8
THE 3I0RXIXG OREGONIAN, SATURDAY, JANUARY 27, 1906.
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PORTLAND, SATURDAY, JANUARY
PARASITES.
Chauncev Depew is a typical parasite.
All his days he hs fared sumptuously
on the fruit of other men's industry.
"but he never has done a useful act or
originated a useful idea. "His ability Is
somewhat above mediocrity, his voice
and person were pleasing in their
prime, and he had. a way of uttering
vapid platitudes which was singularly
adapted to tickle the ears of rich din
ers whose wits were befuddled with
rhamnatrne. Master of all the arts of
the courtier, he exercised them with
consummate skill upon the reigning
"millionaires in New York and became
the star favorite in their carnival of
corruption. As the Kings of old ed
vanced their procurers and jesters to
high station, so the millionaires made
Depew a director in four-score corpora
tions, placed him at the head of a great
railroad company, and ultimately ed
anced him to a seat In their own pe
culiar and exclusive club, the United
States Senate.
This was doing well by a parasite,
but rulers have ever been inclined to
deal generously with those who amused
them. It is in times of danger to his
patrons that the parasite must beware,
for they never hesitate to make a Jonah
of him and throw him overboard to still
the storm. No one is silly enough to be
lieve that Depew has been exiled from
his clubs, dropped by the Yale Corpora
tion and deserted by his wife because
he grafted from the Equitable Society.
His graft was comparatively trifling.
He was cast off, not for his sins, but
because a sacrifice had to be made to
appease public opinion. Yale can now
complacently polish the brass on her
hardy countenance and pose as a model
of virtue, for she has dropped Depew.
The millionaire insurance thieves are
ipurged of all their iniquity, for they
have cut Depew. The young woman
who married the senile buffoon for his
social position shrinks from sharing his
disgrace, and leaves him to drain the
cup of his misery alone. Alas, for the
poor old parasite. The dogs bark at
Qiim in the streets. Even the New York
Legislature bluphes to have made him a
Senator, and Town Topics will exclude
his name fom its columns.
For the columns of Town Topics are
exclusive. Thieves, pirates and para
sites are conceded the honor of black
mailing paragraphs only so long as
their social standing is unimpeached.
Depew, therefore, who can no longer
show his face in Mrs. Astor's drawing
room, will never again be mentioned
by Judge Deuel and Colonel Mann in
their weekly chronicle of scandal.
What would toe the use? A man who
has no social standing to lose is not
aikely to pay blackmail to retain It.
There is no blood in a turnip, and blood
is what this precious pair are after,
first, last and all the time. If Depew is
parasite of the same sort as the court
jester who used to make Kings laugh,
Deuel and Mann belong to that other
sort which made them scratch. These
creatures are lice upon the none too
cleanly body of society. "To suck, to
suck, to suck, the very blood to suck," is
-their motto, and however little they mav
like to see the truth about themselves
in print, they cannot now avoid it, for
Judge Deuel's action for libel against
Collier's Weekly .has failed. The law
will not protect their scandalous trade
an reputations, though, on the other
hand, it shows little disposition to in
terfere with them.
This may possibly be from that fellow
feeling which makes us wondrous kind
5n certain cases. At any rate, the legal
profession itself furnishes numerous ex
amples of parasites upon millionaire so
ciety, though of an order different from
cither Depew or Colonel Mann. In fact,
were we to study parasites scientifical
ly, we should have to arrangethem in
three classes, as horticulturists do
tougs. The much-pestered producers of
irult tell ofvbugs that suck, some that
gnaw and still others that bore; simi
larly,, of human parasites there are
some that amuse millionaires, like De
pew; some that prey upon them, like
Colonel Mann; and some that serve
them, like -corporation lawyers;
The third class is by far the most nu
merous, and, to the rest of mankind,
the most pernicious. It Includes those
lawyers who exercise a. perverted in
genuity to help a rich man who has
tmore money than he can use rob his
neighbor who has not enough to keep
Shim in comfort; those who devise
schemes to enable trusts to ibeat the
Jaw; those who, as members of Legis
3atures, draw up bills purposely uncon
stitutional to thwart the wishes of the
enlightened public; those who bedevil
the courts with dilatory pleas, like the
lawyers of the beef trust: and those
-
- I
rons, as Rockefeller's attorneys do con
stantly. All these are parasites -who
serve millionaires, but they do not ex
haust the species. It includes also, for
example, college professors who teach
DIngleyism and writers who defend it;
men who make pathetic pleas for a ship
subsidy to fill the pockets of suffering
trust magnates out of the wages or
workmen and farmers; and pulpit ora
tors who defend Rockefeller and the
ethics he represents.
Pushing the matter a little farther.
there are not only parasites upon mil
lionaires, but there are also million
aires who are 5parasltes upon the world
of industry. The great organizer who
employs capital in production and
keeps laborers busy certainly earns his
reward; but what of a family like the
Astors, whose sole occupation Is to
spend what others earn? A street rail
way owned by nonresidents is no less
a parasite upon the Industry of the city
than are the absentee landlords upon
ttvat of Ireland. The Armour car lines
suck the lifeblood from agriculture over
great areas of the United States. "When
a farmer observes a horse or cow pin
ing away without obvious cause, he
looks for parasites, though he uses a
shorter name, and generally flnds them.
