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About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 25, 1906)
THE 3I0RXING OREGONIAX, THURSDAY, JANUARY 25, 1906.
Entered at the rostofflce at Portland. Or.,
as Second-Clara Matter.
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PORTLAND. THURSDAY. JANUARY 25.
The fifth amendment to the Con
stitution of the United States contain,
among other beneficent clauses, a pro
vision that in a criminal case no person
may be compelled to testify against
himself. This Is the supreme law of
the land, though its application Is lim
ited to triuls In the Federal Courts.
The stale constitution?, however, con
lain (provisions identical with this in
meaning, if not language. In practice,
both in the Federal and state courts, a
prisoner may testify in his own defense
or not. as he chooses. If he decides to
take the stand, then he need answer no
question which will tend to criminate
him. The older English law forbade
the accused to give any evidence, either
for or against himself, the presumption
eing that he was innocent and the en
tire responsibility of overthrowing that
presumption being placed upon the
It has been plausibly argued that
this arrangement was more favorable
to' the prisoner than our own. Now
that he has the right to testify he must
either accept or reject iL If he rejects
It. the jury is likely to infer that he
docs so because he Is guilty. If he ac
cepts it and. goes on the stand, the In
genious Prosecuting Attorney may ask
him dozens of questions whose answers,
however worded, would be confessions
of guilt even if he were innocent. Such
questions he must refuse to answer be
cause they tend to criminate him, and
the effect is to turn the jury against
him. The privilege of testifying In his
own behalf is, therefore, not altogether
an advantage to an accused .erson.
though, probably. It is more favorable
to him, upon the whole, than con
strained silence. .
During trial in all courts the prison
er's exemption from testifying w gainst
himself is scrupulously guarded. Be
fore he comes to trial the degree of his
exemption depends upon his political
influence.' -wealth, social standing and
reputation. It depends also upon the
intelligence of the officers of the law.
whose duty it is to detect crime. If
they are acute enough to find con
vincing evidence of some one's guilt In
the circumstances of the crime, in
"clews" and in the testimony of wit
nesses, there is no temptation to force
the accused to convict himself. If their
intelligence is mediocre, as- it generally
is. then their natural impulse is to com
pel the prisoner to tell "all he knows."
Of course the simplest and most direct
way to learn about a crime Is to hear
the man who committed it describe his
deed. To the law officer, baffled in his
researches, the hidden depths of the
prisoner's mind are like bubbling foun
tains to the wayfarer in the desert. He
inevita'bly seeks to penetrate its se
crets. If the prisoner is jpoor and friendless,
like Jasper Jennings, his constitu
tional exemption from testifying
against himself, before the trial, goes
the way of most other privileges and
Immunities of the man who cannot de
fend them. He is subjected to -the
"sweating process" to frighten, entrap,
or by physical pain to compel him to
"tell all he knows." There is a verified
siory of a girl suspected of murder
who, under the "sweating process," was
confronted -with the imitation ghost of
her supposed victim. She -went insane,
and the disappointed police never knew
w hether guilt or sheer horror had de
stroyed her mind. The girl surely was
very inconsiderate. Under this system,
which prevails universally in America,
unless the accused has a pull or belongs
to the better classes, he is starved, de
prived of sleep, harassed with unremit
ting questions hour after hour rand day
after day, confronted with real or Imag
inary mutterings in his sleep, beset
with alleged confessions of other per
sons, enticed into friendly confidence
to be "betrayed, and tortured in every
other way. short of the rack and
thumbscrew, which the officers can de
vise. And the evidence so. obtained is
used against him on his trial, as it was
against Jasper Jennings, whose case in
this Tespect was typical.
If President Baer, of the Reading
Road, (were put In the sweatbox he
could a tale unfold of violations of the
anti-trust law, of rebates, of discrimi
nations, which would doubtless harrow
-up our souls. Shall we ever see him
there? Shall we ever see Rockefeller
in the sweatbox? Or any other crim
inal who has friends, money or influ
ence? No, indeed. The sweatbox is
one of the blessings of the poor and
Jowly. Suppose some friendless repro
bate, with a dirty neck and torn trous
ers,, who had been tortured iby the po
lice into confessing his guilt, should
come into court and plead that because
he had confessed therefore he must
not be convicted! The whole country
would laugh at the bewildered wretch.
How would the police ever convict any
body of anything if confession gave im
munity? Grotesque, impudent, as such a plea
would be when made by some sweated
victim in rags and tatters, nevertheless
the magnates of the beef trust appear
in the Federal Court at Chicago and
advance it without a blush or a smile.
