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About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 30, 1905)
THE HORNING- OREGONIAN, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 1905. 1$ mrmttmt CnUred at the Postoffice at Portland. Or as feeonfl-dass matter. SUBSCRIPTION KATES. 1XVAR1ABLT IN ADVANCE. Br Malt or Express.) Dally and Sunday, per year DtJflj- and Sunday, six months Xatty and Sunday, three months..... Dally and Sunday, per month XU without Sunday, per year Dally wllhoul Sunday, six month.... IaUy without Sunday, three months. Iailr without Sunday, per month.... Bs4aj-, por year. .. Hcs4ay Mr raontht... Sunday, three month .$9.00 . 5.00 . 2.53 . .S3 . T.60 . 8.00 . 1.03 . .65 . 2.50 . 1.23 . .63 BX CARRIER. Uattr without Sunday, per week...."...: UaWy. per week. Sunday Included...-. u THE WEEKLY OREGONIAN. Otaued Every Thursday.) WetMy. per yar Veeky. tlx month. Vkty. three months -"J ItOW TO REMIT Send postoffice money raer. express order or personal check on i-our local bank. Stamps, coin or currency ore at the render risk. EASTERN BUSINESS OFFICE. The 6. C Beck-vlth Special Aceacy-e- Tork. reuai 48-50 Tribune huUdlnE. CM caco. rooms 510-512 Tribune building. KEPT ON SALE. CUlcaco Auditorium Annex. I'ostoXHco Nrm Co.. 178 Dearborn street. ,,t Dallas, Tex. C lobe News Dopot, SCO Main lcmcr JmMm- Dlack. Hamilton Kcnd rlrtc. i-M-SIS Seventeenth street; Pratt Xioon Sor. 1214 FUtoonth street. Dr Moines. la. Moses Jacobs. 300 FUtn lieldfleld. Net-. F. Sondstrom: Guy Marsh. Kum City. Mo Rlckuecker Cigar Co.. Ninth aitd W&isaU . Le Anj-ele Harry Drapkln; B E. Amos. ol Wool Seventh street; Dlllard New Co. Minneapolis M. J. Kavanaugh. 50 South Cleveland. O. James Pushaw. 307 Superior street . New Vork City U Jones & Co.. Astor 3tosw p. Atlantic City. N. J. BH Taylor. 20. North SUUaots ave. . Oakland. Cat. W. IX. Johnston, Fourteenth amC Fraaktta streets. ' , Ocden 04lard & Harrop and Meyers & Jiarrop. D. I.. Boyle. Omaha Barkalow Bros.. 1012 Far nam. 3aasath Stationery Co.. 1308 Farnam; -40 tuth 14th. m. Sacramento. Cat Saeraraento New Co., 490 K ftroec . Salt Lake Salt Lake News Co.. it west Oeoond mreet South; National News Agency. Lone Beach B. E. Amos. Kan Franolftco J. K. Cooper & Co.. .40 Market street; OoMsmlth Bros.. 20 Sutter aswl Motel St Frauds News Stand; L. i Lee. Polar Motet News Stand; F. "VV. nt-'. Market; Frank Soott. SO EHls; N. X"hatle) Movable News Stand, corner Mar ket and Kearney streets; Foster & Orear. ytry Newa Stand. M. LohU. Mo. E. T. Jett Book & News Conanr. S OHve street. VhTnKton. I). C Ehbttt House. Pennsyl vania, nvenne. lORTI-VNI). SATURDAY. SEPTEMBER SO. THK REVOLUTION IN PHILADELPHIA Ui to the time of Mayor Weaver's rtund gmlnt the looting of the munici pal gs pfcutt by the Republican gang, PhtU4el)IU -!, by common consent. the -worst-governed city in the world Httaens were believed by many to thrive on their civic shame, as King MlthrMhttes throve on poisons, which. Byron tells us. had become a kind of nutriment to him. Certainly no people have ever been more abjectly docile under otttrageous tyranny than the PMINtelpbJatts were up to the moment of their revolt; and since their revolt no ngsjnle have ever been more vigor ooslr alive to the calls of municipal patrtottem. It Yr an easy matter to be a reformer when the psychic waves of rpatar enthttslastH are running high 4 gwtl; jet as It is easy to be brave tn hatitfe when the blood is up, when the hy$ are ahoating victory and the foe te tn fall retreat. What Napo tarn ealled two-o'clock-In-the-morning wnkitm" hi another and a different thing ta war. and tht civic courage which sets the toeth In a death grip and J the Ihrht through to the end is an tftother and a rarer thing in our public life. That sort of courage the Phlladel- Ithiaas soent to have. The tumult and the 0h4mtfng of their revolt have died away. What they need now is the in nexthte win to stand by their leader throw gh thick and thin, in good report and evtt until, to borrow an elegant expression of Boss Durham's, quoted by The Oregonlan'a correspondent, there is Kkating in hell. It Is an ancient re proarh against Democratic communi lie that they are flckle both in their lovwe and hatreds. The vicissitudes of fortune experienced by our Spanish War heroee tend somewhat to confirm the chacse. and the easy way we have of taking up and dropping great moral toeuos la our city politics will doubtless he recorded to our shame by some fu lure Thucydides. Should he do so, he jnnst make an exception of Philadel phka. Hither because the ethical mo mentum of her original revolt was greater than other cities have experi enced. or because of some unusual per f&tence in the character of the Quaker cocamunity. having taken the bull by the horns, they keep hold. Long ago, while Philadelphia was, to all anpearancas. luxuriating in the in faaay of the most corrupt bossocracy In the world, a writer in the Atlantic Monthly of a philosophical turn set out to expiate why herpeople were so ab jectly submissive to their masters, and why they must always remain so. He found the reason In their Quaker de ecent'the Quakers being a people "who take literally the command not to re sist evil. It has never been observed however, that Qdakers like to be robbed any better than other people, and more acute thinkers sought other and better reasons for their quiescence under boss rule. It was remarked that Philadel phia had a very numerous aristocratic el em oat-, so-called, who cared nothing -what kind of a government they lived under. Politics were too "low" to in terast-'them. They felt above office seeking; and what favors they wished from the bosses they were able to buy Philadelphia has also a very large, prosperous and contented population of workittgman whose lot is exceptionally fortunate. They have constant em peoymeat at good wages. They own the houses they live in. Their families are well ejad and -well fed. Moa s happily situated In life had no fault to find with the bosses who gov erned them. Of course they were con staatly plundered, but it was done in direotly and discreetly. Many of them were murdered every year by foul drinking water, but the connection be tween Impure water and boss rule not obvious. The great laboring popu Ttatloa of Philadelphia were happy and contented under their thieving gang of rulers, and they would have remained oontented If the gang had not by its own action opened their eyes and er cited their resentment. Just as the AtnoricanJRevolution broke out over a petty question of taxes, so the municl pal revolution in Philadelphia began with an Increase In the price of gas. The looting of the gas works would not have disturbed the people. They were used to all sorts of lootings. But the rise in the price of gas- which would result from It gave exactly the fillip Heeded to set their minds at work over the sort of government they were living under. What preaching and -scolding coAld neVtr" have done io the end of time, a pinch of the pockotbook did ln- tantly. Philadelphia began to think. As she thought she grew angry. Most fortunately. Mayor "Weaver turned out to be a leader born for just such an emergency, and at the head of the workingmen of the city he swept the gang from power. The revolution In Philadelphia began among the plain people, and their persistent support of Mayor Weaver has sustained it. Very little' of the credit belongs to what are queeny called the better classes. Now an election Is coming on which will tell Just how sincere the wish of the Quaker City is for a decent gov ernment. The people have discarded all the machinery of conventions and nom inated their candidates at a great mass meeting where party distinctions were unheeded. They have chosen for their candidates men who have been black listed by the gang for their Independ ence and honesty! Perhaps nowhere In America has the issue ever before been bo clearly drawn between representa tive government and boss rule as In Philadelphia this Fall. Is the Anglo- Saxon race losing its faculty for self- government? This election will help to answer the question. AN K LA STIC CUKRENCY. The position of Secretary Shaw before the American people as a declared can didate for President makes his opinions upon the currency exceptionally Inter esting. They would be important had he no aspirations beyond the conspicu ous and dignified office which he is soon to leave. In his address-before the Ohio Bankers' Association on September 28 he repeated and emphasized the famil iar objection to our monetary arrange ments as they now stand; that is. the inflexible rigidity of the currency; the quantity being always the same, so that there is an excess of money in circulation during the Spring and Sum mer months and a deficiency later on, when the crops begin to move. To In dicate this serious defect he uses the word "Inelastic," which writers upon the currency have made us all familiar with. Every year we have too much money in the country when business Is slack and too little when business Is brisk. This is an inconvenience, but Mr. Shaw- perceives in the inelastic nature of our currency something worse than Incon venience. He believes that it may- cause a panic, and goes so far as to say- that the defect will never be remedied by legislation until the extreme misfor tune of such a catastrophe has brought the duty home. Mr. Shaw Is a respect able authority upon monetary questions and one hesitates to differ with his views. Still, It may well be doubted whether a deficiency in the quantity of money In circulation was ever the real cause of a panic. The caus-e of panics must be sought in the defects of human nature, not in those of the currency. They are psychological phenomena. The frenzy which wrecks banks and sweeps away a large fraction of a nation's wealth in a single day differs not at all In its essential nature from that sudden access of fear which sometimes make's soldiers throw down their arms and flee from a battlefield, transforming shad ows Into pursuing infantry and bushes Into squadrons of cavalry. Herbert Spencer "has taught us that all things are rhythmic, the states of the human mind being no exception. A condition of overconfldence which leads men to use their credit up to and be yond all rational limits Is necessarily succeeded by that opposite state of ex cessive timidity In which credit van ishes. The sudden annihilation of credit is a panic. Given the wildly Irrational, semi-hysterical state of mind which al ways grows out of speculation carried too far. any circumstance, however trivial, may initiate a panic. The com plaints of a servant jrlrl who went to the wrong window at the bank and was refused her money, or thought she was. have been sufficient before now. Like earthquakes, panics begin at centers where the immediate occasion exists; and it might happen that th ability to throw a new volume of money Into circulation at such a center on the In stant of supreme danger would avert what might otherwise become a