President Roosevelt had the wisdom to
search out some of the parasites upon
the industry of the American people
and attack them before the country had
actually begun to droop. It is unljkely
that he can do a job as thoroughly as
the farmer does with his stock, but the
mere attempt Is salutary, whether it
succeeds or not-
KISSING THE I1IBLK.
Justice John M. Yirney, of New York,
has abolished in his court the custom
of requiring a witness to kiss the Bible
when he is sworn. It has never been
apparent why kissing the Bible should
help a witness tell the truth, nd we now
have Justice Ylrney's statement that
it has no such effect. According to him,
witnesses lie with even greater eager
ness and relish after osculatory contact
with the Scriptures than they do when
the ceremony Is omitted, though In both
cases their hardy disregard for truth
excites his horrified wonder.
Formerly no atheist was allowed to
testify in court; no man was thought
trustworthy who would not say he be
lieved there was a God, and this test for
veracity was used for many years until
It finally dawned upon the legal mind
that it is as easy to He about one's be
lief as about a matter of fact. Then
it was abandoned. Witnesses are still
required to call upon the deity to help
them tell the truth, though if a man
really wishes to stick to facts it would
seem that he might do so without the
aid of a miracle, and if he wishes to
evade facts no miracle seems ever to
Interpose to hinder, him.
The simple fact is that the use of the
Bible and the name of God in legal
ceremonies Is accepted by all parties.
Judge, Jury, lawyers and witnesses, as
an empty form. It has absolutely no
effect upon most people's testimony,
and. as Justice Yirney says, it Is a
desecration tending to hring into com
mon and contemptuous use things
which ought to be held sacred. The
distinction between a lie and a He un
der oath, as If the latter were the more
,depraved, has no foundation In logic or
morals. To admit such a distinction is
a piece of dangerous casuistry tending
to corrupt the common mind. To make
It the basis of the law of perjury is to
confirm the popular belief that legal
distinctions have nothing to do with
reason and justice, but ore evolved
from superstition and fetich worship.
Contempt, not reverence, is excited in
healthy minds by vain pomp and Idle
ceremonies.
OUR GROWING FOREIGN COMMERCE.
Nearly three billions Is the value of
the foreign commerce of the United
States for the year 1905. There was an
increase in exports of $175,000,000, and
imports showed a gain of $143,000,000
over the previous year. Exports were
$1,627,000,000 and Imports $1,179,000,000.
showing that "balance of trade" of
which our high-tariff men are so fond
to be approximately $500,000,000, pre
sumably In our favor. Perhaps the best
feature of this remarkably prosperous
statement lies in the fact that the
month of December. 1905, broke all pre
vious records for exports by $25,000,000,
reaching a grand total of $199,709,068,
compared with $174,S19.56C for Decem
ber, 1904, which was the best record
up to that time. These figures do not
include the business of non-contiguous
territory of the United States, which
for the year amounted to $130,000,000. a
gain of more than $30,000,000 over the
business of 1904. The figures for 1905
show a gain over those of 1900 of nearly
$600,000,000, or an average of $50,000,000
per month, and over 1895 of more than
$1,200,000,000. This would seem to be a
sufficiently rapid gain to refute the oft
repeated statement that our foreign
trade is languishing for want of an
American merchant marine. There is
nothing in the statistics to Indicate that
we are hampered in the slightest de
gree in transportation facilities, and if
there Is any checking of the rising tide
of foreign trade it will toe due to other
causes than lack of a merchant ma
rine. In this connection It is well to remem
ber that Germany contributed about
$200,000,000 to this foreign-trade show
ing, the greater part of it being on the
export side of our ledger. It Is quite
natural to suppose, and is of course
true, that the goods we imported from
Germany were bought because we
needed them and because we could se
cure them to better advantage from
Germany than -elsewhere. This dis
poses of the erroneous belief that we-
must sell everything and buy nothing
in order to make a healthy trade show
ing. We are also in a fair way to have an
other pet theory of our protectionists
shattered when the foreign-trade re
turns for 1906 are compiled. Our for
eign trade Is In such a healthy condi
tion and was growing so rapidly at the
close of 1905 that it now seems a cer
tainty that the current calendar year
will show a substantial gain over the
record-breaker just closed. That it will
not be as satisfactory In the case of
Germany, at least, is a certainty also,
unless at the eleventh hour the "stand
patters" come to their senses and per
fect some kind of a reciprocal agree
ment -with Germany.
The tariff which that country pro
poses to levy on March 1 against Amer
ican products is sufficiently high to pre
vent very many goods from this coun
try being sold In Germany, and, re
gardless of the extent of the Increase In
trade in other directions, we will suffer
a loss there. This loss, together with
that which we are already suffering In
the trade with China, will make an Im
pression which cannot escape notice
when the returns are all in. next Janu
who Issue false defenses of their pat
ary.