They were not "sweated" very badly,
either. Polite Commissioner Garfield
put some deferential questions to them
many months ago which they answered
with that scrupulous respect to truth
always so notable in trusts and their
attorneys. The answers were not a
confession of guilt, but a hardy, bra
zen denial. Nevertheless, their plea. Is
that because -Mr. Garfield questioned
them then, they must not 3je tred under
the anti-trust law now. In other
words, a man who is questioned about
his crime before he Is arrested can
never be tried for it afterward. The
Federal Court treated their plea seri
ously, nd weeks have been spent ar
guing it. Suppose Jasper Jennings had
made the same plea; how long would
the court have taken to dispose of it?
THE CIVIL .SERVICE rRAUI).
There Is no civil service in Portland.
The findings in the Bruin case expose
absolutely the whole pretentious hum
bug. Patrick Bruin was railroaded
Into a police captaincy at the instance
of the Mayor and with the connivance
of an invertebrate and complaisant
Civil Service Commission. The Teport
of the Council investigating committee
op the Bruin case and related Incidents
is an unanswerable indictment of the
present municipal administration for
conspiracy to break down civil service,
to ignore the merits of the faithful and
deserving public employes, and to re
ward favorites with desirable jobs.
Bruin got Into the police department
because he was shoved in. and police
men entitled to promotion were not
promoted because the Civil Service
Commission arranged that they should
If the highest conception the Civil
Service Commission has of its duty Is
that It shall accommodate the Mayor In
any demands or requests that he may
make. It Is time that the commission
retired from business. But there Is no'
reason to think that Its successor-would
pay more attention to the city charter
than the present commission has paid.
This commission, as a whole, has not
only disregarded most contemptuously
and openly the important and vital pro
visions of the city charter that promo
tions In the police department shall be
from lower grades to higher, but one of
its members has frankly justified his
position by the brutal and untrue state
ment that there were no honest and
competent officers In the department
qualified for promotions to police cap
taincies. 3n so far as this astounding
assertion discloses the attitude of the
commission toward civil service and the
police department, it Is Instructive, -but
it is more: it is virtually an announce
ment of the purpose of the commission
to promote nobody. It is pull, and not
merit, that goes with this administra
tion. If the public did not understand
It before, it will understand perfectly
when It Teads the report of the Council
investigating committee, which Is
marked by an appearance of fairness,
candor, care and judgment. It gives
the impression of truth and judicial im
partiality from the first sentence to the
CROP REPORT HE FORM.
When the cotton report scandal
caused so much comment In Govern
ment and trade circles about a year ago.
a committee was appointed to investi
gate, among many other things, the en
tire system followed by the Department
of Agriculture In collecting the weird
and wonderful crop reports which have
brought It Into disrepute. This com
mittee, which was headed by Chairman
Keep, has completed Its report, and the
suggestions made constitute a severe
arraignment of the Agricultural De
partment, which has been disbursing
such large sums for crop information
without securing anything of value In
Teturn. As it was the cotton scandal
which was responsible for appointment
of this committee, naturally the greater
portion of the report is devoted to that
staple. The committee, while it Is not
satisfied with existing methods, did not
feel warranted in recommending abol
ishment of the crop-estimating depart
ment, as was thought advisable by
some of the largest legitimate traders
who have in the past suffered by the
'bungling work of the Incompetents who
were on the Agricultural Department's
payroll. In wheat and other cereals the
committee finds that the Government
estimates have -been generally far out
of the way. both as to acreage and
production returns. In the hope of
remedying this unfortunate condition,
a recommendation Is made that there
be a close community of work between
the Weather Bureau and the Bureau of
Statistics. Here is an opportunity for
immediate improvement In the reports,
for which The Oregonian. as well as
the legitimate grain trade in general,
has been pleading for years. The only
accurate grain reports on crop, weather
or acreage that have ever been cnt out
of the Pacific Northwest were those
gathered, by the Weather Bureau dur
ing a brief period before its officials
were called off for an alleged usurpa
tion of work of the Bureau of Statis
tics. The Keep committee does not go very
far with Its recommendations for the
Improvement of the crop-reporting ser
vice other than in the case of cotton.
Regarding the other crops, it states
that "the methods and results must be
Improved .materially or the service dis
continued." So far as the grain trade
of the Pacific Northwest is concerned,
no tears would 4e shed If the service
were abolished entirely, for it has been
worse than useless from Its Inception.
The three states, Oregon, Washington
and Idaho, last year produced about
one-thirteenth of all of the wheat
grown in the United States, and an
even greater proportion In 1904. and not
in a single instance throughout either
season was any report put out by the
Government regarding conditions in
this territory that even approximately
represented the true situation.
A retired Utah polltlcnin, who has
headquarters in San Francisco, is in
trusted with the work of supervising
Oregon's crop reports, out. despite the
tact that he was appointed several
years ago, he has not yet put in an ap
pearance In Oregon, and his reports are
apparently the work of the office .boy.