na tional disaster. But In general, infla Hon of the currency in times of specu latlve confidence, while it postpones the calamity, nevertheless increases the evil when It ultimately strikes. It is to be feared that no remedy for panics will ever be discovered until the mass of mankind have become wise and pru dent; and then none will be needed. Still, If our currency has defects. It Is wise to discuss even If we cannot cure them. In saying that pur currency Is the best In the world Mr. Shaw pays It a compliment which may seem to some a little extravagant It is true, as he says, that we have the gold standard but so have all civilized nations; and in most of them the danger does not ex ist of a return to silver, which Mr Shaw thinks he perceives in America. His fears of that are doubtless 111 grounded, and so is his statement that our currency is the most convenient in the world on account of the decimal system. Franoe has .had the decimal money divisions ever since the days of the revolution. It exists In Holland Belgium, Italy, and even in Russia. England Is the only important country where the scale of ten has not been adopted. With true British pugnacity she adheres to. the most Inconvenient system Imaginable. No two steps in her scale of coinage are alike, or any where near alike. But, as a matter of fact the decimal system is far from being the most convenient In practice. Herbert Spencer has pointed out how much better adapted to every-day use the duodecimal divisions would be; and one need only recur to his own expert ence to become convinced that we all actually prefer halves and quarters to tenths and hundredths. None of our small coins except the cent and the dime has any plao in th decimal scale, If convenience regulated our coinage, we should have halves, quarters, eighths, sixths and twelfths of the dol lar, as well as hundredths and tenths, We cherish as much superstitution upon these matters as the English do, only it is a little different The remedy which Mr. Shaw proposes for the Inelastic nature of our currency appears to be this: He would confer authority upon the Nattonal banks to Increase their issues by one-half the amount now based upon the security of Government bonds. This Increase would not be secured upon Government bonds or anything else, unless he Is mlsrepre sen ted, but would be guaranteed by the Government How this -would differ from flat money it Is difficult to see. The only thing which can possibly glv value to flat money is the credifof the Government, arid that is precisely what is to give value to Mr. Shaw's proposed new issues by the.'National banks. So far as stated in the newspaper report, his scAeme involves no plan lor ettao llshlng a gold reserve in the Treasury 1 to redeem them, a defect quite as fatal to this as to any other fiat proposal. He seems to rely entirely upon the sheer guaranty by the Government. It can scarcely be believed that Mr. Shaw was speaking seriously when he re marked that by eliminating the state ment from their face that the notes were secured on Government bonds "the new currency could be made Identical" with the present National bank circu lation. It would be the same, or much the same. In appearance, but the exter nal resemblance would be delusive and dangerous. In their nature the two kinds of notes would differ as much as the present circulation differs from flat mony. It does not increase one's con fidence in the scheme to learn that Mr. Shaw proposes to keep the whole mat ter of the new Issues a profound secret from the public "The Controller of the Currency and the bank issuing the currency would alone know of its ex istence," he says. The effects of secrecy In high finance have not hitherto been such as to make us desire more of It. Whatever Is done by the Government, with rare exceptions, which certainly are not applicable to finance, should be done In the full light of publicity. SIUP-SOBSIDV SOPHISTRY. The energetic publicity and promotion agents of the ship-subsidy scheme last ear succeeded In securing very flatter ing indorsements of the graft from commercial bodies at Topeka (Kansas), Denver (Colorado) and other interior points, where the geographical location makes It Impossible to view the ques tion from a practical standpoint The plea advanced, whenever the press agents got beyond the reach of tide water, was that we needed more ships In order to facilitate the transportation of our goods to foreign markets. Much emphasis was also placed on the alleged fact that we paid the foreigners 5200,- 000,000 per year for carrying our freight Instead of carrying It ourselves, the natural assumption being that the ship per would be a gainer if we carried It ourselves. This argument worked fairly well In the back districts, where ships and shipowners were not In evidence, but it was worthless out on the shore line, where the shipowners dwell. The ship owners do not want cheap freights; the more honest of them do not want a sub sidy, as the coastwise traffic is absorb ing all of their attenton at this time. But the subsidy-seekers are after them, and have retained for another year Mr. Alexander H. Smith, the efficient press agent, who last year placed so much of their sophistry- next to pure reading matter In the newspapers. Mr. Smith, who publicly announces that his ex penses for an entire year have been de frayed by ten men In Cleveland, O.. be gan his campaign of education down in Maine, and was somewhat surprised to learn that the shipping men of Port