1G
Our foreign-trade showing for
1905 is a remarkably good one. and It
Is a pity that the one for 1905 cannot
be proportionately as good with all
countries.
THE rACIFICS MARINE CEMETERY.
The Oregonian, In recognition of Its
duty as a newspaper to present to Its
readers all the news regarding matters
of current Interest, has this week been
printing everything obtainable about
the dreadful catastrophe near Cape
Beale. Among readers who depend on
The Oregonian for news of the day are
several thousand recent arrivals In the
Pacific Northwest, who are naturally
somewhat unfamiliar with the dangers
which beset navigation in the vicinity
of that awful marine cemetery around
Cape Beale and Cape Flattery. For
the information of this class, as well as
for others who In such cases are eager
to learn everything possible about con
ditions which cause such heartrending
disasters as that of the Valencia, The
Oregonian on Wednesday printed a list
of fifty -six vessels which had been lost
In that vicinity while trying to enter
or leave the Straits of Fuca.
The list was compiled from official
sources, and gave not only the names
of the vessels, but the ports from which
they sailed and for which they were
bound, the location of the wrecks as
nearly as could be determined when
there were no surylvors, the year and
the month in which the disaster oc
curred, and the number of lives lost-
Nothing wias printed that could not
be verified- In the haste of compiling
the list, some of the Important wrecks
like the Fawn, where more than
twenty lives were lost, and the
Janet Cowan, with seven lives lost.
as well as a number of others, were
omitted. Special attention was paid to
mentioning the cause of the wreck.
whether by foundering at sea or going
on the beach. The table was regarded
as sufficiently valuable from a news
standpoint to warrant three of the larg
est newspapers in the country wiring
for the complete list to supplement the
partial list sent out by the Associated
Press.
Now comes the Seattle Post-Intelli
gencer and berates The Oregonian for
printing what it terms an "imaginary
list-" In open defiance of the plain
truth, the Post-lntelllgencer asserts
that The Oregonian "does not pretend
to give a list of the alleged fifty-six
vessels wrecked, but does give what
purports to be a list of some of them
It asserts that "the fate of some of
them was and still is a mystery." This
Is true, but when wreckage, identified
as coming from vital jarts of the miss
ing craft, drifts ashore in Immediate
vicinity of where the craft was last
sighted, and survivors fail to appear
within ten or fifteen years after the
disaster, there is reasonable grounds
for belief that the vessel was wrecked
or had foundered.
"Actual wrecks on the west coast of
Vancouver Island are no more common
than on any other rock-bound coast to
which careful navigators give a wide
berth." continues the Post-Intelligencer.
And yet that- same "west coast" Is
known the world over as the "marine
graveyard of the North Pacific." and
with the exception of the vessels that
"foundered" off Flattery and Vancou
ver Island, nearly three-fourths of the
list of disasters printed by The Orego
nien occurred on the Vancouver Island
side of the Straits. Unwittingly In Its
tirade against The Oregonian the Seat
lie paper discloses the reason why the
entrance to the Straits Is dreaded by
every shipmaster that ever approached
It. Note the following:
There U an ocean current, a WsrcU ef
the great Pacific equatorial current, which
Impinges on this coast and which sweep
alone the weet coast of Vancouver Island.
Derelicts and old wreckage are often de
posited at places along that coast, coming
from no one knows what portion ef the
Pacific,
Therein lies the trouble. That "ocean
current." the existence of which the
Post-Intelligencer so gracefully ac
knowledges, does not confine Its opera
tions to "derelicts and old wreckage."
It has gathered in Its deadly embrace
many of the finest ships that ever float
ed, and It has "slammed" them up, on
the rocks where It "impinges" with a
force that left nothing but tangled and
twisted wreckage to tell the tale. It
was that same "current" that caught
the Valencia when her careless captain
failed to get his bearings off Flattery,
and that "current," aided by a souther
ly gale, swept the Valencia along to
her doom at a speed several miles per
hour greater than was possible with
her engines.
The reputation of the northern en
trance to the Straits of Fuca Is too well
known, wherever ships sail, to necessi
tate argument tending to make it bet
ter or worse. The Oregonian printed a
partial list of the victims it had claimed
solely as a matter of news, and the Se
attle paper only makes public acknowl
edgment of being touched on a sensi
tive spot when it enters objection to
the news.
AN UNIQUE EXHIBIT.
There was held In Horticultural Hall,
Boston, during the first week of the
current month, an unique exhibit. Its
name sufficiently indicated Its purpose.
