THE MORNING OREGOXIAN, WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20, 1905. 8 Entered at the Poetoffice at Portland, Or al eecoad-daas matter. SUBSCRIPTION BATES. JKVARIAJ3LY IN" ADVANCE. (By Hall or Express.) Da.117 and Sunday, per year Dally and Sunday, alx months....... Dally and Sunday, three months.... Dally and Sunday, per month Dally -without Sunday, per year Dally without Sunday, six months... Dally without Sunday, three months Dally without Sunday, per month... Sunday, per year............ ..$9-00 .. 6.00 .. 2.53 .. .63 .. 7.50 ...3.0 1-03 .. -63 .. 2.50 1.25 cunaay, n. maxims. ............ Sunday, three months......... BT CARRIER. "Dally without Sunday, per week.. .... -13 Dally, per week. Sunday Included THE WEEKLY OKEGOXIAU. (Issued Every Thursday.) Weekly, per year Weekly, six months - ' Weekly, three mouths - au HOW TO REMIT Send postofflce money order, express order or personal check on your local bank. Stamps, coin or currency are at the sender's risk. EASTERN BUSINESS OFFICE. The 6. C. Beckwith Special Atfacy New York, rooms 43-60, Tribune building. tw cago, rooms 510-512 Tribune building. KEPT OX SALE. Chicago Auditorium Annex. Postofflce News Co., 176 Dearborn street. Dearer Hamilton & Kendrick, 806-01-Sevcnteenth street; Pratt Book Store. 1214 .Fifteenth street. Goldfleld, Xer. Guy Marsh. Kaaww City, Mo, Ricksecker Clear Co Ninth and Walnut. Ix Aageles B. E. Amos, manager seven treet wagont , . 5I?BBrapoil M. J. E-avanauch, 50 S. Thlra. Clevelaad, O. James Pushaw, 307 Superior street. New York City I. Jones & Co.. Astor Houe. . Oakland, CaL W. H. Johnston, Fourteenth and Franklin etreet. Ogdes Goddard & Harrop; D. I Boyle. nnniin Tiflrk&low Bro.. 1012 Farnam; -r .v. c.x.nv fn 1308 Farnam: 246 South 14th. Sacramento, CaL Sacramento News Co., 439 ft Ktreet. Salt Lake Salt lAke Kews Co., 77 West Second street South: Levin. Miss I. San Francisco J. K. Cooper & Co.. 746 Market street; Goldsmith Bros.. 236 Sutter and Hotel St. Francis News Stand; I. E. Lee, Palace Hotel News Stand; F. W. PltU. 1008 Market; Frank Scott, SO Ellis; N. Wheatley Movable News Stand, corner Mar ket and Kearney streets; nosier iTArrv Krm Stand. Washington, p. c. Ebbltt House, Pennsyl vania avenue. PORTLAND. WEDNESDAY. DEC. 20, 1903 irKARST AND JUS CONTEST. Since the Court of Appeals of the State of New York denies Hearst's re quest for recount of the ballots cast in iQt oiPciion in the City of New York his representatives are to appeal to the Legislature for an act requiring The Court f Appeals, by a vote of five Judges to two, decided that under the law it had no power to oraer rc Mn rtf thft ballots. Yet the two dis senting Judges, using a logic that is ln nn.hiP. wanted to know -why the law requires safekeeping of the ballots for six months, if there is never to e recount. Thwo is nobody who does not be lieve that Hearst was elected and out. The legislature mas- take the action requested since the Legislature is Republican in order that the Tammany metnoas oi wuui hoxlncr may be exposed to the world And yet there is a Tammany ring within the Republican party, that may be able to defeat the petition and ln- nuirv. No one appears to less advantage in this husiness not even McClellan than Judge Alton B. Parker, recently Democratic candidate for the presi dencv. Judge Parker, when on the bench, delivered an opinion directly contrary to the position -which he takes bs counsel for McClellan in this case and the Court of Appeals, ln deciding in favor of Parker as a lawyer, has reversed an opinion delivered by Par ker as a Judge. But Tammany in both cases has won. But, as a New York paper says. "Mc- Clellan's lawyers have played directly Into Hearst's hands. If the ballot boxes remain sealed mysteries and Mc Clellan is seated, a great many thou sand New Yorkers will go on believing that Hearst was cheated out of his election. They will look upon him as a defrauded, injured man. That Is Just what he wants In his business. Noth ing could be better for him. As Mayor he Would be In a terrible quandary His impossible campaign promises would rise up at once to plague him, You may be sure that "William Ran dolph Hearst Is not grieving over the decision of the Court of Appeals." But he will make the most of It, as he has a right to do. Yet the Legislature ma reopen the whole business by ordering a. recount. It ought to do so. Public ity Is the sovereign remedy for all wrongs. MILITANT DEMOCRACY. Referring again to the essay read pome days ago by Lieutenant-Colonel Pettlt, of the Eighth Infantry, at Gov ernor's Island. New York, before the Military Service Institution, on the effi ciency of an army under democratic institutions, it occurs to us to say an other'word. Colonel Pettlt expressed the opinion that democratic government never can be very powerful In war. -The very essence of military strength," said Colonel Pettlt, "is 'one man power.' the 6trong commander whose wishes are paramount and must be felt, to the lowest unit of the army." A monarchy, he went on to say, is more permanent, "and can therefore estab lish a fixed military policy, so necessary to the building up of an army." You cannot get the most efficient soldier ship, his argument runs, out of a de mocracy not accustomed to obey. There is -truth in the argument, and there is error. There is a machine soldiery, accus tomed to obey; and in the hands of an able commander, it may accomplish great things. Its power of resistance, its steadiness in supreme moments, give it tremendous advantage; but it is sure to lack the inspiration, the clan, necessary for highest military achieve ment. It was the French democracy, under able leadership, that