ANNUAL PENSION STORY.
With the persistent recurrence of
things inevitable, the pension appropri
ation bill came up In the House of Rep
resentatives last week. The present
ment was not unusually startling,
though it de3lt with figures the immen
sity of which It is difficult to grasp,
even In this day. In which millions trip
lightly from tongue and pen when deal
ing with private fortunes and public
benefactions.
Forty years after the close of the
Civil War the pension appropriation,
is, we are told, at its maximum. Mr.
Gardiner, of Michigan. In charge of the
measure, gave with it an Interesting
compilation of information concerning
pensions, past, present and prospective.
The grand roll of the Nation's benefi
ciaries contains at present 1.000,000
names; of these, 53,524 represent pen
sioners of other wars mostly of the
Spanish War. The fund provided to
liquidate the claims of these pension
ers aggregates $1,390,000 annually. The
Civil War cost a grand total of 6,000,
000,000. Up to the present lime half of
this sum has been paid out?for penrions,
and Mr. Gardiner predicts that before
the last name is stricken by death from
the roll the first cost of the war will
have been duplicated in pensions. The
sum paid out on this account Is just
one-fourth of all the annual expendi
tures of the Government. In 1S67 the
Interest on the public debt was 5143,781,
591, and the pension roll called for $20,
933,551; now these two sums arc prac
tically reversed.
These figures are given, not in a crit
ical spirit, but for public information.
In order that the exceeding liberality
of the Nation toward Its veteran sons
may be more fully appreciated, com
parison is instituted between our pen
sion policy and that of other great na
tions. The annual expenditure of
France for pensions is $26,000,000; of
Germany, JLOOOUQOO; of Austria-Hungary,
510,000,000, and of Great Britain
$9,000,000. There are already more
names of Spanish -veterans on the pen
sion roll than were enrolled In Shatter's
entire army in Cuba.
In the matter of fraudulent pensions
there can be but one opinion. The
same may 4e said to be true in regard
to deserved pensions. No patriot
grudges the veteran his quarterly sti
pend from the Government, for which
In his youth or his prime he fought, and
in the service of which he became dis
abled. This represents the true pension
idea. That our pension policy has far
outgrown this idea is true; that this
growth, or overgrowth, was due to po
litical activity rather than patriotic fer
vor is also true. But on the whole the.
great burden is carried cheerfully and
its yearly dwindling from this time for
ward will be a pathetic reminder of the
final passing of the "Grand Army" that
in war and peace has been in the per
spective of our National life, since at
the call of Abraham Lincoln its first
detachment marched into the field.
THE CIIAMPOEG-SUCKER RAILROAD.
Persistent rumors that the cities of
Champoeg and Sucker are at last to be
connected by a railroad have caused in-
tense excitement among the farmers
along the proposed route. Champoeg, it
is well known, is a city on the silvery
Willamette which has never had half a
chance In the world. The Jealousy of
Salem on the south and Portland on the
north has squeezed out its very life
blood and held It In commercial serf
dom; but at last Its opportunity has ar
rived. Sucker Is a. city In .Eastern Ore
gon, the commercial metropolis of the
Sucker-Creek country, about ten miles
from the Snake River and on the Ne
vada line.
The new railroad is to be financed by
a St. Louis syndicate which controls
about $500,000,000, said to have been de
posited in a Portland bank as a guar1
antee of good faith. The syndi
cate has the warm approval of the
transportation committee of the
Champoeg Chamber of Commerce,
and reports from Sucker announce
that the people of "that city have
every confidence In Us ability to do
what it promises. The route of the
road as now, decided upon will follow
the Willamette to Portland; thence
lalong the Base Line road to the summit
of Mount Hood; thence to Meacham.
in the Blue Mountains. From Meacham
the survey runs south on the peak of
the main ridge of the Blue Mountains
to the Harney County line, whence it
strikes southeast through the sagebrush
to Sucker. It is oroDosed to build ih
-line from Champoeg to .Portland oa
pites in iiie nnuuie oi me uiuarnette.