Similar exhibits will be held In turn In
Providence. Newark. Chicago and other
large centers. Admission will be free
to all of these exhibits, and the public
is not only invited but urged to at
tend. It is called the "Tuberculosis
Exhibit," and its caretakers and guides
are physicians eminent In their profes
sion In the cities wherein It Is held. "A
communicable 'disease largely prevent
able and often curable," tuberculosis
numbers each passing year thousands
of victims. The medical fraternity has
done yeoman service in bringing a
knowledge of its cause, progress and
possible cure to public attention, and
In advancing means to check Its rav
ages. Academically, the ground has
been gone over thoroughly, but there Is
a multitude of people who do not re
spond to academic appeals. Material
demonstrations, plain object-lessons,
are necessary to arouse and Instruct
them.
This Is the purpose of the tuberculosis
exhibit. Here the Inception and prog
ress of the disease through the germs
that find lodgment in the tissues of the
human body and work Its disintegra
tion and decay are shown In the vari
ous stages of their development- Here,
says "Charities." "Is the full-sized
model of the dark interior of the tuber
culosls-breedlng bedroom one of the
360,000 of New York City alone as a
legend over Its door states and Its
contrasting neighbor, fitted up by the
visiting nurses of Bellevue Hospital,
structurally altered by the tenement-
house department so as to let in the
light and air, the deadly enemies of
the lurking tubercle bacillus." It Is the
direct appeal to acts. Illustrated so
plainly that their import can sot be mis-
taken by the ordinary observer, that
makes this exhibit valuable- This In
deed is all there Is of it, and from it
results are expected that will be In
strumental In saving thousands of hu
man lives. The main purpose Is to en
list the public in the work of checking
the ravages of the disease. The fun
damental condition of such co-opera
tion with the medical authorities as
will secure this end Is-an understand
ing of the causes and the conditions un
der which It acquires new lodgment
All remedial measures are subordinate
to this first requirement in checking
the ravages of the malady. It having
been demonstrated, however, that it Is
often curable, attention Is given to that
phase of the question and instruction
Imparted in regard to its possibilities.
That public must be Indeed dull and
unconcerned In a matter of truly vital
interest to Itself that neglects to ac
quire and profit by the Instruction
given by charts of the battleground on
which a pale host is waging deadly
warfare, not only In every city of the
land, but literally along Its highways
and byways.
The young English Princess Ena of
Battenberg, who la to become Queen of
Spain, is a namesake of the Empress
Eugenie. This statement recalls the
romance between Princess Beatrice of
England, now Princess Henry of Bat
tenberg, the mother of Princess Ena,
nd the Prince Imperial, son of Eugenie
and Napoleon HI, that would have ter
minated In marriage but for the trag
ical death of the Prince In Zululand.
It Is recalled, too, that the ex-Empres3
Is of Spanish birth and breeding, and
the going of this young daughter of
Beatrice to Spain Is a concldence in
family history. The heart of humanity.
taking note of the stern realities of life
rather than Its romances, can only
view with pity the sacrifice of this fair.
slender English girl, as contemplated
in her marriage to the weak and disso
lute young King of Spain. The chance
of happiness in such a marriage is
small. Position Is held, however, to be
more than its equivalent, and policy
grim, stern Old-World policy rules.
The statehood bill, in spite of consid
erable opposition, seems to have had a
good, safe majority In the House. Its
passage will, of necessity, force a large
and hungry horde of offlce-seekers In
the four territories Involved to seek
some other line of endeavor than poll-
tics. Many of them may have to go to
work. As the sale of liquor to the In
dians in the new states is prohibited by
law. they may find In "bootlegging" a
remunerative pastime not infrequently
engaged In by men who to to break
into politics because they are too lazy
to work. With the elimination of In
dian Territory and New Mexico through
absorption by Arizona and Oklahoma,
will pass many romantic traditions of
the frontier, but the two common
wealths Into which they have been
joined will immediately show an In
creased prestige that will be advan
tageous to every one except the disap
pointed politicians who preferred four
sets of offices to the two that are now
to be filled.
The grewsome search for life on the
wreckage of the Valencia goes on with
hourly decreasing prospect of success.
A pitiful feature of the wreck Is record
ed In the words "Not a woman or child
on board escaped deith." In a contest
in which the strength of man is taxed
to the uttnoet and euccumbs. it Is futile
to hope for the survival of women and
children. Moreover, when It comes to a
crisis and panic rules, the doctrine
"Every man for himself" prevails and
the weaker are left to perish. "Man Is
a tough beast," says William Allen
White, "and it takes a good deal to kill
him; but God is kinder to women and
they sooner reach the end." This Is a
compensation for weakness that Is ren
dered all along the battle line of life
and is only more notable at the fiercer
points of conflict, where quick results
follow sudden stress, as In the calami
ties of shipwreck, fire and flood.
The field of operations for the trance
medium has widened considerably. A
case in court In this city has disclosed
the fact that Sir Francis Drake (prob
ably a reincarnation of the pirate we
used to read about) for a 50 per cent
commission remuneration would go into
a trance and advise his -patrons to pur
chase at $5 per share stock that was
worthless at 15 cents per share. The
possibilities for an extension of this
new aid to finance ore great. Think,
for example, of the advantage to the
gas company if it could induce the
patrons to go to a medium who had
been fixed and learn from such a reli
able source that the oil and water now
forced through its pipes Is worth more
than the price that Is charged for It.