overran Eu rope, a century ago. True, the supreme leader directed all. His power of com mand was absolute, but it was exerted through the spirit of democracy. De mocracy can use absolutism in war with more effect than monarchy can use it. It is democracy that supplies the in vincible spirit of an army. An army must have leadership, of course, and the leader must have absolute power. "With the spirit of democracy behind ah able military commander everything may be done. The point, in rwly to "Colonel Pettlt, is that democracy in war does j?ot oppose "one-man power, but wbeilt finds its leader. It uses that power to the utmost, and obeys and follows the leader more surely and de- otedly than any monarchy Is obeyed In emergency. either by the people or by the aristocracy that surrounds It. In other words, the most potent of all forces is democracy. In Its fighting mood. It takes to military discipline naturally, because it is intelligent, and It beats monarchy, oligarchy, .aristoc racy, out of sight. In the use of the necessary means and condltlCns of suc cessful warfare. Hence "Worcester, Yorktown, Valmy and AusterllU. WHAT IK A ntOPER PENALTY? The Sheriff of Benton County has overhauled at Salem one John Fawver, who abandoned his wife and four chil dren near Monroe, a few days ago, taK lng all of the family funds and the 19- year-old daughter of a nelghobring rancher with him. The fatner oi tne deluded girl bore the Sheriff company in his quest, with intent to take nis folly-stricken daughter back to her home. It was well that the pursuit was successful. Not that the recreant hus band and father is worth pursuing, even upon the basis of a probable re turn to the duty of supporting- ms wue and children. He has left duty ana re sponsibility too far behind to Justify the hope that they will overtake aim, even though the Sheriff has arrested his fllchu But the common sense or de cency that he has violated so flagrantly will beippeased somewhat by tne in fliction of such punishment upon him as the law provides. As to the deluded young woman, it is charitable to hope that parental for giveness will work in her the miracle of reform. The chief objects or solici tude in such a case, however, are the deserted wife and children. If both of fenders could toy some process be com pelled to work ten hours a day every day and turn over the wages earned to the support of the cruelly wrongea family until the children were able to maintain themselves, restitution would in a measure accompany penalty. It is only in an ideal condition of society. however, that penalty and restitution go hand in hand, and such a. condition would preclude the possibility in this case by abrogating the first cause. To come down to things practical, how would it do to add the wife-deserter to the list of disnatured creatures for whom the whipping-post has been re vived in this state? THE UNAPPRECIATED. The proper figure for the salary of a- life Insurance official has of late grave ly occupied the tongues of Congress' men and the pens of editors, itepre sentatlve Landls in particular improves the theme for the promotion of frugal ity and Justice. The salaries paid of late to these ornamental and sumptu OU9 f unctionaries "are in the main dis honest," Mr. Landls declares, though he does not say why he thinks so. He leaves the reader to piece out the rea soning- lor himself, probably from ex cessive modesty, since beyond a doubt it ran in this wise: Behold mi1, Frederick Landls. fre4y chown by the enllchtened votes or some 20(1.000 In dlana freemen to participate with equal velce In making the law Tor the greatest common wealth on earth. For this service. Inestimable to the human race. I am paid a pitiful $5000 a year, while McCurdy In the days ef his sterile efflorescence .got II W00. thirty times as much. Was McCurdy with all his philan thropy fairly wiulvalcnt to thirty Oonpreaa men? No, he was not. Thus Mr. Landls mentally thunders. Rating Congressmen at their "lowest and McCurdy at his highest conceiva ble value, the validity of fhe logic of the Indiana moralist Is unimpeachable. One might even venture to point its cogency with another comparison or two. The Reverend Newell Dwlght HU Us, for example, may possibly receive $10,000 a year, almost exactly the same as Rockefeller's Income for- one hour. Now there are, roundly speaking, 8760 hours In a year, so that the olelferous saint, if Incomes are fairly allotted, must be equivalent In social and rellg- ious value to almost 9000 HlUlses. We thus begin to understand through glass, darkly, why the church sets such store by her lumlnlferous son. Unless rmrt of his income is dishonest, he is much more valuable than all the minis ters in the country taken together, for their united Incomes only foot up some $75,000,000, while Rockefeller's is about J90.000.000. But Rockefeller is not an Insurance official, and it was the social-value of these precious vessels that .we were try ing to estimate by comparison with individuals" admitted to be useful in other spheres. Take the case' of the edifying Mr. Perkins. He probably ac quired in his years of fatness not less than an annual J100.000 from the Netv York Life. This would make him more than ten times as valuable-to mankind as Dr. HIllls or President Eliot, of Har vard, and a social asset worth tw Roosevelts. Such results tend to con firm Mr. Landls' opinion that men of ihe Perkins and McCurdy breed recelv more than their services are worth. "W must apparently agree with him that their salaries are "in the main dlshon est," and it would vastly tend to seren Ity of mind if one could believe that Insurance officials -were the only class of men in the world who are rewarded out of all proportion to their deserts. The fact-of the case Is. however, that desert has lamentably little to do with the distribution of the amenities an sumptuosltlcs of this perplexing: sphere. The work of the primary teacher is of more fundamental worth to society than that of any other person. She gets JS00 a year, while the low-browed son of a successful pirate draws his annual half million merely for existing. A great editor Avho marches in the van of enlightenment and pioneers for lib erty of thought may possibly earn 55000 salary; a railroad president receives ten timps as much. There Is no apparent fairness in the apportionment of material blessings among men. Each one's sharers In proportion to his strength and-.