This ingenious scheme will combine for
the .passengers the delights -of river and
railroad travel, and is expected to at
tract many tourists from the East. At
Willamette Falls there will be a shoot
the chutes, which all trains will go
down while the passengers keep their
seats. From th summit of Mount
Hood to Meacham the syndicate is de
bating whether to support the road on
cement piers ranging from 12,000 to G000
feet in height, or to suspend the track
from balloons. The transportation com
mittee is said to favor the litter plan
because It Is cheaper and will also save
expense for the right of way.
The latter consideration is immater
ial, however, because the syndicate
hopes to secure a right of way as a
free gift, not only from the farmers
around Sucker, but from suckers on
farms along the entire route. This is
the only concession It asks, with the
exception of a deed to all the land
within six miles of the track on each
side and a cash bonus from each county
equal to one-half Its assessed valuation.
Unless the good people along the route
lare willing to lend their assistance and
co-operation to this trifling extent, the
road win not be built. The syndicate
does not need the money, but it feels
that to build a railroad for a lot of
farmers not ready to sacrifice their all
in the good cause of millionaire-making
would be undignified. The farmers
need be under no opprehenslons, for,
even if the road Is never built, the
deeds and bonds will hold good forever.
This point has been decided in many
famous cases. Breathes there a man
in Oregon with soul so dead that he
will not gladly give away his farm to a
railroad company? Perish the thought.
'Railroad syndicates, like Insurance
companies, are purely philanthropic en
terprises. They exist, not for paltry
pelf, but to minister to the sick and
suffering. He that deeds his farm to a
railroad corporation lendeth unto the
Lord. It is bread cast upon "the waters
which shall return unto him after
many, very many, days. It Is reported
that the owners of the Marquam The
ater contemplate deeding It to the syn
dicate for a depot site. Let us all fol
low their example and give, not accord
ing to our means, but according to our
love.
-THAN GREATNESS GOING OrF."
John A. McCall, some time president
of the New Tork, Life Insurance Com
pany. Is dying. The doctors say his
complaint Is congestion of the liver and
acute nephritis; he is really dying of a
broken heart. McCurdy is also 111 and
will not live fong. They perish more
sinned against than sinning the scape
goats of a wicked system which they
dld-not originate and In whose opera
tions thej' were topis rather than .prin
cipals. Socially ambitious, but of me
diocre Intellect and feeble will, they
were used by abler and less scrupulous
men to work out schemes whose pur
port they did not understand and whose
iniquity they could not fathom.
The Oregonian has remarked recently
that the procession of human events is
through vicarious sacrifice. The wretch
ed end of these two sad but unlovely
men Illustrates the truth of the observa
tion. Their disgrace has diverted public
indignation from the more potent and
far more guilty men who played with
McCall and McCurdy like puppets in a
pantomime and who now flourish In
social esteem and financial splepdor
while their forlorn victims perish in
poverty and,shaxnc. The earthen and
the brasen pots set out to float down
the Ganges in company. The waves
dashed them together. The earthen
pots were shattered and sunk; the bra
zen floated gaily out to sea.
The ethical drama of high finance
which occupies the stage of the world
today repeats with manifold variations
the tale of Faust and Mephlstopheles.
McCall and McCurdy played the pitiful
role of Fuust. Perkins, Morgan, Ryan
and others, whose hands have been felt
but not seen, play that of Mephisio
phclcs. The Ingenious and Invincible
devil disports himself in all freedom
upon the arena of American life- In
our Legislatures he finds plenty of
Fausts to bewray with his plausible
guile. He assaults the courts with an
army of imps whom we call corporation
lawyers. It Is not beneath him In the
beef trust trial to tempt ycung men with
bribes and lure human souls to damna
tion to gain a legal advantage. The
fashion In this country is to talk of the
perils of mob rule. Our institutions arc
in danger, it Is said, from the passions
of thfr "lower classes." The only real
dangers America has ever experienced
have come from the pernicious activi
ties of wealthy oligarchies; now the oli
garchy of slaveholders, now the pluto
cratic oligarchy of high finance. The
devil of gilded greed is now and has al
ways been the only formidable enemy
of democratic institutions.
McCall lies dying of a broken heart.