Still, this might not be a fair -case, for
there are limitations even to the credu
lity of tho human being.
The latest picture of General William
Booth, of the Salvation Army, is that
of an aged man, the tenure of whose
life has nearly expired. It Is looked
upon at once with veneration and re
gret veneration for what the life of
the old man stands in its endeavor for
humanity, regret that its limit Is so
close at hand. General Booth Is a man
who cannot be spared from the great
work that he Inaugurated and which
he has carried forward so many years.
He is the best friend that the unem
ployed of England have ever found.
since he has devised a practical scheme
whereby they can be helped to help
themselves, through coming back to the
cultivation of the soil. May General
Booth live yet many years, since there
is still much to do that he alone can
do well.
The hold-up man got $5 out of a Jew
ish rabbi and 50 cents out of a Chris
tian minister. The preacher talked so
feelingly about it that the highwayman
gave him back the half-dollar. But the
rabbi said never a word, which leaves
open the question as to whether It Is
possible to put up a $5 talk on such oc
caslons.
Prosecuting Attorney Jerome very
ably represented the cause of Justice
Deuel by showing the Jury "that Editor
Hapgood bad told the truth. The next
time Justice Deuel brings a libel suit it
will be In bis own court.
Justice Deuel has proved that It Isn't
always safe to sue a newspaper for
libel when it hasn't told the truth. The
truth about Justice ""Deuel wouldn't be
fit for any paper to print-
President Roosevelt cent back his free
copy of the $1500 "Fads' and Fancies.'
It is getting harder every day to give
away anything where It will do the
most good.
THE SILVER LINING.
Grover Cleveland said that "Fads and
Fancies" was a creditable book. Pres
ident Roosevelt says he doesn't want It In
the house. Several other people seem to
have said something about this obscure
volume. Send us one and let us look it
over. We'll fix Its proper status In short
order. Who's a liar, anyway?"
District Attorney Jerome. In summing
up his side of the case, said: "I will not
attempt to disguise to you the utter loath
ing and contempt I feel for some of the
witnesses whom I myself have Intro
duced." This Js about the limit in unsat
isfactory witnesses. It Is easy to sec that
Jerome won the case for the other side.
W. R- Hearst Is now In Mexico, and will
soon again be In Washington, taking his
seat In Congress. However things may
look to the casual observer. Mf. Hearst is
a man who always knows precisely what
he wants, and has a very direct way of
setting to work to get what he wants.
This concentration characterizes all his
efforts, and the projects he undertakes
are Influenced most by this trait.
The disability of sandstone In particular
In the matter of wearing out children's
shoes In the East Side High School Is not
apparent. But school directors may know
Just why sandstone is less harmful to
leather than other kinds of rock.
The Rev. Albert E. Bcntlcy. of Long
Island, is an uncommonly Indiscreet
man. Among the many exclusive re
ligious bodies in the towns and im
posing landed estates of high and
mighty Long Island eince the Twen
tieth Century renaissance, many a
laughable squabble has occurred. Mr.
Bentley has given another lilt to the
prevailing hilarity by discovering that
his fees were running low because the
people were getting married at a more
popular neighbor's house of worship.
He forthwith went out and tackled
the first blue-blood old maid he came
across and said: "Now, miss, if you
would only get busy you would give me
something to do." She was a haughty
dame and she flounced out of the room
In high dudgeon. From that moment
the Bentley doom was sealed. He has
resigned, and tongues are wiggling at
the rate of 1CO.000 vibrations per minute.
Mr. Ayer wants a high bridge. That's
right. Why not? A little while ago we
would have been content with the mere
Joy of dreaming that it was among the
remote possibilities of the future to have
the railroads in question build any bridge
at all for the specified purposes, let the
bridge be as low as the others that have
been built and used, or as high as Glldc-
roy s Kite, .now, w xect nign. says ir.
Ayer. and he has figured out the situation
carefully. Sixty feet high let's have It.
The land-fraud cases are to be taken up
gain and vigorously prosecuted. As they
hear these ominous words, several inter
ested ones say solomnty to themselves. "Is
that fellow Hcney coming around aaln?"
and they feel like retiring to some vast
wilderness of unending obscurity and Pa
risian aloofness from home.
A Word of Warning.
Puck.
(Do cot hesitate to call things by their
wowr nimi. A couege prcstacnt to n
frthmsn class.)
TIa soot advice. To call a spade a pa tie
No mortal ever should be much afraid.
And yet I foar much trouble it would make
If you hutd always rail a rake a rake
Especially if he's a social rake.
No trouble -e'er should come to him. Indeed.
Who when he sees a weed calls It a weed:
Tct ?o:net!r tU not quite the thing discreet
to be too frank and call a beet a beet
Especially a muscular dead beat.
In catling kittens kit, be bold and free.
But when It comes to cats more careful he.
Especially the "cat" that sews and nups;
And took out when you're calling puppte
pups
There's lots of fight In some two-legged pups.