-greed; peldom has it any relation to the actual value of his work. The highest service is miserably underpaid. Those who la bor at painful tasks earn scarcely enough to live on and must endure con tempt as well as misery. Had Repre sentative -Landls desired to enlarge his theme and Impeach the Justice of so ciety to its benefactors and servants alike, ne wouia nave icuna iacis wun out number to justify him- in appear ance. The reality is different. There is. in fact, another .side to this question. In so arranging: matters that most of our labor of hand and brain Inures to the benefit of a few individ uals distinguished for utter worthless ness, greed and dishonesty. Providence seems at first fight to have been un just, but when we look deeper Into the matter we are amaxed to find here, as everywhere, the unmistakable signs of divine beneficence and wisdom. Ob- serve how beautifully it works out. No body denies that it is more bleseed to 'give than to receive Very weJL then. The function of receiving is a sort of sacrifice. Every time a man receives instead of riving he denies himself a possible blessing; and the more Perkins and Rockefeller receive from ub the more they enable us to enjoy the bless edness of riving. Policy-holders there fore should not execrate McCurdy and Perkins, for they have contributed to the spiritual welfare of millions of men. Rockefeller's merit is still greater. since. Instead of merely providing ceaseless opportunity for his fellow men to partake of the blessedness of riving, he has often forced it upon them. How often by careless observers. like Representative Landls. men are blamed for dishonesty when a candid study of the facts would show them to be self-sacrificing martyrs. SR. SCHWERINS TROM1SES. The discovery that Portland is a city of some Importance and that It is Jn need of better steamship faculties has at last been made by Mr. Schwerln. of the Harriman water lines. The recent appropriations made by Mr. Harriman for extensions and betterments of his rail lines, and his announcement of a determination to provide Oregon with transportation facilities in keeping: with the Importance of the state. Is now fol lowed by a similar announcement re- trardlnir water lines. Of course tne modern, fast and large steamers tnat are promised for the Portland and ban Francisco run should have been nere a few years earlier, or at the latest in time to handle some of the immense crowd of Eastern tourists last Summer, many of whom were obliged to float down to San Francisco on ancient mm ber drochers or else forego the anticl nated ocean voyage for which tney naa paid. These steamers win also te too late to handle any or tne immense quantities of wheat and other feedstuff that fls being shipped south in such larre ouantities. but they may be here by the,tlme California has another fam ine year. There is less cause for criticism oi the Oriental line of the Harriman sys tom within the past few weeks, for we have been better supplied with Oriental Rteamers than at any previous period in the history of the port. Portland will not be captious and endeavor to learn whether this improvement In the ser vice was due to the fact that wheat and flour were being diverted to iTigei ntind in wholesale quantities, thus de priving the Harriman Tall lines of the haul, or whether the increasea service ivns riven us as a reward of merit. Temporarily atSeast, we have a fairly good service for the Orient, ana mere are indications that the former efforts to make everything pay tribute to San Francisco are to be abandoned. The Tiwmle of Portland will agree with Mr. Schwerln that the wharves of thU ltv- are not strictly up to date. They will also unaerstana max. jhjuic . th worst-appearing ones aiong ic front would fly the house liag oi tne Harriman system it there was a flag staff from which to fly it. The news that immediate steps will be taxen 10 improve these docks will be hailed with genuine pleasure, secondary only to that which will greet the appearance of the up-to-date steamers on the Port-innrt-San Francdsco run. Portland will h much Dleased and relieved to learn thnt Mr. Schwerln has abandoned the old Huntlnctonlan policy nd will in the future consider the requirements of the port as well as the convenience oi the company he represents, wis state ments bear the impression or sincerity, and as the Harriman water lines are only the tall of the Harriman railroad kite, there is every reason to Relieve that Portland is at last to receive the treatment to which she Is entitled. There are great possibilities for de velooment in both foreign and coast wise traffic out of Portland,, and as a larce share of this traffic generates in territory reached by the rail lines of ihe Harriman system, it would be dim cult to pursue a policy of expansion In one branch without the other sharing in It. For that reason Mr. Schwerln; promises will be given fully as