The crop-reporting -department of the
Department of Agriculture has degen
erated into the worst kind of a farce,
nd is valuable only for supplying soft
berths for impecunious politicians who
must be taken care of. It should be
abolished at once, and the money that
Is saved devoted to some good purpose.
-RESULT OF RECKLESS NAVIGATION.
Of course it Is now easy to see where
the awful sacrifice of life on the
steamer Valencia, could have been
avoided ly exercise of a little caution
on part of the master of the unfortu
nate vessel. But recognition of neces
sity for exercise of caution was not
made In time to keep the Valencia out
of that terrible marine cemetery and
save the lives of scores of innocent vic
tims. -Every shipmaster In possession
of a. coasting license is In a measure
familiar with the extraordinary dan
gers which beset the navigator enter
ing the Straits of Fuca. The wintry
gales which sweep up from the south
have a long, uninterrupted stretch In
which to lash the ocean to a fury be
fore their force Is broken by the jagged,
rocky west coast of Vancouver Island.
The contour of the land adjacent to the
entrance of the Straits is broken by in
numerable bays, pounds and Inlets
through which conflicting currents ebb
and flow and set at defiance the calcu
lations of navigators who approach too
close to the shores.
The dangerous nature of the locality
will, of course, be cited as a partial ex
cuse for the wreck; but, regardless of
what may be brought out In testimony
of survivors, practically all blame must
rest on the master of- the vessel. The
Valencia was not disabled, and did not
drift helplessly to her doom. Instead
she was an unusually stanch, well
equipped ship, and in full control of
her officers when she struck a rocky
shore more than twenty miles out of
her proper course. Viewed in Its most
favorable light, and making all possi
ble allowance for errors of judgment,
the loss of this ship can hardly be cred
ited to anything else than reckless nav
igation. This is a recklessness born of
contempt for the dangers of the sea,
and that such contempt is wholly un
warranted his been demonstrated all
too frequently. Nothing but the su
perior safety of the locality -prevented
the recent wreck of the steamship St.
Paul from being accompanied by a loss
of life fully as great as that on the
Both steamships were booming along
in a fog without proper regard for drift
of the tide, force of the wind, or appar
ently any extraordinary precautions
being taken to avert the disaster which
overwhelmed them. Nothing but cen
sure Is due "the master of a ship who
takes these desperate chances, with no
passengers aboard, and when the lives
of a large number of passengers are at
stake, carelessness or recklessness of
this nature becomes criminal. The pas
sengers who boarded the Valencia at
San Francisco were, of course, unfamil
iar with the dangers of the voyage be
fore them, and In effect they placed
their lives In keeping of the master of
the vessel. Whatever his own inclina
tions may have been In the matter,
when he became lost in the fog and
was unable to get his bearings at the
entrance to the Straits of Fuca, consid
eration for the helpless people In his
charge, who were Ignorant of the dan
gers surrounding them, should have
forced him to exercise more caution.
One of the most dangerous features
of the waters around Cape Flattery
and the west coast of Vancouver Island
Is the Impossibility for an approaching
vessel to get soundings until she Is al
most in the breakers or dn the rocks
which flank the shore cliffs In so many
places. This difficulty is so well known
and understood by shipmasters navi
gating those waters that it can hardly
be offered in excuse for the reckless
navigation which caused the loss of the
Valencia. The terrible disaster will
temporarily check travel by sea, and
will also be productive of greater cau
tion on part of shipmasters until the
effect gradually wears off.. After that
there will be a renewal of old condi
tions until another disaster due to reck
less navigation startles the public
MR. ARMOUR'S KIT.
Mr. Armour, of Chicago, the beef
trust and private car magnate, has
been publishing in the Saturday Even
ing Post a defense of his piracies.
From reading his meekly-worded arti
cles one would take him to be the long
suffering victim of heartless persecu
tion, an innocent, nay, a good man,
buffeted by cruel slander. But it is not
well to take Mr. Armour at his word.
A man met in a lonely alley on a dark
night may speak buttery words, but If
he carries a dark lantern, has a jimmy
under his coat and wears a mask, the
logical conclusion could hardly fce that
he was on an errand of mercy. A per
son of sense would reason that he was
a burglar, no matter how strongly he
asserted that he was going to recite
"Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight" at a
Sunday school concert.
Tor all his sweetly pious professions
in the Philadelphia weekly, Mr. Armour
carries a complete set of burglar's tools,
strong, keen and serviceable. Ray
Stannard Baker describes them in the
February McCIurc's. Nothing could be
better fitted to pry open the weak
places in the interstate commerce law
to let In those rebates which, we have
been taught -by the railroad presidents,
do not exisL For Mr. Armour their
existence Is very real and profitable.