Shakespeare knew how fatal that mal
ady is. Henry V made a vicarious of
fering of poor old Falstaff to cleanse
his reputation when he came to the
throne, and the pathetic buffoon never
smiled again, but pined away as our
modern Falstaff. Chauncey Depew,
peaks and pines today. How quickly
Cardinal Wolsey, after his fall, sick
ened and died. No malady is more
fatal than the loss of reputation and
esteem. Stern Indeed must be the soul
who can survive irretrievable disgrace
and go on living after life has lost Its
savor. The soul withers under -social
reprobation, the -courage of the heart
falls, and death comes -as -the last and
best of friends. For a man blasted by
Irremediable dishonor perhaps the Ro
man way was bravest and best to die
by his own sword as Brutus did at Phll
ippl and Cato when he had lost Utlca.
Professor James, the great psycholo
gist, holds that the esteem of our fellow-men
is as rrfuch a part of us as
our own bodies. When we have lost it,
ho nobly teaches, we have lost a mem
ber deeply vital, and. If we go on liv
ing at all. It Is only as men maimed
and broken, for whom death were bet
ter. rTo incur obloquy In a good cause
Is nardly to be endured by the .bravest
men; what -consolation remains for one
like -McCall, whom shame befalls be
cause of his weakness and perfidy, but
the oblivion of the endless sleep?
The soul and body rive not snore In parting
Than greatness rolna- off.
The See-America Leogue will hold a
session today in Portland, to stimulate
further a movement that has already
appealed strongly to the fancy, patriot
ism and reison of all Americans, Pub
lic attention attracted by the Seeing-America-First
movement Is much
greater than Its originators anticipated.
Editorial comment has found a place in
the columns of the newspapers of the
country, almost without exception. The
transcontinental railroad lines either
carry the words "See America iFJrst"
or the full motto of the leagued "See
Europe If you will, but see America
First." 1c their advertising matter,
whether Issued as pamphlets, circulars
or occupying space in the leading mag
azines and newspapers. The states of
the inter-mountain region and Pacific
Coast naturally expect to gain a large
percentage of the benefits which will
accrue through Increased American
.travel, and through a better knowledge
of the wonderful natural attractions
that are so prolific in this land of nat
ural wonders, but the Eastern people
are taking up the movement because
money spent In Europe is lost to every
section of the United States, while
money spent In travel in the United
States, Canada and Mexico comes back
to the trade and manufacturing centers
of the older states.
The Wllsey scheme of $28,000,000 for a
Coast railroad, through the appeal It
makes for subsidies of land and timber
and townsites and cash and what not.
has what the French would call the tout
ensemble of a promoter's scheme. The
part of the proposal that looks to con
struction from Portland to Nehalcm
and Tillamook bears every appearance
of a scheme to hamstring Lytle's en
terprise. Strange that after everybody
had been praying for a road from Port
land to the Coast and Tillamook for
years and years, and a well-known cit
izen of Oregon has embarked his cap
ital In it, the very first thing that
should appear Is a proposition calcu
lated to weaken If not destroy It. And
yet not so strange, either, for Portland
has always had ""knockers." Portland
has and always has had those who
would have nothing done unless they
could do It themselves, or compel trib
ute from those doing It. We believe
that Portland has more faith In Lytle's
undertaking than in any scheme like
this paper exploitation.
If Mr. Baker and Mr. Crabtree, of St.
Louis, or Baker & Crabtree, bankers, of
St. Louis, have $300,000,000 to put Into
railroads In Oregon, we shairwelcome
them. But It Is an old story, from the
time A- J. Cook & Co. started It in Ore
gon In 1S8 and stood then In the way
of the beginning of our railway devel
opment. With $300,000,000 Baker &
Crabtree will not desire the gift of tim
ber" lands, of agricultural lands, of
ports and townsites, of cash and coun
try produce, of subscriptions of day la
bor, of hay and turnips, of oats, butter,
eggs and cheese. All this Is an old
story for Oregon. It was prevalent
twenty-five to forty years ago; but
years have withered It and custom has
staled the variety even the infinite
variety in which it has displayed Itself.
It may be fit for Joe Teal and green
horns who hope to "get In" on it or
with It. But It's as old as any of the
oldest of the games of "promoters."
Meantlmo we are glad to see Lytle
pushing his Tillamook Railroad.