much consideration as have been accorded the recent utterances of Mr. Harriman Portland has much fn common with the Uiirrimnn s-ftem of both rail and water lines, and hopes Xo see both In crease their facilities to the greatest possible HmlL THE TEACHER'S INADEQUATE WAGE. Considering the fact that the mini mum salary paid to teachers In the Ore gon City public school Is but HQ and the maximum (the City supennienu cnt's) but S5 per month, the request for an Increase of 20 per cent, lately made bv the entire teaching force of that dis ti-Ict. was not an unreasonable one. Taxpayers, to whom the petition was referred, however, dia noi ibkc mm view of the matter, but conceded an In- j crease of 10 per cent. The wonder is not that the taxpayers of Oregon City : decline to pay salaries adequate to the simple needs of teachers, but that a body of capable. Intelligent teachers can be found who will work for such .salaries. A few months ago. scarcity of teach ers for the schools of the state was announced. The reason gU'en was that the wages were so low that teachers could not maintain themselves, let alone prox'Ide for others, as very many of them are called upon to do. These wages were upon the basis of "hard times": the living expenses had arisen to the plane of prosperity, and the bal ance was necessarily on the wrong side of the ledger. The silent, all-powerful law of supply and demand, however, adjusted the matter, and. as Is it." wont in any overcrowded vocation, the ver dict was against the teachers. This Is the only explanation possible of the fact that teachers are working in the public schools In as important and prosperous a place as Oregon City for a monthly wage of 50. It is not that the district is too poor to pay a llvity? wage. No such stigma of poverty in the midst of plenty rests upon the people of Oregon City, or of any other active Industrial center or section of the state. The sim ple fact is that the supply In quan tity at least outruns the demand, and teachers must work for what the tax payers are willing to pay, in view of the fact that they can get other teach ers if these decline to serve. Unless a large number of the young women of Oregon who have chosen teaching as a profession or vocation reconsider the matter and take the ad vice of Miss Snell, of the State Agri cultural College, to get them to poul try-raising, or to beekeeping, or to the growing of small fruits, and thus re lieve the congealed ranks of school teachers, there does not seem to be any hope for a general advance In teach ers' salaries. On the contrary, thenost that can be expected to result from the plaint of inadequate wagea aad petition for an advance -will be. now and then -an Increase la the pay of those whose request Is made effective by what is known as a "palL" tPollce Captain Bruin desires to pose as a martyr to newspaper and political persecution, and to achieve that pa thetic role he biases it on the newspa pers. At the Bruin Investigation yes terday, under the careful coaching or Tom Greene, lawyer, he made the state ment that the newspapers had had nothing to say about him until after the Mllwaukie gambling-house raid. The purpose of Greene and Bruin was, of course, to show that thereupon the hounds of investigation -were unleashed and The Oregonlan and the City Coun cil undertook to avenge themselves on Mayor Lane and Captain Bruin for the Milwaukic enterprise. It is surprising that Greene and Brain would fabricate a tale so silly and so easily refuted. Bruin passed the Civil Service exam ination on or before November 3. On November The Oregonlan made pub lic the details of the scheme to make Bruin captain and inspector of police- On November 5 Bruin was appointed according to programme. On Novem ber 6 The Qjegonian told about his ap pointment. On November 10 The Ore gonlan described at length how Bruin had been railroaded into the Police De partment, despite the Civil Service. The Mllwaukie Club raid occurred Novem ber 13 It would appear to be neccs sary to say no more about so cheap an effort to make capital for Bruin and to Impugn the motives of the Council and its investigating committee. Rare good judgment is displayed by John Bull when he airs the fighting strength of his navy. The British Med Iterranean and Channel squadrons. comprising about sixty vessels, will concentrate for maneuvers near the Gulf of Cadiz In April. Of course the fact that this will be about the time when the Moroccan conference closes has no special bearing on the massing of these great fighting machines near the disputed territory- Yet it is a sin gular fact that the mere presence of a big policeman twirling his club has had the effect of preventing open conflict between belligerent individuals who otherwise might be Inclined to commit assault and battery. Imports of diamonds and other pre cious gems for the year now ending will reach a total value of $77,000,000, breaking all previous records by more than $11,000,000. 