land. Me, like those of our own Port land, were In a measure Indifferent about the deep-water traffic. They told him that they were so largely Interested In the coastwise business that they cared but little about the offshore trade. Mr. Smith accordingly proceeded to show them the error of their ways. In explaining to them he said: The Nova Scotia, sailing veawls and l the foreign tramp Meamehlps that aow do large a porttos at our carrying to the "Wost Indie. Central and South -America and Af rlca, would be largely awnptanted by me- dtum-Ftaed American alttRR vessels. Then many of the vessels now helping to deere rates on or coast would he attracted off. ahorc. reiMiUtRg In profitable rates 2or them and lor thoee remaining on the coast. This argument of the gifted Mr. Smith shows that the passage of the subsidy bill would not only drive out the vessels which are carrying our for eign-bound freight cheaper than we can carry It ourselves, but It would also ad vance freights coastwise, by reducing the amount of tonnage which could work In that restricted zone. Admlra ble system of argument, this. To the farmers and producers of the Inland states: Support the ship-subsidy bill so that American ships can carry your products to market at a lower rate than the foreigner can afford to 'move them To the shipowners and builders of the coast: Support the ship-subsidy bill In order that you may advance rates and make more money out of the producers. whether they ship foreign or coastwise. Mr. Smith waxes enthusiastic over the outlook. In case the bill is passed and is certain that the success of the subsidy scheme "would fill Maine's shipyards with work, would afford thousands of opportunities for profita ble cargoes for American vessels where none now exist and would make and keep Maine one of the most prosperoife states in the Union." The distribution of money, even though It be other peo ple's money, quite naturally will pro mote prosperity. Mr. Addlcks tried It in Delaware, and that commonwealth enjoyed great prosperity as long as the Addlcks sack lasted. But the Addlcks method of circulat ing money- In Delaware, like the Smith method of circulating it in Maine. Is unnatural and not founded on good business principles. It is unfair that every producer between the two oceans should be taxed for the exclusive benefit of a handful of wealthy shipowners along the coast In his opening gun of the campaign Mr. Smith has hardly strengthened the cause of his employ-, ers. High freights and a restriction of tonnage supplies will not appeal pow erfully to a nation of producers. A LUCKY INSURANCE AGENT. Among all the dark ways and vain tricks of the big life Insurance compa nies, nothing Is darker or vainer than a contract between the New York Life and one of its Buffalo agents, which came out the other day In Mr. Buck ners testimony before the Investigating committee. Its devious and perplexing liberality Is explained by a conflict for business then going on In Buffalo be tween this company and the Equitable Society. The terms of the contract are stated in a letter to the agent marked, as It might well have been, "confiden tial!" He was to have the usual agent's commissions to start with, which are large enough in all con sclence.4 But. that was only the begin ning of" his good fortune. The com pany, out of Its extreme benevolence, wrote to him to say that If the busi ness he did In the course of the next two yars amounted to $1,000,000, he should have a bonus of 54000. Of course this $4000 was a delightful thing for the agent to get and of course It was pure extortion from the policy-holders. ' Everything paid to agents over and above a fair and mod erate compensation is so much unneces sarily added to the cost of insurance. But had the $4000 been really offered to the agent as a stimulus to unusual effort-?, there would have been some ex cuse for it, as excuses go in the life In surance business. The fact is that it as offered with no such Intent Its sole purpose was to buy him from the Equitable. The company's letter goes on to state, with what seems the very extreme of sinuous Insincerity, that it was so sanguine of the agent's doing the million dollars' worth of business, he should have the bonus whether he did the business or not; at least he was to have all but $500 of It This letter is a fine example of what a recent writer has called "the admin istrative He." It Is a grave, solemn, pompous violation of truth; a con sciously dishonest act. so thinly veiled under a few rags of hypocrisy- that the lucKy agent, wno was only one out or a number treated In the same way, must have smiled' with contempt when he read the letter. Facts like this teach us why life Insurance Is such an expensive luxury. The cancellation of Certificates of sale of 20,000 acres of state school land be cause the purchasers have failed to keep up their payments Is not surpris ing in view of the events of the past year. As everybody knows, hundreds, and perhaps thousands, of applications for the purchase? of state land were made In violation of law by persons who acted merely as "dummies" for the real purchasers, Io whom they had agreed to transfer the certificates of sale. Transactions of this kind were disclosed by- evidence.' though long known to exist, and a few prosecutions were commenced. Alarmed over the prospect of being drawn into the trou ble, the men who had obtained the' cer tificates of jxi!e by- fraud ceased making payments and forfeited their rights and the money