TU fraught with peril slight to call a rat
A rat. but eary go, when doing that.
I've known the times they number by the
score
When they were better called Just pompa
Soft, golden-yellow. fluffy pompadours.
In at one car and out quickly on
tongue of scandal l; the rule today.
God bless the knocker.
Every knock Is
a boost.
"Look before you sleep." Is a maxim to
be remembered when on the road. Often
there are other things to be found beside
the robust Western flea.
Poultney Blgelow came.
saw and
jumped at conclusions.
One of the pension bills passed last
week at Washington in the House of
Representatives Increased from $12 to
tZi a month the pension of Ann Betts, of
South Orange, N. J.. 102 years of age. and
a widow of a soldier of the war of 1812.
Now, how old is Ann?
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow
we diet.
Never has the American luscious sex
been paid a higher compliment than
the following rhapsody of the eloquen
Hon. Ezeklel S. Candler, Jr., represent
ative from Mississippi and citizen of
the world:
I will tell you what I believe. I believe
there la nothing better In all the world than
patriotic brave and chivalrous American man
hood except the Iovellnees. the purity and the
beauty of American woxnanhocd. Some one
has said that when God made the American
girt he aent his angel messengers throughout
all the star-strewn realms of space to gather
all there wa of beauty and brightness, of
enchantment, of glamour. When those angels
returned from their harvesting of beauty and
threw down their glittering burden at his
feet, he began In their wondering presence
the fashioning of the American girl. He
wrought with the gold and the gleam of the
tara. shitting glories of the rainbow hues and
the pallid sIlTtr of the moon. He wrought
with the crimson which swooned In the rose1
rubied heart, with the pure aweet snow which
gleams from the lily's petal, and the fires
and the flames which flaah and leap from Jew
els' depth. Then glancing deep Into hbt own
bosom, he took of the love which gleamed
there like some rare pearl beneath the wind
kissed waves of a Summer sea, thrilled Into
the form he was fashioning, and all heaven
and earth rejoiced, for, lo! he bad wrought
the American gtrL
lict there be long and continued ap
plausc.
Coantry Life.
Joseph -Cone.
The woods, the wold, tho hill and plain,
Tho valley and the lea.
The meadow green, the brook between
Is Joy enough for me.
I aik no painted countryside.
No artificial skies;
The picture planned by God's good hand
My longing satisfies.
Th birds, the fowls, the horse and cow.
The cats and dogs at play.
The lowing klne, the grunting swfae
Is all I want today.
I ask no thronged metropolis
Drunk with Its gayety:
The rest and charm of God's great farm
Brings everything to ase.
RURAL PARCEL POST NEXT.
William E. Curtis, in the Chicago Record
Herald. It'Is the ambition of Postmaster-General
Cortelyou and. Assistant Postmaster-General
De Graw, who has Immediate juris
diction over the subject, to extend the
usefulness of the rural delivery mail serv
ice to Include the delivery of parcels, and
how this may be accomplished is now the
subject of inquiry and reflection. Chair
man Overstreet, of the House committee
on postofflces, is taking a deep interest
in the subject. There are. of course, dif
ferences of opinion, but all are agreed that
the rural delivery carrier may be made
more useful than he is, and that the peo
ple living in rural districts may get a
great deal more for the J20.000.0CO that is
being spent for their benefit than they are
realizing at present.
The proposition receiving the greatest
amount of attention at present relates to
the delivery of merchandise; to assisting
the farming population to purchase sup
plies and have them delivered at their
doorsteps. The Government delivers in
formation and Intelligence, but not mer
chandise in any quantity, as the tax.
which amounts to 16 cents per pound In
postage. Is prohibitive. It is very much
larger than Is charged for the same serv
ice in European countries. Originally ru
ral delivery carriers were allowed to carry
passengers, baggage, parcels, etc.. In their
conveyances, and to do shopping for the
farmers' families along their routes. It
was a great accommodation to the people.
A farmer's wife could send to town any-
day for a spool of thread or a pound of
coffee or sugar, or his daughter could
persuade the carrier to buy her a box of
confectionery or a piece of ribbon. It was
not compulsory on the part of the carrier,
and he was allowed to charge fees for his
services, so that his own compensation was
Increased, while the public convenience
was promoted. About every day almost
every carrier in the country was intrusted
with some errand. They used to do shop
ping, send telegrams and take subscrip
tions for the newspapers; but. two years
ago. a paragraph was Inserted in the ap
propriation bill for 1904 prohibiting all
this. The explanation was that the car
riers were delayed and demoralized in the
performance of their duties, and that this
private express business was a temptation
for them to make money for themselves
and discriminate In favor of certain citi
zens and neglect others. Jealous and
spiteful merchants who were not patron
ized complained to members of Congress,
and they made trouble about it and fre
quently filed charges, so that the depart
ment was very much annoyed. In order
to satisfy these grumblers, the entire 30.00.
carriers were put under the ban.
t present carriers are allowed rb han
dle merchandise that is not mailable
that Is. they can get a prescription tilled
at a drug store to oblige any fanner on
their route, because the law forbids the
sending of liquids through the mall, but
they cannot buy- a sheet of paper or a
spool of thread or a yard of cotton cloth
now. because those are mailable.