This burglar's kit Is a list of code
words to use In letters, telegrams, and
McCJure's prints a list of twenty-four
of these code-words, every one of which
either, demands a rebate or gives In
structions about rebates. They are the
well-tempered, sharp-edged little tools
that Armour uses to burglarize' his
competitors profits with. One of them,
".Launch," means "Better arrange a.
rebate there." This would apply to a
town where 6ome Independent man was
buying cattle. Cattle-buying belongs
to Armour by divine right. Just as an
thracite coal belongs to Baer and kero
sene to Rockefeller. The rebate would
put the Independent out of business In
short order, Just as the special rates
Rockefeller gets put the independent
refiners out of business in Kansas, to
the great ienefit of the higher educa
tion. How suggestive la this other lit
tle word, "judiciary." It means "Keep
your rates below all others." Does It
hide a subtle sarcasm upon the sacred
fountains of Justice? Did Armour mean
to enjoy a, little laugh at His Honor
Judge Pliable when he Invented that
code-word? It is hard to say. Thieves
seldom have much sense of humor. And
still, the relations of the Judiciary to
the trusts have of late years been such
that even a person not habitually
iven to mirth might be provoked to
smile at them. Let us hope that Mr.
Armour did really intend this little
Joke. It adds a spice of agreeable
mlrthfulncss to his somewhat somber
The ship-subsidy grafters, despairing
of putting through their bill for a direct
subsidy, are reported to be planning
repeal of the law which gives American
registry to wrecked foreign vessels
that have -been repaired In American
yards. This Infamous legislation. If it
Is put through, will destroy the only
opportunity which Americans now en
joy for purchasing shipping property
on anywhere near an even -basis with
their foreign competitors. It is a move
still further to reduce the size of the
American merchant marine, the sub
sidy grafters who are behind It hoping
thus to strengthen their contention that
there Is no other way ,to build up a.
merchant marine except by subsidies.
Some of the finest American ships
afloat today .are foreign-built craft
which were bought as wrecks and re
paired at an expense sufficient to en
title them to American registry- This"
Is a slow way of securing a merchant
marine, -but it Is an honest method, and
one of which we should not be de
prived until wc are granted the right to
ouy ships where they are sold at the
The Seattle Times apparently con
cedes that all that portion of the State
of Washington lying cast of the Cas
cade Mountains belongs to Portland,
for In mentioning the jetty improve
ment at the mouth of the Columbia it
asserts that "the improvement In ques
tion is not contemplated to be of bene
fit to "Washington, however, but Is sole
ly In the Interest of the shipping facili
ties of Portland." This Is rather a hard
slap at the port of Vancouver, which
has just been spending a good many
thousand dollars to secure a channel
between that city and the mouth of the
Willamette a channel that will be of
small use unless the mouth of the Co
lumbia is kept open. It Is also an
abandonment of the Interests of thou
sands of Eastern Washington farmers
who have been working for years for
an open river to the sea. For the In
formation of the Times we will state
that the improvement In question is
one that will eventually prove benefi
cial to every producer in the Columbia
-basin. The Times Is belittling Its own
commonwealth In disclaiming an Inter
est In the Columbia River.
The number of hunters who are killed
in the woods "by mistake" each year
Is appalling. A sportsman writing in a
late number of the Saturday Evening
Post on "Wiping Out Our Wild Game"
says incidentally of such casualties:
"Two causes are responsible the use
of powerful, long-range rifles and the
fact that hunters go out for deer in
clothing that is much the same color
as the coat of a deer." The first, he
contends. Is perfectly needless, since
there is not one deer in a thousand that
Is seen at a distance of more than 150
yards. The latter danger can be obvi
ated by the hunter himself by simply
changing the hue of his hunting jacket
and cap to red or some color so bright
that it cannot 'be mistaken for the dun
coat of a deer. Maine has a law to this
effect, but it would seem that ordinarily
prudent men should protect themselves
by this simple means without the man
date of the law.
Nearly every farmer in Oregon could
double the numbers of poultry he
keeps without any material increase In
the care required, and with not much
increase In cost. Many farmers could
keep Ave or ten times as many hens
as they have been maintaining. Let
each begin this Spring and do what he
can in this direction, and one of Ore
gon's most profitable industries will be
developed with gratifying results. The
farmer who will give reasonable atten
tion to his flocks of poultry can so
manage that his hens will lay at the
time of year when prices of eggs are
high. Such management" makes poultry-raising
pay. Larger flocks and
more Intelligent care will open new
sources of revenue for grain farmers,
hopgrowers and orchardists.
Mayor Miller, of Tumwatcr. Wash.,
who unexpectedly found himself pos
sessed of two wives and one wife In
excess of the legal limit has succeeded
in ridding himself of both incum
brances, and announces that he will
marry Mrs. Miller No.' 1 over again'as
soon as he can lawfully -do so. Turn
water should be proud to honor a citi
zen so adept in the difficult art of
The mossbacks of China who refuse
io put up money for new railroads are
Invited to step around to the chopping
block and inspect the viceregal snicker
snee. Such strenuous measures are not
necessary In Oregon nowadays, as
Grant's Pass citizens will testify.