Cable companies are receiving no lit
tle revenue from tolls, on press mes
sages that record the courtship of two
very young people who are soon to be
married. The boy is the King of Spain;
the girl Is an English Princess. This
marriage will be the first union of
the English and Spanish royal lines
In S00 years. When It takes place
there is likely to be a lot of talk, more
or less foolish, about closer political
relations between Spain and England
and various homilies on the value of
royal marriages. Because democracy
and not autocracy prevails today In the
government of most European counJ
tries; the royal marriage as an agency
of intcrmtional good-will has long
coased to be effective. The sentiment
of the people Is more potent than the
executlve'6 In the shaping of policies.
The old theory that royalty roust mate
from motives of policy and not because
of affection has no place In these days
of advancing civilization and growing
common sense.
A correspondent who has evidently
had occasion to look carefully Into the
matter complains that The Oregonian,
which stands for pure English, makes
no distinction In the use of the words
"declination" and "declinature." The
former, he contends, is not accepted as
good English, when used to describe the
act of declining, except In the United
States. Without stopping to discuss
the probable sensation The Oregonian
would make if it were to say that the
"declinature of Candidate So-and-So
has been accepted," or the "declina
ture of your poem you will find In
closed," It will say merely that any
word that Is universally used In the
United States Is good enough English
for anybody, and If the English don't
like it, we can lick 'em and take Can
ada. Meanwhile. The Oregonian re
prints on tills page a brief but inter
esting article from another paper o.n
the English of the London Times.
Richards, they say, now is going to
take out his "boxes" and run an "open"
restaurant and a hotel. The same
should be made a ruie. and strictly en
forced, for all similar places In Portland.
But will It? Probably not; but we
shall see. Probably, however, there will
not be immediate resumption of the
business of serving liquors to "ladles
and gentlemen" In the barroom of the
Hotel Portland, for a while The light
thrown In there has been even a
brighter light than that set before the
Richards place. Greatest of all moral
agencies is light. Truth is, no "private
boxes," for eating and drinking, ought
to be allowed in Portland or anywhere
else. Persons of good behavior have no
objection to sitting at table In the open.
People who didn't Know anything
r about bridges clamored for a "bascule"
bridge at Portland. All persons who
knew enough about bridges to entitle
them to an opinion pronounced against
a bridge of tint type at Portland. But
this wouldn't do; so a Junket committee
was sent East -to eee. Now, upon in
quiry, this committee finds the truth
Just as stated by bridge experts here.
People who pretend to knowledge but
don't know are very tedious people.
In the City of New Tork there are 11,-'
000 shops where liquors are sold at re
tail; In Chicago. 6740; In Philadelphia,
1737; In Boston. SSO; In St. Louis, 2253; In
San Francisco, ISM. The supply in all
cities is fully equal always to the de
mand. The Mayor's Gct-Together Club Is a
good Idea, und works charmingly. It
has Indeed never been so hard for some
of the Mayor's happy official family to
get together as to keep apart.
The Richards case may be ended, but
that Is no reason why either Brother
Brougber or Brother Shepherd should
cease to search the Scriptures. I
Portland, we are told, needs a second
fire boat. There Is some suspicion that
we have yet to.get'urvflrst.
THE PESSIMIST.
"Success" tells how Jean Lenox, a
young lady of Charleston, S. C, wrote
a popular song. It took her 12 minutes
to write It, and all the while she was
combing her hair. Nothing was said
about how much she was paid for the
song. Th'ey probably paid her 12 cents.
Joseph Le Berge. who broke open and
stole the money In a number of auto
matic slot gas meters. Instead of bcjng
sent to prison should be given a vote
of thanks for suggesting a way to get
even with the gas company! "
The candidates for the Yellowstone
Park trip are getting better looking all
the time.
The Rev. Newton Mann, a Unitarian
clergyman, in his book "The Evolution
of a Great Literature.- says that Moses
was probably a mythical character,
that Samuel was a fortune-teller and
a clairvoyant, and that Ezeklel had
wheels In his head. I guess that's about
the limit in higher criticism.
According to the Paris Figaro:
The King or Enrland almost always has a
ctrar In his mouth, bat when with hla Inti
mate friends he puffs a short briar-root pipe.