Today a groceryman or a general store
keeper In any village in the United States
can send a package of merchandise, ex
ceptlng explosives and liquids, to Cal
cutta or Zansibar or Ludysmith, South
Africa, or Potosi. Bolivia, for less than
one-half the postage he would be required
to pay if he sent the same thing to
farmer living two miles from his store.
The average revenue received by the
Government from the rural free delivery
carrlers Is 41 cents per dny. The average
cost per carrier of maintaining the service
Is 52 per day. The average amount of
mall handled Is 20 pounds per carrier per
day. and the bulk is less than one bushel
per day. The service would cost no more
If the weight of mall were 200 pounds or
600 pounds. The average carrier could
easily handle that amount in an ordinary
vehicle, while the receipts of the Gov
ernment would be increased several hun
dred per cent, and the convenience of the
patrons of the service would be served
much better than they arc today. If he
were allowed to do so.
Mr. De Graw, the Fourth -Assistant
Postmaster-General. says: "Congress
should fix a rate of 3 cents per pound, or
any fractional part thereof, on packages
of books or merchandise not exceeding
five pounds mailed at the distributing
postofllce.of any rural free delivery route
for delivery to a patron of said route.
This rate should apply only to packages
deposited at the local postofflce for de
livery to boxes of patrons on route ema
nating from that office, and not to mail
transmitted from one office to another.
The rate of 3 cents per pound would be
ample remuneration for the department,
because there Is no expense for railway
transportation, and the system by which
these packages are to be delivered Is al
ready established, and such delivery would
entail no additional expense upon the de
par t men t. My personal recommendation
Is: That Congress fix a rate of 3 cents
per pound, or any fractional part thereof.
on packages not exceeding five pounds
mailed at the distributing postofflce of any
rural free delivery route for delivery to a
patron of said route- This rate should
apply only to packages deposited at the
local postofflce for delivery to boxes of
patrons on routes emanating from one of
lice to another.
It Sounded Familiar.
Exchange.
George Y. Wallace, president of the
Rockv Mountain Bell Telephone Com
pany, tells this as the latest telephone
story:
In a certain Western central office one
"hello" girl was always late In arriving
in the morning. Time and again the man
ager had pleaded with her to be more
prompt. Her tardiness continued until
he was moved to desperate methods.
"Now, Miss Jones." he said one morn
ing, as he came to her exchange with a
package In his hand. "I have a little
scheme which I hope will enable you to
arrive at the office on time. Here Is a
fine alarm clock for you. Promise me
that you will use it."
The young woman promised, and ac
cordlngiy set the alarm for the proper
hour when she retired that night.
At 7 o'clock there was a tremendous
whirring from the alarm clock.
The sleepy "hello" girl rolled over In
bed and said sweetly and still asleep:
"Line bu3y; call again."
Beau's Callinsr Nisht.
Exchange.
When a young man stays too late In
making his evening call, this argument
begins up stairs: The father contends
that he never stayed that late when he
was a young man, and the mother con
tends that he stayed longer.
The Auto and the Idiot.
Puck.
The Auto and the Idiot
Came motlng on the scene;
The air was full of violets
And odors fresh and clean
And that was odd. because, you see.
Their fuel was gasoline.
"O glory," cried the Idiot.
"We're forging right ahead.
It I had wheels upon my feet,
I'd also run." he said.
The Auto moaned, "It Is a shame
Tour wheels are In your head."
v
The Auto and the Idiot
Ban bang Into a fence.
"To steering." said the Idiot.
I'm giving thought Intense."
And that was. odd. because, you know-
He hadn't any sense.
Adown a pleasant country lane
They Journeyed fast and far, 3
Until they spied a gentleman
A-smoking his cigar.
I'll hit him hard." the Auto cried,
"And minimize the jar."
Across the quiet gentleman
Right merrily they sped.
"Pedestrians should look alive."
The busy Auto said
And this remark was odd. because
The geatlemaa was dead.
SOME THINGS .
IN THE OREGONIAN
, TOMORROW
First and best, the most compre
hensive telegraphic news service by
the Associated Press and special
correspondents, of any- Pacific Coast
newspaper; then the customary de
partments, and the best features
that can be bought.
LINCOLN STEFFENS ON
THE UNITED STATES SENATL'.
Master of terse, crisp Englfeh.
Lincoln Steffens has burned some
of his telling phrases into the pub
lic mind. Readers will Instantly re
call "the shame of the cities." "en
emies of the Republic" and other
biting expressions. Those who love
satire may expect a treat when
they read tomorrow his special cor
respondence on "Tho Senate as It
Sees Itself."