The statement that three jurors In
the Dora Jennings case were placed
hors de combat by the bad air of the
courtroom at Grant' Pass should be
promptly met by District Attorney
Rcames and opposing counsel. They
were all making speeches.
The decision of the British govern
ment to send 10,000 marines across the
continent merely to test the Canadian
Pacific's facilities for transporting
large 'bodies of armed men marks the
apotheosis of the Missouri spirit.
Detective Murphy's principal offense
seems to have been premature political
activity. If he had waited a few
months his electioneering work, though
somewhat coarse, would probably have
been duly appreciated.
Mayor McClellan's Invasion of the
Tammany tiger's lair promises to excel
Daniel's 1 Ion-den performance In spec
tacular features. Daniel didn't twist
their tails. And at that the prophet
had stronger backing.
In Portland the policeman finds it
hard work to get into saloons. Other
cities find it equally difficult to keep
him out of them. The powers that be
are truly hard to please.
A Tacoma. thug repented twice in ten
minutes while holding up a defenseless
woman, and ended by merely robbing
her. His sense of honor must work
like a kinetoscope.
A Portland man has been sentenced
to five years in the penitentiary for
stealing cigars. The cigar machines
which steal nickels are still at large.
Even the dead-letter office is turning
up Incriminating evidence against
Harry Orchard, the Idaho anarchist.
That's the limit.
THE SILVER LINING.
Each candidate is as busy as a hen with
While there's life there's soap. Don't
worry. Your make-up will come off.
''Wise mon care not for what they can
not have," murmured Willy, as he gazed
upon the "bashful Venus" among the bur
Icsqucrs this week.,
"Well, you didn't think I could speak,
did you?" he remarked to a friend after he
had made his first' dinner speech.
"No." was the reply. "Nothing so mar
velous has happened since Balaam's
time." They went to the flodr together.
Pat defined a crooked man: . "He's th
kind av a man th't can't look ye in the
eye till yer back's turned."
When he was young he acquired the
habit of not reading, and that's the rea
son why he Is such a good judge of human
Beyond the JHUs.
All the world Is still before you. little boy.
Tou are in the fair green valley where
Lights the smooth and pleasant paths
down which you run;
Out beyond the hills you dimly see is
Far beyond those heights are burdens you
But beyond those uplands also there is
There are heartaches that await you. lit
And those roads that in the distance
Lead to labor and contention and dismay;
Stones arc waiting there to bruise your
Foes are ambushed there whom you will
have to meet.
But upon those hard roads also there Is
You are innocent and care-free, little boy.
And out yonder there is knowledge you
At the price of many efforts and. much
You must toll and you must suffer ere
You may never from beyond those hills
But be glad, for yonder love lies. too. and
S. E. Kiaer. in Chicago Record-Herald.
Wc trust that if an emergency call for
the official scissors comes from the hold
up ward la the City Jail, It will not be
A man who played black-jack in the
Arctic saloon at Baker City is trying to
get his money back. He might have
known he would get a cold deal.
Members of the Suicide Club should not
overlook the chance to ship aboard steam,
er Olympla, bound for New York.
Harry Lehr rays he was badly treated
by "Town Topics." This Is the most un
gentlemanly act that Colonel Mann has
been accused of yet.
Nobody has been killed yet, hut the
sagacious Coroner at Ormond Beach has
a clothes-basket ready to tote million
aires back from the automobile races.
A careful study of "greased gas" trust
methods would have given the. Tacoma
club a perpetual baseball franchise. The
article put up by the Tigers was too hot
for the town.
When Colonel Mann was changed from
a millionaire by Wall street to a debtor
owing S1M.W0. he ought to have committed
suicide. Instead of that he consigned
himself to perdition by another route
he became editor of Town Topics.
Now shut up about Colonel Mann until
we ascertain what they are going to do
with Norman Hapgood and Justice Deuel.
The exchanges of courtesies and pleas
antries nowadays in the Unltod States
Senate are quite as witty and vivacious as
the bright and ever-changing facial ex
pressions of clams in the sand.
Joseph F. Glldden will be known In his
tory as the Inventor of barb wire and the
greatest promoter of the manufacture of
boys' pants the world ever saw.
District Attorney Morrison In Chicago
charges that his legal opponents In the
packers case are attempting to "unfit
the jury for fair deliberation." I have
lived some years and reported many
cases, but if ml ever saw a jury that was
fit "for fair deliberation" I do not know
Give a rogue rope enough and he will
hang the both of you.
God helps those who help themselves.