1he rank and file of American people are more interested in the Imports of food and wearing ap parel than they are in the amount of diamonds brought into the country. At the same time the statistics are Inter esting, showing, as they do, that there is proportionately more money than ever for purchase of the "unneces saries" of life . The American wheat market contin ues to assert Its Independence of Liv erpool and the rest of the world, and yesterday, in the face of a heavy de cline in Europe, the Chicago market gained a full cent per bushel and closed very strong at the high point of. the day. This strength, following a dull foreign -market and an Increase of over 4.OM.O00 bushels in the visible supply, would Indicate that the position in this country was not only unusually strong, but also that the market has some sub stantial support. "What Senator Beveridge is trying to do Is to make two states out of four territories, which is a scheme perfectly simple and unobjectionable In 'Itself. But the politicians of the four terri tories have figured out that there will then be only four United States Sena tors to elect. Instead of eight, two set- of state officers instead of four, two state capitals instead of four, and so on. So they object: and that is really about all there Is to their protest. Certain gentlemen wno were in a Portland lodging-house Sunday' night with uncertain ladies, and were "pulled" by the police so many of them as could not get away out of windows and down fire escapes minus sundry necessary" garments are disposed to question the right of the police to In vade their privacy in this manner. Why didn't they stand on their rights at the time? -Governor Wright showed the House ways and means committee conclu slvcly that the Philippine tariff on sugar was a bad thing for the Filipinos and for S0.000.000 American customers; and Chairman Payne promptly an nounced the hearing closed. There is such a thing as finding out too mush. The financial pathway of the amateur dramatist is not always strewn with favors. The man who dramatizpd "The Conquest" Is being sued for 1216 deficit in the returns for the stage production of the play. He might write a sequel to the play and name It "The Inquest.' Since Representative Landls has termed J. P. Morgan an "international kleptomaniac" honors wpuld seem to be fairly easy between him find Thomas W. Lawson, whom Bourke Cockran a! luded to as "the successful hero of a hundred larcenies." If great energy and untiring devotion to the best Interests of a city are good qualifications for a Mayor. Astoria is to be congratulated in securing for a sue cessor to the late Mayor Surprenant so loyal and enterprising a citizen as Her man Wise. Mr. "La Follette ta not the only Ameri can statesman, who hesitated between the Governorship and the Senatorsblp. With a difference. La Follette. as the man said who was asked If he was mar ried or single, enjoyed both conditions. The Senate Isn't satisfied, quite, that Burton is dishonest and a criminal, but It Is trying to bear up cheerfully under his abseqee. dt dissembles Its love for Burton beautifully -while kicking him downstairs. The automobile has some advantages over its predecessor, the bicycle. Near ly all of Its victims are millionaires unless some of the common people get In the way of the death-dealing ma chines. The police think that Lawyer Ayle worth, who reported a disastrous ex perience with highwaymen. Is "fak ing." Pcchaps. It is a great deal of trouble to ran down criminals. The Government will not build the Seattle Canal; fet it has no objection to Seattle deing it. Good Idea. Evl gently Seattle feada't thought of It. SILHOUETTES Admitting that there Is such a thing as the day of th r, that of the blood thirsty Russian troops sttas to be over. Senator Dolliver Is waving the olive I Braneft and hopts to restore peace oe- i tween the factions on, the raiiread-rate I aueatlon. Dolliver should be warned of I the peacemaker's fate. , I Baiter declared on the floor of the Sen- 1 ... ... i. fnr rfWhnnMt 1 Blr"- oc nt ocpew. witn a merry twinjue m ma eye. looked knowingly at Tom Piatt and his 1 left eyelid was observed to quiver slightly, The President of Lara died yesterday. I've no Idea where Lara is. but Infer that It is one of the warring states which sur round George Barr McCutcheon. Kipling's story, The Man Who Was." has been produced as a play In New York. It's a pity Jimmy Hyde couldn't have been secured to play the title role. The Chicago brick trust was fined $13,003 yesterday for doing an Illegal business. It is presumed that the goods they were selling- -were IS karats, fine. Just as If Russia wasn't supplying enough casualties, Hoquiam and Monte sano have started a county-seat fight. About this time of year the sweet high- , , . . -rnmyurL.viniinT I Ma-r in -which to record her thrflllnic ex- I nil iI2,.IfSnini vear periences during the coming year. SCODOi Kill lUlCSU ww-. i A ' ' OHr Heroic Police. SOU i-op. actj that the brave Mr. Bruin and those I three big policemen are dragging along the streetl "What has ha done: Father "Do not look at him, my son. The scoundrel haa been guilty of leav ing his horse unhitched." Ufe has its little inequalities. A poor j xrnv r.vinii -sra elven aei oer -. - 1 10 years in the penitentiary the other oay for setting fire to a racket store . 1 meanwhile the esteemed iiessrs. micr and McKinlev are enjoying life. Uherty nnd th. mirsiilt of hapnlnew. cr administration now I starts a crurade against tne wickco v.xu.r sloumacnine. wnue just ie u wise citizen who wants nome aner will engage a link-boy and a Jiu-jitsu j wrestler to escort him through the j .,nti.. f fnntrad. and murder artists. I The Tale of the Haunted Flat. Don't turn me down, stranger! Don't gaze at me like that! know I'm a-lookln seedy. But remember I live in a flat: In a house that Is horizontal. A place In which breathing room Is as scarce as It is In a corset;. Where to onen vour mouth is a boon And you haTe to take down the pictures I the original application for the annul Every time you hang up your hat. meat of his divorce. Hummel was In- t-very ume you " j dieted on that testimony. In the pro- - ini thf, caoaule My wife. Arabella, and I A long year ago. come next Easter I shall die. Little Egypt, shall die. Unless we escape from these quarters And find a more habitable- home. Where we