they had already paid. Among those who became delinquent were some of the speculators who-! -bought school land In the Blue Moun tain forest reserve limits, expecting to be able to use the land as base for the selection of lieu land after the reserve had been created. Exposure of the deal. which was made possible by private ad vance tips from official circles, resulted in the establishment of a rule that such speculators will not be permitted to use the school lands as base. Their princi pal value being gone, the speculators no longer wanted them, and ceased mak ing payments. On the total of 20.000 acres that has reverted to the state. It Is estimated that 510.000 has been paid. and this Is forfeited to the state. It costs no more to raise a 575 cow than It does to raise a scrub. Many- Oregon dairymen and farmers, while they may know this, do not utilize the knowledge. A noted exception is P. A. FTakes, of Scappoose, owner of the herd of Holstelns which was one of the feat ures of the great livestock show just closed. Without training on a breeding farm, and with the slenderest kind of a start, ho began Improving his dairy cattle. The result has been seen by thousands of Interested visitors. What this man did to Improve his stock, every dairyman In the Pacific Northwest can do, though all need not breed large herds. The Sunday Oregonlan tomor row will publish a talk with Mr. Frakes, who tells of his early struggles and failures and his ultimate success From it dairymen may- derive profit. An Iowa farmer who came out to Puyallup a few years ago has already- marketed 5S00 worth of blackberries from a single acre of ground this sea son, and expects to pick an additional 200 crates before the end of the season, There are hundreds of thousands of acres of land all over Oregon, Washing ton and Idaho that can produce equally good results whenever It is put to the Jest An occasional demonstration of its merits, however, enables us to keep In mind, the possibilities of the future when our rich lands are worked to something near their limits. With a single acre producing enough to main tain a family for a year, there will some day be an immense population in this Pacific Northwest Director Schlff, of the Equitable, makes it clear that there Is a great deal about the Insurance business that he doesn't know. He was one of the dl rectors who didn't direct He was sim ply there to look after the Interests of his banking firm. Mr. Hyde was run ning things. Everything was left to that young genius. Meanwhile, the firm of Kuhn. Loeb & Co. lost no money through Director Schiffs astute pollcy of letting Mr. Hyde run the whole In surance -business. Oh, no. Why should Director Schlff Interfere? Nobody but the policy-holder was losing anything by the pretty game of grab at the Equitable assets. Advices from El Paso, Texas, state that a band of "greasers" residing In Parral. a rich mining town in Chihua hua, have been insulting and stoning American and other foreign residents. The occasion for the outrage was apparently- a desire to aid In the festivi ties of a national holiday. The Mexi can police refused to interfere because they feared a riot -Unless the Mexican government Is prompt in coming to the front with an explanation and an apol ogy for the outrage, there will be some interference with these ruffianly greas ers by a power that will have no fears of any riot that can be Inaugurated by them. The Lewis and Clark Exposition Is not monopolizing the advertising which Portland and Oregon are receiving In the East and South. The old reliable Mount Hood Is still calling attention to the wonderful scenic beauties of the Oregon country. The Sunday edition of the Dallas (Texas) News, on September 3, contained a very Interesting account of a trip to Mount Hood, written by Mr. C. Lombardl, of this city. The article was accompanied by a number of cuts, and covered nearly a page In the big Texas newspaper. After the agents and the syndicates got through with the assets of the New York Life. It was Mr. Perkins amia ble Intention to remember the policy holders. In the voluminous lexicon of life Insurance graft the policy-holder should never be forgotten. He foots all the bills. Senator Heyburn .will no doubt be disposed to regard the attempted grabbing- of timber lands In the proposed Shoshone reserve by such a large num ber of his fellow-townsmen at Wallace 86 an awkward coincidence. When the local Democrats want har mony, they adjourn to the place where It is dispensed, and take three fingers .each of the fighting kind. If you can't go, send some one. But you can go. Portland Day: 100.000. r ' OREGONJOZONL ' Here Is a thought that bothers me And gives me constant shocks: Is J. D. R. a Rockefeller Because he has the rocks? s Advice to Exposition Visitors. The Lewis and Clark Exposition now being near its end. the following choice bits of advice are offered: Take a last good long look at that big carrot from Crook County. The next time you meet It you may And It In the soup. Survey the horned dinosaur In the Gov ernment building critically. They had to cut off Its tall to bring it out here, and It may lose Its horns going back to Wash ington. What is a horned dinosaur with out horns? Stand on the Bridge of Nations until midnight some night, so that you can sa.y with Longfellow, "I stood on the bridge at midnight." Watch Tacoma grow while you can see the sign. When you go home you can tell them that you saw it. Drink all the claret punch you possibly can at the state