Well, the modern Idea Is to help ourselves
to everything In sight, but the dlfficulty
secms to be that no one has solved the
problem of successfully carrying off red
hot stoves. Money, landed property,
deeds, stocks, bonds. Jewels, franchises,
mines, railroads, purses, reputations and
all such trifles are purloined with com
parative ease.. But the stove problem
still confronts us.
Hear twice before you squeal.
Safety does not He In numbers. Num
bers are more of an Inconvenience than
anything else. Safety really lies In
kissing her behind the door, or putting
the light out. That's what.
He must stoop that hath a low. door.
Some people look ridiculous trying to
stretch up and fill their new high doors.
Lincoln StefTens asks "Is the Govern
ment really ours?" To whom docs the.
word "ours" refer? Docs It mean you and
me? We may think we have something
to do with the Government,-but we cer
tainly don't ha-e much. Does America
In this connection mean Wall street, and
the possessors of the Government mean
a handful of millionaires? Probably.
The prospects are that the magnificent
distribution, of information accomplished
through the press of the country will
bring home to the hearts of the people In
a striking way what Mr. Steffcns finds
out and sets down in his characteristic
clear style. The Government needs to be
defined again, the present confines of its
functions measured, the ropes that are
pulled to keep It going described, and the
hands that manipulate the ropes pointed
out exactly. This Is what can be looked
forward to. and It will be Illuminating and
beneficial. Wc all know the facts, but
we need to be slapped la the face with
ROGERS AND HADLEY."
Henry. H. Rogers, vice-president.
Standard Oil Company.
Herbert S. Hadlcy, Attorney-General
representing the Supreme Court of Mis
souri. Curtain goes up with Rogers on wit
ness stand and Hadley on the bench.
Had ley What Is your name?
Rogers My name? O, I can't remem
ber. Hadley Now I'll ask you to study a
minute. Mr. Rogers, to see If you can
not recall your name?
Rogers It's " no use. I had a name
once, but wnat It Is I can't remember;
It has entirely escaped me.
Hadley How old arc you?
Rogers I can't answer that without
consulting- my bookkeeper.
Hadley Where wer6 you born?
Rogers I don't know.
Hadley Absurd! Were you not pres
ent when It occurred?
Rogers Xo. sir I can furnish proofs
showing an alibi.
Hadley You arc the vice-president
of the Standard Oil Company. I believe?
Rogers Don't you believe all you
Hadley Are you vice-president of
the Standard Oil Company? Answer by
saying "yes' or "no."
Rogers Yes or no.
Hadley Did you ever hear of the
Waters-Pierce Oil Company of Mis
souri? Rogers I am not sure.
Hadley Are you sure of anything?
Rogers Not for certain.
Hadley Do you know John D.
Rogers The name sounds familiar.
Has he got heavy whiskers and long
Rogers (sadly) Then I don't know
Hadley Mr. Rogers, tell me In your
own way where the offices of the
Standard Oil Company are located.
Rogers You wish me to tell you in
my own way?
Rogers Then I refuse to answer.
Hadley Mr. Rogers, do you under
stand that I represent the Supreme
Court of Missouri?
Rogers Yes. ma'am. I do.
Hadley Do you then refuse to an
swor a question put to you - by the
Supreme Court -of Missouri?
Rogers Sure! If you represented the
Supreme Court or the United States I
might do business with you. if your
price was reasonable, but I'm not here
to show anybody from Missouri any
thing. Hadley Do you realize that I can
have you thrown into jail for contempt
Rogers Xo. I don't.
Hadley Have you no rcspeet for the
law. .ir. itogcrs?
i voters now can 17 I know too
much about it.
Hadley Do you know that by re
fusing to answer my questions you are
defying the statutes?
Rogers Certainly. . Make out an
Itemized bill of damajres and snd .it
to the defying department of our com
pany, i u o. K. it.
Hadley Court Is adjourned
Hadley walks Into the wings with
bowed head. Rogers leaves witness
stand and advanclgn to tho footlights
sings with great expression that soul-
tui aitty entitled "I Can't Remember.
Now T.et the Bnkcr City Man Be
Rochester (X. Y.) Democrat.
A deal of unnecessary abuse ! being
heaped upon the patriotic Oregonian who
was Inspired Xo start a 10-cent contribu
tion for a weddlntr nresent tn ria, t?o..
velt. The alacrity with which he dropped
the proposition, when 'informed that It
did not meet with the approval of Presi
dent Roosevelt, is abundant evidence
that his zealous action was founded upon
good motives. The Incident was given
undue weight by the formal manner In
which it was treated by the officials with
whom the Initial dime tca HonnottorT i.
'a matter of fact the propriety or other-
wise oi a Tveaaing present of the kind
suggested Is purely a question of taste.
In this Instance the taste of th vn.mn-
woman's father and of the promoter of
me dowry tund differed. On the one
hand there was an enttrplv tnotnt
test amounting to declination: on the
omer mere was immediate and grate
ful acquiescence. It would seem, there
fore, that the Incident may be regarded
as having been closed before it reached
the acute stage.