The Emperor of Germany Is forbidden by bis
physician to touch tobacco, but sometimes he
light a cigarette and throw it away when
half smoked. KInr Carlca smokes superb
cigars, olden, brown and frasrant. and of
Portuguese make. Alphonao XIII prefers cig
arette to cigars, and Nicholas II consumes
dally about 30 clkarettes of the Russian va
riety. Emperor Francis Joseph, in .spite of hi
advanced age. smokea a pipe from morning' to
night, and King Leopold smokes about 12
cigars a day.
The nasty, horrid things!
"What to "Wear. A widower fcr the first
18 month should wear complete suit of
black, black luaterles silk cravats, white lin
en, cuff-llnka of dull black enamel, dull black;
leather shoe, black gloves and a crepe hat
band. Exchange.
A grass widower may wear a green
necktie.
In accordance with a curious freak
of sentiment in America, graduating
exercises arc called "commencement"
exercises. The end of the thing that is
being talked about is "called the com
mencement. Of course the word com
mencement is taken as applying to the
beginning of real life after the schol
ars are through with school. That is
thought to be a very pretty Idea, but
wc could, with equal appropriateness
designate entrance examinations Into
universities as graduating exercises.
It Is often said that the English peo
ple have no sense of humor, and that
they cannot appreciate an American
Joke. Now here arc four English JokeR
that I found after considerable trouble.
Everyone may laugh as much as he
wants to.
"Would you mind walking the other
way and not passing the horse?" said
a London cabman, to the fat lady who
had Just paid the minimum fare.
"Why?" she Inquired.
"Because If 'e sees wot es been car
rying for a shilling cil 'ave a fit."
The following sublime paragraph is
from one of the latest fashionable
novels:
"With one hand he held her beauti
ful head above the chilling waves, and
with the other called loudly for assist
ance." . Cabby "I 'ad a beard like yours once,
but when I found what it made me look
like I cot It cut off." Bussy "An' I 'ad
a face like yours once, an' when I found
I couldn't get It cut off I grew a beard."
Misguided Walts (of slender repertoire,
but vast persistence) "Noel! Noel! Noel!"
Saturnine householder "Isn't there? If I
come down to you I'll make you alter your
opinion!"
That last joke is better than it looks.
To understand It. however, one should
know that a "Walt" Is a thing they have
In England. He stands outside under a
window on Christmas eve and sings until
someone throws something at him, or
pays him something to go away.
His Last Jag.
(Continued from Yesterday.)
As I lay along the gutter, too drunk to
even mutter.
Up there came another cop that I'd
often seen before.
Not the least obeisance made he. not a
minute stopped or stayed he,
But with his club ho flayed me, smashed
me like he did of yore.
I'd been upon a fearful bust, so he
smashed mo more and more.
Until I fainted and knew no more.
Then along there came the wagon, and
they put me and my Jag on.
And down the street to the cooler, a
ghastly drunk they bore.
Rushing down, they took me, and the
wagon's bumping shook me.
And at the Jail they booked me as a
chronic, who'd oft been there before
In the tank they left me groaning,
snoring, lying on the floor
Moaning on the Iron floor.
I
Much I marveled long and vainly upon
the circumstance ungainly.
Though my ponderlngs little meaning
little relevancy bore;
But I could not help agreeing, that no
living, human being
Ever yet had chance of seeing such a
head on man before.
Such an awful, fearful, aching head on
any man before.
Will It atop? OI Nevermore.
In the morning bright and early, at his
desk, severe and surly,
I faced the Judge, the yearnings of my
soul to him outpour;
But not a word could I utter, not a
sound or murmur, splutter.
When I heard the old man mutter: "I
have seen you here before;
Six years I'll slvc you. and ne'er again
will you a bar, lean o'er.
To quench your thirst, nevermore."
And they dragged him away to the
rock-pile. M. B. WELL3.
Death Son?.
"Lay me down beneaf de wlllers la de grass.
Whan de braac&'U go a-tingla? as It pass.
'An' Wen I's a-layln low I kla hyeaa It as
it go
Stngln' "Sleep, my honey, tek yo rest' at
last.'
"Lay me nigh to whah hlt'meks a little pool.
An' de watac Stan's bo quiet lak an cool.
Whah de little birds In Spring- est tp come
an' drink an' star.
An de chllltn waded on dey way to school.