receptions. Claret punch Is a great novel ty except at state recep tions. v Buy a pair of smoked glasses to pro tect the eyes. You can put them on your horse when you get home, to prevent blind stagger". See Portland Swell! Fame at Last. The poet wrote and wrote and wrote. Turned out at most amazing rate His daily lyrics, still remote From fame, denied by cruel fate. One morn he woke and felt elate. For fame had found him. Whoop! he saw. 1th feelings of of profoundest awe. His poems in the boiler plate! Agate Spuds. A hunded years ago a Spaniard planted some potatoes in Southern California, but before he could dig his crop a band of Indians drove him out of the section. This week some excavators on the site of the potato patch dug up a fine crop of agate stones, the potatoes having petrified in that material. Wouldn't that uetrifv vou? The Winner. "Mamma, who Is that sad-eyed man?" "He is one of those who entered the contest for the talking machine at the Exposition." "But why decs he look so sad?" "Because he won." The Igorrotc. See the Igorrote. You do not have to look through any opaque Sartorial Adorn ments to see him. He Is visible to the Naked Eye. The Igorrote is a very happj- Indlvidual. He ought to be Happy. He does not have to pay Two Bits every four days to get his Pants creased. In that way he saves $22.75 per annum. When he has saved up for forty years he can buy an Automobile on Time Payments. He also economizes by not Buying pocket knives, because he has no Pocket in which to put the Knives. But the Igorrote never worries about not Owning an Auto. His motto is "Sufficient unto the day is the Evil thereof." He lives the Simple Life. All he requires Is his Pipe and his Pup. He smokes his Pipe and boils his Pup, and he is not particular about the Pedigree of the Pup. If you or I ate Pup w.e would Insist upon well-bred Poodle or dalnty Wator Spaniel. To,, the Igorrote a Dog with any other name will taste as Sweet Ilia only requirement is that it be Dog, After the Igorrote gets hold of a dog It is Dog-Gone. Our Dearest Friend. When there's nothing else to talk about. And you're quite too tired to walk about Do not sit and idly gawk about But talk about the weather! When there's nothing else to kick abuut, Or to make your family sick about. Or to raise tho very NIok about. Why, kick about , the weather! When there's nothing else to think about. And you're just the missing link about, Here's a thing I'll tip a wink about- Just think about the weather! When there's nothing else to write about And your mind has taken flight about Here's a Job you'll take delight about ' Just write about the weather! ROBERTUS LOVE. Hustling the Clergy. Harper's Weekly. A Western newspaper man. once connected with a Journal In Denver, was one day In conversation with his chief wljpn a clerical-looking gentle man entered the office. "Sir," said he gravely. "I Intend next Sunday to preach a sermon upon foot ball, and It has occurred to me that an .interesting paper like yours would be pleased to have my manuscript I have no doubt that any number of your readers would be glad to read It. and ' "All right, all Tight!" Interrupted the busy editor, "but you'll have to hustle It along. Get It In early early, mind! Our sporting page Is the first to close." Consoling. Harper's Weekly. There Is an evangelist In Boston who Is so devout that, so his friends aver, he scarcely ever permits himself a secular thought or his tongue a world ly word. It appears that this evangelist has a very bright daughter, aged 5. Not long since she answered the door-bell and found there the iceman with a bill. "Father Is not home," she iald, "but If you will come In, you poor, perish ing soul, perhaps mamma will pray for you." His Source of Supply. Washington Star. "Three-Finger Sam has the most won derful line of talk that ever hit Crim son Gulch," said Piute Pete, gloomily. "I feel that ignorant I'm ashamed to con verse with him." "Yes." answered Bronco Bob. "He takes an unfair advantage. There's no uso o tryln to. keep up with him In Western slang. He reads all them cow boy novels tho New York publishers are puttln out" 2Cow Beady to Get Even. Boston Globe. Thirty dressmakers who arrived In New York Sunday from France with -beautiful example's of the latest Parisian fash ions made no effeort to avoid the cus toms. All declared exactly what they had that was dutlble. The appraisers put a value on the goods and tho dress makers, paid the duty cheerfully-. Now they, will, proceed to collect .the amounts J they paid. MORE INSURANCE TESTIMONY New Orleans Times-Democrat. (President McCracken on the run we mean, stand.) Mr, Hughes I find an entry of $33,- GCO donated to the Subway Saloon. President McCracken Yes, sir: we thought that was in the Interest of the policy-holders. "How so?" "Many of them drink, and if they could have been persuaded to drink at the Subway they would all have lived much longer; which clearly meant de ferment of payment on many con tracts and opportunities for fine Invest ments with the capital not withdrawn. And besides "Besides?" "I was Just going to say that the company would naturally receive-tne prayers of Bishop Potter and his as. sociates." "Ahem: Here's another entry: 510,000 bet on Nelson In the Nelson-Brltt con test." "I have only to say with respect to that Investment that the society cleared a- large sum on It" "What did it make?" "I cannot say just at this moment. But deducting the commission of the syndicate that placed the bet, I should