To Tell ir Milk Has Been Wntcrcd.
A simple method of testing whether
milk has been watered is to take a well
polished knitting-needle and dip It into a
deep vessef of milk and withdraw it im
mediately. If the milk is unwatcred some
of tho fluid will adhere to the needle, but
If It has been watered in the least degree
the needle will come out quite free of tho
A Rumor Confirmed.
The Nuritch family had reached Copen
hagen. "Town smells kinder queer." comment
ed Maw Nuritch.
"I ain't surprised." asserted Paw Nu
ritch. "Allers. hcerd there wur suthln
rllch. "Allers hecrd there wur suthln'
The Deacon Sets Back the Calendar.
J. A. Lonjr In Klllsboro Arjru?.
Some flftr years azo or more.
When Sue wur Jen a. xlrl.
Hr hair wus never pompydoor.
Cut Jen lay all a-curl.
Some fifty years axo!
Some fifty years ajco or more.
When Sue wur my sweetheart.
She never wore these pecy thins
That Frenchmen ell fer "smart."
Some fifty years Ago.
Some fifty years a so or more
Sue's eyes wur twlnklln brtBhtr
Did not need gold "jtlawees"
Fer Fashun's -whim o light
Some fifty years ago.
Some flftr years ao or more,
"When Sue an I agreed
To be the other's llfelonc mate.
The paper did not read.
Some fifty years ago:
"That S!e an' Sue -were married. In
Our First Church, at Hlgh-Xoon.
An took the eve-nin train last nlcht
To take their hunaymoon "
Some fifty years ago.
Some fifty years ago or more
These -words were all 'twur sed
"Ste and Sue are man an wife
And -will be 'till they're dead"
Some fifty years ago.
Some fifty years ago or more
Things change mos ev'ry dayl
An now whn people get hitched up
It's more fuss, anyway.
Than flftr years ago. '-
Some fifty years axo or more
We never dreamed there'd be ,
Elcctrl'clc lite and telly fones
An" railroads to. the sea . .
Some fifty years aro.
Some fifty years ago or more.
By Gosh! How times has blest
The people all with modern things
Yet ol times wuz the best.
Some fifty years ago.
"Some fifty years ago or more," '
Said Sue to me last nite.
"We used to dance the minuet
While candles glistened bright
Some fifty years axo." ,
An so we set there, holdin hands.
Before the fireplace jetow.
As' tallced of love. Jes" as we did"
Seme fifty years ago
Dear fty years aget
SECRETS OF LAWBREAKING.
From "Railroads on Trial." by Ray Stannard
-oaiver In the february McCIurc's.
Armour possesses complete machinery
ror breaking: the law. for
and the like. No better or more signifi
cant Illustration of the secret workings
of a monopoly could bp given than the
cipher code used In transacting his busi
ness. Honest men need no ciphers of this
peculiar sort to conceal their operations.
A copy of the code was civen in testi
mony at Chicago in May. 1303. It was
siuicu irom tne Armour Company by a
stenographer. A cursory examination of
some of the words will show that Ar
mour U provided with all the machinery
for instructing his agents to pay rebates
and for warning them that the officers
of the law are after theml He even haa
code-words for each of the Interstate
Commerce Commissioners! Following
arc the Armour code-words for the var
ious members of the' Interstate Com
Tmprint Martin A. Knapp. chairman.
Imprinted Judson C. Clements.
Imprinting James D. Yeomans
Imprison C. A. Prouty.
Imporfaitas Joseph V. Flfer
Improbity Edward A. Moscley. secre
tary. Other significant words relate to rebates
and discriminations: and rebates arc. oC
Jeremy Figure get lowest beet rate.
Kinsley Shade rates a little rather than
launch Better ararnse rebate there.
Launched Burning the stick at both
Launching Can make rebate.
Laundry Force payment of higher re
bate. Laura Handle rebate matter very care
fully. Laurus Pay rebates.
Lava Pay rebates from cash on hand.
Lavello Rebate must be confidential.
Lavlshment Working for rebate on.
JC,wclry Rates being cut by all lines.
Jocularls Divide rate.
Judiciary Keep your rates below all
Junior Rates must be made which will
secure the business.
Junk If necessary to secure the ship
ment, can you make the rate to .
Justified Have agreement with main
Justify Maintain rates per agreement.
Juvenal Maintain rates unless other
ICadmaster Manipulate rates so as to.
Kaland Meet rate bv- voucher.
Kalatma Meet any rate offered.
Kashgar If this rate will not secure,
advise what la necessary.
E. G. Davics. a fighting Welshman, wa
one of the early insurgents. For a Ion?
time he had shipped fruit over the Chi
cago &. Eastern Illinois Railroad from
points in lower Indiana and had had no
trouble. From Decker. Indiana, previous
to the appearance of Armour and his
exclusive contract with the C. & E. I.