"Let mi settle wen my shcufcSahs drop dey
load
Nigh enough to hyh da noUs in de road.
!Fu I t'lnk de las' long- res' .
Qwlne to scoth my sperrlt be'
EC I'r tayln 'monr de thlng I's alius
knowtd."
' " rUl Lawreeca Dunbar.
' THE THUNDERER'S ENGLISH.
Saturday Evening Post.
The following are interesting examples
of the Ironclad rules laid down by the
'London Times in its handbook setting
forth its code of customs governing the.
grammar, spelling, punctuation, capital
ization and phrasing to bo used by its
writers.
The repbrter for the Thunderer Is never
allowed to say "under the circumstances."
According to the Times, "In the circum
stances" fa the phrase to be used.
An ordinary sentence written by an
amateur newspaper man would probably
be ruthlessly blue-penciled by a Times
sub-editor. The reporter might, perhaps,
write something like this:
"Witness commenced by saying he had
met deceased previous to going to
Perkins'."
This is not a good sentence, but it
would pass muster in most quarters. A
Times sub-edltfer, however, would nearly
faint at the sight of It, for, from his point
of view, it contains no fewer than seven
errors.
To begin with, the Times never refers
to "witness," but to "the witness." Sec
ondly. It never uses the word "commence,"
but always "begin." "By saying he had"
suggests an omission the word "that."
"Deceased" Is on the Times' black-list,
andJf reference Is made to a person who
has died, he Is always mentioned as "the
late Mr. Blank." From the standpoint of
the Times, "previous to" Is wrong. On
the Times. It must cither be "previously
to" or simply "before." Furthermore,
"to going" la colloquial, and. as such, will
not do. The reporter must say "to his
going." Finally. "Perkins " would not
be printed, as In using the possessive of a
word ending In "s" the Times always
adds another "s" thus: "Perkins's."
When the sentence under consideration
appeared in type It would read:
"The witness began by saying that he
had met the late Mr. Blank previously to
his going- to Perkins's."
The word "applause," as frequently
used in reports of speeches at a public
meeting, is tabooed by the Times, which
always employs the word "cheers." An
other peculiarity of the Times parlia
mentary reports is In the use of the first
and third person. An ordinary speech by
a private member or a lesser minister
will be reported in the third person,xthus:
"Mr. Smith said that he had listened to
the honorable member." etc. Had Mr.
Balfour, Mr. Chamberlain or Lord Lans
downe been speaking, the report would be
given in the first person.
In writing of a blue book, most British
newspapers begin both words with a cap
ital letter. The Times capitalizes "Blue"
alone. To Illustrate Its peculiarities of
spelling, "parsimony" Is. according to the
Times, "parclmony." The use of the
word "I," except as uttered by a speci
fied person, is black-listed, and a Times
critic must always write in an. "Imperson
al" fashion.
Washlngtonia.
Lippincott's.
One morning Vice-President John Adams
was passing through the President's office
when he noticed on Washington's, desk a
huge mucilage pot.
"My. my. Tour Excellency." exclaimed
Adams, "why have you so large a paste
pot?" "Oh." replied Washington, good-naturedly,
"that's my big stick."
"General Washington.5 cried an excited
patriot, rushing frantically into the pres
ence of the great soldier, "the Second
Continental Congress has voted to raise
20.C00 menv and you are appointed commander-in-chief."
"To raise 20.CC0 men." repeated Wash
ington, thoughtfully. "Ah. I see. They
are preparing me to become the father of
my country."
Secretary Shaw's "Watch.
Indianapolis News.
Congressman Hedgo of Iowa holds that
Secretary Shaw is one of the best political-
campaigners In the country. "No
body ever gets away," said Hedge, "if
Leslie gets a chart ce to address him per
sonally. "In one campaign he carried a splendid
new watch. After addressing an audience
he would circulate among the voters, say
ing to this man and that: 'I wish you
would give mo the correct time. I'm
afraid of losing my train.'
"Of course, each man complied, feeling
flattered at the request. Shaw used to
say It was hard on the watch, but he be
lieved the votes ho won in this way more
than made up."
Taft as a Crusher.
New Yqf-fc Globe.