won't always burst out the latch-string Every time we give voice to a groan Every time we give voice to a sroa- Once my locks were a raven s blackness, My wife's ebon tresses turned blonde; Our life's been a purgatory Since we signed up that flat-ownera bond. Now to make our sad lot more dis tressing Hear me out. stranger kind. It will pay You to bear with my mournful digressing While I tell you the tragical lay This monstrous affair we exist in Went wrong months ago. and today It's a nightmare house, darksome and frightful. The abode of such horrid gnomes That you cannot conceive of their ter rors For yours have been happier homes. It's a "patent Inside" cintraption Where the beds and the tables fold Themselves Into secret panels. .As In mystical castles of old. The bath-tub. at rest. Is a sola. The piano a clothes-press, and. say. Every time someone rings the door-bell The cuckoo-clock starts In to play. For everything works with a button And all the wires act the same way. The gas fireplace Is a cupboard. The bookcase a stand-up buffet. Our armchair's a hot-water heater And our dresser's an ice-chest we find That everything In the blamed household Is with some other torture combined Well, sometimes the system starts going All at once, morning, noon or at night Do you wonder now why I am growing Afraid of my life and wish that The angel of death would come for us And bear us away from that flat? ARTHUR A. GREENE. A Story About Davenport. Anecdote by Jbhn Sharp Williams. One week there blew Into town an artist If Captain Morse left 510.000 In Hum named Homer Davenport, who used to I mel's office, that was the money that lure statesmen Into posing for him. and men proauce me Nmn uUSiy tures of them In his paper. After he had been here two or three days he had spread such a panic that no statesman could be induced to go anywhere near him. Finding statesmen thus skittish, fDav- enport resorted to. stratagem. He went to Culberson and said he wanted a. like- ness of me. Old "Dave" fell Into It with spirit. Tll enrage him in conversation." said old "Dave," "and when I get him plumb engrossed you sketch him unawares. So they went hunting for me. and old "Dave" started in to consult me and get mr advice about something in the most flattering way. As soon as we got fair- ly Into it Davenport took up a position to leeward and began to sketch. But he didn't worry me any. I could see his pad. and I saw that he was sketching old "Dave. When he was through he tipped the wink to old "Dave." and Culberson shook hands with me and went away, with his shoulders shaking. Two days later he gent for me. I came Into the lobby of the hotel and found old "Dave" furious with rage. "Williams." he shouted, "look at what this Infernal artist has done to me." He had a paper there with the most unholy, unrighteous, diabolical picture of himself you ever saw. and he was leading a pug dog by a string. Think of that!" he shouted. "I don't mind that picture of myself but who la hades ever saw rae dragging a pug dog. me me drag a. pug dog! And, Will iams. he ain't got you in the picture at alL "Why. Judge." I said, "didn't you see that he was drawing you and not me? I saw that all along." Old "Dave" gazed at e soTeaanly for about a minute. X returned his gaze un fllnchlngly. Then he laid his band on my shoulder. "John. he said, "come to the bar aad have a drink. You're Initiated-' STRANGE CASE OF ABE HUMMEL Brooklyn Eagle. Dec. H. I Abranara H. Huiarael. the most wide- ly-Knewa criminal lawyer In New lorK. is at the bar on trial for conspl- racy, with two Indictments for subor-1 awon ui perjury in me oacKgrounu. waiting tor the court or Appeals to I pass upon their legal sufficiency. As I may be guessed from the fact that the jurors are locked up in the care or the court every night, and from the re- raarkable charge In court of the Dis- made in HUrarael's Interest to kill the ehIef wtneS(t aeainst him. the as la one of tha most serious and one of the strangest which ever went Into a New j York Courthouse. For two years some phase of the complex series of events wnlch finally brought Hummel to tne bar has been exploited In the newspa pers. But the Incidents of the series have been so many and so complicated that few readers have more than the haziest Idea as to what the relations case were or why the lawyer should be I nr, tt-lol fn. rk T .. T. rn'tl.9 lit. I tie briefly: I !!nnAt.ln- nr.r t-orn. i?r oe-n a man named Dodge came here from Atlanta and applied to the courts, through Hummel. to have the divorce which his iHf hari nh).it.. iin.t titm t I nM Tii. imr-,v-iKr in thnt r.n. rintii thnt Twta- ,n.i novoT- nwn I served with notice In the divorce suit. and was not represented at the hear-1 ing. On that supposed state of facts Dodsre's aDDllcation was oranted. After divorcing Dodge hi wife had married r"nori.c w vnn. vt,7ti -,o "(ha I . .w.ml. - I Ice king." and the special friend of I Mayor Van TVyck. Setting aside her l ,,,VfiV. nf mad her marrl to Morse Illegal, and she at once took steps to have her second marriage set lrr . - ZT.Z: I " tame au acciacoi wnicn revnucu " rapt tnat uocisre naa sworn iaiseiv in 1 his application for annulment. In cleaning up the office of a lawyer named Ruger. after hi3 death, a record was found among his papers which showed that he appeared at the divorce hearing as Dodge's lawyer, on Dodge's retainer for that purpose. On that evl- denco the decree setting aside the n-fA rflvnr-p vni reversed and tile Attorney's office began a earch for Dodsre. In order to prosecute him for perjury. The next phase of the case Is perhaps mat OC31 rememoeieu. xsuukc iiuu iu Texas and detectives employed ' ' M,rnn