Road, the icing charge was 527.30. Au
gust 11. 1901. Mr. Da vies received a car
on which the Icing charge was 543. Xow
Decker Is only 217 miles from Chicaso; If
the refrigerator-car had been shipped
from New Orleans, which is 92 miles from
Chicago over the Illinois Central Rail
road (which is not an Armour line), tho
Icing charge would have been only 5C0.
He refused to pay. The Chicago fc
Eastern Illinois demanded that he setti
his bill. He said he would pay a rea
sonable charge but he would not !
robbed. . When he asked the railroad
company how it was that they were tr
Ing to collect an Armour charge, which
had nothing tp do with the freight, and
when he still refused to pay. they threat
ened to cut off his credit which meant,
practically, that he must go out of busi
ness over that line of railroad. -Mi thl
was brought out In sworn testimony.
"The next thing I heard." he said." wai
that my shipments were under embargo
on the Evansville & Terre Haute Rail
road. A circular had been issued by Mr
Hlllman. general freight agent, sayinc
that no business consigned to Edward O.
Davies could be accepted urilcss the
charges were prepaia.
This shows how Armour evpn force
railroads to do the "dirty work" of
lectlng extortionate icing charges.
Still Mr. DrvIpm refused to nav. Fin
ally one day he received a visit from Mr.
Vrlon and an associate, attorneys for the
Armour car line?.
"I did not know what they wanted."
said Mr. Davies In his testimony, "he
(Mr. Urion) gave me .practically a notice
to get out of business: that I could never
have any more refrigeration done. I" said.
'Gentlemen. I will have you to under
stand here and now that I never knew
Armour and do not want to know him
now. He has nothing to do with the
movement of interstate traffic.' "
The Orator Extinct.
On the frontier old ideas still linzrr.
and we arc not surprised to learn that a
grand oratorical contest has become a
burning Issue. In New Mexico. The Al
buquerque High School held a "prelim
inary contest" for the selection of lt
foremost orators to take part in thl
tournament, and now a wall rlsc3 on th
breezes because two girls and a China
man swept all the prizes and stand forth
as knights for that locality. "Shades n'
Demosthenes and Cicero and of Amer
ican orators living and dead." says the
Las Vegas Optic, "hide your faces at
the fact that Albuquerque, the metropo
lis of New Mexico, cannot produce a
single American boy to take purt In an
oratorical contest!" Why mourn?
Critics declare that the President i the
most effective of American orators to
day, but the truth is he is no orator at
all merely a most convincing speaker.
He has none of the graces Inscparabli
from the art, none of the magnetism hv
whlch Blaine charmed In his day. noth
ing of the handling of words and sen
tences according to rule which was onco
seduously taught and laboriously studied.
Listen to him for ten minutes and then
compare him with an artist like John
Temple Graves, for instance! It is a
once apparent that, under the rules, the
President is out of the running: 0 I
Joe Cannon, so Is Allison and AIdrI h
and Bailey. No man in power or com
manding position just now has claim- n
consideration as an orator save perhaps
John Sharp Williams, whose oratory I
but an added grace, whose art 13 but a
a smile on a beautiful face an addi
tional charm, but not a necessity.
So let New Mexico be comforted. Onlv
on the frontiers is the orator still grea:
only among the backward is the art of
expression still held an inseparable at
tendant on sound thought or real ability.
Woman should be an orator. The China
man Is In line for the place, since he Is
treading the path over which we have al
Rodrlck-Crackam Is thinking about
racing around the world. Do you think a
person could go around the world by
auto? Van Albert Yes. if It tossed him
hard enough. Chicago Dally News.
Wllkins I've just Indulged in a lottery
spcculatlon. and it cost me 53 to find out
what a fool I am! Bllklns What a waste
of money! Anybody would have told you
that for nothing. Detroit Free Press.
Cabby (answering whistle on raiqy day)
What I wants to know Is. where are the
parties going? Footman (reassuringly)
Oh, they're not going far. Cabby Then
let 'cm walk! (Drives off.) Punch.
Farmer Standpatter (to boy artist, ths
only human In a pen full of trust-hogs)
Why don't you eat, you ungrateful little
hog' See the nice trough I filled for you!
The American Artist 'Cause I ain't a hog,
that's why! Lemmc out! Puck.
"So she married tha.t awful Jack Round
er? Why, didn't she know that he hart
been blackballed by every club In town?"
"Yes that's why she took him. Sha
thought there'd be some chance of keep
ing him at home evenings." Baltimore
"Now," began the tiresome man who
goes in for queer science, "what would
you say If I were to tell you that all tha
rivers in the world would dry up within
a" "I would say," interrupted the weary;
listener, " 'Go thou and do likewise' "