ENGLAND'S QUEEN MOST
DEMOCRATIC OF ALL
A charming letter from London,
showing the home life, the woman
ly, sympathetic side of Alexandra,
who prefers the laughter of chil
dren to the flattery of courtiers,
enjoys skating, taking photographs,
the cultivation of old-fashioned
flowers, companionship with dogs,
music-and the simple life.
LASSOED A BAND OF ELK
THE SAME AS CATTLE
There was a most remarkable
round-up of elk recently at the
head of the San Joaquin Valley.
California, in which a band of 50
cowboys succeeded In capturing,
tying and crating 32 elk, which were
sent to the Yosemite National Park
'under the auspices of the Govern
ment. This achievement is with
out a parallel among the many
things done on horseback with the
lariat.
NATIONAL AWAKENING
OF THE CHINESE
The eyes of every civilized na
tion are now turned on China,
among whose masses an extraordi
nary change has taken place in the
past ten years. An observant wri
ter contributes an article setting
forth the industrial as well as the
political awakening, which inter
ests the Pacific Coast probably in
greater degree than any other part
of the world.
RECOLLECTIONS OF
GEORGE H. WILLIAMS
The most important among tho
amendments to the Constitution is
the 15th. which gave to the negro
full civil rights. Judge Williams
helped to frame it and tells of th
deliberations and legislation leading
up to it.
UNCLE SAM ADDING
TO OUR FOOD SUPPLY
To vegetables now grown for sal
ad, the Agricultural Department
has imported for culture in the Uni
ted States the "chayote" and the
"udo." both wholesome and deli
cious. A Washington special cor
respondent tells how Uncle Sam Is
scouring the earth to its farthest
corners for new things to cat that
will grow In this country.
MAKING THE FOOTWEAR
OF THE UNITED STATES
First of a series of illustrated ar
ticles telling how the simple things
that enter into our dally life are
manufactured. The initial contri
bution describes how machines turn
leather into J260.000.COO worth o"
shoes every year.
THE BAKING OF
OUR DAILY BREAD
Thousands of housekeepers in
Oregon. Washington and Idaho
have cut from The Sunday Orego
nian and pasted in special scrap
books Miss Tingle's instructions in
"The Making of an Ordinary
Cook." Tomorrow, this practical
teacher finishes her lesson on bak
ing bread, describing clearly the
slow-raising and the quick-raising
methods. Perhaps experienced and
successful cooks will here learn
why bread occasionally does not
turn out well.
ABSURD RELIGIOUS
PRACTICES IN INDIA
Frederic J. Haskin writes of char
latans and sorcerers who Impose on
ignorant worshipers, and tells of
the many tricks which Brahmin
priests resort to in order to excite
fervor among the populace. He
paints a picture of ancient barbar
isms at once fascinating and re
volting. THE ROOSEVELT BEARS
WORK AS FARM HANDS
In tomorrow's Installment of the
"Roosevelt Bear" stories, they hire
out to a farmer, and "something Is
doing" all the time.
PORTLAND TO HAVE
GRAND OPERA SEASON
Mention grand opera and there is
first called up a picture of silks and
satins, flashing jewels and all the
other gauds of modern society.
Then comes another of brilliant
artists, men and women who have
devoted their lives to music wor
ship. Portland Is to have a grand
opera season scon, and a forecast
of the artists and the operas is
printed on the music page.
OUTLOOK FOR THE FIGHTING
GAME IN CALIFORNIA
Outlawed in every state except
California, pugilists have been
forced to turn their attention to
the West. What the outlook is for
the coming season in San Frara
clsco, the prizefighters' Mecca, is
described in a special article con
tributed by Fred J. Hewitt, a well
known sporting writer.
BOOKS, SOCIETY,
MUSIC AND DRAMA
The Sunday Oregonian devotes
one section to reviews of books, so
ciety, music and drama. These de
partments are all illustrated, and
cover all the current news from
weddings to engagements, an
nouncements of coming attractions
and concerts to stories of the stage.
THE MIDST OF NEW
YORK'S DRAMATIC WH1KL.
Emllie Frances Bauer, In her
weekly letter, describes events In
New York music and dramatic cir
cles. Richard Mansfield's latest
freak, the death of Anton Seidl.
and tho new musical comedy, "The
Vanderbilt Cup," are some of her
topics.
ALICE ROOSEVELTS
WEDDING GOWNS
Two pages of pictures of Alice
Roosevelt's trousseau will be print
ed tomorrow. The gowns are eight
in number, and the illustrations
show the designs accurately, while
the materials and style of the
dainty garments are described in
tho text
"Echo of the Baby Show."
There appeared in this paper on Tues
day, January 16, 1006, an article, headed
'Echo of the Baby Show," and signed
Mrs. E. O. Blakeley. The Oregonian has
Investigated the matter, and finds that
there is not such a person in Portland as
Mrs. E. O. Blakeley. and that the artlclo
was written with malicious Intent by Mr3.
Anna DeliUde, who resides at 905 Belmont
street. In this city. The Oregonian re
grets the publication of the item, and feels
thatan Injustice has been done Mr. and
Mrs. Branch and their child.
i