horci,, Durlnsr tnat pursuit mpi1p that somebodv was spending money in very large sums to keep Dodge out of the clutches of the New York authorities. Dodge was no- ioriuuao pour, ne wua ucLuuitiiuiicu i his flight by some representative or Hummel's office. Hummel was his coun sel and it became apparent that the money spent on him came through Hummel, whatever the original source of the supply might be. At length Dodge was brought to Ncc York. Here he threw himself .upon the mercy of the District Attorney and testified to the errand Jury that Hummel had In duced him to swear falsely and to make ceedlngs somewhere it came out that the divorce had been agreed to by Mr. and llrs. Dodge. They did not live hap pily and she came to New York to sup port herself, while Dodge stayed in Georgia. Mrs. Dodge became house keeper for Charles W. Morse. When she wisnea to aivorce uuage mie cuu lu Atlanta ana maae an arrangement, ojr wnicn ne agreea 10 suppiy ner wim c- iaence sumclent for a divorce in the jjew York courts, to retain counsel here and to matce tne aivorce reguiari and legal. That agreement Dodge kept and the marriage of Morse was legal. until Mrs. Morse had it set aside arter the annulment of her divorce from .uouse oh ms peijmcu i.cavimwi.j. So far the proceedings were sura - ciently complex, .but the motive for all this litigation was even more ooscuio than the trail of Dodge through Texas. Superficially it looked as if somebody was making an attacK upon aiorse s marriage with the Idea that he was rich enousrh to buy off all objectors, nut that, view clearly did not oDtain m tne District Attorney's office. From that source, the name of Mrs. Gelshenen was injected Into the controversy. Gelshenen was a bank president, very wealthy, and an Intimate friend of Morse. After his death Morse managed tne business affairs of h.'s widow. The Implication was sent broadcast that Morse wished to marry me ricn irs. unaucncn uu that he had Instigated the activity- of Dodge and Hummel In attacking! Morse's marrlatre to Mrr. Dodge. Then enters "Captain Jim " Morse, an uncie of Charles W. Morse, from Maine, also rich by way or the ice business, iz 1 with Lane, has numbered dui nve. ana in must have been an astonished District j eluded the' brilliant Ingalls and the highly; Attorney s office wnen "Captain Jim' appeared and told nls story there. In brier it ? children by his first marriage; that Captain Jim was very rona or tnese children and that he thought their hmnlnnn rnuld he nromoted if the itenmother could b driven out of the family. Thereupon, knowing that Mrs. Morse had been divorced, he came to New York, retained Hummel to attack tne marriage ot .irs. xjouge 10 worse and paid him $10,000. The truth of that statement of Captain Jim Morse's has not been substantiated In court. He tojd it 10 relieve Mianes . aiorac rum the imputation of trying to get rid of a poor wire m oraer to many a ricn one, dui me uisinci uurncy s ouicc has accepted it and acted upon it since. - ' ! peurancc m thls city and his appllca- tIon for the annulment of the divorce 1 on perjured testimony. It would not I account for Dodge's sensational flight through Texas because tnat must have cost a good deal more than $10,000. But the ImHctment and conviction of Dodge I for perjury wuuld naturally involve I his lawyers, so that more people than I Captain Morse were Interested In kecp- I ing hira out of the way. That is the tangle of plot and coun- ternlot which Is to be unraveled in the trial of Hummel that began yesterday. As said, lt is the post remarkable case which "has been pken Into a Kew York Courthouse for years. Interceding With Sulzcr. Washington Post. If wc could "only get a good, hard grip on the coat tails of the Hon. William Sul- zer. with a first-class brace for our" feet. we think we could keep him from invad ing Russia and demanding the abdication of the Caar. Of course, the expedient would be strictly temporary In its nature. Sooner or later. Sulzer must fulfill his destiny, eradicate the Romanoff dynasty and establish in Russia those enlightened institutions of personal liberty which now make downtown New York the envy of progressive civilization throughout the world. For the Immediate present, how I ever, we should like to picket him out somewhere until we can get this Russian tangle straightened out and arrange a really satisfactory programme. Before and After. Philadelphia. Ledger. "Ob. George!" complained the young wife. "It was nearly midnight before you got home last ntght." "Well. weH! exclaimed her nusband. "yoa women are so Inconsistent. Before we were married yea dWa't care how-late , X. get home." THE DIVINE SARAH'S TRIUMPIT New York Sun. It was a ?reat nlsht for theGaellc contingent, native and foreign. The tout Paris of Manhattan turned out at the Lyric in full force and irave Mme. Bernhardt a welcome worthy of Itself and or her. There were manv fashion- ables .in the audience, but as . whole-It was far more popularly representative than at the recent appearance of Re- Jane, and far more demonstrative. Fre quent outbursts from the gallery had to be hissed down, and after the fourth act the curtain sailed up again and again, amid tumultuous applause. For Bernhardt Is still the Bernhardt of fFJ. f-. K?,Mhe moves with the restrained and aubtlr in sinuated force- of the tigress. If time has put its impress on ner masque its ravages have scarcely pro ceeded beyond the power of poudre d rls and rouge to repair. In repose her lips have a touch of world weariness, perhaps, but when they smile they re- vive the old Infantile sweetness, blend- " ,us aways wun me sorrow, wnicn iS USO that Of 9. Child. "tr vo,ce J tne same oia voice, ana that is to Stty that It has the aCCCnt Of Perennial youth and pass4on. In its minor cadences it is still and languid. " L ae ne langugrous aeptns some tropical lagoon. In passages ' nannomous -tervor it has the puro KQ,d of sunrise., flocked with crimson ?n "f11,?? a,n a"ra C-P"rpl 3t " '' min wel1- SuJly lt, can nl' the At oC many. The triumph of Sarah the di- vine can not be complete xintll the wor,a Knows ner as tne ijiuian KUS- . v - . 