say about 55300. I am not positive, you understand." -The syndicate of which you speak was It necessary?" "Wo found long ago we could not get the best odds without them. We be lievo they are in. the interest of the policy-holders." "The contribution to the Republican organization In Philadelphia?" "I am not Informed as to that; under stand, however, it was partly political and partly connected with the depart ment of mortuary statistics. It is essen tial for a life company to know how many doad men are voting- in order to revise certain tables." "In the Interest of the policy-holders also?" "The policy-holders? Who In the deuce are the poll ? Oh. I beg pardon! Why. certainly. In the interest of the policy-holders!" Adjourned until tomorrow. The Perfect Figure. Philadelphia Inquirer. In an anonymous book published lately In Paris the fololwlng propor tions are given for the perfect body: Tho head should be a seventh part of the body that Is to say that the height should equal seven heads. The forehead should not be too high nor too large. It should harmonize with the oval of the face. The skin should be white and free of wrinkles. The eyebrows should be well marked and should end In a point The lashes to be beautiful should be long and silky. The eyes shaped like diamonds are, according to this authority, the most beautiful. Tho nose should be equal In length to the forehead. Its thickness should be In proportion to the other features of the face. The chin should be delicately round ed and free from indention. The neck should be twice as long as the nose and twice as big as the wrist. The shoulders should be plump, of the same height and slightly rounded. The chest should be narrower at the top than at the bottom. The arms should be rather large above and should diminish toward the wrist. The mouth should be shaped like bow unbent. The legs should be twice as largo around as the arms. The height of the calf should equal the length of the foot. The ankle should be tapering. the foot small and plump. Wedding Stopped by Clock Chimes, North American. An unusual experience occurred in con nection with a wedding at St Mary's Church, Chelmsford. England. The wed' ding was fixed for 2:30 on Thursday after noon, but owing to traveling exigencies the bridegroom came late, the ceremony not commencing until seven minutes to 3, The officiating clergyman proceeded with the service in the hope of getting It through by 3 o'clock, after which hour weddings cannot be legalized. He read the exhortation, and had just put the usual question to the bridegroom, who had answered "I will," when the church clock began to chime the hour of 3. Forth with the clergyman closed his service book and announced that he could not go on with the service, owing to it being 3 o'clock. The bridal party, the brides maids and the numerous family visitors and relatives felt rather cast down at thii announcement, but good-humoredly fecepted the Inevitable, and returned to the bride's home. The next day, now ever, the parties again assembled- at the church, and the wedding was duly solem nized. One Kiss, One Hug, Cost $300. North American. After encouraging pretty Matilda Dunsford. aged 16, to tell through her sobs how she was kissed and hugged In a dark street. Judge Tracy, at St. Louis. Mo., fined Roy Parks, 18 years old. $300. which means six months In the workhouse unless the fine is paid Matilda, who is a slender girl, with blue eyes, light hair and Just the sug gestion of a pout about her delicate mouth, declared that Parks followed her on several occasions as she was returning from her work as operator of a branch telephone office, and that Anally he seized her and hugged and kissed her. Parks denied the charge, but as he had no witnesses Judge Tracy found him guilty. Reflections of a Bachelor. New York Press. Spend your money and you won't lost It In fool investments. A woman has to be very suspicious of herself not to be suspicious of her hus band sometimes. A girl would' almost rather go In an au tomobile and slMn the tonneau man Dug try riding- next to the driver. Even when a man s older hrother nas a very large family he Is Just as likely as not to go and do the same thing. When a man gives his wife an extra al lowance she is going to find out some thing about him for which she can get still more if she knows how to De maa enough. Novel Crow-Catcher. Exchange; In order to catch crows, which do so much daraa-re to the growing crops. Ital Ian farmers have taken to placing small pieces of meat In conical-shaped paper bags, and smearing the Inside of these basis with glue. When the bird puts his head In and -finds himself blindfolded, he files upward to an Immense height, but falls near his starting-place. His Mistake.. Cleveland Leader. "You don't seem to care much for the girls at this seaside resort." "No." "What became of that girl you were flirting with last Summer?" "You mean the girl I thought I was flirting with. She married me." Not to Be Disturbed. Queery You've got a Morris chair at your house, I suppose? v Henpeck Oh, yet. Queery They're great, I think. Don't you enjoy It? . Henpeck I do-when I get a chance; .but Henrietta's cat usually gets there. before ; sae. Philadelphia Ledger IN TOMORROWS OREGONIAN Additional to the largest and most comprehensive news service of any Pacific Coast dally and the custom ary departments. The Sunday Ore gonlan tomorrow will contain: TO YOUNG MEN ENTERING THE LIFE OF A CITY Striking sermon by Dr. Newell Dwight Hlllis, written