"I didn't say cursed; I said Taft nearly
crushed me.'" (Mr. John F. Wallace,
ex-ehlef engineer of the Panama Canal.)
This belated rectification Is very wel
come, and places the Incident in a much
less heinous light. It Is now evident
why the almost-accldent made such an
impression on Mr. Wallace. Taft as a
curser Is obviously not formidable; but as
a crusher. It Is doubtful if the Govern
ment possesses his equal, outside of the
hydraulic presses at the navy yard.
Bright Outlook for Cattlemen.
Heppner Times.
Report says that the cattlemen of
Central Oregon feel very hopeful of
higher prices for their cattle this
Spring than for several years The
reason stated fbr their faith In an ad
vance of prices is the scarcity of beef
stock throughout the central part of
the state. The past few weeks there
have been large shipments of beef
from most all shipping points in East
ern Oregon, and It is said on good au
thority that about all prairie beef
stock has been marketed, leaving a
shortage that It is believed will result
In an advance of the cattle market.
Not a Pirate
Fllesrendo "Rlnttr
Critic (to wife of orchestra conductor)
"How is It that your husband does not
compose any music?"
Conductor's Wife "Oh, he Is far too
honest!"
Seven Months Today.
Sara Josephine Albright.
Jort seven months, my baby girl.
Just seven months today
So when you creep up to my chair
I'll lay my book away;
For there's a story In those eyss,
Ob. brown -eyed baby mine!
Far sweeter than the grandest prose 4
Or poet's richest line.
So come up to my arma, sweetheart.
And watch the moo-cows pass.
And make the nicest marks and noise
On mamma's window glass.
And see the dosfgie chase the cat
Way up the maple tree:
Yes, hold on tight to mammi, dear,
, Because he can't get me.
Those two cute teeth. Just peeping- through.
Are mamma'v chief delight;
Ohl I must make you laugh Just once
To show their tiny white!
So come. let's play at pat-a-cake
Give me those dimpled hands;
It's dreadful hard for baby girl.
But mamma understands.
Now pat-a-cake all by yourself.
Dear little baker man.
And make "those cookies Just as fast.
Sweet darllnx. as you can;
Ah. there! I see tha little teeth
A-shlnlng- through that smile!
Now let us put the cookies in
The oven fer a while.
Dada! Oh! say It once again! '
xour very neweat word
For mamma thinks it is the sweetest
Music ever heard.
The sand man's here our lesson's done.
'And I msat have my cay
A hundred" kisses, baby trl.
Just seven months today
NOT -HELLO, J0H&"
Mr. Gates Creates a Diverting Inci
dent in "Waldorf-Astoria.
New York Correspondence Chicago Inter
Ocean.
It will be many days before the regu
lars of the Waldorf-Astoria cease telling
the. story of the calling down John' W.
Gates gave to a gambler the other night.
Possibly Mr. Gates was not feeling well.
His name had been brought out in tK
malodorous Town Topics case that day
and the market had not acted right in
Wall street.
The gambler has an International repu
tation. He affects a deep Interest in art,
and he has wealth enough to be ranked
among millionaires. He was sitting on
one of the "great lounges in the corri
dor with a friend from out of town when
Mr. Gates hove In sight, coming from
Peacock alley toward the cafe. Several
acquaintances stopped, him to ask his
opinion of the market.
"Know who that stout man is?" asked
the gambler of his friend, not in the
way of a question, but as a basis to giv
ing information.
"No; who Is he?" was the reply.
"Gates the only John W.," said the
gambler.
"Indeed!" exclaimed the man from out
of town, much impressed.
A minute later Mr. Gates broke away
from th'e party about him.
As- he was passing the gambler and the
man from out of town the gambler said:
"Hello. John."
"Mr. Gates stopped, glanced at the two
men, knitted his brows as If perplexed,
and then started off again.
He had not taken two steps when the
gambler said. ''What's your hurry?"
Mr. Gates turned and walked back.
"Were you speaking to me?" "he In
quired. The gambler began to laugh. Turning
to his friend, he Raid: "John must have
his little joke. He Is a gay dog." Then,
addressing Mr. Gates, he continued,
"John, let me Introduce my friend Henry
Adklns."