3e'' 01 -V, , , . . Te ycle for her performance was Sardou's "La Sorclore." familiar to the merca,n public through Mrs. Patrick Campbells recent performance. It is morn SO. Xn men Entrllsh .tnr Mn K , . 1 V. . . 7 ' ' f sages of Latin emotions. The vigor of the old wucard of melodrama has abat ed In It somewhat from the days of "Fedora" and "Tosca" not a circum stance to regret. But his skill is still supreme, and is "ot the least manifest in the manner in which ho has adapted the scenes to the latter day powers of his actress. The first three acts make little or no draft on her vitality, and the climax of the fourth act, while skillfully con structed to bring out the full gamut of her best resources, is by no means long: or arduous. Something perhaps of tho lJSVSSZSl effect of powers sustained was due to The production was marred by a cer tain raggedness in the scenery, and some crudeness In the lighting. Or was there an abstruse symbolism in the fact that the play took place, for the most part, under a blue moon? But on such an occasion such details arc negligible. The company was unusually strong. The supernumeraries wero good to look at. beautifully gowned and creditably rehearsed. HOODOO OF KANSAS SENATORS Beginning in 1861, the Office Haa Been Full of Tronble. TOPEKA, Kan. "The"fatal succession" Is the name Kansas has given to the senatorshlp of which Joseph Ralph Bur ton, the latest incumbent, is under con viction of grafting. A dark-hued bird of evil omen seems to watch over those who take the seat first occupied by James II. Lane. The hoodoo started at the outset. In j 1Kff, tr,nna wo ndmlttod a. gtat0 and cnose two senator3, they tossed a com tQ gee wh!ch shoujd get the short np fQnr.v,ar. tprm. lt w.nt to Lane. Ho se hg t wag re.eiected. and coramjUed suicide. w n Tn, nnnninfed tn snoreed him. faJled to need the demand of Kansas for tne jmpeachment of President Johnson, j. yote saved tne President,. but Rosa was defeated IOr re-election, cast aside. 1 ana now. nves a humme lite. Ale-r.inder Caldwell took the nlace. held 1 it txen vps. and reslimed. it la said, to avoid fizbtlne charges. Robert Crozier was appointed ana oUSted as soon as the Legislature met. I james m. Harvey was elected and de- 1 feaed for renomination. j piston B. Plumb was then chosen, was 1 r.te?ted twice, and died a tragic death 1 within a year after starting his tmra j term. I -r tv Perkins could hold the job after appointment only until tho Legislature) convened. John Martin, his successor, held the) pjaCe two years and dropped out of sight, Luclcn Baker served his full term oC I 8jx years, but was forced to withdraw. from the race tor re-ciecuuu. josenh RalDh Burton succeeded him. nd before half his term was served was I nniiir lall sentence. 1 The line of Kansas senators wno sue I needed Pomeror. chosen simultaneously; I esteemed "w. A. Harris. Mr. Williams to Mr. Lamar. (From report of House proceedings in New 1 iot. j.uu. j Mr. Lamar referred to the aspiration oC I Mr. Williams to ko to tne bcnaie, ana saia that when he cot to that "great temple of legislation" and the people of his state came to call upon him, expecting to see -worthy representative of their great-stata 1 n that xamous nan. mey wumu. uuu. umj I the "Image of a shriveled ape.' Mr. Williams replied briefly, and in refer- j ring to Lamar's citation of his own family connections, saia mac use nis uuun.-, I atc l. Q. C. Lamar, he possessed a "su- 1 perb gotlsm." but the uncle was justmea by the possession also of "a superb Intel lect." T wanted a team that would pull all to gether," he said, "instead of a team that pulled In every-direction at once. It is no wonder that the party is represented in the comic papers of the country as a donkey." During this exchange of courtesies ths minority leader said: "I am reminded of the care of the mlsldentifled body in tha city. The sons, reading the description, thought it was their father. They tele graphed an undertaker to care for the body, and started for the city themselves. But when they saw the body the mouth was open and the false teeth disclosed. They knew It was. not their father, and went away. So the undertaker said to ths corpse: " 'You blamed fool, If you had kept your mouth shut you would have had a first class funeral. " Shouts of laughter greeted this from, both sides of the House. It was especially apt, because of the aspirations of Mr. La mar to be elected to the Senate from hia state, and because he had been assigned to the committee on foreign affairs, which, if he had made no fight, would have been taken for a promotion. The Careless Baggage-Smaslicr. Smart Set, "Here!" shouted tho depot official, "what do you mean by throwing those trunks around like that?" The baggageman gasped In astonish ment and several travelers pinched them selves to make sure that It was real. Then the official spoke again to the baggage man. "Don't you see that you are making big dents in this concrete platform?" Even Bears Have to Rest. Washington Star. "Why do bears sleep through the Win ter?" asked the boy. who is studying nat- , ural history. ' "Because." answered his father, "the President does not go hunting then They've got to sleep some JiBpe.'