for Th6 Sunday- Oregonlan. It Is free from theology, and. like all his writings and pulpit utterances, is filled with optimism and enriched by appeal to righteous living. This friendly talk commends Itself alike to those who have journeyed nearly to the end of life's road and those who are pn the threshold of man's estate. PORTLAND MAN WHO SERVED WITH KIT CARSON In Woodstock, one of our East Side suburbs, lives J. A. Paulsell, now S3 years old, who was close com panion to the famous scout hunter and Indian fighter. Mr. Paulsell. under the name of "Jack Shepherd." served In the Mexican and Civil Wars. In an Interview he recounts many thrilling adventures in which he and Kit Carson participated. FROM POOR DAIRYMAN TO FINE STOCKBREEDER A straightforward, unadorned state ment from P. A. Frakes. of Scap poose. Or., of his experience in im proving his milch cows until now-he is owner of the fine herd of Hoi steins that attracted such attention at the livestock show the past two weeks. Every dairyman, however poor, who reads It may derive profit from Mr. Frakes experience. RECIPES FROM MAY IRWIN'S FUNNY COOK BOOK There are some sure enough di rections for preparing food, but these are not so amusing as a num ber of the comedienne's original stories and jokes that she doesn't tell in the play, "Mrs. Black Is Back." COIN IN UNCLE SAM'S CONSCIENCE FUND Within the last 100 years, there has been returned anonymously to the Government over 5400,000 by persons who defrauded It The smallest sum Is one cent. A Washington corre spondent sends specimen letters from "penitent sinners" to Secre tary Shaw. In every case .the pricks of conscience prompted the thief to make restitution. PHYSICAL VALUE OF VOICE CULTURE An expert woman contributes an article, free from technique, show ing how simple singing exercises promote health, and gives such di rections as a cmld of 12 can under stand and follow. AMERICAN SUCCESSES IN THE PHILIPPINES Frederic J. Haskins writes from Manila concerning indomitable Yan kees who are hustling for business in the far East, and gives concrete examples of Individual enterprise. MISSES' APPAREL FOR- WINTER MONTHS Every woman who has a daughter between 12 and 17 years will be in terested in Katherine Anderson's article on proper raiment for 1905-03. Never has there been such a fasci nating array of coats and frocks for the girl in her teens. FAMOUS AS COOK AS WELL AS ACTRESS A. A- G. interviews May Irwin, the famous comedienne, and discovers that she would rather cook than act. A chatty interview with the good-humored actress on the au thorship of her cook-book. TWO PAGES OF THE WORLD'S SPORTING NEWS The sporting department Is one of the features of The Sunday Orego nian. Two pages, and often three, are devoted to the sporting happen ings of the world. The local events events are described and illustrated by Oregonlan staff writers and pho tographers, while the Associated Press and special correspondents cover out-of-town events. For the coming week3 the opening of the football season will be featured, and the big games of the East and Pacific Coast fully reported. Base ball, horseracos, tennis, golf, pugi lism, are reviewed weekly. PAINTINGS, MINIATURES AND ART PHOTOGRAPHS In this article Madame Anna von Rydlngsvard. the well-known art critic, concludes her series of arti cles on the treasures found In the Exposition. Museum of Art. SOCIETY, DRAMATIC AND MUSIC Two pages each week are devoted to the dramatic review of the week, illustrated with photographs. Gos sip of the stage and interviews with prominent stars will be found in this department. Two pages are given to society news, and one page to the review of the week and an nouncements of events in the do main of music. THE WEEK IN REAL ESTATE With large transactions daily in real estate, with announcement fol lowing announcement of large building projects, the reader is kept busy- following the trend of the real-estate market. The Sunday Oregonlan review of the week is exact and comprehensive, and Is Illustrated with photographs of new residences and buildings. Lawyers' Fees. Leslies Magazine. The vast majority of lawyers do no better than make a fair living, and. if an average could be made. It would be found that a large number must earn ridiculously small sums. An estimate recently made showing that there are not five lawyers In New York who make 5100.000 a year, not ten who make 575.D00 a year, and not 25 who make, 525,000, is probably not far wrong. "Above all things," a success ful lawyer remarked not long ago, "never take a lawyer's word about his salary. He doesn't mean to prevaricate, but the appearance of prosperity is so large a part of his capital that 'bluff ing about his Income Is a natural habit I -can tell you what I mako In a year, but I shouldn't expect you to believe it and I shouldn't wish you to believe it," because it would probably be unconsciously exaggerated." An Irony of Fate. Washington Star. He never failed to follow Good medical advice. He boiled his drinking water And kept It free from Ice. He turned from tea and coffee. He spurned the flowing bowlj; He never let tobacco mar His placid self-control. A sudden shower caught htm And wet him to the skin. A microbe landed and they called The undertaker In. The undertaker was a man , . "With years upon his head. "The young folks nowadays don't last Like us old boys," he said. ' "I live without a fear of cold; And eat what I should sot. - That worry- mlcrober Is, I. fear; The deadliest of tfaa loti" -