Mr. Gates Ignored the introduction, but.
looking the gambler In the eye, he said
to him: "Sir. you 'have been a gambler
many years, but you seem to have failed
to learn one thing that every gambler
ought to know. That Is. never speak to
a gentleman unless the gentleman speaks
to you. In the social grade gamblers are
classed with fallen women. If I choose
to visit an establishment conducted by
you. that Is my private affair, and you
must not presume on It. If I elect to
recognize you In any public place, all
well and good. I have no desiro to offend
the person who Is with you. but I can
accept no introduction from you." With
that Mr. Gates turned and resumed his
trip to the cafe.
THINGS DOING IN THE COUNTRY
Draw a 'Straw, Get a Girl.
Corr. Dallas Itemizer.
The big boys around here draw straws
to see who will take the girls to parties.
Don't Think.
Butler Corr. Sheridan Sun.
Elery Tharp was seen riding toward
Yocom's Sunday. Wc don't know what to
think. n
Something Coming- From Mr. Irish.
Starbuck Star.
If that Colfax Sheriff ever shows hia
mug In Starbuck. he'll catch It. Jud
Irish lo laying for him 510 worth and costs.
No Woman at the Bottom of It?
McCoy Corr. Dallas Itemizer.
During a dance Saturday evening John
Ellis cut young White severely with a
knife, there being no reason for. it.
Destiny of Starbuck Journalism.
Starbuck Star.
The- Star enters upon her third year to
day. a3 crazy and "hard up" as ever. In
fact, as we look over her past life, we
find that she is gradually growing worse;
and unless the public comes to her res
cue, she will either be In the asylum or
her shirt-tall before long.
Baseball In February.
Ashland Tribune.
While people of Eastern States are
wearing earmuffs and goloshes, we Rogue
River folks are enjoying Spring weather.
Last week the first baseball game of tfce
season was played at Jacksonville. What
section of the East or Middle West north
of parallel 40 can equal this? And we
are north of parallel 42.
Memory Bad, But Sprinting Good.
St. Johns Review.
Marshal Hanks chased a man Sunday
for a half mile, pulled his gun. tried to
shoot, turned five summersaults and lost
his man. When the fellow was arrested
at Portsmouth later on he said he
"couldn't remember of being chased any."
Mr. Hanks will not enter any straight
away matches till In better practice.
Gentle Hint to Candidates.
Roseburg Review.
When you see a stranger wandering
around the streets of your town, looking
as. lonesome as an honest life insurance
president, set him down as a candidate
for a state office before the Republican
primaries and you will seldom make a
mistake. Most of this year's crop of as
pirants would stand a better show to win
if they stayed at home and cultivated the
genteel art of letter-writing.
"Wclconic.
Woodburn .Independent.
Gabriel, a mammoth jack, has just been
received 'by E. L. Boynton from Cedar
Rapids. Ia. The jack was bred in Ken
tucky and is one of the longest-bodied
and biggest-boned Jacks that has ever
struck the country. Like all the other
stock brought here by Mr. Boynton for
public service, this jack comes with a
reputation. He is all right and shows it.
No guesswork Is needed. Gabriel can
blow his own horn.
Good in Everything.
Kansas City Star.
"I once read a criticism of a novel in
which an author was ridiculed for saying
the hero walked away chewing his cigar
and whistling 'Yankee Doodle," said a
young man the other day. "The point of
the criticism was that no man could carry
a cigar In his teeth and whistle at the
same time. The Idea wa3 new to me. If
no man could do that stunt, here was a
chance for me to surpass mankind by
learning to whistle with a cigar in my
mouth."
"And did you learn to do It. Inquired
his friend.
"Have you a cigar In your pocket? I'll
show you."
The friend dug up a cigar and the other
lighted It. Putting it between his teeth
he puffed and whistled "Yankee Doodle"
at the same time.
"You've demonstrated that it can be
done," said the friend who had furnished
the.c!gar. "but after all what good does
It do you?"
"My friend." was the reply, 'everything
In this world serves a useful purpose.
This little gag of mine Is good for a life
time of free smokes." And It Is true.
Impossible.
Houston Post.
I once knew a maid,
Julletta;
Whose name me dismayed,
Julletta;
- She is sweet all the time,
But I'm free to say I'm
Lost for any old rhyme
But' Spaghetti!